#excerpts from the story i will never write

I say I am okay,
I say that I am fine,
But it is in my habit to lie,
Truth be told I wanted to scream help me!

It is hard,
I live in my head,
No where to escape,
Please help me!

I am drowning,
I can’t breathe,
Tears fill my lungs,
I am begging you to help me.

I wish for people to come,
But no one ever does, 
I can’t fight anymore,
It is now too late to help me. 

People wonder what went wrong,
But it is too late now,
They should have come,
I tried to beg for them to help me. 

Life is brittle,
We must care for it,
No one knows how hard it gets,
The smallest thing will make me snap.

My heart shatters,
It snaps as easy as a bone,
Pressure make me fall apart,
My bonds are brittle.

Too much heat I melt,
Too much cold I snap,
Too much anything I die,
I struggle to stay together.

I need constant love and affection,
I need reminder of my worth,
I am needy,
But without reminders I snap.

I am brittle,
I am sensitive,
Please treat me with care,
Otherwise I might just snap.

My writings are me,
They express the deepest emotions,
Show my deepest flaw,
I let people in.

I do all I can to numb the ache,
The more I write the more I hurt,
My pain needs an escape,
The only one I have left are words.

Without words I am nothing,
All I can do is self destruct,
Maybe everyone should write a little bit more,
And hate a little bit less. 

Nobody cares,
My fate is irrelevant to all,
Nobody will miss me when I am gone,
So what is the point?

Nobody likes me,
Everyone wants me gone,
Nobody wants for me to stay,
I see no point.

My mind wins,
I no longer care,
No one wants me,
I see it as a favour to them.

I bleed out,
My body weak,
My heart not beating,
I am gone.

Only now have I realised people care,
People sob over my death,
Begging it to all be a dream,
Only I will never return.

I killed myself in the thought no one cared,
But people did,
The only one who didn’t care was me.
Now I am gone nothing will be the same.

It creeps in, 
Skewing my perspective of the world,
The vision is tainted black,
The world dark and hollow. 

My world shrinks,
I can see nothing,
Nothing but the endless expanse of black,
I never see the light only the dark.

Never to see colour again,
My hope has diminished,
In a world so light I have no choice,
The only way is to leave the black.

I face my fate,
I kick the chair away,
Finally the black is gone,
Replaced with an endless expanse of blinding white nothingness. 

I take in each breathe,
Gasping for air,
My airways strain,
My palms sweat,
I have lost control.

I take my nails to my skin,
Blood oozes from my hand,
My nails won’t be enough,
I need a blade,
I have lost control.

My blood flows,
I cannot stop,
The pain leaves my body,
With it what was left of me is gone,
I have lost control

Nothing has a purpose,
I might as well quit,
No more pain will be nice,
In my death,
I have finally gained control.