hookup culture has men enjoying 100% orgasms while women only manage to orgasm 7% of the time
Relevant quotes from the full study:
“Research suggests that women may set the bar for satisfactory sex quite low - specifically, the absence of pain and degradation rather than the presence of pleasure and orgasm.”
[Regarding men being more likely to engage in manual clitoral stimulation and oral sex when in a relationship, while fellatio was prevalent among hook-ups and relationships] “According to the authors, these findings suggest the orgasm gap is larger in casual sex because women are less likely to feel entitled to seek their own sexual pleasure and men are less motivated to provide their partners with pleasure…”
so what do women gain from sexual liberation and hookup culture? they get no orgasms, no emotional support and still get judged and slutshamed by society.
it seems to me that sexual liberation is a misnomer and hookup culture which is marketed to women as a way of expressing their sexual freedom and overcoming the unfair patriarchal standards women were supposed to live up to is actually a way to get women to accept less commitment and emotional investment.
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want & live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live & feel all the shades, tones & variations of mental & physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.“ - Sylvia Plath
I feel like some of those stories are private. … But I will say, when we started to rehearse this scene, which was all of us in the agency, we had taken the weekend to rework that particular scene and Bill Murray was not able to come because he had to attend some family gathering. So it was everyone else, and we just made the scene more fluid. I wish I had more to do with it but I didn’t, because I was the last one cast and I probably had the least amount of privilege in terms of creatively participating at that time. …
As we’re doing the scene, Bill starts to sort of hurl insults, and I won’t get into the specifics, but it kept going on and on. I was, like, “Wow, he seems like he’s looking straight at me.” I couldn’t believe that [the comments] could be towards me, because what do I have to do with anything majorly important at that time? I literally do the look around my shoulder thing, like, who is he talking to behind me? I say, “I’m so sorry. Are you talking to me?” And clearly he was, because then it started to become a one-on-one communication.
Some of the language was inexcusable and unacceptable, and I was not going to just sit there and take it. So, yes, I stood up for myself, and I don’t regret it. Because no matter how low on the totem pole you may be or wherever you came from, there’s no need to condescend or to put other people down. And I would not stand down, and nor should I have.
I remember years later, maybe even decades later, some crew members that I didn’t even know at the time came up to me on other sets and told me that they were there at the time and they were really grateful that I did that. I have nothing against Bill Murray at all. I’ve seen him since then at a “SNL” reunion, and he came up to me and was perfectly nice. But I’m not going to sit there and be attacked.
I don’t know if it goes back to what happened to my mom in the store. But I don’t want to be that person that is not going to speak up for myself and stand by the only thing that I have, which is my dignity and self-respect. Because in the end, we all end up in the same place as time goes on. Nobody is immortal. But in that time, no matter what happens between now and whatever career choices I make or whatever life decisions I make, I will walk away with my dignity.
I remember after that time, what came out in the press was that I was this and I was that. It was incredible to me how it was turned around and they automatically thought that the woman was the difficult one. … But I didn’t understand how it got flipped when I had nothing to do with instigating it or creating that platform of confrontation or anxiety. So even though it’s been decades, it’s something that obviously I remember very intimately and have not forgotten.
Your name is in a Destiny’s Child’s song about being an independent woman. Your off-screen life embodies that spirit. Where do you think that independence comes from?
I think I was born with it. I’ve always felt this wonderful urge to explore and be free, and I really love the idea of having that freedom creatively and as a woman, as a mom. There is something very freeing about that curiosity. And I love having people around me all the time and exploring that.
You were born and raised in Queens, N.Y. Your parents are immigrants from China. You have two older siblings. Did you always know that you wanted to be an artist — to be an actor?
When I was younger, I was intrigued by this neighbor who lived across the street who had done some commercials. I thought, “That’s what I want to do.” I didn’t know anyone in the business. I think the naiveté of not knowing anything actually helped me charge forward because I didn’t know how bad rejection could be and what kind of rejection lay ahead of me. And there was plenty of rejection — but I didn’t mind it because to me, it wasn’t personal. It was this quest to keep moving forward and keep discovering.
