my mom once told me i was a ski jumper in a past life because she dreamed about a ski jumper dying in a terrible accident when she was pregnant with me, and said it was definitely true cause the ski jumper in her dream was also blonde. i never had the heart to tell her this is absolutely not something catholics can believe.
I was born an identical twin shortly after 911, my mum is CONVINCED me and my sister are the twin towers reincarnate
HUH
That’s how catholics are, the paganism is always right under the surface, when the priest doesn’t hear. It’s like when I was a child it was a big thing which Saint you have to pray to for what specific thing (such as a safe journey, safety while swimming etc.) and there was a specific prayer for each one. That’s just literally having multiple deities like the Romans bestie
TROPE: “I suddenly died and just when I thought that everything has ended, I was reborn as the Princess of an empire! With my new overprotective family, will I be able to be happy in this life?”
TROPE: “When I woke up, I’m in the body of a side character from a novel! I’m only an extra, so why am I getting the attention of the main characters?!”
TROPE: “I entered the world of a novel and became the main character’s stepmother?! From now on, no matter what happens, I will make sure to love and protect my adorable child!”
Wanted to try out this comic thing for a while now, finally got to it. Also it’s been a long while since I’ve done something for Merlin fandom so… There’re things that I think I could’ve done better, there’re things that could’ve been changed completely but for the first-time experiment I think that’ll do, eh~
still have to figure out the light/dark balance tho
Soon there will be proof that our doctors have been giving death to all life, that so-called soldiers have been destroying the earth and instead of protecting her, and that the intellectual caged-birds have been devouring worms laced with truth and feeding the world shit instead.
Genre: (Inaccurate) Historical AU || Strangers to lovers AU || Supernatural AU || Implied smut || Fluff || Angst
Summary: Picking which road to go down is easy when you think about how alone you would be without Jungkook, even if he hadn’t been the most honest with you from the start.
Word count: 9k
Tags/ warnings: angst, fluffy-ish, minor mention of blood, self deprecation, more lying, soft yandere kook, mentions of murder/ killing, definitely probably an unhealthy relationship, too much talking about dates it’s slightly confusing me thinks that is all
Notes: after a two month hiatus i have returned to my favorite child, i don’t really have an excuse except i’m ass at multitasking and shouldn’t have started a second series basically right after starting this one, so i recommend maybe going back and re-reading the last chapter like i had to unless you have sexy good memory
“Of course I’m mad Jungkook” you look at him in disbelief, “What if they had been thorough in their search? What if they found out you were the one who killed that man? Are you stupid?”
Jungkook swallows thickly, bottom lip jutting out into a pout as you berate him. He was more upset that you seemed genuinely angry with him that the possible consequences of getting caught because he couldn’t keep his anger in line. It wasn’t his fault the seedy old man had touched you without consent, what was he meant to do? Let the man go? That would go against all his morals and values.
“I told you it wasn’t me” he gently grabs your hands, his thumbs running over your palms. He looks down, eyebrows furrowing as a sad pout moulds onto his face, surely you couldn’t be angry at him when he looked so upset!
You look at him with a deadpan look, pulling your hands from his own. Because even if Jeon Jungkook looked like a kicked puppy, you weren’t about to forget the crime he had committed. And you would make it clear that if you were carry on knowing each other then he wasn’t allowed to go around killing men or women. Or anyone for that matter whatever they identified as. No killing.
By some miracle you’d made it out of the village without any other issues; you’d been so scared when you’d been stopped at the gate, convinced your life was truly over when it had hardly even begun. Turns out the men couldn’t care less about the murder, forced into the job last minute by the head of the village because no one had volunteered, simply asking the three of you to step away from the wagon so they could take a look for anything suspicious.
It seemed the man who had harassed you hadn’t been liked by many, the chief of the village only going ahead with protocol to appease his higher up in the capital so he himself wouldn’t be arrested.
They hadn’t even looked into any bags, their eyes skimming over what you were carrying, mindless hums passing through their lips as they prodded a bag or two, giving the three of you a curt nod and wishing you luck on your travels.
You’d thanked them, not missing the way their eyes had lingered at your chest as you climbed back into the back of the wagon; and it took all your will power not to kick them where the sun doesn’t shine. Namjoon seemed to share your anxiety, the way his shoulders had stayed tense until you were far enough from the village a clear sign, he had shared your sentiment. Only relaxing slightly once far enough to be considered safe.
You didn’t blame him. Felt a little sorry if anything.
It wasn’t every day that you have to travel with two complete strangers. One a four-armed demon who had arguably (definitely had) twisted morals, who was stubborn beyond belief sometimes and a foreigner who may still be wanted dead by the royal family because they believed you were a spy. (Something you will soon find out is a law that was demolished 6 years ago along with the fact there was a new king)
“Now you must think I’m stupid” you shake your head, “what other demon would have been in that small village?”
“Probably a lot” Jungkook argues, “I’m not the only demon and you know that”
You release a heavy sigh, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of your nose, “No killing people, okay? It’s not right”
“I would never” Jungkook says, lie easily slipping through his cushiony lips. Anything to appease you.
