#fao blackwood
No. 16 - ON A NEED TO KNOW BASIS
recovery | scars | aftermath
It was strange, living with Fao. No longer living at, or sofa surfing from house to house, but with. He got to spend the early mornings in someone’s arms. Loved. Late nights were spent under the covers and added the fire to their relationship. He wasn’t knocking it, it was the best he’d had, if he was being honest, but there were different ways to be intimate.
Laying with Fao was the best part of being off shift, but it was rare they both had the same days off. It just made it more special, and Harrison was determined not to waste it.
He rolled over, gently shifting Fao’s hand from his waist. His boyfriend was still asleep, his hair over his face slightly. He watched him for a little while, until he decided he was being far too creepy, and tucked himself in Fao’s arms. His hand rested across Fao’s chest, his fingers hovering over the scars there. The scars he’d made. He swallowed thickly. Of course, not all of them were his, he knew that, but knew the other scars had an even worse story behind them.
Fao stirred after a few moments, stretching out and humming at the sight of his boyfriend curled up next to him.
“Mornin’.” He said, voice rough with sleep.
“Sorry.” He pulled back. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Mm, it’s ‘kay.”
“Did you want breakfast? I can go make something?” He offered.
“You mean burn something? Jus’ stay?” He murmured. “I like laying here wit’ you.”
He relaxed back down, easily persuaded by Fao. “Alright.”
“What’re you doin’ up?” Fao murmured. “Thought you wanted to sleep in.”
“Just needed to move. Had been in the same position too long.”
“Mmm. You’re warm.”
“So are you.”
Fao stretched out, getting comfortable beside his boyfriend.
“It’s nice.” Hars said softly. “Not having to get up.”
“Yeah.” Fao breathed. “Really is.”
Harrison traced patterns across Fao’s chest. “I wish we could stay like this all the time.”
Harrison’s fingers left goosebumps on Fao’s skin. “You’d miss work too much.”
“Nah. It would be worth it.”
“Mm? I dunno.”
“You prefer work to me?”
“You’re at work, to be fair.”
He hummed. “Good save.”
“‘m smart.”
“Sure you are.” He stretched to kiss Fao, balancing himself on his elbow.
Fao smiled into the kiss, tilting his head up to his boyfriend.
“It’s a good job you’re cute.” He breathed.
“Yeah?”
“You could get away with murder and I’d still be here.”
“Am not planning on murder.”
“Glad to hear it.” He laughed quietly.
“Not today, anyway.”
“I’m sorry.” Harrison said softly, almost to himself.
“What for?”
“All of these.” He murmured, his fingers finally tracing the scars.
“Why?”
“I made these.”
“Saved my life, Tomcat.”
He shook his head, swallowing against the lump in his throat. It was easier for Fao; he’d not had to hold his best friend’s heart in his hands.
“I know it’s hard.” He said gently. “But you went above and beyond for me, and I really appreciate it. The scar just reminds me of all that you did.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I can’t even imagine what you went through…”
He cleared his throat, sitting up and turning away. Fao didn’t need his emotions tied to his scars, he’d been through enough without Harrison adding to it.
Fao whined. “Hey, come back.” He reached out for his boyfriend, pushing the duvet back.
“I’m just going to get up, get dressed.” He said, his voice wavering.
Fao sat up, wrapping his arms around Harrison. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged his way out of Fao’s grip. “It’s fine.”
“No, come on.”
“It’s fine.” He said firmly.
“If it’s fine, come back to bed.” He said. “I’m sorry about my scars.”
“They’re not your fault.”
“And they’re not yours either.”
He scoffed. “I made them.”
“You did what you had to do.” He murmured carefully. “The same way the ortho who fixed my hip did. The scar is a means to an end. Hell, it’s decently neat, too.”
He managed a tiny laugh. “Neat wasn’t exactly on my to-do list.”
“Managed it. Though you didn’t close, so you can’t take all the credit.”
“Guess they did all the hard work.”
“No, you did. I owe you my life, Hars. I know what you did was impossible, felt impossible, but that scar jus’ reminds me I have people who care.”
He shifted to face Fao. “It would have been impossible losing you.”
“And you didn’t.”
“Icouldn’t.”
“And I’m still here.”
“I’m glad.”
“Please don’t beat yourself up about my scars, Tomcat.”
“I’m always going to.”
Fao put his arm around Harrison again, shifting to move closer to him. His fingers brushed over his scars and he made a noise. “I know. And I hate that I wasn’t there to help you, but…” His voice caught. “But we’re both still here.”
He swallowed thickly, leaning into Fao. “I couldn’t lose you. I can’t.”
No. 15 - FEED A COLD, STARVE A FEVER
delirium | fever dreams | bees
Of course they’d left the trail hours ago, and of course they’d got lost. Fred was still convinced they weren’t, promising the family that it couldn’t be much longer. He’d been off searching for some ancient burial and cremation area after being tipped off by one of his colleagues’ friends near where they were staying. The rest of the family went along with him - it was easier when he got excited about another part of history. But, that had been what felt like a lifetime ago. When Finn complained his feet were aching and he wanted to go home, Fred promised just a bit longer, because they just had to see it today. Finn’s argument that they were already dead and weren’t going anywhere didn’t put him off (or make him laugh), and they continued deeper off the trails.
Sheila followed behind Fred, chatting away to her husband and trying to gently convince him to turn back. Finn, meanwhile, had decided to make the best of a bad situation. He’d found a stick bigger than him and was whacking everything he could reach, Fao included.
“Finn, I swear to God if you hit me one more time with that stick, I’m gonna snap it in half.”
“That’s not a good threat.” Sheila called. “Then he’ll have two to hit you with.”
“Not if I have one piece.”
“Then one of you will end up crying.” She said. “Finn, put the stick down now.”
“No!” Finn protested. “It’s mystick!”
“It’s fucking lethal.”
“Mum!”
“Language, Fao.”
“Come on, Mum. Aren’t you on my side?”
“Not with that language.” She chastised before turning to Finn. “I think you’ve had enough of it for now. Why don’t you pick it up on the way back?”
“No.” Finn frowned, his face screwing up. “You won’t let me have it back.”
Of course it was the one time Finn saw through her plan. “Why don’t you find a smaller stick, then?”
“Or you could just stop hitting people with it.”
The warning in Fao’s tone made him hesitate. “Can I carry it then? If I stop hitting you?”
“If you stop hitting me I don’t care what you do. But if you hit people mum will take it away from you.”
“Fine.” He groaned, returning to hitting the ground and pretending he had a sword once more.
“Youare bloody lethal.”
He spun around again with it, smacking the bushes either side of the trail Fred was following.
