Sunday night was just like old times. You met the guys at Sam’s place, watched a movie, ate dinner, and ribbed each other. Your face was heated when Joaquin mentioned your date but he only needled you for a minute before you got back at him about his non-existent love life. Sam and Bucky exchanged looks but, wisely, decided to stay out of that particular rabbit hole. The night was fun and you were glad your friendship had been restored.
Wednesday night you met Foggy, Matt, and Karen for drinks and then dinner. You joked about it being a double date making Karen blush and Matt clarify that they aren’t an item. Foggy then ragged them both about how they had insisted on a double date making this Matt and Karen’s first official date. They both demurred but you and Foggy kept the ruse going much to the others chagrin. Before the night ended, Foggy invited you to his place on Saturday night for dinner and a movie and, when you said yes, planted a happy kiss on your lips.
Saturday morning you rose to find you are out of coffee and kick yourself for forgetting to go by the store. You get ready for the day and decide to treat yourself to some coffee from Neutral Ground before going to the store. As you trudge down the stairs you hear footsteps coming from above but ignore them until a now familiar voice says your name.
“Ben, hey. I didn’t realize you’d moved in,” you say.
The mission had been completed without a hitch but it had taken two days with the travel involved. On the way back, Bucky acted like a mad man. It took all of Sam’s persuasion to keep him from hurting himself or Joaquin. When Bucky realized you wouldn’t answer any of his calls or texts, he tried Sam’s phone, then Joaquin’s, but all went unanswered. Sam had to wrestle his phone away from him before he crushed it. He managed to persuade one of the pilots to let him use his phone and you finally answered. His heart beat out of his chest hearing your voice.
“Hello?”
“Doll, please let me expl-” the line went dead. You hung up as soon as you heard his voice.
Bucky handed the phone back to the pilot feeling absolutely defeated, “She’s never gonna forgive me, is she?”
You wake with gritty eyes from the tears that had fallen during the night. Every moment from the night before had played in your mind over and over again. You had savored the memory of that kiss, questioned every decision you made, and ran through every possibility of what could have been different. The question of how your relationship with Bucky would be now had run through your mind until your head ached.
Was the friendship you thought you had with him real? What if Bucky wanted nothing to do with you now? If you weren’t going to slake his lust why should he keep you around? No, Bucky is your friend, you kept telling yourself. Your friendship with him, Sam, and Joaquin is real. Bucky had a lapse in judgment. He was just like most guys and let his dick take over his brain for a few minutes. He respected you. He respected you as a person and for the work you do. Just as Sam and Joaquin respected you. You just wished you respected yourself a little more.
“If only” had played in your head for most of the night, robbing you of sleep. If only Bucky did feel the same way about you. If only you weren’t so fat. After all, everyone always said you have such a pretty face, they just don’t realize you hear the unspoken end of that backhanded compliment. What they meant was ‘you have such a pretty face, too bad you’re such a fatass.’ If only you were worthy of someone like him, hot enough for him, good enough for him. If only you could lose the weight, maybe then his feelings would change. Maybe he’d fall for you as hard as you’ve fallen for him. Maybe then you could have him, all of him.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus-size Reader, Foggy Nelson x Reader
Features: Mutual pining, idiots in love, angst, body insecurity, misunderstandings.
Summary: When Bucky finally makes his move, you can’t believe that someone like him would ever really want you. A misunderstanding creates a rift in your friendship and, when a new suitor show up, will Bucky be willing to compete for your affections?
Updates and taglist: Updates for series will be made on weekly. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction for update notifications. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when a new part or story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!
If Only I Could Get To You First (Bucky Barnes One Shot)
Summary: Bucky Barnes and you have been best-friends, but unknowing to the other you both are also in love with the other. Though everyone else seems to know.
Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Fem!Reader
Warnings: Modern AU, swearing, past domestic abuse (non descriptive), mutual pining, fake dating, confessions, best friends, angst, fluff, i just want to squish bucky into a hug, brock rumlow is a dick head, hurt/comfort, love confessions, crying, loving from afar
In the list of bad ideas your best friend compelled you into, only two ever worked out in your favour.
One was sneaking into your first high school party, you’d had your first kiss.
The second was when she pushed you onto the dance floor at the frat house’s halloween party and you bumped into the warlock.
“Woah, easy there.” He’d caught you with a charming grin and his blue eyes. Your lungs would not breathe till he would tell you too.
“Are you alright?” Those blue eyes to a once over, checking for any sign of injury.
“I’m—I’m so sorry, I lost my footing.” You look to the side to glare at your best friend but she is luckily not in your line of vision.
“Woah, doll, who is on the receiving end of that glare?” He wonders loudly over the music which somehow doesn’t bother you.
“My best friend pushed me.” You explain, sighing.
“We could work on a hex.” He offers, you let out a laugh, he’d interpreted your last minute outfit well enough, deep red turtle neck and skirt with a borrowed blonde wig.
“You’re the first person to know who am I.” You smile, he bows.
“The others are beneath our intellect. Do you want to move to the side?”
You nod, his hand finds yours and the night floats away.
“James Barnes, warlock for tonight. What is your name Sabrina Spellman?” He offers his name and then you give him yours.
Conversation flows on, in the little nook of the house.
Movies, TV Shows, a heavy argument about Professor Snape and Dumbledore and then academic choices.
Time went on numbers exchanged, as were memes.
Coffee tumblers refilled over hours every Wednesday.
Movie marathons, study dates, celebrating A pluses and even the occasional C minus.
Pranking his very unhygienic third roommate by placing cups of detergent all over his room and a few cups of water.
————————————————–
You had known his close friends called him Bucky, it was never defined across the months of your blooming friendship if you could call him that name.
Bucky wondered why you hadn’t yet, maybe you did not consider him as close as he presumed. He had no inclination to ask out of fear to ruin the friendship he found within you.
it changed one night, at three a.m. your phone vibrated near your head, you were still dressed in the day’s clothes. Work had been terrible, so you deserved a night off of regular activities.
Reaching for the angrily vibrating device your bleary vision widens, you pick up the call.
“James? Is everything okay?”
“Could I come over?” Is all he asked, sounding broken.
You answered with an instant yes, quickly changing into a jumper and a hoodie. waiting for him in the living room.
His knocks sounded hesitant, almost as if he were reconsidering his choices.
You’re greeted by a heartbreaking sight.
James Barnes, with his hair a tousled mess, eyes puffy and red. Your heart seizes with worry.
“Natalie and I broke it off. I well, Sam saw her out with Zemo. She did not even deny it. How could she do this to me, Firefly?” He even sounds broken, as your nickname falls from his lips.
He lets you pull him into your warm embrace, his arms wrapping around you, pulling your body close into his. He sighs deeply as he finds comfort.
The tears do brim anew, his shoulders shake.
“Bucky,” You hesitate, a hand stroking the back of his head. You guide him to the couch, retrieving your stash of ice cream and running back to him.
He gives a half hearted smile seeing the flavour, a shared favourite.
You give your own beaming grin of encouragement.
“Here is your mission choose you accept it.” You hand him a spoon. He chuckles slightly.
“To finish this entire pint of ice cream with me.”
The ice cream doesn’t stand a chance.
————————————————–
Bucky has good days and bad ones for three months after the break up, the timing awful between midterms and assignments but they served distraction.
To celebrate the end of the torturous examinations you both make your way around New York City. In search of 1 am pizza.
“How are you?” You know it is a question she could dodge but the way he seemed to carry himself slowly coming into his own had given you hope.
Bucky only stiffens for a moment at the question, progress you deem.
“Honestly I feel it was a good thing.” He takes a bite; the cheese pulls and he grins in approval. You take a picture of him as he makes a silly face, both laughing now.
“I might not date for a while but I know I will eventually.” He informs of the decision.
“That is good.” You pat his back, taking your own bite as he in turn takes a picture of you pulling a silly face.
Slowly your phone memory is filled with several outings with your now extended group of friends, and several more with Bucky. He returns back to himself after a few months more, after a few okay-ish dates and he finds himself seeking your company.
He grabs a bouquet of your favourite flowers, his legs need no guidance to the familiar path of your home. Bucky stands near the entrance as the doorman, Percy smiles at him with kind eyes.
“She’s gone out.” Percy tells him, therefore Bucky waits, leaning against the wall phone in his hand scrolling through the fresh batch of micro sized comedy he could send to you.
Familiar sounding laughter pulls him in, your bright face greets his view, then your fingers curl around an arm. He follows the touching limbs to see the face of Rumlow.
You seemed so radiant around the man. Bucky clutches the bouquet tighter as though in an attempt to ground himself or stop his heart from breaking before it could even be given to you.
Rumlow turns you before you can leave his embrace to go to your apartment. Your laughter carries through to Bucky. He watches, lips pressed into a thin line.
Rumlow pulls you close, whispering something your ear, you bite your lip nodding.
Bucky could hear his heart cracking over the noise around him, as your lips are upon that man’s own. He turns, walking away still clutching the bouquet.
Bucky Barnes and you — best friends through college. Maybe that shouldn’t change.
Bucky nods to himself, his feelings probably arose because of the time spent together and your friendship growing deeper. So he tucks this little crush upon you away, and decides that best friends is what you both are meant to be.
————————————————–
Seven months after graduation, Natasha nurses your busted lip. Vodka on the table is also for drinking she tells you. It soothes the ache from your broken heart and lip.
Your phone still unresponsive from the one person you need. How many texts does it take for a best friend to respond?
“I could call him.” Natasha offers as you shake your head.
“I, my texts should be enough, I left him calls as well.” You explain, “Could, could you ask Steve where is he?”
Natasha studies your face, she knows you’re hurt over Bucky not responding. Brock Rumlow was the furthest thing from your mind and heart.
“I will,” She promises and your phone rings, your best friend’s face flashing across the screen.
You take the call knowing the odd time difference between the two of you had her more on edge.
“Hey,” You greet.
“Don’t hey me, did you report him?” She all but yells.
“I don’t want to associate any further—,”
“Bullshit, you absolutely should report that piece of shit unless Barnes has murdered him already, so you cannot call the cops cause then he will be in jail.” She cuts you off.
“I don’t think he knows yet.” You admit, Natasha looks at you, quietly speaking to Steve and updating him about what occurred.
“What do you mean? Is he okay? Because Barnes would not let that asshat breathe. Hell I’m taking the next plane out of Melbourne.” Her nails on the keyboard resound.
“No, no, don’t! Just, okay, look Nat patched me up and she also said vodka’s good for the pain as well so I’m fine and he’s, he’s probably busy…” You defend Bucky, once again.
“Babe, he has been busy awful lot since he started dating that bimbo bitch.” She clicks her tongue, annoyed at the man.
“Look can we just, drop the whole thing, I, I think I need to sleep, and you need to get to work.” You remind her.
“Just leave me messages through the day alright and no memes or links coherent language only.” She warns you.
“Yes alright coherent language only.” You promise.
Nat comes by with a plate of food, placing it in front with a fork. You stare at the pasta for a minute.
“I called Steve, he got through, Bucky is out with her…” She trails off.
“Oh, did Steve say anything?” You hesitate to ask, Nat shakes her head.
“He knows you wouldn’t like her to know so he just made sure Bucky would check his messages.” She gnaws at her bottom lip struggling to say something.
“What?” You look at her.
“You should really report him, this wasn’t the first time was it?” She states you look down at your hands.
“No.” You close your eyes at the admission.
“How long have you kept things from us? From Bucky?” She places a gentle hand over your forearm.
“He, he was very particular, no where where anyone would know. Started two months ago. I tried breaking up after the first time but—,” Your vision blurs, the tears are harder to hold back.
“Do you want me to take pictures? I know we can file a case, or at least a restraining order…” Natasha tries to coax you to listen to her but you just shake you head.
“I can’t I don’t want more trouble, Nat. It’s over he’s gone. The fight was more about him shifting to L.A. and me not wanting to follow.”
“Are you in love with him still?”
“I never was, I just, I thought I could learn to love him and then he just tried to beat it into me…” You shudder in remembrance.
Natasha leaves the topic, knowing that it was difficult to walk away even let alone relive the ordeal.
It is four days later at the scheduled game night that you see Bucky, you don’t greet him.
He furrows his brow when you move away from the living room to the bathroom before he can take a good look at you.
“Where’s Rumlow?” He questions and the room turns silent.
“Did you not see her messages?” Steve crosses his arms.
“What messages?” Bucky retrieves his phone.
“Barnes, when did you last speak to her?” Nat questions then scoffs as Sharon wraps her arm around his wrist pushing the phone down.
“A few days ago, why?” He answers, running a hand along Sharon’s arm.
“Bucky.” She pouts.
“What is it baby?” He questions, being distracted from the conversation at hand by his girlfriend.
“Bucky you should go speak to Y/N.” Steve adds with a bit more seriousness.
“What happened, is she, is Firefly alright?” He looks up in worry.
“Ugh, she always wants your attention.” Sharon whispers loudly, “Does she not have her own boyfriend?”
“Don’t you have better things to do than cling to Bucky’s arm? Or is your default personality trait whiny girlfriend only?” Natasha uses the same tone as Sharon.
Sam covers up his laugh with a cough.
“Bucky.” Sharon whines again then moves away to go to the balcony sniffling and tears welling up.
“Crocodile tears.” Nat rolls her eyes.
“Nat.” Bucky gives an exasperated look, chasing behind Sharon to mend things.
“Steve, please let me punch him.” Nat pleads.
“You know she doesn’t want us to tell him, how has he not responded after the texts? We all got them.” Steve sighs taking another sip of his beer.
You return, wiping you eyes, for any stray tears or mascara.
“Whats got her in pain now?” You ask, a look of disdain taking over. You try not to stretch your lip as the sting from the cut still presents itself.
“Nat called her whiny.” Sam chuckles.
“Nat…” You sigh.
“What, it’s about time we call her out.” She shrugs.
“How are you holding up?” Sam questions, eyes on your busted lip.
“Eh, been better will be better soon I guess?” You shrug and wince as the pain in your shoulder blade presents itself.
“And now she’s making a face at me!” Sharon accuses you and then goes back to the balcony.
Bucky’s heavy sigh echoes through the room.
“Firefly, can you not? I know you all don’t like her much but I do okay? Christ some best friend you are,” Bucky turns back to once again console his girlfriend running a hand through his hair in frustration.
“Some best friend?” Your cold tone makes Bucky turn to face you, a quip ready on his exhausted tongue, he doesn’t get to speak because he finally takes in your appearance.
The bags under your eyes, the redness housed within them, the busted lip you have and the slight wince as you take a deep breath.
“I’m going to kill him.” Bucky connects the dots in his mind.
“No need, these were days ago, I needed you and you were not there James.” You accuse, tears brimming once more.
“I, Steve said to see my texts but I had none from you… Steve why did you not say anything?”
“You could have called me. You, I left you voicemails, crying sobbing, asking for you. For your help. You weren’t there. They didn’t say anything because I wanted to tell you but then again, your time and devotion is pre-booked. Let me know when a slot opens up, I can summarise the whole thing in two minutes, the least I can do as some best friend.” You sneer, walking towards the door in no mood to stay any longer.
Bucky mechanically follows you,
“Firefly, I—, I swear I don’t have any messages, I’m not lying!”
“You could have called!” You accuse.
“I was out—,” Bucky tries to grasp your hand.
“Like I said, I know you’re too busy, for me.” You press the call button several times more waiting for the elevator to come up faster.
“That is no excuse, I’m so sorry, I just, please stay, we can talk.” His hand reaches to grab your shoulder. A painful sound escapes you and you flinch away from him.
“Where else did he hurt you?” Bucky’s tone holds no emotion, you look up at his face, the stoic expression masks his feelings but the anger in his blue eyes is reaching its summit.
Your eyes shift to the elevator when it dings to signal the opening of the doors.
“You aren’t leaving.” Bucky informs you.
“I do not want to talk about this.” You tell him, feeling like your heart might break again.
“I do. I need to know what did he do, because he won’t be breathing after I’m done with him.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” Your eyes shift to Sharon who rolls her eyes at you, then puts on a pout when Bucky turns to look at her.
“Bucky,” “Not now Sharon.”
Bucky turns back, but you’re inside the elevator. He steps ahead to join you, the doors begin closing his fingertips just graze the border where the sensors would have the automatic doors reopen.
He’s pulled back by his arm by Sharon, you look down. Heart breaking again, that you can’t even be prioritised by your best friend. He won’t even fight for you.
Bucky catches the quiet sob that escapes past your lips at wrapping itself around his heart squeezing upon it.
“Do you have any semblance that someone else could have bigger problems that you?” Bucky looks at Sharon, taking his arm out of hers.
“Baby,” She begins her fake tears again.
“God, not with this again. Sharon, seriously please.” Bucky groans in frustration.
“You want to spend all your time with that stupid bitch.” She complains as Bucky turns to press the elevators if he is fast enough he can catch up to you.
“She’s my best friend. She needs me.” Bucky glares at Sharon.
“No, she does not she managed to find help elsewhere four days ago, she just wants your attention.”
“What the fuck did you say?” Natasha verbalises the question brewing within Bucky.
“I-, no I said nothing! Nothing!” The blonde stutters in defence.
“Oh I’m going to smack this fucking bitch—,” Nat is pulled back by Steve.
“Did you delete Firefly’s messages and voicemails?” Bucky’s voice is low and cold, almost similar to what yours was towards him.
“I—, no,” Sharon gulps audibly, sweat breaking across her forehead.
“You have one more chance, did you fucking delete messages my best friend left for me, at a time she needed me?” Bucky’s hands form fists. Sharon had kept asking to take pictures on his phone, then sending herself the ones she liked thats when she must have deleted all of your communication to him.
“Bucky, it’s always, Firefly this and Firefly that, what about me?” Sharon defends, trying to move close to Bucky.
The elevator dings, opening on the floor. Bucky crosses the threshold.
“I’m going to send the elevator back up, I want you out of my life. My house key can be dropped off here at Natasha’s, don’t you dare try to contact me or anyone. It is over.”
Sharon’s final plea falls on deaf ears as the doors are closed and Bucky lets out a heavy sigh. He brings out his phone trying to call you as he jogs through the crowd towards the nearest station, checking the watch he knows the next train leaves in ten minutes.
Bucky calls out your name through the station, his breathing erratic. You have your hood up, not wanting to be spotted by him.
You can hear his calls, the way your phone vibrates in your pocket a frantic echo of his own booming voice.
“I’m sorry, I really am so sorry, it is no excuse she deleted the messages, fuck, I should have called. I should have been the one there. I’m your best friend. I should have caught on earlier.” He tenderly cups your face between his hands, guilt seeping into his bones.
His thumbs wipe your tears, you don’t want to have a public meltdown.
“Come on let’s get you home, I think we still have time to grab ice cream from Mrs. Lorena’s store.” His warm hands leave your face, but the warmth returns on your hands as he intertwines them with his, you want to cry all over again.
Bucky takes charge of leading you through the night train, you both stand in favour of the elderly couple who need the seats. They look at the two of you warmly.
You feel small, your hand never leaving his, he stays close with almost a protective stance over you.
Bucky notes the change in your demeanour. How you’re hiding away, flinching at loud sounds.
It eats at him how these small things had inculcated themselves into you the past months you were with Rumlow. He didn’t care about the consequences, he will beat the shit out of that fucker.
Your mind races, back to the night you first went out with Rumlow. Somehow your mind kept comparing what he did to Bucky. As though your tall brunette best friend should be the standard of all men.
————————————————–
You weren’t going to call Rumlow back, realising that maybe the reason you were comparing him to Bucky was because you were in love with your best friend, your Bucky.
The conversation was going to be simple, carry a bouquet of his favourite flowers, a letter in your hand filled with your confession. Your nerves singed with each step towards his door.
You rang the bell, once, twice; then you heard the laughter and kisses. Your heart sunk, you scrambled to hide at the other end of the hallway.
Bucky came into view with Sharon, the business major. They make their way to his door, lips meeting ever so often, you feel each one deliver a crack to your heart.
Maybe, maybe you were meant to be best friends only. The door closes and you can hear their sounds, you move past the corridor and exit the building.
Nodding to yourself, Bucky Barnes and you best friends through college.
————————————————–
“Firefly?” Bucky waves a hand in front of you, you blink, looking around.
“Huh?” You speak before realising.
“I asked where is your key ring?” Bucky looks at you in worry.
“Oh um,” You fish around for the familiar keyring handing it to him.
Bucky opens the door at sets down the bag of groceries. How long did you space out for?
“So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it,” He brings out your favourite ice cream tub from the bag.
Your face breaks out into a grin, a laugh finally reverberating in your chest rather than sobs.
“Is it to eat this ice cream and talk to your idiot best friend.” Bucky holds up two spoons as an offer.
You grab one, then grab the tub and make a run for the living room couch.
“Oh no you don’t!” Bucky chases after you, you twist around the last minute your foot and his tangling with the fluffy carpet under the coffee table, you both land on the couch.
Bucky is above you as your foreheads collide and the tub of ice cream rolls onto the floor.
“Are you okay?” He questions, as you rub your forehead and his, the ache dies down slightly of the impact.
“Sort of,” You wince, then look at him.
The two of you lock gazes, heat blooms between you both. Red tinged cheeks.
