My kindergartener has been having trouble sleeping and has been fighting me on going to school, unusual for him. I asked him what was wrong, he said he didn’t want to talk about it. I had my husband ask him and that’s when we found out the reason for all the odd behavior. He confided in my husband that he’s being bullied by a kid in his class and when they get sent to the bathroom the boy punches him in the head and kicks him. The bully goes so far that he even threatens that if my son speaks up it will only be worse the next day. My heart literally broke for him. It’s unbelievable that kids can be so cruel at 5 years old. As sorry as I felt for my son I felt bad for the boy that comes into school with so much rage and hatred that he would do that to his classmates. School no longer feels like a safe place for my 5 year old boy who may be strong and a fast runner but is the shortest kid in class. His innocence that I cherish may be the reason why he’s the target. My husband and I explained to him that if anyone ever for any reason hurts him we give him the ok to stand up for himself but in this case he’s so afraid that he just can’t. I wish I could walk into that school and pull that bully out by his ear. Why do we have to worry about bullying in kindergarten? Why are kids assholes at 5 years old? You get pregnant, give birth, love, care for the child, try to teach them right from wrong. When they start school you pray that you did enough for them to be on their own, pick their own friends, do the right thing. The thing you never expect and can’t prepare for is feeling helpless. I went to the school, met with the principal and teacher. Since there are no witnesses and my son didn’t “tell them” himself and according to them it happens after school hours, the principal said that it’s not the school’s responsibility but that she would follow up with the after school program that he attends. Walking out of that meeting I realized everything that is wrong with this world. Bruises on my 5 year olds ribs and back, are not enough “proof that is was done by the boy in his class”. So my question is what needs to happen for them to get involved? I was promised that they will no longer be allowed in the bathroom at the same time, that was pretty much the extent of the punishment. The sad thing is that my son holds his pee and avoids using the bathroom at school at all cost. Society makes such a big deal about bullying, but only when it’s too late.

Mother’s Day

In spirit of Mother’s Day I thought I would share my experience of having a second baby. How could I possibly love another child as much as I already loved my son. I wasn’t sure that I had any room in my heart. What I didn’t know is that I didn’t have to make room, my heart stretched to have not just some but the exact amount of love for my daughter as I already did for my son. My son will always hold a special place in my heart since he’s the one that made me a mama but I even though my daughter is not even 2 yet I can’t remember life without her. She’s been the perfect addition to our family. I’m not perfect, I don’t have my shit together but when I look at my kids and see how much they love each other I know I did something right and I feel blessed. Happy Mother’s day to all the mamas! Also the picture below was taken the day after I had an emergency c section and I’m so bloated from fluids I don’t even look like myself, but hey that’s real life!

I was wrong before…

Motherhood………… when I started this blog I had a list of all the hard things about motherhood. Like lack of sleep, privacy, freedom, alone time but i was wrong. The hard list consists of just one thing, a sick baby. I learned that the hard way. My happy little girl had a lump on the side of her neck. We took her to the ER and after lots of tests, procedures and IV’s were told that she has an infection in her lymph node and would need surgery. I held her while she fell asleep in my arms and then prayed the whole time she was in surgery. The doctors assured us that surgery went well. It was the longest hour of my life. That is the hardest thing about motherhood, I had it all wrong before. I complained about not being able to pee without someone starring at me or have a meal without an interruption. I thought that my C-section was the worst pain I have ever felt but it doesn’t even come close to the pain that I had when she was in surgery. 4 nights with no sleep, no shower, 27 cups of coffee, same clothes they let us take her home. The anxiety that I have been dealing with is hard to describe. Last night I had a panic attack and had to leave the house for a little bit. Being a mother of course I went to Target. Walked the isles, looked at stuff that I can’t afford or need, got my 28th coffee and went home. My daughter is 1 and she knew that mama was upset so she put her little hands over my cheeks and gently kissed my nose, If only I could freeze time.

PSA to parents

On the way to drop my son off at school we stopped to grab him a water at a convenience store. While at the store a woman walked up, grabbed my arm and said how gorgeous my son is. I thanked her, she started asking me how old he was I said he’s almost 8. At that point she turned to my son and asked him if he goes to school to which he said “yeah, I’m late now because we had to stop and get a drink”. She immediately asks “where do you go to school?”. That’s when I felt something being off. I ignored her question, told her that we are in a hurry and to have a good day. My son and I walked out of the store and she was watching us from her car. I purposely walked very slow to see if she was going to pull out and leave the parking lot but she only made a loop and parked back in the same spot. We got in our car, locked the doors and started to pull out and sure enough she’s right behind us. I took a quick left onto the main street knowing that she won’t have time to take a left to get right behind my car. Thank god for the 3 cars between us. I was starting to panic since I had to drop my son off at school which was less than a mile away but I did not want her to know what school he went to. I turned fast on to a small street hoping that she missed me. My heart was beating out of my chest. Call me crazy, call me paranoid but I trust my gut. My gut said something was off. Probably doesn’t help that I’ve seen so many tik toks lately about kids being abducted at stores. Bottom line is trust your intuition, it’s better to be wrong than sorry. I hate that we live in a world like this, I hate that if you are just being nice you might be judged for being a creep. I hate that I had to explain to my son that there are people out there that take kids away from their families. It’s so sad that at even at his young age he picked up on the weird feeling from the lady. I hope and pray that I am wrong, I hope that any other mother would do the same in this situation. Be aware, be on alert, protect your babies, they are the future. 3/2/22

I called my husband and my 4 year old daughter picked up. She said “hi mama, daddy is cleaning” I said that she’s a great receptionist to which she replied “ I’m the CEO”. Let’s all raise girls that dream big and think that anything is possible! 2/7/22