FOR@ghostofreggie WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT SUPPORT AND FEED INTO MY PHASE OF BUCK. YOU ARE AMAZING AND I COULDN’T IMAGINE WRITING THIS WITHOUT YOU.
Missions far from home were never easy for any of you. But for Bucky they became harder and harder the more he felt for you. You had walked into his world at the right place, and at the time he needed someone the most. When he met you, all he saw was beautiful and all you saw in yourself was the nerd of an assistant for Tony Stark. He knew he could never hurt you, and in doing so he never told you what he was feeling.
The moment you laid eyes on Bucky; your world shifted. He was the only one who caught your undivided attention, whether you were focused on something in the lab or not. He could walk in the room and your whole world would be black except this light that surrounded him. That being said, you guys were far from being anything official. It was just a few one-night stands, and in-depth conversations here and there.
A new mission had come to a head, which included Sam, Sharon, and Bucky attempting to override some of Hydra’s files to unearth any new leads into where or what Hydra wanted. You on the other hand were stuck in the office, attempting to help Tony upgrade his Ironman suit with some new perks, I guess being his assistant is a perk in itself though. But your mind was everywhere but focused on Tony and what he needed. Buck was leaving on this mission tonight, and you had every intention of telling him how you felt before then but didn’t know how.
The doors opened to the lab, the eerie silence was filled with a familiar voice, “Hey we are getting ready to take off….”
The voice was hesitant, but you knew it belonged to Bucky. He was the only one who made your heart skip a beat or cause the eruption of butterflies in your stomach.
You took a deep breath before turning to him, a fake smile plastered on your cheeks, “Oh okay- be careful?”
He shot you his signature smirk before making his way over to your desk, you couldn’t help yourself from chewing on the inside of your cheek- one of your worse nervous ticks.
“I’ll be careful…. I’m always careful.” he said as he stood in front of you, hands stuffed deep into his pockets. You couldn’t help but give him a real smile as you stepped towards him, engulfing him in your arms. His beard tickled your cheeks as you hid you face in the crook of his neck, taking in his cologne that made you feel at home.
His grip loosened before he stepped back, placing a swift, soft kiss to your forehead. The gesture only causing a blush to erupt on your cheeks, and a soft smile to remain more than present.
He smiled down at your short stature before turning away from you, your smile slowly turned to a frown… you hated to see him walking away from you, like you were nothing to him.
But the question was…. Do you tell him how you feel? Or do you just let it go, and hope to god that the feelings stop growing…
“Buck?” You said, your eyes widening at your shaky voice. The concerned look he gave you was making your insides turn at what words were about to escape past your lips.
“Yes?” He questioned, as you didn’t say anything more. The words you wanted to say found themselves stuck in your throat, unable to tell this handsome man what you were truly feeling.
You took a deep breath, opening your mouth to spill your undying love for James Buchanan Barnes, when she came in…
There was Sharon, in all her glory. The most beautiful girl in the room, the one who always got any man she wanted, and the one who had all her sights set on Bucky.
“I’m sorry but we have to go” She said, a hint of annoyance in her voice as she watched you push up your oversized glasses, as your twirled you rings around your finger unconsciously. You were nothing to her, and the look on her face only confirmed that.
Bucky looked back at you, the nervousness was apparent on your face, “Go…” you murmured, not being able to spare him another look. You knew that you would never be enough for him, so why even try to fool yourself?
A smirk appeared on Sharon’s face as she turned hot on her heel, Bucky following behind but not before sparing you another look. He will never forget the look of heartbreak that crossed your features when Sharon came in to get him, to take him away from you.
The minute the door to the lab closed, the eerie silence overtook you once again. You turned towards your desk; a deep breath escaped you as your started throwing your work off your desk. Paper flying through the air, pens hitting the floor in a clatter. The noise was so overwhelming that you missed the sliding door opening again, the anger in the room could be cut with a knife.
“Sooooo are you going to clean up your mess?” Tony said from behind you, terror crossed your features as you turned to face him.
“I-I-I-iiii” You tried to find the words, to apologize, to try and make what you had just done better. But Tony cut you off, sending you a soft smile.
“I’m assuming… that uh you didn’t tell Bucky how you are feeling?” He said, taking a seat at the desk next to yours, trying to read your reaction to what he was saying.
“Me and Buck? No-no- “You started, only causing a bout of laughter to fall from Tony’s lips. Your eyes wide as you watched him fall apart in front of you, his laughter cutting through the anger you were radiating.
“Oh don’t even. We both know how you feel, and I know that he feels the same about you” He said, reaching out to grab your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. His gesture bringing tears to your tired eyes, it was the first time that you felt that someone understood how you were feeling.
“How I’m feeling is alone. This man is doing things to me that I have never felt, and never thought I would get to feel. I was always the nerd in school, with no friends or anyone to love me. And now- now I have this man who I love, a man I have given my everything to, but I can’t even tell him the words. I can’t even tell him how much I want to spend the rest of my life dealing with his bipolar ass.” The words finally flowing out of you, finally confessing to someone how I felt about Bucky.
You wiped your cheeks, the tears continuing to dampen them. Tony just reached out, taking you into his arms. He knew how you were feeling, you knew that you wanted nothing more than to be loved and not worry about the future.
You couldn’t help the sob that escaped you as you clung to your boss, tears continuing to flow.
“How about you go home? I can text you when they get back…. I think you just need some time to think, you know?” Tony said, placing a soft kiss to the back of your head.
“Thanks Tony… and I’m sorry for the mess….” You said, pulling away from him and shooting him a soft smile.
Carefully you grabbed your things, heading out to your room. The sound of your shoes clicking on the floor, echoing in the silent hallway. The silence only following you once you step into your dark room.
A deep sigh escaped you as you laid back on your bed, your head swarming with scenarios about Buck and if you had told him how you were feeling. To explain the deep love, you felt for him.
Sitting back up, you began to strip yourself of your work clothes. The heavy denim of your jeans hit the floor with a thud, and your thin black tee fell right beside it. Ruffling through your drawers you came across a shirt that belonged to Bucky.
It was from a night, not long ago when he came over late at night for some comforting after a mission. A smile appeared across your cheeks as you shrugged the shirt over your tired body, it barely covered your black panties.
A tired smile appeared on your face once again as you made your way to your empty bed. The coldness of your sheets feeling good against your achy, tired body. Sleep quickly overtook your sense, and your dreams were filled with the what ifs of your life if Bucky was yours.
*BANG, BANG, BANG*
You were drawn from your vivid sleep by several hard knocks at your door. Quickly you rushed over, opening the door swiftly.
There was Bucky…
His lip was split open, a bruise was developing on his cheek but overall, he seemed none too harmed. The light from the hallway showing off his bruised and tattered body.
“I-uh-uh I… I just needed to see you.” he finally choked out, you stepped aside leaving room for him to slip by you in the darkness of your room.
“Okay?” You said, tiredness still clouding your senses.
“I-uh this…. This mission was just really hard, and I know you wanted to tell me something before I left and it was all that I could focus on” he said, you knew that he was embarrassed by what he was saying. He never felt like this before and it was clear by his stuttering.
The Winter Solider was standing in your room, at god only knows what time because he couldn’t stop thinking about something you wanted to tell him.
You ran your hand through your hair, eyeing his figure in the darkness. You stepped towards his, brushing his tattered hair out of his face, making his deep eyes more noticeable.
“You really want to know?” You said, the flirtatious tone flowing out of your mouth, you could see him take a deep breath before nodding at you.
“Well, I was going to tell you that-uh I’m uh in love with you” You stuttered, blush crawling up onto your cheeks. You were nervous about what he was going to say, you knew he never felt that way about anyone.
“You don’t have to say anything” You said quickly, seeing his face change as he processed your words.
You loved him.
Opening your mouth again, wanting to speak more about how you were feeling. The idea that you had ruined your chances with him forever, that he was going to walk away, and you would never see him again.
But your thoughts were hushed when he rushed forward swiftly taking your lips in his. You couldn’t help the shocked moan that fell past your lips as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling at his tangled hair.
He growled as you pulled hard at his hair, carefully he slipped his hands under your thighs before picking you up. Pulling your body close to his, your nipples only hardening against your shirt.
You pulled your lips away from his, carefully pressing small kisses to his neck causing a guttural moan to escape from his throat.
You felt your back fall onto your cold sheets, a moan falling from your lips as Bucky found your sweet spot on your neck that was ever so hidden. You could feel a bruise forming under your jaw from his excessive suckling.
Moans continued to fall from your lips as you reached down to pull at his shirt, pulling the torn material over his head, revealing more bruising and blood dried cuts. Your cold fingers ran across his chest as he watched you carefully.
You caught his eyes, smiling up at him. He was concentrating on your face, the way your face lit up when you saw him.
His thumbs brushed up against your hips, slowly lifting his shirt off your body. The cold air rushing to your hard nipples, sending a chill through your body, which only made Buck chuckle under his breath.
Your shirt went over your head, and almost immediately Bucky took your hard nipple in his mouth, sending a chorus of moans to fall from your lips.
“Buck” you moaned, gently taking his hair in your hand, and pulling slightly.
Rubbing your cunt against his crotch, only causing you to leak more wetness than you already were. Your motions caused a guttural moan to escape from Buck.
He pulled back from your nipples, taking in the moaning mess that you had become under him. He wrapped his fingers around your panties, before ripping them clean off your body.
You gasped at his action, before quickly sitting up and beginning to mess with his pants. You fumbled with the button and zipper before stripping off his pants. His cock was straining against the confines of his boxers, with a stain of precum beginning to appear.
Biting your lip, you lowered his boxers down his legs and letting them pool at him feet.
You took his length in your small hands, but he stopped you. His eyes met yours before he started to speak.
“This is all about you doll.” He spoke in a low tone before pushing you back onto the bed.
You felt his cock at your entrance, brushing against your clit which only sent chills of pleasure through your body.
The feeling of your being stretched as he entered you with his length sent a loud moan to escape from you. Causing your eyes to roll back as you grabbed onto him, bringing him closer.
He waited for a moment, giving you a moment to adjust to him.
You nodded at him, giving him the silent signal to move.
The pleasure began to overtake your senses, causing your eyes to roll back into your head. You could hear the wet sounds of your pussy as he pushed his cock deep inside of you, stretching your walls more and more.
Guttural moans feel past Bucky’s lips, which only sent your over the edge. Your orgasm quickly fell over you as he continued to hit your sensitive spot.
“Oh-uh-ooohhh Buck” You moaned, as your back arched from the overwhelming orgasm.
He threw his head back as your cunt pulsated around his cock, he was on the edge and he knew it.
His speed began to quicken as your cunt still was pulsating from your mind-blowing orgasm, your eyes continued to roll back into your head from the pleasure that was overtaking you.
Your cunt was leaking up a storm as he continued to fuck you hard, before he wrapped a hand around your throat. The action only making your eyes go wide, he never did that.
“Buck” You whimpered to him, as his grip tightened on your throat.
“You’re gonna take it all doll.” He moaned, his metal hand coming into contact with your clit. He quickly began rubbing circles, which drove you into a moaning mess as your cunt began to tighten around him again.
“Buck…. Buck…. I’m gonna-” You began before getting cut off by a moan.
“I’m right behind you” he moaned in your ear as you pulsated around him, scratching at his back with the overwhelming amount of pleasure.
He rutted his hips against yours as he spilled his hot seed into you, causing a small moan to pass your lips as your felt the heat in your core.
“In case you didn’t know- I love you too” He murmured against your ear, causing a huge smile to appear across your features.
In that moment, you knew… Bucky Barnes was yours and only yours….. He was your home.
A/N: In which we realize Bucky is an idiot, but a cute one, a truly dangerous combination. Hope you enjoy.
Pairing: ex!Bucky Barnes x reader, friend!Steve Rogers x reader
Warnings: mentions of drug use, alcohol abuse, etc., stupid, cute Bucky. Yes, it deserves a warning.
Word Count:
A few hours later, you wake up, stretching your arms above your head. You open your eyes to find them swollen and painful. You remember your breakdown earlier and groan, closing your eyes, rolling onto your side. You vaguely wonder where Bucky is, your bed empty, but when you open them, you see a different super soldier looking at you with a smile.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Steve says with a chuckle. You grunt, closing your eyes again. He laughs at your response. After a few minutes, you stretch again, dragging yourself into a sitting position.
“I think it’s afternoon,” you say, and Steve chuckles again.
“Have a nice nap?” he asks.
“Not really.”
“You sound like Buck,” he says and looks at you. “Sorry I haven’t been around much since you got here, Y/N. Fury has me doing some recon and I’ve been in and out with Sam.”
“I get it. There’s still a world to save out there.”
“Now more than ever, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah… I’ll just be glad to get out of this bed.”
“I bet. That’s actually what I came to talk with you about.” You look up at him and he’s studying you carefully. “Bruce says he thinks you’re ready to leave the med bay, at least that you don’t need constant monitoring.”
“That’s what Dr. Raynor said earlier,” you say with a nod.
“How do you feel about that?”
“You sound like Dr. Raynor,” you say, rolling your eyes. “I mean, I’ll be glad to leave. This bed sucks.” Steve smiles at your response.
“So, we uh… we talked about it, and we all think it’s best if you stay at the Tower. At least for a little while.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“That’s it? I expected more push back.”
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Steve furrows his brow at your comment. “Even if I left, you’d come find me and drag me back. Why bother?” You lean back again, your head on your pillow.
“We’re just trying to do what is best for you, Y/N.”
“Is that why you forced Vivitrol on me, Steve? When I wasn’t even awake to consent to it?”
“Exactly, Y/N. You weren’t awake. You were in a coma because you overdosed, Y/N. I did what I thought was best.”
“And Cap always knows best,” you mumble.
“That’s not fair, Y/N.”
“Life’s not fair, Steve,” you snap, but your anger quickly disappears.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through, Y/N. I can’t even pretend to understand. But I just buried one friend. I am not going to bury you too. I am not going to…” He looks down at his hands. “I am not going to lose you again.” You swallow down the lump in your throat.
“I’m sorry I put you through all of this, Steve.” It’s your turn to look at your own hands, your fingers threading and unthreading through each other.
“And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” You look up at him and his eyes ring with sincerity.
“You tried to be. That’s on me. How many voicemails do you think you left me? Probably 1000,” you said with a smile. He laughs at that.
“Probably more like 10,000. I am sure you got tired of hearing my voice.”
“Never,” you say with a smile.
“So, we have your old apartment ready for you. Bruce still wants you to come check in daily, to monitor your heart. He just wants to make sure there’s no long-term effects.” You nod, listening. “There’s going to be some ground rules, Y/N. We can’t do this again. You can’t do this again. No alcohol, at least for now. Bucky, Sam and I all agreed to keep it out of the Tower so it’s not even here to tempt.”
“You don’t have to do that, you know. I’m a big girl.”
“A big girl with some impulse control issues,” he says with a smile. You stick your tongue out at him, and he laughs. “Just for now. It’s probably better for all of us anyways.” You nod. “You’re not going to be alone for a while, Y/N. One of us is always going to be around.” You roll your eyes.
“Is that really necessary?” you ask.
“For now, yes. I can’t lose you, Y/N. I can’t do it and I know it would kill Buck too. We’re your team, and for now, we’re all in this together.”
“That was very cheesy, Captain.” It’s his turn to roll his eyes with a chuckle.
“You’re like a little sister to me, Y/N. I’m here for you. Always.” Steve’s words ring with sincerity, typical Steve Rogers. You hear someone knock on the doorframe, and you look up to see Bucky leaning against the door.
“Am I interrupting something?” he asks, a smirk on his face.
“Nope. I think Steve was going to confess his undying love, though. You might want to stick around.” You watch as a blush spreads across his cheeks and chuckle. You look back over at Steve, who is now standing beside your bed. You smile at him. He leans down to kiss your forehead. You close your eyes at the contact. He pulls away and brushes your hair out of your face.
“I’ll be back later.” You nod, and watch as he walks out the door, pausing to whisper something to Bucky before leaving. Bucky nods solemnly before walking around the bed, scooting his chair so his knees are, once again, pushing against the edge of it.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, his voice sincere.
“Fine,” you say with a chuckle. It wasn’t until it was pointed out that you realized you do say it a lot, even when you aren’t fine. Bucky chuckles as well.
“Well, I… uh… I wanted to talk to you, about some of the stuff you mentioned earlier.”
“We really don’t have to, Bucky.”
“I want to. I feel like I need to say this.” You nod, knowing the feeling of needing to say something. Needing it out. He clears his throat before beginning.
“I… uh, when Steve got me out, I didn’t think I was worth it. I did so much damage… There was no way I could ever do enough good to tip the scales in my favor. I knew it was going to be hard to convince everyone I was worth it, but you, uh, the first time I met you, you never looked at me like that. When Steve told me about you, about your goodness, I couldn’t imagine why you’d ever side with me. You went against Tony, the only father you’d ever known, to protect me. And I, uh, I knew I wasn’t worth that.”
“But you were, Bucky. You didn’t do any of that stuff. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that now, but you sided with me over Tony and I, uh, that meant something to me.” His words echo your own from earlier that day. He looks over at you. “I don’t think you realized that you became important to me, and I wasn’t even sure why. After we came back to the compound, and after I got to know you better, you became my whole world. My whole world revolved around you.” You watch his eyes fill with tears. “The day I realized something was wrong, that you were too edgy, too… I don’t know. You’d sneak off to your room and I knew something was wrong. That day was one of the scariest of my life because I didn’t know how to help you.” A tear slips out and runs down his cheek.
“When you shook in my arms, telling me that you needed help, I knew I couldn’t walk away. You were it for me. This was it for me. If I had to hold your hair back and hold you through the withdrawals every day for the rest of forever, I’d do it because it meant I could be with you.” You feel a tear sleep down your own cheek. “And then you got better, and the first time I saw you smile sober, the first time you laughed, it was like I could see the sun for the first time. And even then, you chose me. You chose me completely sober, and that meant something to me.”
“The closer we got, the more I fell until it felt like a freefall. I was terrified that I’d hurt you. I was terrified that I would break your heart and we’d end up… well, we’d end up here. So I never told you. We were friends and I knew that was going to have to be enough. I’d suffer for the rest of forever if it meant I’d have you in my life, even if just as friends.”
“But it wasn’t your job to keep my heart safe, Bucky.” Your words are barely above a whisper.
“Isn’t that love, though? Putting your happiness over my own?” Quiet settles over the room. After a few moments, Bucky continues. “When you introduced me to Sarah, she was nice. She’s like you, in some ways. Not in the important ways, but she was enough. She wanted to be around me and in my twisted up in knots brain, I thought she was my ticket to keeping you around. Your two best friends dating would have to be a good thing.” You close your eyes. You hadn’t thought of it that way.
“And I know now that it was stupid. I should have at least told you. But I was afraid that you’d leave…” He lets out a sad laugh. “So, I tried to distract myself. Distract myself from you with her. And it worked, for a little while. When we talked about it, you told me you were happy for me. That you wanted me to be happy and I wanted to scream that you’d make me happy, but I knew that would be selfish. And then you left. You didn’t even say goodbye. I just got up one day and your room was empty… Steve told me you left. That you didn’t want to see anyone for a while. And I always kind of thought you’d come home. That you’d come back to me…” You look up find him watching you closely.
“It broke me.” The words hang in the air for a minute, dread and guilt steeping into your stomach. You look down at your hands.
“Then, I, uh… She wasn’t you. I spent some time in cryo in Wakanda and they helped me to, uh, they got rid of the code words. And then Steve showed up. I expected you to be with him. He hadn’t heard from you, though, and I fought like hell because I wanted this world to be better for you, wherever you were. I wanted you to be happy.”
“Buck…” you whisper, but he continues.
“When I woke up and found out it had been 5 years, my first thought was of you. I almost showed up at your apartment. I found you and Steve talked me out of it. I wish now that I did. I wish I could have stopped it…”
“It’s not your fault, Buck. Not totally, anyways. It was always my choice.”
“You keep saying that, but it was, my fault I mean. I made stupid choices when your heart hung in the balance.” You can’t argue with him. He was stupid, but you know now that it hurt him too.
“When you walked it to Tony’s house, it was like the world stopped spinning, or it started again after being stopped for years. And then I saw it. Your shaking, your sunglasses, your stumble, and I knew. It was like before, and I was just as scared as last time. I moved my eyes off of you for 1 minute, and then you were gone. And if I had just watched you walk away… if I had just stopped you…”
“Hey, it’s not your fault, Bucky. It’s really not. I was… uh… I was overwhelmed by a lot of things. Tony was gone and I didn’t even get to say goodbye because I was too high to come visit. Honestly, that day, you were one of the furthest things from my mind.” He lets out a sad chuckle, but continues to look at his hands. “Hey,” you say, grabbing his flesh hand in your own. “I’m okay. I’m here because of you.”
“And Steve,” he mumbles.
“My boys have always had my back,” you say with a smile. He gives you a half-hearted smile. “And don’t tell Steve, but you’re my favorite.” You wink at him and Bucky laughs.
“I missed this,” he whispers, squeezing your hand with his own.
A/N: 2 days in a row? It’s like a record or something. I am a little obsessed with Bucky right now. Can you tell? Here’s more Bucky fluff for you. Hope you enjoy!
Warnings: None? Fluff? It’s fluff.
Word Count: 790 words
“Hey Y/N? Come here?” you hear from the other room. You roll your eyes. You left Bucky trying to figure something out on his phone, and you are sure that he needs help with something. You chuckle to yourself as you roll out of bed, putting your book face down on the bed to mark your page. You pad across the hardwood floor and into the living room, only to be met with candles on every flat surface in the room. And standing, in the middle of them, is Bucky, beautiful as ever in his tight red t-shirt, the one he knows you love.
“What’s going on?” you ask, a smile dancing on your lips. He smiles back and motions you toward him. You do as he asks, moving toward him.
“Dance with me?” he asks, a huge smile on his face. You nod, before Bucky clicks something on his phone. Yours by Russell Dickerson starts playing over the Bluetooth speaker in the living room. You’re not even sure how he figured out connecting his phone to it.
He snakes his hands around your waist, and you put yours up around his neck as the music starts playing through the room. You start swaying from side to side, your cheek against his chest.
“I was a boat stuck in a bottle, that never got the chance to touch the sea. Just forgot on the shelf. No wind in my sails, goin’ nowhere with no one but me.” Bucky starts singing with the music. You pull away from him to watch his singing, a rare occurrence.
“I came to life when I first kissed you. The best me has his arms around you. You make me better than I was before. Thank God I’m yours.” Bucky looks into your eyes, singing each word from the heart. You feel tears prickling your eyes.
“I was a worn out set of shoes, wanderin’ the city street. Another face in the crowd, head looking down, lost in the sound of a lonely melody.” You pull him back toward you, resting your head on his chest again, listening to his voice rumble through his chest. You feel tears running down your face as you continue listening.
“Thank God I’m yours,” he finishes with the song. You glance back up to him. He kisses your forehead before letting go of your waist. You whimper at the lack of contact, but you watch as he gets down on one knee.
“Y/N, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t-“ Bucky is interrupted by the music playing loudly again. You stifle a laugh as Bucky fumbles to get his phone out of his pocket and, with a huff, pauses the music. He groans as he does.
“Well, that sort of ruined the moment,” he says, glancing up at me with sad eyes. You try to force the grin off your face, but you can’t.
“No, it didn’t Buck. It’s perfect.” You kneel down in front of him. “You’re perfect.” You lean forward to kiss him. “Now, start over.” You nod and stand back up, tears streaming down your face again as you realize what is about to happen. Bucky smiles up at you, holding both your hands in his own.
“Y/N, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t imagine my life without you. You changed everything for me and I want to spend every minute of the rest of my life with you. So, will you marry me?” Bucky stares up at you with wide eyes.
“Yes!” you all but yell and lean down to kiss him. He deepens the kiss almost immediately and you can’t help but laugh against his lips. He pulls away, wrapping you in a hug. He stands, lifting you up with him, spinning you both around. You laugh through your tears. He sets you down and digs in his pocket for a moment before showing you a beautiful ring, intricate silver vines with green stones winding together to a diamond in the center.
“It was my mother’s,” he says quietly. “If you don’t like it, we can pick out-“ It’s your turn to interrupt him.
“No, Buck, it’s perfect.” The smile on your face is so wide it’s starting to hurt and you stand on tiptoes, kissing him sweetly again. He smiles as you pull away and you hold out your left hand. The ring slips on perfectly, as if it was made for you.
“I’m yours,” you whisper with a smile, looking up at Bucky. He leans in, kissing you again.
18 months later, Yours by Russell Dickerson plays out as you and Bucky dance for the first time as husband and wife.
A/N: Hey friends. It’s been… a long time. I am feeling a little more inspired and, while not promising anything, plan to post a bit more often… maybe. No promises.
here’s some Bucky x reader fluff for your reading pleasure.
Warnings: Minor spoilers for TFATWS, fluff.
Standing in front of the premade cakes at the grocery store, you wish nothing more than to have time to make your own. There are the traditional flavors, vanilla and chocolate, with a variety of frostings, but none are quite right. Not to mention that store bought frosting is nasty.
“What are you thinking? Chocolate? Kids love chocolate,” Bucky says standing next to you, glaring at the cakes about as hard as you are, though you are sure that he is just trying to impress Sam and his family.
“Kids do love chocolate,” you say, nodding. Bucky grunts in agreement next to you, not looking away from the cakes.
“Do we do the cookies and cream cake?” you look over at him, and his brows are furrowed.
“Buck?”
“Hmm?” he says, not looking away from the cakes.
“Hey, James, look at me.” Calling him by his name usually gets him to do as you ask, and he looks at you.
“Anything you bring is going to be perfect.” His eyes soften, and he nods. You grab his gloved, nonmetal hand in your own, and give it a squeeze. He smiles at you, before turning back to the case, his hand still in your own. You chuckle.
“Here.” You open the case doors and grab the cookies and cream cake, placing it in his other hand. “Now can we go before the party is over?” His laugh fills the bakery of the supermarket.
“Come on, doll. Let’s go,” he says, walking beside you toward the checkout stands.
After he opens your car door and hands you the cake, he jogs around the car to his door, and you realize your hands are shaking. You try to hold the cake tighter, but it doesn’t do much.
“What’s wrong, doll?” Bucky moves to hold your hand with his own. You give him a sad smile.
“What if they don’t like me?” Bucky’s laughter fills the car again.
When you first met Bucky, he was the mysterious stranger who showed up one day, eating at the restaurant you waitressed at. He was there almost every meal, it seemed. He eventually started eating with old Mr. Nakajima, and then started getting more friendly with the rest of the staff. You found out his name was Bucky, and, after a few months, he finally asked you on a date.
You were nervous, but you could tell he was as well and that made it a little easier. Soon, though, he had me laughing and that was it for you. Over the next few weeks and months, you got to know each other better. Bucky told you about the Avengers, and Steve. He told you about his time as the Winter Soldier and about Sam. Dates turned into spending the night at your apartment, which turned into him spending every minute with you that he wasn’t off fighting bad guys. You worried and missed him when he was gone, but he was worth it.
“You are worried that they won’t like you, when they accepted me, murder and metal arm and all?” His smile fell when he realized that you were really worried about it. “Hey, look at me.” You do as he asks. “They’re going to love you. Just like I do.” You smile, but you are still nervous. Bucky holds your hand tightly, before driving out of the parking lot and onto the country road that connected to the harbor where Sam and his family call home.
“You ready?” Bucky had parked the car a few moments before and the two of you sat in the quiet before he turned to you. “It’ll be okay.” You smile, nod, and hand him the cake. He smiles widely. As usual, his smile is contagious and you begin to feel a little more relaxed.
“Let’s do this, doll,” he says as he opens his door. He jogs around the car, holding the cake with his metal arm and opening your door with his other. He holds his hand out to you, helping you out of the car and not letting go when you begin walking toward the docks.
“Bucky!” two young boys call, running toward us. Bucky lets your hand go and runs toward the boys, who pretend to punch Bucky. He laughs, dodging the boys easily, keeping the cake upright and safe all the way. You laugh as you watch the boys, the smile on Bucky’s face filling you with happiness of your own. You follow behind, trying not to feel too awkward.
Bucky places the cake on the table and turns to grab you around the waist. He spins you around with him, picking you up easily. You laugh before Bucky places you back on the ground.
“Sam!” he calls, grabbing your hand and dragging you along behind him. Sam looks over at you with a smile.
“Hey man,” he says, and the pair hug with one hand, Bucky still grasping your hand tightly.
“This is Y/N,” Bucky says, gesturing to you.
“Hello, Y/N. It’s nice to finally meet you. This guy basically never shuts up about you.” Bucky scoffs beside you.
“If you had a girl like her, you wouldn’t shut up either.” You blush beside Bucky.
“It’s nice to meet you as well,” you say, smiling at Sam.
After a few hours, Sam’s family seems like your own. You were welcomed with open arms. You are sitting in between Bucky, who has his arm around you, and Sam’s sister, Sarah, who you connected with almost immediately. The single mom was doing so much, and it amazed you. Sam is sitting on the other side of her.
“I’ve never seen this pain in the butt so happy,” Sam says with a smile on his face. You smile, glancing up at Bucky’s face.
“He makes me happy too. I can’t imagine my life without him.” And you know then that he’s your lifelong person. This metal-armed ex-assassin swooped in and changed everything, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
If Only I Could Get To You First (Bucky Barnes One Shot)
Summary: Bucky Barnes and you have been best-friends, but unknowing to the other you both are also in love with the other. Though everyone else seems to know.
Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Fem!Reader
Warnings: Modern AU, swearing, past domestic abuse (non descriptive), mutual pining, fake dating, confessions, best friends, angst, fluff, i just want to squish bucky into a hug, brock rumlow is a dick head, hurt/comfort, love confessions, crying, loving from afar
In the list of bad ideas your best friend compelled you into, only two ever worked out in your favour.
One was sneaking into your first high school party, you’d had your first kiss.
The second was when she pushed you onto the dance floor at the frat house’s halloween party and you bumped into the warlock.
“Woah, easy there.” He’d caught you with a charming grin and his blue eyes. Your lungs would not breathe till he would tell you too.
“Are you alright?” Those blue eyes to a once over, checking for any sign of injury.
“I’m—I’m so sorry, I lost my footing.” You look to the side to glare at your best friend but she is luckily not in your line of vision.
