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I Wish You Could Be Honest Chapter Six: Leaving is Only For the Faint of Heart

HYDRA didn’t die out when it failed to take down S.H.I.E.L.D. during the time of the Winter Soldier. Now, top enemy agent Y/N L/N has been sent to finish the job by killing Steve Rogers. When she’s captured by S.H.I.E.L.D., she doesn’t know what to expect, but it certainly doesn’t involve Captain America himself trying to win her over.

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Moore leaves soon enough, and you’re alone on the balcony once more. You turn back to the landscape before you, hoping for something to distract you from the relentless surge of thoughts all crawling down your throat, but even the sky and sun can’t ease your mind anymore. The sunset has finished, the colors are gone. All that’s left is the gradual growing dark of night.

Steve comes back about five minutes later. You have to hand it to him, he tries hard to get you talking anymore, but the charm of your previous conversation has been lost. You feel restless, like you’re a junior agent on her first mission instead of the battle-hardened spy that you’re supposed to be. What happened to make you like this? Who stole your courage like a pickpocket snatching a purse?

You know, of course. Moore coming to tell you about the impending break-out attempt should have lifted your spirits, but it’s just sunk you back down into a wealth of shadows. You knew you would be leaving at some point, or you hoped as much, but now that you’re face to face with the truth, you almost don’t know what to do with yourself.

It’s good news, though. It’s meant to be good news. When Steve gives up and walks with you back to your cell, you force your mind to parade through every happy thing awaiting you back at the HYDRA base. Clean clothes that are actually yours and not just borrowed from the S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms. Your best weapons. The friends you’ve made. The promotion that’s awaiting you, or at least the familiar burn of a chastisement. Everything about the organization that’s been your life for the past few years.

Yet, when you shut your eyes, alone in your cell once more, you do not see the faces of your boss, nor your coworkers, or even yourself. You see the blond man sitting before you, how he tilts his head back when he laughs and squints his eyes shut as if he can’t even believe himself for thinking what’s been said is funny, let alone you too. 

This illusion of your mind shrugs his shoulders, tips his bottle forward against yours then draws it back just as quickly for a drink. He does not know you’re going, and he won’t, not ever. You can keep a secret, even if you don’t know how to keep it from yourself.

There’s a security camera in the corner, it is watching you with a relentless stare. You sit up slightly, staring it dead in the eyes. Who’s the agent on the other side, looking back at you? Is it someone you’ve hurt? Is it any one of the other friends you made before you betrayed them all when HYDRA reared its head? Hell, is it Steve? Did he see your furrowed brows and wonder what you were hiding from him?

The red recording light blinks once as if in acknowledgement, then shuts off completely. In the weeks you’ve spent in this cell, that has never happened once, not even when Steve was talking to you outside of the interrogation. It stayed on all along.

You stand slowly, wavering as blood rushes to your legs. Moments later, the door to your cell clicks open, a precise sort of sound like the whir of a machine. Your head jerks towards it, your hands clenched into fists. The lights click on about half a second later, revealing Moore standing in the doorway.

He raises his hands in mock surrender, grinning. “You can calm down, L/N. We’re skipping town, so if you’re attacking anyone, it shouldn’t be me.”

You force your shoulders to relax, but there’s still a churning sort of nerves messing up the rest of you. “What happened to waiting it out? I thought we weren’t leaving for a while. Has something happened?”

Moore shakes his head, casually strolling further in the room so he can pretend to check out the room like a potential buyer on a reality TV show. “That was so you would take it easy, like you should be doing now. If I told you that we were going tonight, you would have reacted accordingly. We can’t have you communicating anything to Captain America or his trusty thugs, even by accident. What, did you want to give him a little goodbye kiss?”

You walk closer to Moore, laying a hand on his shoulder and squeezing just enough that he squirms in your grip like a fish out of water. “I’m going to suggest you stop talking and just get me out, or I’m going to tear your arms off.”

Moore laughs nervously, although he does a quick sidestep out of your reach the second he can. He works his shoulder with a free hand, grimacing. “So pleasant, Agent. I can see why you have so many friends.”

At a sharp glance from you, he sighs. “Alright, alright. Let’s go.”

You follow him out of your cell, but you only make it a few steps outside before he stops walking again. 

“Another detour?” You ask. “Why, are the security cameras on a loop or something?”

Moore has the bravery to scoff. “What? No, I know what I’m doing. No one can hear or see us unless they decide to take a trip down to the incarceration block for a fun nighttime activity.”

You give him a pointed look. “Then why are we stopping?”

Moore pulls a stack of key cards out of his pocket, handing half to you. “I’ve ordered some cell rearrangements. Everyone in this hall is a member of HYDRA. If we’re doing one jailbreak, we’re doing them all.”

You nod, grabbing the cards. Moore walks past you to the other end of the hall and begins to unlock another door. You were in the cell on the far left, so you move one door over and swipe a card against the lock. It opens with that same mechanical click, revealing an agent tied to a chair in the dead center of the room.