“Fred, how much further?” Fao whined.
“You sound like Finn!” He called to his eldest. “We shouldn’t be far.”
“You’ve been saying that for hours.”
“Welcome to my life.” Sheila laughed. “We can’t be much further, can we?”
“No, no. We just need to find the burial ground and then it’s another mile from there to where we should be.”
Sheila rolled her eyes. “You said this wouldn’t be another all day thing!”
“If Finn didn’t have to stop to pick up every rock, it wouldn’t have been.”
“At least another mile? You’re fucking kidding me.”
“Fao, language!” Sheila shook her head at him. “That’s twice in the last ten minutes.”
“It’s Fred’s fault.”
“Uh, mum?” Finn interrupted.
Fao recognised that voice, and frowned at Finn. “What have you done?”
“Bees!” Finn shouted, diving past Fao and Sheila.
“What the fuck, Finn?!”
“They’remad!”
“What did you do?!”
“I hit them!” He peeked from behind his dad. “I didn’t mean to but you said I couldn’t hit you and I hit them instead and they stung me!”
Fao swatted at a bee that got too close. “Jesus christ.”
“They’re coming for me!”
“Finn, calm down. Stop aggravating them and they won’t attack you.”
“I’m gonna be so pissed if I get stung.” Fao grumbled.
“Just keep moving.” Sheila encouraged. “Try not to anger them, keep moving and we’ll get away from them.”
“Always fucking moving.” He muttered under his breath, but kept going, away from the angry bees. Trust Finn to cause chaos.
Finn yelped, tripping over his feet. “They’ve got me!”
It was Fred’s turn to roll his eyes. “Come here, Finn. Let me have a look. You’ll live.”
Fao moved to help his brother up, too distracted to notice the bee that landed on his arm. That was, until a sharp pain hit him and he swore, batting at the insect. “Finn! I’m gonna kill you!”
No. 13 - THAT’S GONNA LEAVE A MARK
“This is gonna suck” | burns | cauterization
Ely as usual was stolen from @epochandeons
Steve couldn’t help but kick himself as he drove to the Daniels’. He’d been so stupid, he knew he had. It was entirely his fault, too. He shouldn’t have turned his back on someone who had threatened to stab him, he really should have known better.
Luckily, it was just a glancing wound, but it definitely needed stitches and of course it was just out of his reach. He’d called ahead, Fao was home, as were Finn and Ely for a change. There was no way he could go to A&E, they’d just act a million questions he didn’t have time or energy for. Fao would do.
He knew better than to use the front door; he’d had plenty of tellings off from Sheila and didn’t have the energy for another. He let himself in through the back, blood dripping as he unlocked the door. He’d obviously done a terrible job at an attempt at a bandage.
Fao met Steve at the door, unable to stop his smirk. “Well, this is a welcome change. C'mon, let’s get you sat before you keel over.”
Steve raised his hand in warning. “Don’t.”
“Alright, come on. Sit, yeah? I’ve got you.”
“Don’t take forever, will you?” He asked as he sat. “I just need it stitched up.”
“Mmhmm, I’ll be the judge of that.” Fao said, grabbing his supplies. “Top off.”
“It’s fine.” He told him, taking his top off. “See?”
“Yeah, because that much blood is always fine.”
“Nothing vital.”
“Sure.”
“See for yourself.”
Fao sat in front of him, adjusting the light to get a better look at the wound. It was still determinedly bleeding, but he managed to get a decent look at it. It wasn’t deep enough to have hit anything major, nothing about it had him worried.
“Alright, fine. Nothing vital, this time.” He said after a moment. “But you’re lucky it’s not worse.”
“I’m not lucky. I told you I was fine.”
“You are lucky, you’re bloody close to plenty of vital shit.”
“Stop with the lecture and just fix me up, will you?”
Fao hummed. “I’m getting there. Looking for the local…” He was sure he’d gotten some out.
“Alright.”
He couldn’t find it. It wasn’t with the rest of the kit where it was supposed to be, and as he rummaged through the drawers it was nowhere to be seen. Either someone had taken it and not put it back properly, or they’d forgotten to order some more when they’d run out.
“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath. “We’ve got none.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“I wish I was.”
He took a slow breath. “Fine. Just get it done.”
“We’ve got Midaz. Or propofol? Ely can come over.”
Steve scoffed. “You are not knocking me out.”
“I wouldn’t, Ely would.”
“None of you are.”
“I can hardly suture without giving you anything. Ely might be dating me but she’s not that bad.”
Steve stood. “You touch the propofol and you’re done.”
“Sit back down.” Fao told him, a hand on his shoulder. “Pain meds then. Morphine?”
“No. I’m working later.”
“No you’re not.”
“Not if you keep taking forever.”
“Without pain relief, this is gonna suck. It’s gonna suck even with pain relief. Take the Midaz, Steve. Or at the very least some oramorph.”
“No.” He pulled his shirt on. “I’ll ask Finn instead.”
“Finn’s been having myos all morning. Do you really want him to suture? Over the surgical reg?”
“At the minute, neither of you are doing it.”
“Fine, I’ll do it with no pain meds. If you’re so determined to suffer then you can. Shirt off.”
He pulled it back over his head, glad his back was to Fao as he grimaced in pain. “It’s not even that bad now.”
“Sure, sure.”
Steve sat on the bed, and turned to Fao. “Nice and quick, then.”
“Can you lay down for me?”
“If I must.”
“Just want to make sure you’re not going to go anywhere.”
“As if anywhere would let me in looking like this.”
“I don’t want you keeling over off the edge of the bed, yeah? Don’t feel like scraping you off the floor.”
“My blood pressure is fine.” He said, though did lie down.
“Surely that’s more comfortable, anyway?” Fao said, picking up his kit. “Just shout if you need a break, alright?”
“It is.” He agreed. “Do me a favour and don’t fuck it up.”
“Me? Fuck up? I’m hurt.” Fao said, and started to suture.
Steve tapped his feet. “You’ll get over it.”
“I might not.” He said, chewing his lip as he concentrated. He wasn’t about to do sloppy work.
“I’m sure you will.”
He was quiet then, too busy on his work. It was difficult, Steve was fidgety, and after a few minutes he frustratedly adjusted his light. Ely walked in after that, and he twisted to look at her.
“A stór. The last stock take we did, did we order any local? I’ve just turned the place upside down looking for some.”
Ely frowned at him. “I thought Steve did the last one. Are you suturing without any?”
“I wish I wasn’t.” Fao grumbled.
“Oh, fucking hell. Really, Steve?”
“Don’t be nice to him, he refused painkillers.”
“And we wonder where you get it from.” She teased.
