Here’s a little sneak peek into the developing costume designs for or lead characters in the PURE pilot episode, created by our amazing costume designer, Kumie Asai!
We’ll continue posting about our pre-production journey on social media and at www.journeytotheannex.com. More to come!
I still don’t know how to described last week, except it was something that happened
If you somehow didn’t catch up, I was on display in THE art museum of Orlando, FL!
Being a featured creator and have 5 of my creations in the hallowed galleries of the OMA, next to 15th century paintings, is something I’d never expect to actually happened.
Thank you so much to @form2fashion for believing in me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. This collaborative partnership with @orlandomuseumofart was me in my zone, my happy place. Tha j you to @miss.kookie.munster & @superspookyyy for helping me with the set up/breaking down, and hanging out with me among the whispering paintings. Thank you so much to everyone who was there for me, in person or spirit. I was a boy who got to have a Cinderella moment.
To the cosplayers just starting out who values craftsmanship, it is possible. Yes, your work is art.
“I like to downplay a lot of $%!T, but this is a big deal.” - @dojacat
Character design prompt: Dinner party in 1920s Paris and someone’s going to get killed
A little project I might do some more work on later! I spent the week studying French animation and character design and made a short story about a mafia coup attempt! Keep reading for the full story!
Story
Before marrying Byron Chatelain, Alarie was also known as the daughter of the infamous Conein crime families, direct rivals of Byron, a mafia boss. Alarie also had a boyfriend who worked for Byron, but for obvious reasons they kept their ‘Romeo/Juliet’ relationship a secret.
Unfortunately for them, Byron caught them together and was about to kill her boyfriend for betraying him to the Coneins. Luckily, Alarie played her cards right and proposed that she and Byron get married as it would unite two very powerful crime families, as long asByrondoesn’t kill her boyfriend.
Within a month of their marriage, when the Coneins dropped their guard, Byron gets her ex-boyfriend andher father killed. Though he never admits to it, Alarie knows he did it and vows to kill him.
Their married life isn’t fantastic; Byron is very disrespectful to Alarie and treats her as a trophy wife, but he does give her the freedom to go out as she pleases.
One night, she meets Henri Damas, a WW1 war veteran and now a member of an Apache street gang because he couldn’t get good work after the war. Alarie starts an affair with Henri and together they begin to plot to kill Byron. Alarie tells Henri that if he kills Byron at an upcoming party, then she’ll make him the new mafia boss.
Henri has delusions of grandeur and is easily tempted by the idea of power and glory, so he can’t see that Alarie is using him to do her dirty work; in fact, after the job is done, Alarie wants to become the new mafia boss and will probably get Henri killed.
And so when the party comes round, Henri decides to invite his best friend Thomas D’Albret. The two of them met during the war and both joined the same gang on their return to Paris. Thomas hates parties and all things to do with socialising, but he knows Henri has a tendency to get himself into messy situations and so decides to come along just in case things go sideways and he needs to bail Henri out.
Hiya! I know I’ve disappeared off the face of Tumblr but I’ve been hard at work for my new employers, a Liverpool progressive rock band inspired by our very own Queen and Rush…
Mal Hijo
Please!! If you like Queen you’re going to love Mal Hijo! Look them up on Spotify! They released their debut album Superstar Crematorium in April and its fantastic!
Costume design sketch by Léon BakstforMarchesa Luisa Casati,Queen of the Night costume from the opera The Magic Flute(1791)by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, 1920.
My two adorable clients sent me pics of their costumes that I just shipped and arrived on time yesterday! I was SO relieved to hear that everything fit and that all my stressing paid off. They leave for France in two weeks to attend the costume ball at Versailles Palace.
NOBLE GOWN with cartridge pleat skirt: I stick to fabrics that are 58″ to 60″ wide and use four panels. Now, the amount (yardage) will depend on how tall your client is, but generally I allow about 6 to 7 yards for the skirt - alone. i like my skirts FULL! I literally have a visceral reaction when I see skirts that barely fit over the farthingale (cone shaped hoops).
Now there’s a caveat to that number: A woman size 5 to 10 you can get away with 3 panels of 58″ wide fabric. Narrower fabric will require more! A woman size 12 to 20 can generally get away with 4 panels of 58″ to 60″ fabric. Size 22 and up may need 5 panels of 58″ to 60″ wide fabric - It depends on your fabric! It also depends on “prepping” for cartridge pleats. I sew on a strip of grosgrain ribbon to stabilize the fabric for pleating. This is especially important when using silks - otherwise, your pleats will be paper thin and require MORE fabric. I
My cartridge pleats are generally marked at about .75 or ¾ of an inch wide. NOTE: I’ve done tutorials, BUT I’ll have to do a video. If you follow my Facebook page that’s usually where I post my “tutorials.”
I allow another 2 yards for the bodice, and another 1.5 yards for sleeves - - fitted sleeves! Most of my clients want matching embroidered sleeves and forepart.
For the forepart, which is the embellished “underskirt” I allow 2 yards.
*Now…the sleeves and forepart are usually made in a contrasting color! So make sure to split up your yardage accordingly by color.
I allow an EXTRA yard to 1.5 yards to make piping!
TOTAL: 13.5 yards - BUT ALWAYS ORDER AN EXTRA yard of your main fabric!
Why order extra? I’ll tell you!
Back in 2019, I started THIS gown for the actress who portrays Queen Elizabeth at the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire in my hometown of Bonney Lake. (She’s a very good friend!) The pandemic happened and she had some health changes and gained some weight in the 2.5 years since. When you gain weight, you gain it ALL OVER so just widening the back of the gown is NOT a fix. The width of your chest changes. The entire circumference of your torso changes. The width of your shoulders change. Everything changes! I had to redraft the entire bodice, pick off ALL of the gold bullion trim and beads and redo it! (I’m currently in the throes of that particular project). If I hadn’t had extra fabric I would not have been able to make those alterations! And the client would have to start from scratch. I have a contract that each client is given when they pay their deposit. It clearly states that I am not liable for alterations required for weight gain or weight loss. So the labor would be double!