Bucky had wondered how it would be, to hold you this close.
You had wondered how it would be, to have him in your arms.
Both of you break out of your thoughts and scramble to sit up. Ankles still caught in the carpet, you both slide down the couch, ending with your straddling his hips.
His hands move to your hips and yours wrap around his neck.
Bucky feels your warm breath fan across his face, how is it you fit so well against him, as though you belong next to him.
You feel his fingers gently squeeze your hips, how is it that your arms encircle him as though he belongs between them, next to you.
You feel something poke your thigh. Bucky’s eyes widen.
“Um, is is that…”
“No um, no,”
Bucky panics at your suggestion quickly moving you from his lap to beside him on the floor.
The spoons clatter to the floor between his legs.
The sigh that leaves from Bucky’s lips has you laugh, he joins in. Shoulders shaking and heads thrown back in mirth.
Your head on his shoulder and his resting on of top yours.
Laughter and giggles filling the apartment after months.
————————————————–
It is another month later when you all are at your weekly game night at Bucky and Steve’s place.
“Barnes, who are you taking to the wedding then?” Sam questions between shuffling the deck of Uno Cards.
“What wedding?” You curiously look up Bucky sighs, shoulders deflating.
“Maya is getting married, and insisted I bring someone along, and well they wanted to meet my girlfriend but I’ve broken up.” He explains, placing a chip in his mouth.
“So just tell them?” You quirk an eyebrow.
“You remember Maya right?” He looks at you with an incredulous gaze.
“And Mr. Barnes here hasn’t told her, he’s broken up. Wanted to show off the whiney girl.” Sam announces.
“Winnie Barnes would not approve.” Steve adds quietly and Bucky groans.
Nat gives you a look before looking down into her phone. You blink a few times not understanding what that look meant.
Your phone chimes, your eyebrows furrow at the message.
Best Friend: go as his fake date to the wedding, his family adores you.
Me: who even told you?
Best Friend: not important.
You look up with a glare at Natasha.
Best Friend: don’t glare at her. She’s an innocent baby.
Me: I’m not doing the fake date thing. Not with Bucky, it will be hard.
Best Friend: come on, he looks at you the same way.
Me:he doesn’t. and also bye. i’m not having this conversation again.
You place your phone back, looking up at the four of them staring at you.
“What?” You question, picking up your seven cards.
“Do you have any solution for Bucky?” Steve wonders, you look at Nat, she shrugs innocently.
You narrow your eyes at her.
“Let me think.” You bide your time. Bucky inhales deeply, seeing his own set of cards.
Your phone chimes again, you control the groan that whats to leave you.
Best Friend: listen, just trust me okay? When have I said something that turned to shit?
Me: its only twice your plans have not turned to shit.
Best Friend: ouch. this won’t turn to shit come on, help him out. I’ll ask Nat to let you win.
Me: as if I need to be let to win.
Best Friend: she has 4 draw fours.
Me: what the fuck?
You look up and Nat discreetly shows you proof.
“Say the word and you get them.” Nat whispers.
More encouragement comes through from your best friend.
“What if, Bucky, you take a fake date…” You clear your throat.
“Maya will catch on its a fake date and then it will be a mess, I just will fake a work thing.”
“What if I go? As your um fake date?” You offer, placing your cards face down near the space between you and Nat.
“Are you sure? I mean they may believe it…” Bucky trails off in thought.
“I mean, only if you’re comfortable… Just Maya will be upset if you don’t go at all and not having a date should not stop you—,”
“No, I think it should work, we know each other well enough to pretend to be in love.” Bucky grins.
You try not to wince, “Yup, yeah, won’t be hard to pretend.” You agree.
“Thank you, Firefly.” Bucky beams for the remainder of the game even as you beat his ass with your exchanged cards.
————————————————–
BestFriend: so who wants to bet on they return as an official couple? I place a 100 bucks.
Natasha: add my 100 to that
Sam: nah man they’re too scared to admit it.
Steve: they won’t damage the friendship.
Best Friend: Oh lil Samuel and lil Steve ya’ll better be ready to pay up.
————————————————–
You grasp the handle of your suitcase a little tighter as Bucky’s car pulls around the corner. You walk closer to the edge where he could park for a few moments as you would load up your things.
Bucky set the car into park stepping out and greeting you with a wide smile. You return the gesture, he envelopes you into one of his warm hugs. Easing your nerves.
“Here give it to me and you can hang the dress near the suit.” Bucky takes your small suitcase and you open the backseat door his navy suit hanging from the hook, you place your own dress near it. Checking for any folds and then getting into the front seat with him.
“So um,” He says after a few moments of silence.
“Yeah?” You look at him, he seems nervous.
“We need to get our stories straight…” He hints you nod.
“When did we start dating, first date, who asked who?” You list, he nods.
“Guess watching those rom-coms proved to be useful.” He chuckles, you swat his arm lightly.
“Okay so we sort of confessed a few months ago, but we were scared to ruin the friendship.” He offers, which in a sense was true for him, though he never confessed. Even though he had fallen for you.
“Yes and we decided to date other people, but those didn’t work out so we decided to give it a shot cause the feelings never went away.” Which was true you think, at the back of your mind you were in love with him.
“Okay, yes so we’re dating since a month and a half…” He offers, you hum in agreement.
“Yep and first date…” you pause to think.
“Ice cream parlour.” He offers, you smile that was actually your first outing as friends.
“Yeah, and you had the cherry stuck to your nose with whipped cream.” You begin to laugh.
“Oh right miss, whipped cream moustache.” He gives you a look, chuckling as well.
“Oh right, you looked like a clown.” You roll your eyes.
“And you were my sidekick.” Bucky teases.
“Alright, alright, and we both confessed, got each other flowers and stuff.” You admit, you had put the flower in resin.
Bucky grips the wheel, he had gotten one flower’s petals from the bouquet preserved.
“Yeah, that, that sounds romantic enough.” He clears his throat. The earlier tension seeping back into him, was this a mistake? What if he said something stupid.
“Hey, um, Buck?” Your hand rests on his shoulder.
He looks at you at the stop sign.
“If, if at any point you feel the whole faking thing gets too much lets you know keep a safe word and we’ll you know revert to being best friends and try to exit that situation okay?” You offer.
“You’re perfect you know? I was nervous what if it gets too much for either of us and this yeah the safe word is sensible.” He agrees.
“So whats our safe word?” You question.
“Draw-four.” His mouth twists as though he can taste the loss against your multiple draw fours that you saved just for him at the one on one game.
You can’t help but laugh, “Okay, draw-four it is.”
Bucky shakes his head, shifting the gear as the green light comes into view.
“Also, Firefly, I want you to be comfortable I know what the fucker did might linger or come back at random moments, I know you’re doing well with therapy but if it gets too much or if anything triggers you, please tell me. I will get you out of that situation or help you as you need okay?” He says, you feel your chest constrict at the intensity of him caring about you.
“I will, Bucky, I promise.” You give his hand a squeeze oer the gearshift.
————————————————–
The two hour journey to the venue has you both slightly tired, mostly hungry. The rehearsal dinner was the event you both had to dress up first for, as you both enter the venue.
A squeal has you both turn.
“Maya.” Bucky grins opening his arms for his cousin to come crashing into him.
“I thought you were going to ditch my wedding.” She complains but then bounces excited, “Now introduce me to your date!” her eyes turn to you, widening.
You offer a smile your congratulations to her caught in your throat as she screams excitedly once again.
“Oh my god, I knew it! I knew this would be best friends to lovers! James you did good! Wait till I tell Aunt Winnie and Becca!” Maya cheers pulling you into a hug. You hug back and Bucky scratches the back of his neck giving you a nervous look.
Maybe it would not be hard to convince them that you both were in love he thinks…. The only problem was how does he convince himself not to blabber to you.
You feel Maya’s excitement seep into you as well when she pulls away, jumping slightly.
“Congratulations!” You cheer.
“Girl, you have to tell me how did you both realise.” She raises a finger up in warning.
“I will, I will.” You give a promise to the bride.
“What is all this commotion?” Winnie Barnes steps out of the room that Maya was in, her smile widening as she spots her son.
You admire them as they hug after months of staying apart.
Winnie pulls away from the hug, running a hand over Bucky’s hair and then cupping his jaw.
“Ma, don’t cry you saw me yesterday on video-call.” Bucky wipes her tears.
“Not the same,” She pats his head, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you.” He engulfs her in a hug again.
“I love you too, sunshine.” She smiles warmly.
“Now where is this mystery date of yours, hiding things from your Ma,” She gives him a small glare, Bucky widens his eyes. He scrambles to turn and his hand is outstretched towards you, you intertwine your fingers with his, stepping next to him.
“Bucky, you better not be lying.” She looks between the two of you, his grip tightens on your hand.
“We’re not, Mrs. Barnes—,”
“Sweetheart, Winnie for you always.” His mom corrects you, a warm smile.
She cups your cheek as well.
“So he finally came to his senses.” She teases.
“We both did…” You add with a smile, looking up at Bucky, admiring him.
Bucky looks down at you, your gazes transfixed upon each-other his blue eyes inviting.
Bucky wants to be lost in your eyes, drowning in their deepness. Submerging himself in the affection that they currently hold for him.
A flash has you both turn and shake your heads.
“I need one for the album.” Maya reasons and Bucky sighs.
“Send me a copy?” You offer trying to dissipate the tension.
“Why don’t you both settle into your room? And no funny business.” Winnie warns, you both pale.
“Ma, I would, no—,” Bucky stutters, a blush coating his cheeks.
Winnie looks at you, before laughing.
“He better be treating you right, sweetheart, if not just tell me. I’ll sort him out.” She gives him a warning look.
Then Winnie cups your cheek, “I am so happy you’re with him.” She says earnest.
Guilt gnaws at you, Winnie probably would be heartbroken if she knew you both were lying through your teeth.
“Sir, Ma’am, your room is ready, we’ll have the luggage delivered to your room in the next ten minutes.” The receptionist hands you the keycards.
“Well go freshen up I’ll see you both at seven-thirty for the rehearsal dinner.”
With a final hug to Winnie and Maya both of you sauntered into your room. Bucky looks at the bed. The only bed.
“Um, I’ll take the sofa.” He offers.
“Bucky that sofa is not even going to fit your legs…” You inform him.
“We’ll just make a wall of pillows?” You offer.
“Are you sure?” His mind wanders to the night you were in his arms, straddling his lap.
He coughs to remind himself; not to let his mind wander astray.
You nod, at what you don’t know, it’s not like you both haven’t cuddled or been in each other’s physical space before. Road trips you both pretty much sat next to each other fell asleep listening to songs so why was this different?
“Is it cool if I shower first?” Bucky turns to the bathroom, “Oh fuck me.” He mutters.
“What?” You follow his line of vision.
What kind of hotel was this?
The wall between the bathroom and bedroom wasn’t opaque it was a glass, a very transparent glass. The door was made on frosted glass, but again you would be able to understand what was going on.
You gulp audibly.
Bucky opens the door to check if there is a curtain or towel to cover the pane.
The bathroom proves to be larger, inside, the toilet seat away from the view only the glass shower and bathtub can be perceived from the glass.
You peek from the glass as Bucky rests his hands on his hips as he looks around for a solution.
“Shower with swimsuits?” He offers an idea.
“Bucky I didn’t carry one…” You scratch the back of your neck, suddenly everything feels incredibly warm.
“Underwear then…”
“How about we just shower while the other one faces away? Or lays in bed…” you counter.
It seems plausible, Bucky purses his lips, then nods.
“So um, you lay down, stretch your feet out and I’ll um, shower first then I’ll lay down…” He runs a hand through his hair and then over his stubble.
You nod, grabbing your phone and turning to the bed.
Bucky grabs his toiletries and powers through going to the very open bathroom. Maybe the hot water will fog up the glass?
You immediately text your best friend and Natasha about the one bed and very daunting bathroom situation but they just send stupid laughing emojis in response.
You groan.
Some friends they are, the shower runs and from your angle on the bed you can’t see a thing apart from the ceiling of the bathroom, you sigh.
It would just be easier to admit to Bucky you have feelings for him. You can’t risk your friendship though.
Bucky sighs in content as the droplets hit his skin. The warm water taking away the stress of the day and tenseness in his shoulders. He watches the rivulets trail from his body to the anti skid flooring. One hand on the wall.
His mind briefly wonders what would it be like to have his ex here and then he dismisses the thought. Sharon and he were supposed to be a one off a distraction from his growing feelings for you.
Then she got clingy, demanding every waking minute of his to be hers to fill with herself and her own needs and wants.
Bucky sighs again, the suds of soap now turning clear. He grabs the towel, checking the glass sure enough it is fogged up by the heat.
He puts on his boxers and jeans as he exits and your voice catches in your throat as a lone rivulet makes its was down his neck then chest then abdomen, ending just over the taut band of muscles and you feel as though the world is in slow motion.
“Take a picture it will last longer.” Bucky teases bringing you out of your staring.
“I h-hope you didn’t use up all t-the hot water.” You stutter get up grabbing your set of things from your bag.
The outfit for tonight was a simple purple jumpsuit that brought out your curves, and chest. Long sleeves but very comfortable.
Bucky lays down, texting Sam and Steve finally about what was happening. They both offered him advice on avoiding the shared bed but then the picture of the couch he sent had them agree with your pillow wall idea.
As the shower runs he feels himself grow less confident in his plan to have you both pretending, he was so sure he’d slip up.
When you exit Bucky’s lips part the deep purple of the jumpsuit bringing out the colour of your skin and eyes. The neckline of the outfit was probably his favourite, it was low, and accentuated your chest as the sleeves were the ones that had slits on them.
It showed skin but in a way that was risqué but classy.
The fabric hugged the curve of your hips and Bucky wanted to pull you close to him just so he could feel your warmth.
“Take a picture it will last longer.” You tease him and he shakes his head, observing you do your make up. He’d seen it before the way your tongue would poke out in concentration as you picked which eyeshadow to use or if the colours were going well with what you were wearing.
You turn to him once you’re done,
“Can you see if these are even?” You sit next to him on the bed closing your eyes.
Bucky’s eyes are on your lips and not eyelids. He traces their outline with his gaze, appearing so soft and so inviting.
“Bucky? Is the eyeliner equal?” You open your eyes as he looks up at your confused expression.
“Yes, um w-was just ma-making sure they were equal…” He stammers out quickly getting up and to further aid drying his hair. He was growing it out again.
The two of you make it downstairs, Bucky’s arm slips around your waist before you enter. Pulling you close to his warmth. You smile up at him.
“You look beautiful.” He admits looking down at you with a smile that sends flutters through your stomach.
“You look quite handsome yourself.” You offer him an equally butterfly inducing smile.
Bucky knows his heart will break this weekend but if he gets to pretend to be yours then its worth it.
You look up at Bucky stealing a final glance before walking through the door. You suddenly realise that maybe, maybe basking in this pretend would at-least give you a taste of happiness, even if the magic would end come Monday morning.
As the two of you find your seating next to Rebecca, who also is elated at you being the secret girlfriend. The dinner begins to go by without a hitch.
Emotional words are said in the practice speeches and the love between Maya and her to be husband, Marcus; is felt through all the attendees, tying them all together.
Bucky has his arm around the back of your chair, as you all wait for dessert. He doesn’t realise it when he begins to trace soft patters along your mid back. You lean into his comforting touch, allowing him to continue.
When you look up at him, your breath hitches at how intently he looks at you. Those azure eyes taking in every bit of your own eyes.
“Oh come on, just kiss already.” Rebecca’s voice stops the patterns being drawn upon you.
“W-what?” You look at her in confusion.
“You both look like you want to tear into each other.” She rolls her eyes, “Just kiss we’re all adults. Well except the kids table in the corner but,” Rebecca shrugs.
Bucky leans in deciding to kiss your cheek just to shut his sister’s mouth. You then turn to face him just when his lips were to brush you cheek.
His soft, slightly chapped lips brush over yours, his eyes widen for a moment. Then he closes them, his hand cups your jaw. You feel that damned fluttering feeling again, as you kiss him back. Your palm resting on his chest. His heart thundering wildly against his chest.
The kiss lasts for a few moments, that feel as though time was slowed down, all too soon you pull away from him. Biting your own bottom lip and a deep blush creeping across your chest and neck.
“What did you just start dating?” Rebecca comments, “That looked like a middle schooler’s kiss.”
Bucky tries to make sense, you try to make sense as well. Because what the fuck, you both just kissed each other.
“We aren’t into PDA.” You defend with a sip of your drink to soothe the nerves.
Your hand rests on Bucky’s knee, a grounding action that the two of you needed.
Back, in the room; he begins to undo his shirt, he’s halfway done when he pauses.
“Firefly?”
You turn to face him, the make up from your face gone.
“Bucky?”
“Was, was the kiss okay?” He fidgets with the cufflink as he undoes it.
“I um, guess yeah? Why?” You bring your eyes back up to his,
“No, no, um Rebecca’s comment just well, what if we don’t appear that comfortable?”
“Do we practice kissing?” You wonder, god just dig a six feet deep hole and bury yourself in it.
“I, thats not, I’m not—,” He lets out a frustrated sigh, closing the space between you two.
Your ears begin a ringing at the way his cologne floods your senses.
Bucky’s warm hands cup your cheeks,
“I’m not, not trying to take advantage of this but um, maybe we could table kissing? Because I guess handholding and all of the other things we’ve done as, as best friends, so…”
“Yeah no um, yeah I get what you’re saying,” you agree.
“No kissing then.”
“Nope, no kissing.”
With the rule established you both wind down for the night the pillow wall is built and the covers are pulled over your frames.
Exhaustion tugs at your body but sleep seems to be at its wits end not wanting to arrive to you.
Bucky shifts around in bed, staring at the pillow wall. That should not have been the first kiss between the two of you.
His mind is running a mile a minute, he wonders if you’ve fallen asleep.
“Bucky, you awake?” Your soft whisper has him tug one pillow away.
“Hey,” His soft smile greets you with his hair tousled and eyes craving sleep.
“Hey,” you smile back, your eyes on the verge of sleep, a few strands of your hair curling around your forehead.
“Can’t sleep?” He wonders and you nod.
“You too?” You ask and he nods.
“Do you want to talk till we fall asleep?” You offer as a plan.
“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky’s heart feels warm.
It is quiet for a moment before Bucky decides to tell you about his promotion at work. It’s hardly been time at the firm but they recognise his potential.
You reach across the wall and hug him, Bucky grins and wraps his arms around you, relishing the moment.
“Thats great! I’m so proud of you!” You cheer him on, he grins. You both slowly pull away from the hug. Returning to your respective sides.
The conversation flows from there, about what his new responsibilities would be and how he would have to divide his time. Both sets of eyelids get heavy and Bucky dozes off mid conversation, you chuckle lightly. Brushing his hair back and then slumber find you as well. With your hand resting on his cheek.
————————————————–
It’s very warm for the cooler spring day that was predicted.
Bucky is usually feeling like a furnace but today he is exceptionally warm as well. Not that he is complaining but something about the warmth is inviting.
A soft whimper presents itself to Bucky and his eyes peel open. You’re pressed against flush him, his head was buried in the crook of your neck, an arm around your waist. Your arm resting above his own.
“Firefly…” He tries to coax you out of slumber.
“Five more minutes…” You mutter sleepily, shifting around till you face him and your head rests on his chest. How do you have a death grip on him to not let him escape he doesn’t understand.
“Firefly… we gotta get to breakfast…” Bucky manages to free his hand and brushes his thumb over your cheek bone.
Honestly he wouldn’t leave the bed if he woke up to you everyday.
“Shhh, the dough is resting.” You grumble, shifting closer.
“The dough?” Bucky grins amused.
“I’m the dough, must rest in the oven.” You complain again.
“I thought you’re my Firefly.” Oh he’s going to ask you about this.
“I can be two things.” You pull away looking at him.
Bucky looks at you, waiting for the sleepiness to leave you.
“Bucky?” You ask, then look down at your intertwined bodies, well you clinging onto him.
“Firefly, good morning.” He chuckles and then you move away from him all too soon.
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?!” You sit up on your side, face hidden in your hands.
“Because the dough needed to rest.” He says matter of factly
“What dough?” You question, then it hits you the drunken analogy you had come up with your best friend and Nat,
“Oh that no, um, i’m, i’m going to the bathroom.”
You grab your phone and things as quickly as possible, Bucky remains laying in bed you know he’s still laughing, the endearment is clear in his demeanour but you have half a mind you’re going to be called dough from now on till you spill the reason.
Me: i sleepily blabbed to him about resting the dough.
Best Friend: you know this is why I too up night classes here, to stay awake for the fresh batch of well rested dough stories.
Nat: So how was the resting of the dough on the very hot oven?
Me: i hate you both. It was a drunken analogy about Bucky being warm.
Best Friend: that made you want to be dough resting in the oven.
Nat: so when will you get to baking? Now that you have rested.
Best Friend: oh I think very soon, Bucky’s probably stiffly up to the right temperature.
Me: i will smack you both. stop it.
You groan silently. Keeping your phone on the counter. Useless, your friends are useless comedians at your expense.
Breakfast passes by in the hotel as an uneventful affair, Bucky and you decided that meal times without family intervention would be on best friend mode so the conversation was mutual topics and trying to see if you could squeeze in a marathon of harry potter movies to commemorate the time you did the same in college a year ago.