You recognize her, having seen this very same agent when you first arrived at the S.H.I.E.L.D. cell block. It’s Henrietta Clarke, the woman Steve took you to visit in the hopes of seeing whether you’d rat out anyone in HYDRA if given a chance at freedom. You hadn’t revealed her then, but upon coming face to face with her again, you can’t help but remember Steve’s words. 

He had said that you were the only HYDRA agent who had refused to turn in a fellow agent, contrary to what you had been told in the past. It’s HYDRA principle to never betray your coworkers, yet not one of your captured agents had ever played by that rule. Steve could have been lying, of course, but you’ve memorized his tells like a gambler memorizing the day’s lotto numbers. You know when Steve is lying, and he wasn’t lying then.

You push the thought out of your head. You don’t have time to think about Steve, not now. If you’re captured at this point, no amount of tricks will save you from a true interrogation. You’ve been offered an olive branch, and you need to use it to escape now. If Steve finds out about your attempt to flee, he’ll never offer you the same kindness again.

You reach for the dummy S.H.I.E.L.D. badge on your arm, removing the hidden blade in one crisp movement. As you saw at Clarke’s restraints, though, you can’t force your thoughts from Steve any longer. Moore wasn’t wrong about the date change for the break-out. If you had known that you were leaving tonight, you would have–

Well, what would you have done? Would you have told Steve that you were leaving, would you have hoped for a goodbye? Not a chance. Steve is still your enemy, even if you think you can share drinks with him on a sunny afternoon. There is no future that doesn’t involve the two of you gunning for each other, and no amount of jokes and false pretenses can change that. 

It’s over now, it’s done. This hasn’t been one of the worst lies you’ve told, and if you’re going to be honest with yourself, you might even miss it on late nights when the solitude of a spy’s life gets to you. Maybe you’ll reminisce whenever you see a man who smiles with eyes even half that blue, or when you delude yourself into thinking that you’ll ever be more than a killer. One man thought that you could be more than just yourself, and you’re proving him wrong right now.

You tug through the last of Clarke’s restraints with a savage tug of your blade, and she stands up. You can’t return her relieved smile, just slap another key card into her palm and tell her to start letting people out. You open door after door, and eventually, you meet up with Moore and a dozen or so newly freed agents.

From there, it’s relatively simple. Moore must have been planning this operation with other HYDRA agents for a while, because he’s got everything under lock. You can admit that much, even though you still think the guy’s a greasy asshole who’s far less slick than he thinks.

He manages to get you back your uniform and guns, too, even though your belongings are probably covered in trackers and have to be ditched soon enough. Well, the thought counts. Moore has identified specific corridors that are monitored by dead cameras, and you and your entourage of liberated HYDRA agents dash through the hallways as quickly as you can.

You’re running on adrenaline and the hope that you’ll get out soon, so when Moore starts directing you further into the S.H.I.E.L.D. complex instead of towards the doors leading out, you can’t help but feel frustrated.

You catch up to him, and mutter under your breath as you run. “Excuse my confusion, but I thought we were supposed to be leaving, not staying around even longer. Shouldn’t we be going the other direction?”

Moore smirks. “That’s if we’re going immediately, yes. We still have a shot to finish your mission.”

Something like ice starts to claw its way out of your stomach, freezing around your heart and crawling up your throat to tip your tongue with cold. “What does that mean?”

He chuckles. “Oh, come on. We’ll never get a chance like this again. Steve Rogers is going to come out of that door over there in approximately thirty seconds, and he’ll never be able to take on all of us, not when we have surprise on our side. I bet you twenty he doesn’t even have his shield with him.”

You turn to face him slowly. “We’re killing him now?”

This is too much. You were barely pulling yourself together when you thought you were leaving Steve with nothing, but now? You try to visualize what is about to happen. Steve comes walking out of those doors, coasting on the feeling of being safe for once in his life. He isn’t watching his back. He doesn’t have to, not in his own base.

What will happen when he sees you, out of your cell and surrounded by your own men? Will you watch those sky blue eyes flash with surprise, then grow cold when he realizes that you’ve betrayed him? You are the primary agent here, even though Moore’s been leading this rescue operation for a while. You will be the one expected to take your gun and pull the trigger.

It will be your hands stained with red, then. It will be your bullet piercing Steve’s skull. He will fall dead at your feet, because you never miss and you certainly won’t when he’s so close to you. Will you wait for him to realize the situation before you take the shot, or will you save yourself the torment of watching him understand, and kill him before he knows you’ve turned traitor once again?

All this flashes before your eyes in the space of about half a second. You blink, hard, to clear away the vision of Steve lying dead at your feet, and the linoleum clears itself of blood in about half a second. You have killed many times before, and murdered people far more innocent than Steve. You were ready to assassinate him weeks ago. You can do it again. You have no other choice but to do it again.