You can take a skirt, provided you’ve been generous in your width like I am, and shorten the length of your cartridge pleats to alter the skirt larger, but you CANNOT make proper alterations on a bodice that is too small. You have to start OVER. :( So always order extra fabric! It’s much easier to widen a skirt and re-cut another bodice. *wink*
MEN’S NOBLE DOUBLET: I always try to source the widest fabric possible, but some of the beautiful brocades I’ve used are only 45″ wide (as seen in the picture below which I believe was only 38″). The narrower the fabric the MORE you have to buy.
For fabric that is narrower approx 38″ to 45″ wide, you will need 5 yards - unless you want spiral sleeves as seen in the picture below. In that case, you will need more. For fabric that is wider, such as 58″ to 60″ - you can get by with about 3 yards.
Also - - you will need MORE fabric in order to pattern match your panels as I’ve done in the doublet below. So that 5 yards can go up to 6 or 7, if it’s narrower in width. I do not attempt to pattern match my spiral sleeves. That’s just a level of insanity I don’t willingly venture.
For piping, I order an extra yard to 1.5 of contrasting or coordinating silk.
WORKING CLASS KIRTLE:
For most of my kirtles I use 100% linen from Fabric-store.com. Their linen is 58″ wide. I order 5 yards. Again, I like my skirts to be fuller. I use three panels cut to whatever length you need to accommodate for your height.
For the contrasting strips, you only need about ¾ of a yard. I cut the length exactly to the width of the fabric. Three panels in a skirt means three pieces for each strip. If you want your pinner sleeves (that’s what the detachable sleeves were called) in a contrasting color, then order an extra yard.
WORKING CLASS TROUSERS:
I recommend wool lined with a lightweight linen. You’ll need about 3 yards.
I’ll make another post for 18th Century yardage for my projects another time!
WORK IN PROGRESS: Customized embroidery on this men’s 18th Century frock coat and waistcoat. Starting on the second one soon! Still have the other half of the frock coat and the back panel to embroider. I had this pattern digitized by ArtEmbroidery Designs on Etsy. It was reproduced from an extant Men’s Regency waistcoat (vest). I asked her to replicate it so that I could use it on this project. I convinced her back in 2013 to use her digitizing skills to reproduce historical embroidery patterns for embroidery machines, and I am happy to say that she has been very successful! She’s always willing to do little extra projects for me, like cutting and pasting small elements in her designs so that I can create unique layouts with her patterns. I also constantly feed her pictures of embroidery from museum pieces and beg her to reproduce it next! LOL
My clients are attending an 18th Century ball at Versaille palace in France this coming May. They were supposed to attend last May but COVID caused them to postpone the event. I will be thrilled to receive pictures of the two of them modeling my work at the event so I can use them in my store and on my website.
Just wrapped up this custom piece I started early last year (2020) but had to postpone it when the groom’s wedding was rescheduled due to COVID. The embroidery pattern was digitized by ArtEmbroidery at my request, as my client wanted sunflowers! Embroidery was accomplished on my embroidery machine! I get asked alot if my work is hand-stitched. No time for that when my schedule is literally booked out until January 2023!
I’ve been absent on Tumblr due to my crazy schedule and a huge backlog. My apprentice stormed out this past March when I finally set boundaries for her repeated insubordination, monthly call-outs for “PMS” (She was too grouchy to come to work), and sloppy workmanship (for which she expected to be paid regardless). She then proceeded to STEAL the client’s costumes she was assigned, and tried to extort me and the clients - holding the costumes for ransom. Many stressful days and nights later, talks with my attorney, and very understanding clients I have rescheduled the three projects she botched but am $2600 deep in damages for these remakes. Thanks to GOD and Karma the client’s event at Versailles was postponed, so I got to tell her to get - - well, you get the jist. LOL BUT that meant I had to single-handedly cover orders meant for two people, which has put me WAY behind my deadlines. Not to mention a handful of commissions I had to roll over due to COVID.
I am HAPPY working alone again. The really crappy part, besides all the damages, and hustling I’m having to do in the aftermath of her betrayal is that I trusted this person implicitly and counted her a good friend. NEVER mix business with friendships ya’ll (or family).
Anyway, I am FINALLY starting to make headway in my backlog. I’m SO grateful for all my understanding clients who have been waiting patiently for their orders. Most events were canceled due to COVID so that really saved my bacon. I’ve NEVER missed a deadline until 2020 and 2021. Integrity and honesty stands for something, and thank God I have built a reputation on both so her attempts at scorching the earth beneath my feet have only been a temporary inconvenience.
If you follow me, you’ve probably figured out that I’m a rebel. I don’t intentionally TRY to be salty, but with age truly comes wisdom and I’ve just reached a point in my life where I don’t seek the approval of others. The only approval I need is that of my clients who invest their hard-earned cash for a costume and it’s my job to offer them the highest quality I can.
Like many times in the past, real life situations inspire me to come on here and vent or just offer my perspective as a professional. I don’t claim to be “all knowing” or to have ingested every book publicized on historical clothing. I simply leave an open mind for further knowledge, and as such, I am constantly learning and improving because it’s hard-wired into my character to operate from a place of integrity.
The situation that stimulated THIS particular post happened this morning wherein I received a message in my Etsy store. It was completely innocuous, but it gave me an opportunity to remember why I have adopted the following philosophy. They actually used it in a scene in Outlander, but it’s an old Scottish witticism: “Bees with honey in their mouths, still have a sting in their tails.” Now, stick with me here because I have a salient point to make. Not everyone is going to agree with my opinions, and that’s fine with me. I march to the beat of my own drum and not everyone appreciates the tune.
I received a “question” via Etsy messenger in which she stated, “Fellow designer here. Wondering what documentation you have for the box-pleats on the doublet collar? Very unique.”
She was speaking about these particular doublets that I have made for clients and are listed in my store and on my website.