The ceremony is at five which gives you a few hours to kill before absolutely needing to get ready.
“Do you think we should ask your mum or Maya if she needs any help? It just feels weird being just a guest…”
Bucky’s hair is falling upon his forehead when he looks up at you. Unthinkingly you reach over to help move it, and for a moment he wants to just have your fingertips run through his hair as he lays next to you.
“I, yes, we should.” He wonders if you can hear his heart beating almost as if it will leap out of his chest.
And you both find yourselves barely making it in time to get changed for the ceremony. Bucky takes over ironing duty since he knows your absolutely need to wash your hair before an event otherwise you don’t feel yourself.
In the nick of time you make it, Bucky eternally grateful you had his cufflinks set up and he helps you zip up the dress.
You both are panting by the time you reach the attached ballroom. With just two minutes till the bridal march. The wedding planner shoos you both off with a glare as if Bucky and you never helped set the decor because five people of her team fell ill.
“Shouldn’t have fixed that centrepiece.” You grumble as Bucky snickers before you settle into the seats.
“Firefly, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have left it unfixed.” He whispers leaning in,
“I would.” You whisper back.
“You’re too nice.”
“I’ll break it. Let the reception begin.” You warn him.
He wraps his arm around your shoulder bringing you close.
“I think the dough needs some rest.” He teases.
“James.” You warn, the redness of your cheeks only urging him onward.
“James—,” Your voice caught in your throat at his proximity. He licks his lips, eyes on your soft ones. You’re wearing that red lipstick from the brand you frequently stayed up at night to order from, and he could lie and say the shade does nothing for you because your lips seem so inviting the shade of red adding to your allure.
If you ask him for his heart he’d give it to you right there, he’d get on his knees and beg you to have it.
The bridal march breaks his reverie and both of you stand up with the crowd as Maya walks down the aisle with her father, looking every bit of an angel in her wedding gown.
When you look at her fiancé, your heart lurches, he’s crying tears of joy watching her close the final bit of distance between them and their forever.
As her father gives her hand in her to be husband, the intimate look of hidden smiles they share almost has you look away.
Bucky watches the ceremony play out, Maya and Marcus have to say their vows now and he knows they were best friends before Maya admitted her feelings and they have been together four years before they got engaged.
“I believe the couple have prepared their own vows.” The minister gestures and Marcus’ best man hands him his folded papers.
“Maya, I met you in high school and you were instantly my best friend.” Marcus begins.
“We made a list of promises of what we would do and a set of friendship rules, you may not remember but I still have those pieces of decorated cardboard.”
Maya laughs, recalling the memory.
You look up at Bucky, recalling the moment from where you both turned into each other’s best friends.
“The first time as best friends when we had an argument was over where would we go to for college, because in all honesty you and I can only function if we’re close enough to share our one braincell.”
Their entire bridal party laughs at the joke.
You recall the time you were paired with him to play Charades and the two of you sucked so horribly that the entire group banned the game.
“That day I was so angry but when I went back home I saw those cardboards. I knew college could be done anywhere but my best friend? I couldn’t leave her. That is the best damn decision, I made, well that and proposing to you and today standing in front of you, vowing to be by your side, even when you hate me leaving my clothes scattered on the floor, loving you even when I may be annoyed at you for not being able to pick a place for dinner,”
Maya lightly swats him, then wipes a tear.
You stare at Bucky catching the smile on his face, you wonder what he thinks about, then you feel him about to look at you so you look ahead.
“To cherish you even when things around us may push and shove us to not remember what we’re together for, to nourish and nurture our love, our life,
to work on myself to be the best I can be for you. To support you in everything you need me to support you, to catch you if you stumble, to be held by you if I tumble. I vow to be your best friend, love and husband as long as time is ours.” Marcus gazes lovingly at his bride.
Bucky tears his eyes away when he hears your sniffle. You wipe your tears with the back of your hand. His hand shifts to wipe your tears and to hold you closer. Press his lips to your temple in promise.
“Marcus, how am I supposed to speak now?” Maya complains with a chuckle that masks a small sob.
Her groom shrugs innocently making all the teary eyed faces laugh.
“My Marcus, the day you entered my life, was the most ordinary day I thought but little did I know your doodle of a covalent bond in my notebook would be setting up the reaction for an extraordinary life ahead where I get to stand at the altar with you.” Maya looks up at him, Marcus smiles at her, eyes getting watery.
“When I admitted my feelings to you, I was scared to lose you. So scared that I was going to hold my silence. Then you brought those damn sliders from the place we went to as best friends and I knew I had to tell you how much more love my heart held for you.”
Buck looks down at you, every memory with you playing in his mind, taking in Maya’s words and replacing them with moments he has with his Firefly.
“I vow to not nag you for your clothes strewn across the floor.”
Bucky adores you as you laugh. Then looks back at the bride and groom.
“I vow to be brave when you need me to for myself and for you. I vow to let my fears show so you can be brave for me and yourself. I vow to cherish you for who you are and who you become. To nourish and nurture our love, our life. To work on myself for being the one you need through any stage of life we are at; to be your best friend, love and wife as long as time is ours.”
You gaze up at Bucky when his hand moves in your periphery, you catch the redness of his cheeks, he cried as well. Your hands ache to offer comfort.
Bucky gazes at you, both of your visions blurry from the tears.
“Beautiful words, now I ask you, Marcus Finnegan, do you take Maya Barnes as your lawfully wedded wife?” The minister questions Marcus.
He places the wedding band on her finger.
Bucky grasps your hand in his, fingers curling around the space between yours. You look from the half intertwined hands to Bucky questioningly.
He isn’t going to let you go, no.
If he had gotten to you first that night, maybe if he was brave enough he could have prevented the heartbreak.
“Now I ask you, Maya Barnes, do you take Marcus Finnegan as your lawfully wedded husband?” The minister questions Maya.
She places the wedding band on his finger.
You curl your fingers around his hand, letting tears flow down your cheeks. You hope with all your heart you’re interpreting his gesture correctly. If only you had gotten to him first that night.
“I present to you family and friends, by the power vested in me, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes-Finnegan. You may now kiss the bride.”
The cheers and clapping around the ballroom die down into a dull buzz, Bucky cups your cheek with his left hand, pulling your lips onto his own. The kiss filled with a longing and hunger that you both carried for months. Salt mixes with the taste of his lips. Fears slowly let gone off as you grasp his left hand that rests upon your cheek.
When the two of you pull away for air, hidden by everyone standing to keep clapping for the newly weds allowing you both to be tucked away in your little corner.
“Why didn’t we say anything?” Bucky laughs through the tears.
“I was scared to lose you.” You rest your forehead against his, Bucky wipes your tears as you wipe away his own.
“Firefly, I’m never letting you go. Should have walked upto you and that fucker.” He finally admits, confessing his entire plan to you.
“I kept thinking of doing the same when you were with her, showed up with your favourite flowers too. Have it preserved back home…”
“I’ve kept it preserved too.” Bucky admits, joy ceases his heart at your elation.
Your lips meet again, this time with lesser longing than before but the need to have each other ever present. Bucky’s lips peppered kisses all over your face, drawing out laughter from you.
Each mirthful moment tucked away for him to keep.
Your head resting on his chest as his arms around your waist, the slow notes of the song cascade around the two of you, Bucky had you on the dance floor from the first song, dinner left for later.
You tilt your head back looking up at him with so much adoration.
“Waited so long to have you look at me this way.” He admits.
“Always looked at you this way when you weren’t looking.” You confess.
“Never looking away from your gorgeous eyes, Firefly.” He promises, his lips ghost over yours, as you rise on your tip toes even with heels to kiss your Bucky.
Hide Your Lies - Mafia!Bucky, Mafia!Steve x Reader One Shot (Smut)
Summary:Steve and Bucky run the mafia of the town, being with them gets anyone, anything they want. You catch their eye, and they want you. However, the three of you are hiding behind lies, waiting to be told.
Pairing:soft dark mafia!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader, soft dark mafia!Steve Rogers x Plus SIze!Reader, Stucky x Plus Size!Reader
Warnings: MINORS DNI, Mafia dynamics, shameless smut, werewolves, werewolf dynamics, dub con, angst, hurt/comfort, double penetration (not anal), p with plot, slight dumbification kink, authority kink, dom-sub dynamics, soft doms, aftercare, threesomes, bucky and his knife, edging, fingering, thigh riding, canon level violence, kidnapping of the reader, feral bucky and steve, marking kink, breeding kink, lovebites, badass reader, graphic descriptions of violence (none to to the reader), hair-pulling, hand kink, nipple play, possessive behaviour, some fat shaming comments are said to the reader by secondary characters, praise kink, food used in the bedroom (strawberries, i’m staring at Bucky and you will too, menace this man is a menace, i love him)
A.N:this my submission for @boxofbonesfic ‘s #Beastyoumadeofme22 challenge, honestly their prompts make me run wild with what I write. I’ve used The Hills - The Weeknd from the song list that was provided, the song was on repeat every-time I worked on this fic, so I think my spotify wrapped will be changing lol. Also please let me know your feedback and if I’ve missed any warnings so i will add them, happy (smutty) reading! (Also Bucky Barnes having a knife in his hand I almost went off a tangent and lets just say I may explore that idea later). Thank you for letting me participate!
their eyes are on you. every movement tracked. every breath counted. every sip or bite of a morsel noted.
“how is she fairing?”
“limited eating.”
“we need her fed but weak enough.”
“i know.”
the conversation isn’t unknown, same sentences every damn day, as clockwork.
how long has it even been? a week? two? three?
the small window in the top corner greeted the cold room with sunshine, illuminating the flecks of dust floating freely.
a luxury in your eyes now.
the men leave, you predict their imminent return at dusk.
when darkness blooms across the window and the smell of the night blooming jasmines creep along the edges of the moonless night.
the men return, a woman in tow.
you keep your eyes on the small window, your visual gateway to the world once harboured.
the clang against the metal makes you flinch, a powdery scent cascades as the woman seats herself on a folding out chair.
“you haven’t been eating.” she states.
you lick your lips, the dryness upon them rubs against the flesh of your tongue, with hints of the metallic taste from the cut upon your bottom lip.
“nor will you answer the questions.” she states again.
“we have several ways to make you speak, if you continue this childish behaviour.” the man steps forward, a wicked smile gracing his greying features.
“we just want to know about them.” the woman asks of you again.
you sigh. eyes shifting to her. she tucks her blonde hair back, eager to see you might speak.
you stare silently instead.
the man stomps over to you clutching your hair pulling you up, tears prick at the ripping of strands.
“speak or we can get you to speak.” he spits the words, throwing you back down.
“they watch.” you murmur, giving them something.
“what and who do they watch? you must tell us, we can keep you safe.” the woman assures, you begin to laugh, the cut on your lip stings as they extend into a smile.
“they watch us all.” you keep the glee ever present as they exit heads shaking at the meagre information.
your eyes return to the window, two sets of eyes watch you, one houses a grim expression, the other stares at you in concern.
Then.
these roads were a one way ticket to success or to ruin. yet your steps echo in your ears as you traverse to the home rather mansion that resides upon the foot of the quaint hills.
a floral scent lingers in the air, getting stronger as you draw closer to the short flight of stairs.
the crescent moon watches over you, the music now louder, faintly the bass causes vibrations to the metal railing.
the door opens to smoke, liquor and cheers of strangers.
you smile at the drink offered upon entry throwing the hard liquor back, easing your nerves.
two men stand upon the table as the music lowers in volume.
“so those fuckers—,” the shorter haired brunette but built man sways as he speaks, a grin on his chiseled face.
“those stupid fuckers, tried to put Barnes and Rogers behind fucking bars and watch us fall!” the brunette watches with elation at the uproar of rage in the crowd.
the blonde haired man, having the larger chest between the two raises his hand the crowd quiets in the slightest.
“but you know us, we never let anything of worth go, nor do we let our enemies walk away. raise your glasses, for we have expanded territory.”
“to Steve” the brunette raises his glass towards the blonde man
“and to James.” the blonde raises his glass to the brunette the crowd is in cheers once more.
the uproar is louder than before, drinks sloshed, the blonde man grabs a woman and they share a kiss, she pulls away, with a heady grin. of course she just has the chance at all they promise.
you watch on, after all they are the two you know who hold power in this city.
the two disappear, your gaze searches for them, only to fail.
you swallow the remainder of your drink, moving to the centre, bodies move against you as the smoke and haze create the illusion of a memorable night.
you move with the man dancing behind you his hands on your waist, you turn, back against his chest.
Steve catches your gaze, you raise your hands encircling around your partner’s neck, but your eyes remain on Steve as he watches, a smug grin on his face.
he licks his lips, raising his right hand, two fingers curl, beckoning you closer.
you comply.
Steve has his bottom lip between his teeth, slowly releasing it when you come closer.
“we usually do not let in new faces.” he guides your hand around his neck, you shift closer standing between his legs.
you lightly tug on the strands of his soft hair. He hums. you wonder how it would sound if he was laying next to you in the quiet of the night.
“why not make an exception?” you ask, gazing up at him.
“you’re here to get ahead aren’t you? more than half of them are, what makes you so different?” Steve’s other hand, pushes your hair back, fingers curving around your jaw, slowly turning your face as though examining an artefact.
“what makes you oh so special for us?” James whispers, teasing goosebumps raise upon your neck at his warm breath. his hand on your left hip. fingers softly digging into the flesh. when did he appear you fail to realise.
“you want me to plead my case?” you question, tilting your head to gaze at him.
“something like that,” James’ nose brushes along your neck, his eyes on Steve, who nods, a smirk on his face.
you whimper and tug harder on Steves hair when James nips at the base of your neck.
“we aren’t very patient men, doll.” Steve reminds you of the impending question.
“these people are fleeting, they’ll take once and give once. i’m willing to remain.” you voice your proposition.
The music fades into background.
“is that what you want?” James has a deep baritone as trails his fingers down your thigh.
“to be bound to us?” Steve moves the hand on your jaw as his index and middle fingers trace over the neckline of your outfit, over your breasts.
He smiles appreciatively as your nipples harden.
“by flesh and flesh only.” they speak in unison, their warmth making you glow, you’re flush between them, feeling their desire against your abdomen and back.
their hands wandering over your needy skin.
“we need an answer, sweetheart.” Steve chastises, continuing to explore your flesh.
you find both of them are tracing your inner thighs.
“by flesh and flesh only.” you repeat.
“such a good girl.” Bucky praises.
their middle fingers trace over the wetness pooling, your hips move, needy.
“would you look at that Steve?” Bucky says in marvel almost.
“so responsive, Buck.” Steve hums, you preen, feeling yourself turn slicker.
the fabric of your panties tears at their mercy, Bucky’s fingers trace over your folds, while Steve circles your clit.
they glance at each other, your hand shifts around Bucky’s neck, clutching at his hair.
two fingers enter you, you tug on their hair biting back your moans.
“we prefer to hear those pretty sounds.” Steve reprimands with a tug on your clit he plunges his fingers back inside, Bucky lazily moves his finger in sync with Steve.
you let go of your bottom lip, your moans louder and needier as their pace increases. Steve circles his thumb around your clit, Bucky tugs on your nipples through the fabric of your dress.
“we’ll make you feel so good, so full, you want it all don’t you?” Steve questions pinching your clit as your hips stutter. You nod, your words turning into moans.
“you’re close aren’t you, doll?” Bucky’s fingers are thick and deep, tracing over your walls for that spot that will have you fall apart for them.
You nod, their names tumble from your lips as a prayer it only urges them on to quicken their actions,
“how do you think she will taste, Steve?”
“oh we will have a taste once we make her cum all over our hands. You would do that for us sweetheart? look at her chasing for her release.”
“good girls ask permission to cum.” Bucky tugs on your nipples, you only whimper in response, the coil in your stomach tightening.
“and when good girls behave they get rewarded.” Steve adds, through the haze of their movements you find your voice.
“please, please let me cum.” your words choke as you moan when Bucky’s fingers graze over your gspot.
The brunette grins wickedly at Steve as he keeps his calloused digits brushing over your gspot.
“Should we let her cum, Buck?”
“I don’t know,” Bucky’s tone is teasing as his fingers relentlessly keep hitting the spot, “I think we should.”
At his agreement, the coil snaps within you as you gush all over their fingers with a loud moan, their fingers continue to pump in and out of you riding out your orgasm.
“so fucking pretty falling apart for us.”
“such a good little girl.”
your eyes squeeze shut, breathless and all at once the music around you returns to full volume.
The two of them hum in delight, curiously you open your eyes watching them lick their fingers clean. You feel your clit pulsate.
“We’re just getting started, sweetheart.” Steve promises.
From that night what bloomed and bound you to Steve and Bucky only had them even more so addicted to you.
Everything you point at you were given and what you did not point to also kept within palm’s reach.
The nights belonged to them, as they pleased. Either the night would never end or the bed would be cold by daylight.
Leaving you only with reminders of where they’re hands were upon your skin. Marking you. Claiming you.
By flesh and flesh only.
You find yourself laying on your stomach the moon lazily gleams above from the window. The clock reads an early hour. The book you once held forgotten in favour of Steve’s hands moving over you.
Bucky watches, eating the remaining strawberries that he was feeding you just moments before.
“Oh don’t give me that look, poppet.” Bucky chides, your mouth parts as Steve’s tongue laps at the mess you’ve made dripping down your thighs.
“She tastes sweeter than those strawberries, Buck.” Steve hums against your clit, your body arches, fingers gripping the sheets harder.
“She looks something right out of a fantasy, full moon’s light falling on her, spread out between the two of us.” Bucky traces every curve of you and then Steve flips you over, slowly easing into you and Bucky begins his trace with the apex of the strawberry, circling it around your clit.
You watch as the small fruit glistens, a moan leaving your mouth as Bucky bites into it. The juice of the strawberry coating his beard.
“Fuck, petal.” Steve groans as he feels you clench around him.
“Oh did you enjoy that, poppet? Making Stevie feel so good, you’re so good for us.” Bucky repeats the action with the next strawberry, bringing it towards your lips.
“So fucking good.” Steve praises as he gives a particular thrust that has his cock brush against the spot you need him in, your lips part and you taste yourself mixed with strawberries and then Bucky’s lips meet yours, in a messy kiss as Steve picks up the pace of his movements.
You cry out, falling apart for them over and over, even as they soothingly rub their warm palms over you. Your body jolts overstimulated.
“Can you give me one more?” Bucky pleads, hands ghosting along your inner thigh.
“Bucky.” Steve chides, then their eyes meet when you part your legs for him.
Bucky’s fingers brush over your clit, his lips at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. Steve’s beard brushes over the skin on the opposite side, they sit you up.
The three of you kneeling on the bed, you between them and their fingers inside you, the tightness in your bell returning quicker, you won’t last long, your hand grips Steve’s shoulder while the other is on Bucky’s forearm.
“Fuck, fuck,” You preen, grinding down on their fingers chasing the orgasm that will have you come undone for them. As the last of the night’s moonlight hits you three, just as you fall apart between the two larger men, they bite down on the skin of your neck, as you arch against them.
Spent from them drawing out five orgasms from you.
Your body slumps against theirs, Steve hushes you with soft kisses as Bucky retrieves a warm washcloth to clean you up, that night they don’t leave.
Keeping you warm till you wake, eager to sink down onto their hard cocks waiting for your sweet cunt to milk them.
you see them smiling and surrounded by everyone important. your friend and her acquaintance sits next to you, her eyes don’t leave the bite marks that frequent your skin.
“Come on, just tell me.” The acquaintance insists upon knowing.
“Why are you so intrigued?” Your friend asks for you.
“Because she was all goody two shoes in college and now…” The acquaintance gestures to the visible markings with her hand, her blonde hair glimmers in the lights that change.
James has his eyes on you, not enough to draw attention that you’re someone who means something to them. The whiskey burns his throat. He tries to satiate the burn he has to have you close.
“Barnes.” Sam’s voice brings him back into reality.
“Wilson.” He smiles.
“You know I’ve never seen you this lost. Whose caught your eye?” Natasha enquires from her spot at the table.
Steve gazes around the table as everyone’s eyes are on Bucky, he gives him a warning look. Bucky’s eyes shift to where you are, but they settle on the blonde instead as she stands in front of you.
Then waves as she sees he has her in his view.
Your best friend apologises with her gaze, as the acquaintance, whose name you don’t recall. Who probably did go to college with you.
You know their little entourage stays through the night. Watching who they are with, who James and Steve share. How often.
They hardly trust anyone.
Maybe they don’t even trust you.
You shrug in response to her apology.
“Where are you going, Shaina?” Your best-friend enquires as the blonde sashayed up the three steps to the higher booth.
“Just caught someone’s handsome eye.” She calls out; making her way to the table.
“Uh, you may want to not look there.” Your friend bites her lip nervously as you turn to watch her flirt shamelessly with James.
Your jaw tightens.
Your eyes flash to Steve, he doesn’t look your way. Always avoiding calling attention in public.
A server comes to your table,
“Yes?” You turn away from the scene Shaina is acting out. Bucky doesn’t like his arm touched without consent. He doesn’t prefer his collar fiddled with because he prefers the intimacy of undressing, exploring skin as it becomes visible, teasing the flesh.
