paci-fisticuffs:

sheholdsyoucaptivated:

marsinlibra:

what men call “logic” is really just a lack of empathy

and what they call “objectivity” is really just subjectivity lacking in self awareness

And what they call “common sense” is usually just a series of social biases that they’ve never bothered to analyze or question.

bodyache by Purity Ring has been my jam for the past week or so.

Self-ish:Part 1,Part 2,Part 3
Ana Cecilia Alvarez, Victoria Campbell, Durga Chew-Bose, Fiona Duncan, Jazmine Hughes, Josephine Livingstone, Fariha Roísín, and Charlotte Shane discuss selfishness.

Victoria: But in the context of feminism, selfishness-as-individualism is very problematic. The struggle against patriarchy can’t be compared to the conflict between individual liberty and traditional authority because both are patriarchal.

What’s the difference between being self-qualified, self-actualized, self-sufficient, self-fulfilled, self-taught, self-serviced, self-made, self-governed, self-organized, self-assured or self-realized and being selfish? Maybe it’s just having a dick.

We’re taught to think that the world owes us something in return for our suffering because the world was built on sacrifice. Which is just a prettier word for exploitation. If selfishness is a refusal it should be the refusal to suffer for “the greater good,” the refusal to sacrifice the self for other, the refusal of the commerce model of life that replaces the Pavlovian bell with a whip and trains us to think every little pleasure should be deserved before it’s given.

This was a lovely and insightful discussion to read. Besides thinking about selfishness, compromise, and love, it left me wondering how I can have thoughtful conversations like these with my own friends more often!

The Subtle Linguistics of Polite White Supremacy by Yawo Brown
Polite White Supremacy is the notion that whites should remain the ruling class while denying that they are the ruling class, politely.

Polite White Supremacy is very real. So why is it that we must specifically say ‘Polite White Supremacy’ rather than Racism? We must say Polite White Supremacy for three reasons. First, saying #PWS puts the responsibility solely on the creators of a systemic problem. Second, this phrase addresses the subtlety and casualness with which oppression is administered. Thirdly, it eradicates the all-too-common confusion between racismandprejudice. It’s important to eradicate this confusion so it can be clear that racism is tied to a power structure and access to resources.

In detail, Polite White Supremacy relies on three key components to ensure its success: comfort,control, and confidentiality.

Whites who participate in #PWS desire to be comfortable in all settings while maintaining some influential level of control over all situations without acknowledging this power. Omitting acknowledgment of white privilege gives off the psychological effect that whites have somehow worked harder than non-whites and blacks must be lazy since statistically blacks are suffering a great deal in America. They pretended this was all natural.

The silence of confidentiality is the glue holding this whole charade in place because #PWS can’t exist out in the open as overt white supremacy, not because it’s wrong, but because it’s unfashionable to be an open white supremacist in today’s society.

I like the emphasis on using “Polite White Supremacy” because the term implies that people fool themselves into thinking that they have good intentions. It’s important for us to realize the power of language and the words we use, whether it’s saying “revelers” instead of “white rioters”, “meat” instead of “dead body”, or not using someone’s preferred pronouns.

Men who buy sex: Who they buy and what they know by Melissa Farley, Julie Bindel, and Jacqueline M. Golding
A sample of 103 men in London, England, who used trafficked and non-trafficked women in prostitution were asked about their experiences and awareness of the sex industry.

Men’s acceptance of prostitution is one of a cluster of attitudes that encourages and justifies violence against women. Violent behaviours against women have been associated with attitudes that promote men’s beliefs that they are entitled to sexual access to women, are superior to women and are licensed as sexual aggressors. The purpose of the research was to assess men’s attitudes toward women in prostitution and their awareness of and use of trafficking victims, with the goal of ultimately developing prostitution and trafficking prevention programmes.

Selected comments about prostitution by London men who buy sex:

• “I feel sorry for these girls but this is what I want.”
  
• “I have sex as a means to an end to meet my sexual needs… It’s a financial transaction.”
  
• “It should be legalised over here. This is the way God created us. It is being human. If you don’t have a partner then you have to go to a prostitute.”
  

