#my darling inej
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- Any man who falls behind is left behind
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my official campaign to be pirate king of the soc fandom
“Investment”
Yeah, investing your FEELINGS, you fool
Jesper:I just took this “what coffee creamer are you?” quiz
Jesper: Turns out I’m an ✨International Delight✨
The Moon had two mustaches, Joost and the problem.
why did it take me so long to put it in the right order
because it did it’s job
If 9 year old Kaz had discovered yo mama jokes, he would’ve had the entirety of Ketterdam on its knees, sobbing, in three days.
Kaz teaching his future child to drive: Now, what do you do if someone cuts you off?
Kanej Child: I flip them off and “pit-maneuver their ass”
Kaz: *So proud*
Kaz: The true lesson of making mistakes actually isn’t to learn from them, it’s a reminder to always kill any witnesses.
The Glass Turtle ~ Part Two
An Angsty Crows Christmas Fic
TW: Angst, Sickness, Mentions of Death
—— Indicates change in pov
Credit to @emmaannaelisabeth for the wonderful characters of the Crows’ children. Thank you for letting me use them. <33
“I know…” Matthias trails off, how to explain this to a child? “I know the snow and ice can be unforgiving, but it isn’t entirely bad. You know that, don’t you?”
Jordie nods and Matthias continues, “Would you like to hear a story?”
Matthias isn’t sure how to speak with him, but a child of Kaz and Inej’s is smart, and Jordie is a sweet child. His heart warms as he sees Jordie’s eyes light up and nod eagerly, “Oh yes please!”
“When I was a child, near your age, I was given a crystal, it was beautiful, it looked like the most beautiful shard of ice that could never melt. I was told to treat it with care and for hours I did. But my sister bumped into me and I ended up dropping it, the point shattered when it hit the floor.”
“I was so upset, at my sister, at myself. I yelled at her and she ran, much like you did. When my father went out to search for her, I still hadn’t cared. He brought her home, half-frozen and weaker than I’d ever seen her,” Matthias shakes his head, even now the guilt weighs heavy, “She had always loved to sew, her fingers were slender and lovely, but when I caught sight of them, they were black. My father had brought the doctor to see her, it was frostbite, she lost most of her fingers.”
“This is a very sad story.”
“It was,” He nods. “For a long time she could not find happiness and I carried the guilt with me, but a year later, I was forgiven, but better than that, she found something new she could do, even without her fingers. She learned to paint, she couldn’t hold a brush, but with her hands on the canvas she was able to create the most beautiful pictures I’d ever seen.”
“Why have I never heard of her before, Uncle Matt? She sounds nice.”
“That’s a story for another time, Lille Demjin.” Matthias smiles warmly and ruffles Jordie’s hair.
“Don’t let the guilt of the past weigh you down, you are young, you must move forward. Do not hold on to the sadness. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now you get some rest, it’ll be Christmas in the morning and you have so many presents to open.” The boy shivers and Matthias pulls the covers higher over his shoulders, but the room isn’t cold.
“Goodnight Uncle Matt, thank you for the story,” He pauses for a moment, “I’d like to meet your sister someday, there’s always room for more Aunties! And tell Lindie I say hi, please.”
“I will.” Matthias smiles and shuts the door behind him, Jordie will never meet his sister. She had died only two years after she lost her fingers, her last painting left unfinished, a pocket-sized portrait of Matthias- The only worldly possession he ever truly misses. Her death, even to this day, has left him learning the same lesson he hopes he taught Jordie. Guilt is a weight, it’ll drown you if it can.
——
Kaz had insisted that Inej needed rest, he would watch Jordie as he slept. She did her best to sleep, but it was restless, filled with the fear of losing her child.
Now she wakes with a start, Wylan is shaking her awake, she fights the urge to yank his hand off of her, I am safe, he is not here to hurt me. She takes a deep breath before she meets his eyes, even in the dark, and the concern rushes in.
“It’s Jordie.”
——
Melinda is scared, one moment she’d left the room with her Dads to go check on her friend, and the next JJ had woken up and couldn’t stop coughing. She’d run back to get her Da and moments later he’d left to get Inej with a worried look painted across his face.