“If you’re going to flirt, will you do it in your own time?” Steve interrupted. “I need this over with.”
“Painkillers would help.” Ely said, sitting down next to him. “I really can’t get you anything?”
“No.” He winced as Fao started up again. “It’ll be over soon.”
“I just saw you wince.”
“It’s difficult to suture neatly when you keep fidgeting, Steve.”
“I’m staying as still as I can.”
“Which is why you need meds.” He said bluntly.
Ely sighed. “Look, ignore him, he’s an ass. Won’t you let me give you something?”
“I told Fao, I’m working later.”
“Not with a wound like that.”
“A few stitches and I’ll be fine.”
“Judging by the blood that’s around, you need rest. Have some meds, and then you can sleep it off. We’ve got plenty of midaz and other stuff, we could do twilight or something. Then it’ll be done before you know it.” Ely said gently.
“Please, Ely. Just let Fao get on with it.”
“I’m better than Fao with the drugs. Not even some codeine, morphine? Just to take the edge off, Steve.”
His protests were interrupted as he jumped, jerking away from Fao. He groaned through clenched teeth. “Fuck.”
Fao swore, and dropped his stuff with a clatter. “I can’t keep doing this.”
Steve didn’t move, hands clenched into fists as he tried to breathe through the pain.
“That’s it, Steve, breathe through it. Nice deep breaths.” Ely soothed. “Let me give you something? Please, just so we can sort this.”
“What?”
“It would be best to try some sedation, some midaz or fentanyl. That’ll keep you still, really. Means we can finish quicker.”
“The bare minimum.”
“Of course. Only as much as you need.”
“I need to still be conscious and talking.” He countered, offering her his arm.
“Mmhmm. We’ll look after you.” Ely said, grabbing some gloves and a cannulation kit.
“I’m serious, Ely.”
“We need you to settle and be still, so Fao can suture. You’ll be relaxed.” She told him.
“Fao was doing a fine job.”
“I was trying my best, but you were too fidgety.” Fao told him. “I just need you to be relaxed enough not to move, yeah?”
“I wasn’t moving.” He grumbled.
“Alright.” Fao wasn’t about to argue with him, but just let his girlfriend work.
Ely got set up quickly, well practiced by now. Gone were the days when doing things like this used to scare her. Now it was virtually second nature. She got the cannula in easily - Steve was a welcome change from Fao’s difficult veins or a seizing Finn.
Steve watched her carefully as she worked. He trusted her clinical skills - it had been half the reason she’d been picked in the first place - but he didn’t trust her to not drug him. He didn’t trust either of them.
With the monitoring set up that she wanted (or rather, what she knew she could get away with without Steve having a strop) Ely shared a look with Fao as she measured out the meds. They’d worked together long enough now that Fao knew exactly what she wanted, and so he moved his stool slightly, aiming to distract Steve as she gave the drugs.
“Who are you on shift with tonight, Steve? Did you see the rota?”
He took the bait. “I didn’t recognise the name. Think it’s someone new.”
“Fresh blood? At least they can’t be any worse than us lot, eh?”
Ely gave the meds as quickly as she dared, enough to make sure Fao could get everything sorted. She rubbed his arm, hoping to be another welcome distraction.
“Oh, you…twat.” He slowly turned to Ely. “What did I tell you?”
“Just relax, Steve. I only gave you as much as you need, yeah? Couple of nice deep breaths for me?”
“I should go. Serve you right.” He struggled to focus, to piece the sentence together.
“Later, yeah? Let’s just take a deep breath, relax for me.” Her voice was gentle.
He hummed. “Yeah.”
“Well done, that’s it. Just relax, you can close your eyes if you want.”
He pulled his hand from Ely’s reach. “No more.”
She laughed. “No more, I promise. How about a little nap, hmm?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Always have a choice. Thought it might be nice, I bet you’re feeling pretty sleepy.”
“Twat.”
“So you’ve said.” She said lightly. “It’s alright, we’ll look after you.”
“Thanks.”
“That’s okay, that’s what we’re here for.” She said, and glanced over at Fao. He hadn’t started to suture again yet, but was fussing over the wound, trying to ease the bleeding a little.
As Fao hit a particularly sore point, he turned to look at the wound. “Ow.”
“Sorry, Steve. It’s a bit sore, isn’t it? Don’t worry, it’ll get better.”
“Will it?”
“Yeah, just focus on those deep breaths.” Ely told him. “Nice and relaxed.”
Steve did as he was told; after all, he didn’t really have much choice. He shifted slightly to get more comfortable (and just to annoy Fao, he was sure), and shut his eyes. He might as well try and sleep through it as much as he could.
“That’s it, well done.” She said, rubbing his arm, and then turned to her boyfriend. “Go on, shouldn’t have any trouble now.”
Fao nodded, and started to suture, as quickly as he could. He hated this just as much as Steve did, they just didn’t have a choice.
No. 11 - JUST KEEP SWIMMING
adrift | drowning | dehydration
Family holidays were still weird for Harrison. He supposed it was also a bit for Fao, too, but he’d settled in a lot better. After all, he’d been adopted almost straight away. Fao would often return from uni to join them as Finn got older, and enjoyed the time away. As Finn’s seizures started to settle, him slowly gaining more control over them, they began to venture further afield again.
Harrison had been staying at the Daniels’ while he tried to get back on his feet. Sheila had helped him enrol in college, and had started him back on the straight and narrow. He’d been working so hard while he stayed with them, that it was only natural to invite him along, especially since Fao and Hars had settled their differences.
They’d hired a caravan by the sea for a few weeks, far enough away to be a holiday, but close enough to a major hospital as a just in case. While both Fao and Harrison were old enough to be left to their own devices, Finn still had to be watched, and often carefully. With Sheila and Fred wanting an afternoon to themselves, it was up to the boys to keep an eye on him. It was a rarity that Sheila and Fred got any time alone, so they were set to make the most of it, a nice meal after a while exploring.
Finn had pestered and pestered everyone to take him swimming. Mainly, he just wanted to dick around with the floats and go down the slides more than actually swim, but he had to get them there first.
After a bit of reluctance, they finally gave in. Harrison wasn’t keen; he’d had bad experiences, and he wasn’t the strongest of swimmers either. They needed both of them there, though. It wouldn’t be the first time Finn had seized in a pool.
While Fao and Finn chased each other back and forth, hurtling balls at each other’s heads (Finn never learned), Harrison stayed away from it. He took a while to relax, finally sliding in from the side and floating around in a ring while he kept an eye on the two of them. After a while and too much of Finn’s insistence, he joined in. As long as he didn’t have to get his hair wet, he’d be fine.