“Woah, doll, who is on the receiving end of that glare?” He wonders loudly over the music which somehow doesn’t bother you.
“My best friend pushed me.” You explain, sighing.
“We could work on a hex.” He offers, you let out a laugh, he’d interpreted your last minute outfit well enough, deep red turtle neck and skirt with a borrowed blonde wig.
“You’re the first person to know who am I.” You smile, he bows.
“The others are beneath our intellect. Do you want to move to the side?”
You nod, his hand finds yours and the night floats away.
“James Barnes, warlock for tonight. What is your name Sabrina Spellman?” He offers his name and then you give him yours.
Conversation flows on, in the little nook of the house.
Movies, TV Shows, a heavy argument about Professor Snape and Dumbledore and then academic choices.
Time went on numbers exchanged, as were memes.
Coffee tumblers refilled over hours every Wednesday.
Movie marathons, study dates, celebrating A pluses and even the occasional C minus.
Pranking his very unhygienic third roommate by placing cups of detergent all over his room and a few cups of water.
————————————————–
You had known his close friends called him Bucky, it was never defined across the months of your blooming friendship if you could call him that name.
Bucky wondered why you hadn’t yet, maybe you did not consider him as close as he presumed. He had no inclination to ask out of fear to ruin the friendship he found within you.
it changed one night, at three a.m. your phone vibrated near your head, you were still dressed in the day’s clothes. Work had been terrible, so you deserved a night off of regular activities.
Reaching for the angrily vibrating device your bleary vision widens, you pick up the call.
“James? Is everything okay?”
“Could I come over?” Is all he asked, sounding broken.
You answered with an instant yes, quickly changing into a jumper and a hoodie. waiting for him in the living room.
His knocks sounded hesitant, almost as if he were reconsidering his choices.
You’re greeted by a heartbreaking sight.
James Barnes, with his hair a tousled mess, eyes puffy and red. Your heart seizes with worry.
“Natalie and I broke it off. I well, Sam saw her out with Zemo. She did not even deny it. How could she do this to me, Firefly?” He even sounds broken, as your nickname falls from his lips.
He lets you pull him into your warm embrace, his arms wrapping around you, pulling your body close into his. He sighs deeply as he finds comfort.
The tears do brim anew, his shoulders shake.
“Bucky,” You hesitate, a hand stroking the back of his head. You guide him to the couch, retrieving your stash of ice cream and running back to him.
He gives a half hearted smile seeing the flavour, a shared favourite.
You give your own beaming grin of encouragement.
“Here is your mission choose you accept it.” You hand him a spoon. He chuckles slightly.
“To finish this entire pint of ice cream with me.”
The ice cream doesn’t stand a chance.
————————————————–
Bucky has good days and bad ones for three months after the break up, the timing awful between midterms and assignments but they served distraction.
To celebrate the end of the torturous examinations you both make your way around New York City. In search of 1 am pizza.
“How are you?” You know it is a question she could dodge but the way he seemed to carry himself slowly coming into his own had given you hope.
Bucky only stiffens for a moment at the question, progress you deem.
“Honestly I feel it was a good thing.” He takes a bite; the cheese pulls and he grins in approval. You take a picture of him as he makes a silly face, both laughing now.
“I might not date for a while but I know I will eventually.” He informs of the decision.
“That is good.” You pat his back, taking your own bite as he in turn takes a picture of you pulling a silly face.
Slowly your phone memory is filled with several outings with your now extended group of friends, and several more with Bucky. He returns back to himself after a few months more, after a few okay-ish dates and he finds himself seeking your company.
He grabs a bouquet of your favourite flowers, his legs need no guidance to the familiar path of your home. Bucky stands near the entrance as the doorman, Percy smiles at him with kind eyes.
“She’s gone out.” Percy tells him, therefore Bucky waits, leaning against the wall phone in his hand scrolling through the fresh batch of micro sized comedy he could send to you.
Familiar sounding laughter pulls him in, your bright face greets his view, then your fingers curl around an arm. He follows the touching limbs to see the face of Rumlow.
You seemed so radiant around the man. Bucky clutches the bouquet tighter as though in an attempt to ground himself or stop his heart from breaking before it could even be given to you.
Rumlow turns you before you can leave his embrace to go to your apartment. Your laughter carries through to Bucky. He watches, lips pressed into a thin line.
Rumlow pulls you close, whispering something your ear, you bite your lip nodding.
Bucky could hear his heart cracking over the noise around him, as your lips are upon that man’s own. He turns, walking away still clutching the bouquet.
Bucky Barnes and you — best friends through college. Maybe that shouldn’t change.
Bucky nods to himself, his feelings probably arose because of the time spent together and your friendship growing deeper. So he tucks this little crush upon you away, and decides that best friends is what you both are meant to be.
————————————————–
Seven months after graduation, Natasha nurses your busted lip. Vodka on the table is also for drinking she tells you. It soothes the ache from your broken heart and lip.
Your phone still unresponsive from the one person you need. How many texts does it take for a best friend to respond?
“I could call him.” Natasha offers as you shake your head.
“I, my texts should be enough, I left him calls as well.” You explain, “Could, could you ask Steve where is he?”
Natasha studies your face, she knows you’re hurt over Bucky not responding. Brock Rumlow was the furthest thing from your mind and heart.
“I will,” She promises and your phone rings, your best friend’s face flashing across the screen.
You take the call knowing the odd time difference between the two of you had her more on edge.
“Hey,” You greet.
“Don’t hey me, did you report him?” She all but yells.
“I don’t want to associate any further—,”
“Bullshit, you absolutely should report that piece of shit unless Barnes has murdered him already, so you cannot call the cops cause then he will be in jail.” She cuts you off.
“I don’t think he knows yet.” You admit, Natasha looks at you, quietly speaking to Steve and updating him about what occurred.
“What do you mean? Is he okay? Because Barnes would not let that asshat breathe. Hell I’m taking the next plane out of Melbourne.” Her nails on the keyboard resound.
“No, no, don’t! Just, okay, look Nat patched me up and she also said vodka’s good for the pain as well so I’m fine and he’s, he’s probably busy…” You defend Bucky, once again.
“Babe, he has been busy awful lot since he started dating that bimbo bitch.” She clicks her tongue, annoyed at the man.
“Look can we just, drop the whole thing, I, I think I need to sleep, and you need to get to work.” You remind her.
“Just leave me messages through the day alright and no memes or links coherent language only.” She warns you.
“Yes alright coherent language only.” You promise.
Nat comes by with a plate of food, placing it in front with a fork. You stare at the pasta for a minute.
“I called Steve, he got through, Bucky is out with her…” She trails off.
“Oh, did Steve say anything?” You hesitate to ask, Nat shakes her head.
“He knows you wouldn’t like her to know so he just made sure Bucky would check his messages.” She gnaws at her bottom lip struggling to say something.
“What?” You look at her.
“You should really report him, this wasn’t the first time was it?” She states you look down at your hands.
“No.” You close your eyes at the admission.
“How long have you kept things from us? From Bucky?” She places a gentle hand over your forearm.
“He, he was very particular, no where where anyone would know. Started two months ago. I tried breaking up after the first time but—,” Your vision blurs, the tears are harder to hold back.
“Do you want me to take pictures? I know we can file a case, or at least a restraining order…” Natasha tries to coax you to listen to her but you just shake you head.
“I can’t I don’t want more trouble, Nat. It’s over he’s gone. The fight was more about him shifting to L.A. and me not wanting to follow.”
“Are you in love with him still?”
“I never was, I just, I thought I could learn to love him and then he just tried to beat it into me…” You shudder in remembrance.
Natasha leaves the topic, knowing that it was difficult to walk away even let alone relive the ordeal.
It is four days later at the scheduled game night that you see Bucky, you don’t greet him.
He furrows his brow when you move away from the living room to the bathroom before he can take a good look at you.
“Where’s Rumlow?” He questions and the room turns silent.
“Did you not see her messages?” Steve crosses his arms.
“What messages?” Bucky retrieves his phone.
“Barnes, when did you last speak to her?” Nat questions then scoffs as Sharon wraps her arm around his wrist pushing the phone down.
“A few days ago, why?” He answers, running a hand along Sharon’s arm.
“Bucky.” She pouts.
“What is it baby?” He questions, being distracted from the conversation at hand by his girlfriend.
“Bucky you should go speak to Y/N.” Steve adds with a bit more seriousness.
“What happened, is she, is Firefly alright?” He looks up in worry.
“Ugh, she always wants your attention.” Sharon whispers loudly, “Does she not have her own boyfriend?”
“Don’t you have better things to do than cling to Bucky’s arm? Or is your default personality trait whiny girlfriend only?” Natasha uses the same tone as Sharon.
Sam covers up his laugh with a cough.
“Bucky.” Sharon whines again then moves away to go to the balcony sniffling and tears welling up.
“Crocodile tears.” Nat rolls her eyes.
“Nat.” Bucky gives an exasperated look, chasing behind Sharon to mend things.
“Steve, please let me punch him.” Nat pleads.
“You know she doesn’t want us to tell him, how has he not responded after the texts? We all got them.” Steve sighs taking another sip of his beer.
You return, wiping you eyes, for any stray tears or mascara.
“Whats got her in pain now?” You ask, a look of disdain taking over. You try not to stretch your lip as the sting from the cut still presents itself.
“Nat called her whiny.” Sam chuckles.
“Nat…” You sigh.
“What, it’s about time we call her out.” She shrugs.
“How are you holding up?” Sam questions, eyes on your busted lip.
“Eh, been better will be better soon I guess?” You shrug and wince as the pain in your shoulder blade presents itself.
“And now she’s making a face at me!” Sharon accuses you and then goes back to the balcony.
Bucky’s heavy sigh echoes through the room.
“Firefly, can you not? I know you all don’t like her much but I do okay? Christ some best friend you are,” Bucky turns back to once again console his girlfriend running a hand through his hair in frustration.
“Some best friend?” Your cold tone makes Bucky turn to face you, a quip ready on his exhausted tongue, he doesn’t get to speak because he finally takes in your appearance.
The bags under your eyes, the redness housed within them, the busted lip you have and the slight wince as you take a deep breath.
“I’m going to kill him.” Bucky connects the dots in his mind.
“No need, these were days ago, I needed you and you were not there James.” You accuse, tears brimming once more.
“I, Steve said to see my texts but I had none from you… Steve why did you not say anything?”
“You could have called me. You, I left you voicemails, crying sobbing, asking for you. For your help. You weren’t there. They didn’t say anything because I wanted to tell you but then again, your time and devotion is pre-booked. Let me know when a slot opens up, I can summarise the whole thing in two minutes, the least I can do as some best friend.” You sneer, walking towards the door in no mood to stay any longer.
Bucky mechanically follows you,
“Firefly, I—, I swear I don’t have any messages, I’m not lying!”
“You could have called!” You accuse.
“I was out—,” Bucky tries to grasp your hand.
“Like I said, I know you’re too busy, for me.” You press the call button several times more waiting for the elevator to come up faster.
“That is no excuse, I’m so sorry, I just, please stay, we can talk.” His hand reaches to grab your shoulder. A painful sound escapes you and you flinch away from him.
“Where else did he hurt you?” Bucky’s tone holds no emotion, you look up at his face, the stoic expression masks his feelings but the anger in his blue eyes is reaching its summit.
Your eyes shift to the elevator when it dings to signal the opening of the doors.
“You aren’t leaving.” Bucky informs you.
“I do not want to talk about this.” You tell him, feeling like your heart might break again.
“I do. I need to know what did he do, because he won’t be breathing after I’m done with him.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” Your eyes shift to Sharon who rolls her eyes at you, then puts on a pout when Bucky turns to look at her.
“Bucky,” “Not now Sharon.”
Bucky turns back, but you’re inside the elevator. He steps ahead to join you, the doors begin closing his fingertips just graze the border where the sensors would have the automatic doors reopen.
He’s pulled back by his arm by Sharon, you look down. Heart breaking again, that you can’t even be prioritised by your best friend. He won’t even fight for you.
Bucky catches the quiet sob that escapes past your lips at wrapping itself around his heart squeezing upon it.
“Do you have any semblance that someone else could have bigger problems that you?” Bucky looks at Sharon, taking his arm out of hers.
“Baby,” She begins her fake tears again.
“God, not with this again. Sharon, seriously please.” Bucky groans in frustration.
“You want to spend all your time with that stupid bitch.” She complains as Bucky turns to press the elevators if he is fast enough he can catch up to you.
“She’s my best friend. She needs me.” Bucky glares at Sharon.
“No, she does not she managed to find help elsewhere four days ago, she just wants your attention.”
“What the fuck did you say?” Natasha verbalises the question brewing within Bucky.
“I-, no I said nothing! Nothing!” The blonde stutters in defence.
“Oh I’m going to smack this fucking bitch—,” Nat is pulled back by Steve.
“Did you delete Firefly’s messages and voicemails?” Bucky’s voice is low and cold, almost similar to what yours was towards him.
“I—, no,” Sharon gulps audibly, sweat breaking across her forehead.
“You have one more chance, did you fucking delete messages my best friend left for me, at a time she needed me?” Bucky’s hands form fists. Sharon had kept asking to take pictures on his phone, then sending herself the ones she liked thats when she must have deleted all of your communication to him.
“Bucky, it’s always, Firefly this and Firefly that, what about me?” Sharon defends, trying to move close to Bucky.
The elevator dings, opening on the floor. Bucky crosses the threshold.
“I’m going to send the elevator back up, I want you out of my life. My house key can be dropped off here at Natasha’s, don’t you dare try to contact me or anyone. It is over.”
Sharon’s final plea falls on deaf ears as the doors are closed and Bucky lets out a heavy sigh. He brings out his phone trying to call you as he jogs through the crowd towards the nearest station, checking the watch he knows the next train leaves in ten minutes.
Bucky calls out your name through the station, his breathing erratic. You have your hood up, not wanting to be spotted by him.
You can hear his calls, the way your phone vibrates in your pocket a frantic echo of his own booming voice.
“I’m sorry, I really am so sorry, it is no excuse she deleted the messages, fuck, I should have called. I should have been the one there. I’m your best friend. I should have caught on earlier.” He tenderly cups your face between his hands, guilt seeping into his bones.
His thumbs wipe your tears, you don’t want to have a public meltdown.
“Come on let’s get you home, I think we still have time to grab ice cream from Mrs. Lorena’s store.” His warm hands leave your face, but the warmth returns on your hands as he intertwines them with his, you want to cry all over again.
Bucky takes charge of leading you through the night train, you both stand in favour of the elderly couple who need the seats. They look at the two of you warmly.
You feel small, your hand never leaving his, he stays close with almost a protective stance over you.
Bucky notes the change in your demeanour. How you’re hiding away, flinching at loud sounds.
It eats at him how these small things had inculcated themselves into you the past months you were with Rumlow. He didn’t care about the consequences, he will beat the shit out of that fucker.
Your mind races, back to the night you first went out with Rumlow. Somehow your mind kept comparing what he did to Bucky. As though your tall brunette best friend should be the standard of all men.
————————————————–
You weren’t going to call Rumlow back, realising that maybe the reason you were comparing him to Bucky was because you were in love with your best friend, your Bucky.
The conversation was going to be simple, carry a bouquet of his favourite flowers, a letter in your hand filled with your confession. Your nerves singed with each step towards his door.
You rang the bell, once, twice; then you heard the laughter and kisses. Your heart sunk, you scrambled to hide at the other end of the hallway.
Bucky came into view with Sharon, the business major. They make their way to his door, lips meeting ever so often, you feel each one deliver a crack to your heart.
Maybe, maybe you were meant to be best friends only. The door closes and you can hear their sounds, you move past the corridor and exit the building.
Nodding to yourself, Bucky Barnes and you best friends through college.
————————————————–
“Firefly?” Bucky waves a hand in front of you, you blink, looking around.
“Huh?” You speak before realising.
“I asked where is your key ring?” Bucky looks at you in worry.
“Oh um,” You fish around for the familiar keyring handing it to him.
Bucky opens the door at sets down the bag of groceries. How long did you space out for?
“So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it,” He brings out your favourite ice cream tub from the bag.
Your face breaks out into a grin, a laugh finally reverberating in your chest rather than sobs.
“Is it to eat this ice cream and talk to your idiot best friend.” Bucky holds up two spoons as an offer.
You grab one, then grab the tub and make a run for the living room couch.
“Oh no you don’t!” Bucky chases after you, you twist around the last minute your foot and his tangling with the fluffy carpet under the coffee table, you both land on the couch.
Bucky is above you as your foreheads collide and the tub of ice cream rolls onto the floor.
“Are you okay?” He questions, as you rub your forehead and his, the ache dies down slightly of the impact.
“Sort of,” You wince, then look at him.
The two of you lock gazes, heat blooms between you both. Red tinged cheeks.
Bucky had wondered how it would be, to hold you this close.
You had wondered how it would be, to have him in your arms.
Both of you break out of your thoughts and scramble to sit up. Ankles still caught in the carpet, you both slide down the couch, ending with your straddling his hips.
His hands move to your hips and yours wrap around his neck.
Bucky feels your warm breath fan across his face, how is it you fit so well against him, as though you belong next to him.
You feel his fingers gently squeeze your hips, how is it that your arms encircle him as though he belongs between them, next to you.
You feel something poke your thigh. Bucky’s eyes widen.
“Um, is is that…”
“No um, no,”
Bucky panics at your suggestion quickly moving you from his lap to beside him on the floor.
The spoons clatter to the floor between his legs.
The sigh that leaves from Bucky’s lips has you laugh, he joins in. Shoulders shaking and heads thrown back in mirth.
Your head on his shoulder and his resting on of top yours.
Laughter and giggles filling the apartment after months.
————————————————–
It is another month later when you all are at your weekly game night at Bucky and Steve’s place.
“Barnes, who are you taking to the wedding then?” Sam questions between shuffling the deck of Uno Cards.
“What wedding?” You curiously look up Bucky sighs, shoulders deflating.
“Maya is getting married, and insisted I bring someone along, and well they wanted to meet my girlfriend but I’ve broken up.” He explains, placing a chip in his mouth.
“So just tell them?” You quirk an eyebrow.
“You remember Maya right?” He looks at you with an incredulous gaze.
“And Mr. Barnes here hasn’t told her, he’s broken up. Wanted to show off the whiney girl.” Sam announces.
“Winnie Barnes would not approve.” Steve adds quietly and Bucky groans.
Nat gives you a look before looking down into her phone. You blink a few times not understanding what that look meant.
Your phone chimes, your eyebrows furrow at the message.
Best Friend: go as his fake date to the wedding, his family adores you.
Me: who even told you?
Best Friend: not important.
You look up with a glare at Natasha.
Best Friend: don’t glare at her. She’s an innocent baby.
Me: I’m not doing the fake date thing. Not with Bucky, it will be hard.
Best Friend: come on, he looks at you the same way.
Me:he doesn’t. and also bye. i’m not having this conversation again.
You place your phone back, looking up at the four of them staring at you.
“What?” You question, picking up your seven cards.
“Do you have any solution for Bucky?” Steve wonders, you look at Nat, she shrugs innocently.
You narrow your eyes at her.
“Let me think.” You bide your time. Bucky inhales deeply, seeing his own set of cards.
Your phone chimes again, you control the groan that whats to leave you.
Best Friend: listen, just trust me okay? When have I said something that turned to shit?
Me: its only twice your plans have not turned to shit.
Best Friend: ouch. this won’t turn to shit come on, help him out. I’ll ask Nat to let you win.
Me: as if I need to be let to win.
Best Friend: she has 4 draw fours.
Me: what the fuck?
You look up and Nat discreetly shows you proof.
“Say the word and you get them.” Nat whispers.
More encouragement comes through from your best friend.
“What if, Bucky, you take a fake date…” You clear your throat.
“Maya will catch on its a fake date and then it will be a mess, I just will fake a work thing.”
“What if I go? As your um fake date?” You offer, placing your cards face down near the space between you and Nat.
“Are you sure? I mean they may believe it…” Bucky trails off in thought.
“I mean, only if you’re comfortable… Just Maya will be upset if you don’t go at all and not having a date should not stop you—,”
“No, I think it should work, we know each other well enough to pretend to be in love.” Bucky grins.
You try not to wince, “Yup, yeah, won’t be hard to pretend.” You agree.
“Thank you, Firefly.” Bucky beams for the remainder of the game even as you beat his ass with your exchanged cards.
————————————————–
BestFriend: so who wants to bet on they return as an official couple? I place a 100 bucks.
Natasha: add my 100 to that
Sam: nah man they’re too scared to admit it.
Steve: they won’t damage the friendship.
Best Friend: Oh lil Samuel and lil Steve ya’ll better be ready to pay up.
————————————————–
You grasp the handle of your suitcase a little tighter as Bucky’s car pulls around the corner. You walk closer to the edge where he could park for a few moments as you would load up your things.
Bucky set the car into park stepping out and greeting you with a wide smile. You return the gesture, he envelopes you into one of his warm hugs. Easing your nerves.
“Here give it to me and you can hang the dress near the suit.” Bucky takes your small suitcase and you open the backseat door his navy suit hanging from the hook, you place your own dress near it. Checking for any folds and then getting into the front seat with him.
“So um,” He says after a few moments of silence.
“Yeah?” You look at him, he seems nervous.
“We need to get our stories straight…” He hints you nod.
“When did we start dating, first date, who asked who?” You list, he nods.
“Guess watching those rom-coms proved to be useful.” He chuckles, you swat his arm lightly.
“Okay so we sort of confessed a few months ago, but we were scared to ruin the friendship.” He offers, which in a sense was true for him, though he never confessed. Even though he had fallen for you.
“Yes and we decided to date other people, but those didn’t work out so we decided to give it a shot cause the feelings never went away.” Which was true you think, at the back of your mind you were in love with him.
“Okay, yes so we’re dating since a month and a half…” He offers, you hum in agreement.
“Yep and first date…” you pause to think.
“Ice cream parlour.” He offers, you smile that was actually your first outing as friends.
“Yeah, and you had the cherry stuck to your nose with whipped cream.” You begin to laugh.
“Oh right miss, whipped cream moustache.” He gives you a look, chuckling as well.
“Oh right, you looked like a clown.” You roll your eyes.
“And you were my sidekick.” Bucky teases.
“Alright, alright, and we both confessed, got each other flowers and stuff.” You admit, you had put the flower in resin.
Bucky grips the wheel, he had gotten one flower’s petals from the bouquet preserved.
“Yeah, that, that sounds romantic enough.” He clears his throat. The earlier tension seeping back into him, was this a mistake? What if he said something stupid.
“Hey, um, Buck?” Your hand rests on his shoulder.
He looks at you at the stop sign.
“If, if at any point you feel the whole faking thing gets too much lets you know keep a safe word and we’ll you know revert to being best friends and try to exit that situation okay?” You offer.
“You’re perfect you know? I was nervous what if it gets too much for either of us and this yeah the safe word is sensible.” He agrees.
“So whats our safe word?” You question.
“Draw-four.” His mouth twists as though he can taste the loss against your multiple draw fours that you saved just for him at the one on one game.
You can’t help but laugh, “Okay, draw-four it is.”
Bucky shakes his head, shifting the gear as the green light comes into view.
“Also, Firefly, I want you to be comfortable I know what the fucker did might linger or come back at random moments, I know you’re doing well with therapy but if it gets too much or if anything triggers you, please tell me. I will get you out of that situation or help you as you need okay?” He says, you feel your chest constrict at the intensity of him caring about you.
“I will, Bucky, I promise.” You give his hand a squeeze oer the gearshift.
————————————————–
The two hour journey to the venue has you both slightly tired, mostly hungry. The rehearsal dinner was the event you both had to dress up first for, as you both enter the venue.
A squeal has you both turn.
“Maya.” Bucky grins opening his arms for his cousin to come crashing into him.
“I thought you were going to ditch my wedding.” She complains but then bounces excited, “Now introduce me to your date!” her eyes turn to you, widening.
You offer a smile your congratulations to her caught in your throat as she screams excitedly once again.
“Oh my god, I knew it! I knew this would be best friends to lovers! James you did good! Wait till I tell Aunt Winnie and Becca!” Maya cheers pulling you into a hug. You hug back and Bucky scratches the back of his neck giving you a nervous look.
Maybe it would not be hard to convince them that you both were in love he thinks…. The only problem was how does he convince himself not to blabber to you.
You feel Maya’s excitement seep into you as well when she pulls away, jumping slightly.
“Congratulations!” You cheer.
“Girl, you have to tell me how did you both realise.” She raises a finger up in warning.
“I will, I will.” You give a promise to the bride.
“What is all this commotion?” Winnie Barnes steps out of the room that Maya was in, her smile widening as she spots her son.
You admire them as they hug after months of staying apart.
Winnie pulls away from the hug, running a hand over Bucky’s hair and then cupping his jaw.
“Ma, don’t cry you saw me yesterday on video-call.” Bucky wipes her tears.
“Not the same,” She pats his head, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you.” He engulfs her in a hug again.
“I love you too, sunshine.” She smiles warmly.
“Now where is this mystery date of yours, hiding things from your Ma,” She gives him a small glare, Bucky widens his eyes. He scrambles to turn and his hand is outstretched towards you, you intertwine your fingers with his, stepping next to him.
“Bucky, you better not be lying.” She looks between the two of you, his grip tightens on your hand.
“We’re not, Mrs. Barnes—,”
“Sweetheart, Winnie for you always.” His mom corrects you, a warm smile.
She cups your cheek as well.
“So he finally came to his senses.” She teases.
“We both did…” You add with a smile, looking up at Bucky, admiring him.
Bucky looks down at you, your gazes transfixed upon each-other his blue eyes inviting.
Bucky wants to be lost in your eyes, drowning in their deepness. Submerging himself in the affection that they currently hold for him.
A flash has you both turn and shake your heads.
“I need one for the album.” Maya reasons and Bucky sighs.
“Send me a copy?” You offer trying to dissipate the tension.
“Why don’t you both settle into your room? And no funny business.” Winnie warns, you both pale.
“Ma, I would, no—,” Bucky stutters, a blush coating his cheeks.
Winnie looks at you, before laughing.
“He better be treating you right, sweetheart, if not just tell me. I’ll sort him out.” She gives him a warning look.
Then Winnie cups your cheek, “I am so happy you’re with him.” She says earnest.
Guilt gnaws at you, Winnie probably would be heartbroken if she knew you both were lying through your teeth.
“Sir, Ma’am, your room is ready, we’ll have the luggage delivered to your room in the next ten minutes.” The receptionist hands you the keycards.
“Well go freshen up I’ll see you both at seven-thirty for the rehearsal dinner.”
With a final hug to Winnie and Maya both of you sauntered into your room. Bucky looks at the bed. The only bed.
“Um, I’ll take the sofa.” He offers.
“Bucky that sofa is not even going to fit your legs…” You inform him.
“We’ll just make a wall of pillows?” You offer.
“Are you sure?” His mind wanders to the night you were in his arms, straddling his lap.
He coughs to remind himself; not to let his mind wander astray.
You nod, at what you don’t know, it’s not like you both haven’t cuddled or been in each other’s physical space before. Road trips you both pretty much sat next to each other fell asleep listening to songs so why was this different?
“Is it cool if I shower first?” Bucky turns to the bathroom, “Oh fuck me.” He mutters.
“What?” You follow his line of vision.
What kind of hotel was this?
The wall between the bathroom and bedroom wasn’t opaque it was a glass, a very transparent glass. The door was made on frosted glass, but again you would be able to understand what was going on.
You gulp audibly.
Bucky opens the door to check if there is a curtain or towel to cover the pane.
The bathroom proves to be larger, inside, the toilet seat away from the view only the glass shower and bathtub can be perceived from the glass.
You peek from the glass as Bucky rests his hands on his hips as he looks around for a solution.
“Shower with swimsuits?” He offers an idea.
“Bucky I didn’t carry one…” You scratch the back of your neck, suddenly everything feels incredibly warm.
“Underwear then…”
“How about we just shower while the other one faces away? Or lays in bed…” you counter.
It seems plausible, Bucky purses his lips, then nods.
“So um, you lay down, stretch your feet out and I’ll um, shower first then I’ll lay down…” He runs a hand through his hair and then over his stubble.
You nod, grabbing your phone and turning to the bed.
Bucky grabs his toiletries and powers through going to the very open bathroom. Maybe the hot water will fog up the glass?
You immediately text your best friend and Natasha about the one bed and very daunting bathroom situation but they just send stupid laughing emojis in response.
You groan.
Some friends they are, the shower runs and from your angle on the bed you can’t see a thing apart from the ceiling of the bathroom, you sigh.
It would just be easier to admit to Bucky you have feelings for him. You can’t risk your friendship though.
Bucky sighs in content as the droplets hit his skin. The warm water taking away the stress of the day and tenseness in his shoulders. He watches the rivulets trail from his body to the anti skid flooring. One hand on the wall.
His mind briefly wonders what would it be like to have his ex here and then he dismisses the thought. Sharon and he were supposed to be a one off a distraction from his growing feelings for you.
Then she got clingy, demanding every waking minute of his to be hers to fill with herself and her own needs and wants.
Bucky sighs again, the suds of soap now turning clear. He grabs the towel, checking the glass sure enough it is fogged up by the heat.
He puts on his boxers and jeans as he exits and your voice catches in your throat as a lone rivulet makes its was down his neck then chest then abdomen, ending just over the taut band of muscles and you feel as though the world is in slow motion.
“Take a picture it will last longer.” Bucky teases bringing you out of your staring.
“I h-hope you didn’t use up all t-the hot water.” You stutter get up grabbing your set of things from your bag.
The outfit for tonight was a simple purple jumpsuit that brought out your curves, and chest. Long sleeves but very comfortable.
Bucky lays down, texting Sam and Steve finally about what was happening. They both offered him advice on avoiding the shared bed but then the picture of the couch he sent had them agree with your pillow wall idea.
As the shower runs he feels himself grow less confident in his plan to have you both pretending, he was so sure he’d slip up.
When you exit Bucky’s lips part the deep purple of the jumpsuit bringing out the colour of your skin and eyes. The neckline of the outfit was probably his favourite, it was low, and accentuated your chest as the sleeves were the ones that had slits on them.
It showed skin but in a way that was risqué but classy.