She doesn’t get too close as the adults come into the room, encircling Jordie, they’ll take care of him. Jesper leaves from beside JJ to make space for Inej, walking over to stand beside Melinda.
“Da? Will he be alright?” She swears she sees a flash of fear in his grey eyes, but before she can think on it, he wraps her in his arms, maybe everything will be okay, she hugs him back.
Tears threaten to spill over, she’s trying so hard to be mature, she’s ten years old now, she needs to be a good example for JJ. But her best friend in the whole world is sick and everyone keeps looking at each other all weird, and there’s something they aren’t telling her and it makes her want to cry. So she does, she cries until Wylan stops talking and hugs her tightly and ruffles her ruddy gold hair until he convinces her it’ll all be okay. She just wants her friend to be better.
She isn’t allowed too close to his bedside, everyone is worried that she’ll catch whatever cold he has. He might be dying- Ghezen, don’t think of that. But she does, he might be dying and I can’t even hug him. He looks so tired.
She resorts to reading him a book from across the room, though she’s not sure he can hear her, he’s somewhere between sleep and being awake. The book is about an adventure, through forests and mountains, two best friends go in search of a treasure, fighting warlocks and dragons.
“Lindie?” Jordie croaks out, he sounds like Uncle Kaz.
“Yeah?” She stops reading.
“Promise me something. One day, you and I go on an adventure. I wanna meet a dragon.”
She nods, ”I promise.” She thinks for a second, ”What if he’s evil?”
“He’s probably just hangry, I’ll give him one of Auntie Ninny’s waffles.”
Melinda nods sagely before they both burst out laughing.
——
Nina feels helpless and the disappointed looks Kaz keeps giving her don’t help, he must think she doesn’t see it, but she knows. It hurts, but it’s no worse than what she already feels, the disappointment she already feels for herself, the guilt. All she wants is to help Jordie, but she cannot hear his heartbeat as she once would’ve been able to, all she feels is Death, creeping into the room, waiting to claim the child, he doesn’t deserve this.
It’s late at night before she makes her way into the kitchen, unable to sleep. Unsurprisingly, no one else has been able to either. Kaz and Inej sit at the table, both staring out into nothing, Jesper is sitting on the counter, hugging Wylan as he stands between his legs, his face pressed against Jesper’s chest. Only Matthias had been able to sleep, and even then he’s been mumbling things.
“Mind if I join you?” Her voice feels small in the heavy silence that blankets them all, any traces of hope are gone. No one acknowledges her fully, Inej sort of nods and Nina plops down in a chair, at least she can worry in the company of everyone else.
It’s even later in the night before she asks to speak with Kaz after Inej finally made her way to bed and after Jesper and Wylan did too.
“He isn’t getting any better,” How is she meant to say this?
“Obviously.” Kaz’s glares, she tries not to take it to heart.
“I can help him, Kaz.” She knows he understands fully and the look he gives her confirms her suspicion.
“No, Zenik, you cannot.” He looks down, but there’s no mistaking it.
“Brekker, give it to me, and maybe I can have a chance to save him,” Tears well in Nina’s eyes, “You and I both know this is our only option, Death hangs in the air, it’s waiting for the first moment of weakness from him.”
Kaz sighs, running a hand through that haircut of his, Nina knows it’s a hard decision, but she knows what he’ll say.
“I don’t have any.”
“Liar.”
Defeat is apparent in his posture, only the possible death of his son would make Kaz Brekker lie down like this, “Do you really think you could save him? Even after the change?”
Nina raises her chin, “I’d rather know I did my damned best than give up and just let him die.”
If only Eskil were here, if only he and Ava hadn’t taken the twins and gone to visit Ava’s grandparents, if only he weren’t in Ravka, if only he could save Jordie, if only… She pushes the ‘what if’s away” there’s not time for them now.
“How much parem will you need?”
Kaz:Jesper, why are you wearing that huge bow?
Jesper:Because it’s Christmas and I’m Ghezen’s gift to the world
Kaz:*smiles*
Jesper:…Is that a threat?
Kaz:No, I am
Nikolai:No, I am
Kaz:No, it’s me
Nikolai:Me!
