Anyway, since grisha typically live long lives and assuming how powerful a grisha is=how long their lifespan will be (since Zoya practically became the grishaverse’s avatar) that means she’s gonna live years (maybe even decades) after Nik’s gone.
(please tap for higher quality and also to read my tiny handwriting :))) )
another snippet from chapter 6 cause it’s been hard to write lately, so enjoy Nikolai’s witty little sister Linnea as she enters the scene, more zoyalai banter and an exasperated Zoya. (and funny mentions of the Dregs)
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They reconvened in what looked like a study, except it was twice as big as Zoya’s sitting room in the Grand Palace and she doubted Kirigin had ever dedicated himself to paperwork. Nikolai and Tamar were sorting through reports while Zoya read the signed documents Nikolai had brought back from the Merchant Council, trying to soothe the brewing anger in her heart and the pulsing pain in her temples. Zoya lifted her head toward the door when she heard Nadia’s voice in the hallway, showing their guest the way. Nadia entered the room first, coming to sit beside her wife; behind her, a girl gracefully walked through the door, her steps light and her posture straight.
Linnea Opjer appeared older than her twenty-two years of age, with a knowing smile dancing constantly on her lips, her look quickly scanning every place she entered and studying every person she met. The analytical intensity of her gaze was eavened out by the soft quality of her voice and movements. Linnea was made of inconsistencies that weirdly fitted perfectly together; the lethal quiet with which she swayed through the world rivaled the ravenous chaos of the gears constantly turning in her mind. She looked the spitting image of Nikolai, to the point of absurdity considering they were only half-related; her golden curls were messily held at the top of her head by a pencil she kept adjusting with ink stained fingers. Some strands fell on her face, framed by a sharp jaw and a slightly crooked nose that only added to the memorability of her features. The handsomeness clearly ran in the family; the only difference between them were Linnea’s clear eyes, azure like a river caught by the summer sun. The gleam of brilliance and cunning in them, though, that was all too Nikolai’s not to be noticed. Linnea crutsied in Zoya’s direction.
“Your Highness,” she greeted. Zoya glared muderously at Nikolai, who cautiously averted his gaze.
“Did your brother not advise you that there is no need to do that?”
“He probably did,” Linnea admitted, joining her hands behind her back. Her look kept darting to every corner, lingering on details, as if she was assessing something. “Then again, as I am sure you are aware, my brother tends to provide an excessive amount of talking. I usually tune out the things I consider unnecessary.”
She locked eyes on Zoya’s, a corner of her mouth twisting in a comradely smirk. Her tone was affectionate; even knowing each other for such a brief time, she and Nikolai were already growing very fond of each other. Zoya liked Linnea. She was quieter than Nikolai, more practical, but she had the same creative and restless energy, the same optimistic outcome on life and a convolutive mind. This would be her last year at Ketterdam’s university before graduating in naval engineering. Linnea, like Nikolai, was an inventor though; engineering was just one of her many talents. A small wishful part of Zoya had wanted Linnea to like her too, from the first time they met.
“You’d have to ignore roughly half the things he says.”
“At least,” Linnea shrugged her shoulders. “Sometimes more.”
Tamar laughed, bobbing her chin at the girl. “I like her,” she stated.
“I told you,” remarked Nadia, casting a fond smile at Linnea. Nadia had given her an extended tour of the lab when the girl had visited Os Alta, cushioning her from the incessant enthusiasm Nikolai was showering her with. Linnea had gracefully taken it. Zoya distinctively remembered the night the three of them spent discussing the cooling system for the newest model of flying ship’s engines, while she had drifted to sleep lulled by their muffled excited voices in the sitting room.
“I am standing right here,” came Nikolai’s retort, his tone slightly offended. “And I feel the need to remind you that everything I say has a purpose.”
