4 years ago, I was sleeping about 4 hours every night. Many of my closest friends at the time had, or were in the process of, leaving me and I would cry from the loneliness. I was fighting with my parents and wanted to leave home. They thought I was exaggerating and attention-seeking. Every appointment ended with “we can’t help you” or “there’s nothing wrong with you” or medications that made me worse, to put it lightly. More than once I wanted to end it
This morning, I woke up after sleeping for 9 hours in a room built by my dad specially for me, so I would have a space for me if I stay at home longer because of my health. I texted my best friend who yesterday asked me to be her bridesmaid. Before asking me, she spent weeks making sure it would all be accessible and fun for me, not stressful. My mum brought my medication in for me, ones that actually make me feel better, and asked how I was feeling. Later I’ll text one of the members of my lovely and amazingly supportive medical team to see when we can video call. We always have tea when we call, and cookies or a cupcake- food doesn’t scare me so much anymore. Every appointment ends with “you’re doing so well”. I haven’t hurt myself in years, I actually stopped counting, and when it all gets too much I know I have people I can talk to and strategies prepared to get through it and it will pass. Life is still hard. But it keeps moving, and I’m so grateful.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it will be ok. It might not be now, and I don’t know when it will be, but it will be. It doesn’t all happen at once. Things are still hard. But one day you’ll wake up and be so glad you didn’t leave, because you would have missed these moments of happiness and love, and some of them-probably more than you realise- wouldn’t have been possible without you.
This! When I first became housebound, it took me a while to learn how important it is to count the small victories, and I remind myself every day. This is an emotional time, please be patient with yourself and count the small victories!
4 years ago, I was sleeping about 4 hours every night. Many of my closest friends at the time had, or were in the process of, leaving me and I would cry from the loneliness. I was fighting with my parents and wanted to leave home. They thought I was exaggerating and attention-seeking. Every appointment ended with “we can’t help you” or “there’s nothing wrong with you” or medications that made me worse, to put it lightly. More than once I wanted to end it
This morning, I woke up after sleeping for 9 hours in a room built by my dad specially for me, so I would have a space for me if I stay at home longer because of my health. I texted my best friend who yesterday asked me to be her bridesmaid. Before asking me, she spent weeks making sure it would all be accessible and fun for me, not stressful. My mum brought my medication in for me, ones that actually make me feel better, and asked how I was feeling. Later I’ll text one of the members of my lovely and amazingly supportive medical team to see when we can video call. We always have tea when we call, and cookies or a cupcake- food doesn’t scare me so much anymore. Every appointment ends with “you’re doing so well”. I haven’t hurt myself in years, I actually stopped counting, and when it all gets too much I know I have people I can talk to and strategies prepared to get through it and it will pass. Life is still hard. But it keeps moving, and I’m so grateful.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it will be ok. It might not be now, and I don’t know when it will be, but it will be. It doesn’t all happen at once. Things are still hard. But one day you’ll wake up and be so glad you didn’t leave, because you would have missed these moments of happiness and love, and some of them-probably more than you realise- wouldn’t have been possible without you.