But Moore is shaking his head. 

“No, not this time, I’m afraid. We’ll do it eventually, of course, but he’s been so open to you that it’s got me thinking. Why cut off a perfectly good lead if you can keep using it? I’m thinking we take Rogers back with us to base, glean every piece of information we can, then shut him up once and for all. I mean, I’ve been undercover here for a while, and they only let me know so much. I can’t imagine the wealth of knowledge Rogers is sitting on, and if he shares even half of it, we’re golden.”

You let out a slow breath, feeling oddly relieved. “Alright, then. Shoot to wound?”

Moore considers this, then frowns, disagreeing. “Why bother? The noise would only alert people. We surround him, maybe rough him up a bit to get him to surrender, then knock him cold. We’ve got enough people that we can get him out without too much fuss. There’s a vehicle parked right out that door.”

You nod. “You’ve certainly planned this out well.”

It’s a statement of judgment, but Moore just seems pleased by it. “Yes, I have. Gratitude looks good on you.”

You’re not certain that you’re grateful in the slightest, but you don’t have time to unpack that, because the doors at the far end of the hall are opening and Steve Rogers is stepping out into the corridor. As the door shuts behind him, he freezes slightly, noticing that there’s a crowd of people where there should be nothing but empty rooms.

His eyes meet yours, flash to the people around you, then back to you again. He tilts his head back slightly, knowingly. “I suppose there’s no way I can convince you to go back to your cells, then?”

Moore laughs, the sound strangely discordant as it echoes off the half empty walls. “Not a chance. Stand down, Rogers. We’ve got you outnumbered.”

Steve shakes his head once. “Not the way I see it.”

Despite Steve’s bravado, Moore isn’t wrong. Steve may be a supersoldier, but even he can’t take on more than a dozen HYDRA agents that have been spending the last few weeks or even months biding their time for a chance to strike. He puts up a good fight, but there’s nothing he can do.

Eventually, he’s forced to the ground, his hands on his head. Moore rummages around in his pack for a syringe, and you find yourself standing directly in front of Steve, looking down at him.

Steve’s gaze is unwavering, and you feel the need to speak, anything to get this sudden, looming weight off of your chest. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. You knew I was a bad guy all along. It’s not my fault if you wanted to believe something different.”

Steve’s expression doesn’t change for a heartbeat. “I don’t believe it anymore.” He says, and you rear back for just a second as if he’s slapped you.

At the same time, Moore, having located the syringe at last, jams the tip into Steve’s neck and pushes in the plunger, releasing the sedative. Steve’s eyes shut in a matter of seconds, but you swear you can still feel his gaze burning holes into your head.

Moore looks up at you triumphantly. “Well, we did it. Mission accomplished, I’d say.”

You smile back feebly, and you don’t think it’s ever been harder to fake such a simple expression. “Mission accomplished,” you repeat.

This is supposed to be a celebration, a chance for you to finally go home, but you can’t seem to stop one question from replaying in your head, again and again until you think you might go mad:

What have you done?


series/marvel tag list: @maluisamarvelfan123,@navs-bhat,@thatfangirl42,@rogueanschel,@mycosmicparadise,@ellobruv,@caswinchester2000,@with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie,@23victoria,@watchreadfangirlrepeat,@faiirybread

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary:You patch things up with Steve, but will Laurie take you back?

Word Count: 1300

Warnings:Language, fluff, angst.

A/N:Well, this is not my best, but I still like this one. Hope you guys do too! Also, not my gif. Credit to the owner. You know the drill.


He answered after one ring. “Hello?” God, you missed his voice. 

“Steve,” you breathed, tears still streaming down your face. It was like a dam had broken and now your eyes were flooded. Your voice was shaking, and you had to speak quietly so you wouldn’t cry anymore. “It’s me.”

It was quiet on his end for a moment or two, and then you heard him sigh. Was he relieved? “Thank God.” He said breathlessly, and you could almost picture him running his hands through his hair. 


“And you’re sure?” Steve asked for about the thousandth time.

Yes,” You insisted, grabbing his hands. You stood in your living room, by the front door. As soon as Steve had walked in you had rushed over to him. “Yes, I’m sure. It’ll be hard, but I’d rather see you a little bit at a time then not at all.” You laced your fingers together with his. 

He grinned slowly, his eyes nearly sparkling as he looked down at you. You could almost hear the ocean when you looked in his eyes. “Okay?” you said after he didn’t say anything, squeezing his hands gently to make sure he was still alive. 

“Okay,” he chuckled, bending down slightly to kiss you. You helped him fill the space by standing just slightly on your toes, your lips meeting in the middle. God, I missed this, you thought, moving your lips against his. Soon his hands let go of yours and traveled to your waist, pulling you closer. You reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck, not opening your eyes or breaking the connection between him for one second. He lifted you up off the ground and spun you around for a second, causing you to giggle into his mouth. 