You keep your opinions to yourself.
Squashing the jealously that dares to flare into an inferno.
Flesh and flesh only.
But was the heart not a piece of flesh too?
“The gentleman, seated there has sent this for you.” The server points to a newer man sitting at the table Steve and James head.
The blue eyed blonde man smiles, giving you a wave.
Steve’s blue eyes finally fall onto you at seeing John Walker wave to your table.
Steve’s lips press into a thin line, as you accept the drink from the server, raising it towards John and then sipping upon it.
John smirks at you, the hand that rests on his thigh raised beckoning you closer. You exhale, almost rolling your eyes.
“Is that a good idea?” Your friend’s tone is laced with worry.
“I’m just going to say, thank you.” You tell her, smoothening your dress the one that was waiting for you on your bed. The deep colour bringing out your skin, the shape enhancing the curves you already have, you walk over to the table.
“What a vision and all for me John Walker.” John gleams, his loud voice brings everyone’s attention.
Bucky’s nostrils flare, he grabs Shaina’s hand stopping it from inching higher up his arm.
The blonde woman frowns, then rolls her eyes when she sees you.
“Thank you for the drink.” You smile at John, his grin only grows tenfold. As his eyes rake over you, pausing over your hips and breasts you realise this drink has an ulterior motive.
“I believe there are ways to say thank you.” John says as though trying to teach you manners, “I would appreciate those.”
“Thanks as those warrant much different actions.” You smoothly reply, Natasha chuckles.
Johns smile drops but quickly returns not wanting to lose face.
“Come on, you’re here staying till late, you and I both know you’re looking for a fuck.” John barks out a laugh.
“Damn, girl. You’re a whole whore.” Shaina laughs as well.
You raise an eyebrow, “What did you just say?”
“Well you clearly are hooking up and yet you want more dick? You really have changed from that meek little romance novel reading thing.” Shaina chuckles.
Your hands grip your glass harder.
“I can treat you like a whore too.” John grabs your wrist. Turning you toward him. You wince as his grip tightens.
You can see Steve’s chest rising in anger, Bucky grows quiet. His eyes narrowed at John. The table silent.
You try pulling you arm away but John relents. Then pouring the remaining drink on John’s head, you begin walking away.
“Fucking bitch. Was doing her a favour by wanting to fuck her fat ass.” John hisses out loudly so you can hear.
Your friend grabs your purse handing it to you as you both walk out of the club. Not a glance spared to either of the men who said nothing. Did nothing.
“I don’t even understand who could enjoy fucking her?” Shaina looks at John, he shakes his head in disbelief.
“Must be really needing to prove his manhood by wanting to fuck her.” John rolls his eyes.
“Agreed. Now James where were we ah yes—,”
“Get out.” Bucky grits through his teeth.
“What, what do you mean?” Shaina seems dumbfounded.
“I said get out of my club and do not bother coming back.” Bucky pushes her hand away that was reaching for him again.
“Are you serious? Because of that fat bitch—,” Shaina yelps shifting several steps back as Bucky stands to his full height, he raises his hand to the side gesturing the security to come forth.
“Take the trash out, please.” He sits back down as the female security escorts Shaina out of the building.
“Now where were we with my percentage discussion?” John talks once they settle back down.
“Barnes, I think security forgot this is a piece of trash as well.” Steve says instead and John glares.
“The fuck?” John slams a hand on the table, questioningly looking between the four.
“Oh, we don’t deal with fuckers like you.” Bucky informs, “Assholes who have fragile egos and are disrespectful.”
“All for a stranger?” John scoffs, “Big mistake.”
“We’ll be the judge of that, now I know you know the exit.” Steve waves the man off dismissively.
John walks out flipping them off.
“Make sure no one buys from him.” Steve orders Natasha.
“On it.” She retrieves her phone.
“Are we going to address what happened?” Sam looks between his two bosses.
“She’s a regular patron.” Bucky shrugs, “Helped Becca out a few times, she needed help with my nieces.”
Sam nods, familial ties, explains the response. He shares a look with Natasha both are sure there is something further ongoing but they don’t say a word.
You sit on the bed, their looks of indifference burn at the forefront of your mind. Steve may have looked angry but stayed silent and Bucky was probably too busy with Shaina. You hold back the hurt.
Flesh and flesh only.
You chastise yourself. You asked for it to be this way. Not wanting more nor wanting to ask for more from Steve or James.
Your best friend returns with two mugs of coffee. You nurse the warm glass as it distracts your mind.
“How are you feeling?” She asks after taking a sip.
You shrug, “Fine I guess?”
She takes your name as if in disbelief.
You shrug again, relishing the warmth the beverage brings.
Your phone buzzes. You exhale as you read the text, “You need to leave, they’re coming over.” You tell your best friend.
“What? After they ignored you now they want sex? Why not do something? Why even allow Shaina to flirt when they have you? Or was it some second rate tactic to get you jealous.” She says narrowing her eyes.
“You, you know what I’ve agreed to, I shouldn’t care about what has to be said in my defence. They don’t owe having to defend my honour or anything. They aren’t in love with me.” You defend them again.
“But you are. With both of them.” She states, and you press your lips into a thin line.
“It doesn’t matter.” You say.
“You matter.” She insists.
“Just, let me deal with it if I don’t feel right when they come I’ll tell them off.” You offer in consolation, she reluctantly agrees.
You watch from your window as your best-friend slides into her cab with her location turned on and shared with you, the headlights of the familiar car illuminate the pathway to your apartment complex.
You sigh, heading towards the door. Internal conflict increases as you can almost feel them approach. How is this supposed to work when it gets fucked up?
The knocks are soft but an urgency in them carries through the door.
They stand in the small corridor, suit jackets discarded, sleeves rolled up to their elbows. Bucky’s eyes greet you first, going over you, cataloging everything in your appearance.
His own way of making sure you’re fine. His eyes linger on your wrist, the two scrunchies you placed catching his eye.
Steve’s hand twitches by his side, waiting for you to allow them inside. Needing to touch you to make sure, to affirm to Bucky that you’re indeed okay.
They share a look before you open the door wider to allow them inside, Steve pulls you into his embrace.
Your palms settle against his chest, Bucky shuts the door.
Steve traces his hands over you, seeing if you were hiding anything from them, at last he allows you to step away. Then gently takes the hand that harbours the scrunchies.
Bucky stands behind you, the heat of his chest seeping onto your back, his hands on your waist.
You wince when Steve takes off the scrunchies exposing the bruising left by John. You had tried to ice it to lessen the appearance of the stained skin. Bucky’s grip tightens on your waist. Not enough to hurt but enough to convey his anger.
Steve’s thumbs wipe your tears. You look up at him not realising that you had begun to silently weep.
“We’re so sorry, Poppet.” The longer haired man whispers against your skin.
“Should have him six feet under.” Steve says as his fingers delicately trace your skin.
You bite back what you want to say, the gleaming darkness enjoying the prospect of them being protective over you.
“Let us take it all away.” Steve hand his index finger under your chin, directing your gaze upwards to his, worried blue ones.
“We’ll make you forget all about him.” Bucky adds, hands inching from your waist over your hips to the hem of the dress you wanted them to take off of your skin.
Your best friend’s words echo in your mind.
“Will you forget her then?” You ask, as you’re turned to face Bucky, just moments before his lips brush against yours.
He pauses,
“Poppet, you know our arrangement.” He reminds you, brushing his fingers over your cheek.
Blue eyes hold sincerity.
“But will you forget her?” The darker side demands to know, was she enough to erase anyone else?
“Petal, we don’t want to take our eyes off of you.” Steve’s hand begins to unzip the dress.
“Do you know why I even looked at her?” Bucky’s fingers cup your jaw, making you look at him. Steve softly kisses the flesh exposed by the undone zipper.
Your eyes close as he moves towards your lower back.
“Look at me, Poppet.” Bucky commands and you comply, his gaze darkening.
“Why?” You ask, wetness pooling at your core when you feel Steve’s stubble brush along your inner thighs, then his fingers tracing delicate promises onto the heated flesh.
“Because I was looking at you all night, Steve told me off as well.” Bucky admits, turning you around, your back against his chest.
“Let us make it up to you.” Steve whispers, his hands grabbing the fabric of your panties and pulling them down your legs.
He places a kiss to each calf as he takes the material off of your skin, Bucky grabs the hem of the dress, pushing it upwards, to allow Steve to see you.
“Look at that Bucky, our girl is all wet for us.” Steve praises as his fingers gather your slick, as he moves them over your folds and circles them around your clit.
You preen, at his movements or his words you don’t know. Bucky takes the straps off the dress down your shoulders, exposing your breasts. He massages the flesh as your nipples begin to harden for him.
“Our girl really is so good to us isn’t she? So fucking beautiful.” Bucky tugs on your nipples, you jolt between them, Steve keeps a steady hand on your hips.
“She is, aren’t you Petal?” He asks, before his tongue laps at your folds.
You nod, meekly, between Bucky’s calloused fingers on your nipples and Steve tongue circling your clit. You grasp at his hair, tugging hard as he sucks on your clit. Steve’s fingers circle at your entrance, he eases them in moaning against your folds as he feels your cunt clench around them.
Bucky’s lips latch onto yours, his hand grabbing your hair, tilting your head back to devour your mouth swallowing all the moans and sounds you make upon his tongue.
“Won’t you cum for us?”
You wither between them, Steve watches as Bucky controls your pace as you make a mess of his thigh, Bucky contracts the muscle every so often while he has you grind down harder.
“Our beautiful, beautiful girl.”
Bucky runs a hand through your hair, as your lips stretch around Steve’s cock. Spit and cum dribble down your chin. Steve’s moans has your cunt clenching around nothing begging to be filled by them.
“So fucking sweet, all for us. Going to fill you up.”
“Both of our seeds inside you, claiming you for ourselves.”
You’re eased down onto Bucky’s cock, both of you moan as you feel him fill you to the hilt. Steve pumps his cock you watch it glisten with your cum and slick. You clench around Bucky.
Steve moves closer, rubbing his tip in circles on your clit, you know you’re dripping and this only adds to it.
He uses the lube, on his fingers two sinking inside you above Bucky’s cock. You had done this before with them but every time they’d make sure to prep you.
The stretch stings a little, Bucky’s lips on your skin and his fingers twisting your nipples aid in distraction. They whisper praises as Steve begins to ease his cock into you, tears spring to your eyes at the stretch and the moan that leaves your lips makes both of their cocks twitch in anticipation of the feeling.
“Ours, ours, ours,”
Their words ring akin to a hymn upon your skin. Waking up something far more primal, even if their claims upon you remained within these four walls.
Slumber finds you quicker than most nights, you fight it off till they are done caring for you. Easing out of you carefully, running a bath of warm water and then showering with you.
Their hands soft, warm, protective. Possessive.
Bucky and Steve kiss their claimed spots on the based of your neck, you sigh in content at the love-bites they’ve left upon you. A silent remind of being theirs and them being yours as you do the same to their skin.
Steve stares at your sleeping form, his jaw tightening when he still sees where John hurt you.
“Careful Steve someone might know you care about her.” Bucky warns in an impersonation of the blonde man.
“Buck,” He groans, they stay quiet as you shift between them, your breathing evening out.
“No, what we did, not standing up for her. Was wrong. Fucking wrong.” Bucky almost yells at him.
“We can’t get in too deep.” Steve reminds him.
“As if we aren’t already.” Bucky scoffs.
Steve is about to say something when Bucky holds up a hand,
“Tell me, when was the last time you were ever truly happy?” Bucky questions.
Steve sighs, looking at you. Knowing Bucky’s answer to the question would involve your name as well.
“The night she decided she wants to watch a movie and cuddle. Then the day we decided to make it a weekly occurrence.” He admits.
Bucky traces a pattern over your cheek. He hates knowing what has to come next, their time with you limited.
Their time to call you theres approaching an end. Today he saw how you responded to being called theirs, he knows you might want more.
Steve sadly gazes at Bucky gazing at you. It’s on the tip of their tongue but they can’t say it. It would only have you be driven away.
The past eight months with you? A miracle no one found out what do you mean to them.
So they would hide behind the lie that they feel nothing for you. That the only time you invoke something within their hearts and minds is when you’re touching them.
Even when you’re the only person they could trust wholeheartedly.
Now.
Bucky howls seeing you staring right at them. The small window their only access to you.
Steve stares at Bucky, the dark chestnut brown fur gleaming under the moonlight.
Bucky looks back to the sandy blonde furred wolf. The two men ran the town with an iron fist and a bite. Their wolf form only known by foes who never lived to tell the story.
They had tracked you down, knowing something was amiss when your scent was lighter at your apartment and you left without saying anything. The whole thing reeked of what they always feared. Someone using you to get to them.
‘Can you see her plate?’ Bucky says a snarl building up in his throat.
‘She hasn’t touched her food.’ Steve recounts, gazing back at you worriedly.
You know they are watching, always knowing that there was probably something they never told you but as if it was said unspoken. You stare at the gleaming blue eyes. They pace the forest restless.
Maybe you are imagining things, your Steve and Bucky could not be, no. You groan for a fifth time. Clutching your stomach, three days without food, you know what is coming.
The blonde woman returns,
“We know you shared your bed with them on multiple occasions, we just would like to know about their business.”
“I do not have the answers for your questions.” You hiss as another sting of pain burns through you.
“I can get you antibiotics for the infection, when did you meet them?” She attempts again.
‘Steve, we need to move in.’ Bucky calls out as he rounds the perimeter.
‘They’re still asking questions and offering medical aid in exchange.’ Steve glowers, he pauses as a car enters the driveway to the manor.
‘Fuckers, this is why we attack.’ Bucky presses his paws deeper into into the mud.
John Walker enters your cell twenty minutes after the blonde woman leaves, time a luxury they offered to you. So you know how long it has been since your men have not brought the sun and moon together to save you.
Nine days and counting.
“Ah, sweetheart, look at you. If you would have come along with me you would not be sick today.” John runs a hand down the back of your hair stopping you from flinching away. He tugs harshly.
“What no sound? They told me you were being quiet. Well but your best friend she, she is very chatty when drunk, spilled all about your little hook ups with Barnes and Rogers. What they even see in you I do not know. Although leaving you in pieces for them to find will be worth the fucking you receive.” His thumb brushes harshly across your mouth, your arms ache at the restraints.
“Then they’ll understand not to fucking mess up my deals and my work, consider yourself more worthy of a status than a fuck toy.”
John forces his thumb into your mouth, you bite down on it tasting blood. He screams pulling away, when he moves to bring down his hand against your cheek; you spit at him.
“You fucking whore.”
‘Steve.’ Bucky warns, not for himself but for the fact that he will not wait to act.
“I’m calling Nat and Sam for back up.” Steve shoots of the messages phasing back into his wolf form.
They charge at the guards on the west end, the doorway closest to get to you.
Phasing in and out to access the doors and take out John’s men.
The clouds clear illuminating your holding cell. You gaze up at the moon as she looks down upon you in blessing. John has you pinned down, his hands trying to pry your legs apart.
“Fuck you.” You spit at him, John looks up as you blink. Your eyes changing shape.
“The fuck?” John gapes, as you convulse the restraints breaking as you phase into your wolf form, towering over his now covering form.
You grin at him, teeth bared. He clambers on his hands and knees towards the door you sink your teeth into his limb dragging him backwards.
He drags his gun out of the holster, holding it up at your snout. You growl as he drops it down. Your paw sinks into his arm marring his flesh.
Ripping off his limbs as his pained screams echo through the cell.
Your wolf takes over, the primal darkness you kept suppressed with herbs and holistic remedies finally freed from shackles and it want to run wild.
The door bursts open two other wolves come snarling in, you pant dropping John’s head from your mouth it rolls down and settles near the dark chestnut wolf’s paw.
Bucky and Steve search for you as they stumble in, pausing when your scent hits them. They stare blankly at your wolf form.
You gape at them, backing away paces then you realise why are their scents so familiar.
They both phase out together,
“Petal.” “Poppet.”
You see their skin littered with pink jags and healing wounds, they came for you?
“You’re a wolf?” Bucky keeps his hands raised so as to not startle you. He understood you may have phased in after a long time.
“I think clearly she is, Bucky.” Steve rolls his eyes.
“i’m trying to be gentle.” He says, you then want to joke that nothing about him is gentle. A sort of snort leaves you indicating your laughter.
“I think she knows you aren’t gentle.” Steve interprets.
“We’ll lead you out, there is a cabin nearby, you may take time to calm down before you can phase out and we have our clothes there so the scents should be comfortable to tolerate.” Bucky comes closer and his hand gently touches your nose, you press lightly against it.
They phase back, flanking your sides, as they lead you to their cabin, rightly so their scents are amplified and the comfort brought forth by it, almost moves you to tears.
Steve enters first, his nose pushes the revolving glass door as it opens wide enough to accommodate wolves, the wooden flooring is warm to the touch and ceilings are high. As if they designed it specifically.
‘Look here if you can hear me.’ Bucky’s voice calls to you.
‘Bucky why do you have to check—,’
‘I can hear you both…’ You cut Steve off.
‘Interesting.’ Bucky says,
‘No shit, but when were we having this discussion? or was it benched due to ‘by flesh and flesh only’?’ You don’t mean to sound rude but you’ve had a pathetic nine days.
‘It, well…’ Steve looks at Bucky, his eyes widen.
‘Oh so now I should lead difficult conversations?’ Bucky glares at Steve and you catch on.
‘That night at the dinner? You were going to break up with me.’ You accuse, both of them look away.
‘It was because, look it had been ten months if it goes on beyond a year we could have turned you on accident. We were already making slip ups by over staying on full moons.’ Steve tries to reason.
‘You, you would not have wanted us had you known.’ Bucky says, padding towards you.
‘Bullshit.’ You bare your teeth at him.
‘Cute.’ Bucky pokes your ear with his nose.
‘Is that not for me to decide?’ You attempt again, ‘I know you both don’t have feelings for me but you could have trusted me with this.’ You look between them, a whine slips past Steve.
‘Don’t have feelings for you? Please Petal tell me you don’t believe that lie.’ Steve implores you to answer.
‘Fuck, Poppet are, you thought we don’t love you? Every waking hour is for you.’ Bucky moves closer you back away.
Steve tries the same and you shift back more touching the wall sideways.
‘Why tell me now? Is it because I am a wolf too. Nine days ago you were going to leave me. Without ever letting me know the truth, maybe you should follow through with that, not because staying is now convenient to the two of you.’ You settle onto the floor, not looking at the two towering wolves who are silent.
‘Why did you not say anything either?’ Steve questions, demanding to know the reason for your silence.
‘I wanted to, I was at that dinner it had been a year almost close enough, but then that blonde woman laced the iPad in front of me, you both were preoccupied and wearing the ties I got you both. So I thought well, what good is any of it, if the two of you are fucking around so I’m just a fuck toy to you right? You were going to discard me for the next one so I’m making your job easier.’ You glance at both of them, Bucky looks at you as if he’s been wounded by your words.
‘Poppet…’Bucky begs, ‘Please don’t, we can, we can think about this… Talk about this.’
‘I don’t want to, not anymore.’ You say, resting your head back onto your paws.
‘Alright then. We’ll check back up on you in a few hours, when you’re calm enough we can try phasing out.’ Steve moves away phasing into his human form and going up the stairs.
Bucky stays for moment before following suit.
You wake up panting, the feeling of unwanted hands on you pushing you into wakefulness. You gaze down, still in your wolf form.
The click of a door perks your ears as you follow the sound of footsteps on the upper floor.
“Nightmares, Steve, you know how horrible those are.” Bucky’s voice is muffled as though something dampening it.
“Talk softer.” Steve huffs, and their voices are further diluted.
You lay back down, hoping the next bout of sleep is dreamless.
When you wake up next, you’re laying upon soft sheets. You let out a contented sigh, then jolt awake.
“Welcome back to the human side of things, Poppet.” Bucky’s smooth voice washes over you calming your nerves.
At his words you touch your skin, your fur replaced by skin and bone.
“I am very upset with you, Poppet.” He adds, cutting an apple into thin slices. The black knife gleams in the light as he feeds himself the slice.
When he licks his pink lips, your tongue mimics the motion on your own.
“Why?” You look around for Steve, Bucky chuckles.
“Look at you pretending you don’t know why am I upset with you and here I thought, you know me like the back of your hand.” Bucky tuts, the knife cuts into the apple further, he gets up from the chair.
Bucky walks towards you, the slice supported between his thumb and knife. He places the slice against your lips. You lock eyes with him as you eat the slice, the blade feels cold against your lips.
He places the tip of the knife under your chin,
“Can smell your sweet cunt getting hungry for me, Poppet.”
“Bucky—,” He places the flat side of the blade to your lips.
“Shh. Did I allow you to speak? I think you spoke enough earlier.” The blade now trails from your temple to jaw and back to your chin.
The knife is retracted, now being used for its original purpose; the apple. You swallow thickly before eating the second slice offered to you.
He now sits next to you, a determined expression takes over his features.
The apple eaten and discarded.
You move the comforter to make more space for him. Your legs exposed and some how the shirt you were wearing smelled of both of them; cedar, patchouli, amber and oud.
Bucky places his warm hand on your thigh.
