The letters page ‘In The Chapters’ by Ann Parks, page 21, gives some context - it appears that a previous issue had asked a question to which Mx was one of the suggested answers:
There has been some response to the question of what to call men and women (other than Mr. and Mrs./Ms.). Ex–husbands are WASbands, of course. Pat Kite (Single-Again Scrapbook, April SINGLE PARENT) felt that both sexes should be designated MX. But Dalynn Hoeflin (Solano County, CA 92) feels that males should be
But the actual first use in print is on Page 16 in an article called ‘Single-Again Scrapbook’ by Pat Kite. This appears to be a short story, possibly part of a serial, involving a flirtatious encounter at a party:
“THE WORST PROBLEM facing the single woman today is having to decide whether she is Miss., Mrs., or Ms.,” said the Blue-Eyed Man as he sat sipping his rosé.
“Ooohh, really?” I gasped, swallowing my frito whole.
“I’m glad you agree,” nodded the Man, taking the matches from my hand to light my cigarette. “Now, where I work we make it a point to call every female ‘Ms.’ It took me quite a while, but I made it. Now everybody’s happy.”
“Where do you work?” I asked.
“The welfare bureau.”
“Do you mean if you get a widow who was married forty-eight years in your office, and you address her as Ms., she likesit?”
“Why not?” said the Man.
“Frankly the term Mizzzz reminds me of the servant section of a pre Civil War Southern plantation,” I commented, drawing out the words through clenched teeth.
“Oh, that was in the past” smiled the happy Man. “Now Ms. for everyone connotes individuality. What tile do you go by?”
“Mrs.” I replied with a shrug.
“Why Mrs.?”
“Because I have four children and I like them to look legitimate, that’s why. Anyhow, if Mrs. and Miss are to be shortened to Ms., then I think Mister and Master should be changed to Muster … abbreviated Mu. On second thought, maybe both sexes should be called Mx. That would solve the gender problem entirely.”
“Are you a women’s libber or something?” said the horrified Man. "Then how come you didn’t get mad when I lit your cigarette?“
“Because it was a gesture of courtesy,” I answered, “and I don’t think good manners ever go out of style. Besides, I love having doors opened for me, and my heavy packages carried.”
“Oh, then you’re not a libber!” said the Man with a sigh of relief.
“It all depends on how you look at it,” I replied. "For instance, if you’ll give me my matches back, I’ll be able to light your cigarettes. We could take turns.“
"You wouldn’t. . . .!”
“Why not?” I said with a tiny smirk.
“You know, the biggest problem women have today is whether to be Miss, Mrs., or Ms.,” said the Man, as he took the matches from his pocket and lit my Bel-air.
“Not quite, kind Sir,” I commented, trying to change the topic to the artistic merits of Alice Cooper.
"Yes really, Ma'am,“ laughed the Man as he got up to dance.
And we mixed our whimsey with our wine until well past midnight.”
anon asked: what’s the difference between 먹다 and 드시겠습니다. You say they both mean eat but i am confused? Help!
@femaletype asked: next do (으)시 vs -세요 vs -ㅂ/습니다 Bc honorific vs deferential is the bane of my existence
First, I will give a list of honorific verbs and nouns, then explain the honorific ending! It’s important to note an “elevation” of formality; who is being elevated! In this case, there are three types:
verbs that elevate* the subject
verbs that elevate the object
verbs that elevate the recipient of the action (usually used with the honorific particle 께)
*elevate = who are talking about in an honorific way?
높임말 동사; Honorific Verbs
(2) 만나다 / 보다; 뵙다 [to see, to meet]
(1) 먹다; 드시다 / 식사하다 / 잡수시다 [to eat]
(1) 마시다; 드시다 [to drink]
(3) 주다;드리다 [to give]
(1) 있다; 계시다 [to stay]
(1) 죽다; 들어가시다 [to die]
(1) 아프다; 편찮으시다 [to be hurt/in pain]
(1) 말하다; 말씁하시다 [to speak]
(1) 자다; 주무시다 [to sleep]
(3) 묻다; 여쭈다 [to ask]
(1) 배고프다; 시장하시다 [to be hungry]
(2) 데리다; 모시다 [to accompany]^
^ the plain form 데리다 is more commonly used as a compound verb with 오다 or 가다, but that can be it’s own separate post if people are interested.