Inej: What are you two arguing about?
Nikolai:Which one of us is the better Bastard™️
Kaz:Tell him it’s me, Inej
Inej:…. I hate you both
Inej at some point: Of course I know how to shake my ass Nina, I simply have no ass to shake
Kaz at some point: Ah yes, Nikolai Lantsov, The OtherBastard
Kaz at some point: Nikolai Lantsov, Rat King of Ravka, I presume
The Glass Turtle ~ Part One
An Angsty Crows Christmas Fic
TW: Angst
—— Indicates change in pov
Credit to @emmaannaelisabeth for the amazing character of Jordie, Kanej’s child <3
Perhaps if Nina hadn’t given him the tiny glass turtle he wouldn’t be so freezing cold, perhaps if she hadn’t told him so many times to “be careful” he wouldn’t be crying, his cheeks and nose red from the biting wind. Perhaps if he hadn’t loved it so much, perhaps if he hadn’t dropped it, he wouldn’t be lost, perhaps he’d still be at Christmas Eve dinner with his family.
But Nina had given him a tiny glass turtle, bought in Fjerda, it looked just like his pet turtle, Dirtles Turtles. She’d told him to be careful and he was, as best he could, but in the end he’d dropped it, the green glass shattering as it hit the floor. He hadn’t told anyone, no, he was too ashamed, the tears flowed freely and his feet carried him through the door, into a world of white, where it was so easy to be lost.
——
The only sign of anything wrong are the shards of green glass that lay on the wood floor. Kaz kneels down to pick them up, pushing through the pain in his leg. The only thing missing is his son. Jesper is beside him, he gives Kaz a knowing look and they put on their coats.
——
Jordie is running, to where? He isn’t sure; he hardly knows he’s running. Auntie Ninny told me not to break it, the only thought in his mind, how could I be so stupid?
The snow crunches below his feet, the cold nipping at his ears till his lungs need a rest. He looks around, the world unrecognizable with it’s coating of white. He fights the fear away, the gnawing truth, he’s lost. Even at nine years old he knows the city well enough, but so rarely did it snow. He wants his mama.
The cold is too cold, he’s too tired, the little space between two buildings looks too welcoming, he’ll sleep and wait for his mama and papa to find him. He slips into the darkness of sleep with ease, the nothingness welcoming him against the snow.
He wakes with a start, he’s being tapped by a boy just a few years older than himself, it takes him a moment to understand what’s happening, sleep and cold clouding his mind.
“You really should get inside, you’ll freeze out here,” The boy says, he looks like Papa, very young Papa. Jordie nods, but his eyes are already closing again, and the boy is drifting into sleep.
This time he dreams of hot chocolate, of mama and papa, of dirtles tutles and Auntie Ninny, of home and his family. Something deeper, more permanent than sleep calls to Jordie, and he wants so badly to rest, maybe forever. No, he wants his mama, he wants his papa.
Now he wakes slowly, there’s more snow than before. How is there so much of it? He too is covered in snow, he brushes it off grogily.
No one is on the street, has he been left alone in this world? Is it Christmas day yet? How long had he slept? He wanders for minutes or hours as the snow begins to fall heavier, the light in the sky dimming, the cold creeps in and chills him to the bone.
The whole world is white. Not sparkling and light like before, but dark and biting, the snow blinds him. He stumbles on, no idea of where he’s going, unable to see anything, the storm rips around him. He can’t stop walking, he needs to go home.
A loud cracking noise fills the air as the ground below him gives out. He’s plunged into water, it fills his lungs. He can’t move. I must. He claws for the surface, pushing himself up, but his hands meet ice. No, no, no, I can’t be trapped.
Open your eyes, whose voice tells him? He doesn’t know, not against the cold and the screaming of his lungs for air. He looks around with stinging eyes and pulls himself to the surface. He holds the ice, too weak to pull himself from the water.
I’m going to die here, the tears stream from his eyes once again asd he screams. For help, for his parents, for the Saints and Ghezen and anyone who will listen. But the edges of his vision go dark and there is no answer.
A hand drags him from the water. Papa must’ve found me, he drifts into sleep again.