Zoya would have preferred to entertain this light banter, to grab some lunch on the docks with Linnea and Nikolai, to hear the girl tell them about her university days, about a life Zoya and Nikolai never knew. Ravka demanded everything but lightness, though. She gestured for Linnea to take a seat, ringing for some coffee; Linnea enjoyed it bitter and strong. The girl strode to a chair, taking off her refined wool coat. Underneath, she wore a loose blouse and practical pants and boots; despite her casual attire, she glowed with confidence and surety. Every inch Nikolai’s sister.
“Why has your brother dragged you away from your studies?”
Linnea downed her coffee, adjusting the pencil in her hair. “I asked to come, actually. I knew he would be in town, and I jumped at the chance to update him on some interesting discoveries I made.”
Zoya arched her brow in Nikolai’s direction. Whatever had the fool pulled his sister into? She reminded herself not to underestimate Linnea. The smug sparkle in her look suggested she was not an innocent girl being deceived into action.
“Is it something we need to worry about?”
“Part of it, not anymore. The rest, maybe.” Linnea grabbed a leather briefcase in front of her, pulling out some files. She extended them to Tamar, who began sorting through the papers, growing more worried with every turn of the page. An uncomfortable feeling creeped in Zoya’s stomach. More trouble brewing.
“Tell Zoya what happened, Linnea.” Zoya peered at Nikolai: he was practically beaming with pride, shifting in his seat, barely restraining himself from unleashing an avalanche of words on them.
“Please Linnea, do, before your brother steals the spotlight and doom falls upon us.”
At least Linnea could be a bit more concise than Nikolai and cut straight to the point. The girl straightened her spine and held her chin high. You could witness her clever brain at work, disguised under her sheer beauty. She flicked the pencil from her curls, leaving them to unfurl on her neck. While she talked, her hands scribbled mindlessly on a piece of paper, sketching as if she needed a practical way to soothe her energy and focus.
“As you know, I work at the university. Some laboratories are located in the older buildings, outside the chaos of the city. I used to go there to…experiment with some inventions.” Experiment with some inventions was clearly an elegant way to refer to fiddling with dangerous mechanical devices that could explode. Zoya was sure she was not imagining the envious look on Nikolai’s face. Then again, he had been the one to drop his studies and travel the world as a damn privateer. “One of my colleagues is an expert chemist with a big mouth. She let it slip that they were experimenting on parem.”
A bolt of renewed fear and anger shot through Zoya’s chest. Flames of rage ignited in her lungs, cutting the air short, as her power began stirring. Parem. Her mind drifted back to the stocks hidden in the warehouse. Both West Ravka and Kerch dallying in parem could not just be a horrific coincidence. She felt Nikolai’s hand discreetly brushing her thigh under the table, a reassuring touch to prevent her from summoning another storm inside the room.
“They were trying to make the drug more bearable for Grisha. More serviceable, marketable. The quantities were small, the remnants of a previous stock held in the basement under the laboratories. It was supposed to be shipped here, to Os Kervo.”
Her temper was barely controlled now. Every word Linnea spoke felt like a thorn breaking the skin. More suffering for Grisha at the hand of their people. Linnea sent a reassuring smile her way, no doubt noticing the way her knuckles turned white on the wooden table.
“It’s not a problem anymore,” she declared, firm and confident. Zoya shot her a confused look, sweeping her gaze from her to Nikolai.
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say someone might have stolen it.” Nikolai was not able to contain himself anymore. “And destroyed it.”
“With the help of some very expert thieves.” Linnea added.
Zoya’s eyes widened in shock, and her disbelieving gaze snapped to Nikolai. “You let her associate herself with those reprobates? Your younger sister ?” she seethed, utterly stunned. “Are you out of your mind to involve her in this?” Nikolai held his hands up in a surrendering gesture and outright laughed in Zoya’s face.
“You assume I have any kind of influence on what she does. Or that I even knew what she was planning on achieving.” Zoya could not decide which of the two siblings deserved her glare more right now. Perhaps it would be better to disguise the faint admiration for Linnea’s venture and rely on the common annoyance that came along with Nikolai’s recklessness. Yet she really admired what Linnea had accomplished.