높임말 명사; Honorific Nouns
이름; 성함 [name]
나이; 연세 [age]
집; 댁 [house]
생일; 생신 [birthday]
밥; 진지 / 식사 [food, meal]
병; 병환 [disease, illness]
술; 약주 [alcohol]
아이; 자제분 [child]
이; 치아 [tooth]
말; 말씀 [word]
It’s important to note, that outside of these specific verbs, you can realistically elevate anyverb in Korean using (으)시.
-(으)시 vs. (스)ㅂ니다; Deferential Honorific
At this point, you should be familiar with plain style conjugation patterns (-어/아요). The deferential style is the infamous -(스)ㅂ니다 that gives the statements their formal ending. Of course, as we know, -(스)ㅂ니다 is more formal than -어/아요. If at any point, you are unsure as to which formality to use, always use the deferential style.
Honorifics can attach to both the deferential and polite styles, but are used in different contexts illustrated below:
[polite]집에 가요 - I’m going home
[deferential]집에 갑니다 - I go home
[polite + (으)시] 집에 가세요 - Go home, (hon. subject)
[deferential + (으)시] 집에 가십니다 - (hon. subject) goes home
Remember, you cannot, ever, at any point, ever, use (으)시 for yourself.
-(으)세요
When (으)시 is attached to the polite style conjugation, there are two usages; (1) to show respect, (2) to create an imperative.
The use of -(으)시 elevates the subject, object, or any recipient of the action who is older, in a higher position, or placed above you in respect. Of course, you will hear some Koreans complain about this politeness hierarchy, however, that is not an excuse to speak in an intimate way to a doctor, professor, or an elder–this is not about being close, this is about being respectful.
The biggest difference between the deferential -(스)ㅂ니다 and the honorific -(으)시 is that one acknowledges the elevation of the subject/object/recipient of action [-(으)시] while the other acknowledges the formality of the environment around them [-(스)ㅂ니다].
When talking to someone closer to your age (seemingly), you are able to use [polite + (으)시] to express politeness without being overtly formal. This is why, in restaurants, you will use phrases like:
순두부찌개 하나 좀* 주세요 - please give me tofu stew
물 좀 주세요 - please give me water
아아 한잔 좀 주세요 - please give me an iced americano
*좀 softens the request
Where the server will use an honorific term:
[드시다] 뭐 드시겠습니까? - what will you eat/drink?
[드리다] 영수증을 드릴까요? - do you want me to give you a receipt?
Note that the -까 creates an interrogative phrase.
All that said…
You can add (으)시 to any verb in order to create it’s honorific counterpart. This goes for literally any verb. If you are truly lost and cannot remember how to use the honorific form of 먹다 then you can use some form of 먹으시다. Examples:
[to answer/reply] 대답하다 + (으)시 = 대답하시다
[to sing] 노래부르다 + (으)시 = 노래부르시다
[to listen] 듣다 + (으)시 = 들으시다
Hope this helps! Honorifics are honestly difficult. So difficult, that even switching formality without honorifics is still considered rude (from intimate to plain to deferential). You’ll hear people say it’s okay to not use the proper formality because you’re a foreigner, but I think that’s a lazy solution to learning. If you want to learn properly, do it properly.
Example Sentences:
무슨 책을 읽으세요? - what book are you reading?
한국 분이세요? - are you Korean?
한국어를 가르칠 사람은 김 선생님이세요 - Mx. Kim will teach Korean
엄마가 전화하셨어요 - My mom called
부모님께서 은행에 가셨어요 - My parents went to the bank
That being said, it’s okay to mess up formalities so long as you catch the mistake and correct yourself. The listener (older Korean or friend) will greatly appreciate the self-assessment.