It was actually fun, once he’d let himself go a bit. Finn’s energy was contagious, and Harrison actually found himself laughing along with the other two. It was nice to be part of a family, to have siblings of sorts and no responsibilities He tired quickly though, returning to stand by the side of the pool, floating on his stomach and just watching the world go by.
Fao was enjoying himself, away from the stresses of uni. He was able to spend time with his family, Harrison was a bonus, and he always enjoyed holidays. The weather was good, Sheila and Fred were in a good mood, and Finn was able to enjoy himself.
They’d been messing about for a while when Harrison took a break, and after a few minutes giving him some space, Fao made his way over.
“Hey. You alright?”
“Just tired.”
“God, tell me about it. Don’t know where Finn gets the energy from.”
“He’s all over the place.”
“Hard to believe he was in hospital.”
“Think he’s an alien.”
“Superhuman.”
“Nah, definitely an alien.”
“You’re probably right.”
Harrison flinched as Finn threw a ball at the pair of them, screwing his face up as he was splashed. “Think your highness wants your attention.”
Fao turned away, frowning. “Finn! What have I told you about throwing stuff at us?!”
“You’re being boring!” Finn called. “Come play!”
“We’re taking a break because we’re old!”
“You can go, I’m okay.” Harrison told him.
“Sure?”
“Yeah, course.”
Fao flashed him a smile and turned away to Finn, his younger brother still busy causing chaos with seemingly endless amounts of energy.
Harrison smiled at the pair, happy to keep his distance and just watch. He was reaching his limit of being in the water, his fingers starting to prune and the smell of chlorine getting too overwhelming. The lifeguard’s whistle made him jump and instinctively turn to see what was happening. He caught the float out the corner of his eye, but he was too late to move out of the way.
The hit disorientated him immediately, knocking him off his own float. The water was too deep for him to stand and he went straight under. He couldn’t breathe. Deep down, he knew he shouldn’t even try, but he naturally and desperately gasped for air. Water filled his lungs and he coughed and choked, only succeeding in taking in more water.
His hands scrabbled to try and get himself above water, but his mind was already elsewhere. He was going to die. He could hear his parents shouting at him, feel their hands around his wrists and throat, pushing him under. He choked again. More water. Another hit. They’d normally have let him up, but there was no sign of stopping. He was going to die.
It was as soon as Fao turned to Finn that all hell broke loose. There was shouting, and splashing, and someone kicked out into his leg. He whipped back around just in time to see Harrison go down under the surface.
“Finn! Stay put, kid!” He called to his brother, and then turned back to the chaos. Harrison hadn’t surfaced yet. Why hadn’t he surfaced? It was taking too long, far too long. A quick glance around told him nobody was coming quick enough, and so he took a deep breath and went under himself.
He found Harrison easily, writhing and choking under the water, and grabbed him. It was difficult, there were still people everywhere, but he hauled him up to the surface and over to the side, his own chest heaving.
Harrison fought against the hands holding him in blind panic, kicking and scratching in an attempt to get free. He coughed and retched against the air, struggling to get a breath in. With his struggling, he slipped back under for a moment, immediately taking in more water.
He was heavy when he was panicking, and Fao groaned. He pushed on, though, hauling Harrison up further to keep his head above the water.
It was hard work, harder than Fao had expected it to be, but Harrison was a dead weight. He shouted at people to move, eventually reaching the side of the pool, which he was bloody grateful for.
The lifeguards had finally jumped into action, and met Fao at the side. Despite Harrison’s fighting, they quickly hauled him out of the pool and onto the side. He barely had the energy to keep himself propped up, his whole body trembling. He continued to retch and gag, bringing up the water he’d inhaled. His arm gave out from under him, and he sprawled on the deck again.
Fao shot the lifeguards a look, not exactly happy with how long it had taken them to help out.
“It’s alright, Harrison. You’re alright now.” Fao soothed, helping him to stay upright. “That’s it, get it up.”
Harrison grabbed onto Fao, his nails digging into his skin. He choked again, bringing up more water. It was almost worse than being underwater. Somehow he was still drowning.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you, it’s gonna be okay.” Fao murmured, rubbing his back.
“Does he have any medical conditions? Did he hit his head?” The lifeguard asked from beside Fao, his radio ready.
“Nothing relevant, and I don’t know. He’ll need an ambulance, I’m a med student. He ought to be checked.”
“We’re just calling one now. Did you see what happened?”
“No, just what happened after.”
Exhausted, Harrison let himself fully flop onto Fao. He continued coughing, though not much was coming up. The fight had drained from him, all the adrenaline he’d had from the panic long gone.
“It’s alright, just breathe.” Fao soothed.
Finn, of course, couldn’t be left out. He wormed his way through the small crowd surrounding Fao and Hars, kneeling next to his big brother. “Fao?”
“It’s alright, Finn. Hars just got caught under the water, he’s okay.”
He looked up at Fao, worry etched onto his face. “Is he going to die?”
“No, no. He’s okay.”
Harrison flinched at the foil blanket placed over him, trying to get away with what little he had left.
Finn screwed his face at the mess on the floor surrounding Harrison, but carefully moved closer. “You’re okay. It’s keeping you warm, right?”
“Finn’s right. Just to keep you warm, Hars.”
He slowly stretched out his hand to take Harrison’s. “You’re okay. We’re here.”
No. 10 - OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN
hospital | flare-up | ice chips
Harrison normally loved the busier shifts. They kept his mind occupied, which was only a bonus. The hard work often meant he’d fall into bed and go straight to sleep. But today was different.
He’d woken up in the middle of the night with cramps down his thigh, which took an age to settle. By the time they’d worn off, it had been time to get up for work, which had been less than ideal.
With an hour left of his shift, he was really struggling. He’d already snapped at two other nurses, threatened to punch Finn, and downed as many painkillers as he could. He’d disappeared to the toilets to check on his prosthesis on more than one occasion, just to make sure it wasn’t rubbing. Or pouring with blood as it felt. Every step sent a stab of pain through his foot and calf, even though they were no longer there. It made it worse than the actual pain, knowing there was nothing he could do to fix it.
Broken bones? Easy. Heart attacks? Not a problem. Phantom pain? He was fucked.
Back at the nurses station, he groaned, dropping his head into the keyboard. His pile of patients was only growing, and they just seemed to be getting more and more daft. He didn’t have the patience.
Fao was leaning against the nurse’s station, writing a set of notes when Harrison sat down with a groan. It was unmistakably his friend, one of the nurses had said he was having a bad day. He looked like it, too.
He shoved his pen into his bun and looked up.
“You alright, Tomcat?”