You make eye contact with him, searching for something behind his onyx eyes, only to find nothing. He didn’t seem to be lying, Jungkook had no reason to lie to you. Maybe it was a little naïve of you to believe that Jungkook could do no wrong; maybe you were biased because he’d only ever shown you kindness. He treated you as an equal, not some house maid that had to cook and clean all day, nothing more than a tool for him to boss around to feed into some fucked up superiority complex. You’d liked to believe Jungkook was as honest with you as you are with him, and it felt easy to read him, like he wore his heart on his sleeve and if he were to ever lie, you’d know.
“Okay, I believe you” you whisper, heartrate picking up as he smiles down at you so brightly. How could someone so kind kill a man? Sure, he threatened Namjoon here and there but you saw where your demon friend was coming from, the world was a shitty place and not everyone can be trusted.
Namjoon clearing his throat catches your attention, “We’re almost at the capital” he informs.
You look up at the sky, full moon hanging high above the three of you, illuminating the path for Namjoon as he meanders down the dirt road towards the large gates of the capital.
You peek over the walls of the wagon, lips quirking into an excited smile as you catch the faint silhouette of a few high-rise buildings. It was hard to see in the silver glow of the moonlight, but you imagine it looked exactly how Taehyung had described it in his notebook. Tomorrow you’d have to take a look over his notes again and plan out how you’d spend the next three days here with Jungkook.
You turn your head to look at said demon as he snakes his arm over your shoulders, his eyes trained on the path ahead, his own smile quirking onto his lips.
“If it looks this beautiful in the moonlight it must be ethereal during the day” you tell him, smile widening when he turns his head to look at you.
Your eyes close briefly when he leans forwards, a gentle kiss being pressed between your eyebrows.
“Yes, but nothing will ever match your beauty” he murmurs against your skin, your eyebrows furrowing at the ticklish feeling.
You let out an unattractive scoff, pushing his arm from your shoulder as you sit back down, view of the capital being obscured by the walls of the wagon. Jungkook sits back too, a knowing smile on his face as he starts packing up both of your things into his backpack.
He just adored how shy you could be something, and he didn’t mind playing your little games if it meant he could see the strawberry pink flush of your cheeks, illuminated by the silver moonlight.
Jungkook wishes he could engrave this moment into his mind. You always had looked like a fairy in the cool glow beneath the moon, so undeniably beautiful he wanted to keep you all to himself. No one in this world deserving enough to see you looking so delicate, no one but himself. He find it hard to keep his hands to himself, wanting to caress your soft skin, kiss every inch of your body until you understand its beauty, maybe leave a love bite or two so you’ll remember him even when not together. He wonders if you’d trace the sensitive skin, pressing on it just to feel the dull ache, or if you would leave them out in the open for anyone else to see; a sign that you’re taken.
The rest of the night went by in a blur, entering the capital was easier than you had initially assumed it to be, you believe because it was so late into the night the guards were laxer than they would be during the day. It didn’t seem to be common for visitors to arrive so late, the three of you the only ones waiting for the gate to be opened, what lay beyond the walls silent, everyone having gone to bed or closed their shops until sunrise.
A guard had recognised Namjoon, more than happy to hurry up the process of getting you into a decent inn so you wouldn’t have to camp out in the wagon until morning; understanding your backs must ache and eye weary from a long day of travel.
The woman at the front of the inn was more than happy to house the three of you for the next few days, a beautiful smile on her face as she handed Namjoon and Jungkook a key. She’d then turned to you, assuring you that you were more than welcome to come and sit in the bar area downstairs and embroider with her during the day, she was having trouble with a project and would be extremely happy if you were to help out at some point.
You’d eagerly nodded, smile so wide your cheeks had started to hurt. No one had ever wanted you to help them with their embroidery before!
She reminded you of the mother you’d never had, something so soft and warm about her that you couldn’t help but say yes to everything she was saying. You’d have to sit with her at breakfast and ask her what the capital was really like, and maybe she could even look through Taehyung’s diary with you and make a plan to make the most of your three days in the capital.
“Good night” you wave to Namjoon as he unlocks the door to his own room adjacent from yours and Jungkook’s.
Namjoon waves back, dimpled smile making a brief appearance before he scuttles back into his room, door being locked from the inside.
Jungkook pulls out a pair of pyjamas for you to wear, throwing them onto the bed as you flop onto the mattress.
“Get changed before you sleep, pretty” he reminds you, smiling when you reply, muffled by your head being stuffed into the layers of silky blankets on the bed. Though he assumes it must be something along the lines of ‘can’t be bothered’ to ‘in a minute, kook’
He rummages through his bag, trying to find his own sleep clothes (he liked to pretend to sleep beside you even if his body didn’t need it like yours did, something so blissfully domestic about laying beside you, your calm breath a beautiful symphony in the dead of night), however his focus is trained on you. The slow raise and fall of your body as you just lay there, unmoving, exhausted.
He tuts, abandoning his task as he pushes himself up from the floor, sauntering over towards you with purpose in his steps.
You let out a surprised squeak when his first pair of arms snakes around your waist, easily lifting you to sit up.
“Come on” he encourages, one of his arms stretching to grab your discarded clothes, placing them in your lap.
“But ‘m sleepy kookie” you whine, falling back onto the mattress with a dramatic sigh.