The fabric hugged the curve of your hips and Bucky wanted to pull you close to him just so he could feel your warmth.
“Take a picture it will last longer.” You tease him and he shakes his head, observing you do your make up. He’d seen it before the way your tongue would poke out in concentration as you picked which eyeshadow to use or if the colours were going well with what you were wearing.
You turn to him once you’re done,
“Can you see if these are even?” You sit next to him on the bed closing your eyes.
Bucky’s eyes are on your lips and not eyelids. He traces their outline with his gaze, appearing so soft and so inviting.
“Bucky? Is the eyeliner equal?” You open your eyes as he looks up at your confused expression.
“Yes, um w-was just ma-making sure they were equal…” He stammers out quickly getting up and to further aid drying his hair. He was growing it out again.
The two of you make it downstairs, Bucky’s arm slips around your waist before you enter. Pulling you close to his warmth. You smile up at him.
“You look beautiful.” He admits looking down at you with a smile that sends flutters through your stomach.
“You look quite handsome yourself.” You offer him an equally butterfly inducing smile.
Bucky knows his heart will break this weekend but if he gets to pretend to be yours then its worth it.
You look up at Bucky stealing a final glance before walking through the door. You suddenly realise that maybe, maybe basking in this pretend would at-least give you a taste of happiness, even if the magic would end come Monday morning.
As the two of you find your seating next to Rebecca, who also is elated at you being the secret girlfriend. The dinner begins to go by without a hitch.
Emotional words are said in the practice speeches and the love between Maya and her to be husband, Marcus; is felt through all the attendees, tying them all together.
Bucky has his arm around the back of your chair, as you all wait for dessert. He doesn’t realise it when he begins to trace soft patters along your mid back. You lean into his comforting touch, allowing him to continue.
When you look up at him, your breath hitches at how intently he looks at you. Those azure eyes taking in every bit of your own eyes.
“Oh come on, just kiss already.” Rebecca’s voice stops the patterns being drawn upon you.
“W-what?” You look at her in confusion.
“You both look like you want to tear into each other.” She rolls her eyes, “Just kiss we’re all adults. Well except the kids table in the corner but,” Rebecca shrugs.
Bucky leans in deciding to kiss your cheek just to shut his sister’s mouth. You then turn to face him just when his lips were to brush you cheek.
His soft, slightly chapped lips brush over yours, his eyes widen for a moment. Then he closes them, his hand cups your jaw. You feel that damned fluttering feeling again, as you kiss him back. Your palm resting on his chest. His heart thundering wildly against his chest.
The kiss lasts for a few moments, that feel as though time was slowed down, all too soon you pull away from him. Biting your own bottom lip and a deep blush creeping across your chest and neck.
“What did you just start dating?” Rebecca comments, “That looked like a middle schooler’s kiss.”
Bucky tries to make sense, you try to make sense as well. Because what the fuck, you both just kissed each other.
“We aren’t into PDA.” You defend with a sip of your drink to soothe the nerves.
Your hand rests on Bucky’s knee, a grounding action that the two of you needed.
Back, in the room; he begins to undo his shirt, he’s halfway done when he pauses.
“Firefly?”
You turn to face him, the make up from your face gone.
“Bucky?”
“Was, was the kiss okay?” He fidgets with the cufflink as he undoes it.
“I um, guess yeah? Why?” You bring your eyes back up to his,
“No, no, um Rebecca’s comment just well, what if we don’t appear that comfortable?”
“Do we practice kissing?” You wonder, god just dig a six feet deep hole and bury yourself in it.
“I, thats not, I’m not—,” He lets out a frustrated sigh, closing the space between you two.
Your ears begin a ringing at the way his cologne floods your senses.
Bucky’s warm hands cup your cheeks,
“I’m not, not trying to take advantage of this but um, maybe we could table kissing? Because I guess handholding and all of the other things we’ve done as, as best friends, so…”
“Yeah no um, yeah I get what you’re saying,” you agree.
“No kissing then.”
“Nope, no kissing.”
With the rule established you both wind down for the night the pillow wall is built and the covers are pulled over your frames.
Exhaustion tugs at your body but sleep seems to be at its wits end not wanting to arrive to you.
Bucky shifts around in bed, staring at the pillow wall. That should not have been the first kiss between the two of you.
His mind is running a mile a minute, he wonders if you’ve fallen asleep.
“Bucky, you awake?” Your soft whisper has him tug one pillow away.
“Hey,” His soft smile greets you with his hair tousled and eyes craving sleep.
“Hey,” you smile back, your eyes on the verge of sleep, a few strands of your hair curling around your forehead.
“Can’t sleep?” He wonders and you nod.
“You too?” You ask and he nods.
“Do you want to talk till we fall asleep?” You offer as a plan.
“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky’s heart feels warm.
It is quiet for a moment before Bucky decides to tell you about his promotion at work. It’s hardly been time at the firm but they recognise his potential.
You reach across the wall and hug him, Bucky grins and wraps his arms around you, relishing the moment.
“Thats great! I’m so proud of you!” You cheer him on, he grins. You both slowly pull away from the hug. Returning to your respective sides.
The conversation flows from there, about what his new responsibilities would be and how he would have to divide his time. Both sets of eyelids get heavy and Bucky dozes off mid conversation, you chuckle lightly. Brushing his hair back and then slumber find you as well. With your hand resting on his cheek.
————————————————–
It’s very warm for the cooler spring day that was predicted.
Bucky is usually feeling like a furnace but today he is exceptionally warm as well. Not that he is complaining but something about the warmth is inviting.
A soft whimper presents itself to Bucky and his eyes peel open. You’re pressed against flush him, his head was buried in the crook of your neck, an arm around your waist. Your arm resting above his own.
“Firefly…” He tries to coax you out of slumber.
“Five more minutes…” You mutter sleepily, shifting around till you face him and your head rests on his chest. How do you have a death grip on him to not let him escape he doesn’t understand.
“Firefly… we gotta get to breakfast…” Bucky manages to free his hand and brushes his thumb over your cheek bone.
Honestly he wouldn’t leave the bed if he woke up to you everyday.
“Shhh, the dough is resting.” You grumble, shifting closer.
“The dough?” Bucky grins amused.
“I’m the dough, must rest in the oven.” You complain again.
“I thought you’re my Firefly.” Oh he’s going to ask you about this.
“I can be two things.” You pull away looking at him.
Bucky looks at you, waiting for the sleepiness to leave you.
“Bucky?” You ask, then look down at your intertwined bodies, well you clinging onto him.
“Firefly, good morning.” He chuckles and then you move away from him all too soon.
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?!” You sit up on your side, face hidden in your hands.
“Because the dough needed to rest.” He says matter of factly
“What dough?” You question, then it hits you the drunken analogy you had come up with your best friend and Nat,
“Oh that no, um, i’m, i’m going to the bathroom.”
You grab your phone and things as quickly as possible, Bucky remains laying in bed you know he’s still laughing, the endearment is clear in his demeanour but you have half a mind you’re going to be called dough from now on till you spill the reason.
Me: i sleepily blabbed to him about resting the dough.
Best Friend: you know this is why I too up night classes here, to stay awake for the fresh batch of well rested dough stories.
Nat: So how was the resting of the dough on the very hot oven?
Me: i hate you both. It was a drunken analogy about Bucky being warm.
Best Friend: that made you want to be dough resting in the oven.
Nat: so when will you get to baking? Now that you have rested.
Best Friend: oh I think very soon, Bucky’s probably stiffly up to the right temperature.
Me: i will smack you both. stop it.
You groan silently. Keeping your phone on the counter. Useless, your friends are useless comedians at your expense.
Breakfast passes by in the hotel as an uneventful affair, Bucky and you decided that meal times without family intervention would be on best friend mode so the conversation was mutual topics and trying to see if you could squeeze in a marathon of harry potter movies to commemorate the time you did the same in college a year ago.
The ceremony is at five which gives you a few hours to kill before absolutely needing to get ready.
“Do you think we should ask your mum or Maya if she needs any help? It just feels weird being just a guest…”
Bucky’s hair is falling upon his forehead when he looks up at you. Unthinkingly you reach over to help move it, and for a moment he wants to just have your fingertips run through his hair as he lays next to you.
“I, yes, we should.” He wonders if you can hear his heart beating almost as if it will leap out of his chest.
And you both find yourselves barely making it in time to get changed for the ceremony. Bucky takes over ironing duty since he knows your absolutely need to wash your hair before an event otherwise you don’t feel yourself.
In the nick of time you make it, Bucky eternally grateful you had his cufflinks set up and he helps you zip up the dress.
You both are panting by the time you reach the attached ballroom. With just two minutes till the bridal march. The wedding planner shoos you both off with a glare as if Bucky and you never helped set the decor because five people of her team fell ill.
“Shouldn’t have fixed that centrepiece.” You grumble as Bucky snickers before you settle into the seats.
“Firefly, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have left it unfixed.” He whispers leaning in,
“I would.” You whisper back.
“You’re too nice.”
“I’ll break it. Let the reception begin.” You warn him.
He wraps his arm around your shoulder bringing you close.
“I think the dough needs some rest.” He teases.
“James.” You warn, the redness of your cheeks only urging him onward.
“James—,” Your voice caught in your throat at his proximity. He licks his lips, eyes on your soft ones. You’re wearing that red lipstick from the brand you frequently stayed up at night to order from, and he could lie and say the shade does nothing for you because your lips seem so inviting the shade of red adding to your allure.
If you ask him for his heart he’d give it to you right there, he’d get on his knees and beg you to have it.
The bridal march breaks his reverie and both of you stand up with the crowd as Maya walks down the aisle with her father, looking every bit of an angel in her wedding gown.
When you look at her fiancé, your heart lurches, he’s crying tears of joy watching her close the final bit of distance between them and their forever.
As her father gives her hand in her to be husband, the intimate look of hidden smiles they share almost has you look away.
Bucky watches the ceremony play out, Maya and Marcus have to say their vows now and he knows they were best friends before Maya admitted her feelings and they have been together four years before they got engaged.
“I believe the couple have prepared their own vows.” The minister gestures and Marcus’ best man hands him his folded papers.
“Maya, I met you in high school and you were instantly my best friend.” Marcus begins.
“We made a list of promises of what we would do and a set of friendship rules, you may not remember but I still have those pieces of decorated cardboard.”
Maya laughs, recalling the memory.
You look up at Bucky, recalling the moment from where you both turned into each other’s best friends.
“The first time as best friends when we had an argument was over where would we go to for college, because in all honesty you and I can only function if we’re close enough to share our one braincell.”
Their entire bridal party laughs at the joke.
You recall the time you were paired with him to play Charades and the two of you sucked so horribly that the entire group banned the game.
“That day I was so angry but when I went back home I saw those cardboards. I knew college could be done anywhere but my best friend? I couldn’t leave her. That is the best damn decision, I made, well that and proposing to you and today standing in front of you, vowing to be by your side, even when you hate me leaving my clothes scattered on the floor, loving you even when I may be annoyed at you for not being able to pick a place for dinner,”
Maya lightly swats him, then wipes a tear.
You stare at Bucky catching the smile on his face, you wonder what he thinks about, then you feel him about to look at you so you look ahead.
“To cherish you even when things around us may push and shove us to not remember what we’re together for, to nourish and nurture our love, our life,
to work on myself to be the best I can be for you. To support you in everything you need me to support you, to catch you if you stumble, to be held by you if I tumble. I vow to be your best friend, love and husband as long as time is ours.” Marcus gazes lovingly at his bride.
Bucky tears his eyes away when he hears your sniffle. You wipe your tears with the back of your hand. His hand shifts to wipe your tears and to hold you closer. Press his lips to your temple in promise.
“Marcus, how am I supposed to speak now?” Maya complains with a chuckle that masks a small sob.
Her groom shrugs innocently making all the teary eyed faces laugh.
“My Marcus, the day you entered my life, was the most ordinary day I thought but little did I know your doodle of a covalent bond in my notebook would be setting up the reaction for an extraordinary life ahead where I get to stand at the altar with you.” Maya looks up at him, Marcus smiles at her, eyes getting watery.
“When I admitted my feelings to you, I was scared to lose you. So scared that I was going to hold my silence. Then you brought those damn sliders from the place we went to as best friends and I knew I had to tell you how much more love my heart held for you.”
Buck looks down at you, every memory with you playing in his mind, taking in Maya’s words and replacing them with moments he has with his Firefly.
“I vow to not nag you for your clothes strewn across the floor.”
Bucky adores you as you laugh. Then looks back at the bride and groom.
“I vow to be brave when you need me to for myself and for you. I vow to let my fears show so you can be brave for me and yourself. I vow to cherish you for who you are and who you become. To nourish and nurture our love, our life. To work on myself for being the one you need through any stage of life we are at; to be your best friend, love and wife as long as time is ours.”
You gaze up at Bucky when his hand moves in your periphery, you catch the redness of his cheeks, he cried as well. Your hands ache to offer comfort.
Bucky gazes at you, both of your visions blurry from the tears.
“Beautiful words, now I ask you, Marcus Finnegan, do you take Maya Barnes as your lawfully wedded wife?” The minister questions Marcus.
He places the wedding band on her finger.
Bucky grasps your hand in his, fingers curling around the space between yours. You look from the half intertwined hands to Bucky questioningly.
He isn’t going to let you go, no.
If he had gotten to you first that night, maybe if he was brave enough he could have prevented the heartbreak.
“Now I ask you, Maya Barnes, do you take Marcus Finnegan as your lawfully wedded husband?” The minister questions Maya.
She places the wedding band on his finger.
You curl your fingers around his hand, letting tears flow down your cheeks. You hope with all your heart you’re interpreting his gesture correctly. If only you had gotten to him first that night.
“I present to you family and friends, by the power vested in me, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes-Finnegan. You may now kiss the bride.”
The cheers and clapping around the ballroom die down into a dull buzz, Bucky cups your cheek with his left hand, pulling your lips onto his own. The kiss filled with a longing and hunger that you both carried for months. Salt mixes with the taste of his lips. Fears slowly let gone off as you grasp his left hand that rests upon your cheek.
When the two of you pull away for air, hidden by everyone standing to keep clapping for the newly weds allowing you both to be tucked away in your little corner.
“Why didn’t we say anything?” Bucky laughs through the tears.
“I was scared to lose you.” You rest your forehead against his, Bucky wipes your tears as you wipe away his own.
“Firefly, I’m never letting you go. Should have walked upto you and that fucker.” He finally admits, confessing his entire plan to you.
“I kept thinking of doing the same when you were with her, showed up with your favourite flowers too. Have it preserved back home…”
“I’ve kept it preserved too.” Bucky admits, joy ceases his heart at your elation.
Your lips meet again, this time with lesser longing than before but the need to have each other ever present. Bucky’s lips peppered kisses all over your face, drawing out laughter from you.
Each mirthful moment tucked away for him to keep.
Your head resting on his chest as his arms around your waist, the slow notes of the song cascade around the two of you, Bucky had you on the dance floor from the first song, dinner left for later.
You tilt your head back looking up at him with so much adoration.
“Waited so long to have you look at me this way.” He admits.
“Always looked at you this way when you weren’t looking.” You confess.
“Never looking away from your gorgeous eyes, Firefly.” He promises, his lips ghost over yours, as you rise on your tip toes even with heels to kiss your Bucky.
— Summary: If religion was the safe haven where Bucky found reasons to be alive and see the good in this world again, loving you was where he found the freedom to be more than just expectations once again. Human emotion, connection and need more than anything else. Also, devotion. Bucky already understood that one, but with you, it reached heights he never dreamt of before.
— Word count: 7.5k
— Warning(s):This work is intended for 18+ audiences. Minors, DNI. Explicit depictions of sex. Religious theme. Smut. I do not allow for my work to be copied, translated, or reuploaded on any other platform.This whole monstrosity is @buckspumpkin ’s fault <3
From the moment he met her to the moment they befriended.
Every step of the way, every interaction, smile, deep conversation outside the church, random encounters in the city—Bucky knew it. He was aware of it, and yet, he did it anyway. He fell for the power in your voice, for the mind behind those eyes, for the soft and electrifying touch of your hands. Bucky was presented with temptation and he fought it until he longer wanted to. Until all that was left inside of him was desire, longing, and need. Temptation won, but only because there was no game anymore: Bucky was presented with you in his life, and for the first time in many long years, his life expanded once again.
From the moment Laura brought you to the Church’s congregation party for the holidays and introduced you, he knew he should stay away.
It was the eyes.
Laura pointed at you, and said, “Father, this is Y/n, my best friend who I’m always talking about.”
He had been polite back then. Bit down on his usual winning smile when meeting new people because something about the glint in your eyes hooked a piece of his chest when they met his.
Bucky had given you the polite smile, and said. “I’ve heard quite a lot about you. Nice to meet you, I’m Father James.”
He extended his hand, which you shook without breaking eye contact.
Then, you said: “Nice to meet you, Father,” and Bucky’s insides burned despite the cold weather surrounding him.
That day, he couldn’t escape fast enough.
You were a friend of one of his congregates, so there was no way he could be rude, but every time he glanced in the direction where you were, talking and smiling with other people who frequented the church, your eyes met his and Bucky felt like a deer caught in the headlines.
An animal in the jungle, like one of his favorite documentaries—he suddenly understood the prey when they felt the eyes of tigers and lions on them.
Frozen.
Bucky’s throat felt dry every time you did it. You looked at him over the rim of your cup, and it was like your eyes searched for something, and they could see beyond his cassock and coat.
Whatever you were looking for, Bucky wanted no part in helping you find out.
She’ll be gone by the end of the day, he thought all night long. There’s no need to worry.
If only he knew.
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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ — ✞ —
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It was a fun discovery to learn that while you believed in nothing, you believed in everything at the same time.
It took Bucky three months of meeting you outside the Church when you picked up Laura from the masses and having brief, but sweet exchanges with you to accept the fact that you were a really nice person.
Funny, intelligent, sweet.
He stopped escaping whenever you were around. Stopped running away whenever Laura brought you by force to one of the fairs or events, and surrendered with ease to the reality of it all: apart from your non-belief, you seemed like someone he’d be close friends with.
Which is where you two ended up after he found you drunk at the city square and walked you home.
That was the first conversation ice-breaker. And from then on, Bucky simply accepted you.
Which meant you know popped up outside the church with good beer and the newest thing you were reading about regarding space to talk to him.
For those visits, you usually showed up at the end of the day, after your work hours. You stayed for a couple of hours talking to him about nonsensical things until a real topic was approached and you two shared things that Bucky forgot he thought about sometimes.
“You know, these are starting to feel like my own confessional,” he offered.
You chuckled, hiding behind your beer. He still saw the way your nose scrunched. “I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a compliment or not.”
“It is!” He laughed. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Why wouldn’t—Father. C'mon. Those things are creepy as hell.”
“First of all: blasphemy. Second of all—stop laughing, I’m serious. That was very blasphemous.” He adored listening to your silly laughter. “And second of all: they are not creepy. They’re just… methodic.”
“Yeah, the method being ‘scare people until they talk’. I’ll give it to the Church: clever, at least.”
He’s thinking about that day and the things you said about the hour of Twilight when he hears the doorbell.
Bucky halts everything he’s doing.
It couldn’t be you.
He looks at the clock—00:52.
Fuck.
What were you doing here?
This week had been hell, both figuratively and literally.
The tragedy that happened in the city and the heartache that followed everyone like a dark cloud ended up inside his church, as darkness usually does. It’s where it goes to be diluted, but being the tool of change as he is, Bucky’s the one who ends up feeling like a truck ran over his back.
Itcouldn’t be you.
Bucky heard from Laura about how pissed off you were about everything. 'Religious people and their ways of meddling in people’s lives and their bodies and their ways of handling life’, as you claimed, and everything wrong attached to it.
He hadn’t seen you around the city all week long.
“James Buchanan!”
That is definitely your voice.
Bucky swears under his breath, puts on the first hoodie he sees, and doesn’t even bother checking on his reflection to know he looks like shit.
He’s tipsy and tired, and there’s no need to bother putting out his tobacco before he goes downstairs to open the back door for you.
Out of all the people who could see him in this state, you’d be the last one to judge him.
When he opens the door, he sees you’re on the same boat as he is.
Tired, and trying to cope.
He sighs, opening the door wider. “Thought you had eloped town by now.”
“I unfortunately am stuck to this hell hole.”
Turning around, he sees you taking off your boots and placing them on the shoe rack.
“Put on a slipper, it’s still wet outside,” he tells you. “I was going to bed.”
Behind him, he hears the sound of you scoffing. “No, you weren’t.”
“Yes, I was,” he argues.
What follows is silence, and Bucky sighs. You know him too well.
He opens the door that leads to his small herbs garden outside where two chairs are already placed next to each other and waits for you to make yourself at home.
He wonders if it’s one of thosedays.
“You know… you’re really nice to talk to, Father James.”
He kind of hated when you called him that. It felt teasing. Laced in the taste of wine.
“Do you?”
“I do. You don’t shy away from answering questions. People nowadays don’t wanna have conversations. It’s exhausting. You, though—you… think about it. Answer me. I can talk without feeling like I’m being judged—”
“Oh, sometimes you definitely are.”
He likes your laughter. The more it sounds like this—free and caught off guard, the more delicious it is.
“I’ll take your word for it.That was just me wanting to thank you for being a nice ear, I guess.”
“The same goes for you.”
It’s becoming more and more common for Bucky to be stuck in a memory of you before reality calls him back to the moment.
The door clicks behind him and he looks over his shoulder to see you holding two beers, a cigarette in one hand, and the tiredness in your shoulders.
Dropping your body to the chair next to his, you hand him the beer and then light up your cigarette.
For a while, all you two do is sit there sharing sips of your drinks and looking at the brick wall ahead of you. Bucky’s hyper-aware of you and your movements, as always, and notices from the corner of his eyes when you start distracting yourself with the new flowers in his garden.
It’s when he sees a single tear running down your cheek that his body comes alive.
Bucky feels alert in a second.
Sick to his stomach.
He wants to reach out and clean the tear from your cheek, but it wouldn’t take away the pain that let it fall.
He waits, though, because he knows you wouldn’t be here unless you wanted to talk about it.
Then it hits him—she trusts me.
He has to swallow that pill down with large gulps because it would get stuck in his throat otherwise.
He remembers as clear as day hearing you say how hard it was for you to trust people. To let people in.
“Sometimes, I barely want most people in this town to know I’m a human being. The less they see of me the better, you know? They’re just—fucking vultures. Waiting for a sign of weakness to start roaming your body and getting to pick it apart.”
Through the sips of his beer, Bucky wonders how many people have seen you cry other than him.
You clear his throat next to him, and all thoughts are vacant from his mind.
He turns his head to you, attention solely focused.
“Did you do a mass?” You ask, voice rough as sandpaper.
You’re questioning whether the people who died got a mass this week. Bucky has to breathe through the ’why do you ask, why, but WHY’ and simply answers. “I did, yeah.”
You nod, sniffle and clear your face in your sleeve. “Cool. That’s good.”
Bucky feels he’ll puke if he doesn’t get a little more than that, so he takes a deep breath and reminds himself that he can be brave. “There’ll be a lantern reunion at the lake.”
You turn to him, eyes red and vulnerable, and Bucky has to grip tighter on the can to stop himself from cleaning your tear-stained cheeks once again. “A what?”
“A lantern reunion. It was Laura’s idea, actually,” your friend was a blessing to his congregation, and it made Bucky smile a little to think so. “People from the congregation will go in a fortnight to the city lake a little further in the mountains and light up little candles in their names. Push it into the lake as sort of a goodbye and a desire for good passage.”
“Into heaven?” you ask, smiling sarcastically.
Bucky’s gotten so used to it that it doesn’t even rattle him anymore.
“Into anywhere,” he answers.
The sarcasm drops from your face like rain does out of nowhere from the sky, and you sigh. “That’s nice.”
“Is it?”
“It is.” You take a sip, and Bucky feels it in his chest the blow before it comes. “Naya would’ve loved it. Probably reminded her of Tangled or something like that.”
The name hits clear as day as part of the list Bucky read on Sunday.
“Was she a friend?” He asks.
You shake your head. “Goddaughter.”
Your jawline is sharper than ever before. Razor-sharp. Bucky realizes when he pays attention to more than just your eyes, the usual lovely, deep, and telling eyes, that the rest of your face lacks any of your kindness and softness—you’re angry. Properly raging, he imagines.
It’s the first time he’s seen the emotion on you, and it rattles something in the attics of Bucky’s brain.
Ghosts of his past, of guns, violence, and the range that humans could go to.
“Tell me about her,” the words fall from his lips, and Bucky feels like prey once more when your eyes snap back to him. “If you want to, of course. I—I’d like to hear it.”
For a moment, you only watch him, eyes searching all over his face.
“Why?” You ask.
Bucky shrugs his shoulder, sipping a little more. “Because… offering my condolences won’t do any good, although you do have them. And talking about the occurrence serves no purpose, either.” Both of those options are weak at best. “Hearing about who your goddaughter was, on the other hand, sounds nice.” He wonders how close you two were. Was she the daughter of a best friend? Bucky knew you had no sisters. “D'you have sisters?” He asks to confirm. “I thought you didn’t.”
The ghost of a real smile appears on your face. “I don’t.”
“Right.”
“She's—was… she was my best friend’s daughter. Hugh.” The smile turns more real than ghost-like. “He and I have been friends since middle school.”
Wow. That’s longer than Bucky’s been in this town. “That is a long time.”
“Notthat long, c'mon Father. Don’t call me old.”
Bucky laughs. “You’re not a sweet summer child, that’s for sure.”
“Wow!” You say, joining him in laughter.
“Your generation is a mystery to me, I’ll tell you that.”
“Ugh—there you go again with 'your generation’. You’re not that much older than me, Father,” you give him a pointed look.
Bucky hums. “I beg to differ. There’s more than a decade bridging this,” he gestures between you and him.
“Fine,old man. Whatever you say,” you chuckle, and sip the rest of your beer, crushing the can in your hands. “Anyway. Hugh’s not usually here—he works two towns over most of the time.”
“Is he married?” He asks out of curiosity.
You shake your head. “Nope. Naya’s mom was a fling.”
“Got it.” From that, he deduced you had a lot to do with the girl while growing up. “Was she a lot like you?”
You laugh. “A mix of Hugh and me, yeah. I spoiled her quite a lot.”
Bucky smiles. “Tell me more.”
And you do.
Bucky listens to you tell him about Naya, and she comes to life inside his mind.
He saw the picture of everyone involved, but now he can see the glint she had in her eyes, the quirks you mention, the passions in her heart.
He does his best to stay present in the conversation, letting go of any pain related to the tragedy in order to give you a good ear as you mentioned he has.
It hurts almost as much as if he was thinking about it all.
The oscillations in your smile between heartbroken and sad, and heartfelt. He feels the changes like shrapnel under his skin.
After a few more beers, the talk changes every now and then. From kids to raising them without parents, to the dangers surrounding newer generations—like always, talking to you is a rollercoaster of topics, and Bucky thinks he’s done a good job of taking your mind out of the dark places it was.
Until you stop, look at the wall in front of you again, and the tears start streaming down again.
Bucky’s heart breaks all over the wet ground, getting dirt all over the pieces.
He’s closing the distance between your bodies before he thinks better of it.
His arms wrap around your shoulders and you bury your face in his chest, letting go of your pain in the safe space of his arms.
Bucky lets you cry for as long as you need to, and when the quiet sobs diminish to only your sniffling, he still holds you close.
“I feel… like barbed wire. I don’t know.” Your voice is thick with emotion, and Bucky squeezes around you subconsciously. “There’s so much rage inside me, Buck.”
“That’s okay. It’s the normal thing to fill you.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew all the things I’m thinking. I—I’m not the best person ever, but the things I’d do right now…”
Bucky shakes his head. You’re human, he thinks. “You’re a good person even with those thoughts.”
“You don’t know that,” you argued.
“I do, though,” Bucky counters. “All the things you want are a response, not an initiative. That’s how I know.”
At that, you stay in silence. Bucky feels you moving your head—before, you had your forehead resting against his chest, but now you move your head to the side and lay your cheeks against him, making yourself comfortable.
“You’d judge me, though,” your voice is barely above a whisper. “They’re horrible things.”
Bucky scoffs. “I’ve done my fair share of horrible things in life, Y/n. I’ll never be in any position to truly judge someone else,” he tells you.
Then it hits him—I trust her too.
“I don’t believe that,” you whisper.
“It’s the truth.” Bucky’s past is his own, but he allows you to have this. “I was a tool for a long time, one that did many wrong things. I hardly think that you wanting to kill the people who did this with your bare hands is something so atrocious.”
“I’d think you’d judge upon murder, Father.”
“Not my place to do so,” and if he was being honest with himself, never would be. The things he believed in were symbolic.
“Is this what a confessional feels like?” you ask with a chuckle.
Bucky rests his head on top of yours. “It’s the idea.”
“I like it. It’s not so bad.” You take a deep breath, and Bucky feels it.
I like it too, he thinks. Why does it feel mutual?
“D'you want some food?” he asks. He needs something to do with his hands that doesn’t involve holding you.
It takes you a moment to answer. “Sure.” You pull your head back a few inches to look up at him, and the smile he sees in your eyes takes his breath away. “Thanks, Father.”
This feels as holy as any of my prayers.
Bucky feels dizzy.
“Thanks for trusting me,” he answers, and then lets you go. His arms feel empty and cold the minute they leave your frame. “C'mon. I’ll make us sandwiches.”
“That’s not food,” you argue behind him.
“It is in this house,” he rolls his eyes, knowing you’re just doing it to tease him. “Ungrateful youth, I swear.”
“I’m not being ungrateful, I’m being factual. You know, back during the Roman Empire in Grece, they…”
ㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ — ✞ —
ㅤ
The night of grief changes nothing and everything at the same time.
Bucky knew you were a person beneath all the exterior of perfection, but it takes seeing you cry for him to realize why he deemed everything he saw to be that way—he saw beauty even in your imperfections. He met you by chance, befriended you by fate, and because the Universe wrote you and him to be this way, something about your existence read as beautiful from top to bottom. Breathtaking. It never occurred to him that he’d find something else to look at and see unadulterated and raw light, but there you were. Whether it was talking to friends, working, running past him at eight in the morning, or crying in his arms, the aura around you glowed in holy light, and Bucky had only one night of absolute existential crisis before acceptance washed over him.