“You look just like him,” The words rouse him from sleep, but they are not from his Papa. It takes him a moment to realize the boy who spoke is the same as before.
“Who are you?” His throat is sore from the yelling, he’s oh so cold.
The dark haired boy looks at him and grins, holding out his hand, “Jordie, Jordie Rietveld.”
“We have the same name!” He forgets the cold.
“Oh really? Well, it’s a good name.”
“My Papa says he used to have a brother with our name too!”
For a moment the other boy’s smile falters, maybe he’s sad about something, Jordie thinks.
“I’m awfully cold.”
“You hold on, okay? Your Papa will be here soon, I promise.” Sleep calls to him and once again he drifts into it, welcoming the absense of snow.
——
“Ghezen, Kaz.” Jesper breathes, but Kaz is already running, his cane long forgotten.
“Jordie!” The boy doesn’t move, he’s soaked and freezing, his lips are blue and he isn’t moving. A discarded hot chocolate cup lays on in the snow beside him, whose is it?
His mind is frantic, praying, pleading, worrying for his son, “Jesper, do something.”
“Kaz, you know there’s nothing I can do.”
Kaz takes off his jacket, ripping open the buttons on his shirt as Jesper helps to get Jordie’s off as well. His cold, clammy skin against Kaz’s bare chest is more than enough to send waves crashing above. He pushes away the nausea, pulling the boy closer. He needs to keep him warm, to hell with what I feel.
Jesper places a coat around the two of them and they trudge home through the snow.
Every moment that passes he feels as though Jordie slips further away.
Kaz places Jordie on the kitchen table, cleared by Inej and Wylan, “Oh my god,” Inej covers her mouth with a hand, choking back a sob. He climbs onto the table as well, pulling his son’s body closer to his, I need to keep him warm.
He watches as Wylan brings blankets and pajamas. He watches Nina, who is as frozen as him, surely wishing she could help.
Matthias adds wood to the fire, Inej fusses over Jordie and still Kaz does not move. His boy, his only boy. He cannot lose another Jordie to the harbor.
“Mama?” The boy’s eyes flutter open and everyone whips around to see him, thank Ghezen.
Matthias appears from the kitchen and hands a bottle of whiskey to Kaz, “Now is really not the time, Matthias.”
“Not for you, Demjin,” He gestures to Jordie, “For him.” Kaz understands, but he doesn’t take the bottle.
Worry flashes on Matthias’ face, but in a moment it’s gone, he sits Jordie up only enough to have him sip it. Jordie coughs and the sound reverberates in Kaz’s mind, dredging up old memories, reopening old wounds.
——
Sleep is Jordie’s new best friend, he’s warm now but the cold haunts his fingertips, his coughing, evidence of his time spent in the cold.
“Papa?” He doesn’t move and it worries him, “Papa?”
“Yes, Jordie?”
“Please tell Auntie Ninny I’m so sorry.” Jordie is a big kid, he tries to be strong, but his voice cracks at the end and the tears flow. He loved the glass turtle with all his heart and was so sorry to know his Auntie would be sad.
“Oh Jordie, it’s okay, she isn’t mad at you.” His Papa kneels beside him, all Jordie wants is a hug.
He holds up his hand, curling it into a fist two times, he waits and Kaz does the same. Before he knows it he’s wrapped in a hug, warmer than anything he’s ever felt.
When he wakes up again, Jesper is beside him, “Hey kid, have a good adventure?” But Jordie sees worry, the same lines by his Papa’s eyes are around Uncle Jeppe’s. He leans toward him and pulls Jesper into a hug.
“Uncle Jeppe? Can we still open presents tomorrow even if I’m sick? Please? I really don’t want to miss Christmas and this year I asked Santa for a hat like Papa’s and I really want to still have Christmas.”
“We’ll still have Christmas, I promise.” Jesper reaches out his hand and Jordie shakes it.
“The deal is the deal,” With all the grown-up-ness he can muster, a short coughing fit interrupts them but when Jordie is alright again, Jesper says the same.
“The deal is the deal.”
Before he goes, Jesper reaches out his hand once again and places it on Jordie’s forehead, it feels ice cold against his skin and a worried look flashes across Jesper’s face.