Finally he set you down, and you parted, grinning at him with slightly flushed cheeks. “I missed you so much,” you said, pulling him more into your apartment.

“I missed you too, doll,” he replied, chuckling. “I thought about coming into the store a few times, and buying a phone case again. But I figured you would need your space.”

You smiled as you remembered the first time you had met him. You just knew him as Captain America then, this man who fought to protect the world and had been frozen for like, a hundred years (not a hundred, but you didn’t know the exact number). But now, you knew him as Steve, this kind, wonderful, amazing man who swept you off your feet and made you feel so happy, and safe, and invincible. 

You spent the night holed up in your apartment with Steve, catching up on the last month you’d missed with him. He told you what he could about all the missions he’d been on, and shared a few stories of being recognized in public. You told him about your fight with Laurie, and how you felt so guilty about leaving things the way they were with her. 

“Well, then, you have to talk to her,” Steve said. You were sitting on the couch with him now, talking. He reached over and brushed your hair behind your ears. “You guys have been friends too long just to let it fizzle out like that.”

You thought it was sweet how much he cared, and moved so that you weren’t facing him anymore; instead, your back was pressed against his chest, legs extending across the couch. He pressed a kiss against the top of your head and you could feel his chest rising and falling- steady and sure. 

“You’re probably right,” you sighed, closing your eyes. He ran his fingers through your hair. “Tomorrow,” you promised, letting out a yawn. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”


You stood in front of Laurie’s apartment, an olive branch in hand. Not an actual olive branch, but a peace offering of sorts. It was a plastic bag full of Laurie’s favorite candy and makeup from work. You glanced down at your phone. A text from Steve helped you work up the courage to knock.

You can do this, doll. Just talk to her. 

-Steve 

You took in a deep breath, and, with your free hand, knocked on the door. 

After a few moments, Laurie answered. She frowned when she saw it was you, and just stood there. She didn’t say anything, just stared at you with her arms crossed over her chest. You swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“I, uh, I brought you this,” you said, handing her the bag. She glanced down in to it and, after moments of consideration, allowed you to come inside. 

“I’m sorry I was such an asshole,” you spoke again, biting your lip. “I shouldn’t have taken all my frustrations with Steve out on you, and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was being a bad friend, and you were being a good friend by calling me out on my bullshit.”

You sighed. You’d said your piece, and now all you had to do was wait for Laurie to forgive you… or decide she never wanted to see you again. 

After minutes- literally, minutes- of agonizing silence, Laurie rolled her eyes. “You swear you’re done acting like a lunatic?” she asked, looking at you. 

“Yes,” you said, smiling softly. “Yes. Lunacy over. They’ve released me from the asylum.”

“Well, then, get over here, you dumb-ass,” Laurie said, opening her arms. You stepped forward and hugged your best friend, feeling all the pieces finally fall into place. 

After the hug, you and Laurie spent the evening watching your favorite movies, quoting the lines you knew so well. She ordered Thai food and pizza and you pigged out with her on food you didn’t need, but damn did it taste good. You split a bottle of wine with her and sang stupid songs at the top of your lungs, and you were so happy to have your best friend back. 


The next day, you met with Steve at the grocery store. He only had an hour to spare today to see you, and you had to go shopping for the week before you went to work. You spotted the faded blue baseball cap and knew it was him. 

Holding the basket in one hand and Steve’s hand in the other, the two of you walked down the aisles and you occasionally would toss something in the basket. You held a conversation with your boyfriend, talking to him about stuff that didn’t really matter. Then finally, as you approached the produce section, he brought up something that did matter.

“So, Stark- Tony, I mean - is hosting this big, stupid party to celebrate the Avengers being together for three years,” he said, and you chuckled to yourself. “What?” He asked, nudging you with his shoulder.

“That’s so sweet,” you said, grabbing an apple and putting it in the basket. “It’s like an anniversary party. An Aveng-iversary.” You laughed, because you thought you were hilarious.

Steve didn’t. He just shook his head and rolled his eyes. “You are insane,” he said, scoffing at you lightly. “But as I was saying, he’s having this big party, and he told us we could invite whoever we want. And I want you.” He stopped, then scrunched his face slightly. “To be there. I want you to come with me. It’s next Saturday. Can you make it?”

You thought of the work schedule and after a moment or two, nodded. “Yeah, I can make it,” You said, grinning. 

“Good,” He said, kissing the side of your head. “Cause my coworkers can’t wait to meet you.”

“Coworkers?” You scoffed. “You mean, the rest of the Avengers?”

Steve nodded, and it dawned on you. A night meeting the rest of the Avengers? Holy shit. You were in trouble. 