Jungkook, amused, lifts you up again, this time by pulling you up from under your arms, like one would a baby. And maybe you were his baby, the most precious little thing in his life. Truthfully, he doesn’t mind moment like this, adores them actually. Each time you rely on him, he can prove to you that he is good enough to provide for you, and he can only hope that with small moments like these you were slowly falling in love with him. He knows you’d never love him as much as he loved you, that was impossible! No one could love anything as much as he absolutely worships your very being, but he believes one day you’ll love him. He believes you already do, why else would you have stuck around for so long? He just knows you’re a little shy and being the considerate person that he is, he’ll wait a little longer before he tells you his master plan. Surely you’d be thrilled.
The perfect plan to keep the two of you together for the rest of time. Even thinking about it makes his cheeks burn, dusted a light pink, like the sunsets that you like to watch each evening while he reads you passages of his favourite books, maybe even feeding you a slice of fruit between pages just to make sure you’re not hungry before bed.
You don’t complain as he easily slips your shirt from your head, sighing in bliss as he kisses your bare shoulders before helping you put one of your sleep shirts on. He does the same with your pants, placing a feather light kiss to your ankle as he helps you change. Fingers skimming your pretty skin, he has to stop himself more than once from running his tongue along the expanse of it, wanting to relish the feeling of you in as many ways possible.
Once done, he leaves you to flop back on the bed, reminding him of a sleepy floppy bunny, as he lifts a few of the blankets, before lifting you to tuck you into bed; something had seemed to be a routine at this point. He wouldn’t be able to count on his four hands the number of times he’d been able to tuck you into his bed, safe from the world, if only for a night.
“Thank you” you whisper, voice laced with sleep.
Jungkook brushes your hair from your face, deftly tucking it behind your ears.
“Anything for you” he whispers back, a fond smile on his face.
He waits until you’re asleep, carefully slipping from the bed, trying his best not to wake you because he knew you were a light sleeper. Rummaging through his bag he bites his lip as he pulls a map from one of the pockets. Trying his best to stay silent, as unrolls the paper, humming to himself as he scans the map, finger tracing the library he needed to visit. He wondered if books were more expensive in the capital, Taehyung would usually collect the ones he wanted, and it was easier to give his friend a few coins each month and whatever was left, Taehyung could keep. Jungkook never had much care for money anyways.
He nods in thought, turning towards the bag once more, praying to the devil down below that he had enough for the specific book he wanted, no… needed.
He rummages around until he finds the small pouch of money. Opening the drawer strings, he cringes at how much the two of you had left. Saving had started to get harder over the last few years. After the new king had risen to power and demons had become public enemy number one, the villagers hadn’t been as generous with putting their coins into shrines.
And Jungkook was now facing the consequences.
His whole life he had relied on the money humans would leave at his shrine, it was easy to live off, even after you’d started living with himself and Taehyung, the donations were generous enough he never had to worry about money for food, clothes or books, but looking now, money was starting to become an issue.
He wouldn’t tell you this of course. He couldn’t have you worrying, he couldn’t let your pretty little head come up with a stupid idea (like leaving him), just because the two of you had to be a little frugal with your money until he figured out a way to earn a decent living once again.
Maybe he could sell Taehyung’s art, it wouldn’t sell for a lot, Taehyung was by no means a well-respected painter, that is why he had struggled for years before he’d met Jungkook. But that didn’t mean his art was worthless, they would have to at least sell for a couple of pennies a piece.
Jungkook thinks you wouldn’t be happy if he were to sell Taehyung’s art. You adored it, having spent hours a day letting Taehyung teach you the basics of painting, and after finally getting a glimpse at his art, you’d stay hauled up in Taehyung’s room, connecting with him through his artwork even if he wasn’t physically with you anymore. You’d be crushed if any of the pieces were to disappear.
Maybe he could take a few of the smaller pieces? The ones you wouldn’t notice went missing, he just needed a way to earn a few extra coins. The last thing he needed was for you to starve. Or even worse, you to leave him because he can’t provide for the two of you. And if you were to find out, he could jut out his bottom lip, maybe even shed a tear or two until you forgave him, he’s sure you’d understand his struggle if he cried a little.
+++
Namjoon was suspicious.
He’d been thinking for a few days, ever since he’d spoken to you at the beach about the village in-front of the mountains and how you’d met Jungkook. It all seemed… off. Nothing was falling into place. Odd pieces of the puzzle that didn’t connect, or worse, that one puzzle piece that goes missing, impossible to find and so the picture will remain incomplete. Forever.
He had considered asking you a few more things about Jungkook but decided against it. Not only was Jungkook constantly glued to your side, the few times he strayed away from the two of you, he seemed to be lurking close by enough to be able to listen to your conversations. So, asking you was out of the question. For now.
And from what he had seen, you probably weren’t the best person to ask about the demon.
Sure, you lived with him, probably knew a lot more than you were letting on but either the demon was threatening you to not say anything, or you genuinely didn’t know all that much. Both seemed just as likely. Namjoon had been on the receiving end of Jungkook’s threats more than a few times during this trip and knew how scary he could be, but Jungkook was also extremely secretive. Like how he clearly didn’t want you know about what happened in the village 6 years ago.