“Did you mean it?” He softly massages the flesh that has borne his marks award in pleasure.
“Wha-what?” You look up from where his hand is, his gaze darkens.
“You know, the part where you said you don’t want to be with us anymore.” Bucky continues upward movements, pleased when on instinct your legs part further for him as he inches closer to your cunt.
“I—,” The words caught in your throat when he traces your folds, gathering your slick, and then pinching your clit. You gasp, biting your lip.
“Did you mean it, Poppet?” Bucky questions again, you can’t focus on answering him not when his finger eases by one knuckle into your cunt.
“Bucky,” Your hand grasps his the other stays fisted with the sheet.
“Answer me. Did you mean those words you spat at us? At me?” Bucky takes your hand, you’re on your back both your hands in one of his, pinned down.
His fingers pumping in and out of you squelching sounds filling the room.
As his fingers brush over the spot as they curve inside you, you arch up against him.
“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” You chant as you feel the build of your orgasm. Your cunt clenching around his fingers every time he retracts them.
Bucky smirks, watching you, your eyes closed head thrown back and hips meeting each thrust of his fingers.
Just when you can feel the tendrils of your orgasm he stops, the squelch of his fingers leaving the warmth of your cunt have your eyes snap open.
“Just making your job easy.” He teases.
“Bucky please,” You beg.
“Oh Poppet you think I can leave that cunt without cumming?” He pinches your clit again, his jeans undone and cock leaking with pre-cum.
“Stand up, hands against the wall. Shirt off.” He orders, as you comply, he shifts your legs to not be apart, only a small distance.
Bucky stands behind you, easing his cock from between your thighs over your folds, the mirror on the wall showing you how your slick coats his cock.
You only seldom feel the veiny ridges move over your clit as he fucks your thighs. Hands gripping your waist and he watches your tits bounce with each thrust.
“Every inch of your skin, so fucking beautiful, so fuckable, clench your thighs for me, Poppet.” Bucky moans in response as your thighs tighten, your slick creating enough lubrication for him to continue his movements, Bucky’s arm comes down against your ass, a hard spank, you yelp, bending forward and the vein on his cock moves against your clit.
“Gonna cum for me? Gonna be a good little girl? Hmm? Want me to fuck every inch of you right? Look at you wanting to be filled to the hilt be split apart on my cock.” Bucky whispers in your ear.
On the next spank you feel the same ridge, your body complying as pleasure begins to course through you, his hands grab your breasts, tugging and pulling the flesh, watching as your face begins to contort into pleasure.
Bucky knows you won’t last long so he stops and you whimper at the loss of contact he turns you around. Your back against the wall. His hand circles around your throat.
Your eyes sting with tears, as he squeezes just enough.
“Making your job easy aren’t I? Just use your fucking fingers.” Bucky glowers, his cock tucked back into his boxers and he zips his jeans.
His chest gleams with sweat, you want to have your mouth on him. Worshipping him.
Bucky leaves closing the door before you can follow him out. You wait by the door for a few minutes, trying to open it but find that it is locked.
“Bucky? Why is the door locked?” You bang on the door.
“James? What is going on? Can we please talk?” You tug on the doorknobs, it only rattles in its frame.
The sudden coldness of the room gets to you, you scramble to find your shirt but return to stand near the door, trying to pry it open.
“Steve?” You call out, but are greeted with silence. You slide down your back against the door, the slick feels uncomfortable, you pull your knees to your chest.
Did you really hurt them that much? You were hurt as well, if you weren’t who you were nor if the kidnapping happened the dinner would have resulted in your heart being broken.
You rest your head on your knees, closing your eyes as a few tears brim over. They would have just left you, even if they held love for you.
After how long you don’t know, the door clicks open. You look up at the figure entering—Steve.
You stand up quickly wrapping your arms around him, he too was without a shirt and low waisted jeans graced his hips. Steve wraps his arms around you.
“Whats wrong, Petal?” Steve softly questions pulling away to look at you.
“Bucky, he,” you gaze at the door, finding it shut.
“What did he do, Petal?” Steve cups your cheeks,
“He said he’s upset with me, for saying what I did…” You trail off, fingers tugging on the white shirt’s sleeve nervously.
“Well that was upsetting.” Steve lets go of your face, sitting on the arm chair.
“You both were going to leave me.” You say,
“Things changed that night did they not?” Steve counter questions.
You fumble for an answer.
Steve pats his thigh, your limbs carry you to him, “What did Bucky do hmm?”
“He—,” “Ah, ah, show me.”
“But he used his—,” “Use me to show what he did to you.” Steve orders, you frown as his command washes over you.
You grab his hand, his index and middle fingers extended as you lead them to your eager cunt.
Steve taps your clit, “Is this what Bucky did?” You shake your head no.
“Pinched it—ah.” Your thighs shake as Steve pinches your clit, somehow repeating the movements Bucky did on you, you find yourself fucking onto his fingers.
Steve’s eyes darken. “Petal, don’t you want me to taste you?” He asks, you look at him,
“But Steve—,”
“Do you not want to apologise?” Steve chides.
You move back, thinking he wants to kneel.
“Oh no, gather it on your fingers and feed me. Till I tell you to stop.” Steve, watches your hand twitch.
You slowly bring your fingers over your folds, wincing at the puffiness from what Bucky did, the wetness that pooled you gather onto your fingers, bringing them toward’s Steve’s lips.
His warm mouth covers your fingers, sucking on them and his tongue almost mimicking the patterns he makes on your clit against your fingers, his mouth pulls away with a wet plop.
“More.”
Your clit pulses, you circle your clit and tug on your nipples to get yourself wetter, repeating the action from earlier.
Three times you’ve fed him your slick, Steve hums, then clicks his tongue, “I want more, make yourself cum and then feed me, will you Petal? You can do that right? Since you can make informed decisions.” Steves tone is slightly mocking, but the prospect of being able to orgasm too delicious to deny, you rest one hand on his shoulder, the other circles your clit and you sink two fingers inside of you, frustration clouds you.
Your fingers no where close to Steve of Bucky’s thick and long ones.
“Whats wrong Petal?” Steve looks up in concern.
“Doesn’t feel as good…” You admit.
“Do you want Bucky to come help?” Steve brushes his thumb just over your pubic bone watching your stomach clench at the contact.
“Will he?” You ask, wondering if he wanted anything to do with you.
“Why won’t you use your fingers?” You add.
Steve smiles, “I want to be fed, I’m tired, Petal.”
You bite your lip, “Where, where is Bucky?”
“I think if you call out to him, he’d come.”
“He ignored me earlier.” You huff.
“He was just upset, sweetheart.” Steve tells you as if your a child needing to be explained.
“Bucky?” You say, then move closer to the door,
“Petal, keep getting yourself wet.” Steve calls out an afterthought.
You place two fingers against your clit as your other hand opens the door.
“B-bucky?” Your voice shakes as your clit sends waves of ebbing pleasure through you.
“What?” He calls out from the door opposite to your room, his eyes paise on your hand.
“Steve he,” You bite down on your lip as you notices the tent in his jeans.
“I don’t have all night, Poppet.” Bucky rolls his eyes.
“He-he wants to be fed after I cum and, and my fingers—,”
“Don’t feel as good?” Bucky completes, uncrossing the arms across his chest, walking towards you, you moan as he grabs your pussy. Digits guiding yours on how to move.
He wants you back as the steps make you grind over the callous on his index finger.
Steve watches a smirk on his face, they find it so endearing how you fail to realise this is punishment for misbehaving and lying to them.
A cacophony of moans of their names begin to slip past your lips. Your orgasm builds.
Bucky looks at Steve, they both know they’ve edged you enough that you will cum, but they can’t have that.
“Stop, I’m not that hungry,” Steve’s words are like cold water to your fiery veins.
Bucky stops fucking you with his fingers, holding them up for you.
You have a whine caught in your throat.
“Can’t have any of this wasted right?” Bucky chides, “Go on Poppet feed him.”
You whimper as he pushes you forwards.
Steve places a steady hand on your hips, as he waits for you to do what you’re told; he spreads his large hand over your hip, trailing it upwards, over the soft flesh of your stomach, moving upwards then cupping your breast, Bucky does the same to your left.
“I’m waiting, Petal.” Steve reminds you, breaking out of the heady trance they have you in, you rub your fingers over your folds, a needy whimper reaches the pleased ears of Steve and Bucky.
You offer your fingers to Steve, he hums before sucking on each digit and swirling his tongue around them.
He releases your fingers and they release your breasts in tandem. Standing up, walking towards the door leaving you in the room.
You follow them quicker than previous attempts.
“Why are you—,”
“No, Petal, why are you saying no? Over a conversation that could have gone so many different ways?” Steve cuts you off.
“She was making our job easier.” Bucky sneers.
“You both were going to anyways, and those videos and pictures…” You recount.
“Were old, Poppet, we haven’t been with anyone other than you. We don’t want to either.” Bucky cups your cheek.
“But you want to leave us… So maybe you should.” Steve shrugs nonchalantly.
Bucky drops his hand,
“Too bad we couldn’t give you what you want, maybe someone else will. You know best correct?”
Your clit pulses, you know no one will compare to the two of them, no two people could hold a semblance to their beings.
But they were right, if you wanted to leave you should.
Maybe they don’t want to fight harder to have you stay… you nod meekly.
“I’ll leave then…” You mutter.
“Fucks sake.” Bucky mutters as Steve, has you pinned down on the bed.
“Know what Petal,” Steve undoes his jeans, his cock slapping against his abdomen, and lining up with your aching cunt,
“I really do not think you know what is best for you.” He moves his cock over your folds.
“Steve,” You whine, needing more.
“Oh you want my cock? Well, only good girls who want to stay will get it.” His eyes are wild, your breath caught in your throat, he adds more pressure to the grip he hands on your hands.
You gasp, as his tip teases your entrance.
“Steve, please,” You beg, needy, tears brim over at how badly you need them.
“What do you want?” He questions, repeating his teasing movements.
Bucky stands at the edge of the bed, you stare at his cock, lips parting for it.
“Answer him, Poppet, or have you forgotten the manners we taught you?” A sting resounds in the room and pleasured pain courses through you from where Bucky slapped your puffy, aching cunt.
“Would you look at that? She wants us Bucky.”
“She will have to say it though, has to vocalise what she wants and needs.” Bucky grasps your jaw, “The question is will she?”
You stare into Bucky’s eyes, he delivers another slap to your pussy, you clench around Steve’s tip. A moan slips past your lips, you can’t think, can’t speak just need them, why could they not see that?
“Answer us, Poppet, or we can leave again.” He warns.
“Want, want you both, together.” You gasp the words out as Steve bottoms out inside you, hissing as he feels you tight around him.
“Fuck,” He breathes.
“Together Steve,” Bucky reminds, pulling you up as you and Steve kneel on the bed, with him curving inside you the tip of him pushing ever so often over your gspot.
Bucky moves behind you, kneeling as well, his fingers inserted next to Steve’s cock prepping you to take them both. You can’t help the sob of pleasure that breaks from you as Bucky begins to enter you as well, the stretch burns but feels so good.
“Oh, you can take us can’t you, Petal?” Steve’s words have you preen, “Our good girl aren’t you?”
“Feel at her clench, really, our girl, only ours.” Bucky whispers over the shell of your ear.
You moan at their words, they pause allowing you time to adjust to both of them, but you don’t have it in you to be patient, you need them to fuck you, claim you.
You begin to move over their cocks, the amount of wetness helping you. Bucky and Steve glance at each other, moaning as you feel so good around their cocks, using them for your pleasure.
Both men let you set the pace, then one hand each grasps your waist. They both begin to move in tandem, filling you up then moving outward. Moans and whimpers slip out of you, Steve swallows them all down against his lips, Bucky’s lips leave bites and marks over your shoulder and neck.
You begin to meet them with each thrust, knowing all of you are close.
“Fill me up, please, mark, mark and cl-claim,” You gasp as they both some how coordinate their thrusts to keep hitting the spot that has you seeing stars and the waves of pleasure begin to climb across you, waiting to meet the brink to tip you over.
“Going to mark you and keep you as ours, Poppet.” Bucky grunts.
“You belong to us.”
“Bound to us.”
Your orgasm drawing close.
“You’re going to cum for us and take our seed, milk our cocks and stay filled.”
You fall apart at their words, pleasure coursing through you, head to toe and you cum with a silent cry. You feel their cum coating your spasming walls, their movements now sloppier as they ride out their orgasms.
“Because you’re bound to us, little wolf, flesh and flesh only.” Steves voice echos over the ringing in your ears.
“And that heart of yours?” Bucky’s chuckle resounds,
“That flesh belongs to us as well.”
-x-x-x-
A.N: images in the banner are taken from pintrest all credits are to the makers of the edits and image owners.
Summary:this is my entry for @pellucid-constellations ’s #loveletterswritingchallenge i sincerely enjoyed writing this, it was so much of fun to come up with a story that left me all fuzzy and happy.
Pairing:bestfriend!bucky x plus size female!reader (set in an AU)
Warnings: fluff, angst, recount of bullying comments experienced by the reader, mentions of fatphobic comments, fluff, mentions of anxiety attacks, swearing, mutual pining, no smut, sam and natasha have the braincell in the two friendships. please note if any of this triggers you please do not read. you are responsible for the media you consume.
A.N: this is my first time writing a plus sized reader, being plus sized i’ve always wanted to explore writing for a reader who looks like me, i hope i’ve done well, if not i will strive to improve my writing so please be kind, thank you. that being said, i am immensely proud of what i have written.
i will share my new crayons if you share your sparkle pens.
-bucky’
‘dear bucky,
i want the blue crayon, you pick a sparkle colour, i will share it with you
-y/n’
‘dear sparkle,
i want the purple sparkle, because its your favourite, i wanna be your favourite too.
-bucky’
‘dear bucky,
you are my favourite.
and you can have the purple sparkle.
-sparkle’
‘dear sparkle,
i think we are going to be best friends.
-bucky’
‘dear bucky,
i think so too.
-sparkle’
Fifteen.
“what do you mean you are moving away?” You ask, confusion laces through your features.
“It means I have to go to a new city, my dad got a new job, they gave him a fancy house. Sparkle I don’t want to move.” Bucky is looking sullen, his blue eyes hold a sadness that is slowly seeping into his heart with every minute that passes.
It is slowly sinking in what is going to happen, he has go leave everything here, his childhood home, the mini play house at the backyard, this swing set you both have been sitting on since time began, and you.
Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.
Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader
Note;this is 10,000 words long! Hope you like it!
Warnings; Reader experiences self-consciousness in changing room, talks about self in a negative light, Reader has what resembles a panic attack, mentions of anxiety/stress, angst, swearing
The next morning, Natasha woke you up with coffee at around 10am. “Oh, it’s late,” you realised as you sipped at the coffee as she perched on the edge of your bed. Usually you’d be awake earlier than this but today was different.
“Yeah, I thought I’d let you sleep since you’ve had an emotional couple of days,” Nat said with a shrug, “Plus I heard you having a late night phone call…” She eyed you curiously. You didn’t know why you think you hide these things from her, she was Natasha bloody Romanoff; of course she would find out! She nudged your knee with her elbow, “Who was it?”
“Who do you think it was?”
“Bucky?”
“Steve.”
Her eyebrows rose. She really hadn’t been expecting that answer, “Go on.” You relayed the conversation from last night back to Natasha. If her eyebrows could be raised more, they’d be hitting the ceiling by now, “He wants you to talk to Bucky?!”
“That was my reaction!”
“Wow, he’s either really confident in your relationship or really fucking stupid… Are you gonna call Barnes?”
After thinking about it last night, you decided that you were going to give yourself some breathing room for a couple of days, just to process everything and to breathe. The last four weeks had been extremely intense and my god, all you wanted was to pretend things were normal again, at least for a few hours, “Not right away,” you shook your head, “I just need some time to breathe, Nat, you know?”
Nat knew how overwhelming this situation had been for you and she knew exactly what would help. She grinned behind her mug and you immediately knew that she had a plan, “Finish your coffee and then put a cute outfit on. We’re going shopping.”
“Fury told me to keep a low profile,” you said with a shake of your head.
She rolled her eyes, “So? I’m not scared of him. Hurry up.” She scampered off, probably to get dressed. Honestly a shopping trip with Nat sounded exactly like what you needed right now. Some retail therapy with your best friend sounded perfect so you did exactly as she told you to, you finished your coffee and put on a cute outfit.
Getting past what seemed like a million SHIELD agents was difficult, they asked so many questions and tried to keep sending an agent with you but with Natasha there to bullshit some excuse and to put them in their place, you were granted permission to leave your apartment complex. The fresh air on your face as you left the building gave you new life, it twirled into your hair and breathed cold in your lungs. You ignored Nat’s comment of ‘jeez, it’s like you’ve never been outside before’. It just felt good to be out, to not be reminded of Steve or Bucky every two seconds.
Nat let you pick the music and of course, of course, you had to put on some cheesy songs. The redhead couldn’t help but laugh as the Backstreet Boy’s ‘Everybody’ boomed through the speakers of her car, “Everybody, yeah, rock your body, yeah!” The two of you sang loudly without a care in the world. There’s something special in moments like this; being free with people you love, being free with your favourite people in the world. The two of you sang the whole way to the mall, singing loud and completely out of tune but laughing all the while. You’d probably always remember this moment, as you glanced over at her as she hit a high note, relishing in the way she smiled and the way she laughed. She was incredible.
“Nat,” you said turning the music down all of a sudden as she pulled into a parking space, “Thank you.” You couldn’t really find the words you wanted to say. You’d wanted to tell her so much, express so much gratitude towards her but all you could manage were those two words.
Nat knew. It was the same two words uttered in that very same tone when she thanked Clint for helping her out instead of killing her; it was the words of someone who was stuck being pulled out and helped along by a friend. She smiled, “You can thank me by buying me breakfast.”
The mall was pretty quiet which you appreciated, you couldn’t have coped had it been busy, you preferred it quiet. You let Nat lead you into a shop and immediately, you were just ambushed with colour, “Holy shit,” you whispered. Nat looked at you curiously, “I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that I forgot about colours,” you beamed, “They’re so bright and colourful!” You ran your hand over a rack of brightly coloured t-shirts, “I can’t even tell you what half of these colours even are!”
Natasha laughed at how excited you were getting. She could see you falling back into yourself; turning back into the old you, you from four weeks ago, “Colours are pretty incredible, aren’t they? Now you don’t have to message everyone asking if an outfit goes together!”
You couldn’t help but laugh as you pulled things off the racks and into your arms, “I feel one million times better already.” Nat smiled, “What’s your favourite colour?”
Natasha thought for a moment before answering, “This colour,” she said, pulling out a deep red dress, “Red.” You asked why, “I feel like I love it and hate it. It’s the colour of blood, reminding me of the people I killed, it’s also the colour of love; it reminds me of my mistakes and my weaknesses but reminds me of my heart and my kindness… Also it helps that red looks fucking great on me.”
“True.”
“What’s yours?”
“I like red too,” you said as your hands fell on a long sleeved blue t-shirt that resembled the first colour you saw, “but blue is my favourite.” Deepblue.Bucky’s blue. You didn’t tell her that though, you just left it at ‘blue’.
Nat picked out a couple of items for you, things that you didn’t think would be that flattering on you, but all she had to do was smile at you and you’d cave to her demands. She’d picked out a brown leather skirt for you that clung to your curves and a slightly oversized cardigan to wear with it. You stood in the changing room staring into the mirror, hands on your stomach trying to pull the fat up and out the way, trying to morph your appearance to look like the models… No use. You had a stomach which hung over and protruded. You sighed heavily. Being plus size was something you’d come to terms with, you liked it and you liked your body but there was something about standing in a changing room after thinking an outfit would look different on you and you try it on and you notice your bumps, lumps and rolls and you just feel… disappointed? In your childhood years of growing up plus size and thinking something would fit you different would usually end up with you crying in the changing rooms, something that you refused to do today but it didn’t mean you felt confident in everything you wore. You felt bad for feeling badly about yourself but insecurities crept up on you like that. You liked the outfit that Nat picked but you just wished that you liked it on you.
“You’ve been in there for ages, show me,” Nat said from the other side of the door, breaking you out of your thoughts.
“I…” you faltered, “I’m not going to get this one.”
She could tell that there was a twinge of something different in your voice, “There’s no one else out here, just me and you,” she said quietly, “I bet it’s not even half bad. Show me and maybe we can workshop it.”
Knowing that she wouldn’t give up until you showed her, you opened the changing room door. Nat grinned, “You look amazing!” She saw you roll your eyes and frowned, “I’m being serious. Look at the way it hugs your hips highlighting your waist looking like an hourglass up in here!” You turned back around to look in the mirror when she gasped, “And your ass! Perfection.”
“I hate the way it shows off my stomach,” you frowned, taking a deep breath in and sucking your stomach in, “Just… doesn’t look nice. It’s hard because I try so hard to be kind to myself and to love myself but sometimes… sometimes I just wished I looked like you.” It was true. Self-love was a journey that you’d be on for the rest of your life. There would be times you’d be content with your appearance and other times where you wouldn’t be. It was hard to say the least.
