1. Happy birthday to Mordred and Gawain, don’t let your brother almost drown this time

2. I came up with a sad thing. Imagine Lancelot not being able to return to Soreloise or the distant Distant Isles after Galehaut died. All he has left of his “close companion” is his favorite shirt. Lancelot wears it all the time because the feel of it is comforting and it smells like Galehaut. It’s huge so when he feels depressed, he puts it on because it feels like Galehaut is there hugging him

Long post ahoy, Pls read if you’d be so kind…

Ehe, hey. . Might be back around here I guess cause I just need somewhere to be that ain’t Twitter or Insta. . Not as if I hadn’t been posting random sh*t already before dipping, but this is you’re cue to jump ship now if you don’t wanna be around for a potential mess. . Not gonna sugar coat it. . I’m not really alright mentally (who really is anymore?? I’m not special lmao), haven’t been for a while now, but I just want to go back to having a place with the cute/comfort stuff I used to enjoy. . Imma try my best to not be a downer, but that may or may not slip through the cracks every once in a while, real sorry in advance (╯︵╰,)… Gonna keep my header and pfp probably (mostly cause I don’t know what to change it to and cause those mfs bring me comfort ig??), but just fyi I’m not doing AoEx fandom stuff anymore, also sorry for that too >_>

All that being said, pause the pity party, Cap! ( ；∀；)

The last couple of years have been pretty f*cking hard for all of us (no doy!), If any of y'all wanna talk, my dms are always open. . Was never clear about that before, but if anyone needs a listener. . I am here for you, zero judgement; just here for you, promise. (っ.❛ ᴗ ❛.)っ

[[ If you got this far, thank you for even reading this, seriously <3. . This isn’t some, “pls pay attention to me awoo!” post, in fact I don’t expect much from this period. . Just kinda wanted to give an update, this blog ain’t dead, I’ve just been hiding ig lol ]]

Thank you sincerely for reading or even following me!! ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯

I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN

GIVE SOPHIE FOSTER A BOW AND ARROW. AND REALLY GOOD ARMOR.

WHY IS THIS GIRL RUNNING AROUND WITH CLOSE RANGE WEAPONS WHEN SHE COULD TOTALLY KATNISS EVERDEEN THOSE NEVERSEEN BITCHES

Kaz is just an emo Elsa

{this post is not a happy one y’all. If you don’t feel like listening to me being all in my feels rn, just keep scrolling and ignore this please. Btw idk if that sounded passive aggressive just then, but I’m just putting that out there so anyone who doesn’t need negativity in their lives rn can pass this without it affecting them, bc I know I feel that way sometimes}

At this point in my life, I’m supposed to be going to school, figuring out my life, meeting new people, moving out, growing up, etc.  But I just feel like I’m totally lost on what to do with myself since there’s no one around me that I can really look to as an example or a leader.

My adhd scares me so much and I hate how much it rules over my life.

Instead of getting to move into dorms and have a normal college life, my fear of being constantly overstimulated and getting panic attacks has kept me at home with my family. And don’t get me wrong, I love my family and this was definitely better financially, but I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much because of it.

Right now I’m watching all of my friends move out, meet new people, and pursue degrees and careers they have confidence they can fulfill because they don’t have to worry about the limitations set on them with a disability like adhd. 

To be honest, I’ve known this was coming, and have been bracing myself for it for a while now. I also know that everyone struggles and that my life could be a lot worse. I shouldn’t be divulging in self pity so much, but it’s so hard to stop the problems and limitations caused by adhd from getting to me.

I’m trying to figure out what career I should pursue, but I have no idea what to do since I’m scared of how my adhd/anxiety could inhibit my future. Maybe if I choose a certain career path, I’m going to screw myself over because it’s not going to mix well with my mental conditions. What am I gonna do then? Won’t it be too late? It’s not like I can easily just go back to school and start over.

I always feel so alone. There’s no one I can talk to about this because not only do I want to upset anyone I know with my own unhappiness, but also because they just literally don’t get it. It’s totally not their fault, but there’s no way to make a connection with the people around me on this since they don’t understand what it’s like to have adhd.

I’ve gained like 20 lbs. in the last ~2 years because I stress eat. The difference between my body’s health and condition during the school year vs. during the summer shocks me every time school ends and I improve again. I see how much damage the stress of adhd does to my body since I have to work so hard to prevent my adhd from holding me back in school.

I had to become a part time student at school this semester (which is bad bc I’m a scholarship student and I was never supposed to do that in the first place) because I couldn’t take the work load of school. I was literally getting no sleep and was physically and mentally exhausted. Not to mention the fact that I need to work part time if I want to make enough money to move out. I’m scared for this upcoming semester since I have to go back to being full time and work my part time job at the same time. I don’t know how badly the extra work is going to affect my health.

I don’t want to be sad, scared, lonely, and insecure anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to know I have control over my life, but I don’t know how to do that.

Sorry this is a giant wall of text and it’s super all over the place. My mind is just kind of a mess right now and I’m really frustrated and tired.

Thank you SO MUCH to anyone who actually reads this whole thing. I don’t deserve that. I’m open to hearing your advice. Lol if you couldn’t already tell, I’m kind of at wits end here.

Anyway, Happy New Year. Here’s to a better 2019.

I’m attracted to girls, women and pretty boys as I am a woman

I like to hang out with them and always get nervous around and get distracted by how charming they are. But never really want to date them. Just enjoy each other’s company and chatting about same interest stuff we’re like to shared in common and not too personal. No romantic attraction involved. that’s all

Happy pride month

Be proud, Be Gay