The association between these men’s acceptance of myths about prostitution and their acceptance of myths about rape was statistically reliable (r = 0.23, p = .024). The more accepting they were of prostitution, the more likely they were to also accept cultural myths about rape such as “Women say no but they really mean yes” or “A woman who dresses provocatively is asking to be raped.” The notion that prostitutes are “un-rape-able” was a common belief among the men in this sample. Twenty-five per cent told us that the very concept of raping a prostitute or call girl was “ridiculous.” Nearly one-half of the buyers stated that rape happens because men get sexually carried away (47%) or their sex drive gets “out of control” (48%). […] The men expressed a number of misogynist attitudes, some of which frankly endorsed rape. Those with the highest scores on the hostile masculinity scale tended to be those who most strongly endorsed rape myths (r = 0.71, p < 0.0001).

Men who buy sex are aware that their relationship with a woman in prostitution is not a genuine attachment, and that the sex, race and social inequality in the relationship make real reciprocity impossible. Nonetheless they are disappointed and often feel “tricked” by what they know is the woman’s simulation of emotional and sexual response.

Legalisation and prostitution tolerance zones encouraged men to buy sex. Several men explained that once having visited areas where prostitution is legal or promoted, they returned to UK with a renewed dedication to buying sex even if that practice is illegal. The new UK legislation needs to be enforced extra-territorially. Almost half of the men had paid for sex in other countries, mostly in legalised regimes such as the Netherlands.

Men’s attitudes play a central role in perpetrating violence against women. Efforts to prevent violence against women must address not only those attitudes which are overtly condoning of violence against women, but also the wider clusters of attitudes related to sex, including prostitution, which normalise and justify this violence (Flood and Pease, 2009).

I think it’s really important to recognize that our society promotes the notion that men need sex as part of being “masculine”. This isn’t just in the context of prostitution, but in romantic relationships as well – sex is something that’s necessary. A relationship without sex won’t last. People in a relationship are entitled to sex; sex is owed.

There was an interesting discussion about masculinityin/r/anarchism today. /u/danharaj wrote, “Traditional masculinity is characterized by insecurity, anxiety, and a constant need to affirm itself and differentiate itself from femininity, which it constantly degrades and attempts to control. […] ‘Emasculate’ is a verb with no feminine counterpart. Everything terrible about men comes down to such a toxic, barren, highly controlled conception of masculinity.” /u/pukescabies then remarked, “It is kind of surreal when you realize the typical ‘masculine’ role in male-female relationships revolves around being hyper-jealous and possessive. Too much acceptance of your partner’s autonomy is viewed as weak.” There’s a huge need to stop this type of thinking – not just because these attitudes perpetrate violence against women, but also because they are harmful to the men who believe they must do these things in order to be “men”.

I don’t know whether I support the legalization of prostitution or not. In the wake of Rachel Moran’s article, Buying Sex Should Not Be Legal, and the discussions around it, I’ve come to the conclusion that most people are at a loss for what to do. The decriminalization of prostitution in Germany hasn’t reduced exploitation. The Nordic model is controversial. The current state of regulation in America is broken. Regardless of the law, however, I think that dismantling our notions of masculinity, opposing compulsory sexuality, teaching better sex education (including concepts of consent and coercion), and establishing a universal basic income are some necessary steps on the path to eliminating exploitation and sex trafficking.

atundratoadstool:

Henry Tilney’s unabashed love of muslin and Ann Radcliffe, when contrasted with John Thorpe’s dull-headed dismissal of novels and refusal to shut up about his stupid, blinged-out carriage, is this perfect example of how modes of masculinity that depend on rejecting feminine-coded pleasures are sort of doomed to fail on their own terms. You cannot be a tough, self-assured man when you’re too self-conscious to allow yourself the pleasure of a genre containing such winning titles as Necromancer of the Black Forest just because it’s associated with the ladies.

Gillette’s #MeToo Ad Shaved Me the Wrong Way – Brian Fabry Dorsam – Medium

Given Gillette’s 100-year history in the beauty industry and their problems with gender and exploitation, I’m not sure if I’m ready to believe that they’ll stand by their new ad campaign. I wrote about it at Medium.

Sipping on a cup of wine, I have come to a realization …

*clears throat*

GENDER NORMS ARE BULLSHIT.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

I have noticed that my friends who are butch lesbians tend to be described as “more obviously autistic” or “typically autistic” and may be assumed to struggle more than my more feminine friends. (This doesn’t mean that they are veryfeminine. In men, it might just mean that they are not very masculine). 

This is true no matter the gender of the friend, but it is especially true of feminine women.