The redhead’s frown deepened, “You know, I have things that I don’t really like about myself all the time too.” Her voice was quieter and you could just tell that was being open and honest, “I used to really hate my scars, sometimes I still do. The shiny smooth ones are fine but some scars are fucking ugly, they stick out and they’re still pink even after years. Sometimes I’m like ‘fuck yeah these tell a story’ and other time I disgust myself… We’re constant works in progress and that’s okay.” You took a few seconds to soak in her words, “Just know that I think you look fucking incredible in this outfit and I know that a certain two other people would absolutely agree with me if they were here.” Would they? You thought to yourself as you looked in the mirror again. She was right, your ass looked great it in and the way it hugged your hips and waist looked great… “Why don’t you get it and try being kinder to yourself? If you really hate it in a week then you can take it back.”
“Okay,” you said with a nod, “I’ll take it and I’ll work on being a bit kinder to myself.” You weren’t 100% in love with it but stepping out of your comfort zone was the only way that you might gain some more confidence.
Nat grinned, pulling you in for a half hug, “You look amazing, you deserve to feel that way… Let’s go check out and then you can buy me breakfast because I am starving.”
Two days had passed since your shopping trip with Nat which meant it was four days since Steve had left your shared apartment. Not much had happened really. You’d been working on self-love and you kept the skirt even though you still weren’t absolutely sure yet. Steve had messaged you yesterday to check on you, the conversation was short and sweet pretty much checking in and that was it. You didn’t need more like the first night, you had accepted the ending of things and had accepted that you both needed some space. For now, that was okay. Having Natasha stay made a huge difference and you truly didn’t think you would’ve gotten through the last few days without her. Natasha had stayed for the last two nights, offering sarcastic advice, hugs and some crappy chick flicks.
You’d been sitting eating breakfast when she got a phone call from Fury to ask for her help on a mission that started immediately. She’d be on the mission with her two favourite guys (as she put it) and she was pretty happy about that, you’d smiled when you saw her face light up. “I love seeing you happy,” you told her as she grabbed her bag to pack it.
She smiled at you but after a second it turned sad, “I miss seeing you happy.”
“Right now,” you said, taking a long sip of coffee, “I’m happy. I have you, coffee and blankets. What more could I possibly need?” Humour could only mask your true feelings for a short breath of laughter before Nat grew serious.
“Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to call Steve or someone?” She frowned, wrinkling her forehead with worry lines.
You swatted the air with your hand, “Stop worrying about me. I’m going to have a day of self-care and I think… I think I might call Bucky.”
She blinked, “There’s a development.”
With a shrug, you said, “I can’t stop thinking about what Steve said. He told me it would be good to call Bucky, to clear the air and to talk about everything.”
“If you do, let me know how it goes.”
“You’ll be the first one to hear about it,” you laughed as she finished packing her things, “I hope your mission goes okay, you better text me in a couple days to let me know you’re all safe.”
“I will, I promise.” Nat wrapped you in a tight hug, unusual for her to be so affectionate but with you it was different, “Whatever happens, I support you and your decisions.” She pulled back, smiling, “I better hear all the details of this phone call and if it leads to anything else…” She waggled her eyebrows with a laugh making you roll your eyes.
“Get outta here, Romanoff. Go make out with your man instead.”
“Oh, my pleasure.” She turned before she left, “If you go out with Barnes, wear that skirt. Trust me.”
You spent the rest of the morning doing what you’d said you’d do (aka self-care) and trying not to think about the other thing you said you’d do (aka calling Bucky). You had showered, washed your hair, done a face mask, dried your hair and even cleaned the kitchen top to bottom. All of this was to avoid calling a certain dark haired super solider. You’d been forcing him out of your thoughts all morning, feeling a pit of guilt in your stomach. You knew that Steve wanted you to do this, you knew that you wanted to do this but still it made you feel terrible.
With a sigh, you decided that it was now or never. You wanted to fix things with Steve so you were going to call Bucky and prove to yourself that there was nothing there, that you wanted Steve more. Once you’d done that, life could return to how it used to be when you lived a life without colour. Tapping your foot nervously, you scrolled through your contacts and pressed on ‘Bucky’, hesitating to lift it to your ear. As it rang, you held your breath, anxiously waiting.
He picked up on the second ring, “(y/n)?” Without even meaning to you visibly relaxed upon hearing his voice, “I didn’t think I’d be hearing from you again.” He couldn’t contain his surprise. After the hospital, he really genuinely believed that he wouldn’t see or hear from you again. Steve had reached out again to apologise and to check up but Bucky didn’t think you’d be calling him. Bucky was used to people just shutting him down so he thought that’s what you were doing and he had made peace with it. So when he saw your name pop up on his phone, he was rather taken back.
“Bucky…” You didn’t know what to say. To be honest, you hadn’t planned out what you were going to say. All you knew was that you were going to phone him but you had no idea what you were actually going to say.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah… no…” You rubbed your hand against your face in anguish, almost wishing you hadn’t called him.
“Which one is it?” He teased.
You squeezed your eyes shut as you told him, “I ended things with Steve.” He had to know, this was the whole point of this. You had to get to tell Bucky and get to know him more, get your head sorted out.
“Oh.” There was a long pause before he spoke again, you waited with bated breath, “How… How are you?”
“Confused,” you said with a frown, “Really fucking confused.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, (y/n).” He meant it. He really was sorry to hear that you and Steve had broken up. He couldn’t imagine that It would be a particularly nice feeling to go through so he felt for the two of you, “Can I ask what happened?”
“Can you come break me out of Fort Knox and I’ll tell you over a cup of coffee?” What am I doing?! Did I just ask Bucky Barnes to take me on a coffee date?! Your heart hammered in your chest as you waited for his response.
Bucky gave a breath of surprised laughter, “I, uh, sure. Yeah, my pleasure. I’ll be there shortly, okay?”
“Yeah, thanks Buck.” You hung up, smiling despite yourself, “Oh fuck!” You realised, almost dropping your phone, “What do I wear?!”
Rushing to the bedroom to dig through your closet, you tried to ignore the bubble of nerves that was forming in your stomach. This needed to happen; it was the only way forwards so you’d need to get through the uncomfortableness and just talk to the man. Those three weeks with him, you became something more than strangers and that meant something to you so you knew that you could open up and be honest with Bucky. If he didn’t reciprocate or if you didn’t feel it then that would be settled and you could move on. If he did reciprocate and you felt more for him then… you’d cross that bridge if you had to but right now, you focused on just getting through the day. You remembered what Natasha had said and you looked to your bed where the skirt and oversized cardigan were. Closing your eyes, you mentally gave yourself a talking to before putting the skirt and cardigan on. When you looked in the mirror, a part of you wanted to immediately take it off but after having a rather lovely few days with your best friend, you decided to listen to her and ignore yourself. You would wear the skirt and the cardigan and that would be that. You’d put some tights and boots on with it, a jacket and that would be the outfit complete. Natasha had assured you that Bucky (and Steve) would love this outfit, you were interested to see if he did love it as much as she predicted. You’d styled your hair earlier but gave it one last brush through to make sure it was okay and it was then you realised that you weren’t just nervous to see and tell Bucky what you needed to tell him… No, you were nervous for him to see you, for him to tell you his side of things… You were nervous about what he was going to say and how he was going to react.
Before you could really get anxious about what was going to happen, you heard a knock but it wasn’t from your front door. Peering out of your bedroom, you realised that it was coming from the living room window where you could see a metal arm knocking at your window with Bucky crouching and looking in. “Unbelievable,” you whispered as you laughed and shook your head. You rushed over to the window, laughing as you pulled it upwards, “What the hell?”
“You wanted me to rescue you from Fort Knox, aka your apartment complex, and I gotta tell you, I don’t feel like a million agents questioning where we’re going and what we’re gonna do,” Bucky said with a shrug, “so I climbed up your fire escape.”
“You realise that there’s no way I’m getting down there. The bottom floor’s ladder’s been broke for months and it’s a story drop down. No way. We’ll go through the agents.”
Bucky rolled his eyes, “You forgetting that I’m a super solider?”
“So?”
“Soit means I can jump and land without any injury. I’ll carry you, c’mon.” He stuck his arms through the window but you leapt backwards.
“No way!” You swatted his hands away, “Barnes, most people pretend to not notice when I mention it but I’m heavier than your average woman in New York City. I’m not tiny and light, I’m fat and heavy. I’ll go through the agents, you can jump.”
Bucky had to admit, the way you were and how you acted was a breath of fresh air. He stifled a laugh, “I don’t give a damn about your weight, (y/n),” he said, raising an eyebrow, “Finest woman in all of New York. Now will you just let me carry you down? I have super strength but even without it I’d still be able to carry you. Have you seen my muscles?” He flexed though through his leather jacket you couldn’t see his muscles but you could see the bulge in the material. God forgive me.
You were a little taken aback by not only his bantering but what he said about you. Finest woman in all of New York. Was he flirting with you? Didn’t matter if he was because you were notabout to be lifted by him, no way. Bucky frowned, seeing something behind your eyes change, “(y/n)?”
“I… I hate when people lift me. Always makes me terrified they’ll comment on my weight.” Your mind flashed back to when you were younger with a boy you fancied the hell out of and he’d went to give you a piggyback ride when he started making all sorts of comments about how heavy you were and how much you weighed and telling you to go on a diet. It hurt you more than you expected it too and even now, totally comfortable with your size and happy with yourself; it still affected you. When you’re a kid, those things stick and you weren’t sure if they’d ever become unstuck.
Bucky’s face softened, “You can go that way if you want but I promise you, I’m not going to drop you. I promise I can take your weight, it’s nothing to me, I assure you. I promise I also won’t comment on your weight or anything like that. We’ll jump down, I’ll let you go and I’ll drive us some place.” After a moment’s consideration, you nodded, “Yeah?” Bucky asked, a smile slowly forming on his lips, “You trust me?” Again, you nodded.
Carefully, he helped you climb out of the window and cleared his throat as you stood in front of him, “How do you want to do this? Piggyback or..?” He reached his arms out, suggesting that he just pick you up. You shrugged and Bucky took this as a sign to just go for it. In one swift, smooth motion, he’d crouched, put his hand under your knees and the other on your back and easily swept you off of your feet.
Shocked, you let out a string of curse words, grabbing onto him tightly and hiding your face in his chest, “You need to warn me first!” You exclaimed, voice muffled by his chest.
Bucky laughed, shaking your head against him, “That was much more fun. Let’s go.” You held on tight and Bucky gave you one last gentle reminder, “I’ve got you, you’re okay.” You appreciated that he had been so gentle with you, easing you into it but not forceful in the slightest. You were also impressed with how easily he could pick you up. You took a long breath, secretly enjoying the smell of his cologne and the feeling of his toned chest pressed against your face. You’d almost forgotten about what was about to happen until you felt the wind flying through your hair and your stomach dropped at the sensation of you falling. Without realising, you let out a high pitched yelp, gripping onto him tighter and within a second, you felt the impact of him landing on solid ground.
“See?” He said, “Not so bad!”
Slowly, you released your grip on his shoulder, looking up at him and shaking your head, “Never again.” He had to admit, he enjoyed holding you like this. He enjoyed the closeness of the two of you, enjoyed the way you hid in his chest, the way as he jumped he got a whiff of your perfume, hints of fruits and florals was a smell that almost intoxicated him. The way you looked up at him was something that made him smile.
You realised that the pair of you were just staring up at each other not saying anything and not doing anything. You cleared your throat, feeling your cheeks burn in embarrassment, and Bucky nodded curtly before bending and putting you back on your feet. “Over here,” he said gruffly as he led you to his car.
It was awkward as he drove. As you glanced over at him you couldn’t help but be taken back to around four weeks ago when he was taking you away from your picture perfect life and driving into the unknown. So much had changed in that short space of time. Your hands fidgeted with the sleeves of your cardigan, Bucky noticed and shifted in his seat, “Anywhere you wanna go in particular?” He asked after a few minutes, “Or do you just want me to pick?”
“Wherever,” you said with a small smile, “you pick.”
Once again silence fell. Closing your eyes, you leant your head against the headrest and just let yourself get lost in your thoughts for a bit. Your thoughts kept bouncing back to the words he’d said, ‘Finest woman in all of New York’, you wondered if he meant it. Bucky glanced over at you and he instantly knew that you were deep in thought. Bucky observed a lot more than he said usually. He knew that you were thinking by the way your brow furrowed and you gnawed at your bottom lip, a habit he saw you do when living in the safe house. He turned his attention back onto the road.
“Did you mean it?” You blurted out, catching him by surprise, “What you said?”
“Uh, what did I say? Jog an old man’s memory.”
“When I was talking about my weight and you said, ‘finest woman in all of New York’, was that about me? Did you mean that?”
It took everything in Bucky to hide his smile and to focus on staring ahead at the road. Inside, he was throwing a party in his head. Something he’d said stuck with you, it struck a chord with you, it had you thinkingabouthim. Bucky loved to know that you were stuck in thought, mulling over his words from ten minutes ago. He loved that you were thinking about him. He’d stopped denying his feelings for you to himself, there was no point in hiding them anyway since the whole world could practically tell just by looking at him when he was near you. He knew that what he felt for you ran deep and true. He wasn’t sure if you had feelings for him but hearing you ask him if a compliment he paid you ten minutes prior was truthful, it sparked some hope in Bucky’s heart that maybe you thought about him just as much as he thought about you.
He nodded, glancing over at you to find that you looked absolutely mortified as you waited for his answer. You were scared of what he would say, if he didn’t mean it then you’d feel like an absolute idiot for doing this, “Yeah,” he said, eyes scanning over you as his tongue darted out of his mouth to lick his lower lip, “and I meant it. Hell, I’d go so far to say you’re the finest woman in the world.” He turned back to the road but his attention was on you. He watched you from the corner of his eye, watched as your jaw dropped open, watched as your cheeks tinged pink and the way your eyes widened. Hope had never burned like this inside of him.
“Okay,” you murmured quietly, “good.”
He wasn’t finished, “And don’t get me started on your outfit,” he said with a slight chuckle, “It suits you so well, hugs you in all the right places… You look gorgeous, doll.”
Fuck.Fuck.
You couldn’t hide the smile that tugged your lips upwards and you could barely control your racing heart. Bucky could practically feel the heat radiating from your cheeks, he smiled, “I… Thank you,” you said quietly, unsure of what to say or how to react; all you could do was smile like a lovesick schoolgirl.
Once again, silence encapsulated the two of you but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable, it’s pleasant which is a weird change of pace but not a bad change. It’s not long before Bucky’s parking the car and you both climb out. You know that you’re downtown but you’re not exactly sure where you are. As you get of the car, Bucky appears in front of you, “We can grab some coffee and walk around?” He suggests, “I know some nice places we can walk through.”
Bucky leads you through the car park and after a few minutes of walking, you come across a street vendor, “Ah! Bucky!” The vendor, a middle aged Italian man, grins, clapping Bucky on the shoulder, “Usual?”
“Make it two, Antonio, thanks.” Bucky turns to you, “Best coffee in New York City right here.”
“Who is this?” The man called ‘Antonio’ asks with a knowing smile as he prepares the coffee.
Bucky rolls his eyes, “This is my friend. (y/n).”
“Friend, hm,” Antonio smirks, “Pleasure to meet you, (y/n).”
“You too,” you say with a small smile, feeling a little awkward.
It doesn’t take long before Antonio is handing you and Bucky a coffee, “Try it,” he encourages. Bucky laughs at him, murmuring an apology for his intense Italian coffee vendor friend.
You take a sip and immediately take another, “This is so good!” You gape, “It’s so rich and creamy and I need more.” You take another long drag.
Antonio smiles, satisfied with your answer, “She’s a keeper, Bucky,” he teases, “See? I have the best coffee in New York. You’re always welcome to come back for more! This man does.” He gestures to Bucky who hands him ten bucks and tells him to keep the change, “Don’t be strangers!”
“This really is so good,” you say as you and Bucky walk away from the vendor, “How’d you find out about it?”
Bucky takes a sip of his coffee before answering, “I asked him for directions and he enticed me with his world class coffee. I go there most days to get more coffee from him actually.” You walk together and your hyper aware that your elbow keeps bumping into his. Even though the two of you have jackets on, knowing that no skin is touching, it sends your mind and heart into a frenzy. Holy shit, what is going on with me?! Calm down, (y/n)! Bucky notices it too. He notices that your elbows keep bumping with every four to six steps, he even counted the steps. He breathes deeply through his nose knowing that he’s doomed; he’s too far gone and he knows it. All he can do is hope that you’re right there with him.
“Back in the 30s this was just a flat bit of land,” he says after a few minutes gesturing over to an area which is now home to skyscrapers, “The fair used to come to town every summer. I remember going on the Ferris Wheel with Steve,” the mention of his name doesn’t send a zap of guilt through you, it’s nice actually, nice to know that you can mention him. It’s not like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, it’s comfortable knowing you can talk about your now ex-boyfriend without it being too weird, “he was so skinny I thought he was gonna just slip right out from under the metal bar. He was having a great time.”
“But you weren’t?”
He grimaced, “Was sick as soon as I got off it. I dunno, heights have never been my thing.” He pushes the memories of falling off of the train away, he doesn’t need to talk about that today. He’s alive and he’s here with you not in an awful memory.
“Must be pretty weird seeing the city change so much, remembering how it was to looking at how it is now.” You’d had a similar conversation with Steve about a week into your relationship. Steve missed how it was, he always did.
“Eh, it’s not so bad anymore,” he shrugged, “It’s a reminder to me that change is necessary.” Steve spoke about the past like it was an old friend. Bucky spoke about the past like it was a stranger, like it was something he was trying to outrun, “I don’t like to dwell on the past too much, only the good stuff.” You completely understand. From what you’ve heard from Steve about Bucky’s Winter Solider days, it sounded completely horrific and you understood completely why he’d want to run from the past. He was always trying to outrun his past in a society that constantly reminded him of his past.
It’s not long before the two of you walk through a public park and find a bench to sit on. It reminds you of a couple of weeks ago, sitting on the bench at the duck pond. Bucky thinks the same, “A lot’s happened in four weeks, huh?” He asks quietly.
You scoff, “You can say that again.” You pause before continuing, “I wouldn’t say it’s all been bad though. I mean getting kidnapped and having to move to a different country with a stranger and then having to nearly kill a guy was pretty rough…” The two of you let out a quiet laugh over your shared trauma, “but yeah…” your knees graze against each other’s, “it wasn’t all bad.”
Bucky’s eyes are staring at you so intensely and you feel your breath catching in your throat. There’s your secret favourite colour, the first colour you ever saw, Bucky Barnes’s eyes. You want to kiss him, you want him to kiss you but not here. He wants to kiss you, god the pull is so fucking strong and he doesn’t know if he can restrain himself this time. That is until you announce, “I want to go.” What the fuck, (y/n)? Your announcement shocks the pair of you. You close your eyes and shake your head as Bucky immediately recoils, peeling away from you, “I-I… I need to talk to you but not here.” You look around and then back to him, “I want to keep hanging out though I didn’t mean that-”
He cuts over your nervous rambling, “Where do you want to go? Back to your apartment?”
Quickly, you shake your head, “No, it’s…” Full of memories with Steve, “got a million SHIELD agents surrounding it and I’d rather not.” Half-truth, “Can we go to yours?”
Bucky feels a bubble of what feels like nervousness build in his stomach but he’s always been good at repressing shit so he pushes it down, stamps on it mentally until he can’t feel it anymore. He nods, “Sure, let’s go.” He’s colder, not icy but just a little colder. You’d offended him, you realise, as you walk back to his car, dumping your empty coffee cup in a trash can. Well, shit.
The drive to his apartment is silent and you’re mentally scolding yourself for how you’d reacted. You’d panicked and it was the first thing out of your mouth, it came out before you could think about it. You hoped that you could explain yourself back at Bucky’s apartment. Bucky’s not mad at you, hell he’s not even offended, but that bubble of nerves that he tried to stamp away is back and it’s bigger and it’s growing.
Truth is that Bucky’s terrified. No one, not even Steve, had been inside Bucky’s apartment. When Steve came over the other day, Bucky kept him at the front door before moving to the bar across the street. No one had been in Bucky’s apartment and it terrified him that you were about to see it. Showing you his apartment made Bucky feel vulnerable, made him feel weak and he didn’t like that. He wasn’t used to feeling vulnerable, it was an unnatural feeling that he hadn’t felt in decades… Though, he realises, if he was going to feel vulnerable with anyone it would be with you.
The drive back doesn’t take long and before you know it, he’s pulled into the apartment carpark. Quietly, you take a long breath, trying to calm down your racing heartbeat. You’re only going to his apartment to tell him why you and Steve broke up, it’s not like anything is going to happen… You’re nervous but you’re hopeful that once you’re in Bucky’s apartment your nerves will die down.
Neither of you speak as you leave the car and head into the apartment complex. He leads you to the elevator and your foot taps impatiently as you ride up to his apartment floor (he lives on the fifth floor you learn). Bucky’s too busy dealing with his own nerves to realise that you’re shit scared as well. The elevator dings and the doors slide open and Bucky takes a breath, “Let’s go.” It’s the first two words uttered in twenty minutes and you barely notice.