Tags:

@whiskeyandwashitape@thelostswan@theonethingforyouu@alilianamendez@superwholockian5ever

Ok so I am requesting to anyone who needs more ideas ok PRE-SERUM STEVE LOVE! I need some sexy adorable Pre-serum Steve x reader please

What do people who don’t obsess over tv shows/movies/signers do in their spare time?Like I mean like even the ones who don’t obsess over sports? Like please tell me what do you do? Is your life fun or boring? I NEED TO KNOW!

Ok so why is it that I’m so fucking attracted to Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan but like I see Tom Holland and I think he’s cute but like nah. I mean I’m almost 20 and would rather get plowed by two guys almost double my age.

Can you imagine giving Steve a blowjob while the fireworks go off for the 4th/his birthday. I mean cuz damn I can just picture that blush on his face as soon as you start.

This is the first imagine of my Steve Roger x Reader Series. For more of my writing check out my Masterlist!

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You and Steve met on his first day of base camp. You were tasked to take him to the back to try to find  an uniform that would fit him halfway decently. However, considering his size, that task was nearly impossible.

“This is the smallest kit I can find, I’ll keep looking though and bring you anything else I find tomorrow. I’m just going to need to take some measurements before you leave,” you spoke for the first time since receiving your orders.

“Thank you Miss-“ Steve replied.

“Y/l/n. Y/f/n Y/l/n,” you answered offering your hand.

“I’m Steve, Steve Rogers. Private Rogers” he returned.

“I know, you’re kind of the talk of the camp,” you turned to hide your blush.

“What is a girl like you doing in a place like this?” he asked as you retrieved a tape measure.

“I’m here with the SSR, when I’m not busy with work, I try to help out around the base as much as possible. Arms up.”

“Huh?”

“Arms up, so I can measure,”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” he said lifting his arms.

After a few more minutes you got everything you needed.

“Okay private Rogers, your all set.”

“Thank you again, I really appreciate this.”

“No problem, good luck out there,” you smile as he shifts to leave.

He awkwardly made his way out the door. And you were stuck with that dumb smile on your face. Of all the men you had to choose from, you had to pick him. There was something different about him though, he had heart, you could tell… And that is why you stayed up late that night to alter a uniform for him. All the odds were stacked against him. No one really wanted him here and they wouldn’t hesitate to let that be known. His size would work against him, and he would have to work twice as hard as everyone else. The least you could do is make sure he was properly outfitted.

The next morning Steve woke up to find a new uniform sitting on the foot of his bed. He quickly put it on making a mental note to thank you later. He lined up with the others and went on out to train for the day. And it went about as well as you predicted.

It was later that evening as he sat alone eating dinner that Agent Carter paused at his table, “You’re a lucky man Private.”

“Why is that?” he asked surprised she was even talking to him.

“Every guy here has tried to gain Y/n’s attention, and you win her over with one encounter.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“The uniform,” she clarified.

“Yeah, she found it in storage.”

“They don’t come in any size below medium,”

“What do you mean?”

“It had to be altered, I’m sure it took her most of the night.”

“Really?”

“Yes, she must see something in you. Anyways, keep up the good work out there,” Peggy said as she walked away. She had planted the seed, and felt confident that she had completed her duties as your best friend. Now it was just a matter of time.

Steve quickly finished his meal and went to find you. However, after asking around he had discovered that you were off-base and he would just have to wait. But something in his gut was already telling him that you were well worth it.

Masterlist

  • request are currently open!
  • i do not write smutordarkfics
  • i do not write male!reader. i only write female!reader. being female, it is what i am most comfortable writing.

-Bucky Barnes

#1 first time you held hands

-Steve Rogers

I Need You To Understand  (Mob!Au)  pt.2

-Supernatural 

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Sam Winchester 

-Teen Wolf

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Stiles Stilinski 

Theo Raeken 

Scott McCall

-The Vampire Diaries 

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Damon Salvatore 

-Outer Banks 

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JJ Maybank 

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I Understand - pt. 2

Pairing:Mob!Steve x Reader

Summary:You realized just how much you need him. You go to him and try to talk things out. 

Word count: 1,765 

Warnings:angst/fluff, mentions of torture, cursing

Authors Note: thank you so much for the love on the first part. I’m so in love with mob!au’s and happy how much this one turned out. if you have any suggestion on what I should write next, pls let me know <3

part 1 here!

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(not my gif, credit to owner)

It has been 2 weeks since you last saw Steve. Every day you have been getting different types of flowers delivered to your apartment from Steve. With each bouquet, he has been living different notes stating how much he loves you and wondering if you were ever going to forgive him. He was hoping and praying that maybe you would text him back.

You want to forgive him, but you just don’t know if you could. I mean, you saw him almost kill a man. It is traumatizing. You do miss him so much. You miss his touch, the way he always rubs your back when you guys cuddle, and how he cooks for you and tells you how much he loves you.