A lot of people said to me: “There’s nobody that’s out there. There’s not a lot of Asian presence in media, television, film. You’re going to be very limited and you’re never going to make it.” I just thought: I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what “never” means. So let’s just try. It’s just one foot in front of the other. To me, the glass is always half full. I don’t even see it being empty at all. I guess I’m an optimist.
You’re an accomplished artist, and one of the pieces you have on exhibit is a painting of your family. Paint a picture for us of your childhood home.
We grew up in attached housing … everyone’s houses are connected to each other, and you can hear everything that’s going on in everyone’s homes and how they relate to one another. We didn’t have very much money, so we grew up with whatever we grew up [with]. It’s that idea of, you get what you get and you don’t get upset. And if you do get upset, you get a mouthful of why you shouldn’t be upset.
We were left to our own imagination and curiosity to do whatever we wanted. I’m not saying it was a simpler time, but there was not the complication of technology.
There was no possibility of not attending high school and college. We didn’t discuss art and theater, and we didn’t do any of that because we had very limited funds. It was all about survival. And I think survival creates a very different environment than, let’s say, my child now has. It becomes a much more insular world in a way, and because of that your imagination can be bigger and it can puff out like a cloud, keep growing and absorbing.
When you talk about survival at that point in your life, it sounds like you’re talking about your parents’ survival. Is that something that you were very conscious of as a child?
My parents worked all the time, and that was something that we absolutely knew. I think the survival, for them to be in another country and to be not speaking their main language, was something that I learned was not necessarily welcome. I remember going to the store with my mother and she was asking someone for something very basic. I remember how condescending that person was towards her, and I was so angry and felt so unable to speak.
I [wasn’t] able to use my voice because I was a child, No. 1, and my mother — I wanted her to stand up to him. I knew that wasn’t her personality and that was not her nature. But I was angry, because it wasn’t like she was asking for anything more than some household item. I think being stifled like that also resonates as you get older and you have to break out of that pattern.
It’s great to hear some of these more personal stories from you because a lot of people out there know you only from your work. Was this a side of yourself that you felt you had to protect from public view intentionally?
I’m not a very open person regarding my life, because I feel like sometimes when you expose yourself, people then start to mix what they see and what they know about you. If you want to say, “She is a bitch from ‘Ally McBeal,’” OK, that’s fine; I did my job. If you want to think, “She can do martial arts really well from ‘Charlie’s Angels,’” or she can wield a sword or whatever you want to believe, let that be what it is. I don’t need them to know me in order to understand my work.
I think discovering a character is much more interesting than getting to know what this person likes to eat or who they like to date. … That’s a very protected side of myself. And it could be cultural, absolutely. But it’s given me a lot of length in terms of how far I want to go, because nobody really knows me on a personal level.
In your Washington Post op-ed you referred to “moving the needle” for AAPI representation with the mainstream success you were able to find. What do you feel like it took to push the needle in the way that you were able to?
Every ounce of willpower and persistence that one can have. I think when you do move the needle, or you do interact with the people and the career that you want to go towards, you are going to be the first to get cut by the thorns and the bushes. You will also therefore be standing in front of the spotlight to be criticized and to be somewhat crucified. And you have to be OK with that.
To me, the experience of doing [the] work and the people that I interact with — that’s what I take away. There’s something wonderful about it, because you’re stepping into the snow for the first time. And I’m not alone in that. There are people that have been doing that before me, and the snow keeps coming down and then the tracks keep getting covered, but you just keep going forward.
Did you know that recently you became somewhat of a feminist icon when a story about you standing up to Bill Murray on the set of “Charlie’s Angels” went viral? What do you remember about that?