If there’s still some confusion, let me know!! Happy Learning :)
Okay, Gen Z, younger millennials, please tell me, are you aware of what the title Ms. means? And how to pronounce it?
Because I just listened to several young 20-somethings pronounce it Miss and talk about how it means you’re not married. And…I’m feeling weird about it, considering that’s the title I use.
(It means my marital status is none of your business. I use it because I’m married but I kept my maiden name so I’m not Mrs. anyone.)
These comments really are fascinating and it seems especially people whose first language isn’t English aren’t sure about this, which is fair. But as I suspected some young folks aren’t clear either?
It seems like Ms. has been conflated with Miss and Miss has fallen out of favor, which is fair, but the meanings have been confused.
So here:
Ms.has some antique origins similar to Mrs. and Miss (all short for Mistress) but was revived in the 20th century (mostly in the 60s and 70s) by feminists as an all-purpose female title.
The problem with Miss and Mrs. is that they are tied specifically to marital status. (Miss is SPECIFICALLY an unmarried woman and Mrs. is a woman who is married or has been married. Yes, even older women can be Miss and a widow is still Mrs. (of course if they so choose).
While Mr. isn’t tied to marital status for men, of course. So Ms. is the female equivalent to Mr., intended to be used both as a default term when you don’t know someone’s marital status and ALSO as a term of choice when you don’t wish to be defined by your relationship to a man.
This was very much a political thing, part of second-wave feminism (which of course has it’s flaws). (Ms. magazine was a feminist women’s magazine which popularized the term.)
It’s pronounced something like Miz or Mzz.
So for me, I’ve used Ms. basically since I got out of college anytime I’m asked for a title. First because I didn’t want my marital status to be a thing of concern in professional settings. And when I was living with my now-husband but we weren’t married. And then after we were married and I kept my own last name because IMO neither of the other options was relevant.
(The keeping your own name thing is a different discussion probably, but I did it partly out of desire to stay the same “person” and partly out of apathy. Also my husband’s last name isn’t even the same as his parents (because remarriage) so there was no pressure there to change it and he gave no fucks about it. In fact, he’s almost seriously thought about changing his name to mine because he likes my family better, lol.)
But anyway, I feel like it’s important to keep the intention of Ms. alive because it’s so very useful and needed to have an equal partner to Mr. And more useful than ever with so many situations where you may be married/committed but not using your partner’s name (ie. gay married, poly relationships, not legally married for reasons of disability, idk whatever).
But Ms. does NOT mean unmarried. It means someone could be of ANY marital status: never married, currently married, divorced, widowed, etc. It means “it’s not your business because you don’t ask a man his marital status the first second you meet him so buzz off.”
I’m having to pull an all-nighter for work because I’m doing a training all week, but someone still insisted that it was very important for me to do something for them, so that sucks.
On the other hand, I just had a very lovely evening with The Violinist where he came to my apartment (instead of me having to drive). When he first arrived, we talked about our days and he did some rope with me. Throughout the evening, I tried to be good about responding with his chosen honorific-type address, his name. Of course, I failed to do it consistently enough, and each time, he’d smack me hard on the sternum. I like to think I improved after the corrections. I know that I definitely felt more natural saying, “Yes, [The Violinist]” and “I’m glad, [The Violinist],” and such as the evening progressed. After he put on a chest harness that made taking deep breaths very difficult, he started hurting me, eliciting gasps and whimpers and yelps that made him grin.
Turned on by my suffering and the d/s-y use of his name, the obvious next step was for him to fuck me hard. He pushed in, clearly loving it, and told me, “I missed my cunt.” Then, when he flipped me over to fuck me from behind, he told me, “I missed your cunt.” I responded in kind, that I’d missed his cock. I loved hearing both of those things from him. It makes a girl feel good to know that her cunt is satisfying enough to miss. And it makes me happy to have someone say that it belongs to him, not to mention the second meaning of cunt that tells me he missed me. (Which he also said outright in a super adorable way, “I missed you. Like, way more than I thought I would.”)