“You did this on your own?”
Linnea shrugged her shoulders again. “One needs to know how to navigate the perilous waters of Ketterdam. It was not particularly challenging to find the Dregs, nor to understand which one of them you associated with. Pleasant fellow, I have to say.”
The opinion was given with a satisfied nod, leaving no room for considering its honesty. If there was even the hint of a doubt about Nikolai and Linnea’s parentage, it would be very well swept away by their mutual liking of that disrespectful Brekker individual. Only someone with Nikolai’s same blood and twisted brain could find the thief pleasant.
“Besides, it was threatening my brother’s fianceè’s rule. Could not ignore it.”
Zoya rolled her eyes, anticipating Tamar’s overly amused comment. “Not his fianceè.”
Linnea arched a brow in Nikolai’s direction. “Have you not asked her yet?”
“Just drop it”, suggested Tamar again, throwing the files on the table. “Nikolai is stubborn like hell and Zoya is getting impatient. But you won’t get this out of them.” Zoya clicked her tongue, refusing to admit how accurately Tamar grasped the absurd situation.
“I have to say I’m feeling cornered to justify myself, but I am courting her.”
“You are such an idiot.”
“I kindly suggest romantic.”
“Are you sure we’re related?”
“Can we go back to the business at hand?”
Linnea shot him a look that clearly read they would be resuming this conversation. She turned thoughtful, keeping her attention on him. “The sharpshooter kept asking about your flying ships. I revealed to him I knew Sturmhond just for the sake of seeing him squirm with excitement.”
Thrill sparked on Nikolai’s face. Nothing like a boost to his ego to raise his mood even more. “I know. I already promised I would take him for a ride, before we caught up with you.”
“Don’t bother.” The girl crumpled her sketch, twisting the pencil up in her hair once more. “I told him I could build him a small one.” Of course she could. Should Zoya even ask? “He practically proposed to me on the spot, much to his boyfriend’s amusement. Oh,” she seemed to remember Zoya’s presence, “you know he’s a Fabrikator, right? Not that good at hiding it, might I add.”
At this point, the queen was rendered speechless. Linnea smirked at Nikolai; she propped her elbows on the table and leaned her chin in her joined hands, in a pose that could pass as childish but looked nothing but mischievous. His brother grinned back with an eerily identical expression and winked at her.
Saints, Zoya realized with an exasperated grunt, there’s two of them.
I don’t know how to express this well but I really like how flowers and ribbons are motifs that Bardugo emphasizes especially in Kaz Brekker’s backstory and Nikolai’s life which I feel are sort of foils of each other. Both of them mask their feelings for their crush - Nikolai with humor and Kaz by not addressing them at all. While Nikolai came from wealth and Kaz from destitution, I feel they both desire the same simple things. To have their loved one safe and to maintain some sort of power but not abusing their power (Kaz taking Haskell down) (Nikolai trying to choose a rightful leader). They both have a sense of moral and justness that they cling to.
Kaz remembers the detail of Saskia’s red ribbon. It’s a symbol of his lost innocence, childhood, his love for life and others. I thought it stood out because this was a detail disclosed to us in a flashback but Kaz didn’t verbally share it with us , the readers. It is only when he repeats this detail to Pekka when we realize this red ribbon is personal to him and deeply affected him. Kaz is a deeply sentimental person at heart and he is still a child hurt by the loss of losing everything that made him happy. He lost the red ribbon. And you see why he is so deeply vengeful. He remembers everything he lost.
For Nikolai. he seems to have this sort of fetish . Well I don’t like fetish word. But obsession with Zoya’s ribbon. It’s Something that signals his crush on her throughout the book.
