#excerpts from my life
I was in love with the idea, not the man. And in the end, ideas stay with us longer than any man ever could.
My Heart Bleeds Poetry #39
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
I don’t think I ever really loved you the right way. But then again you never really loved me at all.
My Heart Bleeds Poetry #38
Charlene Pablo
“I often have to remind myself that you’re not a part of my life anymore.”
- My Heart Bleeds Poetry #37
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
“I often wonder … was it love that changed me, or was it heartbreak?”
My Heart Bleeds Poetry #36
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
“I sometimes forget that you’re not really mine.”
- My Heart Bleeds Poetr #35
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
You deserve someone that won’t leave even when it’s hard to breathe.
The thoughts are destroying me, the silence is deadly.
In the end I realized you weren’t the one for me, but damn, I really wanted you to be.
I still remember how beautiful you and I were. Our love radiating off our faces. Back when the world was still alive.
You can’t love yourself if you hurt others.
There is such uniqueness about taking public transport. You are in this kind of ambulant ephemeral something until you reach your final destination, and you don’t feel the necessity to share anything because let us be honest, isn’t everyone streaming within their heads already?
The feminine urge to let down my whole career, run away and start over as a farmer in a cottage somewhere.
Darling, I know how to be like everyone else, except for myself. I’m still trying to figure ‘em out. It’s a battle between feeling like a poser and loving my authentic self. Like, Am I who I say I am? Am I who they said I am? Am I who God says I am? Seriously…who am I exactly?
I took a trip down memory lane and stopped by a former love’s spot in my heart. I reminisced about the days of old while droping off a box of sorted emotions. And as I left, I closed the door without slamming it. Instead, I smiled while shaking off the dust of the past, healing.
Darling, with you, I am. Without you, I am. Henceforth, I am and will always be.
Words have power.
I come from a background where so many people have wandered in and out of my life, speaking to, at, over, and into me and my journey. Some negative and some positive. Some curses and some blessings. Some false and some true. I really struggled with comprehension and gaining a proper understanding of their impact. It wasn’t until I listened to the small whisper and discovered my own narrative, that I was able to “chew the meat and spit out the bones” of what occurred in the past and come out of it a better person.
So, cheers to the struggle, the discoveries, and the journeys this life has brought me. I am proud of myself because I did everything everyone said I never could. I became everything I’m not to truly become everything I am and will become…Now, I can add self taught “Writer, Poet, & Author” to my resume. Except, this isn’t just what I do but, a part of who I am. This dream is now a reality. I have seen something spiritual become physical and manifest it’s blessings to those around me.
My first poetry collection - ETHEREAL LOVE by Kid Gills - coming really soon.
This is me. Love me or Leave me. This is who I am. This is all I have to offer at the moment. It’s not much but, it’s something. And, to be present in this place, conscious of this moment, full with these emotions, doing what I do while learning, believing in something greater with the best intentions, focused on my health, wealth, growth, and well being - amongst the ones who love and support me the most…this is all I need…this is all I have…this is where I belong…I’m good. I’m content. That’s all that matters.
My spirit believed and understood, before my soul felt an emotion or processed things, and my body decided to react or respond.
I don’t know what I need right now. All I know is that I’m trying my best to be present, to act and do as I am supposed, to show up, to make a different, and to make an impact. But, I often wonder if I’m doing all of this for the right reason. Am I truly on the right path? I know the difference between good and evil, right and wrong, pressure and force. But, does this feel right to me? Am I happy where I am? Sometimes, I have trouble tapping into my own core or take heed from my source due to my focus on everything else. I don’t know what I need right now. But, I know I want to breathe a bit more. I want to go back to my roots. Get grounded in my culture. Get acquainted with this person that I am and also am becoming. Who are you? What are you about? What do you believe - about the world? about your surroundings? about yourself? I want to know all about you. How do you feel? Where have you been or where would you like to go? What are you doing or would like to do? What is your purpose, goals, and mission? I don’t know what I need. But, I know it’s not pain. It’s not sorrow. It’s not horror. It’s not degrading or disrespectful. It’s not disturbing or offensive. It isn’t greed or manipulation. I can seek it out and find it. I can live and arrive to it. It’s not necessarily today or even tomorrow. It just is, what it is. I don’t know what I need. But, what I truly need…I deserve and want it.
“There’s something constantly swirling inside my head—the persistent questions of attempting to fix what is broken. Dealing with everything at once uses an immense amount of energy, but leaves me empty, desperately wanting to change the deepest parts of myself to make all of the pieces fit.
Reminiscing on an old life, an old personality. The pain of loneliness cuts too deep, a reminder of growth from adolescence, but losing myself in the process. Sometimes it’s dangerous to miss my old self. Being content in my skin and having the ability to control the things around me. Now I want to tear away, shed my skin like a snake and become someone else.
The continuous scrutiny from my old life is a reminder of why relationships fell apart the way that they did—painful and unexpected. Expectations began to crumble with age, eyes that view the world in colors changed to only seeing black and white. People who were made to believe that they were irreplaceable said farewell. Ghosts from the past continue to linger.
And I read a book that dealt with grief and it was relatable, even when no one passed. When my entire life shifted on its axis, that’s when I knew the words were relevant. The words that are repeated like a mantra: one day at a time. Even after I endure emotional blows, I’ll take it one day at a time. And until I feel the sadness slip away, I’ll keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time.”