Namjoon was also suspicious of the fact that you seemed to have forgotten a lot of what happened in your life over the last few months. By no means was he a doctor, he’d given up on that dream long ago, but nothing made sense. You seemed so confused, genuinely asking him for help, and no matter how hard he tried to think of ways your memories had disappeared, the conclusion always led back to Jungkook. Suspicious Jungkook who definitely had a few too many secrets.
And so, Namjoon had the bright idea to follow the demon to wherever he may be going instead of interrogating you back at the inn while you had breakfast with the nice front desk lady.
It wasn’t all that surprising when Jungkook walks into a library, the demon always had a book in his hands. And with how much he read, Namjoon wasn’t all that surprised he needed a new book so soon into the trip.
What alarmed Namjoon was the location of the library, hidden in the dark crevices of an alley way on the outskirts of the capital. A place you’d have to have known prior to the trip happening, either having visited this location before, or someone who knew of it telling him before the trip had begun. It was in too much of an obscure place to be any old library.
Namjoon waits for Jungkook to enter the building, his foot tapping against the cobblestone path for what felt like a minute before he decides that he should just go in.
It looked like any other library, shelves stacked up to the ceiling, books organised by category, clearly labelled with large wooden signs, hung on the end of each shelf. The young boy behind the front desk hadn’t bothered to look up at from his own book as Namjoon wanders inside. (If he had, Namjoon would have seen the third eye the boy had)
It’s fairly easy to spot Jungkook even among the tall bookshelves with his broad back and slightly suspicious looking navy cloak, Namjoon tries his best to stay a fair amount of distance between the two of them. He wondered how good Jungkook’s senses must be as a demon and the last thing he wanted right now was to get caught. That would be the end of him, and he promised his mother he would be home within a week.
The village boy slips to hide behind a nearby shelf once Jungkook stands down one of the isles, fingers lightly skimming over the spines of a few books. He peeks up at the wooden sign, checking what sort of book Jungkook could be looking for.
His eyebrows furrow. ‘Conversion theory’
In all his times spent at libraries he’d never seen that genre of book. And Namjoon, although his friends back at the village make fun of him, quite likes to read. He had taught himself how to, never having had gone and learnt from a scholar, but he liked to live the lives of other through the pages.
He himself was trapped in his mundane life on the farm, nothing more going for him. But he could adventure the globe through a book, learn the history of his land, picture what life beyond the vast sea must be like, and so much more, just from paper and ink.
He takes a look at another shelf, gulping when he reads the sign.
‘Demonic entities’
Namjoon has to slap a hand over his mouth as he looks around, finally taking a look at the library properly; completely forgetting he was here to see what Jungkook could be trying to find.
Mixed among the humans were other beings, just like Jungkook.
+++
You watch Jungkook shove an unfamiliar book into the backpack, “You bought a new book?” you ask absentmindedly, more focused on brushing the knots out of your wet hair. You felt like a brand-new person, freshly washed, smelling a little less like dried blood and sweat after the incident from the day before.
You’d washed your hands at the previous inn, but the stench of blood had lingered, even then you don’t know if that was your mind playing tricks on you. The wound still fresh as you think back on the good times with your pretty kitty.
You wondered if you were okay, feeling so numb to the fact that another companion of yours had died. That was the third one in under two years. You thought you would have cried more, wanting to lock yourself away from everyone else a wallow in self-pity until your head hurts and your skin is dry from the salty tears. But you felt the opposite, wanting to finally go out and explore. Maybe you were a shitty person for moving on so fast, but maybe it was for the better. Or maybe that was a smaller part of you trying to convince yourself it was all okay when in reality it really wasn’t.
You could only hope that your cat would have a better life when reborn. That would be enough to let you sleep peacefully at night.
Jungkook hums, “Something about the history of this land”
You nod, never having been fond of history. It felt a little a little unconventional, why would you focus so much on what has already happened when you have the whole future to look forward to?
“I was thinking we could go out for lunch; I saw a nice place on my walk this morning” Jungkook turns towards you, happy with how far down he’d been able to stuff his book into the bag.
He doubted you’d ever rummage through his stuff, seeming more content with him riffling through the bag to get clean clothes or a snack. But better to safe than sorry. Especially since it was becoming evident you could read now; he would hate for his plans to be ruined because he was kind enough to share his knowledge with you.
“Sure” you reply, handing him the hairbrush to be put back neatly into the bag.
Jungkook was right, the small building the two of you had entered was more than nice. It even had two floors! (The owner explaining it had been inspired by building from the countries overseas who had places to eat with more than the ground floor like the hanoks) The outside was lined with small flowers, vines clinging to the walls, climbing their way up to the balconies above the ground floor.
You don’t ask when Jungkook requests the private balcony area on the second floor, assuming it was so the two of you could eat comfortably without worrying someone would try and hand you into the royal family or freaking out because Jungkook had four arms.
You watch the bustling streets, watching some kids play a game you weren’t familiar with, a few stealing loose fruits from crates, giggling as a few elderly people chase after them.
You wonder if that is what a real childhood looked like. All the children in the capital seemed so happy, happy with their parents and siblings, happy with their lives. The perfect life you could only ever have dreamt of becoming a reality.
You wouldn’t say you were jealous. If you hadn’t left the home you’d grown up in, your life would have been completely different. Your friend would still be alive, maybe you would have married by now. His father wouldn’t have approved, but you supposed you could have run away together. If you’d run away would the outcome, be the same? Would he have died because he had married a spy? You suppose he wouldn’t have been safe either way.