“I’ve got no more room.” He answered from the keyboard. “If you want a patient brought in, move them out of the ED first.”
“My patients are fine. Was asking after you, dumbass.”
“I’m fine.”
“You look it. Just really love that keyboard, eh?”
He pushed himself up, spinning on his chair. “What do you want?”
“Was just wondering if you were alright, given how you just assaulted that keyboard.”
He ran his hand through his hair as he looked at the screen. “Just notes.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“Can do all my patients.”
“Gonna be hard if I’ve not seen them.”
“You can do that too.” He said with a grimace.
“Thought you might say that. When do you finish?”
“Another hour at least.”
“Could be worse. You’ll be in handover soon. Need anything? Water? Coffee?”
He looked up at Fao. “You know exactly what I want.”
Fao softened. “I know, I know. Anything else, though? Sugar, maybe?”
“No, I’m alright. Thanks.”
“Are you gonna go out when you finish, or…?”
“I’ll get a taxi if I do.”
“Look after yourself, yeah?”
“Are you going to stand there and interrogate me, or are you going to let me work?”
Fao ducked his head. “I’ll let you work, sorry.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He snapped.
Fao went back to his notes after that, pulling his pen out of his bun and starting to write again.
Harrison swore at him under his breath, and actually tried to do some work. It didn’t take long before he was called away, though, and he could have cried. He struggled to his feet, biting hard on his lip to stop himself crying out in pain.
Fao frowned at his friend, the way he was obviously in pain as he stood. He didn’t know whether or not to say anything, so settled with speaking to one of the nurses he knew quite well, asking her if she’d give Harrison a hand if she could. He knew he’d probably just get help thrown back in his face if he tried.
He put a brave face on while he saw to the patient, but as soon as they were moved back to the waiting room, his facade snapped. It was so obvious to him that Fao had sent the nurse after him, knowing that he wouldn’t speak to her the same as he would Fao. He assured her he was fine, forced another smile and gave an excuse about needing the toilet again. With one hand steadying himself on the wall, he headed to the changing room, just desperate for five minutes of peace.
Fao couldn’t watch him struggle like that. It genuinely looked like if he took his hand off of the wall, he’d fall over. He’d finished his notes, and had been reading a radiology report when he decided he couldn’t stand by and watch Harrison suffer. He caught up to him in a few easy strides, and stood in front of him.
“What do you need to make things easier?” He asked, voice low. “I’m not stupid enough to try and send you home, but you need something to help, Tomcat.”
He wasn’t surprised Fao had stuck his nose where he wasn’t wanted and he frowned at him. “Just leave me alone.”
“Come on, why don’t we go and sit down?” He said, unfazed. They weren’t far from the changing room.
“Where do you think I was going?” He snapped. “Let me get on with it.”
Fao raised an eyebrow, but moved to let him into the changing room. He followed him in, obviously, and sat down. “Talk to me?”
“I just need five minutes, Fao. Give me the space.”
“I’m worried about you, Tomcat.” He said gently. “What’s wrong?”
“Right now? The fact you won’t leave me alone!”
“Is it your leg? Prosthesis rubbing?”
“You, being a dick.”
“Come on, that’s not fair. You looked like the wall was holding you up. Looked worse than me on a bad day, hmm?”
“Fao, please. I just need five minutes.”
“I just want to help.”
“You can’t. I just need five minutes. Please.”
“Not even a hug?”
He scoffed, though it quickly broke into a sob. He didn’t need Fao being nice to him, he didn’t need any of the pity. He dropped his head to his hands, trying to cover his mouth to stop the sounds.
“Oh come here, you daft shite.” Fao said, looping his arm around his shoulders. “It’s alright.”
Harrison collapsed into him, his chest heaving. He’d tried to stay strong, to just ignore it and get on with work, but the pain had just become unbearable. It made it worse that there wasn’t anything he could do for it, that it wasn’t even real.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re alright.” Fao soothed.
“I’m sorry.” He said quietly between tears.
“Don’t be sorry. You don’t need to be sorry.”
“It won’t stop.”
“Phantom?”
He nodded into Fao’s chest. “Since last night.”
“How can I help?”
“You can’t. Nothing does.”
“What about something like TENS?”
“Haven’t got one.”
“Pain management have a stash, I know where it is. Or we can just sit here and feel miserable, if that’s what you wanna do. Don’t always have to have a solution.”
“I thought I was over this.”
“These things come and go.” He said gently. “You’ll have good days and bad days.”
“I was better.” He looked up at Fao. “I’ve been trying. I don’t deserve this.”
“I know. You don’t deserve any of it. But the nerves are all screwy in that leg and it’s gonna happen. It will ease.”
“I’ve still got patients to see.”
“Let’s just worry about you, first. You’re no good to patients if you’re in this much pain.”
“I’ve got to work, I can’t just stop.”
Fao hummed. “I get that. But could you cope if a major trauma came in right now?”
“I’d have to.”
“You’re in no fit state.”
“I’m fine.”
“You need to go home.”
“I’m nearly finished.”
“All the more reason to call it a day.”
“Fao, please.”
“Come on, you know you can’t work like this.”
“I’ve done all shift like this.” He pulled back from Fao, rubbing his thigh.
Fao rested his hand on Harrison’s thigh. “You need to stop, yeah? You’re not going to make this any better by pushing on through. Take your leg off, and go home.”
“It doesn’t make it any better!”
“Is it worth a try?”
“No.”
“Alright.”
He rubbed his face. “I just need to finish this shift.”
“I’m here if you need anything, yeah?”
With a heavy sigh, he nodded. “Yeah.”
No. 6 - TOUCH AND GO
bruises | touchstarved | hunger
Harrison’s attempt at visiting the Daniels had - obviously - gone very wrong. He’d never intended to get in a fight, and certainly not with their newest foster kid. Though he wasn’t quite sure he was just a foster. The way he acted with Finn and Fred was more like family, like an actual son. Not that he knew what that felt like.
Sheila was Sheila. She always looked out for her kids, fosters or otherwise. She’d treat them as a member of the family no matter what. Although, making him sleep in the bathroom didn’t feel very much like family. And, of course, that had nothing to do with him vomiting all over the car. Not in the slightest.
He stretched out with a groan, squinting his eyes open. Fred was still on guard, sitting at the door to keep an eye on him. He wasn’t sure if he was checking he was okay or making sure he wasn’t going to cause more trouble, but the company was kind of nice. It was more than he was used to, anyway.
He slowly sat up, his muscles protesting and stomach twisting. He had nothing left to be sick, and hadn’t eaten in a few days, so put it down to hunger rather than anything else. He hoped it was.