He might have found his peace in god, but the god he believed in never excluded the Nirvana existing in love.
Accepting things as they were hurt much less.
Everything about him felt holy.
The whole month you stayed away from him, that’s all you could think about.
Bucky felt holy. His blue eyes on you, the gentleness in his words, and the shy cocking of his neck whenever he was under the light of a compliment—holy, holy, holy.
That’s why you hated how much you desired to corrupt all the purity within every thought permeated by him.
It made you a little sick at first. Desiring him and still talking to him normally as if you didn’t touch yourself to thoughts of Bucky fucking you and stretching you around his cock while filth dripping from his lips was a hard task, but no one could say you were one to shy away from a challenge.
All of that goes away when he cooks for you.
Theshame in wanting him.
From that day on, you allow your mind to drift wherever it pleases.
To his words, his eyes, his lips, the feeling of how strong his arms were — how did I miss that, what is that damn black thing hiding, why does it feel so warm and firm, oh my god — and anything in between. His voice. The way he curses under his breath as if Jesus is not listening if he talks low enough. How much lower his voice can go.
Letting all those thoughts roam free is both a blessing and a curse.
When you see him the day following a dream where Bucky did all the things your mind wanted him to and a bit more, you realize where the curse part walks in.
It’shard looking him in the eye when you have vivid images of his hand gripping your neck. It’s sad that all you have is images, but they’re more than enough to make you take a step back every now and then.
You can’t get wet if you don’t get a whiff of his perfume.
Can’t feel embarrassed and hot all over if he doesn’t make one of his silly jokes under his breath.
It takes you a few weeks of escaping him here and there before you receive it, at 11:50 pm on a Monday night:
What would you say if I told you I need my confessional bubble?
The message stares at you, and you stare back.
The feeling of his hug around you comes to you like the scent of someone being dragged by the wind.
Where are you?
The church. I was organizing some stuff. Come over?
Not one to say no to him, you drive there with your heart beating in your palms and the familiar knot on your throat of someone haunted by their own thoughts.
At the church, you find Bucky with a glass in his hands and all the pictures and remains of the shrines packed in one corner.
“Evening, Father.”
Bucky turns around sharply, and you see that he’s not drunk nor tipsy yet. His look is sober, and his eyes lighten in color when they see you.
“Hey.” He points to the stuff on the floor. “I’m gonna put this in the back. I’ll be back in a minute—you’re very fast. How fast did you drive?”
Probablytoo fast because I was anxious. “Maybe you’re just slow, Father James.”
Bucky’s eyes narrow, and your mind goes oh-oh. He looks at you with narrowing eyes, but then the mirth is back on his face. “Ha ha.” He picks up the boxes. “I’ll be back.”
“Won’t I burn in your absence?” You call after him, trying to contain your smile.
Bucky looks over his shoulder just so you can see him rolling his eyes.
You chuckle. Was there even a need to be nervous?
This is Bucky.
James.Father James. He’s a good guy, and a great friend, and a pretty funny person for someone who is so mysterious.
In his absence, you start walking aimlessly through the church.
You’re here very rarely. Paying attention to the details of it is not the first thing in your mind but, with nothing to do, you notice all the beauty in the place: the colorful glasses, how polished and shiny the wood benches and every other wood surface looks, and then it catches your eyes.
On the far right corner, close to the altar, there it is.
The confessional.
You’re walking to it before you notice what you’re doing.
It’s bigger than you expected.
Your hand comes up to touch the wood and its patterns—the velvet drape which closes one of the sides is blood red, and you raise both eyebrows at it.
Gorgeous.
The other side is closed with a wooden door, though. You imagine it’s where the priest enters, and because you’re friends with the one who runs this church, you let yourself in.
The space is big enough to fit two adults if they’re squeezed close together.
You take a seat, looking over the side where you can see very little from the open spots in the wood.
Then, you hear his footsteps coming back out there.
“Y/n?” He calls out, sounding confused.
You think about coming out, but then…
Confessional bubble.
You open the door minimally, put only your hand outside, and wave. “Here,” you singsong.
There’s a second of silence in which you wonder if Bucky is genuinely offended for the first time about something you’re doing, but then you hear his laughter approaching.
You hear his body passing through the drapes and sitting next to you.
“Not where I’d expect to find you,” he says from the other side.
It’s with the first sentence that you realize what a terrible, miscalculated, poor idea this was.
Your senses go from 0 to 100 in a second. They’re all tunneled to his voice, and you can smell his perfume permeating the small space.
“Y/n?”
“I was curious,” you answer. Your voice is low, and you swallow down the nervousness. It should be fine. What could go wrong? “Plus… this seems like a cool bubble.”
“I told you it was, you never trusted me in that,” he answers.
You chuckle. “I didn’t know about all the velvet.” And the stripping of your senses. God, I feel dizzy.
“It’s charming, isn’t it?”
You are, your traitorous mind replies. “Yup.” You take a deep through your mouth and let it out slowly. “What was in your mind, young padawan?”
Bucky laughs. “Wrong religion.”
“Right, my bad—what’s in your mind, my sheep?”
“You’re not so bad at this.”
“And you’re great at deflecting,” you bite back, smiling already. Your body relaxes on its seat, and you start picking on your t-shirt. “I thought you wanted to talk.”
“I did.” Bucky hums. “Didn’t think you wanted to, though.”
What?“What?”
“I was gonna ask you to go grab a bite with me so I could hear how you’ve been doing these past couple of weeks. I haven’t seen much of you,” his voice sounds a little small, and you hate yourself for a second. “I imagine you’re busy.”
Does trying to get rid of thoughts of you naked count as busy?
You bite your bottom lip nervously. “Not that busy,” you reply. “Just… processing.”
“Right. I thought about that too,” he says. Bucky takes a deep breath and you can hear that too. “I just… missed your company.”
You smile at that. “Awn. Thanks, Buck. I missed you too.”
“Did you?”
“Of course,” you say. “You know I like company better than most. More than, like, 99% of this town, for sure.”
“I’m flattered,” he chuckles. “I thought I did something wrong, that’s all. I—you’d tell me if I had, right?”
That ties knots inside your brain. Your neurons seem to clash with each other, and you look from side to side trying to find out if that was a joke.
“What could you possibly have done to me?” You ask with laughter.
“Dunno.” Bucky seems to be thinking, so you wait. “I can be annoying sometimes.”
“Have you met me?”
He laughs again. “You’re peculiar.”
“Most people go for 'annoying’.”
“Most people are pussies,” he replies back so quickly that you burst out laughing.
“Father James!” You tell him in a reprehending tone. “This is not the place for such language.”
“I think you’ll find out that we’re in the only place of holy grounds where you can say whatever the fuck you want,” he chuckles.
“Is that so?”
You can almost see him shrugging his shoulders. “It’s how I always felt.”
“Cool. This is the blind spot, then?”
“Exactly.” Bucky seems to be tapping on the wood, and you recognize his nervous tick. “Maybe you can use the blind spot to tell me why you’ve been avoiding me, then.”
Shit.
The silence is as much of a confession as you trying to play it dumb would be.
“Y/n…”
You hate how he makes your name sounds like a plea.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you tell him. “I swear.”
There’s a heartbeat of silence, and Bucky seems to believe you. “Okay.” The sound of a thud tells you he rested his head against the wall at the back, and you do the same. “So… did something happen? To you, I mean.”
Yeah, you did.
Thinking that’s not the reply he wants, you hum thoughtfully. “I’m… trying to work with life’s limitations.”
There’s another moment of quiet, and then Bucky snorts. “That was vague as shit, Y/n.”
“It’s the truth!” you laugh.
“I know it is, but it doesn’t explain anything,” he counters. “What limitations?”
How do I answer this? How do I tell him it’s him without putting him under the spotlight? I don’t wanna lose you, Bucky. I like what we have. I like this.
You like him.
“No judgments. Remember?” He asks.
Fuck. Fine, here goes nothing, you think. “I… have been thinking a lot. About someone. In ways that I’m not sure this person would want me to.”
Out of all the silences, this is the heaviest one.
You hear him breathing in deep, and it feels like his body has strings attached to yours.
“You’re insecure about having… feelings for this person?” His voice is rough. Carefully curated out of any emotions.
You realize you’re speaking to Father James rather than Bucky.
“Kinda,” you reply, surprised that you don’t care about the switch in roles.
“Why would they be bothered?”
The million-dollar questions.
Your palms are sweating. Your body has the low humming of when blood is pumping everywhere at a higher speed, and all the anxiety you had when you first saw his message rushes back.
“'Cause I’m pretty sure they’d view it as… something bad,” you reply.
“Feelings are never bad.”
“No?”
“No. They’re natural. The person might not want them, but if they view them as bad, that means they’re not worthy of it.”
“No—what I meant is—maybe they would feel bad about being on the receiving end of it.”
“Again, that makes no sense. Why would they be offended by it?”
“I don’t know. 'Cause they don’t want me?”
“That’s their loss. Still doesn’t mean your feelings are bad. They could be unreciprocated, but never bad.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m scared of,” you confess. Fuck, this thing works. “I don’t wanna face the fact that it could never be mutual.”
“Thatis scary,” he whispers. You still hear it.
“Yeah.”
“You’ll never know, though. Unless you tell them, you can’t know if it is or not.”
You laugh, humorlessly. “I don’t think I need to. Not for this.”
“Why not?” asks Bucky.
“Because the chances of him wanting me or anything are slim to none.”
“I find that hard to be true, Y/n.”
“What percentage of priests lead a personal life outside their calling, Father James?”
The question comes out breathless and it finishes the job of setting your body on fire.
On the other side, the silence is deafening. You can’t see him, but your mind paints the picture easily: Bucky standing there, frozen in his spot as the realization dawns on him.
Then, his reply comes and what was left of your body turns to dust.
“A low percentage. But some of us do.”
You have to bite your bottom lip to swallow a whine. His name still comes out. “Bucky.”
“You’ve been thinking about me all this time and you thought I would be upset about it?” He sounds breathless. Your body is not only alive now, but it’s also starting to respond to the drop in his voice.
“They’re not very holy thoughts,” you chuckle humorlessly.
“Tell me.”
Two words and your legs constrict against one another. Your core feels like a furnace, heating up more and more by the second.
“I… are you serious?”
“Very.” Bucky sounds as affected as you. “Tell me what thoughts were so bad they drove you away from me.”
“I… I had dreams.” You want to touch yourself so badly that you start squirming in your seat. “About you.”
All he does is hum in reply.
“You kissed me. And then… you told me I was going to accept all that you wanted to give me. And I said yes. So you started to get… more—of me. You took off my clothes. And said you needed to let out some… steam. To let out some things that have been inside of you.”
There, your words were cut short.
The images of Bucky kneeling in front of you and eating you out like he never had a meal before in his life.
“Go on,” his voice breaks through the smoke.
It sounds like an order.
Your body shudders, and you try to grip on reality before the dreams take over. “You ate me out.” The whisper sounds louder than any of his sermons you had the pleasure of hearing. “And…” I can’t say it. I can’t. You can feel the wetness dripping to your panties, and you have to sit on top of your hands to stop them from starting to roam your body.
“Finish it.”
Where did he learn to command people like that?
“I asked to do the same.” How could you not? All you wanted was to choke on the weight of Bucky on your tongue. “And then you fucked me. Slowly. And… kept telling me about how long it had been. How good it felt to stretch me out.” Why am I going into details? You whimper. “Bucky.”
“Is that why you were away? You dreamt about me being inside of you and that’s it—your brain stopped working around me?”
“I got off to those dreams too many times to not think about them when I saw you.”
“Fuck.” Bucky must move next to you because you hear the sound of his clothes ruffling. “You touched yourself thinking about them?”
“Yeah.”
You hear his breath intake, and the next sound drops your heart to your feet.
Bucky gets up, the drapes ruffle and then, the door of the confessional is opening.
The sight of Bucky standing tall over you with his black t-shirt tucked inside his pants and the tent of his dick straining against his slacks makes your mouth dry before it starts to water.
“Show me,” says Bucky. Then he drops to his knees in front of you, reaches both hands to your knees, and places them there. He looks up into your eyes to ask, “Can I?” and you nod, dumbly and shaking, as Bucky spreads your knees open. You’re wearing loose pants, and his hands go further up to their hem so he can pull them down.
Allowing him to leave you in nothing but your panties feels like a fever dream.
With your pants pooling in your ankles, Bucky lets hands drag on the skin of your legs and thighs.
“You’re right,” he says. “It’s been years.” His hands reach your waist, and your shaking comes to a halt with the firmness that they touch your pelvis bones. “And yet, I think I’ve thought more about pleasure and connection these past months than I did my whole life.” Bucky moves his body closer until he’s nestled between your legs, and when his head inches closer to your cunt you realize what he’s about to do, whining at the thought. “I dreamt about this, too.”
He presses his nose on the hood of your pussy, inhaling deeply and making your legs turn from solid to liquid.
Bucky runs his nose there, and when he hums against your core, you feel it inside of you. “You smell so fucking good, dove.”
“Oh,god.”
Bucky gropes your ass and shakes his head. “No. Forgot my name already?”
“James, please. Please,” you whine, your legs coming up to his shoulders.
He lets you, helping your legs to secure around his neck, and when you look down and see he’s smiling, you know you’re fucked.
“It’s been a while, so let me take my time. I think I still remember how to do this,” Bucky says.
Then, he pushes your panties to the side and groans out loud.
“So fucking wet for me. Shit.” He pushes his nose again, getting it wet with your slick. “Fuck,” he dives in.
Bucky’s tongue gives gentle licks against your clit, as if savoring it first.
When he feels your legs spreading wider and he has more room to work with, he truly starts his job. His tongue licks on your folds, then dips from the bottom all the way up, licking a stripe across your cunt before his mouth attaches itself to your clit.
Bucky sucks on the hard nub with his tongue, alternating between slow and hard-pressured jabs to quick flicks of his tongue from side to side.
Your hands are covering your mouth to stop the screams from coming out.
He slurps on the slick and the more the works his tongue on your clit and then pushes down to your open cunt, the wetter you get.
Time ceases to exist with Bucky knelt between your legs.
He goes slow, then fast, then very slow just to hear your whines getting louder. He laughs in your pussy, and the vibrations crawl up inside of you.
At one point he looks up and with a hard grope on the back of your thighs gets your attention on him again.
His beard is glistening, wet. He’s smiling like he’s seeing something funny for the first time in ages, and when he asks, “Do you like penetration?” as if he doesn’t know the answer, you feel like crying.
“Please.”
He takes pity on you. “It’s okay, dove.” Bucky’s right hand leaves your legs and his fingers join his mouth between your legs. He coats his fingers in your slick before he pushes the middle one all the way in, slowly at first, then he removes it all the way and pushes back in with his tongue.
“Bucky!”
“Hmhm,” he hums against your pussy. “Is this what you dreamt of, dove?” He asks before latching onto you again and sucking on your clit like it’s a lollipop.
The coil in your lower stomach seems like a rubber band ready to snap, but you need more.
“Bucky. Bucky,” you call.
“Hm?”
“I wanna cum with you inside me. Please?”
Bucky’s hand squeezes involuntarily on your leg. He looks up and kisses your inner thigh. “You do?”
“Please.”
“Will you let me take you for a bite afterward since I couldn’t help myself and I’m doing everything backward?” He asks, already getting up.
You nod a bit desperately. “I’ll let you bite anything, just—please.”
He laughs. “Get up.”
You do, and it’s a tight squeeze to switch places with him, but you two manage. Bucky sits on the place you sat and unbuttons his pants, pulling out his cock from the confine of his briefs.
You step out of your pants and sit on his lap, trying to keep all the feelings daring to pool out inside while you feel like everything about you is already stripped bare in front of him.
“You sure you want this, yeah?” I asked.
At that moment, Bucky pulls you close by his waist. It’s almost easy (keyword being almost) to ignore the outline of his hard cock between your legs when he’s holding your face like this.
There’s barely any light illuminating the inside of the confessional, but there is enough for you to see him glowing. Glistening. Smiling like he’s watching something unfold.
He holds your face in his hand and pulls you in for a kiss.
I hadn’t kissed him yet.
Bucky kisses you with slow, soft tenderness at first.
It’s almost his way of saying he means everything—he means this, and he means what he said about being a part of the cleric who still allows themselves to have a life outside their work.
When his tongue opens up your mouth sinfully, that’s when you feel him twitch underneath you.
His arm around your waist pulls you even closer, and you get him. You’d want to merge with him right now if you could.
“Put me inside you,” he pulls back his face only a few inches to say those words, then dives in for another kiss.
Your mind is too dizzy with everything that is James to do anything but obey.
You reach beneath you to hold his cock in your hands and guide it to your entrance.
Perhaps you should care that none of you discussed the important things you should have before you let him inside you, raw and deep like this, but all you want is this:
Feeling him stretch you out.
When his tips fit and you can let go, both of you groan at the same time. He’s big.
He’s thick, and he’s leaking, and when the tip pushes in, gliding easy with how wet you are, you have to pull back from his kiss so you can breathe.
Bucky groans louder and hides his face in the crook of your shoulder.
“You’re big,” you whisper, sliding down further until he’s bottomed out. “Oh my…” can’t call out for Jesus, but you’re still shaking and finding a new reason to worship right there and then. You might be drunk on desire, or drunk on how high Bucky made you by eating you out, or how close you were to cumming before he made you get up. Maybe all of the above. “Father James—feels so good.”
The slap comes as a surprise, but the sting and your scream are both pleasurable.
“Don’t call me that again,” he growls. He bites your neck, and moves his hip for the first time.
“Why not,” you whine. It feels so good. You feel so full. “Feel so full, Bucky.”
“I know, dove.” He bucks his hip upwards, thrusting deep and slow. “You’re so fucking tight,” his voice is strained, and you pull his face back to yours, cupping his neck. With his eyes on yours, Bucky’s face softens. “Feels good?” He asks with another pointed thurst.
You nod, riding him in the same rhythm as his thrusts. “Hmhm.”
“You look beautiful on top of me,” he mutters, kissing your chin, you cheeks, and your eyelids, each kiss pointed with another deep thrust.
“We’re gonna do this again, right?”
Bucky hums, and thrusts harder. FUCK.
“Ah, there it is,” he mutters, as if talking to himself. “Was looking for that.” He thrusts again, confirming to see if he’s found your g spot. The way you clench and moan his name are enough of an answer. “We’ll do this many more times. I just—need—fuck, need to do this proper.” Bucky pins your hips in place and takes over the movements. “Shouldn’t be fucking you, dove. Not here, not like this.”
“I’mso fucking wet, Buck,” you cry. “You wouldn’t let me go home to get off thinkin'—oh—about you—fuck, right there;”
“I wouldn’t?”
“Bucky.” It’s louder than before. Both a moan and a prayer.
His thrusts become more erratic, and Bucky’s own moans and prayers start sounding much like yours.
So tight, dove. Fucking made for me. Stop clenching your pussy, Y/n, fuck. I’m gonna fill you up, d'you want that? Hm?
“Don’t pull out,” you whine.
“No?”
“No.” You shake your head. He should, your mind says. I don’t care, your body responds, hips going harder to meet his harsh thrusts.
“Want to feel me leaking out of you?”
Fucking hell. Where was this holy mouth hidden? “Yes!”
“Say it,” Bucky’s grunting, and his forehead is sparkling with sweat, and you feel the sweat dripping down your back.
“Wanna feel you dripping out of me, Buck.”
“Fucking—Y/n, I’m gonna cum. Are you close, dove?” He holds you by the neck, and brings your mouth to his. “Tell me how to make you cum. Tell me.”
“Hard. Deep.”
Bucky’s a good listener anywhere. He pins your hip in one place, buries himself as deep as he can go inside of you and mutters about how good it is to feel your cunt stretching out around his cock, then pistons his hips in place just like that, hitting that spot inside of you so mercilessly that you’re excused to scream as much as you do.
When you yell that you’re gonna cum, all he says is, “Please. Please, dove. Show me. Cum for me. Cum only for me, Y/n.”
With another scream that leaves your throat aching, you feel your walls convulsing and your legs shaking as an orgasm knocks you out.
Bucky cums by muffling his own screams in your neck, and you feel the warmth of him spilling inside of you.
If there were any ways for you to not surrender and devote to him, they’re all burned and gone.
This feels like the beginning of all things holy for you.
Here’s the first part of The Lone Wolf. I hope this is clearing up some unanswered questions, in the next few will be more flashbacks, which will explain everything.
I hope you enjoyed reading it.
This series was brought to you because someone who (thank God) doesn’t follow me on Tumblr, wanted me to write something nicefor him, but I also wanted to post something here, so you guys are getting a bit cleaner version.
I hope you’ll like it!!
————————————-
Summary: The Reader hadn’t seen nor heard from him in about five years. Her life is getting back on track (sure, she might be playing the role of fiance for her gay friend, but everything else is going great). She’s famous all across the world for being the only person to meet The Lone Wolf in his uniform, and live to tell the tale. There was so many people asking her about him, but she never said a word. She moved on, but the past seems to want to bite her in the ass.
Warnings for this part: Implied sex, edging, a bit of SMUT (fingering), lying, mentions of dominant!Bucky, some Language
Sometimes I wish I knew what had happened to him. I looked back at the building of the company, before continuing my walk toward the café I often frequented, Coffee Bean. Sitting down, I gave them the order, which had put me into that situation with him in the first place - Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows, chocolate crumbs and coconut, the drink I haven’t had in five years, not since May 2020.
That might not have been the warmest month I had encountered in my years, but it came with a lot of memories. Pleasant and unpleasant ones, but they are still some of the most memorable moments of my life.
–
Rough hands gripping me tightly by the waist from behind, pulling me close enough so that I can feel a hard, throbbing length against my ass.
–
Lips attacking my neck and leaving trails of hickeys. I couldn’t tell whether they were made out of possessive jealousy, or as a way to show me he actually cared about me, but they were there, dozens of hickeys all over my body…
–
His hand grabbing me by the throat, before pulling me in for a rough kiss, which left me breathless and weak in the knees…
–
“Honey, are you okay?”
“Huh?” I looked away from the window, as I was pulled out of my thoughts. The bright, blue, eyes of my ‘fiancé’ were in front of me. Steve and I have only been 'engaged* for two weeks, due to him needing a fake fiancé, because he didn’t have enough courage to tell his parents he’s actually gay. He was gorgeous, blonde, blue eyed, well-built and over six feet tall. Every girl’s wet dream, but not mine. “Oh, hey, love! I’m sorry I was thinking.”
“I could see that, honey.” He sipped on his coffee. How long had he been here? “I’ve been trying to grab your attention for the past 10 minutes.” He grumbled out, answering the question I didn’t even ask, while grinding his teeth. “A penny for your thoughts, darling?”
“It’s nothing, really. I was only remembering some things from my past.”
“Good or bad?”
“Both.” I said with finality in my voice, making it known that I don’t want to talk about that subject anymore.
“So it is true.”
“What are you talking about?”
“There was something between you and the lone wolf.” His voice was filled with some sort of venom, but it was, weirdly enough, calm, although, if you payed enough attention, you could notice that the anger was radiating off him in waves, his eyebrows were furrowed, and fists clenched idly at his side. I didn’t even know he knew of him. Most of the wolrd didn’t really care much about the people from Balkans, although, him being a famous, mysterious war criminal might have had something to do with it…
“I was someone he kidnapped once.”
“Is that all?”
“He also tortured me.” I told him the official story. No need to tell him the truth about the aforementioned torture, but his heated gaze didn’t falter.
Why does it seem like he knows something? He can’t know. No one can. It was all between me and him, and he disappeared off the face of the Earth five years ago.
He kept the staring game for a few moments, before his stare softened. “If you say so.”
“I do.” I took another sip of my Hot Chocolate, before I let out a sorrowful laugh. “I had this same drink a few hours before he took me five years ago, you know? I was afraid to drink it again. I thought it was some sort of a bad thing, but I got over it.” I always had this same drink, when I was talking to him, whether it was over the phone, or over a video-call, in person… He knew me like an open book. Since he hasn’t been around in five years, If he were alive, he would have contacted me by now. So I thought it was the time to move on and have it again. It hadn’t disappointed. “Damn, it tastes better than I remember.”
He hm-ed, before nodding for me to continue. His eyes were, somehow haunted. Which made me think something was extremely wrong, but this was Steve. Friendly-neighbourhood gay-man who didn’t want his parents to know he was gay, so he faked his engagement to me after two months of being my friendly gay best neighbour, and five years of being my (only) gay-best friend ….
“I had this one friend, Bucky. We had been friends, since my third/fourth year of high school, and I had been in love with him ever since I had seen. My friend needed my help. Apparently, he had been in trouble at the time.”
“What did he do?” He asked, deep in thought.His blue eyes deep in thought.
“I don’t know. I was talking to him on the phone, and then, someone had grabbed me, there was a cloth in my face. I had breathed in and everything went black. When I woke up, I was in my Grandfather’s abandoned house in our old village. Most of the old people have been sent to homes, and nobody lives there. My plan was to stay there for two weeks, alone, surrounded by acres of woods. The only person, other than my family, who knew where it was, was my best friend, Bucky. So, I assumed he allowed someone to kidnap me and have their way with me. I never saw a face, and never heard their voice, but I’ve heard the groans they made while they violated my body.” Lie, lie, lie and lie. He would never put me in any type of danger like that. Sure, he had, indeed kidnapped me, but he knew I had one of those fantasies when I was younger.
“Why are you saying they?”
“Because I’m uncertain whether it was a man or a woman. Yes, Steve, there is a possibility that The Lone Wolf is a woman, as well.” No there isn’t, but there’s no need for him to know that.
“I never even thought of that possibility…” He mumbled, seemingly mind blown, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. “So, that friend of yours…”
“I don’t like your tone. He was only my friend then, we hooked up a few times before that, though, three years after we’ve met.”
“So, your then-friend, betrayed you.”
“Yes. He left me with an animalistic person whose only purpose in life was to hide, and torture me.”
“How exactly did he torture you?”
“Any way you could possibly imagine, only twenty times worse…” That was true. He tortured me in any sexual way he could. From spanking, to bondage, through whipping and leaving hickeys all the way to edging me ten times before finally letting me cum, screaming for him in places where only animals could hear me, biting…If I mentioned any other man, I would get punished.
“How do you feel about The Lone Wolf?”
“I hate him so much.” For leaving me a hot mess, and after two wonderfully-spent weeks, disappearing into thin air. He only wanted to use me for sex just like all those times before…I loved him, through everything, but he never cared. He never loved me and now, five years later, I finally understood that.
“You really hate him so much?” His gaze was so intense, it made me remember a moment with Bucky.
—-
“I hate you, Sarge.” I cried, which was understandable since it was the sixth time he edged me so far. And I wanted to cum so badly. “Please, please, please, allow me to cum.”
“You hate me?” He asked, before pushing his finger into my slit once again and picking up the pace. Every word he said was slowly rolling off his tongue, his blue eyes were dark with lust, and there was a mischievous glint in them. “Why are you so wet, then, doll?”
“Please, please, please, make me cum”
“I asked you two questions, doll. If you answer them, I’ll think about it.”
“Fine, Sarge, I don’t hate you. I don’t think I could ever hate you and I’m wet because you make me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling for anyone.”
“And what are those things?” He asked, before licking my breast and putting another finger in, while his other hand played with my clit.
“I…” I was about to answer before the sensation I felt stopped me. “Please, Sarge…”
“You’re about to cum already?” He asked.
“N…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Yes, Sarge. Now please…” I whined, he was picking up the pace, and I was surprised he had actually listened to me. I was right there. Only one push and I’d be getting the sensation I wanted to feel since he had started this…
“No…” I whined, as I felt him pull his finger out.
“Yes.” He said, kissing me roughly, before pulling me onto my wobbly feet. I couldn’t stand properly due to our…activities. He let out a self-satisfied laugh, before throwing me over his shoulder. “I’m going to help you take a shower.”
“I hate you…”
“I thought you could never hate me, doll.” I slapped him across his very lovely ass. He let out another, hearty laugh, before I felt a sharp pinch on my ass.
“You bit me!” I mumbled
“If you mess with the wolf, you’re bound to feel some consequences.”
—-
“I don’t know if I hate him completely. If it weren’t for him, I would have been dead, you know. He saved me.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well…” Think, think, think… “That winter, the wolves were running about the forest. We didn’t have any sheep, cows or pigs in any of the barns that year. Grandfather was in the home and Uncle couldn’t retire until the next year. So me and him were, practically, the only ones in the area at the time. It was plenty useful to have a deadly soldier there, or I would have been ripped apart by the actual wolves.” Again, a half-truth.
“So you don’t hate him?” He asked again.
“He had saved my life. I don’t think I could ever hate anyone, I think I only strongly dislike him.”
“Good. I’m so sorry about this, Y/N.” He said, his blue eyes filled with regret.
“What are you talking about, Steve?” I asked him, but his phone rang.
“Yes, buddy, you were right. She’s all yours now.“ He said, before hanging up. He gave me one, pointed look, before gesturing something. I had no idea what it meant, but I didn’t need to think about it. There was something on my mouth and my world went black. Deja-vu much?
I’m back, for now. And what’s a better way to return with than a new Bucky x Reader series?
This series was brought to you because someone who (thank God) doesn’t follow me on Tumblr, wanted me to write something nicefor him, but I also wanted to post something here, so you guys are getting a bit cleaner version.
I hope you’ll like it!!
————————————-
Summary: The Reader hadn’t seen nor heard from him in about five years. Her life is getting back on track (sure, she might be playing the role of fiance for her gay friend, but everything else is going great). She’s famous all across the globe for being the only person to meet The Lone Wolf in his uniform, and live to tell the tale. There was so many people asking her about him, but she never said a word. She moved on, but the past seems to want to bite her in the ass.
“Ma'am, could you tell us a little bit more about his relationship with you?”