He thrust deep, hurting me even more (better) in that position. He went hard and fast, and I pushed back into him, his cock slamming into me. He sped up, his breathing changed, and then he came, sliding in and out of me several more times as he did. He pulled out and we cuddled as he basked in his post-orgasm glow.
When he came out of it, we kept playing. He teased me and grabbed me and drew out some lovely pain noises as we kissed and touched each other. Eventually, he pushed my legs up and started slapping the backs of my thighs rapidly and hard. I gritted my teeth and groaned from the sting. When he stopped, he smiled at me and said, “What’s a warm up?” in a laughing tone of voice. I smiled back and said, “That is a warm up.” The way his eyes lit up almost made me regret saying that.
He repeated the treatment, and when he paused, I dropped my legs and rolled over onto my stomach, whimpering. He asked, “What?” and I pouted and said, “That hurt.” He laughed a little and replied, “I know. That’s why I did it.” Then he knelt on my shoulders, holding me firmly in place. I began to wince in anticipation, gasping when he moved. When he resumed smacking my thighs, I gripped the sheet and cried out. I was relieved when he started punching instead. He started pretty light, but as he got more comfortable with the position and my ability to take what he was doling out, he hit harder, alternating between the two legs.
Of course, he’d intersperse this delightful thuddy pain with more smacking, which made me thrash. To no avail, of course, since he was on top of me, keeping me where he wanted me. When he finally stopped, I turned over, laying on my back and looking at him. I said I’d enjoyed it, and he said, “Well, at least the punching.” I did like the punching more, but told him that I liked the slapping as well, since “I like bruises and slapping breaks things” (clearly coherent after that bit of impact play). I also said I liked the fact that he was on top of me, since it made it easier to take the pain. He lifted my legs to admire his handiwork and, after seeing that the right was more red than the left, asked me, “Should they be even?”
I cringed, not answering at first, but knowing full well that I would throw myself under the bus. I hemmed and hawed for a moment until he made me answer. I looked down and said in a small voice, “Yes, they should be even.” He was pleased, and lifted my leg back up. Instead of slapping it, he punched it, not starting soft this time. He punched repeatedly, hard enough that I could tell I wouldn’t be able to take it for very long, even though I like and can handle thuddy better. He was beating the shit out of me now, and clearly super into it. I teared up a bit from the pain and feeling bad about wanting to make him stop. I resisted safewording for a little, but as I turned onto my side and he held my leg in place, the pain and (totally unnecessary) guilty feelings about wanting to put an end to the impact made me start actually crying. I managed to whimper out, “Red, red!”
Without hesitation, The Violinist stopped immediately and lay behind me, holding me as I cried. I apologized for safewording, to which he responded, “No.” I know it’s not something to feel bad about or apologize for, but I did. I communicated that to him and told him that I was okay, I just needed it to stop. He was entirely understanding and reassured me repeatedly that it was fine and good for me to tap out when I need to. That’s obviously the response I should expect, but it’s nice to have it happen.
We cuddled, kissed, and played a little, and then he asked me if getting off would help me get work done. I said, “Whatever you want, [The Violinist],” and he told me to give him a real answer. “Well, it couldn’t hurt?” I responded. He laughed and told me I could masturbate. I caught the wording and asked if I could come.
“Ask again later,” came the obvious response. I lay back and pulled out my bullet, pressing it to my clit. The Violinist sat next to me and watched, slapping and punching my inner thigh occasionally, which both turned me on and distracted me. I settled into a groove and he got on top of me, pressing me into the bed, his thigh between my legs. I moaned and started fantasizing hard. My orgasm snuck up on me, and I almost forgot to ask permission. Almost.