I feel like some of those stories are private. … But I will say, when we started to rehearse this scene, which was all of us in the agency, we had taken the weekend to rework that particular scene and Bill Murray was not able to come because he had to attend some family gathering. So it was everyone else, and we just made the scene more fluid. I wish I had more to do with it but I didn’t, because I was the last one cast and I probably had the least amount of privilege in terms of creatively participating at that time. …
As we’re doing the scene, Bill starts to sort of hurl insults, and I won’t get into the specifics, but it kept going on and on. I was, like, “Wow, he seems like he’s looking straight at me.” I couldn’t believe that [the comments] could be towards me, because what do I have to do with anything majorly important at that time? I literally do the look around my shoulder thing, like, who is he talking to behind me? I say, “I’m so sorry. Are you talking to me?” And clearly he was, because then it started to become a one-on-one communication.
Some of the language was inexcusable and unacceptable, and I was not going to just sit there and take it. So, yes, I stood up for myself, and I don’t regret it. Because no matter how low on the totem pole you may be or wherever you came from, there’s no need to condescend or to put other people down. And I would not stand down, and nor should I have.
I remember years later, maybe even decades later, some crew members that I didn’t even know at the time came up to me on other sets and told me that they were there at the time and they were really grateful that I did that. I have nothing against Bill Murray at all. I’ve seen him since then at a “SNL” reunion, and he came up to me and was perfectly nice. But I’m not going to sit there and be attacked.
I don’t know if it goes back to what happened to my mom in the store. But I don’t want to be that person that is not going to speak up for myself and stand by the only thing that I have, which is my dignity and self-respect. Because in the end, we all end up in the same place as time goes on. Nobody is immortal. But in that time, no matter what happens between now and whatever career choices I make or whatever life decisions I make, I will walk away with my dignity.
I remember after that time, what came out in the press was that I was this and I was that. It was incredible to me how it was turned around and they automatically thought that the woman was the difficult one. … But I didn’t understand how it got flipped when I had nothing to do with instigating it or creating that platform of confrontation or anxiety. So even though it’s been decades, it’s something that obviously I remember very intimately and have not forgotten.
At this stage in your life, after accomplishing so much as an actor, director, an artist, what do you want your legacy to be?
I think my legacy is to stand behind my choices, regardless of whether they do well in the box office or not. It’s about always striving to better myself as an artist and to be open to trying new things, whether they succeed or fail, and not to be afraid of that. I think that fear starts to impact your choices and it also starts to make your world smaller and tighter. I think we all feel that — you can’t really breathe when that happens, your lung capacity shrinks and your brain capacity shrinks. If you get too immersed in what people want from you, you start to lose your way and you start doing things for other people instead of yourself. It’s already hard enough to figure out on a personal level what you want for yourself.
I make choices because I’m willing to go there and willing to fall on my face, and I think that’s important. If you don’t risk, you don’t gain. And gaining should be for yourself. It’s like a slow climb. And I do think slow and steady wins the race.
Announcing Jew in the City’s 2014 Orthodox Jewish All Stars!!
“In 2012, when we created this award, we focused on shattering people’s misconceptions about Orthodox Jews and what they could accomplish professionally. Last year, when Chanukah historically intersected with Thanksgiving, we celebrated the religious freedoms that exist in the world today which allow people of all faiths to excel in a variety of career paths,” said Allison Josephs, Jew in the City founder and director.
“This year, our message is our most crucial one yet: With anti-Semitic attacks on the rise across the globe, we are celebrating ten individuals who proudly observe Jewish traditions as they’ve soared to the tops of their fields.”
Doing research for a thing everyone reblog or reply and tell me what you would do with your time if you didn’t have to work. Like if you suddenly got enough passive income to live a comfortable middle class life and you didn’t have to do a single thing to get it, what would you do all day?
If you think your answer is embaraseing anon it to me.
Looking for a fun, exciting read this summer? Something is Moving is a kingdom adventure book for teen/young adult readers. It is available in ebook and print on Amazon and also for FREE on Kindle Unlimited.
Summary:
People say the Arthur is haunted. That the ghosts of those who entered it and never came out still dwell within the mysterious forest.