“What relationship? He had kidnapped me and tortured me for two weeks. I’ve answered this question over an over and it hasn’t changed since the first time. I was kidnapped and tortured, then left alone, tied up, until my Uncle had found me. What kind of a relationship should that be put under, other than the captor-victim one, please enlighten me?” Dozens of people, mostly reporters, had been asking me the same question for five years, but I’ve never given them the true answer, I don’t think I could ever do that. Not to myself, not to my friend and fiancé (even if we were only engaged for the past two weeks as a plot for his family not to find out he’s gay), not even to him… That was the past I had been hiding from everyone. It was enough that they all knew I had something to do with him.Thank God they did not have any clue what that something really was, because it would start a whole new round of questions that I would never have the guts to answer, I could never betray him. Looking at the blurry picture of the hooded man made me remember everything I was trying so hard to delete from the hard drive that my mind is. I buried them deep inside, never caring about the fact that I knew I would still feel whatever it is that I felt for himthen, and hewould still be one of the few known war criminals of our modern age. Yet not a single one of them ever knew his name, they couldn’t even find his real face, or any data about himfor that matter. The only two things they knew about him,The Lone Wolf, as they deemed him, were the initials of his first and last name - JB, and that I was kidnapped by him on the day of hislast known crime.
Sometimes I wish I knew what had happened to him. I prayed to God he was still alive and kicking somewhere and that he had a great reason for being a stupid jerk, which was in character for him when it came to other people, but never when it came to me.
As I got out of the building of the company and headed toward the cafe, I could tell something was going to change today, I just didn’t have any idea what was coming… I’m Y/N Y/L/N and this is my story.
“Ma'am, could you tell us a little bit more about his relationship with you?” Dozens of people, mostly reporters, were asking the same question for ages, but I’ve never given them the honest answer, I don’t think I could ever do that. Not to myself, not to my fiancé (even if we were only engaged for the past two weeks as a plot for his family not to know he’s gay), not even to him… That was the past I had been hiding from everyone. It was enough that they knew I had something to do with him. Thank God they did not know what that something really was, because it would start a whole new round of questions. Looking at the blurry picture of the hooded man made me remember everything I was trying so hard to delete from the hard drive that my mind is. I buried them deep inside, never caring about the fact that I knew I would still feel whatever it is that I felt for himthen.And it would not change the fact thathe will always be one of the few known war criminals of our modern age. Yet no one ever knew his name. Not even hisreal face. The only thing they knew about him,The Lone Wolf, as they deemed him, were hisinitials-JBB.
Summary: When your friend started dating a new guy, you didn’t think much of him, yes he was a biker, covered in tattoos, yes he had very similar friends, yet Steve was a good man, during a meeting you managed to catch the eyes of Bucky, and that’s when your life changed.
When Sharon started dating Steve, you had your doubts.
She often told you she only agreed to go out with him because he was dangerous. “Every girl likes a wild bad boy they cannot tame.” is what she said.
Although you didn’t agree with her reasoning you did agree. Every girl liked a bad boy. You just felt bad for Steve, he didn’t deserve this treatment. You only met him once when he picked up Sharon, although he had a hard exterior, the man was full of muscle and ink under his skin, yet his eyes were gentle and kind, and he spoke with such respect and kindness.
Sharon didn’t deserve Steve, even if she was your friend, you wished her happiness, but Steve was way too good for her, especially after hearing her reasons for dating him.
Steve invited you to a get together with his friends, he explained that two of his single friends will be there. And although you tried to decline, he managed to get you to agree.
So, you stood in front of your mirror, applying your make up, hair done and you already had your dress on. You were nervous but excited at the same time.
But, in the end, you decided to just have a good time.
When you arrived at the bar, Steve was already there but Sharon wasn’t, you noticed two men with Steve.
“Hi.” you said with a kind smile.
“Oh, Y/N! Lovely to see you! Come, these are my friends, Bucky and Sam.” both of them greeted you, Sam had a huge smile on his face, Bucky was more reserved as you noticed. You introduced yourself to them as Steve left to get you a drink.
The two were just like Steve, bikers, tough guys, but still kind. Both were covered in tattoos, Sam even had some on his neck, they both looked very very sexy.
They looked exactly like the kind of men your mother warned you about, and now you wanted it even more.
Sam loved to talk but he didn’t flirt with you, no he flirted with you FOR Bucky. He kept on saying how amazing Bucky is, how he wants to take you on a date and so on. You didn’t know what to say, since that wasn’t what Bucky was saying at all. He kept shaking his head and apologizing for his friend.
Then Sharon arrived, she and Steve, of course, being the only couple started to hit it off, while you spoke to Bucky and Sam, well more to Sam but Bucky was also there, paying a lot of attention.
You constantly noticed him just looking at you, not behind you, no one was behind you, you checked.
Then he stood up to get another round when Sam spoke up.
“He really does like you, I know.”
“He didn’t even speak to me.” your tipsy mind making it easier to speak.
“Maybe, but I can see it in his eyes, and I have known him for a long time, He never looked at a woman like he is looking at you.
You were doubtful, even made a face. You were about to respond when another pink cocktail landed in front of you, making you forget everything you wanted to say.
Four more pinky cocktails later, you were not wasted, but tipsy enough to laugh a bit louder, talk more freely and dance.
And oh boy, did you dance a lot.
You just grabbed Sharon and danced until your feet hurt or you got sobered up a bit and needed another drink.
You had a fun night.
But now you faced a little problem. You needed to go home and you hated taxis or uber…
“I can drop you off.” said a voice behind you as you were checking your phone for buses.
You turned around to find Bucky standing right behind you, with his bike keys in his hand.
“Oh, but you drank too.”
“I did but I stopped a while ago so I am sober now. Let me drop you off unless you are scared.”
“Scared? Me? Don’t make me laugh.”
You were never scared of vehicles.
Ever.
But sitting behind him, holding onto his waist… now that was a different thing. That made you extremely nervous.
Bucky was a really, really handsome man. He could have anyone so to be close to him like this, made you feel some kind of way.
Although he was rather quiet and reserved, he had a strong aura around himself. He looked like someone who was hard to approach, yet his eyes were so kind and his body was so warm, even in the cold evening, you could feel it radiating off of him.
When he arrived at your place, he helped you off your bike, you expected him to leave immediately but he didn’t.
“Thank you for the ride,” you said.
But he didn’t reply, he just looked at you, made you wonder if you had something on your face.
“Sam didn’t lie you know. About me liking you.” you didn’t know how to react or what to say. So you just stood there like an idiot, just staring at him and him staring at you. For a moment you thought you only imagined it, that he didn’t say anything. Maybe it was the shots you took playing with your mind.
“Huh?” was all you could manage and it made him laugh.
“I like you.” he was so straightforward.
“B-but…we just met, how can you be so sure?”
“I just have a feeling, so will you let me take you out on a date?”
Who would say no to that?
—
You were anxious. Nervous. Extremely nervous.
Your date with Bucky was today, he would be at your place to pick you up at any moment.
You tried to look nice, did your hair, make up and wore nice clothing to impress him. You were trying way too hard, but a man like him is worth it.
And soon, maybe way too soon, you heard the recognizable sound of a motorbike stopping by your place.
This was it, you took a deep breath as your phone rang.
You didn’t pick up, instead grabbed your jacket and headed out.
Seeing him leaning against his bike, wearing dark jeans and a tight top did something to you.
And he smiled. Gosh, his smile was amazing.
It made you realize that there was nothing to worry about, you smiled back, and you just knew what he meant, that feeling, because at that moment you felt it too. And you knew everything will be okay.
Summary:this is my entry for @pellucid-constellations ’s #loveletterswritingchallenge i sincerely enjoyed writing this, it was so much of fun to come up with a story that left me all fuzzy and happy.
Pairing:bestfriend!bucky x plus size female!reader (set in an AU)
Warnings: fluff, angst, recount of bullying comments experienced by the reader, mentions of fatphobic comments, fluff, mentions of anxiety attacks, swearing, mutual pining, no smut, sam and natasha have the braincell in the two friendships. please note if any of this triggers you please do not read. you are responsible for the media you consume.
A.N: this is my first time writing a plus sized reader, being plus sized i’ve always wanted to explore writing for a reader who looks like me, i hope i’ve done well, if not i will strive to improve my writing so please be kind, thank you. that being said, i am immensely proud of what i have written.
i will share my new crayons if you share your sparkle pens.
-bucky’
‘dear bucky,
i want the blue crayon, you pick a sparkle colour, i will share it with you
-y/n’
‘dear sparkle,
i want the purple sparkle, because its your favourite, i wanna be your favourite too.
-bucky’
‘dear bucky,
you are my favourite.
and you can have the purple sparkle.
-sparkle’
‘dear sparkle,
i think we are going to be best friends.
-bucky’
‘dear bucky,
i think so too.
-sparkle’
Fifteen.
“what do you mean you are moving away?” You ask, confusion laces through your features.
“It means I have to go to a new city, my dad got a new job, they gave him a fancy house. Sparkle I don’t want to move.” Bucky is looking sullen, his blue eyes hold a sadness that is slowly seeping into his heart with every minute that passes.
It is slowly sinking in what is going to happen, he has go leave everything here, his childhood home, the mini play house at the backyard, this swing set you both have been sitting on since time began, and you.
summary: a villain who disagrees with bucky being put on the avengers team takes something near + dear to the super soldier…
word count: 3k
warnings: violence + swearing, guns, mentions of stalking & intrusive thoughts, & of course lots of angst
a/n: there will not be a second part to this fic! i’m sorry if that disappoints you, but this is meant to be angsty. also, i am trying to get to requests as fast as possible! i promise!
how dare they let a evil killing machine on the team… do they even realize what kind of mistake they are making?! perhaps he’s brainwashed them, forced them into it.
don’t worry, avengers. i’ll save you…
༅ ~
for the past two weeks, you had felt a pair of eyes on you. everywhere you went, the feeling of being watched hung over you like a cloud. even walking into the avengers tower felt like an ordeal, like the paparazzi were nearby.
eventually, you thought it might not be just a feeling. you started to feel uneasy & unsafe. so you told your teammates. a few told you to shrug it off; maybe a fan was too afraid to ask for an autograph or picture. but your best friend & boyfriend knew better.
natasha was the first you had told. on the first day of this extravaganza, you mentioned your gut feeling to your friend over a glass of wine. she had guessed it was a fan, like steve & tony suggested. but once this reached the seven day point, she wondered if it was safe for you to go out alone.
sure, you were a kickass spy who worked with the avengers. but you knew your limits. & if this wasn’t just a little kid, you could be up against multiple opponents. you were strong & agile, but in a situation like that, you’d need backup.
after the first week, you decided it was time to let your boyfriend know. you wondered if it was even a good idea, telling him. he’d always been paranoid about this kind of thing. would this just pointlessly worry him?
you pushed that aside; however, because you were starting to get seriously creeped out. someone watching your every move?! who’d want to see what kind of vegetable you picked up from the grocery store, or what route you had taken to your favorite bakery?
so one day after work, after the heros retired to their separate floors, you approached your boyfriend. he complained about his exhausting day, making you doubt your decision once again.
yet, once again, you pushed past it. he needed to know. & you told him plain & simple: “i think i’m being watched & followed.”
after that little sentence, the super soldier unleashed all his feelings. his built up anger & fear & sadness & stress all jumbled together in one collective “WHAT?!”.
since you two had started dating, bucky tried to be vocal about his insecurities & worries about the both of you being heros, but it was hard for him. he didn’t want to nag you about being safe because it annoyed you, even though you knew he thought you were capable.
after you told him, he demanded that a bodyguard would be posted right by your side. at all times. forcefully, you refused. sure, you wanted to stay safe. but you didn’t want a babysitter.
but in this situation, bucky’s worries shadowed your freedom. besides, you could still do everything you wanted. it’s just that you had a six foot, buff man walking next to you. it was like having a quieter, balder bucky.
so your life had changed slightly. instead of that feeling of being watched, you had a babysitter & that overwhelming feeling.
that feeling was gut-renching at times. was some creep taking pictures of you? or were some villains planning something? were they planning a kidnapping?
it all messed with you. it congealed into anxiety, & that sat in your stomach like a stone.
༅~
we’re almost there, dear avengers.
soon you’ll be safe from him.
& i’m sorry dear, y/n. you shouldn’t have to be in the middle of this. but he’s forced you to work with him & be with him.
it’s all gone too far.
but it’ll be over soon…
༅~
“you sure you want to go out now?” natasha asked as you threw on your jacket. “it’s pouring outside.”
“yeah, i need to get out. it’s been a few days.” you smiled & moved to slip on your boots. “plus, i wanna smell the rain.”
after seeing the worried look on natasha’s face, you reassured her that you’d have your guard with you & that you wouldn’t go far.
you meant to say bye to bucky, but he wasn’t in your bedroom or in the common area. you shrugged it off & decided it wasn’t vital. you were only going to be gone for fifteen minutes.
the air outside was crisp. for it only being september, your breath had taken the form of a tiny puff of smoke. you always loved that. sure, you were well into adulthood, but you liked pretending you were smoking.
you turned to your bodyguard — who rudely still did not tell you his name — & expected to at least smile at your childish reaction. but he just stared harshly. ouch.
you started to walk away from the tower’s entrance. your umbrella covered you, & you could hear the guard’s footsteps behind you. always one step behind.
you walked past a few businesses & shops. you were just going to reach the nearest intersection then turn around. about halfway through your path, a large alleyway separated the groups of buildings.
when you reached it, you didn’t notice but your bodyguard had been practically sucked up by the alley & it’s darkness. his footsteps had stopped, but you were paying attention to the cars & pattering of raindrops.
“it’s nice outside, huh?” you asked. a few moments had gone by without response. “you could at least resp-“
when you turned to give the large man a smug face, all you saw was an empty sidewalk. looking around, you actually noticed that no one was out. this was strange; no matter the weather, there was usually at least one other person out walking.
“guard? hello~ mr. bodyguard?”
you backtracked to the alley. maybe he found something?
when you peeked from behind the building’s corner, you saw two large men in suits standing over your guard, who had obviously taken a beating. his face was already bleeding & turning blue. he had a scarf around his mouth & handcuffs on.
a particularly tall, skinny man stood away from them. he had a lighter suit than the pair & laughed at the guard on the ground. but after his chuckle, you could hear the faintest apology.
almost as if he sensed your presence, he spoke as your neared the entrance of the alley.
“hello, y/n. again i am so sorry for what’s about to happen.”
before you could respond in any way, you felt hands all over you, restraining any movement. this wasn’t like you. normally, you had fast reflexes. but now you were at the mercy of two men.
maybe it was seeing someone bigger than you struggle against them. or maybe it was the tall man. either way, you were now trapped. & you finally knew what that overwhelming feeling alluded to.
༅~
natasha watched the clock while you were gone. even before these past two week, she had always watched over you in that sense. she never had such a close friend before, & she’d be damned before she let anything happen to you.
so now more than ever, she watched you like a hawk. she counted the minutes as soon as you walked out that door.
fifteen minutes had passed about thirty minutes ago. she planned to just stay put, knowing you’d chew her a new one if she called asking about you.
but this was agony.
she had to do something. so she called bucky, asking if you had come back. he replied saying he didn’t even know you were gone. so now the two closest people to you were now panicking.
bucky yelled for f.r.i.d.a.y. to check your location. she told him your last location was 0.8 miles away from the tower about 30 minutes ago. over the intercom, she said she couldn’t track you anymore.
bucky started to scream about how he knew you shouldn’t have gone out, & how he should have kept a closer eye on you.
everything was getting out of control already.
so bucky set out for tony & steve, with natasha right behind. he’d do anything at this point, before he even knew what was happening. he was supposed to be the one protecting you. he shouldn’t have ever let something like this happen.
“we have to find her. now.”
༅~
“again, i’m deeply sorry for this intrusion, y/n.”
this was the first thing you heard as you awoke.
blinking profusely, you tried to gather yourself. your head pounded, & your joints felt so soar. still, you forced yourself awake. looking around you saw that you were in a dingy room with bright lights. the smell of cigarettes encapsulated the space.
yep, you were definitely kidnapped.
you recalled everything before this point. taking a walk, your bodyguard, the alleyway, the two suited men, being tied up, being knocked out…
you swiped your tongue over your teeth, making sure they hadn’t punched you that hard. luckily, you still had all your teeth.
“i’m not going to seriously hurt you, y/n.” the man spoke again. “unless he doesn’t compromise, that is.”
“wh- wait. who? who’s ‘he’? wait, wait. where’s my bodyguard? what’d you do to him?” you wiggled in your seat. you felt your calves scratch against the legs of the chair. your hands were tied to the arms, so you could see the marks on your wrist. they were bright red.
“he’ll be fine.” the man, who had been standing in front of you, took a step closer. “he might not want a hero life anymore, but he’ll be okay.”
“who- who are you? & who’s ‘he’?” you barked. the feeling of peace from hearing the guard was okay was short-lived. now adrenaline coursed through your body.
“well, if i told you my name, it’d all be over,” he chuckled through his scratchy voice. “on the other hand, ‘he’ is who you call “baby”.”
“b-bucky? what do you- what does this have to do with bucky?” you wrestled with yourself in the chair again, making your wrists burn.
“the winter soldier has everything to do with this.” the man started to pace about the room. “he’s the whole reason you are here.”
you stopped moving.
bucky? how is he the reason? he didn’t put you here, did he?
“i see the look on your face, & don’t worry. the winter soldier is not behind this. i am.” he pulled a chair from the side of the room & dragged it in front of you. he sat on it backwards, straddling the chair. “now, i’ll explain before he gets here- oh, that reminds me.”
the suited man reached into his coat pocket. he pulled out a pistol. panic surged through your body. this wasn’t the end was it? you couldn’t die here. it was too dim, too awful…
“oh, wait. that’s not right. that’s for later… maybe.”
he reached over & set it on the nearby desk, where the chair came from. he dug around in his other pockets before finally pulling out a device. it was the size of a phone, but wires & cards were sticking out of each end.
“this… this will give our location to the soldier.” he waved it in front of his face.
he was pale, & his eyes were bloodshot. other than that, he looked kept-together. almost handsome.
“you want him here?” w
hat kind of kidnapping was this? the napper wants people to know where he is?
“yes, like i said before: he is the sole reason for all of this.” the pad of his finger pressed a button on the device. “now, as we wait. let me tell you about my operation.”
༅~
ding! ding!
“james buchanan barnes,” f.r.i.d.a.y. chimed in over the team’s voices. “i just got a location alert. it is y/n’s location, sir.”
the team, who had been brainstorming for the past hour, shot up. most of them scrambled for their clothes, wanting to set out immediately. others, just scrambled in general, not having a plan.
bucky had rushed out of the room as fast as possible. your location had been sent to his phone. he sprinted to the garage & hopped on his bike, ignoring steve’s shouts. as fast as humanly possible, he sped down the road, following directions to you.
he wanted to cry & yell. he was so stupid to think he could keep the both of you safe. this relationship was wonderful, but it was dangerous. why’d he have to fall in love with a spy?
༅~
maybe it was because he was going 30 over the speed limit, but bucky couldn’t believe how fast he got to you — or rather where you were.
he arrived at a shack behind a boarded up shop. the door was locked, but he had no problem kicking it down. when he busted through, he noticed how small it was. a desk & two chairs filled the space. & in those chairs were you & a man.
“why, it’s the winter soldier.” the man stood with open arms. “perfect timing, i should say. i just finished my speech.”
almost immediately, bucky swung at the man. but he missed. the man sped past him & made his way toward you. on his way over, he snatched the pistol, which had been resting on the crumbling desk.
he held it to your temple, waiting for bucky to turn around.
when he finally did, he stopped. he even stopped breathing. he was too scared to move. he didn’t dare blink.
suddenly, two other figures entered the room. they were quite tall & the seams of their suits almost busted as they flexed. each of their arms rested on each of bucky’s shoulders, keeping him in place.
“now, i told dear y/n not to make a sound during this whole thing.”
bucky looked down at you. you had been silently weeping the whole time. tears stained your cheeks. your face was blotchy, & bucky felt a pang in his chest. the man had told you before that if you made any type of sound, he’d shoot bucky & then you.
“y/n…” bucky called out softly.
“enough!” the man’s voice carried out. it was piercing, almost. “you don’t need to manipulate her anymore.”
“manip- what the hell are you talking about?!”
“well, of course we all know the tale of the winter soldier. the notorious super soldier who kills for fun.” he waited for a response but got nothing. his smirk faltered. “the man who found a way to nestle himself in the minds of the avengers & force his way into the team. you’ve corrupted them, winter soldier. & it’s disgusting.”
“what are you talking about?” bucky’s voice was low & stern. he was beyond angry; steam was practically billowing out of his ears.
“i’ve brought you here to stop it.”
he waved the gun about, but the barrel always pointed toward you.
you started to shake. the years of training now left you. fear took over. you couldn’t breathe properly, let alone fight. it was terrifying.
usually, you were fighting for people you didn’t know. somehow that was easier than this. now, you were at the mercy of someone who hated you for who you loved & trusted, someone who wanted the love of you life dead.
“how are you going to end it?” bucky lunged forward, but the pair behind him held him back.
“well, you can surrender to me. which, of course means leaving your life behind & letting me destroy you.” he paused, allowing each word to sink in. “or… i kill your lover, & then you surrender.”
bucky knew his friends were on his trail. he could stall, but would it work? if this psycho heard them from here, would he just shoot you then & there?
“& i know your posse is right behind you, soldat. i’m not stupid.”
the men’s hands hardened, putting more pressure on bucky’s shoulders.
“you have one minute to make a decision.”
59 seconds…
he didn’t want to hurt you. that’s the last thing he wanted.
50…
but would surrendering be the right move?
45 seconds…
you had always told him it would crush you if he died.
40 seconds…
& it would absolutely destroy him if you were to leave.
30…
if he waits too long, you’ll both die anyways.
25…
surrendering would hurt you, but it’s better than you dying.
but would you rather die than be without him?
15 seconds…
tears pooled in his eyes. he stared at you, longing for one more kiss, one more hug, one more word from you.
8…
so what should he do? would this man be as merciful as to let you say goodbye?
5…
bucky always said he wanted to leave this earth. but he didn’t mean now. not now when he had you, & steve, & the team.
3 seconds…
he’s made so much progress. was all this for nothing? his legacy was to die at the hands of a psychopath who knew nothing about the man he is today?
1…
bang!
a bullet was shot. the noise echoed through the tiny space. everyone flinched. bucky could not tell if it came from the man or behind him. he couldn’t tell if you were alive or dead…
summary: bucky & you always had an affectionate friendship. even your teammates thought you had a thing. but you always thought it was flirting; but to bucky it was just a friendship.
“hey, sexy,” you called out as bucky passed you. he walked through the kitchen, shirtless. he had just finished training & was now heading to the elevators to go up & take a shower.
“hey, beautiful,” he returned. “how’s your morning so far?”
“oh, y’know. just eatin’ some fruit.” you leaned over the counter, pushing your bowl towards the soldier. “want some?”
“nah, i don’t wanna share that fork with you,” he teased.
you both knew full well that you had shared food more times than you could count. this was no exception.
he leaned toward you & let you feed him a slice of pineapple from your fork.
“you two are gross.” wanda pushed past bucky, heading to her room.
“yeah, i don’t understand why you two don’t just date,” vision said as he followed wanda.
this was a regular occurrence: the team butting in & asking what the status of your guys’ relationship.
you & bucky had always been close, constantly flirting & teasing beyond friendly boundaries. flirting was your way of… well, flirting.
but flirting with bucky had the complete opposite meaning. maybe it was because he didn’t understand why anyone would want to be near him, let alone date him. or maybe it was because it had been such a long time since he last flirted with a woman.
either way, your guys’ relationship was the pure definition of mixed signals.
you yearned for bucky to one day take your compliments seriously. whenever you two were sitting on the couch together, far too close to be friends, you’d die for him to turn to you & kiss you.
bucky was handsome & funny & so unbearably kind. his laugh was enough to drive you crazy. but when he called you beautiful or doll? oh my lord, your mind went crazy.
“y’know it’s been a year?” natasha’s voice rang through your room as you rummaged through your closet.
“since what?”
“since you & bucky started going all we’re-dating-but-not-really.”
“why bring that up? & what am i looking for again?” you turned back to your friend, who had taken this time to rearrange your stuffed animals from smallest to biggest.
“i bring it up because it’s clear that you drool whenever he walks in the room. i can just tell your heart rate spikes when he says something.” natasha placed a stuffed duck next to a bear. “& you’re looking for a bomb ass outfit to wear today when you finally confess your feelings to bucky.”
“but i don’t want to~” you whined. “plus, what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“trust me, babe. i’ve known this man for years. he’s stubborn, but i just know he’s head-over-heels for you. don’t worry.”
—
with help from your red-headed friend, you were dressed in an outfit that brought out both your eyes & your curves. you felt confident & ready. you were going to confess your feeling to bucky. it was now or never.
you took the elevator down from the bedrooms to the training center. you walked down the hall, past glass-walled rooms, which were separated by different activities & equipment. making your way down to the boxing ring, you could hear two familiar voices.
“so how do you feel about her?” a rough voice echoed from the last room down the hall. you recognized this as steve’s voice.
“i dunno,” bucky’s voice reached your ears.
oooo~! now you can get reassurance that natasha was right about bucky’s feelings. it felt like ages since bucky started talking; your body was filled with excitement. you couldn’t wait until what he would say about you.
“i mean, don’t get me wrong, i like flirting with her, but it feels wrong,” bucky continued.
your eyes widened.
what?
“whaddya mean, buck? i see the way you look at her. it reminds me of rose & you, back in the day.”
“i just feel bad for her, y’know? i don’t want her to think her flirting is unrequited.” bucky’s voice was softer. you could hear a tinge of sadness, even.
butwhat?
feel bad for me?
who does he think he is?
so he’s been faking it this whole time? all those compliments & jokes didn’t mean anything?
you wanted to blame natasha for giving you false hope, but you could only blame yourself.
he was bucky barnes. the infamous heartbreaker. sure, he hadn’t been called that since the forties, but do people really change? he’d been through hell & now his self image was horribly damaged but that still makes him a heartbreaker. steve has said multiple times how bucky wouldn’t want to be in a relationship. why did you think you’d be the girl who’d change him?
you had given yourself false hope. for an entire year. you lied to yourself. “maybe tomorrow,” you had said. each night, you hoped bucky would sneak to your bedroom & confess himself. & of course it never happened…
tears welled up in your eyes. you couldn’t stay here. you couldn’t keep listening. you tried to escape silently, but a sob left your mouth as the tears streamed down your cheeks.
you heard the two men mutter in confusion, but before they could see how humiliating this was for you, you jumped on the elevator.
as soon as those doors opened, you fled to your bedroom. like a princess in a disney movie, you laid on your bed & cried. you cried until there was nothing left in you.
all the memories from the past year flooded your mind. hugs, movie marathons, & shared meals that meant so much in those moments now seemed like jokes in themselves. how stupid could you be?
—
the next few days were spent in your room & in pajamas. you told what had happened to clint & natasha, who apologized profusely. they continuously brought you comfort foods & consoling words.
when you did venture out into the kitchen & common areas, you ignored both steve & bucky. it was obvious why you stopped talking to bucky, but steve… you thought he was your friend, that he would at least tell you something that important. but instead, he let you continue to act like a fool.
—
on the fourth evening of your pity party, you spent your time in a ball on your bed watching all the movies on your watchlist.
you were actually paying attention to this one, but then a knock came to your door.
checking the time, you saw it was already well past midnight. who the hell was knocking this late?
begrudgingly, you left the comfort of your bed & opened the door. & of course the last person you wanted to see stood there.
bucky barnes was standing outside your door at two in the morning. if this happened a week ago, you’d be swooning. but now you wanted to go take a shower.
“h-hey,” bucky said. awkwardly, he waved shyly.
“hi.” you tried not to show too much emotion. you had been sad for long enough, now you were just angry.
“s-so what’s been going on? i haven’t, uh, seen you much lately.”
“yeah.”
“so, what’s up?”
“what do you mean?”
bucky just quirked his eyebrow in response, so you continued. “i heard what you told steve the other day. y’know, when you said you were just flirting with me because you felt bad.”
it felt nice to stand up for yourself, for once.
“y/n… i- that’s not what i was saying. you didn’t let me finish!” he tried to reach out for you but you backed up. “y/n… please.” you could see there was actual regret & sadness in his eyes.
well, you already acted like a fool for an entire year. one more night wouldn’t hurt.
“fine, tell me the rest.”
you motioned toward your bed. it was the middle of the night, & you were tired from standing.
bucky sat across from you with his elbows on his knees. he looked both anxious & stressed.
“i- ugh. how am i supposed to say this.” he rubbed a hand over his face. “i- i don’t feel bad for you. fuck! no, that’s not what i meant! i do feel bad for you hearing that & feeling bad. but i don’t pity you. i didn’t do all that stuff because i pitied you.”
he took a few deep breaths before continuing.
“i love you, y/n. i just… i didn’t know if you felt the same. & i know i’m an awful person. & i don’t know why you’d want to date a person like me, so that’s why i didn’t act on my feelings. i didn’t want to hurt you… i guess that backfired, huh?” he chuckled, softly.
you smiled.
“you really love me?” you asked.
“yeah. a lot. i mean, a lot a lot.”
“come ‘ere.” you extended your arms & made grabby motions with your hands.
you welcomed bucky into a long hug. this was much better than any other hug you two shared. five minutes ago, you hated this man. but now, you loved him more than anything.
the voice of steve rogers rang in both yours & bucky’s ears. you scratched as the small metal disk in your ear. you always hated these. as soon as the sentence ended, the small orchestra overhead started tuning their instruments. the rest of the party-goers looked upward to the balcony where the sounds drifted from.
for a mission, you had to admit this was one of the most beautiful missions you had been on. the sounds of the cello & violins blended perfectly, & their tunes bounced effortlessly throughout the ballroom.
the trims of the room were gold, as were the various columns dotted about the space. it reminded you of the various pictures you had once seen of russian palaces. the tables & chaises near the walls matched the gold & white color scheme of the place. however, the men & women’s attire stood out. the men wore suits of maroon, navy, or black. you noticed how each of their shoes shined as you could see your reflection in them. & the women stood in every color imaginable. deep scarlets, purples, pinks, royal greens, & so on.
you had been gifted a baby blue lace gown for this particular occasion. you had joked that tony made it, even though it was made by a familiar tailor. it was long sleeve reached the floor, hiding both your heels & the dagger strapped to your shin. the many sheer layers of the gown gave it an angelic look, yet not scandalous. it was perfect.
your partner, bucky, had been dressed in an all black, three-pieced suit. his hair had been slicked back in a low ponytail, but you could see a few strands escaped. he wasn’t the ugliest in the room, you thought.
you & bucky had never gotten along. maybe it was because you were opposites, or maybe it was just simply a grudge. neither of you knew. but from the first moment you met, not one smile was shared between you.
you thought he was a menace to the team. he avoided everyone, barely communicated, & helped when only necessary. it made missions longer, & life at the tower strained. the atmosphere was uncomfortable when bucky was around.
you didn’t know this, but he thought you were an annoyance to the team. he always heard you talking from two rooms over, stepping on toes. he thought you needed to be quieter, or at least out of people’s business. you were always trying to solve problems.
so being paired together was maybe the worst thing imaginable. it was actually forcing the both of you to spend more time together than you ever had before. & when steve told you both you were going undercover as a couple, you shuddered.
a night with a basically silent jerk. great.