Geraniums, Inej’s mother’s favorite flower, comes up a lot. And right after Inej talks about Kaz and how he won’t give her flowers. But obviously Kaz is this man who is providing for her. He gives her a ship. He thinks of what she wants. We do get a flower moment in CK when Kaz dumps the geraniums into the canal and swoops a cloak around Inej like a phantom in the night. It’s sweeping. It’s romantic and over-the-top.
Not sure about other flower moments but it is mentioned quite a lot in the books like the blue irises for Alina as a symbol of the Darkling’s manipulation and Mal’s care for her.
I love how flowers symbolize the thought and care that the partner shows for the other. I guess that’s usually what most people use flowers for in books but I like how its mentioned consistently through different relationships in the books.
“He would not beg Zoya to stay. It was not in his nature to plead with anyone, and that was not the pact they shared. They did not look to each other for comfort. They kept each other marching. They kept each other strong”
Here’s my piece based on the amazing fic by @nazyalenskyism also check out the artwork by @cosmicjiver I loved working with both of you, thanks for such a great experience :)
Credit to @emmaannaelisabeth for the wonderful characters of the Crows’ children. Thank you for letting me use them. <33
“I know…” Matthias trails off, how to explain this to a child? “I know the snow and ice can be unforgiving, but it isn’t entirely bad. You know that, don’t you?”
Jordie nods and Matthias continues, “Would you like to hear a story?”
Matthias isn’t sure how to speak with him, but a child of Kaz and Inej’s is smart, and Jordie is a sweet child. His heart warms as he sees Jordie’s eyes light up and nod eagerly, “Oh yes please!”
“When I was a child, near your age, I was given a crystal, it was beautiful, it looked like the most beautiful shard of ice that could never melt. I was told to treat it with care and for hours I did. But my sister bumped into me and I ended up dropping it, the point shattered when it hit the floor.”
“I was so upset, at my sister, at myself. I yelled at her and she ran, much like you did. When my father went out to search for her, I still hadn’t cared. He brought her home, half-frozen and weaker than I’d ever seen her,” Matthias shakes his head, even now the guilt weighs heavy, “She had always loved to sew, her fingers were slender and lovely, but when I caught sight of them, they were black. My father had brought the doctor to see her, it was frostbite, she lost most of her fingers.”
“This is a very sad story.”
“It was,” He nods. “For a long time she could not find happiness and I carried the guilt with me, but a year later, I was forgiven, but better than that, she found something new she could do, even without her fingers. She learned to paint, she couldn’t hold a brush, but with her hands on the canvas she was able to create the most beautiful pictures I’d ever seen.”
“Why have I never heard of her before, Uncle Matt? She sounds nice.”
“That’s a story for another time, Lille Demjin.” Matthias smiles warmly and ruffles Jordie’s hair.
“Don’t let the guilt of the past weigh you down, you are young, you must move forward. Do not hold on to the sadness. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now you get some rest, it’ll be Christmas in the morning and you have so many presents to open.” The boy shivers and Matthias pulls the covers higher over his shoulders, but the room isn’t cold.
“Goodnight Uncle Matt, thank you for the story,” He pauses for a moment, “I’d like to meet your sister someday, there’s always room for more Aunties! And tell Lindie I say hi, please.”
“I will.” Matthias smiles and shuts the door behind him, Jordie will never meet his sister. She had died only two years after she lost her fingers, her last painting left unfinished, a pocket-sized portrait of Matthias- The only worldly possession he ever truly misses. Her death, even to this day, has left him learning the same lesson he hopes he taught Jordie. Guilt is a weight, it’ll drown you if it can.
——
Kaz had insisted that Inej needed rest, he would watch Jordie as he slept. She did her best to sleep, but it was restless, filled with the fear of losing her child.
Now she wakes with a start, Wylan is shaking her awake, she fights the urge to yank his hand off of her, I am safe, he is not here to hurt me. She takes a deep breath before she meets his eyes, even in the dark, and the concern rushes in.
“It’s Jordie.”