Fred was asleep, arms folded across his chest as he was propped up against the wall. Harrison didn’t want to wake him, he knew he’d kept him up all night as it was. Sheila was off with Fao, he’d heard her go in to see him late the night before and hadn’t heard her come back out. It only added to the suspicion that Fao had been adopted.
He struggled to his feet, shutting the toilet door; he wasn’t going to piss with Fred watching. Although, judging by the fact he wasn’t in his clothes, he assumed he already had.
“Hars? You alright in there?” Fred rapped on the door.
He jumped. “Uh, yeah. Fine. Just pissing.”
“Alright. Let me know if you need help.”
“I’m not a child.” He snapped.
“It’s the most coherent you’ve been in a few days, excuse me for caring.” Fred retorted.
“Sorry.” He finished washing his hands before opening the door. “I’m okay.”
Fred offered him a smile. “Glad to hear it. Breakfast?”
He shook his head. “Not hungry.”
“Hot chocolate, then. Come on.”
Harrison groaned, but knew better than to disagree. He followed Fred downstairs, making his way into the living room. He grabbed a blanket from the pile Sheila always kept by the sofa and curled up.
Fred wasn’t long, bringing the younger boy a mug brimming with marshmallows and a little cream. He sat by Harrison, waiting for the boy to initiate any contact. They sat in silence for a while, Harrison drinking his chocolate slowly. Fred ended up turning on the TV to fill some of the silence, hoping to alleviate some of the awkwardness.
Harrison took his time with his mug, eventually placing it on the table beside him. He still flinched at the ceramic hitting the slate coasters, taking a moment to relax. He sat back and tried to watch the TV for a bit, but he just couldn’t settle. After a while fighting it, he slowly lay down, his back almost against Fred’s leg.
Fred took his time, but slowly and carefully moved to rest his hand on Harrison’s shoulder. “There you go, kid. Just chill. You’re safe now.”
No. 5 - I’VE GOT RED IN MY LEDGER
betrayal | misunderstanding|brokennose
Harrison hadn’t seen the Daniels in years. He’d been passed from foster to foster, causing problems wherever he ended up. When his final placement fell through, he had nowhere else to go. He had no support to get on his own two feet, no education to get a job, and far too much alcohol to do much else.
His funds quickly dwindled, and nobody would help him. The little help he did get, he refused to accept it, kicking off until they left him alone. After a week of no electricity or water, he gave in, packed his bags, and headed for the Daniels.
By the time he got there, several buses and a few miles walk later, it was dark. His phone was long out of charge and he knew he should have called first, but he wasn’t that considerate. There was a chill to the air, but the alcohol kept him warm despite only being in a t-shirt. It took a few attempts to find the correct door, a few wrong answers and several angry people. He hammered on the door again, leaning against the frame.
Fao liked being home. Uni had been great when he lived away, but after Finn’s accident he needed his family, and Fao was glad to be there for him. Recovery had been slow, but he was always there to help his little brother out.
Everyone was scattered about the house when there was a knock at the door. Fred was cooking, Sheila was upstairs doing something, and Finn was apparently doing his homework (though Fao had his doubts). Fao was stretched out on the sofa reading at the time, the loud sound startling him. Were they expecting someone? Sheila hadn’t said anything.
He stood up and crossed the room to the front door, pulling it open. He didn’t recognise the boy stood in front of him, in scruffy clothes and looking slightly unsteady. He was probably a couple of years younger than Fao, but not much younger than that. He looked skinny and unkempt, and Fao frowned.
“Can I help you?”
“The fuck are you?”
“Uh, I live here?”
Harrison scowled at him. “Where’s Sheila?”
“Upstairs. You got a name, kid?”
“Fred, then.” He glanced past Fao. “Where’s he?”
“Look, who are you?”
“I don’t have to answer to you.” He swayed slightly. “Just get them, will you?”
“I don’t know who you are. Why should I get them?”
“Because I’ve asked you to.”
“I don’t even know who you are.” Fao said, folding his arms over his chest.
“So go get them.”
“I’m not just letting you walk into my house.” Fao’s voice was hard.
“Did I ask to walk in "your” house?“
“I live here, it’s just as much my house.”
"Like fuck is it. ”
“So you’re just gonna show up at the door and tell me what is and isn’t my house?”
“Fuck off with your high and mighty attitude, mate.”
“You’ve really got some balls, haven’t you? I just want to know what the fuck you actually want.”
Harrison shoved him. “I’ve told you.”
“Hey, hey. Watch it.” Fao growled, pushing him back.
“Stop being such a dick then.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“I’ve asked you to get Fred and you’re being an absolute dick.” He squared up to Fao. “So, yeah. You’remy problem.”
Fao pushed him back, hard. “Oh, fuck off. Stop being such a fucking cunt.”
Harrison stumbled back, tripping over the front step and landing sprawled in the driveway. “You’re the fucking cunt.”
“Yeah, whatever mate.”
He struggled to his feet. “You’re a fucking wanker.”
“Says you.”
He swung for the other boy, frustrated beyond belief. It wasn’tfair.
The other boy was slow and uncoordinated, and Fao countered his punch with his own, sharp and angry. He wasn’t taking any more shit from him.
Harrison staggered back. Fao’s punch had landed, making its mark on his cheek. Blood welled in his mouth and he swore before he spat it out. He swung again.
Harrison’s counter attack landed well, Fao reveling in his hit and too distracted to dodge. He staggered back into the hallway, reeling.
“Dickhead.” He spat.
Fao gripped the wall, his head spinning. “You’re fuckin’ insane.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be such a wanker.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t just stand there and act like you own everything!” Fao snapped, his voice harsh.
“Coming from you, that’s rich.” Harrison shook his head. “I asked for one thing and you think you rule the place.”
“Almost as if it’s my house.”
“Yeah, right.”
Fao’s cheek, where Harrison had caught him, was throbbing, and he was sure a bruise was forming already.
“You’ve yet to give me a good reason why I should let you in.”
“I didn’t ask to come in, did I?” He spat. “I asked for Sheila or Fred.”
“What do you want them for anyway? How do you even know them?”
He wasn’t going to admit that. “I just do, alright? Please.”
“I’m not getting them without knowing why.”
“For fuck’s sake!” He snapped, trying to balance himself on the doorframe. “I’ve just fucking asked you to get them!”
Fao just reacted as the other boy moved to lean on the doorframe, and swung another punch at him. He had to look out for his family.
Harrison dropped like a sack of shit, landing in a crumpled heap. He hadn’t even seen Fao’s punch coming. Sheila, on the other hand, had.
“Faolan!”
Fao wasn’t a complete arsehole, when the other boy hit the deck he moved to crouch next to him, but Sheila’s shout made him flinch. Fuck.
