#the joker and harley quinn
Harley, jokingly: I should have Mr. J kill you for that.
Joker, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?
Harley:Wh- no Puddin, I was just kidding around.
Joker, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you?
Joker: *walks into the room with a giant stuffed animal* Guess who made 15 baskets in a row at the carnival?
Harley: Some kid we beat up!
Both: *High fives*
[Phone rings]
Frost: *holding the phone* Boss, it’s your girlfriend.
Joker: *grabs the phone* Harley is not my girlfriend.
Joker: *into the phone* What is it pumpkin?
Joker: Listen, Doctor-
Harleen: Please, call me Harleen.
Joker: I’d rather not. If I named you, I might get attached.
Ivy: If he doesn’t treat you right by now, you’re gone.
Harley: I’m gone.
Ivy: nOW GO CHOP HIS DICK OFF
Batman: I’m taking you in Joker.
Joker: Let me ask Harley.
Batman: That’s not how it work-
Joker: She said no.
Batman: What is it exactly that you do?
Harley: Kick names, take ass.
Joker:*facepalms*
Joker: Y'know, that doesn’t sound like an apology.
Harley: Bite me.
Joker:*Pins Harley to a wall*
Joker: If you’re not careful *Leans in*
Joker: I just might.
Harley: *is shook*
[Knocking on the door]
Harley: You wanna get that?
Joker: And interact with people? No, thanks.
Joker: *licks the chip Harley was about to eat* I licked it therefore it is mine.
Harley: *licks the Joker*
Joker: Well played.
Dr. Leland: Where have you been?
Harleen, coming back from a therapy session with the Joker: Emotional hell.
Joker: Harley, pumpkin pie let go of daddy’s leg.
Harley::(
Joker:my clients are staring.
Harley::(
Joker: get ahold of yourself woman.
Mob boss, being attacked by Harley: Get this bitch off of me!
Joker, unenthusiastically: Stop. Bad girl. No.
Joker: I’m ignoring you.
Harley:…
Joker: I said I’m ignoring you.
Harley:…
Joker: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!
Harley, throws her head on Joker’s lap and looks up at him: Puddin, tell me I’m pretty.
Joker, rests his hand on Harley’s cheek and smiles lovingly at her: You’re pretty fucking annoying that’s what you are.
Harley: My food’s too hot I can’t eat it.
Joker: You’re too hot but I still eat you.
Harley:
Joker: Did no one come to break me out just because they missed me?
Harley: *raises hand*
Everyone else:
Joker: Smiling is also what I do when I’m not listening.
Harley: But you smile all the time- Puddin!
Joker:What?
Batman: Why are you doing this?
Joker: Because I’m bored, it’s funny, and I hate you. The holy trinity of why.
Joker: Come on Harley.
Harley: Where are we going, Puddin?
Joker: Either to get ice cream, or commit a felony, I’ll decide in the car.
Joker: I’m disappointed, Doctor Quinzel. I thought you and I were close.
Harleen: I know you’re manipulating me… but I love it, and I will tell you anything.
Harley: If only there was somewhere to sit…
Joker: *gestures to open chair next to him*
Harley: *kicks chair over* I wish there was somewhere for me to sit.
Joker: *sighs and gestures to his lap*
Harley: *sits on his lap* I knew you’d catch on.
Harley: We had a moment. I cradled you in my arms!
Joker: Nope. Don’t remember, didn’t happen.
Joker: we can bake these cookies at 400 degees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute
Frost: no that’s not how you make cookies
Harley: FLOOR IT!
Joker: how about 4,000,000 for one second?!?
Frost: yOURE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!
Joker: IM GONNA HARVEST THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Harley: DO IT!
Frost:NO-
Mob boss: Hey, how y'all-
Harley:*snarles*
Mob boss: *screams* GET YO FUCKIN GIRL, BITCH!!!
Joker: It don’t bite.
Mob boss: YES IT DO! GET THAT-
Joker: You do realize once we get the new mattress we’ll have to break it in.
Harley: I get what you’re saying, trampoline mattress!
Harley: Oh! You meant sex.
Joker: Yeah, but the trampoline thing sounds fun.
Joker: You do realize once we get the new mattress we’ll have to break it in.
Harley: I get what you’re saying, trampoline mattress!
Harley: Oh! You meant sex.
Joker: Yeah, but the trampoline thing sounds fun.