The following is my response, and in it lies the salient points I am attempting to make:
“Hello XXX,
Sadly, I’ve been the victim of some very “vicious” gatekeeping and censure on the part of other historical costumers, so I really am reluctant to enter any discussion of this nature. I hate how rude that sounds, and it’s not meant to be. I understand the limitations of writing rather than speaking and how it can lend itself to misinterpretation as the other party cannot judge my tone or intent.
I’ve had women, perfect strangers, come on my website, and here in my Etsy store over the past 10 years, solely for the purpose to tell me in no uncertain words that I had no “right” to call myself a historical costumer because “such-and-such” has no documentation, etc. Every single encounter has begun exactly as your question, then quickly dissolved into a situation wherein I’m being judged and criticized. You can understand, I hope, why this question leaves me reluctant to respond as I cannot judge whether such curiosity comes from a place of genuine interest, or if like all the other times it is a trap wherein I ultimately found myself the victim of bullying. :(
So, instead of offering specific documentation, I will simply beg your indulgence and ask you the following thought-provoking questions: What does it matter? Does every nuance a designer uses have to be based on a portrait, or wood etchings, etc.? I will say this much: all of my costumes are based on a historically accurate “cut” or pattern. I have an extensive library and I am constantly working to improve my craft. I use tailoring techniques on my doublets and men’s frock coats, and I try to guide my clients to fabrics that may “appear” more accurate, but there is no such thing in 2021 - with the exception of wool or linen. I have spent 20 years in research and bring that knowledge into my costuming.
I ask you with respect and absolutely zero shade: Why do we have to prove ourselves to strangers, or edit our creativity in fear of garnering the sanctions of those in the amateur costuming world who have set themselves up as the scions we must emulate, when none of them possess a degree? In truth, those who have felt justified in attacking me in the past are in essence simply homegrown hobbyists who, while following their passion, have adopted rigid, self-imposed rules in order to feel accepted by the “mean girls club.”
I have purposefully rejected that particular club. I don’t participate on any historical costume pages on Facebook because I don’t condone the snobbery and the vitriol, nor do I refuse to watch historically based films because the “costuming is inaccurate” like they do. Rather, I simply watch it because I am grateful and happy that such movies are made. I know that Hollywood is a business. They don’t make historical pieces for the passion, but for money. The more viewers these films have, results in MORE films of that nature being made. I understand that boycotting them for the inaccuracy of the costumes in reality just cuts off my nose to spite my face, so how is that a victory?
Please forgive the lengthy diatribe, this is my effort to empower you as an artist. I’m going to tell you what I wish all these self-righteous women would have offered me rather than scorn: If you love something, just enjoy it! If in your creativity you find yourself wanting to venture into something that is slightly more historically adjacent rather than something strictly reproduced from extant portraiture, just do it! In truth, NONE of our costumes are historically accurate. It’s impossible, unless we plan to weave our own fabric, dye it using extant mordants, and sew it completely by hand.
Be an individual, and express your passion likewise, and don’t concern yourself with having to document every single aspect of your work. Who cares if a ruff is box pleated or gathered. My only concern is producing pieces of the highest quality that look as if they walked off a filmset. If I love it, and my clients are happy, and I have more work than I can physically manage, then I have been successful. That’s my ultimate goal.
All the best!”
WHAT’S YOUR DOCUMENTATION:
That question may seem innocuous, but if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the kind of bullying and vitriol I have, you will understand why it nettles me. Why do people participate in this damn debate? Is it that they see someone who’s enjoying a modicum of success and they are upset because they aren’t booked out a year in advance?
I spent about 20 years learning, living, and then teaching emotional intelligence. I’ve worked with many victims of abuse and with PTSD, and the concepts helped me to successfully parent two teenagers who grew to be wonderful adults, and to enjoy a successful and happy marriage of 27 years (before his untimely death in 2009).
Ask a psychologist, and they will tell you that the need to feel superior to others is a major cause of putting others down. Psychology says those who feel this need, bully in order to knock others down because by making another person feel small, the person who bullies feels bigger. They may feel superior in that they can assert their self-acclaimed superiority over another person. It could also make them feel strong or powerful to beat another person down. This need comes from a lack of stability regarding this person’s self-worth, and the bullying is simply a defense mechanism they have developed to shield themselves.
Unfortunately, the effects of this solution to feeling superior are short lived. The damage done to the person they bullied is much longer-lasting. Which is EXACTLY why I now grow suspicious when someone asks me to show my “documentation.” That’s totally MY stuff, but I just refuse to enter that debate.
Whether it’s the fact that I machine sew my costumes, or serge the edges of my pattern pieces, or take inspiration from “not-so-accurate” historical techniques, the bullying I’ve experienced is beyond the pale! However, the lesson here is that I don’t let it forestall my creativity. I keep pushing forward, experimenting, and improving where “I” judge I need to improve my work; and I am my own worst critic.
Simply put, I’m not going to defend myself when asked that question, which is why I kindly turned it around and instead of delving into offering “documentation” I offered thought provoking questions.
We have to STOP with the gatekeeping in this industry! I’m not the only one who has spoken out recently in that regard. It’s insidious! Outside of high school, I’ve never experienced the same kind of pettiness as I have since going public with my costuming.
I ask you: How does my use of box pleats, or a headdress that is historically adjacent, truly effect you personally? Examine your reasons for the censure of other costumers, especially those enjoying success. If you’re upset at the success of another, rather than become judgmental and pick apart the inaccuracies of their work maybe instead work to up YOUR game to produce the same quality of work. Maybe instead you can appreciate the meticulous craftmanship and seek to improve your own skills rather than point fingers and say, “That’s not historically accurate!” So what?! There are plenty of designers I’ve taken inspiration from whose work is NOT 100% historically accurate, and I have NEVER considered asking THEM for documentation!
Perhaps I “protest too much,’ but look, I approach my costuming with this thought: Could it have been possible during that era? Do the portraits we see of historical figures represent all that was possible in terms of embellishments or flourishes? The answer to that is NO. And even if it was a Yes, how am I hurting you by using box pleats, or serging the edges of my fabric or cut patterns to prevent fraying? How am I hurting YOU by machine sewing my costumes rather than hand sewing?
