#not a joke
I just finished watching every episode of Supernatural ask me anything
youtube comments are always like: “I studied vocals at the graduate level for 5 years, and this is actually an incredibly hard song to sing. She did a really good job!”
and it’s a cover of Chug Jug With You
I’m always thinking and thinking and over thinking about everything I say and do because I’m trying to figure out why it’s so easy for people to leave me like I wasn’t worth anything in the first place even though I try so hard to be perfect but as usual I’m not good enough
In the spirit of the season…
If you ever feel like you’re bad at giving gifts, just know that I once gave my friend a gift certificate to a cheese shop for her birthday… she’s lactose intolerant
me in my house:
National Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Butterflies, by Robert Michael Pyle
It may be April Fool’s Day today, but I assure you this is no joke. I’m happy to announce that I’ll be using another field guide to help with insect identification. Previously I only had the Insect and Spiders Guide (also the Rocks & Minerals and Reptiles & Amphibians guides), but this book just arrived today. I’ll be looking through it in depth, but having just briefly looked through its contents, it’ll be a big help. For those not familiar with Audubon Society Field Guides, the books are structured to make identification relatively easy. The Butterflies are sorted into their family groups, each section accompanied by a silhouette of a typical specimen. In each section are wonderful photographs of Butterflies out in the field (some have 2 pictures since the top and bottom of the wing can feature different colors or patterns), their common name and a page number. The page number is used to locate the description of the insect in the back of the guide. For example: In Picture 6 the Desert Swallowtail says, p. 329. Scrolling to that page you can find pointers identification, range, behaviors and other facts. Since the guidebook it covers all of North America, there’s bound to be a few species I’ll never see (and even a few species not in the book), but it’ll be fun to learn about them nonetheless. I’m looking forward to using this book in between insect hunts to figure out the identities of some more peculiar Lepidopterans!
Since this is a Butterfly guide, there are no pictures of Moths, but there are descriptions of Caterpillars,Chrysalids and eggs. And since Skippers are Butterflies, you’ll find them here too. Me personally, I’d like to see an Audubon guide to North American Beetles given the sheer variety of Beetles out there. For more information, check the guidebooks directly at the NAS webpage.
Post link
my theory for why stranger things season 4 is split into two parts is that netflix has an algorithm for the maximum hours of content they can release without someone literally dying while binging it
{this post is not a happy one y’all. If you don’t feel like listening to me being all in my feels rn, just keep scrolling and ignore this please. Btw idk if that sounded passive aggressive just then, but I’m just putting that out there so anyone who doesn’t need negativity in their lives rn can pass this without it affecting them, bc I know I feel that way sometimes}
At this point in my life, I’m supposed to be going to school, figuring out my life, meeting new people, moving out, growing up, etc. But I just feel like I’m totally lost on what to do with myself since there’s no one around me that I can really look to as an example or a leader.
My adhd scares me so much and I hate how much it rules over my life.
Instead of getting to move into dorms and have a normal college life, my fear of being constantly overstimulated and getting panic attacks has kept me at home with my family. And don’t get me wrong, I love my family and this was definitely better financially, but I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much because of it.
Right now I’m watching all of my friends move out, meet new people, and pursue degrees and careers they have confidence they can fulfill because they don’t have to worry about the limitations set on them with a disability like adhd.
To be honest, I’ve known this was coming, and have been bracing myself for it for a while now. I also know that everyone struggles and that my life could be a lot worse. I shouldn’t be divulging in self pity so much, but it’s so hard to stop the problems and limitations caused by adhd from getting to me.
I’m trying to figure out what career I should pursue, but I have no idea what to do since I’m scared of how my adhd/anxiety could inhibit my future. Maybe if I choose a certain career path, I’m going to screw myself over because it’s not going to mix well with my mental conditions. What am I gonna do then? Won’t it be too late? It’s not like I can easily just go back to school and start over.
I always feel so alone. There’s no one I can talk to about this because not only do I want to upset anyone I know with my own unhappiness, but also because they just literally don’t get it. It’s totally not their fault, but there’s no way to make a connection with the people around me on this since they don’t understand what it’s like to have adhd.
I’ve gained like 20 lbs. in the last ~2 years because I stress eat. The difference between my body’s health and condition during the school year vs. during the summer shocks me every time school ends and I improve again. I see how much damage the stress of adhd does to my body since I have to work so hard to prevent my adhd from holding me back in school.
I had to become a part time student at school this semester (which is bad bc I’m a scholarship student and I was never supposed to do that in the first place) because I couldn’t take the work load of school. I was literally getting no sleep and was physically and mentally exhausted. Not to mention the fact that I need to work part time if I want to make enough money to move out. I’m scared for this upcoming semester since I have to go back to being full time and work my part time job at the same time. I don’t know how badly the extra work is going to affect my health.
I don’t want to be sad, scared, lonely, and insecure anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to know I have control over my life, but I don’t know how to do that.
Sorry this is a giant wall of text and it’s super all over the place. My mind is just kind of a mess right now and I’m really frustrated and tired.
Thank you SO MUCH to anyone who actually reads this whole thing. I don’t deserve that. I’m open to hearing your advice. Lol if you couldn’t already tell, I’m kind of at wits end here.
Anyway, Happy New Year. Here’s to a better 2019.
hot n SPICY take about Carry On below the cut to save space bc I needed to say this and it’s been bothering me for a long while:
Simon is lactose intolerant