For twelve-year-old Hari, who has grown up among peasants and thieves, the Arthur is her safe haven…her home. She and the rest of her village reside in the forest in secret, living a simple life free of the king’s tyranny and the cruelties of the outside world. Then comes the day when their peace is shattered by a stranger who is on a violent rampage, murdering innocent people and burning the villages to the ground. Forced to flee her wooded sanctuary, Hari believes no place can ever be safe again.
Bitter, hurting, and frightened of what each new day holds, she embarks on a journey to save her people and learn more about her broken past. But the darkness is spreading, and if Hari cannot learn to fight it, not even the truth about her family may save her from the darkness growing inside her.
Reader reviews:
“This book was a great read! I finished it in one day, I couldn’t put it down! The characters are endearing, captivating, and real. The author is not afraid to run them through the wringer, but still brings hope and healing to them all. I truly loved the family these characters created and the world that was described so vividly. I honestly felt transported as I read each chapter.” - Micaela
“I did not see the many twists and turns that happened throughout the entire book. It read so well, I could picture everything happening in detail. I felt connected to the characters from the start…” - Allison
“Something Is Moving had me on the edge of my seat the whole time and its twists and turns caught me by surprise. Hari is such a beautifully written character and I was able to relate to her so much. I enjoyed the suspense of it and I couldn’t stop reading.” - Amie
“The amazing character development and vivid descriptions transported me into the story. I fell in love with Hari and her adventurous spirit, love for life and desire for the truth.” - Gail
I have nothing. I’m so tired of having nothing. and it hurts so much. even when I try to do what’s in my power to give my life meaning, it falls flat.
there are three things in life that will fulfill me, I just need one, at least enough to make my soul not a purely empty void, none of them are anywhere near being attainable.
1) someone who loves me HAHAHA this will never happen, so I might as well skip this. no one ever, has apparently found me worthy enough of loving. oh well, maybe i’m incapable of love anyway. i just will forever feel empty without it. everyone makes it look so easy, and I wish I could fall in love like normal people do. (that’s the demi/ace/probably grayaro lyfe i guess)
2) have a comic this sounds like something so in my power right? apparently not. just not good enough. trying hard doesn’t matter. i drew so many comics as a kid. it was really always part of who i am. my comics were bad rip-offs of things that I like. not uncommon way to start out right lol. but i can’t write a good enough story to even get to the grueling drawing part. I want to drawing a comic so bad. i have stories. I have so many stories (lol that’s because you use maladaptive daydreaming as a disassociation mechanism ever since you were a kid) but they’re self-indulgent, for me, if that makes sense. not stories to share. plus i want to draw a story with meaning and touch people. but my comic ideas, i have bits of plot but i’m not really a writer. i don’t yet a theme or ending, etc. and i want to work on something short ideally first to get my feet wet, and i just think of these epic-ly long things. collaboration is seeming impossible. And I’m already 30. i feel like i haven;t accomplished anything. nothing art wise. my illustration, nobody cares about. sell next to nothing in my store, for years. will never get to work on a children’s book or the like. and comics is entirely separate (let’s not even get into the problem of have two completely different art styles and how burdensome that is) the days are ticking, and i’ll never leave my mark on the world.
3) have a dog yet again sounds fairly simple right?? Not if you work an hour away from home and are out of the house for almost 11hours a day and guess what, you have no SO to help you take care of it so the dog’s not alone all day and you’re literally just one depressed person with a somewhat finite amount of energy and definitely a limit of free time you can’t control because you gotta have a stable job and pay those $800/month student loans and a mortgage!! but even if you suck it up and pay $300-400/month for a dog walker, since it’s conceivably the ONLY way you’ll ever logistically be able to have a dog (that dog’s gotta pee sometime!!), there;s a million other hurdles like your INSANE cat and apparently every dog you’ve ever wanted online and met in person somehow slips away from you!! It’s have happened countless times. I have been trying to adopt a dog for over a year, on and off, because I keep failing and it’s literally so emotionally taxing. there’s this perfect dog rn i want but i can’t even wait a week. i know she’ll be gone by the time i could even get to her. every time i just want to permanently give up. i’m so tired. it’s impossible for me to voice how much a dog companion means to me. but couple that with an actually rational fear of biting off more than I can chew in caring for a dog as a single human being and being completely overwhelmed and regretful and shamed that i can’t man up and do more.