In the immortal words of Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?” Why do humans have to behave so hateful to each other? If you deem it justified to attack someone verbally, it CAN lead to the justification of other types of abuse, so just knock it off already!
I make it a habit to ENCOURAGE other costumers EVEN, or more especially, if their work isn’t on par with mine because I REMEMBER where I started, and I do not want anyone else to feel the way these woman have made ME feel. If you could see the stuff I made starting out! YIKES! But I kept working and improving, and practicing with one singular goal in mind: To produce clothing that looks as if it walked off the set of a film. Admittedly, that’s not always a good thing, but I’m speaking to the level of craftmanship rather than the level of accuracy.
It took me ten years to reach a place in my craft where I don’t feel the need to compete with my fellow costumers or defend elements of my work that veer into the realm of “historically adjacent.” There is a market for everyone’s work. I pay attention to my own business and seek to individually please each client who entrusts me with their money. I have not set myself up to be a ‘scion” in the industry, I leave that to The Tudor Tailor!
So, let us leave some space for individuality and just encourage and appreciate each other for our shared passion and leave a mark on the world for positivity. Can we do that?
In this century, when we think of “calico” we more than likely envision a cotton with a small print a la Little House on the Prairie, but calico in the 18th century was just a name for printed cottons and had nothing to do with a specific pattern or design.
It’s interesting to note just “how” printed fabrics were accomplished. A wood carver would create a wooden block of a pattern - such as a cluster of flowers, etc. That block or “stamp” would then be brushed with mordant to make the dye adhere to the fabric. The artisan would then stamp the design on the fabric, then dye the whole piece. It would then be rinsed to reveal the stamped design.
Attached is a copy of a bill of goods from New York dated 1793. I needed to know how much a yard of printed cotton would cost for one of my novels that is set in 1773. As a writer, research of such minutiae is par for the course, but as a costumer I was doubly curious.
“Chintz” was a type of printed cotton produced in India, The Calico Acts (1700, 1721) banned the import of most cotton textiles into England, followed by the restriction of sale of most cotton textiles. It was a form of economic protectionism, largely in response to India (particularly Bengal), which dominated world cotton textile markets at the time. Parliament began to see a decline in domestic textile sales, and an increase in imported textiles from places like China and India. Seeing the East India Company and their textile importation as a threat to domestic textile businesses, Parliament passed the Calico Acts as an attack on textile importation. This is the same reasoning Elizabeth-1 enacted sumptuary statutes on “black dyed woolen hats.” But I leave that topic for another time! The point being is that protecting English trade by banning certain imports was not a new device.
During the 18th century the monetary system in the colonies was in pounds shilling and pence. There were 20 Shillings to the pound and 12 Pence per Shilling. Also at the same time each colony had their own currency system. For instance the New York pound was worth 30% less than British sterling, with a NY shilling equivalent to only 8 pence sterling instead of the usual 12. Among the list of goods purchased on the 7th of May 1793 according to the bill of sale pictured, is a 14 x yards length of ‘Fancy Chintz’. It cost 3 shillings 9 pence per yard with the total cost coming to two pounds, twelve shillings and 6 pence.
Now, do not quote me as an expert. I’ve drawn my information from several on-line sources and it’s been suggested that these prices are very likely listed at wholesale, or purchased for “cost,” as the buyers themselves were merchants and would mark it up to make a profit.
Let’s consider wages in the time period of 1773 thereabouts. According to what I’ve been able to source on-line, the average wage for a farmer would be about 10 pounds per year. A day laborer, or farm hand, would make about 6 shillings per month. When you work out the comparison using wages of each era and try to calculate how much ONE yard of chintz would cost, it appears that it was equivalent to approximately three quarters of a day’s wage (in 1793).
Depending on the width of the fabric a typical round gown, which is a gown that isn’t split up the front and worn with a decorative petticoat, would take about 6 yards or more. I’m making that estimate based on what “I” would purchase for a textile that is 45" wide. That means the cost of ONE gown would equal to about a week’s wages! HOLY COW!
For us in 2021, cotton is an inexpensive textile. A polished cotton or chintz now days costs about $20 a yard. The brown and ivory fabric I used in the recent gown I shared cost about $19 a yard because it was a historical reproduction, but on average printed cottons cost about $10 a yard, while wool fetches a price of anywhere from $25 to $40 a yard! In the 18th century wool would have been much more affordable than cotton chintz or calico.
I’ve included some of my FAVORITE cotton prints that I’m anxious to have an opportunity to use on a robe a’ la polonaise! They are ALL available on Spoonflower. They are NOT historical reproductions, but… close enough to pass some prints from the 18th Century.
Just received pictures from my client who commissioned this gown from me. She wore it to an 18th Century themed garden party. With my techniques, I draft my own bodices and you don’t need to have a live fitting! Choose your favorite print! This particular print is produced by Colonial Williamsburg called “Brandied Raisin.”
NEXT UP on my commission schedule is this Season 5 Claire Fraiser ensemble! I sourced this gorgeous Herringbone 100% tweed wool. It’s going to be GORGEOUS! This is the first of two such ensembles on my schedule! Listing includes waistcoat, linen pleated skirt, and apron.
It’s been wisely said that, “friendship interferes with a business relationship by keeping people from making the right business choices for the sake of the friendship.” Kind of like closing the barn door after the cow escapes, but yeah, I definitely agree…NOW. There are plenty more witty quotes that warn against the pitfalls of mixing friendships with business. So, what does my dumbass do? - I mixed a friendship with my business. Two years ago I brought a friend to work with me as an apprentice, and it blew up back in March 2021 and bit me in the arse - BIG TIME!
So, why doesn’t it work? - I ask myself rhetorically, then elbow my intuition when it says, “Told you so.”