& you were expected to socialize & look like a loving pair.
“both of you dance. now.”
it’s just a job. it’s just a job. it’s just a job.
you turned to bucky, who had been awkwardly standing next to you the entire evening. he kept his eyes on the ceiling & his hands in his pockets.
he looked at you like he’d never done before; however, it was the first time he actually looked at you that night, though. he had a small glow in his eyes you had never noticed before.
it’s probably just the alcohol.
you held out your hand, wanting to get this over with. one dance & you were safe. bucky took it as he rolled his eyes. as the music started up, you placed a hand on his shoulder, & his hand rested on your hip.
it was uncomfortable but as the dance continued, you two fell into a nice rhythm. you did overhear once that bucky had been a pretty decent dancer back in the ‘40s.
the dance being performed by the various couples about the floor was simple: some swaying, a few spins, a switch of sides. easy enough.
a minute or two passed by. not one word or glance was shared between you & bucky.
“y’know,” you started. “a dance is usually filled with some conversation.”
“then start one.” bucky’s head remained turned in the opposite direction from yours.
“well, in situations like these, the gentleman is supposed to start talking first,” you whispered in his ear.
you both parted. bucky remained tied to you by one hand as he spun you. as you turned, you took in the people around you. your target had not yet arrived. then the two of you came back together, only this time facing one another.
“okay,” bucky tilted his head with this word. “you are the most stubborn, irresponsible, annoying, selfish…”
you were stunned. he kept listing & listing awful words as you stared in disbelief. sure, you two disliked each other, but it was a silent agreement. a contract never to be discussed. your jaw hung open. you told yourself to close it before anyone noticed.
“… nosy, disgraceful, &… &…”
this made your jaw drop open again. bucky? stuttering? he alway made a point to be punctual & precise around you, never making a mistake. he wanted to prove he was superior in every way.
“& beautiful…” he avoided your eyes then.
what?
“… & humorous… & k-kind.”
you noticed the music was slowing, the song was coming to a close. a few couples actually had parted from the dance floor.
as the cello notes grew deeper & deeper, bucky pulled you into a dip, thus breaking the conversation. if you could call it that. he held you only with his metal arm, allowing you to fall right above the marble floor.
he then lifted his free arm, slowly & hesitating. he reached for your face, but he seemed scared. like you would break.
his fingertips brushed your cheekbone. it brought goosebumps to your arms. after brushing a few strands of hair past your ear, he rested his hand on your cheek. it was warm, & it felt… comfortable?
you couldn’t believe you were letting bucky do this. it was like you were paralyzed; you couldn’t refuse. but at the same time, you didn’t want to.
with this hand on your face, he pulled you back up. your faces were closer than ever. you could smell the shot of whiskey he had when he first entered the ballroom.
just as slowly as he reached his arm up, he leaned in closer to you. when his eyes closed, yours followed in suit. what? why?
your lips touched & the goosebumps came back. it was soft & gentle, yet passionate. this made your heart feel full & as if it would explode.
but you hated bucky. how could he make you feel this way? how could your feelings of him change in five minutes? was it even possible?
your head was buzzing with questions but they disappeared as bucky kissed you again. with impeccable timing, he pulled away as the last note concluded.
“always wanted to do that,” he smiled.
“wh-“
“told you the dress would work,” steve’s voice came back loud in your earpiece.
Summary: I found a questionnaire for couples and I thought what if the relationships I write about answered these?
BUCKY X READER
Who hogs the blankets at night?
Everynight Bucky has to wake up and pull you close in your burrito of blankets. He smiles everytime and finds you eventually in the middle of the stack as he tries to shield his chest from the cold. He kisses your forehead before he goes back to sleep to wake up with you tucked in all of the blankets again by morning.
If you two fall asleep on the couch it usually turns Bucky into a blanket hog however. He tucks it around the corners of your legs to get himself comfy before you know it he is asleep and turned over with a blanket wrapped around him like a toga. You giggle every time and snap a picture while you can.
Who eats the uneaten pizza crust?
As you take small bites around the edge of the crust you toss the pieces onto your plate and sigh as you clean your fingers with a napkin. You paused the movie and walked over to the counter and set your plate down. You turned around to grab something to drink as Bucky came over and gasped.
“What?”
“You don’t eat the pizza crust? That’s the best part!” He loudly stated as he picked up one of the pieces and chewed it.
“I don’t like the taste of plain dough. You can have them if you want.”
“Just another reason we were made for each other, Doll.” He smiled as he pulled you against him for a hug and joined you on the couch with your pizza crusts.
Who is crying over a sad movie?
Your nose was tucked against the blanket as Bucky ran his fingers through your hair. You had agreed to watch this movie Bucky suggested and it was pulling at your heart strongly. You held back your tears for most of the movie but just as the two old lovers who thought they didn’t love each other admit their feelings you feel tears coming to your eyes. You sat up and scooted closer into Bucky’s side as you watch intently. The woman reached up from the wheelchair and laced her fingers with the man’s. “I love you.” The woman said just loudly enough for the man in the hospital bed to hear. “It took you long enough.” As the two people hugged you felt a tear breech over your eyelid and fall over your cheek. As romantic music played in the background the old woman crawled into the bed with the man and they shared a soft kiss. You grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled it against your chest, getting his attention on your tears. As the screen went black you heard the heart monitor go into a dead tone and tears fell rapidly. You sniffled into your hands as you let the tears fall and the movie ended to show real life pictures of the couple. Whimpering a bit Bucky pulled you onto his lap and kissed your temple. “I didn’t know it would make you cry.”
“It was just so sweet, to be together like that, their entire lives they were in love with each other and they finally got their moment and died! How are you not bawling?!”
“Aw it’s okay baby. We have hundreds of years together.” You snuggled against his chest as you got to pick the next movie for the night.
Who talks smack on game nights?
“Who is the queen now?!” You exclaimed as you placed a hotel on each of your owned properties on the monopoly board.
“Don’t get too cocky now Princess.”
“I’m gonna win! Daddy’s gonna loose!” You chided happily as he landed on your most expensive place. Holding your hand out with a winning smirk you heard him grumble as he gave you the money he owed for rent. “Thank you for visiting.” You laughed as you rolled the dice and landed on the free parking space. “Yes!”
“You have to be cheating.”
“Don’t be a sore looser James.”
“Watch it Doll. You haven’t won yet.”
“It’s hard to hold it back when I know what’s gonna happen!” You were excited you had never won a game and you were promised no punishments for anything that happened for the rest of the night. You smiled as he landed on yet another one of your properties and paid you even more of his money. You laughed as you drew a chance card and read that you had to pay housing fees for each hotel, which costed 175 for each one. You brushed it off saying how you would just win it back on your next roll, seeing free parking was near. Bucky rolled and sucked on his lip as he moved to the free parking spot and picked up the stack of paper money you had just set down.
“Looks like my luck is changing Doll.”
“Not for long.” You rolled and landed on a railroad. Rolling your eyes as you counted out $400 dollars for Bucky he flashed a playboy smile at you.
“I’ll take an apology now and wont punish you.”
“No. I will still win this!” You huffed as Bucky rolled again and landed on community chest which had him land on go and collect another 400. You rolled and landed on luxury tax which broke you down to your last 100. As you nervously passed Go your money went back up to three but you landed on Bucky’s railroad piece.
“Gonna have to mortgage Sweets.”
“Shut up.” You chewed on your thumb a bit before picking up your yellow set along with your orange and selling them to the bank to get just enough to pay Bucky rent. “There, Let’s hurry this up.”
“Woah! Someone isn’t so happy now that they are losing.”
“I’m not losing, just a bit behind.”
“Mhm. C’mere, I miss you.” You stood up as Bucky made his move on the board and blushed as he pulled you down to his lap. “That’s better.” He pressed a kiss against your neck, causing you to lean back against him. “Better focus before you lose.” You huffed as you grabbed the die and rolled and landed on go to jail.
“Fuck!” You yelled and you felt Bucky’s hand moving around to tease you and eventually forget the game.
Bucky
Who hogs the blankets at night
Everynight Bucky has to wake up and pull you close in your burrito of blankets. He smiles everytime and finds you eventually in the middle of the stack as he tries to shield his chest from the cold. He kisses your forehead before he goes back to sleep to wake up with you tucked in all of the blankets again by morning.
If you two fall asleep on the couch it usually turns Bucky into a blanket hog however. He tucks it around the corners of your legs to get himself comfy before you know it he is asleep and turned over with a blanket wrapped around him like a toga. You giggle every time and snap a picture while you can.
Who eats the uneaten pizza crust
As you take small bites around the edge of the crust you toss the pieces onto your plate and sigh as you clean your fingers with a napkin. You paused the movie and walked over to the counter and set your plate down. You turned around to grab something to drink as Bucky came over and gasped.
“What?”
“You don’t eat the pizza crust? That’s the best part!” He loudly stated as he picked up one of the pieces and chewed it.
“I don’t like the taste of plain dough. You can have them if you want.”
“Just another reason we were made for each other, Doll.” He smiled as he pulled you against him for a hug and joined you on the couch with your pizza crusts.
Who is crying over a sad movie
Your nose was tucked against the blanket as Bucky ran his fingers through your hair. You had agreed to watch this movie Bucky suggested and it was pulling at your heart strongly. You held back your tears for most of the movie but just as the two old lovers who thought they didn’t love each other admit their feelings you feel tears coming to your eyes. You sat up and scooted closer into Bucky’s side as you watch intently. The woman reached up from the wheelchair and laced her fingers with the man’s. “I love you.” The woman said just loudly enough for the man in the hospital bed to hear. “It took you long enough.” As the two people hugged you felt a tear breech over your eyelid and fall over your cheek. As romantic music played in the background the old woman crawled into the bed with the man and they shared a soft kiss. You grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled it against your chest, getting his attention on your tears. As the screen went black you heard the heart monitor go into a dead tone and tears fell rapidly. You sniffled into your hands as you let the tears fall and the movie ended to show real life pictures of the couple. Whimpering a bit Bucky pulled you onto his lap and kissed your temple. “I didn’t know it would make you cry.”
“It was just so sweet, to be together like that, their entire lives they were in love with each other and they finally got their moment and died! How are you not bawling?!”
“Aw it’s okay baby. We have hundreds of years together.” You snuggled against his chest as you got to pick the next movie for the night.
Who talks smack on game nights
“Who is the queen now?!” You exclaimed as you placed a hotel on each of your owned properties on the monopoly board.
“Don’t get too cocky now Princess.”
“I’m gonna win! Daddy’s gonna loose!” You chided happily as he landed on your most expensive place. Holding your hand out with a winning smirk you heard him grumble as he gave you the money he owed for rent. “Thank you for visiting.” You laughed as you rolled the dice and landed on the free parking space. “Yes!”
“You have to be cheating.”
“Don’t be a sore looser James.”
“Watch it Doll. You haven’t won yet.”
“It’s hard to hold it back when I know what’s gonna happen!” You were excited you had never won a game and you were promised no punishments for anything that happened for the rest of the night. You smiled as he landed on yet another one of your properties and paid you even more of his money. You laughed as you drew a chance card and read that you had to pay housing fees for each hotel, which costed 175 for each one. You brushed it off saying how you would just win it back on your next roll, seeing free parking was near. Bucky rolled and sucked on his lip as he moved to the free parking spot and picked up the stack of paper money you had just set down.
“Looks like my luck is changing Doll.”
“Not for long.” You rolled and landed on a railroad. Rolling your eyes as you counted out $400 dollars for Bucky he flashed a playboy smile at you.
“I’ll take an apology now and wont punish you.”
“No. I will still win this!” You huffed as Bucky rolled again and landed on community chest which had him land on go and collect another 400. You rolled and landed on luxury tax which broke you down to your last 100. As you nervously passed Go your money went back up to three but you landed on Bucky’s railroad piece.
“Gonna have to mortgage Sweets.”
“Shut up.” You chewed on your thumb a bit before picking up your yellow set along with your orange and selling them to the bank to get just enough to pay Bucky rent. “There, Let’s hurry this up.”
“Woah! Someone isn’t so happy now that they are losing.”
“I’m not losing, just a bit behind.”
“Mhm. C’mere, I miss you.” You stood up as Bucky made his move on the board and blushed as he pulled you down to his lap. “That’s better.” He pressed a kiss against your neck, causing you to lean back against him. “Better focus before you lose.” You huffed as you grabbed the die and rolled and landed on go to jail.
“Fuck!” You yelled as you ended up having to pay to get out of jail and landing on the railroads owned by Bucky.
Who always sings with the radio?
As Bucky drove to the cabin he had surprised you with for an anniversary you clicked on the radio. He smiled as the music grew louder in the car and you rolled down the windows. You laughed as you danced in your seat with the music before your voice began to carry through the car. Bucky grabbed your hand and brought it up to his lips with a kiss.
“Sing with me!” You searched through your playlist for your wedding song and a shine grew in his eye. Bucky took a turn and you held your free hand out of the window.
Who would accidentally burn the kitchen down cooking?
You rushed over to the sink to finish rinsing the potatoes before your meat began to burn. You had been working for hours in the kitchen and this was your second attempt to make dinner for Bucky. He had been sent on a month-long mission and even if he skipped dinner and went straight to dessert you still wanted it to be perfect for him. He had texted you when his plane landed and how long it would be until he was home. You took a deep breath before mixing and sliding the meal into the oven. Prepping the next step for your potatoes you smelled the air and cursed yourself for forgetting the pie on the top rack of the oven. You had set the oven to broil to try and crisp the skin of the fish you were cooking and completely forgot about it. You pulled open the oven door after shutting the oven off for the area to fill with black smoke. You began coughing and couldn’t hear the door open. Bucky immediately dropped his bag and searched for you.
“Doll?!”
“There’s no way you’re home already?!” You stomped your foot on the floor as you felt him pulling you away from the stove. You moved your hand to clear the air around you a bit before rushing over to the windows to let the house air out.
“Are you okay?”
“Yea. I was trying to make you a special dinner.”
“Well I’m glad I got home before you burned down the house.”
“But now dinner is ruined.”
“That’s okay, I’m craving something sweet anyway.” Your laughed echoed as he carried you to the bedroom.
Who does the shopping?
You tried taking Bucky with you to the grocery store but it was proving to be difficult. He was excited at all of the new food and loaded up your cart with these useless things he would never finish and would end up going out of date. After the five hours spent in the grocery store you sat down with him and told him to list off things he wanted to try because you were going to the store alone from now on. He whined to go with you but eventually gave up when you promised to buy him one new thing each time.
Who kills the spiders?
You screamed at the top of your lungs before hopping on the center counter and tucking your feet under your butt.
“What’s wrong Doll?”
“Spider. Sink. Get it!” You waved your hand over to the area and whined when you saw it move higher up the side of the sink.
“Calm down. Hand me a paper towel.”
“Ew, here.” You tossed the sheet in the air for it to miss Bucky’s hand completely and fall to the floor.
“Doll, It’s not gonna reach you over there.”
“Don’t care. Kill it.” Bucky reached down to pick up the sheet before pressing it against the spider and crumpling it up in the trash.
“Better?”
“My hero.” You wrapped your arms around him for a hug before you each went back to cleaning.
Who is the Morning or Night person?
Every morning Bucky wakes you up with kisses and cuddles because he has been laying in bed for an hour now wanting to get up. Sometimes you could convince him to stay in bed with you and it would always be a loving lazy morning, where you wouldn’t leave until noon. Other times Bucky was trying to wake you up to spend the morning with him. He always asked about going on his run with him or having breakfast at the cafe downstairs. You would always try to make it to some of his early activities the same way he would spend the day in bed with you.
But ever so often you would sleep the mornings away and Bucky would be asleep as you read a book into the night. You were a night owl. Always had been always will be. Something about the mystery of the night always pulled you towards it. Bucky would try to stay up with you but he would fall asleep on the couch with you awake at 3 in the morning finishing a movie.
Who is more loving?
Bucky is loving with gestures. He will tell you he loves you every day no matter what but if it comes to it he will always choose a gesture to make you blush and have a permanent smile on your face because you know how special you are. Bucky is going to say you, but that’s because you showed him how to love. He knew before HYDRA but after he had lost every part of him and basically have to restart. You reminded him of his favorite feeling in the world and he would do anything to hold onto it.
Warnings: A little bit of angst, language, mentions of wiping one’s memories, two idiots being in love and too afraid to tell each other
A/N: This one was inspired by the song Drive by Halsey! Also this is set after the events of The Winter Soldier! Hope you like it!
“Are you sure? They’d be looking for you as well…”, he interjected with a tight voice, and watched you with his blue eyes, gleaming in the neon light of a diner-sign.
“I know what I’m getting myself into, Bucky. Even if that makes me guilty. Someone needs to have your back at least, right?”, you replied, forcing a small smile.
He stared at you for a while before he sighed. He opened the door of the getaway car he got some hours ago and motioned you to get in. Putting your bag in the backseat, you got into the vehicle. He started the motor, driving towards the direction of the highway, and thus also turning the page into a new chapter.
Looking out of the side window, you watched the buildings, bars and broken-down gas stations, which glowed in a sickening yellow tone coming from the old street lanterns. You glanced at Bucky from the corner of your eye, him nervously tapping on the steering wheel, pressing the gas pedal when turning into the highway and speeding up. As he moved the stick shift, you put your hand on his and observed him from the side. The way his hair fell onto his face. The way his jaw clenched. The stubble on his chin, the light illuminating his eyes.
“You know you don’t have to do this,” he spoke quietly. “Bucky, I’ve already told you. Hydra is after you. Shield is after you. Or at least whatever’s left of them… You will need someone to help you get things sorted out”, you replied calmly.
He glanced at you, then moving his glimpse back on the open street in front of him. He knew it was a lie. He knew that you did all of this, because you didn’t want him to go. Because you couldn’t let him go. You couldn’t live with the pain.
But in return, you also knew that Bucky didn’t want to leave you. You knew that he was secretly glad you didn’t let him go alone, that you followed him to wherever you might be going.
This was just what you did. Thinking about the feelings that you hide. Waiting for a sign. Never leaving this endless drive to nowhere.
“Come with me! They’ll wipe you again if they find out you remember!”
He stared at you, unsure of what to do. “Listen to me. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. Your friends called you Bucky. You’re from Brooklyn. You were a sergeant and soldier in the 107th infantry regiment during the Second World War. Believe me, goddamnit, you have to believe me! I found the files. Trust me, please…”, you went on, searching for his eyes. He looked up and stared at you, before he bleakly whispered: “I can’t…”
You screamed. Screamed at him. Screamed at him to get his shit together and go with you. But you only did so internally. Instead, you pulled him towards you and kissed him until you heard the sound of voices coming closer. You broke away from him. “Remember me”, you told him and rushed down the stairs to the exit, leaving a very perplexed Bucky Barnes in the hallway of the Hadra Basis.
Last week he knocked on your door and asked for help. It was Bucky Barnes who, one year after that kiss, stood at your door and asked for help. He was on the flight and needed a faked passport to leave the country.
And now you were sitting silently in a getaway car, on the way to the airport, missing all the exit signs. And all you do is drive.
The memory is like an aching echo in your head, boring through your hollow chest, spreading over the emptiness. And you can’t but think about the kiss that was eternity ago, how his lips felt on yours. Would it kill you if you did it again?
(If you want to request headcanons/ drabbles, my askbox ist still open!)
Bucky sighed deeply, eyes closed. Head leaned back on the pillows.
There was just something about a rainy day— thunderstorms darkening the sky, shaking the heavens. It felt… cleansing, if he were cliche enough to believe so.
Hi, friends! I am back back back again- I’ve emerged from under a pile of work shit to bestow some heavy angst upon you.
If you like what you read, throw me a reblog so others can find it
Warnings: angsty angst
“I wrote you a letter, I said I was better. I said I would never know why you left like a bandit, It’s not like we planned it, but I’ll leave the light on for a while. And I’ll leave the linen the way they’ve been slept in, the sheets on the bed in a pile. And I’ll wear your ring on the right hand for a while”.
Nat’s eye caught the hint of gold that adorned your finger. Her eyes lingered on the simple band and small diamond, the last reminder you’d held on to. Everything Bucky left behind rested inside stacked boxes that overpopulated your hall closet- everything except that ring. “So you’re still wearing that thing, huh?” Nat’s eyes flitted from the ring to your face and back again, instant regret pooling in her chest when she noticed your expression change. Almost instantly, your small smile melted into the dejected grimace she’d come to know. It was the only look you wore for months after Bucky’s sudden departure, so much so that Nat feared your face might get stuck that way.
She watched you stare down at the memento that sat comfortably on the ring finger of your right hand. Memories of the night Bucky presented it to you lifted your spirits for a short moment, only for them to come crashing right back down.
WARNINGS:friends to lovers, minor angst, brief discussion of therapy, mention of divorce, flirting, smut
NOTE: This fic takes place between Avengers: Endgame and the events of Falcon & the Winter Soldier. The reader has a nickname - “Tricks.” I haven’t posted a fic in several months, so please rb and comment on this one to boost it a little!
I do not consent to minors (17-) reading my work. This story is 18+ only. Do not save, download, or repost my work on any other sites.
It’s late when your phone dings. It’s been a few days since you got any messages, and the high-pitched beeping startles you from your resting place on your couch. It’s Bucky, funnily enough. The man hasn’t texted you for weeks, probably because the government’s watching him close and nobody in their right mind likes that level of privacy invasion.
The text is simple, short and to the point. No hello’sorhow are you’s.
> Are you busy?
You text back quickly, watching the DELIVERED notification almost instantly turn to READ.
< no. why?
> Want to come over? Got pizza.
You chew on your lower lip, contemplating whether or not to say yes. You were looking forward to a quiet night in, avoiding people that only want you around if you can save the day or if you can tell some basement-dwelling conspiracy theorist about what really happened at the Avengers compound.
The number of times you used rutting is the number of times I painted my pants, feel me?
Not to get too distracted from the DEED
I’ll truly never get over how natural all your interactions with Bucky feel. It’s just… I mean, I can’t think of better ones. Little pockets of time that feel so real and so raw. They’re nerve wracking. Some people write and you can see where a conversation is going from a mile away. Not you. Never you. I’m nervously reading every word, living the conversation right along with them. Your characters are so full of life and truly could go any direction at any time. I love it. They’re my friends, no one can tell me otherwise.
Tbh. Your shit just hits different. I feel in my heart.
And my pants
(Insert Ciara gif Bc her tunes and your smuts make me feel the same. I dedicate “Ride” to Bucky. May we break in your bed -in the words of Ludacris- “Let the 808 thump and the beat go bump ‘cause she ride it like a thoroughbred”)
BUCKY FOUND A REASON FOR A BED. PASS IT ON.
Thank youuuuu
The lack of notes on this fic is actually criminal.
TW: eating disorder. (This is a personal experience of mine except I didn’t have a Bucky or Bruce to help me through it so be nice?) This is mostly unedited I’m gonna be honest.
!Fatws! Bucky x !stark! reader but it’s not really there if I’m honest
Y/N pov
“Hey doll, how was your day today?”
Bucky said hugging me from behind
“it was alright same old same old, working on suit upgrades and more innovative tech stuff.”
“Sounds boring… is it cool if I make us dinner tonight?”
“You never have to ask to make dinner my love I’m just not sure if I’m very hungry today, sorry”
“Is work stressing you out? I can tell stark to go easy on you, would that help at all?”
“Don’t bother you know him, he’s all work no fun. But thanks anyway”
“Well you should try to eat something, you hardly ate anything yesterday and I bet it was the same today.”
He’s to good to me. I’ve known something was wrong for a while I’ve just chosen to ignore it, I don’t have time to deal with it anyway.
“I’ll try, for you.”
“Thank you doll.”
After eating what I could which consisted of four green beans, a spoonful of mashed potatoes and two bites of chicken, a total of 29.25 calories. We settled down and watched a movie.
“Darling is everything okay? You seem a bit off, I don’t know how to explain it but something seems wrong.”
“Bucky, I’m fine I promise.”
I seal the sentiment with a kiss on his cheek and he did seem convinced but left the conversation at that for the night.
6 months later
“Y/N can you bring me the box on the counter?” Bruce asked.
“Yeah of course.”
I go to grab the box but it was heavier than I expected and I fell. Bruce comes jogging over checking if I’m okay.
“What happened y/n, did you trip or something?”
“No it was just a lot heavier than I thought. I’m fine”
Bruce picked it up with no trouble, I blame it on hot head in there but me and him both know that’s not true.
“Y/n somethings wrong and we both know it. Your losing strength and don’t think no ones noticed your hair thinning, you’ve gotten so much smaller. What’s going on.”
“I think you can take a pretty good guess. Just please don’t tell dad, he’ll make a huge deal about it and I really don’t need that.”
“Does Bucky know?”
“No, no he doesn’t. We’ve both been to busy with training and missions to spend real time with each other. Once that ends he will.”
“Y/n you have to tell someone. It’s only going to get worse if you keep doing it.”
“You don’t think I know that Bruce.”
“I’m saying it’s getting bad. I’m surprised I’m the first to see it. Y/n it’s dangerous. Just promise me you will at least tell Bucky. Please?”
“… fine. But if anyone else find out… I don’t know or want to know what will happen.”
Bucky’s pov
Somethings wrong with y/n. She hasn’t been eating hardly anything, I’ve only seen her drink water and occasionally a vegetable, but she goes straight to the training room after and work for hours on end. I’m worried about her.
“Buck… can I talk to you?”
“Actually I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something too.”
“You first”
“You first”
We both say in unison.
“Uh you can go first”
“Bucky… I haven’t been eating. I’m losing muscle and my hair is thinning. I don’t know what to do.”
I was right. Somethings wrong. How do I help her?
“I’ve noticed that. That’s what I was going to talk to you about actually. I can hell you in any way you need me to doll please don’t be afraid to ask me for anything my love.”
“I don’t really know how to get better. Just like, when we’re training don’t let me overwork myself and, if you could, eat with me. I think that would help.”
“Of course my love.”
Imma leave it there because it’s 5:00 am and I have things I need to do tomorrow. Love you <3
Summary: In the blink of an eye, this complete stranger suddenly became your only lifeline.
Pairing:Bucky x y/n
Word Count:4k
Warnings:Language
Author’s Note: So, I’m not dead. To any new followers I’ve gained since my last post, welcome, thank you and sorry for my unbelievably crap posting schedule. To all my old followers, thank you for sticking around, I appreciate you v much. Hope this story is alright, just trying to get back into the swing of things with a quick oneshot. Love y’all.
—
Same nose, similar ears. The ears usually give it away. But then, one redhead and one blonde? Maybe they’re- shit, a kiss. Didn’t guess in time. Damn, I am not doing well today, won’t be breaking my record streak anytime soo-
‘You alright?’
You snapped back to reality, eyes flicking away from the front window to focus on the broad man who’d appeared on the opposite side of the counter.
‘Hmm, what?’ It took a good few seconds for you to remember where you were. ‘Yeah, sorry, what can I get you?’
He tried to suppress the deep chuckle vibrating through his chest. ‘Black coffee, two sugars.’
‘Something funny?’
‘No, just uh-’ he glanced away for a second, embarrassed, obviously not registering your playful tone, ‘that’s the third time I asked. You must’a been miles away.’
While he was hesitating, you’d taken a quick second to scan your eyes him. He was wearing a pair of old, worn-out jeans and a dark jacket, an outfit you wouldn’t have looked twice at if it weren’t for the single, black leather glove that covered his left hand. Your eyebrows scrunched slightly in confusion when you spotted it, then quickly relaxed again when you decided to write it off as some kind of odd fashion statement. He couldn’t have been too late into his thirties, but his right hand was calloused and weathered, so much so that it looked as though should’ve belonged to someone twice his age. His rough stubble obviously hadn’t been touched with a razor for a good few days and you weren’t entirely confident he’d showered this week yet, somehow, he was kinda pulling it off.
You shuffled towards the coffee machine to start his order. ‘Sorry, I was just thinking.’
‘Anything worth sharing?’
‘Not really, I was just playing a stupid game. Helps pass the time when it’s slow.’
He shrugged slightly, a faint smile appearing as he replied. ‘I like games.’
You were quiet for a second, trying to size this stranger up. His eyebrows slowly crept up his forehead in anticipation.
‘It’s gonna sound weird, but sometimes I like trying to guess what kinda relationship people have before they give it away.’ You knew you were coming across crazy even as the words were leaving your lips. ‘Like, those two holding hands outside? At first I thought maybe they were brother and sister. Same ears.’
He quickly glanced at them over his shoulder. ‘You do that all day? Surely most people aren’t hard to figure out.’
‘You’d think so,’ you leaned in and tried your best to maintain a sincere expression, ‘but every so often you come across a couple with a huge age gap and it rocks your damn world.’
A rumbling laugh escaped from his throat which set you off giggling as you secured the lid of his takeout cup and placed in front of him.
‘Two fifty.’
He grabbed the drink with his gloved hand and rustled around in his pocket with the other, eventually pulling out a crumpled five dollar note and sliding it across the counter.
‘Keep the change,’ he quickly clocked your stunned expression, ‘for the entertainment.’
‘Wow, thanks. Have fun playing.’
‘I definitely will.’
You kept your eyes glued to him as he strode through the door and past the front window, only realising after he was out of sight that a wide, giddy grin had settled itself on your face.
Stupid, there was no way a guy like that was single.
