#blotchedprompt
You know what I hate the most?
I hate you for always being there for her as much as I want you to be with me. I hate the way you look onto her, the way you hold her because for a moment, I felt like she was holding my universe. I hate it when you always have to leave me just because you will need to fetch her and ask her out. I hate the fact that even when you left me, I am still a fool waiting for you to return. I hate it when you ask me about what she likes, about the things that make her uncomfortable, I hate it when you always pay attention to the things she love to do, while I am stuck here, seeing how persistent you are on waiting for her. I hate the smile you wear as her name flashes your screen. I hate the way you misses her. I hate the way you talk to her, I hate the way you bring her name on our conversation. I hate the way you tell me how much you love her and the things you are willing to risk for her. I hate it. I hate how dense you are. I hate the fact that after all these years, you never noticed me, but I am still clinging onto you. I hate the fact that I love you as much as you love her. I was here even before she came and I will probably be here if she decided to leave you one morning. The fact that I have to support your love for her and I can’t compete with her because she’s way better than me, slowly kills me.
I was waiting for you to look at me too, but maybe I will stay like this, loving you in silence.
—the danger of one sided love j.a
The same love, grace and care you freely give to other people is what you owe yourself. You deserve it too. Give that to yourself too.
Listen,
It’s going to be alright.
I know up to this point, things haven’t worked out for you. Things may not be going the way you’ve wanted and prayed it to be. Even so, it is okay.
You’ve put your heart on the line for how many times and again and again, you’ve come up empty handed. You never fear losing, it is just you’ve given so much, you’ve given your all and yet you had nothing. Time after time you’ve given so much and received nothing in return.
And yes, it is going to be alright.
You kept asking because you’ve sacrificed, you’ve tried, you’ve fought hard and yet here you are —questioning, wondering, doubting and worst may be, losing hope.
But that’s okay, that is okay. Keep your head up, conqueror.
Believe it or not, at this point, God wants you right where He wants you.
He’s mending you.
He’s prunning you.
He’s molding you.
He’s strengthening you.
He’s working in you.
He’s working on you.
And He’s preparing you.
He’s preparing you for something that is far better anything you’ve had before.
He’s preparing you for something that you can’t even imagine.
He’s preparing you for something you’ve been praying for, day after day, night after night.
The world may have turned its back on you but it is okay.
Because maybe, He’s preparing you for something that’s going to make you look back, and understand why He never let anything work before.
artwork by: Aykut Aydogdu
To the girl who tries to be strong everyday,
You are doing it right. You always show to everyone that you are fighting hard after breaking down a million times, as if nothing’s wrong, as if you do not need anyone’s help. You are fighting hard to be the person everyone wants and expects you to be, and it is okay with you, they have never heard you complain.
You’re a woman with a big and beautiful heart. You are fighting battles you can’t even discuss with anyone because you do not want to be a burden. You try to be strong and help everyone when you, yourself, is helpless, you give encouragement to those who need it when you, yourself, need it the most. You always put other people first and they don’t even notice it. You have told yourself that you have no right to rest and that you have to always fight for those you love, at all cost.
Brave heart, I want you to know that God is seeing the narrative of your life. He sees every tears you wipe before you step out of your room and smile like you weren’t crying yourself to sleep last night. He sees how hard you try to be alright in front of those you love but you are dying to cry your heart out. He sees how heavy your chest is, He sees how much you bear the pain. He hears your silent cries, He knows you are afraid everytime people would ask you what’s happening and you won’t find the right answers.
Beloved, I want you to know that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to rest and give yourself space from everything that is tearing you apart. It is okay to pause and breathe for a while.
So take heart, woman.
You are making us proud.