Regret is a fickle thing. There have been so many moments in your recent life where you wish you could just go back and change what has happened. You wouldn’t care if the future was different, that is something the you of then would have figure out. Because the you of now wanted to go back and change all the times something had led to the death of someone you loved so dearly.
You would convince your friend to stay home, he wouldn’t have died a brutal death. You would tell Taehyung he shouldn’t go down to the village, you’d go alone because if you could survive the disease once you could do it again and then he would still be by your side. You’d have taken lil meow down with you to breakfast the other morning, that way you’d still have your furry companion.
You regret not knowing, which in hindsight sounds stupid because how were you meant to know all of these bad bad things would happen? And it was easy to feel sorry for yourself, and the small, selfish part of you thinks that you feeling sorry for yourself if justified. Because why were you still alive and they weren’t?
Maybe you regret being born, you didn’t really have much say in the matter, but maybe it would have been better if you hadn’t tried so hard all your life to stay alive. Fighting tooth and nail to survive in a world that clearly didn’t want or need you.
If you hadn’t been born you wouldn’t be a bad omen to those around you, and everyone you’ve ever loved wouldn’t be dead. Jungkook may have been a special case, born blessed as a being that is unable to die. And maybe that’s why you stayed, because no matter how unlucky you may be, Jungkook would never fall into the hands of death because of you.
If you hadn’t been selfish, childish, then the poor cat would still be alive. Roaming the mountains free of burden. If you hadn’t been selfish and wanted to spend just a few more moments with your friend you’re your childhood, he wouldn’t have suffered an unjustified death. If you hadn’t agreed to stay in the hanbok, then maybe Taehyung could have waited out the winter with what food you’d eaten, and neither of you would have contracted a disease. He would still be alive and happy, carefree as he carries on the same routine he had for years without you coming and interrupting his peaceful life with his friend.
“Y/n?” Jungkook calls you, tugging at the sleeves of your cloak to catch your attention.
Your eyes flit up to meet his own.
“Are you okay?”
You hum, waving him off with a quick smile. It was easy to smile while looking at Jungkook’s face. Maybe it was because you didn’t want him to worry, so a smile was easy, or maybe Jungkook just had that affect. Such a nice face that you have no other choice but to smile too brightly at him. Or maybe you smile because you don’t want him to ask too many questions that you yourself don’t know the answer to.
He watches you for a moment longer, trying to gauge if you were lying or not. But then he sees your eyes light up at the array of food laid out on the table before the two of you.
“You bought so much” you mutter in awe.
“Well, aren’t you going to eat?” he asks, nudging a pair of chopsticks into your hands.
You nod slowly, “I’m trying to engrave what it looks like into my mind”
Jungkook laughs, a fond smile on his face as he just watches you, “No need, we’ll just come back in a few months and eat here again” he tells you, easy smile on his face.
“Okay” you grin.
Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow when you push yourself from the cushion on the floor, feet light as you skip your way over to his side of the table.
You lean down, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you for the food, Jungkookie” you smile.
Jungkook feels his heart stop, his fingers moving on their own as they wrap around your wrist.
Your head tilts in question, your breath hitching when he pulls on your wrist, so you’ve leant down once again.
You bite your lip to stop the big smile that threatened to pull onto your face when he presses a kiss onto the apple of your right cheek.
“You’re welcome, my lovely” he replies, motioning for you to go and sit down, “Now hurry and eat before the food gets cold”
“Yes sir” you mock salute, giggling when Jungkook rolls his eyes, tone teasing as he tells you to hurry up and sit down.
+++
You grip onto the sleeve of Jungkook’s cloak when a large group of people move in a clump down the narrow street.
You look up at Jungkook in confusion, ready to ask if he knew why so many people were moving in tandem, but your mouth clamps shut when you see the annoyed crease in his brows.
“Burn the demons!” a burly looking man shouts, the posse of people following him repeating his words with just as much enthusiasm.
Jungkook pulls you back into his chest when a new wave of civilians shove their way down the street, although their movements lack the mesmerising movements like the sea’s waves crashing against the shore, more shoulders bumping shoulders, the delicate crash of the waves replaced with grunts as they all bounce off one another.
“What’s going on?” you ask, voice raising in hopes that Jungkook would be able to hear you.
Either he does, or choses to ignore you as his fingers take a hold of your hand, dragging you into a narrow alley way beside the building the two of you had just had lunch in. You try and pull your hand from Jungkook’s fingers feeling as though they were going to snap with how tightly he was holding your hand.
“Jungkook what’s going on?” you ask, voice a little breathy as you try and catch up with Jungkook’s long strides.
The demon slows down a little, apologetic furrow of his brows as he watches you try and catch your breath, “They must be protesting” he mutters, and you simply nod.
“Against demons?” you ask, watching Jungkook release a long sigh.
“I should have told you” he turns towards you, “Not all demons are kind, my love. Some do bad things, and so they get punished” he explains, hoping the worry evident in his tone is enough to convince you of this white lie. It was technically half the truth, but you didn’t need to know the full problem, you losing your memories of what happened the night years back had already helped him move forwards in his plan.