——
Melinda is scared, one moment she’d left the room with her Dads to go check on her friend, and the next JJ had woken up and couldn’t stop coughing. She’d run back to get her Da and moments later he’d left to get Inej with a worried look painted across his face.
She doesn’t get too close as the adults come into the room, encircling Jordie, they’ll take care of him. Jesper leaves from beside JJ to make space for Inej, walking over to stand beside Melinda.
“Da? Will he be alright?” She swears she sees a flash of fear in his grey eyes, but before she can think on it, he wraps her in his arms, maybe everything will be okay, she hugs him back.
Tears threaten to spill over, she’s trying so hard to be mature, she’s ten years old now, she needs to be a good example for JJ. But her best friend in the whole world is sick and everyone keeps looking at each other all weird, and there’s something they aren’t telling her and it makes her want to cry. So she does, she cries until Wylan stops talking and hugs her tightly and ruffles her ruddy gold hair until he convinces her it’ll all be okay. She just wants her friend to be better.
She isn’t allowed too close to his bedside, everyone is worried that she’ll catch whatever cold he has. He might be dying- Ghezen, don’t think of that. But she does, he might be dying and I can’t even hug him. He looks so tired.
She resorts to reading him a book from across the room, though she’s not sure he can hear her, he’s somewhere between sleep and being awake. The book is about an adventure, through forests and mountains, two best friends go in search of a treasure, fighting warlocks and dragons.
“Lindie?” Jordie croaks out, he sounds like Uncle Kaz.
“Yeah?” She stops reading.
“Promise me something. One day, you and I go on an adventure. I wanna meet a dragon.”
She nods, ”I promise.” She thinks for a second, ”What if he’s evil?”
“He’s probably just hangry, I’ll give him one of Auntie Ninny’s waffles.”
Melinda nods sagely before they both burst out laughing.
——
Nina feels helpless and the disappointed looks Kaz keeps giving her don’t help, he must think she doesn’t see it, but she knows. It hurts, but it’s no worse than what she already feels, the disappointment she already feels for herself, the guilt. All she wants is to help Jordie, but she cannot hear his heartbeat as she once would’ve been able to, all she feels is Death, creeping into the room, waiting to claim the child, he doesn’t deserve this.
It’s late at night before she makes her way into the kitchen, unable to sleep. Unsurprisingly, no one else has been able to either. Kaz and Inej sit at the table, both staring out into nothing, Jesper is sitting on the counter, hugging Wylan as he stands between his legs, his face pressed against Jesper’s chest. Only Matthias had been able to sleep, and even then he’s been mumbling things.
“Mind if I join you?” Her voice feels small in the heavy silence that blankets them all, any traces of hope are gone. No one acknowledges her fully, Inej sort of nods and Nina plops down in a chair, at least she can worry in the company of everyone else.
It’s even later in the night before she asks to speak with Kaz after Inej finally made her way to bed and after Jesper and Wylan did too.
“He isn’t getting any better,” How is she meant to say this?
“Obviously.” Kaz’s glares, she tries not to take it to heart.
“I can help him, Kaz.” She knows he understands fully and the look he gives her confirms her suspicion.
“No, Zenik, you cannot.” He looks down, but there’s no mistaking it.
“Brekker, give it to me, and maybe I can have a chance to save him,” Tears well in Nina’s eyes, “You and I both know this is our only option, Death hangs in the air, it’s waiting for the first moment of weakness from him.”
Kaz sighs, running a hand through that haircut of his, Nina knows it’s a hard decision, but she knows what he’ll say.
“I don’t have any.”
“Liar.”
Defeat is apparent in his posture, only the possible death of his son would make Kaz Brekker lie down like this, “Do you really think you could save him? Even after the change?”
Nina raises her chin, “I’d rather know I did my damned best than give up and just let him die.”
If only Eskil were here, if only he and Ava hadn’t taken the twins and gone to visit Ava’s grandparents, if only he weren’t in Ravka, if only he could save Jordie, if only… She pushes the ‘what if’s away” there’s not time for them now.