—
It’d been over a week and you’d almost forgotten your interaction with the handsome stranger. Heavy footsteps trudged over the threshold and became louder as they headed in your direction, but you didn’t look up from the coffee stain you were furiously trying to scrub off the counter. Absolutely nothing had gone your way today, and your frustrations had been made even worse by a string of asshole customers, so this was a war you refused to lose.
A weathered set of fingers came to rest a few inches away from the brown-tinged battleground.
‘You were right.’ You swiftly lifted your gaze, your heart leaping slightly when his shining blue eyes met yours. ‘I saw a couple in the park the other day, and I swear she must’ve been twice his age, so I thought she was his mom. Then…’
‘Then?’
He leaned in slightly, eyes wide. ‘They started making out.’
‘Wild, right? I told you.’
‘My world was pretty rocked.’
You chuckled, pushing yourself upright and moseying over to the coffee machine. ‘Black coffee, two sugars?’
‘Mhmm.’ He seemed a little nervous as he cleared his throat and ran his hands over his jeans. ‘I’m James, by the way. Friends call me Bucky.’
‘What should I call you?’
The corner of his mouth twitched slightly. ‘Whatever you want.’
‘Deal,’ you emptied two sachets of white sugar into his cup, ‘I’m y/n. Just y/n.’
There was a short silence. You noticed his jeans, the same pair he’d been wearing on his last visit, had been scrubbed clean. There was a different long sleeved tee poking out from beneath his jacket, but it could’ve easily been mistaken for the same one by a less invested observer. You could tell he’d shaved, and possibly even showered, cause the strong scent of his aftershave was overpowering the stale coffee smell you’d grown so tired of. Maybe he was on his way somewhere special?
‘You got big plans later?’
‘No, just came out for a walk,’ he eyed his cup while you brought it over to the counter, ‘and for the best coffee in the city.’
As you placed it in front of him, you found yourself a little distracted, pondering why on earth he’d groom himself so thoroughly for a walk in the park; lost in deep thought, you completely neglected to release your hand. Bucky instinctively went in for the grab and, very briefly, enclosed your hand in his.
He pulled away and quietly apologised. The encounter was so quick that you could’ve blinked and missed the bolt of excitement that gleamed in his eye- but you saw it.
In an obvious attempt to diffuse some of the tension, he started to root around in his pocket for another crumpled note, but you waved your hand to stop him.
‘On the house.’
‘You sure?’
‘Mhmm,’ you smothered a playful smirk, ‘for the entertainment.’
He smiled and began heading towards the door, but decisively swivelled back round just before he reached it.
‘Would you, maybe, want to grab a drink later? We could play your game together,’ he gestured at the empty counter beside you, ‘might be nice for you to have someone to talk to. Not that I think you’re lonely or anything, I’m sure you’ve got loads of people to talk to, I just meant-’
‘Four.’
‘Four?’
‘I finish at four.’
A grin spread across his face. ‘Great. I’ll see you then.’
—
You checked your phone for what felt like the hundredth time.
4:47
How long should you wait before it becomes pathetic? Did he think you said five?
You audibly sighed, double-checking that the coffee shop door was locked before trudging away down the street. Well, that’s what you get for agreeing to dates with random dudes- he probably got a better offer.
Rummaging around in your bag, eyes firmly glued to the sidewalk, you pulled out your headphones and relished the instant relief when they enclosed your ears and blocked out all the obnoxious sounds of the city. All you wanted to do was get home, put on your ketchup-stained lounge pants and cry in front of a rom-com.
Then something hit your shoulder. Hard.
You snapped your head around to see the person who’d just crashed into you, still running at full speed, seemingly unfazed by the fact he’d almost knocked you off your feet. Out the corner of your eye, you noticed a hoard of other fast moving figures, and suddenly realised that everyone else on the street was running as fast as they could in the same direction.
Incredibly confused, you reached up to slide your headphones off. That’s when you heard it. Distant screaming, gunfire, and a low, consistent thudding like footsteps- but far too loud to belong to any animal you’d ever heard of. You slowly turned on the spot, dreading what you were going to see.
It was worse than you could’ve imagined.
A horrifying, four-legged creature, towering above the rows of shops and apartments, destroying street lamps and trees with every step it took towards you. It was clad in some kind of metal armour and had a face like a lizard without scales or skin.
You wanted to run, but quickly realised you were frozen on the spot. You tried to scream but couldn’t produce anything of worthy volume. All you could do was stand there, faintly whimpering, as death stared you in the face. By the time you noticed the smaller, human-sized beings charging towards you, they were already close enough to get a good shot.
There was a loud electrical crackle, followed by an intense burning pain in your stomach. The shock knocked you to your knees as the edges of your vision darkened, the hot sting travelling through every inch of your body, the sounds of panic around you slowly becoming muffled and distant.
Then everything went dark.
—
Your eyes painstakingly peeled open. The light hanging above you was dim, but the glow it gave out was enough to sting, forcing you back into a pained squint. Your mind was a complete blank and everything was quiet around you as your vision slowly adjusted.
Unfortunately, you were only granted a few seconds of peaceful consciousness before the agony started. It started in your ribs, then slowly seared down your limbs like fire travelling along a trail of gunpowder, trying to find the point of ignition. You panicked as the sensation grew and began frantically scanning your surroundings to find any point of familiarity, but it was no use. You had no idea where the hell you were.
The ceiling above you was faintly stained with patches of damp, some of which had leaked down and formed brown streaks on the peeling wallpaper. There was a small window to your right, the drawn net curtains letting in the faint, yellow light of early evening. To your left, a wide-open door. From your lying position all you could make out was the edge of an old-fashioned looking refrigerator. What was this place?
You tried to move, but anything more than a slight twitch of the fingers sent a pain through you so sharp that it took all the breath from your lungs. It felt like you were lying there, struggling and panicking, for hours before help came.
A figure eventually appeared in the door, rapidly shooting to your side once it realised you were conscious. You blinked rapidly, clearing the tears that had been swelling in your eyes, to see Bucky drop to his knees beside the bed.
‘What the fuck is going on?’ Your voice was almost imperceptibly quiet, the heady mixture of pain and panic suppressing it to a breathy whisper.
‘Just breathe, slowly, try to remember.’
‘Where are we?’
‘Outside the city, somewhere safe.’
‘Safe?’
With that word came a crashing torrent of memories. You remembered the thudding, the creature, the fear. You remembered the approach of death with crushing certainty. Tightly gripping the bed sheets, you searched Bucky’s eyes, pleading with him to reassure you.
‘Am I dead?’
He let a husky chuckle slip through his lips. That brief, gentle display of calm was enough to dampen your panic, if just for a second.
‘No, you’re alive. I managed to get you out of there,’ he glanced down to your stomach, ‘but you are hurt.’
‘How bad is it?’
You sensed some reluctance in him as he hesitated, likely debating the best way to soften the blow. ‘It’ll take some time, but you’re gonna be okay. You just need to rest.’
So many more questions were whipping through your mind. What was that thing? What did ‘outside the city’ mean? Why did this guy, this stranger you’d only met twice, risk his life to remove you from that situation?
That last one seemed the most important to you at the time, so that was the one you asked.
Hints of guilt appeared in his expression. ‘You were still there, in harm’s way, cause of me. Any other day you might’a been home safe, so least I can do is make sure you’re okay.’
Pain was still ringing through your body but his soft, calm voice had managed to soothe you a little. You weren’t sure what to say. It was true, you’d have been halfway home on the subway by that time on a normal day, but you could hardly blame him for that. He couldn’t have known that a colossal amount of shit was about to hit the fan.
‘Well,’ you took deep, shaky breaths as you spoke and tried your best to match his serene energy, ‘this is definitely the weirdest first date I’ve ever been on.’
‘Me too.’
He seemed relieved at your tone, but your line of questioning wasn’t over yet. Besides, talking was distracting you from the pain, so you weren’t willing to give that up anytime soon.
‘How did you get me out of there? How are you not dead?’ That one hit a chord with him, the long, tense silence that followed only broken by you prompting him again for some answers. ‘Who are you, Bucky?’
Once he started to explain, you half-wished you’d never asked. There was no way, in your current state, that you could even begin to wrap your head around all the insane, inconceivable things he started confessing. You could hardly call him a liar, though. Not while his solid metal arm was resting on the bed sheets beside you.
He finally finished and kept his wide eyes fixed on you, silently waiting for your reaction. You swallowed harshly. Any reasonable person would’ve begun eagerly reeling off a list of questions related to his completely unbelievable stories but, for reasons beyond your comprehension, only one thing popped into your mind.
‘You could’ve called.’
He laughed again, louder this time. ‘I was a little busy.’
‘Only would’ve taken a second.’
‘I don’t have your number.’
‘Could’ve googled the coffee shop’s number.’
‘While I was fighting aliens?’
You let your annoyed pretence slip, your mouth curling into a smile. ‘Yes.’
‘Fine, next time we have a date and something comes up, even if it’s huge and world-threatening, I promise I’ll call. Alright?’ You did your best to give him a contented nod, even that slight movement reminding you of the pain he’d been very effectively distracting you from. ‘Now, can I get you anything?’
‘I wouldn’t say no to a hefty dose of drugs.’
‘I’ll get you some painkillers.’ He rose to his feet before opening the top drawer of a small chest near where he’d been kneeling, his hands diving in and beginning to search. ‘I meant to ask, you got any family in the city you want to check up on? I have a phone you can use.’
‘Thanks, but no, I don’t.’
‘Anywhere else?’
‘Nope,’ you curved your mouth into a slightly self-pitying frown as he turned back towards you, ‘it’s just me.’
‘Me too.’
—
Some time passed. It could’ve been a week, could’ve been a month- the days all bled together while you stared at the grim ceiling of that bedroom.
Maybe it was the heaps of painkillers, or maybe it was your brain’s feeble attempt to prevent you spiralling into full breakdown, but the reality of your situation never seemed to properly hit you. The city you lived in was on full, alien-induced lockdown while you were holed up in some crummy apartment miles away with a perfect stranger.
It was like the plot of a Stephen King novel.
Bucky spent a lot of time at your bedside, talking to you and answering any questions you had, emphasising over and over that he’d help you travel anywhere you wanted to go as soon as you felt strong enough. While your painstaking recovery started taking shape, you noticed that you’d begun to develop a deep, genuine trust in him- and maybe something more. You couldn’t exactly blame yourself, this was the man who’d saved your life after all.
This morning, you woke up to a loud clattering in the next room, followed by a hushed string of creative curse words. You had to lock a hand over your mouth to stop yourself laughing too loudly. Slowly, as you settled into consciousness, you found yourself feeling stronger than you’d felt in a long time. Maybe it was finally time for a change of scenery.
You managed to gradually heave yourself up, supporting your feeble body on various items of furniture as you shuffled towards freedom. You eventually reached the doorway and leant yourself against the frame, exhausted.
‘Little help?’
Bucky, who was crouching on the floor of the tiny kitchen area picking up what looked like shards of a ceramic mug, jolted to attention at the sound of your voice. He immediately dropped all the pieces he’d been meticulously collecting and hurried towards you.
‘Woah, what the hell are you doing? You alright?’
‘I’m good, it sounded like you might need a hand.’
He frowned and glanced over your shoulder at the empty bed and the sheets you’d half-dragged across the floor during your weak fumbling. ‘You climbed out of bed for the first time in weeks, ignoring your serious injury that isn’t even close to fully healed yet, to come help me put the coffee on?’
‘Well, when you put it like that…’
‘C’mon,’ he placed a supporting arm around your back, ‘you need to lie back down.’
‘No, please Buck. Being in that room is driving me crazy. Just give me a few minutes.’
He seemed reluctant, but your best puppy-dog eyes managed to sway him.
‘Alright, but you’re staying on the couch. You can’t be on your feet too long.’
He slowly walked you over to the tattered two-seater, setting you down gently before returning to clean up his mess. You took in your surroundings. The place looked exactly how you’d expected, dingy and run-down, a few old pieces of furniture filling the cramped space. You heard the faint sounds of traffic coming through the solitary window and just about felt the warmth coming from a two-bar heater on the opposite side of the room. The whole apartment was just this tiny living space, with a kitchen on the far wall, and the bedroom you’d become so familiar with.
As you adjusted yourself on the lumpy couch, you noticed a sleeping bag neatly folded on the floor beside you, which made you feel a little guilty. You’d been spreading yourself across a comfortable double bed for the past few weeks whilst Bucky had been curling himself up on this poky thing.
After a few minutes, he wandered back over with two steaming mugs of coffee, carefully handing you one and settling himself beside you.
‘About time I was the one making the coffee, huh?’
You smiled slightly whilst blowing on the hot liquid. ‘Black, two sugars?’
‘You got it.’
He obviously thought he was being sneaky, intently watching you whenever your eyes were pointed away, hints of concern penetrating his otherwise relaxed expression. He was like a coiled spring waiting for something terrible to happen, for the mug to slip from your grip and scold your lap, for blood to suddenly rush to your head, causing you to faint and rag-doll onto the floor. Whatever the disaster, he was ready.
His attempts at subtlety didn’t last long, however, as he soon just began asking whether you felt alright every couple of minutes. You didn’t mind though, it was pretty sweet and endearing.
‘I gotta say,’ you kept your eyes fixed on your drink, ‘I’ve never been on a first date that lasted this long before. Gotta be a good sign, right?’
‘I’d say so. I’m sure I’ve been enjoying it more than you, though.’
‘Eh, I’ve had worse dates.’
‘What, worse than being bed bound with a serious injury?’
‘You’ve obviously never used Tinder before.’ His soft laughter prompted a few butterflies to appear in your stomach and, as his gaze returned to yours, you struggled to suppress the feelings that had been slowly growing inside you these past few weeks. ‘To be completely honest, your company’s the only thing that’s kept me going.’
He shifted in his seat awkwardly, the skin around his cheeks reddening slightly as he audibly gulped. Had you misread this? The last thing you wanted to do was make him uncomfortable.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to-’
‘Don’t apologise.’ His voice was soft, regretful, but it seemed to gain a little more confidence for his next statement. ‘I feel the same.’
—
As more time passed, you grew stronger and felt yourself getting closer to Bucky. He began helping you into the front room every morning, where the two of you would while away the days talking, laughing and sitting at the window so you could play your favourite guessing game on the pairs of strangers walking past. He was pretty terrible at it, but that just made it all the more entertaining.
For a while you even found yourself downplaying the extent of your recovery in an effort to extend this time with him, complaining about aches and pains that had actually subsided days ago. You were worried that, after this ordeal was over, he’d decide there was no reason to continue spending time with you.
Eventually, though, you couldn’t pretend anymore. The city was safe again and you were ready to go home.
There was an undertone of sadness, in both of you it seemed, as Bucky helped you through the front door. You’d been able to walk confidently on your own for a while now, but he still insisted on being close in case anything happened. You were almost willing yourself to trip and fall as you made your way down the steep stairs.
He had to drive you through the centre of the city to reach your apartment, the extent of the destruction still evident even after all this time. Numerous roadblocks were in place, some buildings half-destroyed and others gone completely, piles of rubble being the only remaining evidence that they ever existed at all. You couldn’t imagine how the streets must’ve looked in the days following the event.
You saw people still going about their daily lives but, whenever Bucky stopped at a red light and you managed to catch a closer look at their faces, their agitation was obvious. People here were still living in fear, and you could hardly blame them. You were probably going to be doing the same.
The car eventually pulled up outside your ground-floor apartment. You dug around in your bag, the same one you’d been carrying on the day in question, and eventually found your keys. Buck stood in the doorway as you wandered in, half relieved to be home, half trying to fight off a looming depression.
‘You all good?’
‘I think so.’ You unceremoniously threw your bag onto the couch. ‘Thanks for everything, really. I don’t know how I’ll ever pay you back for everything you’ve done.’
‘Just stay safe.’
‘I’ll try my best.’
You thought he looked a little dejected as he nodded and took a couple steps backwards, his reluctance to turn away sparking a faint bolt of confidence in your chest. It was now or never.
Fuck it, you had nothing to lose.
‘I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if you came to check on me every once in a while, though?’
‘Yeah?’ The wind immediately started blowing back through his sails. ‘I mean, I could even take you on a second date, if you wanted. Hopefully the world won’t end this time.’
‘But if it does?’
‘I’ll call.’
The two of you stood opposite each other for a few seconds, smiling in silence, both waiting for the other to make the first move. You took the initiative.
Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, you yanked him towards you, your arms immediately encircling his neck as your lips crashed together. He carefully placed both hands on your back, obviously still worried about the possibility of hurting you. The two of you held that position for what felt like hours.
You found yourself beginning to slowly melt into him, but then something suddenly dawned on you, and you sharply pulled away.
‘I’ve just had a terrible thought.’
You felt him stiffen slightly. ‘What?’
‘What if people who see us in the street together guess we’re brother and sister?’
He chuckled through his words, his body again relaxing against you. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who does that, but we can always make it obvious that we’re not. Just in case.’
(Italicised wouldn’t let me tag, I remove untaggables after a few attempts but please feel free to resubmit on the form or hit me up if you want me to try again.)
Some of y’all might have forgotten you’re even on my taglist, apologies. If anyone wants to be taken off it please just hit me up, no hard feelings at all :)
Summary: You weren’t sure if you were witnessing a real change or if you were just a completely naive idiot… or both.
Pairing:College!Bucky x y/n
Word Count: 1.9k
Warnings:Language
Author’s Note: Mate I know how late this chapter is but my hormones have been kicking my butt recently. I ate a whole pack of mini scotch eggs yesterday. Anyway, enjoy!
—
The day swiftly came around, kill-or-cure time for your relationship with Bucky.
You tried to reassure yourself that a disastrous date wouldn’t be the end of the world, that if there was nothing meaningful there then the two of you would just move on, but that way of thinking did absolutely nothing to calm your anxiety. For some reason, a real, proper date felt so much more intimate and high-stakes than anything you’d already done together. This was the big time.
Unfortunately, your nervous disposition wasn’t being helped at all by the fact that you hadn’t spoken to Nat since the big blowout. You figured it’d be good to let things cool off a bit, give her time to realise she might’ve overreacted a little, but by this point you were beginning to worry that time might never come.
You resolved to just push Nat out of your mind for the day, your brain could only cope with one calamity at a time.
You paced around the kitchen and tied yourself in nervous knots as you waited for Bucky to arrive, the eventual shrill of the doorbell making you jump out of your skin. Your knees wobbled slightly as you descended and you winced at the idea of your first date starting with you in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
That’d be so fucking typical.
You just about managed to reach the front door in one piece, timidly swinging it open, your jaw immediately crashing to the floor at the sight that greeted you.
There was Bucky, arms folded across his chest, smugly leaning against the hood of an incredibly expensive-looking sports car.
You just gawked at him. It felt like a good minute passed before you even attempted to speak, but too many conflicting sentences tried to escape at once, so all you could produce was a sort of low mewling.
Bucky pushed himself onto his feet with a chuckle, holding his hands out sideways and walking towards you. ‘Neat, right?’
‘That’s one word for it. What happened to your Jeep?’
‘Nothing,’ he stopped right in front of you, ‘I just thought I’d borrow something a bit more flashy for our date.’
You shot him a suspicious frown. There was still a great deal you didn’t know about this boy, so the possibility that he’d stolen this car to impress you did briefly bubble up in your mind, but you quickly decided it was a risk you were willing to take. Riding in the passenger seat of that thing with Buck at the wheel would finally mean you fulfilling one of your saddest, guilty rom-com fantasies.
You gave a wide smile and brushed past him, pretending not to notice the way he’d begun to lean in. ‘Where are we going?’
‘You’ll see.’
‘Is that code for you have absolutely no idea yet?’
‘Usually, yes,’ he held open the passenger-side door for you before hopping into the driver’s seat, ‘but not this time.’
‘I’ll believe that when I see it.’
With a confident wink, Bucky draped his arm over the back of your seat, the car suddenly roaring into life beneath you and making your heart leap.
You drove for quite a bit longer than expected, the built-up city slowly falling away to rolling countryside. Eventually, much to your confusion, Bucky pulled into the driveway of a grand country manor. You were half-convinced he’d dragged you to some kind of weird cult initiation.
‘The hell are we doing here?’
‘We’re buyin.’
He switched off the engine and pointed out a yard sign you hadn’t noticed yet, which read:
For Sale
Open House Today
Bucky jumped from his seat and excitedly rounded the car to open your door, holding his arm out as you hesitantly joined him on the driveway. He tried to lead you towards the house, but you stayed firmly planted in place, giving him a prompting look when he swivelled round.
He gestured at your feet. ‘You gonna stand out here all day?’
‘I’m gonna stand out here until you tell me what the hell you’re up to.’
‘I just told you.’
‘Seriously? You can’t even afford to replace that beer-stained couch that smells like eggs, Buck.’
He shrugged. ‘I like the smell.’
‘Alright, now I know you’re bullshitting me.’
‘Fine.’ He reached for both your hands with a sigh, an earnest look spreading across his face. ‘I just wanted to do something different, to impress you, but the only stuff I could think of was a little outta my price range. Then my friend with the car told me how great these things are.’
You side-eyed the sign with slight suspicion. ‘Go on.’
‘There’s music, free champagne, cheese tasting and, best of all, buttloads of rich assholes to laugh at.’
You felt the corners of your mouth begin to curl upwards. It definitely wasn’t what you were expecting, but you could tell he’d put so much thought into it, and it did sound fun as hell.
‘Alright, I’m sold,’ you had to tug on Buck’s arms to keep him in place, ‘but you could’a given me some warning. They’re gonna take one look and throw me out on my ass.’
‘You kidding? You always look like a million dollars.’
You gave an eye roll before finally letting him drag you towards the grand entrance. After walking underneath a chandelier that looked like it cost more than your yearly rent, the reception room opened up before you, Bucky immediately becoming so distracted by the array of hors d'oeuvres on display that he didn’t notice the horrified-looking agent.
Her heels obnoxiously clicked over the marble as she shot in your direction. ‘Can I help you? This open house is for potential buyers only.’
‘Of course. I’m James, this is my lovely wife Anoushka.’ You had to abruptly point your face upwards and pretend to closely survey the ceiling in order to hide your growing smile. ‘We’re very interested in this property.’
‘I don’t recall speaking to you in advance.’
‘Well that’s just a lack of professionalism on your part, really. I’m sure your manager would love to hear about it.’
After frowning and eyeing you both suspiciously, she actually backed off, leaving you absolutely gobsmacked that Bucky had managed to pull that off.
You turned towards him and whispered. ‘Anoushka?’
‘What? It’s sexy.’ His arm snaked around your waist. ‘Suits you.’
After just ten minutes, you were a bottle of champagne deep and he’d annihilated a whole cheese board. This was the greatest date of your life.
The two of you slowly wandered around the rest of the gaudily decorated rooms and the extravagant garden, Bucky having great fun threatening to throw you in the pool because he obviously still hadn’t grasped the basics of what an ocean phobia entails. You eventually reached a huge, grand bedroom with a four poster super-king standing proudly opposite a fireplace.
Bucky shot you a smirk and, before you could begin to object, you’d been thrown onto the bed in just the same way as he’d done back at the beach house.
You swiftly sat yourself up. ‘Jesus, Buck, what the hell? This place is teeming with rich assholes.’
‘Exactly,’ he climbed on top of you, ‘they’re so straight-laced they’d just faint at the sight of us naked and rubbing together.’
You smothered a loud chuckle, your guard immediately dropping as Bucky’s lips connected to yours, a stray hand beginning to wander under your shirt. The feeling of him combined with the unbelievably comfortable bed sheets really had you lost in the moment for a second there.
That was, until a deliberately loud cough echoed from the other side of the room.
Both your heads snapped towards the agent, who was standing in the doorway, looking like a swarm of hornets had just flown up her ass. Bucky jumped up and pulled you with him, straightening out his clothes with a cheeky grin.
‘Sorry, I tried to talk her out of it but Anoushka was desperate to sample the goods.’
You couldn’t hold it in that time, your laughter echoed through the room, making her twitch with rage as she clacked out of the doorway and gestured through it.
‘I think you should both leave.’
‘On it,’ Bucky grabbed you by the wrist and made a beeline past her, ‘we were looking for something more tasteful anyway.’
You grabbed a couple unopened bottles of champagne on your way out, Buck loudly revving the engine of his rent-a-car before the two of you sped away. A giddy grin stayed plastered on your face for the whole ride home.
You eventually pulled up outside your apartment, your over-confident date turning towards you with a smile. ‘So, we going in?’
‘Nope, Anoushka’s going home alone tonight.’ You chuckled at his instant puppy-dog eyes. ‘This is our first date, Buck. I’m not gonna give up the goods straight away.’
‘I’ve literally seen every part of you in every position.’
‘Yeah, me and every other woman in this city.’ An unimpressed eyebrow shot up his forehead and made an ounce of guilt bubble in your chest, prompting you to place an apologetic hand on his knee. ‘Look, today was really nice, but blank slate means blank slate. I wanna do this properly.’
‘You’re gonna drive me crazy, aren’t ya?’
‘Hell yeah.’
‘S’alright, I can wait.’ He checked himself with an incredibly shocked expression, his own words obviously scaring the crap out of him. ‘This love stuff is messing with my brain.’
‘It does that.’
‘I like it.’
You leaned in and gave him a quick peck, smirking at his desperate expression as you pulled away. ‘Me too.’
—
When you got back to your apartment, Nat was sprawled out on the couch. She didn’t look round when you walked in, so you took it upon yourself to attempt a conversation, just to see how things stood.
‘Hey, you had a good day?’
‘Mhmm.’ There was definitely still a weird atmosphere. ‘How was your date?’
‘Yeah, really nice, thanks.’
You waited in silence for a few seconds to see if a truce was on the cards, but she didn’t even look at you, so you just started to retreat towards your bedroom.
You almost shat yourself in fear when she yelled after you.
‘Y/n!’ She appeared in the doorway to the living room, looking incredibly reluctant and avoiding your gaze. ‘Look, I get that I overreacted, I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to get hurt.’
You squinted at her suspiciously. Nat never conceded like this, there was definitely something up. Then it dawned on you.
‘You spoke to her, didn’t you?’
‘Who?’
‘You know who,’ you took a step towards her, ‘your friend from high school. She told you the truth about not sleeping with Buck, about him apologising, didn’t she?’
‘She might’ve… mentioned it.’ You couldn’t prevent a smug smile spreading over your face. ‘But it doesn’t matter, cause one right doesn’t erase a thousand wrongs.’
‘I know, but the fact that he’s at least trying has to count for something.’
She finally met your gaze. ‘Are you sure you can trust him?’
‘I’m getting there.’ A wave of relief passed over you as her face began to soften, the glistening hope that you might be getting your closest confidant back prompting you to vomit up another confession. ‘Oh there’s, uh- there’s something else I haven’t told you.’
‘Go on.’
‘He told me he loves me.’
Her eyebrows almost shot off her forehead. ‘Shit. Do you…?’
Summary:Well, time for you to navigate this emotional labyrinth and do your best not to get lost or die in the process.
Pairing: College!Bucky x y/n
Word Count: 1.3k
Warnings:Language
Author’s Note: I fucking love autumn man. I hope everyone is happy and doing well.
—
Your feet were numb by the time you reached the parking lot.
Bucky popped the trunk of his worn-out Jeep and helped you up, leaving you perched there with your legs dangling over the edge as he retrieved the blanket. He wrapped your feet up tight before standing back and folding his arms across his broad chest.
‘Feeling better?’
‘In some ways,’ you kept your gaze away from his and added under your breath, ‘worse in others.’
‘I’ll take it my outburst wasn’t appreciated.’
‘I mean, you saw a fire and decided to add more fire, I’m really not sure what you thought would happen.’
‘Yeah, good point, sorry about that.’ He stuffed his hands into his pockets, shaking his head. ‘I’m not good with all this feelings stuff, I tried to do some research last night but it obviously didn’t help.’
You gulped, part of your brain screaming at you not to delve any deeper into that as you pushed the word out. ‘Research?’
‘Mhmm, I watched The Notebook.’
‘Course you did.’ An exasperated laugh escaped your lips as you rubbed your hands across your face. ‘Alright, in that case, it’d be a waste for me not to ask. What do you want, Buck?’
He chuckled and lowered himself down next to you, the car dipping slightly under his weight.
‘Well I figured, since I helped you with your phobia, maybe you’d be able to do the same for me.’ You finally let your gaze meet his, your dubious expression obviously making him panic slightly. ‘We could take it slow, just float for a bit, y’know? Don’t want to risk either of us drowning.’
‘You really thought it’d be that easy?’
‘Oh, no, of course not.’ He brushed his hands over his thighs, shifting himself around awkwardly for a few seconds. ‘Actually, yeah, I kinda did.’
‘Wow, you really weren’t lying when you said you’d never been in a relationship.’
‘Why d’you always think I’m lying?’
That question didn’t really warrant an answer, both of you were more than aware of his reputation.
As the two of you fell into silence, the only discernible sound being the waves crashing in the far distance, you figured this was as good an opportunity as any to finally drag that story out of him. He’d already dropped the big L, surely there was no excuse for clamming up now.
‘Alright, since you’re all about the truth today, are you finally gonna tell me what the hell happened to you? I genuinely can’t think of anything other than a bad relationship that could’ve made you like this.’
‘It was a bad relationship, it just wasn’t mine.’ He paused to glance in your direction, so you shot him your best sympathetic-but-incredibly-curious expression. ‘My mom was an asshole, she fucked around then just up-and-left when I was a kid. After seeing what it did to my dad I…’
‘Decided never to trust any other woman? You think that makes sense?’
‘Who’s the one without any sympathy now?’
Feeling a couple pangs of guilt in your chest, you nodded apologetically, pulling your leg up so you were facing him.
‘I appreciate you telling me. I get it, I really do, but you gotta remember that you’re not your father. And I’m not your… mother.’ You winced slightly. ‘That’s the first time I’ve had to clarify that to someone I’ve seen naked.’
‘Wish I could say the same.’
His stupid grin prompted you to shove him in the shoulder. ‘Idiot.’
‘I might be an idiot, and I’m definitely still figuring out how to navigate all this, but I know how I feel and I meant what I said.’ A hand gently came to rest on your knee. ‘I do love you.’
‘You really have to stop saying that, it gives me the jitters.’
‘You realise I’m just gonna say it even more now?’
‘Mhmm, should’ve predicted that.’ Your gaze wandered down to his hand and you just about managed to hold back the urge to lay yours on top of it. ‘This is insane, Buck. We’ve never even been on a real date.’