As long as you believed it was the same year, where you were a wanted spy, and he was a harmless demon that was worshiped by all then everything would be okay. His plan would continue to run smoothly and then he could hold you in his arms without worrying about trivial human matters like death.
“Was there a bad demon here then?” you ask, worried you’d get caught in-between the conflict.
Jungkook nods, hand coming to rest on his chin as if in thought, “It seems so, we should head back to the inn for the rest of the day, just in case”
“That’s probably a good idea” you agree.
Jungkook takes a step before stopping. You make a noise in the back of your throat in question, watching as he releases your hand, turning to face you as he rummages through the pockets of his cloak.
Your head tilts up to look into his eyes when he pulls what looks to be a small pocketknife from the confines of his cloak.
“What?” you ask when he thrusts it in your direction.
“Just in case something happens and I’m not there, you’ll be able to protect yourself” he leans down to take a hold of your right hand, placing the pocketknife into your palm.
Your left hand traces the intricate design of the handle, wood having been carved out into small delicate flowers, painted with so much care there were no smudges or random pieces of colour bleeding into one another. It truly was pretty, like nothing you’d ever seen before.
“Jungkook I—I can’t” you shake your head, not daring to sheath the actual blade.
“You know I’ll always be by your side to protect you, but just in case” he pushes your hand away when you try to give it back, “Please, I’ll be able to rest easy knowing that if anything were to happen to me, you’d at least be able to put up a fight”
You swallow, eyes flitting back down to the pocketknife before you look back at Jungkook. Even with the warm afternoon sun being obscured by the roofs of buildings, in the dingy alleyway that was nothing more than grey cobblestone, greened with moss and small weeds, Jungkook looked so pretty. He looked so calm, unlike how he had been moment ago in the street. You sometimes wonder if he had lied about being a demon, he looked nothing like the scary beings that old wives’ tales made them out to be. Maybe he truly fell from the sky, an angel sent to help guide you in life.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he scoffs, finger pushing at your forehead.
You sigh, “I was imagining what I could do with this thing” you dangle the offending weapon between your thumb and forefinger
Jungkook laughs at that, “You can’t kill a demon with a measly knife” he waves you off, easily slipping his fingers between your own as he pulls you out the alleyway.
“Then how am I meant to defend myself”
“That’s what I’m here for”
“But you just—”
Jungkook presses a finger against your lips, “I’ll always be there for you, but it never hurts to have a back-up plan”
+++
You’d been thinking for a few days about the conversation you’d had with Namjoon about the part of your life that you felt, had gone missing. Maybe you were paranoid, or just plain stupid. Or maybe you imagined the incident that happened in the village. Or you were overthinking everything. All seemed like possible answers but no matter how hard you try to remember, you can only ever think back to the moments before the rocks had been thrown at you, enamoured by how intricately made the wooden bunny was.
And then blank. You couldn’t recall anything after that. Like it never happened. Seeming swallowed into a blackhole, making no sign of ever returning.
You faintly remember a dream, but after the first day of waking up it had been pushed to the furthest corner of your mind, Taehyung’s death taking up most of your thoughts. And whenever you try and think back to it now, you can only seem to remember how fresh the air had felt, and the soft scratching of golden grass on the backs of your hands as you wandered into the horizon. The sky a bright blue that otherwise hurt your eyes, a dull pain in the back of your head that would return when you would think too hard about what may have happened in your dream.
Nothing adds up.
It had been winter the day you’d gone down to the village with Taehyung, you were sure of that, you remembered how soft the scarf was Taehyung had gifted you, a gift for your first winter spent with himself and Jungkook. And if what Jungkook had said was correct; that you’d been passed out for only a few weeks, then there was no way it should have been that far into the spring once you’d woken up. Flowers in full bloom, sun not shying behind the clouds throughout the day.
But why would Jungkook lie?
Your fingers gently brush over your cheek, contemplating whether it was possible for such a deep gash to heal in such a short amount of time, with no evidence left behind. No scar, no tender tissue or discoloration. You’d woken up like nothing had happened. Maybe that was common? But as a child such a deep wound would take months to fully heal.
He wouldn’t lie, would he?
You fall onto your back, mattress cushioning your fall. Your head turns towards the door of the inn room, Jungkook’s large backpack coming into view.
Maybe he kept a diary like Taehyung did?
Jungkook had gone out for a walk that morning, whispering to you while you battled between staying asleep or finally waking up, sun peeking in through the windows, encouraging you to peel your eyes open. You’d hummed and waved him off when he asked if you wanted to join him. And that was less than an hour ago.
He did say he would be gone for a few hours… that would leave you with more than enough time to quickly snoop through his bag and see if he was hiding anything.
You felt a little bad because you knew that looking through people’s stuff was wrong. Really wrong. And you think Jungkook would be disappointed if he ever found out you’d gone and peeped into the bag while he was gone. But, if you wanted to figure out the anomalies in your life, Jungkook may be the perfect place to start.
You don’t know what you would do if you ever found out he was actually lying to you, and that’s why you pause when your fingers make contact with the bag.
Whatwould you do?
Maybe it’s better you never know.