“Go get Fred. You’ve done enough.” Her tone was hard as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Go on.”
“I didn’t…” He said quietly. “I jus’…”
“Move it.” She clicked her fingers at him. “Now.”
His words died on his tongue and he stood up, bolting back into the house. Guilt curled in his stomach, and he went in search of Fred.
Sheila crouched by Harrison, gently rubbing his shoulder. Blood was pouring from his nose and his lip was split. She rolled her eyes. Boys.
Harrison jerked back from her hand, disorientated and swinging immediately. Nothing landed and despite his blurred vision he recognised Sheila, reaching for her with shaky hands.
Fred was cooking, and Fao was filled with dread as he stepped into the kitchen, bravado completely drained out of him. “F-Fred?”
“What’s up, kiddo?”
“Sh-Sheila wants you. D-door.”
He turned, still half-heartedly stirring. “What happened?”
He couldn’t do much more than lamely shrug his shoulders, struggling for words. “She wants you.”
Fred knew there was more going on, but also that he wasn’t going to get any more from Fao. “Stir that. I’ll back in a minute.”
Fao nodded. He could stir, he’d be out of the way then. He moved closer, aware of the blood on his knuckles. He was shaking, virtually trembling.
Fred wasn’t long, not entirely surprised to find Sheila crouched over a very confused Harrison. It had been a few years since they’d seen him, but he’d often turn up every few years anyway. The teenager had already thrown up over the front step, though Sheila had managed to start to control his bleeding nose - it was obviously broken.
The pair helped Harrison to his feet - he didn’t weigh much, more lanky than anything- and slowly took him through to the living room. They’d have to go to hospital, there was no doubt about that, but they needed to get him sorted enough to be fine in the car.
Fao kept quiet in the kitchen, leaning against one of the counters to keep himself upright. His legs felt weak, his chest a little tight. He’d fucked up, they were going to kick him out.
Fred called for Finn before he headed back through to the kitchen. Though Fao had attempted to stir, they needed to leave and it would be ruined by the time they got back. Fao looked like he’d seen a ghost, and he had a pretty nasty bruise blossoming around his eye too.
“Grab a hoodie, She’s taking us to hospital.”
Fao startled, looking up. “‘m fine. I’ll jus’ go up to my room, out of the way.” He said quietly.
“Not a chance.”
“‘m fine.”
“Yeah? That bruise looks fine. Hoodie, car, five minutes.”
He didn’t have a choice, did he? He toyed with just hiding in his room anyway, and then thought better of it. He didn’t want to get into any more trouble. So he abandoned the cooking, and rushed upstairs to grab a hoodie, feeling distinctly lightheaded.
They’d already managed to get Harrison into the car, a dish between his legs for when he inevitably threw up. Fao was directed to the front seat, Finn shoved in the back with his mum. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but had quickly been distracted.
Fred turned to Fao, offering him an ice pack. “You don’t look too great. Are you going to puke as well?”
He shook his head, but took the ice. “No.”
“Are you gonna pass out on me?”
“Probably not.”
“You feel dizzy?” He checked as he pulled off the drive.
“Not really.” It wasn’t a completelie.
“So, yes.” Fred rolled his eyes. “Let me know if it gets worse.”
“Notdizzy. I’m fine.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “We’re not impressed with all of…this. We’ll deal with it later, but right now, we need to make sure you two are okay.”
“Sorry.” He looked down at his lap. “I can go back to my flat after we’ve come back.”
“We’re not having a repeat of last time.”
He made a noise in protest. “I won’t.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll get it sorted.”
“Sorry.”
“Not me you need to apologise to, is it?”
“Oh.”
“He definitely came out worse off than you.” Fred glanced at Fao. “You’ve got a surprisingly good punch on you.”
“Rugby.” He mumbled.
“Yeah. Better be careful on nights out.” He said. “Don’t want you getting in trouble.”
“‘m careful.”
“Apparently so.”
Fao was quiet, staring down at his lap, the bruises blooming over his knuckles. “Sorry.”
“Hey.” Fred reached out to rest a hand on Fao’s knee. “It’s going to be okay.”
Fao flinched, pulling away with a sharp intake of breath.
“Sorry, sorry.” Fred placed his hand back on the steering wheel.
“It’s fine.”
He hummed. “Sure. That’s why we’re driving to A&E at this time of night.”
“I don’t need A&E.”
“That one does.” He gestured to Harrison. “Kinda your fault.”
“I didn’t mean to…”
Fred raised his eyebrow. “Looks like you did.”
“I-” Fao cut himself off. “Nevermind.”
“At least we don’t need a guard dog.”
“I was only trying to…”
“Break his nose? Did a good job at that.”
“No.” He protested, his voice wavering.
“What, then?”
“Doesn’t matter, does it? Still fucking did it.”
“I’m not swearing at you, I don’t appreciate you swearing at me.” He warned.
“Sorry.” He mumbled, and decided not to say anything else.
Fred didn’t bother to reply. There was no talking to him when he was like that, and he didn’t really have the energy. Harrison was still throwing up in the back seat, Sheila having her work cut out trying to soothe him and keep Finn distracted.
Every time the other boy vomited, Fao winced. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, adding nausea to his guilt. He had half a mind to bolt when they got to the hospital, but he knew he wouldn’t get away with it.
Fred pulled in, dropping the car close to the entrance. “Fao, you go in with Sheila and Hars. I’m going to take Finn home. You can call me when you’re done.”
He nodded, pulling his hoodie closer, and got out of the car wordlessly. He waited for Sheila and Harrison, looking down at the floor.
Sheila said goodbye to her husband and son, walking the other two into the emergency reception. “I don’t know what went on between the two of you, but if you two cause any problems in the emergency department, so help me god.”
Fao shook his head. “Won’t.”
Harrison’s agreement was with his head in the sick bowl, looking up at Fao and then Sheila. “He started it.”
“Didn’t.”
“Did too.”
Fao huffed. “It’s always my fault.”
“Boys. That’s enough.”
Fao shrugged but fell silent. They headed inside and got checked in, Sheila sat between the two boys.
Harrison was seen to first, thanks to Fao knocking him out. She didn’t trust Fao not to run off, so made him sit outside the bay as Harrison was seen to. They had a bit more to check with Harrison too, the younger boy having just turned up on their doorstep.
Fao hated being stuck in the ED. Especially when he wasn’t really all that injured, and he didn’t really have Sheila for comfort. She was preoccupied keeping Harrison on the straight and narrow. It did make Fao wonder what the point of the both of them coming in was. Of course, he was stuck waiting, the A&E corridors cold and unwelcoming.