In my personal experience, mixing friendship with business blurred the professional boundaries, and led to multiple abuses on the part of my “friend,” i.e., calling out sick for “PMS,” or other reasons that would never be acceptable if that person were NOT a “friend.” They also may not respect your authority because the person disciplining them for, let’s say, unacceptable communication, or sub-standard work, is the same person they were drinking with at the pub last weekend, or chilling on the patio for a BBQ. In a word, friends (or family) can take advantage of the relationship and feel that the rules don’t apply to them, leaving you to choose between taking care of the friendship rather than taking care of your business! I could NOT have anticipated the horrific outcome at the end of that working relationship, and it’s left me gobsmacked.
The foundations of friendships (or with a family member) and that of subordinate and superior are inherently different. How does a child act as the superior to a parent they hire to work for them? And vise versa, how does a child work for a parent without dragging their interpersonal baggage into the workplace? The same is true of a friendship. In a friendship, the continued existence of that relationship depends on whether both parties can successfully maneuver the intricacies of a friend being placed in the position of a subordinate. But, in my opinion, I think it’s RARE to truly keep your business relationship and your interpersonal relationship separate. I would venture to say it’s close to impossible. One way or the other, your friendship will bleed into the working relationship and it can spell DRAMA and betrayal in the end. Mixing interpersonal relationships with business involves a lot of compromise on the part of both persons, and if one lacks in communication skills and does not respect boundaries, it’s doomed to blow up in your face, as it did for me. Not only does it bring hardship to the business when the relationship ends, but you lose that friendship.
No matter how close the friendship, when you mix business and friendships, the primary consideration should always be what is best for the business. In a perfect world, the business should be treated as an entity separate from the friendship and that distinction needs to be laid out plainly and diligently protected! – and respected by both parties. What happens when the work relationship becomes problematic because that person is not delivering what was expected? Well, I can tell you this much: When it get’s rough, and it will, you cannot rely on the “honor system” you expect from a friend (or a close relative). To save the business, it can involve losing your friend – More especially if that friend doesn’t respect the boundaries that are inherently different in a business setting than they would be whilst slamming wine-coolers at a BBQ.
I’m sure there are plenty of examples where friends and family members have successfully maneuvered the boundaries of business and interpersonal relationships. That said, not all relationships (or people) are evolved enough to handle being placed in a position as a subordinate to their friend, so it will take careful consideration when, or if, you choose to mix the two. The most important part when mixing business and interpersonal relationships, ESPECIALLY if you are the business owner and you extend a friend an opportunity in your business, is to make sure both of you have similar expectations and values - - AND that you write it out in a contract and have both parties sign it!
Where Did I Go Wrong?: Let me recount the ways.
When my business grew to the point that I could not singularly keep up with the demand for commission inquiries, I put the intention out there in the universe that I needed a very particular person to bring on as an unpaid apprentice (with the intention of them graduating to a sub-contractor). First of all, I don’t get paid by the hour, and therefore, cannot afford to pay an hourly wage. I get paid by the pattern piece, i.e., how many pieces in any respective garment that I physically sew together. Most of the time I take a 20% non-refundable deposit to hold a reservation on my schedule, but I don’t get paid until the commission is complete and ready to ship. So it can take 4 or 5 months before I am paid in full. That meant that any candidate for an apprentice would have to possess a deep passion for costuming rather than money being the motivation. It also meant I cannot afford to pay for “student” work, so any candidate I chose would have to approach an apprenticeship with an attitude of “I’m taking classes.” Unless you take out student loans and grants, students are not compensated for attending class. The compensation as an apprentice in my studio was the opportunity to work side-by-side with someone more knowledgeable, with the expectation that eventually, when said apprentice possess the requisite skills and knowledge, that they can eventually begin to take on work as a “monitored” sub-contractor and bill the client directly for their labor.
In my… well… let’s just call it for what it was…DESPERATION…I took on an apprentice after becoming acquainted through our local Renfaire. I’d been searching for about two years, so when the opportunity presented itself, I took it as a sign from the universe. Boy was I naïve. This person joined our renfaire as a cast member in the Queen’s household (of which I was an administrator). I noted her impulsivity and propensity to be overly enthusiastic and run with an idea without seeking permission through the established chain of command, but I didn’t question how that would come in to play in our working relationship, or in a relationship of superior and subordinate. Her pattern of impulsivity and disregard for procedure wasn’t interpreted by me as the red flag it should have been. Had I been listening to my instincts rather than the desire to be able to take on more work, this pattern would have served as the warning it turned out to be. I see now in the aftermath of the implosion that took place how it should have been.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags: NOW you tell me!
In the early stages of our working association, she appeared enthusiastic – overly so, resulting in me having to rein her in and reiterate the instructions to: “slow down,” and “ask questions.” I told her if she’d never made a certain item before she needed to stop and ask first rather than blunder through and construct it the way she “thought” it might need to be done, she needed to seek guidance about the way I had established it to be done. I would, unfortunately, end up repeating that same instruction ad nauseum throughout her tenure with me. The longer she worked with me, and more especially after about a year or more when she was allowed to begin to take on work as a subcontractor (which was to be done ONLY in my studio under my supervision), she began to ignore that directive more and more. I found myself in the unique and extremely uncomfortable situation of choosing whether or not to say, “It doesn’t meet the same standards as my work, please do it again,” and feeling hesitant to discourage her or coming off as bitchy or overly perfectionistic for fear of how it would affect the friendship. I walked a fine line between necessary criticism and her over sensitivity to that kind of feedback.
I cannot tell you how MANY times when I was learning to sew at the side of my grandmother she told me, “Pick it out, Chrissie.” It was frustrating, and I would moan in complaint, but I always did it because she was never harsh in her criticism but would explain where I had made the mistake and show me how to correct it. In consequence, THIS is how I teach. I always lead with positive affirmation. But there are some personalities who are overly sensitive to any criticism and no matter how you attempt to moderate your tone, or what medium you choose to communicate, they will take it harshly. It became exhausting maneuvering around her bruised psyche. Any other supervisor would not have made the effort. See where I’m going with this?