Or maybe Jungkook had done nothing wrong, and you were being paranoid. What if he found out you’d gone through his stuff, and kicked you out of his home? Left you stranded, leaving you to fend for yourself. You both knew that was impossible, your best bet would be to hide in the forests, no one usually ventured into the woodland. Although, you doubted you’d be able to survive of wild berries alone, the thought of having to kill an animal making you feel squeamish.
Then what? You’re back to square one where you die alone, unwanted by another person?
You swallow.
But what if he never found out?
What if he never found out and you got the answers you were looking for? It would be easy to put everything back in the backpack the way you’d taken it out, and it’s not like he would notice miniscule changes in the packing.
You look at the door, waiting to see if he would walk in. When he doesn’t, you turn back to the backpack, fingers deftly pulling the strings open.
You carefully remove the layer of folded clothes, placing them neatly beside you. Soap, hairbrush, sack of apples, more clothes, a map. (What you fail to notice is his ‘history’ book wasn’t in the confines of his bag, because who would need a book on history when you plan to buy supplies?)
Your shoulders slump forwards when you find nothing. No notebooks, no pieces of paper with anything written on them, nothing. You even look into the pockets, nothing.
With a defeated sigh, you start to pile everything back into the bag, only praying that you were putting them all back in the correct order and hadn’t messed up.
You tie the top of the bag, pushing yourself up off of the floor.
Deciding you’d take a break in your investigation, breakfast sounded really good right around now. So, you skip downstairs with Taehyung’s notebook secured under your arm.
“Morning!” the inn owner calls out to you, smiling as you plop yourself down at one of the bar stools.
“Good morning, do you have some ink and a quill?” you ask, thanking the woman when she tells you she’ll be right back.
Your legs swing back and forth as you wait, peering around the room.
“Do you know where Namjoon is?” you ask when she places the ink in-front of you.
“Said he was going to check on the horses, he already ate so I imagine he wouldn’t be back until lunch time” she replies.
You nod, opening a new page in Taehyung’s notebook.
You flip back one page, checking the latest date, making sure you had the year correct.
Taehyung’s latest entry had been November 1859, written the day before the two of you planned to visit the village. You didn’t read too much of what was written, respecting that it was Taehyung’s private thoughts, although from what you caught a glimpse of, it spoke of the things you both needed to buy in the village.
You supposed if it was already spring then it must be 1860, which further confuses you. Deciding to brush off the suffocating feeling that consumed your body, your tongue pokes out as you figure out exactly what you want to write.
“1860? That was a while ago wasn’t it… I hadn’t even opened the inn yet. Do you plan to write a novel?” the inn owner asks you.
You look at her with wide eyes, “A while ago?” you ask, confusion heavy in your voice.
She nods, “Yes, I heard novels of recent history are popular these days, with the new king rising to power”
“What year is it now?”
“This year it would be 1865”
“Right now? It’s 1865?”
She nods, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you start to flick through the pages of Taehyung’s diary.
“Are you okay dear?” she asks.
Your head shoots up to look into her eyes, “Yes!” you slam the notebook shut, “I’ll be back in a minute”
“But my—your breakfast!”
“I’ll come back for it” you call out to her as you sprint up the stairs, lungs squeezing for air as you push open the door to yours and Jungkook’s room.
You fall onto the bed, careful as you pull open Taehyung’s notebook once more.
When you said you had never lied to Jungkook, that was a lie in itself. You learning how to read and write so well was meant to be a surprise. You wanted to show Jungkook how quickly you’d progressed in both skills, how you’d practiced with Taehyung while doing chores, and sometimes you’d dream of studying certain characters that you found difficult.
You did plan to surprise him when you got back to the hanok, maybe by asking if you could read to him before bed, not the other way round.
You flick to Taehyung’s most recent entry once more.
[November 1859;
Tomorrow me and y/n]
Your eyes zero on your own name. That was definitely your name.
If you’d been with them in 1859, how was it currently 1865?
You knew you hadn’t had the best gauge of how much time you’d spent with them but basing it off the seasons it shouldn’t have been more than a year. It definitely hadn’t been a year since Taehyung died. If you’d woken up weeks after the incident, then Taehyung shouldn’t have been dead for more than a month.
Taehyung wouldn’t have written the date wring so many times, would he?
From the few times you’d been in his room it seemed he kept more than one notebook. When you’d first met him and asked what he would write down every other day or so, he had told you about his habit of writing. How he liked to document special moments in his life so he could go back and read about his past in years to come.
How likely was it that he had gotten the years wrong all this time?
Taehyung was quite a meticulous person, not the type of person to guess a date and go with it. He was particular about small details like that.
You chew on the nail of your thumb, but why would Jungkook lie?
Say it hadn’t been weeks, and it had actually been years.
How were you alive? Without food or water surely, you would have died. If it had been 6 years, then how come you hadn’t aged at all?
That would explain how the wounds you had gotten from the village boys would have fully healed, but nothing else made sense.
You slam Taehyung’s notebook shut when the room door opens. Your heartrate speeding up as Jungkook saunters into the room. You look at him with wide eyes, swallowing thickly as he roves his eyes over your body.
You see his eyes slightly narrow, as if trying to gauge what you were doing before he came into the room.
“What were you going?” he finally asks, eyes trained on the notebook tightly clasped by your fingers, his own tightening on the woven bag in his hands.