You follow him along the hallway until he stops outside of a door with the number 532 on it. He takes his keys out of his pockets and unlocks the door. He opens it and holds it open for you to go in first. Once you’re in, he shuts the door behind you, twisting the lock, and flicks on the light switch. His shoulders are tense as he looks to you for your reaction.
Bucky’s apartment is… bare. His kitchen is at the front and beyond that is his living room which has a small sofa, one dining chair and a small side table – you take a few steps into the living room, eyes falling to one item in particular, “You kept the blanket.” Your voice is a mere whisper. On the floor to the left of the couch is a makeshift bed much like the one you’d seen Bucky sleep in during your time in Estonia. You glance at him, almost teary eyed, “You kept the blanket,” you repeat, voice a little louder so that he can hear you.
He frowns, crinkling his forehead, as he tries to figure out your reaction and how you feel. You’re in awe, staring at him in complete awe and he’s not used to it; he’s never had someone look at him like that, “Yeah,” he nods, voice quiet, “It reminds me of you. Helps bring me back down after a nightmare.” The atmosphere shifts.
Oh, Bucky.
You didn’t say anything, you didn’t really know how to respond so instead you sat on the couch. Bucky shrugged off his leather jacket exposing his arms to you, one normal and one metal. He was fucking buff.You couldn’t help but notice the way his chest flexed as he draped his jacket over the singular dining chair. The way he looked at you, so expectedly and waiting for you to tell him what you needed to tell him, stressed you out. Fidgeting with your fingers, your heart beats hard inside your ribcage. How were you supposed to start this conversation? Your mind was racing with one hundred different thoughts. What am I supposed to say? What if he reacts badly? Instead of just starting at the beginning, your anxiety got the best of you and you blurted out, “Why don’t you sleep in the bedroom?”
Bucky knew that you were nervous, he was nervous too but he could sense your uneasiness, your inability to communicate your thoughts effectively; he could read you pretty easy and this whole blurting out things abruptly was just your nerves. He raised his eyebrows as he fought the urge to laugh at the abruptness. You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. He cleared his throat, “I, uh, you can go into the bedroom, it’s got a wardrobe and a mattress on the floor. I tried sleeping on the mattress a few times but being in there, being away from the front door… I get paranoid that someone’s going to barge into my apartment. If I’m sleeping here, on the floor in the living room, I mean it’s not a pretty set up but if anything was to happen, I’m right here.” You understood. That first night back in yours and Steve’s apartment was tense, you’d had your eyes on the bedroom door almost the whole time. You understood why he’d set his apartment up this way.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to…”
“Word vomit,” Bucky mused, a hint of a smile on his lips.
“Yeah,” you said with a small laugh, “exactly.”
“Since you asked a question, I get to ask one now,” he said as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, “What happened between you and Steve?”
Even though you knew exactly what he was going to ask and yet it still feel like he’d knocked the wind right out of your sails. You decided to just be honest with him, the truth would come out eventually and although in the moment you were terrified to tell him, you knew it was better to be honest, “After the meeting with Fury after hearing and seeing the way Steve reacted to you and how explosive he got… Steve’s just not like that, you know better than anyone that Steve is usually so calm and collected about everything and seeing that… It scared me.”
“He scared you?” Bucky asked with a frown.
“I mean… yeah? Not him, I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me but I thought that he was going to hurt you.” Bucky had to admit that hearing you say that you were worried about him, it was pretty damn sweet, “I…” You took a breath as you tried to control your racing heart, “Even though I know that you and Steve are fine, I know that he apologised and your friendship is okay now but it… He was annoyed at you over me, you both fought because of me and I couldn’t- I can’t risk breaking up your friendship.”
Bucky shook his head quickly, “What happened with me and Steve it was nothing. I don’t think anything could split us up.”
“I just couldn’t but… it wasn’t the only reason I ended things with him.” Bucky’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly as he waited for you to continue. He felt that unfamiliar feeling of hope in his stomach as you spoke, “Before we met, I was so happy with my life with Steve. I could easily see myself marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him, you know?” Bucky nodded. It hurt him to hear you say that but he understood, he knew how serious yours and Steve’s relationship was.
“Has that changed?”
“… Yeah, it has.” You shifted in your seat finding it too difficult to look Bucky in the eye so instead you focused your attention to your fidgeting hands, “We got closer in Estonia, didn’t we?” Closer meaning that I fell in love with you…
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“And there’s no point in denying it since we can now see colour. We’re soulmates, Bucky, and that means something.” He licked his lips, watching your every move. He drank in the way you looked right now, speaking from the heart though absolutely terrified, he loved the honesty that poured out of yourself right now, “I can’t speak for you, I don’t know how you feel but… ugh.” You rubbed your face annoyed that you couldn’t find the right words, “Let me start again. Before we left for Estonia, Steve gave me a letter.”
You were too busy trying to explain the situation to Bucky that you never realised his expression changing. A look of shock and realisation transformed Bucky’s face, raising his eyebrows and parting his lips ever so slightly, “A letter?” He asked. You nodded, “What was the letter about?” He knew. He knew but he needed you to say it. He hadn’t realised at the time that the letter is what you carried out to the car after HYDRA broke into the safe house, he hadn’t realised it was a letter from Steve.
“Steve had told me to only open the letter if…” You felt sick. You couldn’t say it, the words just wouldn’t come out of your mouth.
It was your turn to be shocked when Bucky took his wallet out of his pocket and pulled out a creased and crumpled envelope, “He told you to open the letter if you developed feelings… for me.” Raising your head, you finally looked at him. What the fuck? You noticed the letter in his hand and he continued, “Yeah, Steve gave me one too. He told me to open it if I… if I developed feelings for you.”
You stared at the letter in his hands, trying to figure out this curveball, and then you realised something else. The letter, albeit crumpled and creased having being folded and crushed inside his wallet, was torn open at the top, “It’s-It’s open.”What does that mean? You knew what that meant but honestly, you didn’t believe it. Steve hadn’t told you that he’d also written a letter for Bucky. You wondered what his letter said, what things Steve would talk about in Bucky’s letter.
Bucky looked at it, remembering exactly when he opened it and remembering the relief and comfort those words held for him, “Yeah, it’s open… What about yours?” Part of him doesn’t want to know in fear of rejection but when you nod and tell him that you opened your letter as well, the relief that floods through him is insane. The hope that he’s been trying to ignore all day burns bright and makes him shift in his seat. What did it all mean now? It was pretty clear and yet neither of you could fully comprehend it. You’d both just told the other that you had feelings for them, though never using those words but you’d both just admitted it and now… now you had no clue what to do.
You felt sick. The stress and the nerves of it all was just too much for you. You took a long breath to try and calm yourself down. It was Bucky who spoke next, “So… you ended things with Steve because of the fight me and him had and because…”
“Because I have feelings for you.” There it was. The admission made you stand up and run your hands over your face, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” You felt as though the air was sucked out of the room, like the panic you’d felt all day was consuming you and taking over your entire body and being. As your breathing increased, Bucky could tell that he had to do something, he had to calm you down before you had some sort of attack. As you flapped your hands in a motion to cool down, Bucky stood and walked to you.
“Hey,” he said softly catching your wrist gently, “you’re okay, just breathe… You’re going to be okay, (y/n).” His hold on your wrist moved down until he was holding your hand, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You stared at it, finding that it provided enough of a distraction to focus on him, “Copy my breathing,” he said, purposefully breathing deeper for you to copy him.
“I-I can’t…” The panic surged, filling you to the brim with dread and anxiety.
“Yes, you can,” Bucky said, voice strong, “You’ve done it before, you can do it now. Focus on me, focus on my voice and my breathing. You’re safe here, (y/n), you’re safe with me.” Bucky lifted your free hand and put it on his chest, “Feel me, feel my breathing.” This had been the second time this scenario had happened and each time, Bucky’s composure remained strong and comforting. He never buckled under the stress or never made you feel like you were alone. He was there with you, in it with you just as much as you were in it. Focusing on the way his chest moved slowly, you tried your hardest to do the same. After a few deep breaths, the panic began to clear and everything began to slow. He continued to give you soft reassurance until it was five minutes later and you were completely calm.
You really didn’t know where to go from here. The two of you were still standing in the middle of his apartment, one hand holding his and one hand on his chest, “Are you alright?” He asked quietly.
“Yeah,” you whispered, “just… It’s just a lot of emotions… Thank you.” Part of you wanted to pull away but there was a burning desire deep within you now that you’d finally accepted the truth.
The room shifted again as Bucky realised that you hadn’t pulled away. Now or never, he thought to himself, “I ignored my feelings for you for a while before I accepted them. It was the night that I read The Hobbit to you and you fell asleep, snoring and drooling in my bed, that I really admitted to myself that I didn’t just have feelings for you but… (y/n),” he used his thumb to tilt your head upwards so that you were looking into those ridiculously blue eyes, “I’m in love with you.” In that moment, all of the fear, the worry, the panic, the anxiety, the stress and the overwhelming emotions faded. Everything negative faded and all you could do was stare up at him and stare into those deep blue eyes. Bucky moved forwards, closing the gap between the two of you, pressing against your body. This was it. The way he looked at you made your stomach flip with excitement. Your hand that was on his chest moved round to hold his bicep as your eyes moved from his eyes to his lips. The desire to kiss him was stronger than anything you’d ever felt. Every single nerve in your body, every atom and every single part of you could feel the pull, could feel that soulmate pull that everyone always told you about.
Bucky’s touch was light and delicate on your cheek. He hadn’t touched a person in this way in decades, hadn’t felt the gentle touch of someone else in decades and it took everything in him to have some self-control and to not lose control here and now, “Can I… kiss you?” He breathed out as he cupped your cheek with so much care. He couldn’t take his eyes away from your lips. His thumb reached over, touching your lips, gently parting them before he raised his eyes to meet yours. You couldn’t speak, the words just weren’t coming, so all you did was nod and slowly, so painfully slowly, Bucky began to lean down towards your lips.
It was then that your phone, which was in your jacket pocket, began to ring loudly. Immediately, you and Bucky jumped apart getting a fright from the harshness of the ringtone. With your cheeks feeling like they were on fire, you turned away from Bucky and took out your phone seeing the one name you dreaded seeing ‘Incoming call from: Steve’. Pressing the green button, you held the phone up to your ear, “Steve,” you said trying to pretend to be happy despite the guilt and the shame felt like it was eating you alive, “Everything okay?” At the mention of Steve’s name, Bucky let out a long sigh, rubbing a hand over his face and through your hair. So close.
“Yeah,” Steve said from the other end of the phone, “I just got a phone call from Agent Hill, she said that some SHIELD agents went up to the apartment to check on you but got no answer so they went in to check you were okay but you’re not there. They said that you hadn’t passed them so before they started a man-hunt, I suggested calling you to check. Where are you?”
“I…” You didn’t want to lie but at the same time you didn’t want to tell Steve the truth. You didn’t want to hurt him but you and Steve had came to a conclusion to be honest and truthful with each other so even with the risk of hurting him you decided that the truth would be better, “I’m okay. Nat left this morning and I needed out of the apartment so I called Bucky.” You glanced over your shoulder to see Bucky watching you, you shared an awkward small smile.
“Oh.” It didn’t hurt Steve as much as he thought it would, he had been preparing himself for this since telling you to reach out to Bucky, “How’d you get out of the apartment though?”
“He… We jumped.”
“You jumped?” Steve asked astounded, “Wow okay. I’m sorry for interrupting, I just needed to check before they sent a search party around New York. Where are you just now?”
You closed your eyes, “At Bucky’s apartment but, uh, I should probably be leaving soon.” You were glad that he couldn’t see you and that you had your back to him. Bucky audibly sighed and you felt like curling into a ball and hiding forever. You didn’t really want to leave, you had wanted Bucky so strongly and so completely but after talking to Steve, you didn’t really feel comfortable with staying at Bucky’s any longer. Bucky felt like the hope he’d had earlier, the hope that burned so big and so bright had been crushed and stamped on until there was nothing left of it. He wanted to tell you to stay, wanted to hang up the phone and kiss you. Deep down he felt that if you kissed him, you’d realise how deep and true your feelings were but he couldn’t. He couldn’t force you to stay, couldn’t force you to get over Steve and pick him, he had to let you make your own decision so he just let it be.
“You need me to get an agent to pick you up or will Bucky drive you home?” Steve asked. You knew that if you asked Bucky to drive you home of course he’d say yes but right now, you didn’t know how comfortable that car ride would be so you accepted Steve’s offer of asking sending an agent to pick you up. Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose, everything was falling apart; all of his hopes were being washed away and replaced by disappointment.
Steve told you that he’d get an agent to come over and that they’d be there shortly before you both hung up. Slowly, god so painfully slowly, you turned to face Bucky, “That was Steve,” you said even though Bucky knew that, “Apparently SHIELD were about to send out a search party all for me… Steve’s going to send an agent to pick me up.”
Bucky nodded, “I would’ve driven you home.”
“I know, I just…” You trailed off unsure of what to say next, “I should probably wait downstairs for him.”
“Hey,” Bucky said softly, catching your wrist again. He didn’t want you to go but he knew why you were leaving so he thought he would try to salvage some sort of moment. You didn’t know why but tears filled your eyes as you turned to face him. Your mind was racing and you just didn’t know what to do. You had almost kissed Bucky, you’d been so close and you’d completely forgotten about Steve and then… you remembered and the guilt was ten times worse than it ever had been, “Hey,” Bucky whispers as he tries to wrap you in a hug, “What’s going on?”
Shrugging out of his gentle grip, you shake your head quickly, “I… I- We can’t do this, Bucky.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s too complicated,” you whimpered as tears dribbled down your cheeks, “It’s all just too much.”
“Oh.” Once again, you couldn’t look at him. If you looked at him you’d end up staying and right now, you didn’t know what you wanted or what to do. All you knew is that you needed to go back to your apartment and just be away from Steve and Bucky, “Why are you doing this?” Bucky asked and it completely broke your heart, “We were finally getting somewhere.”
“I’m just…” You didn’t know how to answer his question, you didn’t know how to deal with his emotions, “We just can’t do this, Bucky.”
“No, no, not we,” you could tell by his slightly bitter tone that he was angry. Rightfully so, you’d wasted his time, you’d led him on today for no good reason, “You can’t do this.” He was right, it wasn’t Bucky’s fault that you couldn’t do this, it was your own fault. You were the one pulling the plug on this relationship before it even started.
“Yeah you’re right,” you sniffed, “I can’t do this.”
Bucky scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Run back to him,” he said with venom dripping from his voice, “Run back to Steve.”
“I-I’m not going back to Steve. I just… I just can’t do this.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Bucky’s demeanour had changed completely. He was good at shutting off emotionally, turning cold and distant when things were going poorly and that’s exactly what was happening here. He couldn’t show you his true feelings, he was too proud of beg you to stay, so he shut you out. He would rather you hated him than he show you himself being vulnerable again after having you reject him. Your phone chimed, signalling that you’d received a text, “That’ll be your ride.”
“Bucky, I’m really sorry…” You opened the door, refusing to look at him.
“Yeah, whatever,” he repeated. There was nothing else you could say so you stepped out and let the door swing shut behind you. As you walked down the hall, you could only stay strong until you got into the elevator before you broke down, sobbing into your hands. You’d fucked everything up. Waves of guilt washed over you; guilt over Steve, guilt over Bucky… It was horrible. You managed to pull yourself together a little bit before getting in the agent’s car.
Bucky ran his hands through his hand letting out an annoyed yell before slamming his hands onto the kitchen counter. He was angry. God, he was so angry. He hated that he’d almost had you, you were right there and then as soon as Steve called… you were gone. It was ironic. In the 30s, Bucky was always first and then Steve was second best but now? Now it felt like he was second best and he hated it. Bucky wanted you, he wanted to be with you and he had been so close and then you pulled away from him and there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t do anything but watch as you pulled away and back into the arms of Steve. He’d confessed his true feelings for you, he’d told you how deeply he felt about you and you’d been so close to doing the same.
With a long sigh, Bucky thought that maybe New York wasn’t the place for him any longer… maybe leaving Wakanda was a bad choice. If he’d stayed, he wouldn’t have met you but he wouldn’t have caused all of this drama and you and Steve would be happy. He didn’t like seeing you so stressed, anxious and confused with the whole situation so maybe it would be better if Bucky decided for you. Maybe it would be better if he took himself out of the equation completely. Maybe it was time for him to leave.
Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.
Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader
Note;so sorry for the delay! I’m back and I hope you like it!
You hated goodbyes. You hated the whole not knowing when things would be back to normal. You hated this whole ‘unsure’ atmosphere. Goodbyes were sad and lonely and they were entirely unpleasant and yet, you were willingly putting yourself through one right now. Sure, it wasn’t an absolute ending but it was almost as awful as the real thing. In fact, maybe it was even worse than the real thing. This ending was completely your doing, you decided it had to be done in order to clear your own head and to save Bucky and Steve’s friendship. It killed you inside to do it but it had to be done. It had been your decision, you ended things with Steve (well not completely ended things but still) and you were the one willingly cutting things off for the good of the two of you. You had to. You couldn’t let this carry on any longer.
Love was an awful thing. It was beautiful and good and terrible and wretched all at the same time and right now, you couldn’t continue to put yourself, Steve or Bucky through this. It was destroying their friendship and it was destroying you. What kind of person would you be had you willingly continued on with yours and Steve’s relationship whilst knowing what it was doing to Steve and Bucky’s? You just couldn’t. As much as you loved Steve, you simply couldn’t. You mentally cursed yourself for being empathetic to other people and their relationships. Even despite the fact that Steve had told you that he and Bucky had patched things up when you’d been in the toilet at the SHIELD compound but that didn’t really change much on your end. They solved one fight but what if they had a worse one, what if they had one that they couldn’t fix? You couldn’t risk that. It just wasn’t fair so… you told Steve that the two of you needed to take a break from your relationship.
Steve was pretty broken up about it, as one would be naturally, but he was being strong for you; he knew that this was the right thing to do. He understood why you had to do this and to be honest, he somewhat agreed. No, he didn’t want to break up with you but he figured that you’d been through so much in such a short space of time and you needed to figure your head and heart out. You needed time to heal and process the trauma of the last few weeks. A part of him, a selfish part of him, wished that he could make you forget about Bucky but the rational side of him knew that even he had a soulmate that wasn’t you. Peggy had died a few years prior and Steve’s version of her was way back in the 30s but still, he loved her and he couldn’t stop that. He would always love Peggy but at the same time, he would always love you. You weren’t his ‘soulmate’ through the world’s eyes but in Steve’s eyes, you absolutely were. How lucky he was to have loved and had two soulmates in his lifetime. It hurt Steve but he understood so he didn’t put up a fight but instead he just understood that this is what you had to do.
After speaking about things and coming to decision to temporarily end things, Steve decided that he’d leave the apartment for a while to give you your well needed space and time to think things through. Steve couldn’t have you alone in the apartment, even though it was protected, so he called Natasha and asked her to stay for a night or two. You were glad that Steve had asked Nat, you needed to talk to her, needed to vent and hear her thoughts on things.
Nat arrived around thirty minutes later carrying a pizza and a duffel bag. She and Steve spoke for a few minutes at the door before she came inside and told you that she was going to go to the bathroom which gave you and Steve the chance to say your goodbyes. Almost instantly, your eyes welled with tears as you realised that this was it. God, it really felt like a proper break-up, “You know, this was your apartment first, Steve, I can go stay with a friend instead-”
Steve shook his head as he placed his bag down by the door, “Don’t be silly, this is your home too. I’d rather you be here where I know that you’re surrounded by SHIELD agents and with Nat here, I trust that you’ll be safe.”
There was a lapse in the conversation, that kind of awkward ‘I don’t know what to say next’ sort of vibe. Steve looked at you with a soft smile, “Hey,” he said quietly, reaching out for you, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
You moved into his touch allowing him to caress your cheek with his fingers gentle on your skin, as you nodded slightly, “Yeah… I just need time to figure everything out.”
“I know and I understand,” he whispered, “I don’t blame you, sweetheart.”
“Steve,” you said, “what if… what if we don’t…” You couldn’t finish the question. You couldn’t ask him ‘what if we don’t get back together’, you simply couldn’t.
Steve shook his head, “No, no, no, what we aren’t going to do is torture ourselves with ‘what ifs’. Instead, you’re going to focus on you healing and processing everything and I’m going to focus on Hydra and making peace with Buck… Come here.”
He opened his arms and you eagerly wrapped yourself up in them, relishing in his warmth and the way he smelled. You didn’t know when you’d next experience a hug like this so for now, you would enjoy every second of it. You stayed like that for a few moments, just enjoying each other, before you heard the lock of the bathroom click and the door open. Steve pulled away first, “I guess that’s my queue to go,” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “If you need me, call me.”
“Where will you go?” You asked as he grabbed his bag.
“I’ll be at Sam’s, I won’t be far.”
He thanked Nat before turning and opening the door, “Steve?” You asked, making him pause, “I love you.”
He smiled as he turned slightly to face you, “I love you, too, (y/n).” With that, he left leaving you and Nat alone in the house.
Nat, sensing that you could potentially break down here, swooped in and opened up the pizza, “Let’s eat, then we’ll talk.”
As the pizza box lay almost with just a couple of slices left, Natasha was telling you about her and Bruce’s blossoming relationship, “He finally let up and gave into me-”
“Who could deny you and your charm, Ms. Romanoff?”