I opened my eyes and asked, “May I please cum?” He responded, “Ask again later.” I tried again, with what I thought was a good enough correction, “May I please cum, [The Violinist]?” but he repeated his previous response. My eyes widened and I worried my orgasm would be ruined. I said, “May I please cum, [The Violinist]? [The Violinist], may I please cum? Please, [The Violinist], may I cum?].” It was some of the most genuine begging I’ve ever engaged in. I was frantic and heartfelt and incredibly desperate. [The Violinist] finally granted me permission and I got back into it. I started to cum and he wrapped his hand around my neck, squeezing. I felt it in my head as my orgasm continued, and rode that lovely combination of sensations as long as I possibly could.
When I opened my eyes, [The Violinist] was looking at me. He looked pleased and said, “Your face when I told you to ask again…” he trailed off, closed his eyes, and made a pleased noise, like he was savoring the memory. Hearing him say that was a big turn on. I really enjoy how much pleasure he took from my reaction to him playing games with my head. Sadists are fun.
What a lovely evening. The fucking and the beating were quite satisfying, and I’m even optimistic that I’ll get bruises out of it. I’m so glad he came over. It was something that both of us needed, even outside of the fact that it was incredibly fun. It was a lovely preward (pre-reward?) for staying up all night doing work.
Yesterday I saw The Violinist. I went over to his place with the invitation to come over and “talk about things.” I correctly interpreted that as a desire to DTR, which I wanted to do, as well. When I got there, I stripped, per his rules for me, and we lay in bed for a while. Before we could talk, however, we needed to do a few things. He’d been out of town for a couple weeks, so we had to give each other a proper hello.
He hit me, bit me, scratched me and hurt me. I yelped, whimpered, squeaked, and made other delightful pain noises. He’s totally a sadist, which makes me eager to suffer for his pleasure. When he pushed his cock into me, the pain didn’t stop. He continued to hurt me as he fucked me hard. He pushed his fingers hard into my armpits, and the uncomfortable and painful sensation eventually caused me to struggle away. I took a few breaths and turned over onto my knees, which is a position I know he enjoys. He fucked me from behind until he came, slamming into my cunt and making me wince.
He collapsed onto my back, and I collapsed onto the bed. When we recovered enough to cuddle, I asked him if I could get off. He agreed, and I rubbed my clit and fantasized while he hurt and choked me. I came, shuddering and gasping, and lay back, spent. He instructed me that the next time, I was to ask permission right before I got off, and I smiled at the addition of another rule. We showered and headed back to bed to cuddle.
We talked about what our relationship is and what words we’re comfortable using (we’re dating and “partners” works). We made plans to spend more time together outside of kink events and happy hours and talked about what kind of kink relationship we want to develop. Both of us love d/s, and I’m excited to see where that dynamic goes. I asked about honorifics, and he had an interesting response. He likes having his name used. I was somewhat put out at first (I really like the term “Sir”), but when he explained his reasoning, I got into the idea. It’s something you can use in any context and around any people. Besides that, using someone’s name lets them know that you are thinking specifically about them. We also talked about jealousy and discussed how very important we both consider communication to be.
I left his place feeling de-stressed, happy, and ready for bed. Today I had to wear a high necked shirt and put makeup on my neck because he left a bite mark there. I also can’t take off my sweatshirt at work because he darkened the bruises that were there already and left me new scratch marks. DTRing can be fun!
I wore this little number when Reaction Junkie went out Saturday night. There were also boots over the rainbow pegasus socks.
When Reaction Junkie wants me to do something, he doesn’t always frame it as an order. Sometimes he’ll say something like, “Would you please get me a glass of water?” or “When we get home, could you star the laundry?” I often find myself being more obedient when things are phrased as orders instead of requests, so I’d prefer he give me orders.
Reaction Junkie doesn’t need to be polite or ask me to do things. When I’ve pointed this out to him in the past, he’s told me that because he owns me, is dominant over me, I should interpret any instruction, no matter how polite it may appear, as an order. He added that if he wants to extend social niceties to me, he can do that. He may decide to be polite to keep up appearances around those who don’t understand that he owns me.
