#diary entry
Love didn’t come for me when I wanted it to. Now it is too late…
1.11
There is no bigger loneliness than to desperately want something you can never have.
01.34
I wish I could sleep forever, dreaming of a love I know I can never have.
23.45
Love has become so superficial.
00.24
Nowadays people hate everything and love nothing.
08.13
God doesn’t give a fuck who you fuck.
And love was found at the place I least expected.
10.20
You only stop dreaming when you’re dead.
22.11
Maybe I’m the one that doesn’t know how to love.
21.37
His mercy has no limits.
18.30
The person you are willing to save at any cost is the one that’s going to kill you in the end.
18.10
Only a normal person would think that being normal is a good thing.
17.43
I want to whisper my love to you under a starry sky and a summer’s night breeze.
15.04
Love was always something I gave, never something I recieved.
05.16
I want to be seen so badly but if it did happen would anyone even like me?
21.07
As if I was the only person in the world who didn’t deserve love.
18.05
It’s like destiny is constantly delaying my life.
23.46
Why do I always go back to the point of wanting to kill myself?
23.21
Meeting someone you love that loves you back is not that easy.
14.11
-diary entry from 15.12.21
Overnight, I became the friend that will make personalised playlists for people’s birthdays, the friend that will ask you how you were at every silent moment in a conversation, because it’s a question that isn’t asked enough, the friend that won’t go a day without seeing you because she misses your face, despite the fact she didn’t know you before September, the friend that will get up and dance the second Ode To A Conversation Stuck In Your Throat plays, or Sex by The 1975, and will grab the hands of the closest person and get them to dance too, the friend that will knock first so you can speak, the friend that will talk to the Year 13s because they seem so scary despite being only a year older than you, the friend that walk you down to the coffee shop because you were going on your own, the friend that says hate is a strong word, but uses ‘love’ as easily as connectives, the friend that will ask you if you want to talk, because she’s there to listen, the friend that will be the first to apologise, the friend that will write poetry about you at 3am, and post it anonymously on Tumblr, the friend that confidence comes easily to, the friend with a god complex, despite hating herself, the friend that tells you that she dreamt of you the night before, despite it being a complete lie, the friend that will lie and cheat to get her own way, the friend that will manipulate and deceive just to remind everyone that she isn’t really thatfriend, because how could anyone have thatfriend? No one has her, really. She’s a Manic Pixie Dream Girl that’s trying too hard for the purpose of something that doesn’t even exist. She was none of these people four months ago. I wish I never had thatfriend. I think I’d kill her. She’d drive me mad.