You just got back from a long bad day at work and school. You turned in your assignment late, that you were really hard on, and your teacher only gave you half credit on it. Then the coffee machine at your job stopped working, but it stopped working after you got half a cup of coffee. But then your stupid co-worker, who is always rude to you, accidentally bumps into and spills your coffee all over your white blouse. So you had to deal with a coffee stain shirt all day and everyone kept giving you weird looks.

Once you arrived at the doorstep of your small apartment, you noticed a bouquet that was mixed with sunflowers and roses, your two favorite flowers, on top of the doormat. You already knew it was from Steve. You picked up the flowers off of the ground with one hand and used the other had to unlock your front door with your house key that was already in your hand. You unlocked and opened the door and pushed it open your foot. You walked to your kitchen, which was right by the front door, you dropped off your keys, purse, and the flowers all on the counter. You noticed that the flower had a note on it with a small paragraph. It usually didn’t have noted on it, when it did it only had Steve’s name on it. You grabbed the note to read it.

“I know you still haven’t forgiven me because you haven’t reached out. So, this will be the last time you will hear from me. I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. But just know that I always will and forever love you. When your ready to be with me, ill be waiting. -Steve”

You read the note twice just to make sure you read it. You weren’t sure how to feel. You wanted to be with him but you aren’t sure if you had forgiven him yet.

── • ✰ •  ──

It has been two days since you received the last flowers from Steve. You thought about the whole situation that happened, and you realized just how much you need him and that he needed you. You made your final decision. You wanted to be with him no matter what. So today, since it is your day off, you are going to go over to his house and tell him that you have forgiven him.

You woke up and got ready like any other day. You wore your favorite outfit, had a nice breakfast, and was on your way to Steve’s house by midday.

It was about a 15-minute drive with a little bit of traffic. The whole way you were mentally preparing yourself and thinking of what you were going to say. You parked your car in front of his house, by the sidewalk. Got out of your car, walked up to his house, and knocked on the door. Your nerves were everywhere. You felt like you were about to have a heart attack. You couldn’t stop playing with your nails, which you always did when you were nervous. You heard the front door open and you felt your heart stop for a minute. You looked up from your hands and saw Steve staring at you with a shocked but confused face. He didn’t expect to see you anytime soon.

“Hi,” You said with a gentle tone. Steve was still looking at you with a confused face. He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. He was still trying to understand why you swerve standing in front of him and if you were there or if he was just dreaming.

“H-hi.” He was trying to think of what to say to you without scaring you off again. “What are you doing here?”

“Umm, I came here to see you.” You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t want to be straight forward. “I wanted to talk to you…. about us.”

“Of course. Come in” He responded quickly. He opened the door wider and moved to the side to let you go through. While walking through the door and passed him, you looked up at him and gave him a small smile, he returned one back to you.

He closed the door behind you and motioned you to his office with his hands. You nodded to him, showing that you understood the way he wanted to go, and walked up the stairs into his office. You opened the office doors and slowly walked towards the middle of the room, you didn’t know to stand or to sit. You just decided that standing was probably better. You felt this feeling of deja vu. All the feelings of when you were last in the office were coming back to you all at once, making you nervous then you already were.

You looked back to the office door to Steve closing the door. He walked towards you in the middle of the room and slowly sat to lean on the front of his desk. He looked at you up and down, waiting for you to speak first.

“I know this is kind of unexpected but I did a lot of thinking over these past few days and I know this has been hard on the both of us. But I know what I want to do and I know what is the right decision to do between us. I wanted to tell you this in person instead of over the phone. I knew it would be better this way.” You were scared to see his reaction. You knew he wanted you but have things change over the last few days.

“You want to end things officially, don’t you?” He cut you off, spitting out his assumption.

“W-what?” You were shocked by his question. “Of course not. I want to be with you.”

He looked at you with a shocked face. He did not expect to hear that from you. He thought you were going to leave him for good after how much he frightened you that day.

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘Why’? I love you Steve and nothing is going to change that.”

“But that day, you were so scared of me. I thought you were going to leave me for good after you found out the truth.”

“I mean, yea I was scared of you, but that didn’t make me want to leave you.” You tried to explain it to him. “I just need some time to understand this whole fucked situation.”

You look at him with pleading eyes. You wanted to know what he was thinking.

“So you wanna be with me?” He asked

“Of course. I just-I just am a little scared.” You replied with uncertainty. He looked at you with questioning eyes but nodding for you to go on. “I’m scared of how this is going to effort us. I’m scared that I might be in danger all the time because of your enemies. I’m scared of losing you.”

Your voice was shaky and you had tears starting to form in your eyes. You looked at the ground trying to avoid looking at him, which might make you start crying. He looked at you with sadness and guilt, knowing he caused you this feeling. He got up from leaning on his desk and walked closer to you. He stood right in front of you, with both of your chests almost touching. He placed both of his hands on your cheeks, trying to direct your face towards him. You looked back at him and put both of your hands on his lower stomach in a comforting way.