—S.V//One Day at a Time//@sempiternal.poet on Instagram
you take my words away
— and yet i still try to write about you
“(he)is(art)”
— i (heart) him
the summer air
drives me back to the bittersweet memories
i had.
wind blowing through my hair
eyes closed
i reminisce them.
forvever and ever.
keep doing things you love, and love will come to you
i’m laying on his bed;
but all i can think about is the tiny bit
of wallpaper that is scraping off
in the corner by your bedroom door.
he’s cradling my fingers;
but all i can think about is the time
we were talking about the universe and
you absent-mindedly started
tracing stars on my hand.
he’s nuzzling my neck;
but all i can think about is the beautiful mark
you left on my collarbone after we got drunk
at 3am and snuck onto your neighbour’s roof.
he’s caressing my cheek;
but all i can think about is the cold touch
of your fingers that night and
i knew that you had slipped into the darkness
again
and my thighs weren’t warm enough for you.
he’s kissing my lips;
but all i can think about is the curve on your upper lip
and the time we made out for hours
and how you left a horrible taste in my mouth afterwards
because you had gone through two packs of marlboro that day
and how i stayed
even though you gave me every reason to leave
and now i can’t be in bed with a beautiful boy
who likes the way i speak
because all i can think about
is how chapped you left me,
just like your lips.
when you miss their hands on your thighs,
but not the way they never called you before going to bed;
it’s not real.
when you miss their fingers through your hair,
but not how they stayed up playing video games all night
instead of lying next to you;
it’s not real.
when you miss the longing stares shared at 3am
on their tiny bed, but not the crease around their eyes
as they tried to say sorry for the thousandth time;
it’s not real.
when you miss their legs wrapped around your waist,
but not their pleading voice as you walked out their door;
it’s not real.
it’s not real.
it’s not real.
it’s not real if you just miss their skin pressed against yours,
but fail to remember the many nights you spilled
your guts out onto the bathroom floor;
the nights you held them because the world was caving in
and they looked at you with soulless eyes;
the words that you threw like daggers
and your shared bed became a battle ground
and your love bites turned into defeated wounds;
it’s not real.
stop convincing yourself that it ever was.
the darkness, the madness
i’m attracted to the sadness
the discomfort in your eyes
every time your heart aches
the pain makes you insane
fills every corner of your brain
i want you under my veins
but i try so hard to refrain
mama told me to watch my steps
when it came to demons like you
but you take my breath away
every time you walk into the room
but you’re the devil fighting your demons
which makes you an angel in my eyes
you’re so lost, yet to serene
digging deep ends for a way to survive.
- i think your sad eyes are kinda nice | @heavyemptyheart
„There’s too many things inside my head. It leads me to the point where I question it all. Everything. Is that pain worth it. I can see the hope though. I hope that one day, these thoughts will be gone and I can finally smell the happiness, touch it and hear it. That hope keeps me going. The only thing that left.”
— healerorkiller
“It’s not the weight that breaks you but the way you lift it”
“There are too many broken hearts, so much hate, so many people that feel like dying. Everyone can make an impact. Be nice. Tell the pretty girl that you just passed that she looks beautiful, she might be going home to take care of her drunk parent. Be nice to the homeless man and ask if he needs something from the store. You never know why he’s at this state right now. Respect others, don’t be rude to this young waiter. He might take this job to help his mother to pay bills. One word or one action can change everything. Start today, be nice. You really can make world the better place. You have the power.”
— healerorkiller
You don’t know how hard I try and how much I care. I am passionate. I give all I have. I am sorry that you can’t see that. One day someone’s going to appreciate.
I want you to know that You were very important for me. You were my missing piece, my soulmate. I really loved everything about You. I am glad that you destroyed that.
“ -‘Oh, flowers again! I guess there’s someone out there that really adores you’ - said Paul slowly approaching me. ‘Yes, I bought them for myself’ - I answered smelling the scent of the bouquet of carnations I got from the flower shop near my house - ‘And I think I am going to buy them more often’ ”.
— healerorkiller
“The sea, the moon and us. Tell me the story I have heard million times before. Cover me with a blanket when I am cold. Let me look at your eyes in the moonlight. Touch my hand, whisper to my ear. Just you and me.”
— healerorkiller
If I say “leave me alone” then I mean it. I don’t want you to run after me and give me attention. I want you to leave me alone.
Smiling during the kiss is something that gets to me always. It turns me on.
Everytime I look at brown eyes I see yours. But not You.
Your insecurities, self doubt, opening up issues, emotional block, and many more psychological problems go way back to highschool. When at the building stage of life, you once tried to open up to someone and they got all confused and ended up laughing at you. That other time someone made fun of your skin colour. When someone laughed at your physical deficiency i.e just being not that pretty?
Which isn’t even a deficiency in the first place!! but that’s where insecurity and self doubt was embedded in your mind. That’s exactly where you were born to be really anxious about yourself. Your confidence just shatters, and you’re never able to reach your full potential until you pick yourself up. But its not that easy as it seems.. so hey, please just be nice to each other. Being kind to each other through speech, is really effective and healing to people who are suffering..