You stay silent for a moment, mind racing a mile a minute as you try to find a decent lie. Something believable enough that he wouldn’t ask any more questions, because your heart felt seconds away from beating right through your chest with how hard it was pounding against your ribcage.
“Jungkookie?” you eventually say, tone a little sweeter than usual.
He looks up at your face, head cocking to the side in question.
“I have a request”
“Only if you answer my question” he prods, clearly unsatisfied with turn of conversation.
“It is about that actually” you look down at your lap, fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt, “I was looking through Tae’s list, and he says the royal palace is really beautiful”
Jungkook is silent for a moment, and you keep your eyes trained in your lap, scared that if you were to look into his eyes, you would spill everything you had discovered within the last hour.
“Is that all?” he eventually asks, easy smile on his face; because you were just too adorable. Of course he would take you sight-seeing if that’s what you really wanted, nothing to be embarrassed about.
You nod, breathing a sigh of relief when he agrees.
“Let me just put this stuff away” he says, “Then we can leave”
You watch him pull the book he had purchased the day prior from a woven bag, your eyes narrowing when there is nothing written on the cover of it.
“Jungkook?” you ask, he hums, not turning towards you as he tries to shove it further inside the bag, “Is that history book interesting? I think I want to try reading harder books now, not just children’s poems.”
Jungkook pauses, eyes meeting yours briefly before he turns to the backpack once more.
“I don’t think you’d like this one, love. The vocabulary is hard, even for me” he explains.
You hum in understanding, deciding it was best not to prod any further.
“Ready to go?” Jungkook stands up, hand stretching out to help pull you up from the bed.
“Yeah, I still have to eat breakfast before we go”
Jungkook sniggers at that, nudging your shoulder as he tells you how breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that it was closer to lunch time now than it was breakfast.
You shrug, explaining that even breakfast can be eaten at lunch sometimes.
+++
How well did you truly know Jeon Jungkook? Why had it taken you so long to ask this question?
You knew it was because he was the closest person you would get in this life that would always be a constant. He liked you, he couldn’t die, so why would he leave you? Just like yourself he had no one else in this world. And maybe you were cowardice, projecting your own insecurities and fears onto him, but it was true was it not?
Loneliness was simultaneously the best and worst thing that could happen to a human. It was a valid fear, as humans were social creatures that overall worked better as a team than in solitude. Two pairs of hands are always going to be better than one and being able to confide in another person should be second nature, because no one should have to deal with their pain alone when they had so many that cared for them.
Loneliness however can force you to learn to love your own company. If there is no one else around, you can only rely on yourself. And at the end of the day, you are the only constant in your life. Forced to fend for yourself, live for you, and you only.
But that scared you, what was living if it wasn’t for other people? Forced to marinate in your own thoughts, figure out your own feelings and live just because you want to or feel obligated to because you were given life so maybe you should live it out for a while.
Unless you’re Jeon Jungkook. He never seemed alone.
You believed that you would stay with him for a long time, because he had nowhere else to go just like yourself. And wherever he went, you think you would follow, because you were scared of being alone. Scared of the solitude that some found comfort in.
But why would you blindly follow him? Because he was kind enough to house you? Feed you? Put a roof over your head and help you develop skills that otherwise you would have no resources to do so? Even if he had been lying to you, deceiving you even.
If Jeon Jungkook was a colour, he would be grey. Muted, his character unimposing until you peel back the layers upon layers that he shields his being with only to find black. Onyx. A dark plain that can only be described as Jeon Jungkook, the ghost of a hand pulling you into his warm embrace until you settle down and thin sticky vines trap you beside him with no escape, remaining by his side for the rest of his eternal life.
Even with a small crack in what is Jeon Jungkook, a lie exposed to you, you chose not to say anything.
Why?
Because he’s familiar, and you’re scared of being alone.
Why would you willingly fall headfirst into a spiral of solitude when you could remain by his side, acting oblivious as he plays you like a puppet. Chipping away at your very being until you’re too warn down, leaning on him for support like he had planned from the start. He’s never hurt you, his caress gentle, and words sweeter than fresh honey or sugar cane. Blindly guiding you further into his abyss, steps away from the point of no return.
But you’re okay with that. Willingly holding onto him like he holds onto you, like the two of you are the only two left in the world, needing nothing more than each other to survive.
Now you find yourself at a crossroad. Why walk down the path of loneliness when you could walk down the path towards Jungkook, who happily waits for you at the end of the road with his arms wide open? It seemed obvious which path you would choose. And maybe you were spineless, allowing someone you barely knew to swing you around like a doll on some strings instead of facing your fears.
Maybe Jungkook was scared of being alone too. You’d never considered living an eternal life, simply living day to day hoping you’ll wake up tomorrow. But you worry how lonely he would feel if you were to ever leave him, a twinge of empathy flaring up at just the thought of it. Left to live alone for the rest of time. If you could live together, without the fear of desolation… walking the ways of life hand in hand with no one but each other.
And that’s why as you shut the book stuffed away inside the lower depth of Jungkook’s bag, you say nothing. Washing away what you had read from your mind, smiling happily when the demon re-enters the room, freshly washed, looking like the epitome of ethereal as he flops onto the bed, beckoning you to come over with a kiss to your cheeks, his own flushed the prettiest shade of dusty rosy, pink.