And, of course, he’s right. I need to learn to interpret his polite requests as the orders they are. However, I think that, as I sometimes forget my place, Reaction Junkie sometimes forgets his place. He’s my owner, and I’ve submitted to him, yes, but we’re also in a loving relationship where we are each as important and deserving of respect as the other. That can make it easy to forget the underlying truth of our dynamic.
I’m going to work hard to take even the most polite requests as orders. At the same time, I’m going to start responding to all of those instructions, from the request phrased as a question to the barked order, with “Yes, sir” or “No, sir,” and I’m going to start referring to him with honorifics (sir, dear, or other ones we’ve discussed) more frequently, especially when we’re focusing on our dynamic and when I’m feeling disobedient or moody.
Using honorifics more often, and always when obeying an order, will remind both Reaction Junkie and I of our respective places.
I was pretty good last night while I was cleaning for my owner. I didn’t do the best job with not making eye contact, but considering the fact that we haven’t really done that before, I think I did pretty well.
Although I didn’t get into as much of a subspace as I would have liked, but I do think it was a good start to rekindling that aspect of our relationship. In the future, we’ll have to do more time periods where I’m not allowed to look him in the eyes without permission, and I’m going to start calling him “sir” more often.
I’m also going to ask him if I can kneel more for him. I think being in this classically submissive position really helps me find that headspace I crave. Kneeling takes my whole being and places it below him, a total reminder of what my place is. It’s a subservient position that brings to mind people kneeling before their rulers and their gods. My owner is my ruler and, insomuch as he has all power over me and decides my fate, he is also my god.
n.b.: if you don’t know the difference between 尊敬語 (sonkeigo) and 謙譲語 (kenjougo), or much about 敬語 (keigo) in general, i recommend a quick google search or glancing over an article like this one! also, i won’t be glossing any kanji, bc i’m lazy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
みなさん、お久しぶりですね！ today i’m going to guide you guys through the verb forms for japanese 敬語. 敬語 can be pretty tricky, but the rules for forming 敬語 verbs (like many rules in japanese) are actually quite consistent.
there are three 尊敬語 (honorific) forms i’m going to go over today: the Vください form, the Vになります form, and the “simple 尊敬語” form. i’ll also give a brief list of verbs that have specific forms in 尊敬語. after that, i’ll go over one 謙譲語 (humble) form, the Vします form, and then a list of 謙譲語-specific verb forms. さて、行きましょう！
尊敬語：お・ごVください
this form is used to say “please” to a superior, but it doesn’t use the 〜て form like in 丁寧語. here’s how to form it with ichidan, godan, and する verbs.
ichidan/godan verbs: おVますください
かける → かけます → ソファにおかけください
入る → 入ります → どうぞお入りください
する verbs: ごNするください
注意する → 閉まるドアにご注意ください
尊敬語：おVになります
this form is used as a more formal replacement for the usual Vます form, but shouldn’t be used with する verbs* OR verbs that have special forms in 敬語 (see below).
ichidan/godan verbs: おVますになります
書く → 書きます → この教科書は鈴木先生がお書きになりました
帰る → 帰ります → 何時にお帰りになりましたか
する verbs: ❌*
❌ ご説明になりました*
⭕️ ご説明なさいました・説明されました (see below)
*according to the textbook i’m using (see sources), these are incorrect. however, i have seen some postsonline that say ごNになります is an acceptable form, so it’s not impossible you’ll see it in the wild (perhaps the times they are a-changing?).
尊敬語：簡単尊敬語 (aka the “active passive”)
have you ever seen a japanese verb in the passive and said to yourself, “actually that makes no sense at all”? it was probably one of these “simple 尊敬語” forms! they are used like the active voice but written like the passive, so you have to tell the difference from context. also, they are NOT used with ください.
ichidan verbs: Vないられます
食べる → 食べない → 刺身を食べられますか
godan verbs: Vないれます
読む → 読まない → 今朝の新聞を読まれましたか
する verbs: Nするされます
紹介する → 先生が新しい学生を紹介されました
ください form: ❌
❌英語で話されてください
⭕️ 英語でお話しください
this form is not quite as formal as おVになります, and it comes across as a little more friendly or “気軽,” so be careful when you use it. it might be more appropriate to use with strangers, for example, than with your boss.