Nat smirked, “Exactly. He told me that he was scared, he still doesn’t fully trust himself but we’re getting there slowly. After our first date, we went on another and another and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. We finally made it official!” The smile on her face made you smile. You were happy for her truly. Nat had waited a long time to find happiness, you knew that, so you were glad that she finally had it in her grasp.
It was then her attention focused on you, “So what’s going on with you and Steve? And Barnes actually?”
You knew that it was coming but it felt like a swift kick to the stomach when she asked you. You let out a long breath, “I have no idea, Nat.”
“Start from the day you left with Barnes.”
So you did. You ran through the events that transpired, a shorter more concise version, as Natasha listened intently. Her face gave nothing away as you spoke, you didn’t know if she was judging you for developing feelings for Bucky or if she approved; you had no idea. It was only when you’d finished retelling her the events of the last few weeks that she frowned, “Do you love him?”
Assuming that she was talking about Bucky, you shook your head, “I have no idea. I know that I have feelings for Bucky but I don’t know if it’s love… It’s intense and real but I- I don’t know.”
“I never specified a person. I asked do you love him, it was you who filled in the ‘him’ part. Judging by the fact you picked Bucky, I’d say that yeah, you do love him.” Her tactic caught you off guard, making you second guess everything. She smirked, “Do you love Steve?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“Do you love Bucky?”
“I-I-”
“No, stop thinking. You think things through and you can talk yourself out of everything, (y/n).” Natasha rolled her eyes, she knew you too well. You could talk yourself into or out of anything if you gave it enough thought. “Yes or no, do you love Bucky?”
You closed your eyes and listened to the pounding of your heart. You thought back to the getting to know him over the last few weeks. You thought of the way he listened to you as you spoke, the way he didn’t say much and yet said everything, the way he read to you, the way he protected you, the way he held you as you cried, the way he looked at you… “Yes,” it was barely more than a whisper but there it was; the truth. Nat sat back, satisfied that she’d made you admit the truth to yourself, “Oh, Nat,” you whimpered as your eyes filled with tears, “What am I doing?”
Nat gave you a sympathetic smile, “Right now, you did the right thing ending things with Steve. It was good of you to recognise that you need to figure out what you want-”
“I don’t know what I want! I love Steve but Bucky’s just… He got under my skin and no matter how hard I try, I cannot shake him.”
“Talk me through it.”
“With Steve, everything’s easy, you know? Everything’s simple and good with Steve. He’s kind and he’s open and he’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met-”
“But?”
“But am I too comfortable with him? Is life toosimple,tooeasy?”
“Is that a bad thing?” From the outside, yours and Steve’s relationship seemed perfect and truthfully, it was. You didn’t think many men in the world were like Steve Rogers, he was one of the good ones; the reallygood ones. Despite that though the question of ‘what if’ hung over you like a rain cloud and you couldn’t shake it despite trying to.
“I don’t know honestly. A large part of me says that no it isn’t a bad thing, I should want an easy life, a comfortable life but there’s another part of me…”
“What about Bucky?”
“Bucky’s…” You smiled, “Bucky’s just Bucky. He’s stubborn and cold but once you crack open that shell, he’s funny and charming and I want to know more-”
“But?”
“But am I being naïve? Bucky’s my soulmate and that obviously means something but is it enough? I know that I could marry Steve tomorrow and live our comfortable life with him until the day we die but… would it be enough for me? Would I always question ‘what if’?”
“Do you see yourself with Barnes that way? Marrying him and being together forever, white picket fence and all that jazz?”
You started down at your hands, fiddling with the frays of the blanket, “I don’t know. I think that’s what I need to figure out. I think I need to get to know Bucky more, see if it’s just a kind of infatuation or if it’s more… Ugh.” You groaned, falling back into the chair you occupied.
Nat raised her eyebrows as she took another sip of beer, “I don’t envy you right now, you know. It seems like you’ve got one hell of a decision to make.”
“I don’t want to be the cause of their friendship being ruined. You should’ve seen them today, I’ve never seen Steve like that… I don’t know if I’d be able to handle seeing either of them like that again.”
“You know that whoever you were to go forif you were to go for either… the other would make peace with that. Bucky and Steve have survived a lot worse. You think two men from the 30s would hold a grudge? I don’t think so. I think they’d be fine. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you.”
You slunk back into the couch, “Yeah… But what is best for me?”
Nat pushed the pizza box towards you with her foot, “More pizza. Eat up and stop torturing yourself.”
“Didn’t I say this was gonna happen?” Sam asked Steve with raised eyebrows, “Didn’t some really smart guy say that you were only just gonna push (y/n) into his arms? Who said that? Oh, Idid, I’m that smart guy.” Steve had arrived at Sam’s a while ago and he’d been updating him on the events of the last while. Sam was not impressed in the slightest, obviously.
Steve shook his head with a laugh, “Yeah, yeah… You told me so, I get it.”
“But seriously, how you doing?”
The super soldier shrugged, “Part of me wishes I’d never introduced Bucky to (y/n).”
“Wish you’d never introduced him to me too,” Sam muttered under his breath, “Pain in my ass.”
“But it was inevitable. How were any of us to know that the two of them would be soulmates? It was the last thing that any of us expected and yeah, I pushed them together so it is pretty much my fault.” He looked down to the ground, “Ultimately, I just want her to be happy; that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Could you bear to watch (y/n), your alleged second soulmate, be in love with your second best friend? Could you stomach that?”
Steve shook his head, “Wouldn’t matter,” he said, “I’d just have to do it. If they were going to be together, I’d still be in their lives no matter how hard it is for me. I couldn’t give up on either of them like that.”
“What do you think’s gonna happen?” Sam asked, taking a sip of beer.
“Honestly?” Steve sighed, “I don’t know.”
It was after midnight, Nat had long since fallen asleep on the couch but you found yourself lying awake thinking of one person in particular. Your mind was full of thoughts of him, you couldn’t help it. With a sigh, you sat up, grabbing your phone and unlocking it, eyes squinting to adjust to the change in the light. You scrolled through your contacts before landing on the one person who you needed to talk to; you wouldn’t sleep unless you spoke to him. Truthfully you knew that you shouldn’t be doing this, you knew that you might regret this decision but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to phone him; you had to hear his voice.
“You know us breaking up or ‘taking space’ doesn’t really mean you should be calling me during the night.” As soon as you heard his voice, you immediately relaxed, “What’s going on, love?” You could tell by his voice that he’d been sleeping, you’d just woke him up.
“Steve,” you almost whimpered, “Have I made a mistake?”
“Sweetheart, relax,” Steve sighed. You heard the rustling of sheets as he assumedly sat up, “I know it was only a few hours ago but I understand why it had to happen. You have to figure out what you want, whether that’s me, Bucky or neither. You have to decide what you want to do and the only way you can do that is by taking a break from us.”
“I wish things could go back to the way they were before.”
“The selfish part of me agrees but ultimately, I’m glad that you met Bucky. I’m glad you get to experience a world of colour now. Despite the circumstances of what’s happened and how it came to be, I’m glad you got to meet him and see the best version of himself. I’m glad that he met you, that he got to experience your joy because it’s the best damn thing in the world.” Hearing Steve say these things, these completely selfless beautiful things, made you just wish that you were with him now, curled up in bed. He could hear your sniffling and knew you were crying, “Have you spoken to him? Bucky I mean?”
“No, not since the hospital, why?”
“Maybe you should give him a call.” Why was Steve saying you should call Bucky? Why was he pushing you in his direction? “I mean, as hard as it is for me to suggest it and be okay with it, maybe you need to talk to him about how you feel and about what’s happened. I’m not saying you’re going to choose either of us but being honest might help put things into perspective.”
“I don’t understand, Steve…” You sighed, “Why don’t you hate me? Why don’t you hate Bucky?”
“I could never hate you, (y/n). I love you too much, you know that.” He gave a humourless laugh, “It’s my fault this happened in the first place. I was reckless and HYDRA found out about you, I asked Bucky to come back, I asked him to take you away… I got that ball rolling… I just want you to be happy and if that’s with Bucky then so be it. No matter what happens, I don’t regret any of my choices when it comes to you. I never regretted us. Know that and believe that.”
His words truly touched you and hit you square in the heart. He radiated love and kindness. You hated yourself for putting him through this. Why can’t I just be satisfied with you, Steve? If you could give up seeing colour for living in blissful ignorance with Steve, you’d do that but you couldn’t. You also couldn’t continue to be with Steve without pulling on the thread of Bucky. You had to know. “I love you, Steve.” You did, you do, love him; he taught you what love was. Things would change from here on out but that didn’t make your feelings for him any less important or any less real.
“I love you too. Now try and get some sleep. I’ll reach out in a few days, okay?”
“Okay… Bye.” The call ended with a ‘beep’ and then you were left alone in the dark silence once again. Though this time, you didn’t feel as lonely, sad or anxious, you felt safer now; more at peace after hearing Steve’s voice.
You stayed awake for a while thinking about the things Steve said. He wanted you to call Bucky, although it hurt Steve he knew that you needed to try out all options, see where your head was and see where your heart lay. It surprised you that Steve thought that you should call Bucky, surprised that Steve was so seemingly okay with it. You knew that deep down, he wasn’t okay but he would force on a smile and would advise you to do it. Steve was too kind for his own good, he was too selfless. Overall else, he wanted you to be happy and if you were happy with Bucky, that would be enough for Steve. Still, hearing him say that you should call Bucky shocked you. That was for another day though. Instead, for now, you relished in the smell of Steve in the duvet, his words repeating over and over inside your mind.
I don’t regret any of my choices when it comes to you. I never regretted us.
Summary: Bucky has a thing for sundresses, he loves it when you wear them for him. All you have to do is saunter around in his favorite one and he’s willing to do whatever you want.
Pairing: Beefy Biker Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Smut, Bucky being a 6′4″ menace, sex against a wall, praise kink, implied body worship.
A/N: Based on a tiktok about sundresses, written on my phone. Comments, reblogs and likes are cherished. Sinday drabble.
This is not the fic about the first time he saw you in a sundress, oh no he was way worse that day.
Bucky loves it when you wear dresses, you look beautiful in the classic little black he bought you for a party but his favorites are those colorful sundresses. The ones that show off your luscious curves, and slide across your ass with every step, highlighting your body in ways the other dresses can’t.
He goes feral every time he sees you in them. He likes you in sundresses more than you like him in those grey sweatpants.
You can get him to do anything you want if you ask him while wearing the one red with the thin gold straps. Granted, he’s going to do whatever you want anyway, but he appreciates the extra motivation.
And he knows, he absolutely knows, what you’re doing when you saunter around the house, wearing a new sundress. Enticing him with your pretty smiles and even prettier eyes as the soft material sways around your hips.
It doesn’t matter because he’s always ready to give you anything including giving you the moon whenever you want. He’s just waiting for you to ask.
That’s the power you have. And he loves it.
Bucky’s trying to behave, he really is. Even keeping his eyes on the manual he’s studying, telling himself to stay focused while you moved around the living room.
—silverfox! bestfriend’s dad! bucky barnes x reader
summary || right from his electric blue eyes to his graying beard, everything about Bucky made you want him more.
warnings ||dilf! bucky, unprotected sex, veryfilthydirty talk, gray beard kink?, pussy spanking, daddy kink, metal arm kink, oral sex, finger sucking, choking, multiple orgasms, voice kink, seduction, petnames (sweetness, princess), very filthy. PWP—MINORS DNI if any of this makes you uncomfortable then please do not read!
I have decided to not do taglists anymore, so if you wished to be notified of my newest updates please follow @bonky-n-steeb-lib and turn on the notifications!
I’m so horny for his silverfox era… shsjhssgg
“Do you have a moment?” You asked as you knocked on the open door. A small smile spread upon Bucky’s face as he looked up at you from the stack of files he was overlooking. But the smile soon disappeared as he gulped when he looked down at the dress you were wearing.
“Umm actually, I was think of reading a book and I would love to have your recommendations.” You said as you sensually walked over to him. You smirked when you noticed the way his eyes were still stuck raving over your body.
You were wearing a slip dress which hugged your curves and was nearly see through. He licked his lips when he saw that you weren’t wearing anything other than the dress. And you were happy to realise that it was having the effect you were hoping for on Bucky.
“Wha… what?” He cleared his throat when he realised that you were saying something. You leaned down on the desk such that your breasts were right in front of his face. “I was just asking for some book recommendations.” You said innocently.
Bucky’s breath hitched as he eyed your tits again. He just couldn’t get enough of how your nipples were clearly visible through the sheer material. This sure wasn’t a coincidence and you definitely weren’t that innocent.
Bucky took a deep breath before speaking up. “Be honest, do you want me to fuck you?”
Did you want him to fuck you? Yes. You wanted him to completely ruin you.
Bucky’s daughter, Sasha, had become your best friend since you’d met in the freshman year of your college. But after graduating from your university, you had to move to this city for your job while Sasha had decided to tour the world with the gracious courtesy of her father’s money.
You were a little sceptical of living in the city alone without any connections, and it was then that Sasha had suggested that you live in her house. You initially didn’t want to accept her offer and be a burden, but after constant persuasion from Sasha, you had finally caved in.
You still remembered coming directly to her house from the airport. You had thought you’d be alone as Sasha wasn’t even in the country and she hadn’t specified anyone else would be there. But oh, how wrong you were.
But the moment you had seen Bucky Barnes warmly welcome you into the palatial house, you were so dumbstruck that your bags had literally slipped from your hands. He had just smiled and patted your back as he guided you through the vast halls.
You had screamed to Sasha over the phone about how she had kept you in the dark and her only reply was that the house was big enough for you to avoid Bucky if you wanted to. But that was the problem, you didn’t want to avoid Bucky, you couldn’t.
Right from his electric blue eyes to his graying beard, everything about that man leaked pure sex. You definitely hadn’t missed the glances he gave your way when he thought you weren’t looking, and you were shameless enough to ogle the dilf while he did literally anything.
Looking at that man, you just knew he fucked good. He was built like a brick shithouse and had the charm to woo anyone he wanted. You were a little scared of acting towards your feelings for him, but after last night where you’d seen him get out of the pool, dripping wet, you just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Though you were still a little nervous about the act you were pulling, you knew he liked you too. The way he touched you a little more than necessary, the way he laughed a little too hard when you cracked a silly joke, the way he looked at you with hunger in his eyes, were all the indicators you needed.
You didn’t even waste a second in answering to his straight forward question. “Yes!”
Something changed in Bucky’s eyes that instant and you gasped when you felt his warm hand grace your throat. He wasn’t pressing, just holding you still and making you aware of his power. “You look so fucking cute in this dress.” He rasped as he trailed his metal fingers down your gown.
A breathy sigh left your lips when he pinched your hardened nipples through your dress. You were sure Bucky could feel your heart racing through the hand that was wrapped around your throat. He was still very much seated in his plush chair while you bent at an odd angle.
“Do you know what would make you look cuter?” just his thick voice was making you squirm. His words were commanding and reeked dominance and yet they wrapped around you like chocolate and made you melt on the spot. He pressed himself ahead such that his lips were right against your ear. “You’d look even cuter with my cock in your mouth.”
Your brain nearly short circuited with just his filthy words. You were obediently about to get down on your knees like you’d dreamed of a hundred times before, but Bucky stopped you. “You’re such a good girl, sweetness. Just one word from daddy and you’re getting down on your knees.”
He pulled you forward and rewarded you with a sweet kiss on your lips that made your stomach flutter. “I’m dying to see you make a mess on my cock, but not today. Today I’m going to treat you like a princess.” With that, he got up and you gaped as he cleared everything that was on his table with a sweep of his hand and pushed you back on it.
He was quick to spread your thighs and you choked on your spit as the cool air hit your bared cunt. Bucky’s eyes were filled with lust and darkened such that only a light ring of blue was remaining. With two of his fingers, he spread apart your wet folds and your enter body heated up.
His smirk could only be described as devilish as he sat down on his knees. He released the hand over your neck and you somewhat missed the feeling. You got up on your elbows to see what he was about to do, but he pushed you back down. He shifted you such that your thighs were resting on his shoulders.
The first lick of his warm tongue against your needy cunt was enough to make you moan like a whore. Your fingers gripped the edge of the wooden table as he lapped up your soaking petals. His tongue was skilled and even better was the slight burn his beard was searing your thighs with.
“This sweet pussy…” he spit on your cunt, adding to the mess, before continuing, “… is mine!” He turned his face around and you nearly screamed with overwhelming ecstasy as he sank his teeth into your thigh. “Say it!” He demanded and your spluttered.
“It’s yours!” You pushed your fingers into his hair, but he quickly held your wrists away from him. “You know better than to forget your manners. Now what do you call me?” You were so delirious with the urgent need to cum, you couldn’t really process his words.
Your eyes flew wide open and an electric flow travelled up your spine when his hand connected with your swollen folds in a loud slap. You instinctively closed your legs, but he held them open. “Don’t you ever deny me what’s mine.” With that, he spanked your cunt again.
“Please.. I fuck!” You were trying to think, but Bucky just kept on stepping up his game. It was the third spank on your tender pussy that made you remember his original question. “Ohmygod! Daddy! Fuck! I’m sorry daddy!“ you nearly screamed.
“Good girl.” Bucky placed a tender kiss to your throbbing clit, and this act was somehow more lewd than anything before. He was once again back to lapping you up like a starved man and you nearly went spineless on the table.
His warm lips around your swollen bun was the tipping point you needed and you came with a loud cry of his name. Pure ecstasy flooded your veins as you writhed on the table. And Bucky lapped up all that you gave him as your legs shook around his face.
Bucky got up from between your legs only when you stopped trembling like a calf. His lower face, especially his grey beard was covered with your juices and that was the hottest sight you’d ever laid your eyes on.
You panted for breath on the desk as Bucky lowered his pants and pulled out his cock. Your nearly salivated at his long girthy cock as he fisted it slowly, giving you a show. It was a little curved and covered with veins which you wanted to trace with your tongue.
You hissed as he placed the tip of his cock over your nub. He rubbed the head of his cock between your petals and your mewled with need. “Don’t tease me daddy.” You whined when he didn’t enter you, and just kept on teasing you. Bucky was still very much dressed and composed while you begged and this turned you on even more.
“I’mteasingyou?” He scoffed. “I don’t think that’s what happened here, princess. You were the one who just walked in here, practically naked. Whenever you bend down and show off that fucking ass of yours makes me wanna tear your clothes to shreds and fuck you raw.” He sneered.
“Then fuck me!” Your demand turned into a pathetic whimper as his thick length entered your clenching hole in a hard stroke. Bucky wasn’t gentle as he fucked into you. His hands were holding your hips hard enough to bruise as he rammed into you like a man possessed.
“Oh..oh! Fuck daddy! You’re fucking me so well!” You blabbering nonsensically as he fucked you within an inch of your life. His curved cock was hitting just the right spots and you nearly saw stars as he pounded into you. The force of his thrusts was shaking the table, but it was the least of your worries.
“I’m gonna… I’m.. oomf!” You choked as he pushed two of his cold metal fingers into your open mouth. You didn’t know if Bucky could feel those fingers, but you sucked on them anyway. You didn’t know how, but the suckling on those fingers made you even more relaxed.
“Look at you, princess. You’re making such cute wet noises as you drool around my fingers.” The shame you felt from his words only aroused you more. Your saliva had indeed collected at the corners of your mouth as he warmed his fingers in your mouth.
This orgasm hit you like a freight train, out of nowhere and harder than anything else. The world muted into soft clouds of pleasure and you felt as if you were floating on them while drowning in honey. A few tears slipped from your eyes from the sheer intensity.
“I was wrong, you look even cuter crying on my cock.” His words were so condescending and yet you loved it. He pulled his fingers out of your mouth, now dripping with your saliva and placed them straight on your clit. He pressed tight circles over your nub and you sobbed.
“Did you think about me at night while you touched yourself?” You really didn’t know how Bucky was talking so much while fucking the daylights out of you. You were too out of it to lie, so you simply admitted the truth. “Yes!”
“Hmm.. now you don’t need to lay awake thinking about me. I’m gonna fuck this pussy so well, you’d feel me for days.” You honestly didn’t know how long you’d last. You were very sensitive from your previous orgasms and you could already feel yourself approaching another rapidly.
“I.. Uhh I.. urrghh Daddy!” You exclaimed as you felt yourself getting closer. “Shh.. I know princess, I know.” He cooed and somehow his condescending tone was what made you tumble down again. “You can give me one more, I know you have it in you… yeah! Just like that. Let go for me cum for your daddy.” Bucky grunted as he too came in warm spurts inside you.
He trusted a few more times before collapsing on top of you like a warm blanket. Your held him close as you both panted to catch your breaths and you couldn’t help but think that you were going to live a lot longer in this house than you had initially expected.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus-size Reader, Foggy Nelson x Reader
Features: Mutual pining, idiots in love, angst, body insecurity, misunderstandings.
Summary: When Bucky finally makes his move, you can’t believe that someone like him would ever really want you. A misunderstanding creates a rift in your friendship and, when a new suitor show up, will Bucky be willing to compete for your affections?
Updates and taglist: Updates for series will be made on weekly. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction for update notifications. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when a new part or story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!