I also had deadlines constantly looming that placed me in a predicament of letting work go out that wasn’t “perfect” but was “passing.” I HATED being placed in that situation because I am a perfectionist, and the only way to learn is to learn by making mistakes. But I didn’t have TIME for her mistakes – nor could I afford for her to continue to waste fabrics and supplies! Because of this, a pattern began to develop that became increasingly more problematic. I purposefully took on EXTRA work with the intention of sub-contracting out the labor to her, so I “needed” her help. But by virtue of the friendship, an attitude of “I’ll get it done when I get it done,” began to emerge. Now, I don’t know if that was her actual intention, but it certainly began to appear as such. When I allowed her to take hand sewing home, such as working on the edging of a pair of stays, she began to hold on to the work at home but not actually finish it. I told her that after putting in 6 to 8 hours here in my studio I did not expect her to stay up all night and finish the handwork, but if she took work home there was an expectation on my part that she would return it within a few days. Now she was only in my studio 3 to 4 days a week (at least the last year of her affiliation). While I certainly appreciated when she worked in the evenings after her job as the manager of a Super Cuts, or on the weekend, I did not expect it. But, it became an issue when her turn-around times to complete the hand sewing began to take longer, and longer, and LONGER; spanning weeks at a time!
Now, I should mention just for the sake of reference that I can hand sew the edging on a full pair of stays in about 12 hours. She had worked with me over a year before she felt comfortable enough to tackle a pair of stays. While her hand sewing was NOT as neat as mine (even at the end of the relationship), I did make some allowances for the sake of not discouraging her by picking a part her work. I continually had to check in with myself by asking: is it unacceptable because it looks different than yours, or does she have the capability of doing better? She did make progress in her hand stitching with my instruction, but there were definitely times I asked her to fix it, OR I would pick out her work and redo it. There were times I didn’t tell her, which in hindsight was a mistake on my part. Re-doing her work was NOT an efficient use of my time, nor was it conducive to her instruction, but my clients’ satisfaction is my highest priority, so you can see the conundrum I found myself.
In the end, I was trying to avoid upsetting “her” and not cause more DRAMA because she was intent on a scorched earth scenario to punish me for daring to tell her “No.” Many times I was too hesitant to say anything “in the moment,” but would later ruminate on it after the fact, and THEN a day or so later after scolding myself for being too bloody kind, I would be forced to bring it up and say, “I changed my mind,” or just fix it when she left for the day. I should mention, that if she were not a friend I would have set much stricter boundaries about quality control. So why didn’t I do that with HER? I’m still trying to figure that one out!! It all boils down to two VERY different personality types, and the fact that my communication skills and knowledge about emotional IQ was far more advanced. Rather than avail herself of my knowledge in effective communication she was the type of person who did not respond to “touchy feely shit,” as she called it. More often than not, I feared poking the bear. What would I do if I was too critical and she walked out in a huff or quit? *HEAVY SIGH* So, the problem wasn’t that I didn’t know HOW to communicate, it was how that communication would be received on any given day, or “which side” of her personality showed up that day.
The breakdown of the relationship ultimately occurred when I allowed her to take on a client’s commission for two 18th century men’s court ensembles for an event at Versailles Palace in France. She was actually doing VERY well on lining up the embroidery, and construction of the outer portion of the jackets and waistcoat pieces, UNTIL she decided that she had the RIGHT to argue with my instructions and design aesthetics. I told her, for instance, “Make sure you add a layer of stabilizer to the lining.” She balked and said, “I wasn’t planning on adding stabilizer.” Now this wasn’t a statement with a silent question mark at the end, this was an “I’m not going to do it” kind of statement. This began happening more and more and I was at a loss “in the moment” how to deal with it. I was walking a tightrope between a friend and my business, and I wasn’t putting the business first. Rather than ASK me why I felt the interlining needed to be stabilized (since it was silk) she simply made the decision to ignore my instruction and ultimately bulldozed forward with the work at her home without seeking any instruction and using ad hoc techniques when she ran into a problem she didn’t know how to deal with.
But you see, by the time things began to actively boil, I had finally put my foot down on this project and told her I had the final say in ALL design and construction and If I say “do it” she needs to do it and not argue. I mean, who does that? Who tells the owner of the business “No?” Who thinks they have the right to argue? - A FRIEND. I had 40 years of experience under my belt, 20 in historical costume, she had TWO! But you see, her ego was writing checks her abilities and knowledge could not cash, and I was becoming more and more concerned about the work piling up. COVID did a number on my business. I stayed JUST as busy, but buying basic supplies was problematic, and it put me behind by about 4 or 5 months, which is unheard of for me! I always make my deadlines. ALWAYS.
Things kind of happened quickly, like dominos. One drops and knocks over the the other and pretty soon sets off a chain reaction. THE FINAL implosion came when we ran into a situation wherein we both needed to use my sewing machine. I had stated in the beginning that ALL work done on the machine needed to be done in my studio. This was not just because she did not have a good machine at home, it was so that I could continue to oversee the quality of her work. I have a semi-pro Juki straight stitch machine that will sew through leather. In the past she had talked about one day purchasing one. Also, in passing conversation last year I mentioned that I was thinking of moving out of Washington. My daughter wants to relocate to Vermont because the cost for horse property here in WA would cost us in excess of about 2 million dollars! I mentioned that there was no set plans and that it would be 4 or 5 years if we did make that decision. I mentioned that if by then she was trained enough that I was considering letting her subcontract work at home and use Skype or Zoom for any teaching or instruction. This was just a passing conversation mind you!