‘We should probably change that, then.’
You let out a long breath, knowing the hurt of losing some stupid friends-with-benefits scenario with him would be absolutely nothing in comparison to the breakdown of any kind of serious relationship.
‘I’ll think about it,’ you leaned over to free your feet from the blanket, ‘but I just wanna go home now.’
Before you could stand up, Buck grabbed onto your shoulder to keep you in place. ‘Before you go, I should warn you, Steve’s probably told Nat.’
Fuck.
You genuinely considered waiting around until Buck had driven off so you could jump into the sea properly this time, but you eventually traipsed back to Nat’s car and fired up the engine, mentally preparing yourself for the absolute shit-storm you were about to enter.
—
As you opened the apartment door, you were greeted by your roommate, standing in the middle of the kitchen with her arms tightly folded.
‘Hey, you.’ You tried your best to soothe the obvious tension but she looked like she was ready to shoot lasers from her eyes. ‘Have you, uh- spoken to Steve today or…?’
‘You’re unbelievable.’
‘I’ll take that as a yes.’ You dropped her car keys on the counter with a defeated sigh. ‘Alright, have at it.’
With that, she exploded.
‘I fucking warned you. I told you everything, told you exactly what that motherfucker does, and you just ignored me. Then what happened? He went and fucked someone else. You happy now, hmm?’
‘Look, I know how all this sounds but I talked to him, he said it was just a misunderstanding.’
‘And you believed him?’ You shrugged, cringing and nodding slightly. ‘Jesus, you’re even more stupid than I thought. You really think this guy is boyfriend material?’
‘It wasn’t anything serious before, it was just some fun.’
‘And what is it now?’
‘I honestly don’t know.’
‘People don’t change overnight, y/n. He’s gonna hurt you, for real this time, and I’m not gonna be a shoulder to cry on when he does. You’re on your own.’ She stormed towards her room, turning back just before disappearing down the hallway. ‘Oh, and don’t bring him back here. Ever.’
The door slammed with an almighty noise that shook all the walls.
Well, that could’ve been worse. It definitely could’ve been better, but you were alive and she hadn’t physically harmed you at all, so you’d actually gotten off pretty lightly.
You collapsed onto the couch. You really did want to try things out with him, you were sure of that, but now your closest friendship was at risk if it all went pear-shaped. Bucky would have to prove to you and Nat that he’d genuinely changed, and you really weren’t sure if that was too much to ask of him- if he fucked up, there was a chance you’d lose both of them.
This was a lot for you to trust him with.
Then again, so was letting him lead you into the ocean with no idea of his intentions after only knowing him for two days. Most of the damage had already been done with Nat now, so you couldn’t see the harm in rolling the dice just one more time.
Cursing your own stupidity before you’d even made the stupid decision, you pulled out your phone, finding Bucky’s number and hitting the call button.
Hey! What’s up? You okay?
‘Yeah I’m good, and I’ve thought about it. Let’s go on a date. Fuck it.’
Awesome! That was fast, just couldn’t stay away huh?
‘Don’t get cocky, you’re on crazy thin ice. This is make or break.’
Summary:You’d jumped into a shark tank and ended up getting bitten, you really had no right to be upset about it.
Pairing:College!Bucky x y/n
Word Count: 1.6k
Warnings:Language
Author’s Note: Going to a 100th birthday party tomorrow. Gonna get absolutely twatted. Say oops upside your head say oops upside your head.
—
A few quiet days passed.
You weren’t sure if Bucky was waiting for you to reach out, or if he’d just completely lost interest now that you’d openly added emotions into the mix, but either way it really fucking sucked. His silence spoke volumes that you weren’t sure you were ready to hear yet.
The weekend came around and you were hanging around your apartment with Nat, halfway through a movie when her phone started to vibrate on the coffee table. Her face immediately scrunched up when she checked who it was. She said she’d just be a minute, pausing the TV before hurrying into her room, a move that made slight concern rise in your chest. She was never usually cagey like that around you.
A few minutes later, you heard her stomping back down the corridor. Swivelling your head in the direction of the sound, you almost had to do a double-take, cause you swore you’d never seen her look so pissed.
‘Everything alright?’
‘Unbelievable.’ She muttered to herself before flopping back down on the couch, turning to face you with slight redness rising in her cheeks. ‘Remember how you wanted to sleep with Steve’s friend, Bucky?’
Just the mention of his name made all the hairs on the back of your neck jump up. ‘Vaguely…’
‘And how I told you he hypnotises women, like when he fucked over my high school friend?’
‘Mhmm.’
‘That was her. She saw him again last night, apparently. Such an idiot.’
Your heart sank.
All the breath instantly left your lungs like you’d been punched in the gut, every ounce of emotional strength you had left kicking into overdrive in an attempt to hide your distress from Nat.
‘You mean they…?’
‘I assume so. I mean, that’s what he does, gets his claws in then fucks off.’ She shrugged, letting out a deep sigh before grabbing the remote and pressing play. ‘I’ll meet up with her soon, try talking some sense into her again. Feels like I spend my life picking up the pieces behind that fucking asshole.’
You just nodded, too caught up in your racing thoughts to appreciate the immense irony of that statement.
It was a struggle to keep yourself together while sitting through the rest of the movie, but you didn’t want to arouse any suspicion, so you just about managed to wait it out before retreating to your bedroom.
You sunk onto the edge of your bed, and everything just felt flat. An ending of this nature was always inevitable, there was never any doubt about that, but you never anticipated just how much it would hurt having that tiny ounce of hope decisively snuffed out. As much as you’d consistently tried convince yourself otherwise, you knew full well that there’d always been a delusional corner of your mind that was convinced Bucky felt the same about you.
Now, it was stinging.
You lowered yourself sideways, squeezing your eyes closed and hugging your arms across your chest. As you fell into a brittle, fractured sleep, one thought lingered in your mind, taunting you right up until the last second of consciousness.
Nat had been right all along.
—
You felt like you were simply going through the motions of life for the days following that conversation. You were on autopilot, somehow managing to maintain your schedule while remaining firmly locked inside your own head.
You’d get over it with time but, for now, you were just numb.
Bucky did finally try to call, but you let him go to voicemail every time, deleting any messages he left without listening. You figured all he could do was tell the truth about having moved on or lie and claim he missed you, neither had any value to you at this point.
All you wanted was to be alone for a while.
Then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, you got an idea. A plan that had the potential to kick-start your journey out of this fucking misery pit you’d found yourself in.
You asked to borrow Nat’s car, responding to her suspicious looks with a web of lies about needing to go to an emergency dental appointment at the edge of the city. Your desperation must’ve leaked into your tale because, after just a few minutes of pleading, she reluctantly handed over the keys.
The drive was just over an hour.
Your body stiffened against the biting wind as you climbed out of the car, hair blowing in front of your eyes and partially obscuring your view. You brushed it back with one hand while taking a moment to fill your lungs with the sweet, briny sea air.
You walked along the sand until you came across the familiar beach house, the grim weather making it look more like the setting for a low-budget horror movie than a lazy summer holiday. Glancing down the vast beach stretching in both directions, you smiled to yourself, relieved that there wasn’t another soul in sight.
This is exactly what you needed.
You sat on the ground a few feet in front of the house, slipping off your shoes and slowly letting your eyes flutter closed. Trying to centre yourself, you took a few deep breaths, focusing on the sound of crashing waves ahead of you and the soft feeling of sand between your toes.
It was only a few minutes before you head to finally began to clear. The knot that had taken up permanent residence in your stomach recently had started to loosen, and you felt good for the first time in a long while.
It made sense, really, that you were able to find some closure in this place; your found your feelings on this sand, so it was only right to bury them here too. You started to wonder whether you should come here to lay all your problems to rest in the future, there was something so incredibly cathartic about-
‘Hey.’
Your eyes shot open.
You’d been so wrapped up in your emotional cleansing that you hadn’t heard him approach, just the sight of him making that knot immediately tighten back up.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Could ask you the same question.’ He smiled, obviously trying to lighten the tension, but quickly reverting to sincerity when he sensed how unhappy you were to see him. ‘Look, I told Steve everything. He said Nat was really worried about you, mentioned you’d borrowed her car. I figured this place was a pretty good bet.’
You nodded, foolishly hoping he’d just decide to leave now that you were confirmed to be alive and stable.
He didn’t, obviously, instead crouching down beside you with a sigh. ‘Can we talk?’
Those words made a hard lump form in your throat. Just being in close proximity to him like this was making every muscle in your body tense up, you weren’t sure if you could stomach a whole conversation.
You needed to get away from him.
Your hostile refusal was sitting right there on the tip of your tongue but, for some reason, the words wouldn’t come out. All you could do was stare blankly at him with tears welling in your eyes.
Your head started swimming, you couldn’t get your thoughts straight, everything felt tangled.
You mentally scanned through your limited options on how to free yourself from him, still unable to express your anger and knowing full well he’d just follow if you took off along the beach. Staring directly ahead, your clouded mind only managed to come up with one immensely fucking stupid idea.
It was definitely much too cold for him to follow you in there.
Without a word, you lifted yourself onto your feet and started to vacantly march forwards, roughly wiping away a few stray tears with your sleeve.
‘Y/n?’ Bucky only sounded a little concerned at first, but his muffled footsteps quickly sped up behind you when he realised you weren’t breaking stride. ‘Y/n, stop!’
Your calves were almost submerged by the time he reached you, grabbing you by the arm and wrenching you backwards.
‘Jesus, what the hell are you doing? Tryna get yourself killed?’
‘Why the fuck do you care?’ Your words finally tore from your throat, the sheer venom in them taking even you by surprise and making you shrink back a little. ‘Please, just leave me alone. If I wanted to talk I would’ve answered your calls.’
‘I know, but Nat told Steve you’ve been pretty much comatose. I was worried,’ he gestured towards your soaking feet, ‘obviously for good reason.’
‘Worried? Great. You fucked around with my feelings then jumped into bed with someone else straight after, but hey, at least you’re a little concerned about it.’
‘What? What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Don’t Buck, just- don’t.’
‘Genuinely, I have no idea what you’re on about.’
‘You’re a fucking liar,’ another hot tear dropped onto your cheek as your voice started to swell again, ‘next time maybe don’t fuck someone who knows my roommate.’
You saw realisation dawn on his face, one hand exasperatedly diving into his hair as he began shaking his head. ‘No, listen, you’ve got it wrong. I know how this is gonna sound, but I swear I just asked her to meet up so I could apologise.’
‘Bullshit.’
‘Ask her. I’ll give you her number, you can ask her.’ His frustration was becoming more obvious with every word. ‘If you’d just answered my calls I could’ve explained this days ago.’
‘I’m sure it would’ve been much easier for you to lie about fucking someone else over the phone.’
‘You really think I’d do that to you?’
‘Oh, like I’m not just another plaything you’re gonna throw aside when you’ve finished?’
The two of you were borderline shouting at each other by this point, your emotionally-charged howls echoing over the empty sand.
‘You’re more than that to me and you know it.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Jesus Christ y/n I fucking love you!’
Everything fell silent.
You were frozen, staring at him in shock, reeling from his words. Your legs were so wobbly you had no idea how you were still standing and you felt a little like you were going to puke.
Your eyes began to rapidly scan over the sand and the water as you tried to come to terms with what you’d just heard but, for some reason, all you could focus on was how fucking freezing your toes were. You’d obviously just gone into complete overload, so your mind had chosen something to fixate on to prevent you breaking down entirely.
‘So,’ Buck was gazing at you intently, looking more vulnerable than you’d ever seen him, ‘you gonna say anything?’
‘My feet are cold.’
He let out an exasperated chuckle. ‘S’what happens when you go paddling on a freezing day.’
‘Appreciate the sympathy.’
‘You did this to yourself, don’t try to make me feel bad about it.’
‘Wow, true love huh?’
He smiled slightly and nodded, eventually stepping forward and reaching his hand out to you.
Summary: Your agreement was balancing on a knife edge but Bucky just wouldn’t stop pushing
Pairing: College!Bucky x y/n
Word Count: 2k
Warnings:Language, creepy behaviour
Author’s Note: Can’t believe it’s been a week, apologies, I want to post more regularly but just been super tired recently. Anyway I hope everyone is having a v nice week, much love, enjoy this next part!
—
You told Nat you had a date this evening, but you flat-out refused to tell her who with.
When she saw you dressed to the nines in black tie she almost waterboarded you to get the information, but you held firm, insisting that you didn’t want to jinx the evening by giving too much away. There was no way she suspected the truth, but you still got the hell out of your apartment as swiftly as you could- just in case.
Bucky said he’d meet you outside the venue. Your taxi pulled up a little early and you climbed out, feeling your heartbeat in your throat as you hastily walked towards the address he’d given you. You really shouldn’t have been this nervous, it was just a favour, but you couldn’t help getting in your head about your first proper outing together.
Man, this whole friends with benefits situation would be a helluva lot easier if he just stuck to the fucking rules every once in a while.
You turned the final corner and saw the grand-looking building, lit up like a Christmas tree with faint music coming from inside, Bucky casually leaning against the wall outside.
You had to give it to him, that boy could rock a tuxedo.
He started grinning like an idiot as soon as he spotted you, pushing himself upright and prowling towards you like a leopard approaching its prey. Your heart was close to punching clean through your rib cage by the time he was in touching distance.
‘Well would’ya look at that,’ he took both of your hands in his and pulled you towards him, ‘my date doesn’t look half bad.’
The way he said that made some of those feelings you weren’t allowed to have bubble up in your chest, so you quickly had to bag them up and go drown them in the river; you were just here as his friend, you had to keep reminding yourself of that.
‘You can chill out with the date shit, I’m only here to make you look less lonely.’
His hands started to explore the length of your back, fingertips pressing lightly into your skin when they reached your hips. ‘Oh yeah? That’s the only reason you came?’
‘Course. Why, what’re you getting at?’
‘Nothing at all.’ He shot you a wink, moved to your side and offered out his arm. ‘Showtime.’
You audibly gulped before letting him lead you up the stairs.
As soon as the two of you stepped inside, you sensed half the eyes in the room shooting in your direction, some low-level whispers starting as you made your way through the crowd. Bucky obviously had a reputation amongst these people too, because they were staring at you the same as they’d stare at a dress-wearing dog walking in on its hind legs. You’d never felt like such a spectacle.
He guided you over to a bunch of guys standing in a circle, squeezing the two of you into the group and greeting a couple of them with elaborate handshakes. They seemed just as surprised by your presence as the rest of the crowd, a couple of them exchanging confused side-eyes, but they thankfully kept their mouths shut and greeted you politely.
Looking around the sea of tuxedos, you couldn’t help noticing a slight issue.
None of them had dates.
So, either every single other person in the circle had been bailed on this evening, or Bucky had flat-out lied in order to get you here. Why the hell would he do that? Was this some kind of stupid fucking bet?
You’d definitely be having strong words later.
Before long, the group managed to locate some seats, and you couldn’t help noticing that Buck was starting to acting a little weird. He scooched his chair as close to yours as was physically possible and planted an arm firmly around your waist, a position that must’ve been at least little uncomfortable for him but it barely moved all evening.
The two of you obviously had very different ideas about the definition of a friend-date.
Nevertheless, despite his weirdly clingy side coming out, you actually found yourself having a really nice time with Buck and his friends. The drinks and the chat were flowing, you almost started to wonder what the hell you were so worried about coming here.
Then a new member joined the group. He sat directly opposite and just began to flat-out stare at you, his erratically fluttering eyelids and inability to keep his head up straight telling you that he was far more drunk than any of his friends. You tried to ignore him, but he was directly in your eye-line, so your agitated gaze kept inadvertently flicking back his way.
All you could do was just hope he’d fuck off in search of his next drink very soon.
Unfortunately, the seat directly beside you just happened to become free after ten or so minutes, and he pounced as fast as someone in his condition was capable of.
‘Nice to meet you.’
He went in for a handshake. You began to reciprocate but he quickly switched tactics on you, suddenly going to kiss the back of your hand but not quite managing to make contact before you wrenched it away. The laugh he let out at your reaction made you shudder.
Trying to get as far away from this creep as possible, you scooched yourself further into your date’s side, the slight nudge diverting his attention away from his conversation and over to your new seat neighbour.
Even Buck seemed surprised at the state he was in. ‘What time did you guys start?’
‘Dunno,’ the creep gave a sloppy shrug and took a long swig from his beer, ‘a while back.’
‘You think maybe you should slow down?’
He just huffed in response.
You tried to go back to chatting with Bucky’s other friends but, just a few minutes later, you felt a firm tap uncomfortably high on your thigh. By that point you were fully prepared to bust out your wide range of self-defence moves.
You reluctantly turned back to the sloppy drunk, finding his face just a couple inches away from yours, foul whiskey breath spreading over you as he spoke.
‘So, what, you got a magic mouth or something?’
Buck’s keen ears picked that up straight away, cause his head snapped in the direction of the question, arm immediately tightening around you. ‘The hell you say man?’
‘Oh c’mon Barnes, you never stick around, there must be a reason you haven’t ditched this one yet.’ His gaze moved back to you, a look in his eyes that made your skin crawl. ‘You wanna share with the rest of the group, sweetheart?’
This motherfucker was really pushing his luck now.
You went to respond, feeling the venom building in your throat, but Buck got in there just before you.
‘You wanna shut the hell up before I make you?’
Creep leant back, chuckling to himself while holding his hands up in surrender. You hoped that’d be the end of it, but no, this asshole really didn’t know when to quit.
‘No need to get so defensive over a piece of ass.’
Bucky shot up from his seat, shoulders squared and fists clenched.
As much as you didn’t want a full-on fight happening over your lap, you had to admit to being a little entertained, cause the drunk asshole scrambled out of his chair and shot away so fast he almost left skid marks on the ground. The rest of the group seemed to notice the slight kerfuffle, but Buck calmly sitting back down and reverting his attention to you made them lose interest.
One arm curled round your shoulders while the other hand came to rest softly on your knee. ‘You okay?’
‘Mhmm. No thanks to your friend.’
‘Nah, he’s not my friend, I barely know that asshole.’ His eyes started to vigilantly scan the room behind you. ‘If he comes near you again I might have to do more than scare him.’
You raised an eyebrow at him. ‘S’alright big man, I can handle myself.’
‘I know, but I’m not gonna sit here and let him talk to you like that.’
‘Very noble considering, in this agreement, I am basically just a piece of ass.’
Any trace of triumph quickly fell from his face. He was silent for a few seconds, eyes searching yours while an earnest look you’d never seen before spread over his features. You were actually a little nervous about what was coming next.
He went to open his mouth, but was instantly distracted by a tap on the shoulder. The two of you had some brightly-coloured shots forced into your hands and, just like that, the moment was gone.
You could see Bucky getting progressively more hammered as the night went on, every drink apparently convincing him more and more that you two were the happiest of couples. The possessive arm stayed firmly round you all evening, but he also began kissing you on the side of the head and neck at random intervals, sometimes whispering slightly slurred compliments directly in your ear. It made you giddy every time he did it.
But, as nice as it was, you knew it was dangerous.
There was no way in hell he would ever maintain anything serious with you, so in acting like this he was really leading you on, even if it wasn’t intentional. You were doing your best to stick to his terms despite your feelings, yet here he was just carelessly breaking all of them.
It was getting close to midnight when he stumbled to his feet and sauntered out of the room without a word. You waited a few minutes, figuring he’d probably just gone to piss out the twelve or so beers he’d already necked, but there was no sign of him returning.
You eventually got up with a sigh and headed in the same direction. A few other students directed you out to the front of the building, where you found him swaying side to side in time with the muffled music, having a smoke.
‘You alright?’
He spun round, a wide smile spreading over his face. ‘Am now.’
The cigarette butt was unceremoniously dropped from his fingers as he approached. He wound his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest and kissing you gently.
Usually, being close to him like this made all other thoughts melt from your mind, but you were really struggling to get lost in the moment this time. You just couldn’t ignore the slight unease in your stomach, you had to work out what his game was.
‘So you were worried you’d be the only one without a date, huh?’
His mouth curled into a crafty smile. ‘I might’ve exaggerated a little.’
‘No shit.’ He leaned in again but you put your palms against his chest to stop him. ‘Why am I here, Buck?’
‘So I can show you off.’
What the fuck did that mean?
Apparently not at all picking up on your hints, he decided to dip his head sideways, so he could begin to plant kisses under your jaw.
‘Buck,’ you pushed him away this time and took a small step back, ‘you need to stop.’
Alarm quickly spread across his face. ‘Shit, sorry, what’s wrong?’
‘You’re not my boyfriend, alright? You made that abundantly clear when we started this, but for some reason you’ve been happy to act like we’re the perfect couple all night.’
He nodded apologetically. ‘I get it, I do, I just…’
‘Just what?’ You tried your best not to let your frustration show, but this was like trying to get blood out of a stone.
‘Nothing.’
‘Right, of course.’ You were starting to get a little pissed now. ‘What the hell happened to you Buck? You’re happy to do all this sweet, caring stuff for me but at the first mention of anything remotely serious you just completely close up. What messed you up so bad?’
‘You can’t ask me about that shit while I’m hammered, it’s not fair.’
So there was something, then. Had he lied about having no previous relationships too?
You were so sick of trying to work him out.
It didn’t matter anyway, you knew that as soon as you dug deep enough to find the answer he’d just cast you aside for a new fling. That’s just the kind of guy he was.
‘I’m gonna go home.’
‘No, don’t leave, let’s just have a good night. We can talk about all this shit another time.’
You’d loved to have believed that, but deep down you knew you’d always be waiting for another time with him. The two of you were playing a game you’d never win.
‘I think this was a mistake, Buck.’
‘What, coming here tonight?’
You shook your head slightly before turning away and heading inside to get your things. He didn’t follow you, probably figuring you’d have to face him again when you tried to leave, but you managed to find a back entrance to sneak out of. You called a taxi to take you home, holding back your tears as you waited by the side of the road.
Typical, really, that your shittiest breakup was with someone who’d never even been your boyfriend.
Summary: For someone so averse to commitment, Bucky seemed to be getting awfully comfortable in your company.
Pairing:College!Bucky x y/n
Word Count: 1.6k
Warnings:Language, idk what counts as smut like there’s no humping but it’s a little risque I guess so just avoid if you’re a super holy joe
Author’s Note: I came across an ex on a dating app the other day and I’m still in a bad mood about it. I’m sure author’s notes are supposed to be related to the story they’re prefacing but I maintain my right to just use them as spaces to rant into the void.
—
Well, you honestly never predicted this.
Here you were, waking up in your own bed, with your head comfortably resting on Bucky’s chest. Your arm was slung over him, while his hand was tucked snugly around your waist. You half-expected to pinch yourself and wake up in class with a professor shooting daggers at you.
Slowly shifting upwards, you moved to prop yourself up on your elbows, only stopping when you were nose to nose with your guest.
A smile spread over his face. ‘Morning.’
‘You stayed over.’
‘Mhmm.’ One of his eyes opened a slither. ‘Did you not want me to?’
‘I thought we said no strings attached?’
‘Sleeping over isn’t a string, it’s a well thought-out gamble to maximise potential sex time.’
‘Seems like you’re having your cake and eating it.’
‘Oh yeah?’ Without a hint of warning, his eyes shot open and he bolted over, taking you by surprise and managing to pin you on your back. ‘You make it sound like I’m the only one getting my kicks here.’
You flashed him a mischievous smirk. ‘I never said that.’
He dipped his head downwards, burying his face in your neck, the sensations of his lips against your skin making you melt a little. His body came to rest flush against yours, the firm pressure on your stomach sending tingling waves down all your limbs.
You were teetering on the edge of becoming totally lost in this moment when an obnoxiously loud knock echoed through the room. Both your heads snapped in the direction of the noise.
‘Hey, you up?’ Nat’s muffled voice came from behind the door. ‘How did last night go?’
‘Shit.’
Bucky turned back towards you, obviously trying to fake disappointment. ‘Damn, guess we have to tell her now.’
‘The hell we fucking do.’ You shoved him off of you, frantically jumping out of bed and throwing a sheet over his head. ‘Just- pretend to be asleep.’
He sat up, fully covered by the fabric, looking like a cockblocked ghost. ‘This is a little much, don’t you think?’
‘Hey, Casper, either shut the fuck up or our deal is off.’
He raised his hands in surrender, huffing like a toddler on the verge of tantrum, and rolled over so his back was facing the door. You kept a suspicious eye on his shrouded form while pulling on your dressing gown, half-convinced he’d dive into a big reveal as soon as he heard the lock click.
Cracking the door open slightly, you gave Nat your best innocent smile through the gap.
‘Hey, how did-’ Her eyes immediately skipped past your face and landed on the thick set of calves poking out from underneath your bed sheets, her voice lowering to a whisper. ‘You fucked him on the first date?’
You shook your head sheepishly, wincing. ‘I fucked someone else on the first date.’
‘You what? You brought home some random dude from the bar?’
‘Mhmm, yep. I did.’
Amazing, really, that you’d rather Nat think of you as someone who dumpster dives for bed companions than someone who’d dare go within ten feet of Bucky. Oh well.
She gave you an amused head shake before backing off, at which point you took the opportunity to firmly slam the door closed and turn the lock.
Well, you’d gotten away with that bit, so now all you had to do now was figure out how the fuck you were gonna get him out of here.
Bucky dramatically tossed the sheet away and sat up, crossing his arms indignantly. ‘Some random dude?’
‘I mean, pretty much.’ You strolled back over to the bed, deciding to climb onto his lap with your legs straddling his in an attempt to placate him. ‘I still barely know anything about you.’
His hands disappeared under your dressing gown, his words escaping between the soft kisses he was planting on your collarbone. ‘What you wanna know?’
That was a big question. Naturally, your curiosity around Bucky had been off the charts since you first met, but the only deep stuff you’d ever discussed with him was your own issues.
You figured that it would take quite the set of circumstances to mould someone like this, and you had an inkling about at least one of them.
‘Did someone hurt you?’
He stopped abruptly, face turning upwards towards yours. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘People who close themselves off like you have usually have a pretty good reason for doing so.’
‘You speaking from experience?’
You gave him a faint smile. ‘Alright, we can change the subject, sorry I asked.’
He let out a deep sigh, face still pointed upwards but eyes desperately avoiding yours, hands staying planted on your hips.
‘Look, I know what you’re getting at, but you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’ve never had any kind of serious relationship.’
You narrowed your eyes at him. ‘Could you point me towards the right tree to bark up?’
‘Nope.’
He launched himself forward, pinning you on your back yet again and pretty effectively ending the conversation. Just as he was beginning to get to work, you heard a shower start on the other side of the apartment, reluctantly realising this was probably your best chance to get him out without being spotted.
He wasn’t best pleased, the look he gave you as you pushed him into the elevator with his clothes half-hanging off his body was absolutely priceless.
—
That first morning had been too much of a close call for you.
From then on you insisted that, unless Nat was literally out of the city, the two of you would have to meet at Bucky’s. He seemed a little resistant to the idea at first, you guessed because he wasn’t accustomed to having sexual partners hanging around in his personal space, but with him living alone it just made more sense. He’d just have to put his big boy pants on and suck it up.
Your initial agreement was pretty much that you’d arrive, have sex and then leave straight after, but every time you went over you found yourself lingering in his bed a little longer. It got to the point where the two of you would just lay there for hours, talking and laughing about nothing.
Much to your surprise, it was Bucky who eventually initiated the next stage. You were heading from his bedroom to the front door, straightening your clothes, when he piped up behind you.
‘You’re welcome to stay for a bit, if you want.’
You swirled round to face him, bewildered at the extent of his sex drive. ‘I would, but I’m super beat. I almost had to stop you a couple times there cause I was cramp-’
‘No, I didn’t mean for that.’ A puzzled eyebrow shot up your forehead. ‘We could watch a movie or something?’
Well, this was an interesting development.
‘A movie?’
‘Yeah. Deep Blue Sea? Jaws?’
‘You’re such a dick.’
You rolled your eyes, figuring he’d only asked to set up that fucking stupid joke, and started heading back towards the door. You were stopped pretty abruptly when he reached out and grabbed hold of your wrist.
‘I’m just fucking with you, we can watch something else.’
You must’ve looked at him like he’d suddenly started speaking another language. ‘Oh, you actually want me to stay?’
‘Yeah, why not.’
You could think of a whole list of reasons why not, all of them being the ground rules you’d both laid out at the start of this little agreement, but he’d vaulted over the back of the couch and started to make himself comfortable before you could even begin reeling them off.
Eh, you had nothing else to do today.
He draped an arm over your shoulders as you settled in next to him. ‘What happened anyway, I thought you were over all that ocean stuff?’
‘Think you might’ve overestimated yourself just a little there.’
‘Impossible,’ he shot you a suggestive smile, ‘but I’m happy to go back and keep trying until you’re better.’
‘Going on holiday together definitely counts as a string.’
He shrugged. ‘I’m sure we can cope with a couple strings.’
That definitely set alarm bells ringing. Never in a million years did you think he’d be the first to overstep that mark, there was definitely a chance he was testing how far he could push this without fully committing.
‘Oh, that reminds me,’ he casually added while scrolling through Netflix, ‘I have a favour to ask.’
‘Right…’
‘I have this college formal coming up and I found out earlier that all my friends are taking dates. I don’t wanna be the only one on my own, but I don’t wanna ask someone else and give em the wrong idea, y’know?’ A cheeky grin was shot in your direction. ‘So you’re my only option, really.’
‘You should write that down and send it to Hallmark, it’d make a beautiful card.’
‘Nah, I don’t share my hopelessly romantic side with just anyone.’
‘I’m honoured.’
He turned towards you slightly, pitiful desperation in his eyes. ‘C’mon, please?’
‘Why on earth would the infamous ladies’ man Bucky Barnes want to be seen in public with anything even vaguely resembling a girlfriend?’
‘Why would I be bothered about trying to pick up chicks when I have a great regular thing set up here?’
Yep, he was definitely starting to get a little too comfortable, domesticated even.
‘What if someone else there knows Nat and recognises me?’
‘That’s a risk I’m willing to take.’
You rolled your eyes at him. In all fairness, a night out in black tie with Buck did sound fun, but you’d be the one getting your clopper kicked in if Nat found out. Besides, this definitely lied outside the bounds of your agreement.
ALT