I think this is because autistic traits are associated with masculine traits. 

For example, my autistic friends who have an interest in things like coding, taking objects apart to see how they work, and “hard” sciences like physics are seen as “more autistic” than autistic friends who have an interest in crafting (which can be highly technical and mathematical), reading, and “soft” sciences like psychology.  

Similarly, those who dress in a more masculine way apparently “appear” more autistic than those who dress in a more feminine way. 

These stereotypes about autism and gender lead to negative assumptions about both groups of people: those who are judged as “more autistic” just because they are masculine might be judged to be less competent than they actually are, and those who are judged as “less autistic” just because they are feminine or not very masculine may struggle far more than people realise. Their struggles tend to be brushed off as a feminine sensitivity or fussiness. Anxiety and worry are associated with femininity, as is - unfortunately - attention seeking and manipulation. 

Note: When I use the words “more autistic” I use them because this is how a lot of non-autistic people think of autism. I use it here to emphasise how simplistic and misguided these assumptions are about gender presentation and autism, not to condone the term. 

Masculinity is considered in many forms; hegemonic, alternative, marginalised, toxic and feline.

alexseanchai:

renthony:

Telling all men that they are irredeemable trash with no hope to improve is not actually how you dismantle patriarchy.

It’s how you make men stop trying to improve, because they’re convinced they can’t.

It’s how you shit on queer men and keep perpetuating the idea that queer masculinity is predatory and gross.

It’s how you keep trans men in the closet, suffering in silence because they don’t want to “betray” womanhood.

It’s how you silence men of color trying to talk about the ways they’re marginalized and seen as inherently more aggressive.

It’s how you steamroll over disabled men trying to access care.

It’s how you tell fat men that their struggles with fatphobia and medical neglect aren’t worth attention.

It’s how you tell abused men that their struggles aren’t real and that men can never be victims.

It’s how you tell marginalized men that they deserve to be treated badly because “man” cancels out the need for human dignity and kindness.

Funny how one way to describe patriarchy itself in fifteen words or less is systematically telling women they’re irredeemable trash with no hope to improve. Swapping the direct object and the implicit subject does not change any of the actual problems being described. Just who the problems benefit.

Scary Times for Men

Men have dominated the conversation forever—so why should I be expected to give them even more air time?

forAnxy Magazine

For me, the resistancebuilt slowly. It began in elementary school, on the days I found the confidence to raise my hand to answer a question, only to lose the chance to a boy who doesn’t raise his hand but shouts his response louder and faster. Or getting detention for hiding…

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Since our third successful Kickstarter campaign, we’ve been recognized as one of the top 100 organizations leading cultural change by YBCA, and nominated for five Stack Awards in 2018, including Magazine of the Year, and took home two Stack Awards in 2017—Launch of the Year and Subscribers’ Choice.

Now, we bring you our latest issue: The Masculinity Issue 

Our fourth issue explores the many shapes and shades of masculinity through Anxy’s celebrated mix of intimate personal essays, candid interviews, striking photo essays, art and design. 

Highlights include: Terry Crews interviewed by Carvell Wallace, with photography by Bethany Mollenkof; Alexis Madrigal on male self image in the age of social media; Karamo Brown interviewed by Johnetta Elzie, with photography by Aundre Larrow; Thor Benson on finding a role model in David Bowie; and our perceptions of masculinity as imagined by students from 826 Valencia.

Reserve your copy (or just support the campaign) here.

Why does Genius, like Brink, give its protagonist a father with a back injury? Consider the two films’ treatment of disability in the context of the father-as-provider archetype. In what ways do these films’ fathers subvert or uphold traditional economic and literary conceptions of masculinity?

Where are the men of courage? They’re gone thanks to ‘toxic masculinity’

Summary: this article condemns today’s culture in which they hate masculinity and attack it as toxic.

Sounds good so far.

EXCEPT….

1. It’s not just men’s duty to protect the public. All they’re doing in this article is glorifying the duty of men to be the expendable gender. Women can be cops and protect the public as well.
2. Who gets to define masculinity? The tradcons who wrote this? The feminists who hate masculinity and want to figuratively castrate men?

and three and most shockingly?

This article was posted on Reddit’s Men’s Rights forum!

Those numbskulls don’t even realize or care that they’re glorifying male disposability.

Another reason why I left the men’s rights movement…