So when we found ourselves both in need of using my machine one day in March, without consulting with me she took it upon herself to go out and purchase a machine exactly like mine for about $1400 if I’m not mistaken – even though you can get them much cheaper from other sources. But here’s where her long-standing pattern of impulsivity, disrespect for proper chain of command, and her lack of boundaries came into play. She showed up one Saturday afternoon while I was working in my studio and announced, “Guess what I did?” She then proceeded to inform me that she had purchased a machine of her own. Now, we had discussed this possibility in the past two years but I had stated she would need to bring her machine into the studio. Remember, all her machine work needed to be monitored for quality control. Why? While she was making progress, her work was often inconsistent. My expectation was that she would bring her machine into the studio, but SHE had other plans. I honestly believe she felt because she was doing so well on the outer construction of these 18th century coats that she was READY to solo; and in fact, that was her exact expectation. She set up her new machine at home and in the days following the purchase of her machine (before she was scheduled to appear at my studio the following Wednesday), she began construction on the coat pockets at home without my knowledge and without my guidance.
Now, for those who’ve followed me for a while you might remember that I said I’m extremely intuitive? – which is why I’m so mad at myself for not honoring my intuition and setting hard boundaries much earlier. She’s run roughshod over me for two years now, and I wasn’t having it anymore. I sent her a Marco Polo (a video message app) and I set a hard boundary as I mentioned above. I thought that this mode of communication would make it easier to say what needed to be said because both of us were spared the discomfort that usually followed when I DID speak out. So, after I set CLEAR boundaries about who was in charge, I further explained that if it was her intention to start working predominately at home and only coming into the studio when there was embroidery to do or pick up supplies (YES! I was supplying her with ALL the notions and supplies for construction!) then she needed to know that I was not in agreement with that. I told her if coming to work in my studio wasn’t working for her any longer then we would finish the work on the books, and I would cut back and only take those commissions that I could physically handle. I told her to take a couple of days to talk it over with her boyfriend and we would talk on Wednesday about what she decided.
She came in that Wednesday visibly angry and became insubordinate when I attempted to discuss her assumption that I would agree to her working at home on MY client’s commissions without first seeking my approval. She defended herself by bringing up our conversation last year about her working from home “if” i moved out of state. I told her, “Yeah, four or five years down the road!” But she had just assumed that I would be fine with her moving up that time table. She refused to listen and then proceeded to gaslight me, stating that because I had sent her a message via Marco Polo, rather than waiting until she came in on Wednesday, that our working relationship was OVER. I looked at her in shock and said, “So NOW you’re gas lighting me, turning this around to blame ME rather than accept accountability for your actions?” She then proceeded to THREATEN that if I continued to try to discuss these issues with her she was walking out. She went so far as to gather up the coat pieces and started to pack them up! I was stunned! I said, “So let me get this straight. You’d rather QUIT than admit you were wrong for making assumptions about MY business?” Needless to say, she refused to answer and scowled and pouted like a five year old!
I have to say I was actually relieved that she quit. Her attitude and her attendance had become more and more problematic. I had set a boundary with her back in January when she, once again, texted me and said “Just woke up. I feel like crap.” Now she’d complained the day before that she was having PMS (i.e., premenstrual mood swings) and would call out ONCE A MONTH for that reason. Having had a craw full of her taking advantage of our friendship in such a manner (something that wouldn’t be acceptable in any other professional setting, nor was it behavior she would tolerate from her own employees as a manager at Super Cuts), I texted her back stating: “Me too. I woke up with a migraine. Took two Aleeve and two RedBulls. Soldier on.” That was actually the beginning of the end. She was PISSED that I told her to work through her PMS like I do the chronic pain I live with on a 24/7 basis. She even admitted it. That’s when her attitude began to shift, but it was when she was allowed to work on the 18th century ensembles that she became more increasingly uncooperative and argumentative. There’s a saying in the south that describes that behavior: She got too big for her britches.
She didn’t stay long that Wednesday, and no-showed for her scheduled workday the following day, and the day after, without so much as a courtesy text or a Marco Polo - which was also a long-standing issue! During those two days after she bought her machine and set up her sewing room at her home, she took it upon herself to sew the pocket bags into the coats without my permission and installed them incorrectly! She had one a full ½ inch off from the other. This was the SECOND time she’d made that same exact mistake! Rather than measure carefully and line them up exactly using a tape measure and a ruler, she eyeballed them and messed it up. We had to hide this mistake beneath the pocket flap! These ensembles were going to be worn and photographed at Versailles Palace! Half-assing construction like that horrified me! Now, she’d already installed the pocket bags, which meant the outer coat where the pocket “slit” was installed had been CUT. The only recourse to correcting her mistake would have been to buy more fabric and start over! But now there wasn’t time for that! It took four months for her to embroider those coats because she only comes in three days a week and our relationship had now melted down.
Not only did she mess up the pockets, because she was too busy behaving like a petulant, rebellious child and refused to seek my advice, she ran across a problem she didn’t know how to deal with and she “added” embroidery floss to the underside of the buttonholes because she had ignored my advice to stabilize the lining, and she said the fabric was too flimsy around the buttonholes! It was a spiderweb looking mess!!! Yes, it was in the inside, but had she LISTENED to me initially or asked me what to do I could have offered her a better alternative. Once again, I was placed in the position that I had to consider my deadlines and make a decision if the work was “passable” or if I needed to step in and fix it. Initially I said nothing because the tension between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I ruminated on it for a day, then ultimately decided I was FINISHED allowing her to bully me and told her I needed her to bring back the ensembles so that I could inspect them further, because I wasn’t happy with her workmanship. She REFUSED. She said, “you had plenty of time to inspect them previously,” and then proceeded to hold the client’s property hostage and tried to extort the client and me! She demanded she be given the client’s billing information before she would return the ensembles for me to “fix.” She knew more than likely she was going to be held liable for her shoddy work, in fact I told her that I would be deducting my labor from what was owed. I was angry but I tried to be reasonable.
The client agreed to release his billing info if she would agree to return his property to me immediately. I offered to write it on a piece of paper and make the exchange with a neutral third party. She refused all fair and reasonable offers, and stated, “I guess we’re at a standoff.” For two weeks I spent searching for an attorney, but ultimately was told that because there was no contract there wasn’t a great deal I could do. On the flip side, neither could she! Not real comforting when your client’s property is being held hostage and the clock is ticking. She was counting on that! She knew there was a short deadline and that their event in France was fast approaching.