(tw: attack, blood, trauma)
OH and speaking of biting off. two weeks ago, my cat violently attacked me. i’ve had her for two years and she always had small bouts of redirected aggression. a year ago, LOL during fourth of july fireworks, she started violently attacking her tail endlessly. it was traumatizing. since then she’s been on medication and doing pretty good. but summer is a trap. too much stimuli. so past 10pm, I was leaving my room, I opened the door, I couldn’t see because I’m so blind and wasn’t wearing glasses, she was right there, and she lunged at me, she was screaming, i was screaming, and while trying to restrain herself, she not only scratched and bit up all over my arms, she literally chewed the nail and tip of my left index finger off. i had to go to the ER. in the middle of the night. and pay $300. a great time.
A pet, supposed to be a joy in your life, is nothing but stress. after a relapse like this, i don’t know if i will ever feel 100% comfortable around her again. i will always have to be at least a bit conscious of any warning signs. but i literally have no idea what triggered her. and i literally just opened my door, how could i look for warning signs!? how do i know it will never happen again? I already thought it wouldn’t happen after being good and medicated. how am i supposed to feel like i can leave her alone with another animal ever? can I ever get another pet? for the next 10-15 years?? am i stuck with nothing but a psycho cat forever? what did I do to deserve this unlucky fate? a compromised person dealt an even more compromising hand? why me…?
I am healing, but my finger is real janked up. i’m afraid i’ll never get proper nerve feeling back— in my dominant hand. i need it. i need it to draw. i can’t draw right now. i can’t lose my hand…it’s literally everything that I am. or at least, everything that’s left, that i could be. it should heal fine… i am just very tired.
i just want something. something to come home to. i have nothing. no friends even. nothing but my insane cat. before two weeks ago, i thought that could be enough for now. but now i can’t even feel good about that. and every time i see everyone with their perfect pets, their perfect lovers, perfect relationships, perfect vacations, perfect experiences, i’m just so tired and so sad. even if it’s not perfect, they at least have it. have it in some form. because i have nothing. nothing but a tumblr void to scream at. sorry y’all. everything hurts all the time, i just want to feel loved and meaningful, and that sure is proving that that is never going to happen.
“A compact, vesicular or slaggy metamorphic rock of any composition containing more than 20% vol. of glass, either produced by contact metamorphism in volcanic to subvolcanic settings or generated by combustion metamorphism.
An uncommon metamorphic rock type composed mostly of glass, formed by the melting of a sedimentary rock or soil by extreme heat from an adjacent lava flow or scoria eruption, or the burning of an underground coal bed. Buchite is a product of a special type of metamorphism, called pyrometamorphism (contact type, high to very high temperature, low pressure, often connected with coal fires). Buchites are often confused with obsidian, which is a volcanic glass rather than metamorphic glass. The so-called para-obsidian is a buchite with small amounts of mullite and tridymite forming microlites. Rarely, buchites can be colorful and transparent, and faceted as gemstones, as for example a few blue-green gems from the Eifel hills in Germany.
The original description of buchite was for partly fused, glassy sandstones associated with basalts (in Germany). Now the term also covers more pelitic rocks. The first described buchite contained relic, cracked quartz with tridymite overgrowths and inclusions, feathery or needle-like clinopyroxene, magnetite, cordierite crystals, tiny crystals of a spinel, small voids, pores interfilled with goethite and brown glass.
Basically what this means for this rock, is that there was a scoria eruption (a volcanic eruption with lots of air bubbles in the magma) that came into contact with some sandstone. The intense heat of the magma was able to melt some of the sand, which then rapidly cooled and became glass. You can even still see the darker bands beneath the glassy layer, displaying this xenolith’s sedimentary origins!
This is my first time playing with the “Read More” function in order to provide some more information or an explanation, so please let me know if you read it and/or it is something you’d like to see more of in the future!
And this, below, is what a Read More would look like.
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