#blotched words
conjure up from my mind,
fall onto the paper
spill out of my mouth,
be the mess that was left behind.
i’ll clean it up
fix you up
into the pristine, undented figurine
that watches loose ends unravel further
creating endless spells of tragedy
for all to feel
and for you to see silently.
libraries are suppose to be silent
but that’s where my eyes met you
where your smile was at center stage
and your eyes had more to say
they listened to the rules,
stood quiet with little moves
remaining as so as you put on the show
noiseless —
until they grazed passed mine
and suddenly everything screamed inside
do you see me?
let me hold on, let me follow.
into a universe unknown
one never to fully unfold
She was your first.
She was your first date, first love, the first one you wanted to build a home and have a family with.
She was your first.
She was the first to meet your family. She became part of your family. She was the first girl your mother loved for you.
Yes,she was your first in many things but she, too, was your first heartbreak.
She was the first one to build you up and break you down. She knew you as much as you know yourself.
She may be your first but she will never be me.
She will never be the one who would pick you up when you think that you would never get back up because she wasn’t even there when you needed her.
No matter what she does, she’ll never be able to love you as much as I do.
She’ll never know you more than I know you. She could never make you realize that you are worthy of every love one should give. She could never make you feel any happier and more contented.
My love, I know that I should never compare myself to her because there’s a reason why she’s there and I am here with you now.
I am glad, I was not your first.
You know what I hate the most?
I hate you for always being there for her as much as I want you to be with me. I hate the way you look onto her, the way you hold her because for a moment, I felt like she was holding my universe. I hate it when you always have to leave me just because you will need to fetch her and ask her out. I hate the fact that even when you left me, I am still a fool waiting for you to return. I hate it when you ask me about what she likes, about the things that make her uncomfortable, I hate it when you always pay attention to the things she love to do, while I am stuck here, seeing how persistent you are on waiting for her. I hate the smile you wear as her name flashes your screen. I hate the way you misses her. I hate the way you talk to her, I hate the way you bring her name on our conversation. I hate the way you tell me how much you love her and the things you are willing to risk for her. I hate it. I hate how dense you are. I hate the fact that after all these years, you never noticed me, but I am still clinging onto you. I hate the fact that I love you as much as you love her. I was here even before she came and I will probably be here if she decided to leave you one morning. The fact that I have to support your love for her and I can’t compete with her because she’s way better than me, slowly kills me.
I was waiting for you to look at me too, but maybe I will stay like this, loving you in silence.
—the danger of one sided love j.a
Take care of your heart.
Let go of all the people who play with it. The ones who don’t know how to handle it. The ones who took advantage of it and recklessly pierced it into pieces. Let go of those who see your kindness as weakness and take advantage of it. Let go of them so you can fully see and appreciate your worth.
Take care of your heart.
Make a room for the peoole who deserve to have a spot in your life. Fight for the people who will lead you closer to the One who will fill the void in your heart. You may not know them yet but when you do, keep them. Allow yourself to feel what true love is from genuine people.
Take care of your heart.
Do not let the world make you become jaded because you are meant to become a diamond. This world may go against you but that won’t make you less of a person. Your heart is worth guarding for. Your heart is worth fighting for.
Above all else, take care of your heart.
The same love, grace and care you freely give to other people is what you owe yourself. You deserve it too. Give that to yourself too.
This is for you, brave soul.
To you who had a rough week.
To you who had been under uncertainties and stormy clouds.
To you who do not know how much longer you can hold on.
To you who always blame yourself for everything that goes wrong.
To you who had lost faith.
This is for you —
There is something in you that makes this world incredible. You may look at yourself with flaws, scars and nothing but disappointments but you have you much potential and so many things left to do.
You are someone who’s born to be a warrior.
Fighter, better things are coming your way.
Hang in there. You are called to overcome.
Listen,
It’s going to be alright.
I know up to this point, things haven’t worked out for you. Things may not be going the way you’ve wanted and prayed it to be. Even so, it is okay.
You’ve put your heart on the line for how many times and again and again, you’ve come up empty handed. You never fear losing, it is just you’ve given so much, you’ve given your all and yet you had nothing. Time after time you’ve given so much and received nothing in return.
And yes, it is going to be alright.
You kept asking because you’ve sacrificed, you’ve tried, you’ve fought hard and yet here you are —questioning, wondering, doubting and worst may be, losing hope.
But that’s okay, that is okay. Keep your head up, conqueror.
Believe it or not, right now God wants you right where He wants you.
He’s mending you.
He’s prunning you.
He’s molding you.
He’s strengthening you.
He’s working in you.
He’s working on you.
And He’s preparing you.
He’s preparing you for something that is far better anything you’ve had before.
He’s preparing you for something that you can’t even imagine.
He’s preparing you for something you’ve been praying for, day after day, night after night.
The world may have turned its back on you but it is okay.
Maybe He’s preparing you for something that’s going to make you look back, and understand why He never let anything work before.
To the one who is continously hurting,
To the one who is brave enough to face tomorrow,
To you who is fighting silent battles,
Hold on.
Do not lose your grip.
Wait a little more.
So much goodness is coming. There may be mourning at night but joy is yet to come.
Hold on to hope.
Choose to love even more.
Choose love.
Know that He is good and His mercy overflows.
His grace suits perfectly in you.
He sees your tears.
He comforts.
You are not alone.
Goodness is here.
Goodness is coming to you.
To the girl who tries to be strong everyday,
You are doing it right. You always show to everyone that you are fighting hard after breaking down a million times, as if nothing’s wrong, as if you do not need anyone’s help. You are fighting hard to be the person everyone wants and expects you to be, and it is okay with you, they have never heard you complain.
You’re a woman with a big and beautiful heart. You are fighting battles you can’t even discuss with anyone because you do not want to be a burden. You try to be strong and help everyone when you, yourself, is helpless, you give encouragement to those who need it when you, yourself, need it the most. You always put other people first and they don’t even notice it. You have told yourself that you have no right to rest and that you have to always fight for those you love, at all cost.
Brave heart, I want you to know that God is seeing the narrative of your life. He sees every tears you wipe before you step out of your room and smile like you weren’t crying yourself to sleep last night. He sees how hard you try to be alright in front of those you love but you are dying to cry your heart out. He sees how heavy your chest is, He sees how much you bear the pain. He hears your silent cries, He knows you are afraid everytime people would ask you what’s happening and you won’t find the right answers.
Beloved, I want you to know that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to rest and give yourself space from everything that is tearing you apart. It is okay to pause and breathe for a while.
So take heart, woman.
You are making us proud.