“I understand that you are scared, but you need to know that I will never let anything happen to you. I will protect you no matter what the consequences are. You are my whole world, and I will protect your life even if that means losing mine.” He said while looking directly into your eyes, showing that he means what he said.

You nodded at him showing him that you understood what he said. You let your hands, that were on his chest, slowly move to go around his waist and around to rest on his back. You stepped forward, moving even closer to him, connecting your hands on his back and letting your hand rest on his chest. He moved one arm to go around your waist, and the other around your shoulder, with his hand on top of your head, squeezing you tight.

He looked down at you and smiled happily loving the feeling of having you back in his arms. He was so glad that he finally had you back and made you his again. He leaned down with his head to kiss you on the top of his head. You guys stood there for a couple of minutes, just embracing each other.

You made the first move to separate from each other. You took a step back and moved your hands back to the front of his chest. His hand was still on your waist with the other moved to rest on your cheek. You leaned forward, on your tippy-toes, and kissed him on the lips. He was shocked that you did that but he loved the feeling of your lips on his. He missed the feeling that your kisses gave him.

“I love you so much.” He said against your lips once you guys released from the kiss. You gave him a small and a small peck.

“I love you too. More than you will ever know.”

You know that you made the right decision going back to him. You were finally happy again, and so was he. He knew that you were the one and planned to never lose you.

—–

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I Need You To Understand

Pairing: Mob!Steve x reader

Summary: You find out Steve is the leader of a mafia gang. 

Word count: 2041

Warnings: angst/fluff ,mentions of torture 

Authors Note: sorry I havent posted in a while. I’ve been busy with school and some health issues, but not covid. i really hope you enjoy this one. let me know if I should make part 2 because im kind thinking about it. im proud of this one and please send me feedback <3

part 2!

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(gif not mine, credit to owner) 

You and Steve have been dating for almost a year now. It was his birthday coming up soon so you thought it would be a good idea to go over to his house and surprise him with an early birthday present. You had a key to his house, he gave it to you for your 6 month anniversary, so you just walked in. You saw his maid cleaning in the kitchen. You asked him if she might know where Steve is and she told you he was in the basement. You thought him being in the basement was a bit weird since he never went down there, but you didn’t question it much.

You walk down the stairs and see two large men backsides facing you and Steve standing behind a man who was tied to a chair with a large knife held against his throat. The man has his white button work shirt unbuttoned with cuts covering his chest and face, and blood dripping down his whole body.

“Oh my god,” You covered your mouth with your hand and took a step back from the scene. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing right now.

Steve looked up from the man when he heard you speak and saw you on the verge of tears with a horror look on your face. You stared at the scene for about 10 seconds, debating on what the right move might be before you turned around and started running up the stairs. Trying to run away from Steve before he can do anything to you.

“Fuck” Steve said while dropping the knife on the floor and running after you. He turned quickly to the two large men while running, “Watch him”.

Steve ran up the stairs and ran after you. Before you could reach the front door, he wrapped his arms around your waist and caught you in a tight hold, preventing you from running away from him. You tried ripping his arms off of you but he was too strong. You thought you were next.

“Let me go. Please” You tried pleading to him. Not wanting your life to end.

“Calm down. I’ll let you go when you calm down.”

“No, get off of me. P-please”

“Babe, I need you to calm down.”

“Please don’t hurt me. Please.”

He can hear the fear in your voice and that just broke his heart. He never thought he would be the one to make you scared.

“I’m not gonna hurt you. I would never, but I need you to calm down for me.”

You finally started struggling, knowing you were losing the fight. You were breathing hard and had tears dripping down your face. Steve relaxed his arms around your body and turned you around to face him. He had both his hands on your upper arms, trying to make you stay still. He looked at your terrified face. He can see the tears running down on your cheeks and you looking everywhere else but at his face.

“Ok, I’m gonna take you to my office upstairs and we are gonna talk.” He put his hand on your cheek and rubbed away the tears. “Ok?”

You nodded while finally looking at him but only for a split second, too scared to look at him. He finally let you go and gently pushed you in front of him with only one arm around your waist. You walked to his office with Steve trailing behind you. Once you guys reached his office, he reached over you and turned the door handle. Once the door was open, you walked inside. You were still scared of him and what he might do, so you just did what he wanted. He lightly pushed you inside and closed the door behind you guys, while locking it.

Steve guided you to sit in the large chair in front of his desk. You sat down with your hands in your lap and looking at the ground. He moved to sit on the front of his desk, facing you. He was thinking of the right thing to say, not wanting to make things worse.

“I know you’re scared right now, but I need you to listen to me and let me explain.” He said with a gentle voice.

You looked up at him with teary eyes and fear rushing through your veins. You didn’t know what to think right now. Was everything he told you a lie? Was he using you for something? Were you next? You still nodded your head at his statement and looked back at the ground.