Nina is the next to visit Jordie, he’s worried though because he sees tears in her eyes, is she angry? She walks over and sits on the bed next to him.
“I’m so sorry Auntie Ninny, I really did try to be careful, I promise.” He feels the tears rising again.
She shakes her head and wraps him in a hug, she smells pretty, like flowers and sugar, and waffles and Jordie hugs her tightly, now he knows she isn’t angry.
“Never run off like that again, promise?” Jordie nods, he will never run off again.
“Will you please tell my Mama it’s too hot in here?” Nina’s eyebrows knit together, why does everyone keep looking so worried?
The Twelve Day of Christmas, But The Crows Sing It
Jesper: On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 sticky bombs, 11 corroding acids-
Inej: 10 hat requests, 9 withering glares-
Matthias: 8 lewd comments, 7 embarrassing moments-
Wylan: 6 bad decisions, 5 silver bullets-
Nina: 4 giant waffles, 3 condescending looks-
Kaz: No.
Kaz:…… 2 huge betrayals, and oneeee impossibleeeee heistttttt
Imagine the Crows planning and throwing an elaborate Christmas party to get Kaz into the holiday spirit.
They put up tons of decorations, with loads of presents and make sure music is playing the entire time.
Kaz shows up, gives the place a good look, and turns to face the (extremely excited) Crows and deadpans, “I’m Jewish.”
He is not, he just has fun watching the color drain from their face. He bursts out laughing after a minute of silence which only confuses them more.
In the end they all have a great time though. Somehow Jesper steals Kaz’s cane and wraps it with Christmas lights, he fabrikated them on so Kaz can’t remove them. And Inej coerces him into wearing a Santa hat.
What is it about Grishaverse characters suffering greatly at the age of nine?? Both Kaz AND Zoya did.
Jesper:The glass is half full
Matthias:No, it’s half empty
Kaz, observing the glass: It’s poisoned, you podges
Jesper:My Da told me I can be anything.
Kaz: Then be quiet.
Kaz is just an emo Elsa
The Crows as Random Things My Family Members Have Said ~
Kaz: This is the corner of Death, just so we’re on the same page
Jesper: I have to ask him if he’s gay at least once a week
Inej: Don’t touch my cookies, I will CUT you
Nina:What’s a cult classic? I’m my own cult classic
Matthias:That’s too complicated for me, I can’t even spell VR
Wylan:Here Dad, this pickle is your new son. I’m out.
Kuwei: Actually I fleek it spuently
Six of Crows as Random Things My Family Members Have Said ~
Kaz: Hahaha, I don’t feel anything
Jesper: If you can burn your tongue… Can you tan it too?
Inej:Donuts for Jesus
Nina:Then boom! All I got was a taquito
Matthias:Out of all of the things you do, that should be one of the things you don’t
Wylan: Do you want me to kick your teeth in sir?
Kuwei (as a lil bonus): I’m a garden gnome
Jan Van Eck: We’re going to have the exterminator come and exterminate you
The Crows as Random Things My Family Members Have Said ~
Kaz:You wanna get enunciated, motherfucker?!
Jesper: That aint a ufo- that’s a flying stripper
Inej: Oh shit- I gotta go check on the dinosaurs
Nina: Get out of the way, I’m trying to look at my butt
Matthias:Save the cows, eat llama
Wylan: $79 trip to Pangea
Please take a moment to imagine Jesper and Wylan dancing in the rain to lover boy by Tabby.
Y'all remember before the SAB (show) Winter Fete talent bit, where Inej and Jesper were marketing their skills to get in?
Well, imagine if Kaz hadn’t said no, imagine if he’d gotten up on stage and performed magic tricks. Imagine if his performance included Inej.
Jesper:Kaz.
Kaz:*Crickets chirping*
Jesper:Kaaaaz.
Kaz:*Glaring*
Jesper:Kazzzzzieeeee.
Kaz:*bOnK*
Petition to see Kaz wear eyeliner in season two.
Jesper:I got hit by a car- but before you ask! No, it wasn’t like that
Inej:So you weren’thit by a car?
Jesper:Oh no, I definitely was, I broke three bones!
