#excerpt from a book im writing
It smells different here now. The air doesn’t smell sweet like pancakes and cinnamon instead everything smells like a fire that won’t stop. The other day I tried to make something for breakfast, and I was proud of myself because I’ve been skipping breakfast for so many weeks now. But the toast turned into ashes, and honey, they say oil and water shouldn’t be mixed together so why the hell were we together? I think we were two molecules that tried to be together until we noticed that one of us was broken. I don’t mean to sound irrational but I just want to ask you, do you think someone out there will salvage the air we once inhaled together?
-Alexa Evangelista, my head is underwater
How do you expect me to feel
when you put the entire
universe inside my heart?
And then one day you decided to
burn everything we nurtured?
The sun died and the clouds
weren’t even crying.
The flowers stood still,
and I cut off the thorns
on all of the roses you gave me
because what was the point of
trying to save them from the wild?
My chest felt like a love struck
battleground, and I was just sitting
next to the armor. Now everyone can
see that I’m not the same person
who once had the entire universe beating
inside the heart that once lived.
-Alexa Evangelista, the book I’ll never finish writing
I want to forgive you. But every time I think about what could’ve happened my heart turns into a natural disaster, and my bones collapse inside of me, and my mind falls Into a pile of purple thoughts. The thing is I’ve sat in front of my mirror and pretended I was hearing your apology and I’ve thought of a thousand ways to let the earthquake that sits in between us stop. But the problem is you never felt the bruises or had to pick up your bones because they were broken instead you were the one who walked away when my whole life was falling.
-Alexa Evangelista, the book ill never finish writing
He acts as if it was easy to let him go, but he never saw the claw marks I had left all over his skin.
What a silly thought
to think that the point of a relationship
is to be forever.
I have had forevers last six months
and forevers last two years
and still they run through my veins
as lessons
as experiences
as growth.
Never minimize a relationship as a failure
just because it has completed its’ course
Hey guys I’m going to be moving my content primarily to YouTube since the changes for creators on Tumblr. I don’t really care for what is happening to the platform too much. I do hope you consider following me on this journey still. Thank you all so much.
wonder we go when we die
“i’m sorry if you touch my heart and find the scar tissue;
there used to be a thorn there
i’m sorry if the prick is like a diabetics reading; there used to be a thorn there.”
- words for us
He kissed her, and she let him do it. She even kissed hi, back, slowly, as if she was enjoying the kiss, and maybe she was. It looked like if it was lasting so long, even if it was happening so fat. And when the kiss stopped, she whispered, like she never wanted to say it, like she was forced.
“We can’t do this.”
And the, she opened her eyes, looking at his with the most broken look he ever saw.
“Why? He whispered at his turn.
-Because, I didn’t change, I just got worst.
-I know.
-Because, honestly, you totally fucked me up, and you broke me like hell. I can’t let that happen anymore. I can’t let you take everything I built since you left and destroy it.”
He looked at her sadly, and couldn’t find anything to say. So she stood up, and left as he was still looking at her, trying to find something to make her stay.
The problem is that happiness is not fleeting without you, but now I can’t tell you about it.
Selicia Ramirez
“ I’m sorry I trying to numb the pain with other people. We’re not together and I’m lonely, but these touches don’t compare to yours”
Selicia Ramirez (I know you’re not mine I’m sorry)
Listen,
It’s going to be alright.
I know up to this point, things haven’t worked out for you. Things may not be going the way you’ve wanted and prayed it to be. Even so, it is okay.
You’ve put your heart on the line for how many times and again and again, you’ve come up empty handed. You never fear losing, it is just you’ve given so much, you’ve given your all and yet you had nothing. Time after time you’ve given so much and received nothing in return.
And yes, it is going to be alright.
You kept asking because you’ve sacrificed, you’ve tried, you’ve fought hard and yet here you are —questioning, wondering, doubting and worst may be, losing hope.
But that’s okay, that is okay. Keep your head up, conqueror.
Believe it or not, at this point, God wants you right where He wants you.
He’s mending you.
He’s prunning you.
He’s molding you.
He’s strengthening you.
He’s working in you.
He’s working on you.
And He’s preparing you.
He’s preparing you for something that is far better anything you’ve had before.
He’s preparing you for something that you can’t even imagine.
He’s preparing you for something you’ve been praying for, day after day, night after night.
The world may have turned its back on you but it is okay.
Because maybe, He’s preparing you for something that’s going to make you look back, and understand why He never let anything work before.
artwork by: Aykut Aydogdu
I wish I had a better reason for being this broken but instead I’m just constantly drunk and alone, trying to fix the broken pieces of me with drugs and alcohol that never works.
I would rather be broken than break someone else…
One of the worst feelings in this world is mourning the loss of someone who isn’t dead, just not there anymore. When you have to go through the grief over someone who is still alive, they just don’t want you.
Im content with the fact that love wasnt meant for me and some people are too damaged for anything other than occasional attention when it suits others.
I used to think we were going to be like a fairy tale. But the things you did to me?
That was out of a horror movie.
I just have to hope theres something after this, that theres something better than everything leading up to this point because theres no way that this pain and this heartache is all there is
It has to be worth it..
Its tragic isnt it?
Feeling so alone in a world this full of people? 7.5 billion other souls on this planet and it feels like you are going through it all alone.