“Ok, good.” He stepped forward, away from his desk, and moved closer to you. He kneeled down in front of you and put his large hands onto your hands that were still played on your lap. You flinched a little at the sudden touch from him. He looked at you trying to understand what you are thinking and how you are feeling.

“I know you are scared but I need you to listen to me. I am not going to hurt you, I would never dream of hurting you. I just want to explain to you what you just saw.” He was caressing your knuckle with his thumbs. “I have not been 100% honest with you. I lied to you about what my job is and how I make my money.”

He hesitated for a second to explain to you. He was scared of your reaction.

“I told you I was a business owner, which was true, but not the type of business you would usually think of. I am the owner of the mafia, more like the leader.” He looked at your face for a reaction but all he got was a serious face with more tears dripping down your face. You were scared out of your mind.

“I understand you’re afraid and confused right now. I will answer any questions you have to make you understand. No more lies. I don’t want you to be scared of me right now. You mean the world to me and you are the person I love most in this fucked up world. I can’t lose you now.”

You had a million questions but you honestly were scared to ask. Still, you had to know the answers. You hesitated for a second, still trying to process everything. You didn’t know what question to ask first. You needed to know one thing. 

“W-why?” You spoke with hesitation and a hint of fear in your voice. 

“Why what?” 

“Why were you about to kill that man?”

“He betrayed me.” He was scared to tell you the truth but he knew he had to. “He began working for me a couple of months ago. He worked closely with me and I trusted him only to find out that he was working with my biggest enemy and he was spying on me. He was reporting back to his boss on everything I was doing”

“So that’s your reason for killing him.” You had slight anger in your voice. “You were about to take a human life just because he betrayed you.”

“I know it sounds bad but you don’t understand. This isn’t just some regular business where I can just fire him. If he lives after I found out about his betrayal then that makes me look weak and pathetic to other mafia gangs.” He was trying to defend himself. Make you believe he was doing the right thing. “If they see that, then that allows them to make a move on me and take over my business. That allows them to take over and kill me. Every day in the mafia is a life or death situation and I always choose the situation that will keep me alive.”

“But still, killing someone isn’t something to take lightly. How do you think I feel? I’m scared out of my mind right now.”

“I know you are. Trust me, I felt the same way you did when my father told me everything.”

“Your father? I thought he died when you were young.”

“He did. He was going on a risky mission to bring down a very bad and dangerous gang, who liked to hurt people for fun and do whatever they wanted. So, before he left he told me everything that was happening. I knew he worked for a dangerous business but I didn’t understand since I was so young. That night he told me everything and if anything ever happened to him that I had to help my mom with the business and take over once I was old enough, and lead just like he did.”

“That’s how you got into the mafia?”

“Yea. My family has been a part of it since the beginning of it.”

“Did your dad succeed in the mission?”

“Yea, he did. He killed the leader of the gang and took over. He made it a part of ours and made it great. But he died a couple of years later and missed the true success of it. I know you must think that we do bad things as a gang, but that’s the complete opposite. We help people, we give them jobs and turn their lives over. We help the people in need.”

You nodded at his response. You didn’t know what to say. You were still speechless. You understand a little more but you were still scared. 

You and Steve haven’t spoken for a couple of minutes, just in silence.

 “Can you please say something? I need to know what you are thinking.” Steve begged to you, needing to hear you speak. 

“I am thinking about how to handle this situation. I am thinking of how we go on after all of this.”

Steve stood up from kneeling on the floor and moved to sit in the chair next to you. 

“I still love you and I still wanna be with you. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore but if you do I need to know.”

“I don’t know if I still wanna be with you. I still love you and I know I will always love you but I just don’t know how to feel about us. I mean, you are the leader of a mafia gang. Like this stuff only happens in movies.”

“I know.” He replied with a chuckle.

“I just-I don’t know” You paused for a second. Too scared to tell him the truth, scared he might be angry and do something he might regret.. “I think we need some time apart. I need some time to think and process everything that has just happened.” 

“Of course. I completely understand.” He reached over the armrest and put his hand over yours and gave it a little squeeze. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

As he said that, you looked over at him and saw a little comforting smile form on his lips. It gave you a little hope that everything was going to be okay between you guys.

You slowly sat up from the chair and turned to face Steve, who was still in the chair next to yours. You put your hand over his cheek. Looking into his beautiful blue eyes, taking them in. Hopefully not for the last time.

With that, you realized his face and walked to the door behind his sitting self. As you put your hand on the door handle, you stopped for a second.

You turned to him, “I know this changes things between us, but this doesn’t change the fact that I love you. Just wanted to let you know that.”

He turned around to face you, still sitting. He looked at you with love in his eyes.

“I know.”

You were happy with his response and gave him a little smile. You turned back to face the office door and turned to open the door. You went through the door and left the house. You left him behind, thinking if he will ever see you again. Hoping that you will eventually come back to him. No matter how long it takes, he will wait for his whole life for you.

——

@perfectkittykitten 

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