After two weeks wherein she had made no effort whatsoever to cooperate and refused to respond to my texts, the client and I put our heads together and we decided that perhaps she might be more reasonable if HE texted her and in essence sent her a demand letter. She kept demanding his PayPal ID in order to bill him for the work, and we agreed. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with giving in to her extortion, but at the time we had no choice – which she was ultimately counting on. I pause in this telling to state how devastated I was by her vicious 180 degree reversal wherein she turned against me! I was stunned by the depths of her vitriol and the pettiness of her retaliation – simply for having set boundaries with her!
But you see, Karma has a way of sorting things out. Due to COVID my clients received word that their event was postponed, so she had lost her leverage. About the same time as the client received that notice from Versailles, I was made aware of a situation she had created with another client! At the end of 2019, she took on a commission for a mutual friend at our faire to make him a doublet, hat, and shirt. She begged me to allow her to take the lead on that project and I wanted to see what she was capable of producing. So, I stepped back and let her make design decisions and color combination of black with silver embroidery (which the client ultimately wasn’t happy with). She spent the next year or more doing multiple revisions, even starting over with four different sets of sleeves as well as the torso of the doublet, because she didn’t have the knowledge to do a proper fitting. Every time I tried to intervene, she would snap at me. Ultimately, I was in the dark about the client’s dissatisfaction. To put a finer point on it, she actually didn’t allow the client to try on the garment after each revision. He lived close to her so she would just drop it off on her way home, and when I would ask her if she took pictures so I could judge the fit, she lied and said she forgot to take them, and stated the client was happy! He was NOT happy.
In the meantime, after multiple revisions and the garment still didn’t fit, she lied to him and stated, “Christine says it’s as good as it’s going to get,” and essentially abandoned the client who had spent $1100 for a doublet, shirt and hat that DID NOT FIT! In what reality would I ever tell a client that? NONE! So, I offered to make it right for him, and stated I would remake the entire order at my expense. Look, I’ve spent enough time in customer service training to know that statistically speaking one unhappy client will tell TEN other people about their experience, and indeed, unbeknownst to me it was already being whispered about that I had authorized the crap she had produced, so I had to do some quick talking and negotiating because my reputation was on the line! I knew damn well at this stage I would never recover the damages, but I invoiced her anyway for the $1200 (I had to buy fabric @ $30 a yard and other notions).
So, after the “Versailles” client texted her and gave her his PayPal ID, rather than honor her agreement to return the ensembles to me, she raised her demands! She was now demanding that she be allowed for the payment to go through BEFORE she returned the client’s property to me! Regardless of how angry I was, I was still offering to allow her to at least bill for half of her labor, after informing her that the client’s event in France had been postponed for a year. I informed her about the damage I incurred in the interim from the client she had abandoned and told her I would be deducting the $1200 from any outstanding balances she was to bill the clients. Just like all the other fair and reasonable attempts to garner a response, she ignored me.
The client and I let another 24 hours pass, and when she failed to respond, I then wrote and informed her that we decided to cut our losses, that she had over played her hand, and that rather than try to negotiate any further with an extortionist, I would be remaking the client’s 18th Century ensembles and she could keep those she had made - and get NOTHING. I should have felt some kind of vindication over that turn of events, but now I had to set aside 6 months out of my schedule to clean up her mess rather than taking new clients who had contacted me. Let me be clear. I happily made the offer to remake these three commissions, it’s just damned frustrating that it is going to take me a FULL year to recover. Not only did I have to refund one client on my books and cancel the order, but I had to contact ALL 20 clients on my books and explain that I am having to spread out work meant for two people over the next several months, and now half my 2022 schedule is full! - Which means I will have to turn away work!
I’m frustrated yes, but I’m stunned by her callousness and the realization that she was never the person I esteemed her to be. No true friend would have turned on me the way she did and scorched the earth to try to hurt me and my business. And for what? Because she didn’t get her way? So in the end, I not only lost a friend, but I’ve also lost in excess of about $1652 in damages all because I mixed friendship with business.
Don’t be Afraid to Establish or Re-establish Boundaries and Expectations:
It’s not fair to you, nor is it ultimately fair to the friend you bring into your business, not to set strict boundaries up front and revisit them often. Now, I DID have a contract I had drawn up and she did review it, but I relied on my expectation of her trustworthiness rather than my intuition BECAUSE she was my friend. I feared offending her. Surely, she wouldn’t abuse my trust? – She’s my friend! If you can’t trust your friends, who CAN you trust? – Right? WRONG!
If I had it to do over again, I would have had her sign the contract EVEN if she were offended. If she had become offended that would have been a HUGE red flag! I also would have held evaluations a minimum of four times a year wherein I sat down and reviewed her performance with her and communicate where I saw she needed improvement, as well as where I saw she had made progress and I would have put it in WRITING. I would have also insisted she keep a journal of the techniques I taught her. Instead, I kept a running dialog with her with the expectation she would remember and follow them.
In the end I take responsibility for not setting hard and fast boundaries and establishing my position as “the buck stops with me.” Looking back I would make her accountable for every mistake she made.
So, take heed of this precautionary tale. Business and interpersonal relationships do NOT mix. What’s the lesson you might ask? Well, clearly I need to bone up on my self-assertion skills for women, but I will never, EVER take on another apprentice let alone someone who is a friend. This means that my availability will be less, and I will have to go back to being booked out a year in advance. But flying solo is the only way to ensure my clients commissions are of the highest quality.
In the end I think John D. Rockefeller has the right of it: “A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on a friendship.” I have made “friendships” from clients. They’ve become CLOSE friends as a matter of fact. All of these relationships have worked out with the exception of ONE. I wrote about it here on my blog over a year ago (”When it all goes South”). But bringing friends into your business from my experience is just a recipe for disappointment and will result in the death of that friendship.
18th Century Robe a’ la Polonaise commission. I’ve been missing in action this past year! COVID has wrecked havoc on my schedule. Finally catching up. This gown just went out.