尊敬語： verbs with special forms
some verbs are actually completely different in 敬語, for reasons probably more complicated than i care to find out (lol). here is a list of some common ones for 尊敬語!
行きます・来ます・います → いらっしゃいます・おいでになります
言います → おっしゃいます
見ます → ご覧になります
飲みます・食べます → 召し上がります
知っています → ご存知です
します → なさいます
くれます → くださいます
寝ます → お休みになります
着ます → お召しになります
住んでいます → お住まいです
死にました → お亡くなりになりました
です → でいらっしゃいます
謙譲語：お・ごVします
when speaking about your own actions to a superior, you can use this 謙譲語 form to be more humble and formal than you would be using Vます. this form isn’t used with verbs with special 謙譲語 forms.
ichidan/godan verbs: おVますします
届ける → 届けます → この書類をお届けします
持つ → 持ちます → 社長の荷物をお持ちします
する verbs: ごNします
説明する → 先生に新しいパソコンの使い方をご説明します
a quick note about this form: generally when using 謙譲語, it is common to omit 私が at the beginning of sentences/phrases, since you are already referring to yourself by using humble language anyway.
謙譲語： verbs with special forms
just like with 尊敬語, 謙譲語 has verbs whose forms change entirely. here are some of the most common ones!
行きます・来ます → 参ります・伺います
います → おります
言います → 申します (in 自己紹介)・申し上げます
見ます → 拝見します
飲みます・食べます → いただきます
知っています → 存じております (thing)・存じ上げております (person)
思います → 存じます
します → いたします
あげます → 差し上げます
もらいます → いただきます
会います → お会いします・お目にかかります
聞きます → お聞きします・伺います
あります → ございます
です → でございます
sources
the examples in this post are mostly taken from the textbook 新にほんご敬語トレーニング, which i have started working with recently! expect more 敬語-related posts in the future :D
敬語 (けいご・keigo) is respectful speech in Japanese. 敬語 is based in the social hierarchy that has carried over into modern Japanese society from ancient times. There are three forms of 敬語 - teineigo,sonkeigo, and kenjougo.
丁寧語 (ていねいご・teineigo) is polite Japanese. This is the simplest form of 敬語, using regular grammar and with a structure similar to casual speech. Thus, this is the form of 敬語 first taught to Japanese language learners. This means using the です and ～ます forms rather than the dictionary forms.
です comes after nouns, adjectives, and adverbs at the end of a sentence.
ます is added to the stem of verbs.
Casual vs. Polite
ます系 ます form
Casual → Polite
する → します to do
行く (いく) → 行きます (いきます) to go
言う (いう) → 言います (いいます) to say
です系 copula です
Casual → Polite
本だ (ほんだ) → 本です (ほんです) (it is) a book
猫だった (ねこだった) → 猫でした (ねこでした) (it was) a cat
暑い (あつい) → 暑いです (あついです) it is hot
Example Sentences
I am going to buy a book. Casual: 本を買いに行く。(ほん を かい に いく) 丁寧語: 本を買いに行きます。(ほん を かい に いきます)
The mobile phone is broken. Casual: 携帯が壊れた。(けいたい が こわれた) 丁寧語: 携帯が壊れました。(けいたい が こわれました)
What is this? Casual: これは何だ？(これ は なん だ) 丁寧語:こちらは何ですか？(こちら は なん です か)
firstly, what are honorifics? honorifics play an extremely important role in korean - depending on who you’re talking to, sentences are conjugated differently. this is dependent on age and closeness of the person you are talking to. when you’re talking to anyone that is younger than you/close to you, you can talk to them informally, therefore all sentences will be conjugated informally. when talking to people that are older than you (and therefore deserves respect), you must speak to them formally. therefore, all sentences will be conjugated formally. there are two levels to this, but in this lesson, i’ll only be briefly covering informal low respect (for people you’re close to/younger than you) and informal high respect (for people who are older than you/not as close to you). note: despite it being “informal”, the informal high respect conjugation can be used widely with most people, including strangers that are older than you!
before we dive into conjugation, here are some quick notes! when speaking informally, you will refer to “me/i” as 나. when speaking formally, you refer to “me/i” as 저, and 요 is added to the end of your sentence to make it more formal. got it? let’s move onto conjugation!
past tense: 았어/었어(요)
if the last vowel in a word stem is ㅏ or ㅗ, 았 is used to conjugate to the past tense.
if the last vowel in a word stem is anything butㅏ or ㅗ , 었 is used to conjugate to the past tense.
say we’re conjugating the word 먹다 (to eat). the word stem here is 먹 and the last vowel in the word stem is ㅓ, therefore 었어(요) is used to conjugate to the past tense:
> 저는 빵을 먹었어요 (i ate bread) 저 is used, therefore sentence must be conjugated formally. as a result, 요 is used at the end > 나는 빵을 먹었어 (i ate bread) 나 is used, therefore the sentence is informal. as a result, 요 is not added to the end of the sentence
say we want to conjugate the word 자다 (to sleep). the word stem is 자, and the last vowel in the stem is ㅏ. therefore, 았아(요) is used to conjugate to the past tense!
> 저는 잤어요 (i slept) 저 is used, therefore the sentence must be conjugated formally. as a result, 요 is added to the end of the sentence > 나는 잤어 (i slept) 나 is used, therefore the sentence is informal. as a result, 요 is not added to the end of the sentence
present tense: 아/어(요) ✨
if the last vowel in the word stem is ㅏ or ㅗ, 아(요) is used to conjugate to the present tense.
if the last vowel in the word stem is anything other than ㅏ or ㅗ, 어(요) is used to conjugate to the present tense.
imagine we want to conjugate 읽다 (to read). the last vowel in the word stem, 읽, is ㅣ. this is not ㅏ or ㅗ, therefore 어(요) is used to conjugate to the present tense.
> 저는 읽어요 (i read) again, 저 is used, therefore 요 is added to the end of the sentence to make it formal.
> 나는 읽어 (i read)
here’s another example featuring the verb 공부하다 (to study). the last vowel in the word stem, 공부하, is ㅏ, therefore 아(요) is used to conjugate to the present tense. because the last letter in the stem is a vowel, the 아 merges with 하 to form 해. (you can read more about this on howtostudykorean.com, lesson 5!)
> 저는 한국어를 공부해요 (i study korean) > 나는 한국어를 공부해 (i study korean)
future tense
there are two main ways of conjugating to the future tense:
by adding 겠어(요) to the end of the word stem
by adding ㄹ/을 거예(요) to the end of the word stem
they both translate to show that you will do/will be something, but the first method has a slightly different nuance from the second usage. this is because it implies a sense of determination.
here’s an example featuring 가다 (to go) 가다 + 겠어(요) = 가겠어(요) > 저는 중국에 가겠어요 (i will go to china)
here’s another example featuring 만나다 (to meet) 만나다 + 겠어(요) = 만나겠어(요) > 나는 엑소를 만나겠어 (i will meet exo)
the second way of conjugating to the future tense, as previously stated, is by adding ㄹ/을 거예요 to the end of the word stem. unlike the first usage, there is no implication of determination - it’s simply just a way of conjugating to the future tense.
ㄹ is added when the last letter in a word stem is a vowel
을 is added when the last letter in a word stem is a consonant
here’s an example featuring 억다 (to eat). the last letter in the word stem is ㄱ, therefore 을 거예요 is used! > 자는 비빔밥을 먹을 거예요 (i will eat bibimbap)
here’s another example featuring 공부하다 (to study). the last letter in the word stem is ㅏ, therefore ㄹ 거예요( is used! > 저는 한국어를 공부할 거예요 (i will study korean)
easy, right? if you need more help, please don’t hesitate to message me, or look at howtostudykorean.com (which is where these lessons are adapted from) for further explanation!