With Harrison reasonably settled in a bed in majors, Sheila headed to the corridor to find Fao. She sat heavily beside him, turning to look at the bruises on his face.
He looked over at her. “He okay?”
“Settled. How are you?”
“Fine.”
“Yeah, you look fine.”
He shrugged. “I’ve had worse. Don’t really need to be here.”
“I still want you checked over.”
“I’m fine.”
“Better than he is.”
“My fault.”
“I don’t know what happened between the two of you. That’s for you to sort out when you’re both better.”
“I fucked up.”
“I doubt it was all your fault.”
“Might as well be.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Is in Fred’s opinion.”
“Did he say that?” She asked, nudging him.
“Pretty much. Said it was my fault we had to come in.”
“Well, you did knock Harrison out.”
“So it’s all my fault.”
“Did you need to knock him out?”
“Obviously not. I didn’t mean to knock him out.”
“What were you meaning to do then?’
“I don’t know, okay?!” He snapped. “He showed up, I didn’t know who the fuck he was, he got aggy, I didn’t want someone coming in the . house when I had no idea who they are and they were acting out. He looked like he was going to force his way inside, so I swung. He’d already swung at me, so… I reacted. I didn’t want anyone getting hurt.”
Sheila was calm. "Why didn’t you get one of us?”
“I don’t know. Because he was asking for you like he owned the place. And he was drunk, it put me on edge.”
“All the more reason to get one of us. Or just walk away, shut the door and all that.”
“I thought I could handle things. Y’know, look out for everyone.”
“That’s what we’re there for.”
“It’s different. I don’t know.”
“We’re the adults. The adult adults. We’re here to look after you.”
“I jus’ wanted to look after things.”
“I appreciate that, but it hasn’t worked out too well this time.”
“I know.”
“You can’t just get away with it.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“There has to be some punishment.”
He shrugged. “I don’t expect otherwise.”
“I know, but I don’t want it to be like it used to. The problem is that we have to have some repercussions for our actions, you know?”
“I understand that. I was never under any illusion that there wouldn’t be? I fucked up.”
“I just don’t want you to think we’re out to get you.” She said softly, leaning against him. “You were brave standing up for us, but it was just directed at the wrong person. With some stubbornness in there too, I bet.”
He shrugged. “I guess.”
“I don’t know what went on, but he’s not a bad guy, you know?” She continued. “He’s been through a lot, not unlike you.”
“He started the fight.”
“Did he?”
“He shoved me.”
“Doesn’t surprise me.”
“So forgive me for being somewhat on the defensive.”
“I don’t blame you for that.”
“But you’re still mad at me. Why can’t I just go back to my flat?”
“Because I don’t want you to go back and just cut us off.” She said, frustrated. “You go back to your flat and you get off scot free from us and you beat yourself up.”
“You keep talking about consequences. Whatever they are, I can take them, but I’d rather you stop pussyfooting around them and just tell me straight. I’m assuming you’re not going to beat the ever loving shit out of me, so I kind of need to know where I stand.”
“Of course we’re not going to hit you.“ She took a steadying breath. "Right now, I need to focus on Hars and getting him out of hospital. We can talk about the consequences when you’re back home.”
No. 4 - TRUST FALL
“Do you trust me?” | taken hostage | pushed
Finn had decided to ride out with Fao, much to both his parents and guards’ upset. He didn’t understand why there was such an issue - the kingdom faced a threat and he should have been there to face it. Just because he was the prince, it didn’t mean that his life was any more important.
They’d travelled a day or so on horseback before the terrain became too unsteady and the weather too poor to carry on. They’d done the best they could to find shelter, and then to make a fire.
Fao was much more willing to start one than he’d normally be, which only increased Finn’s suspicions that he’d directed them further away from where he’d intended to go. His lack of reluctance, however, was not unwelcome; the cold had seeped into Finn’s bones and he couldn’t shake it.
Fao crouched on the cold floor, trying to breathe some life into a little fire. He struggled a little, everything soaked, and swore under his breath as he did.
“Finn? Can you see to the horses? Make sure they’ve got water.”
“There’s plenty around them.” Finn groaned. “We’re almost drowning in it.”
“They can’t drink the rain.”
“What do you think I’m going to get them?”
“You know what I mean. They can’t drink from the fucking sky, can they?”
“They should be able to.” Finn huffed, standing to sort them. “Would make it easier.”
“Can you drink from the sky?”
“Yes.”
Fao rolled his eyes. “Of course you’d say that.”
“Can’t you?”
“Well, yes, but that’s not the point.”
“It’s precisely my point.”
“Just water the horses!”
“You’re extremely grumpy today.”
“I’m always grumpy.”
“Moreso today.” He told him, settling down by the struggling fire. “Can’t you hurry? I’m freezing.”
Finn ignored the following complaint from Fao, choosing instead to sort his pack out. The food they’d caught earlier made his stomach turn and he hastily put it away. One night wouldn’t be the end of the world. Instead, he curled up by Fao, using the other man’s body for warmth.
Fao frowned, and softened as Finn pressed up to his side. He adjusted his cloak to sit over his shoulders and keep him a little warmer.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m just tired, I can’t get warm.” He admitted quietly.
“The fire will be warm soon. It just needed a little patience.” He said gently.
“I’m still cold.”
Fao shrugged off his cloak and fully draped it over Finn. “Here.”
Normally, Finn would have protested, but instead, he took it gratefully. “Thank you.”
“We can’t have you getting cold.”
“Why do you always sound like such a dick when you say things like that?”
“I was being genuine!”
“Still sounds like a dick.” He said. “I knew you weren’t. I’m just used to you taking the piss out of me.”
“I’m capable of being nice.”
“Sure you are.”
The fire was starting to grow now, finally taking hold. It warmed Fao, so hopefully would warm Finn too.
“It happens on occasion.”
He hummed. “I guess. Are you okay to take watch?”
“Yeah, go on. Get some rest.”
Finn shuffled closer. “Thank you.”
“Anything else you need?”
He shook his head, already drifting. He just needed some sleep, he’d feel better once he was warm and rested.
“Sleep well.” Fao murmured, shifting his weight a little to sit better - it was going to be a long night.
Finn slept fitfully, finally stirring just before dawn broke. Despite the fire still burning, he was cold. The pain in his head was crushing, and nausea curled in his stomach. He knew it wasn’t anything he’d eaten; he’d skipped the evening’s meal. Fao had moved from where Finn had curled on him, now sat opposite from Finn as he tended the fire. Finn struggled to his feet, he needed to relieve himself and lying down wasn’t doing him any good. He balanced himself against the trees surrounding him, heading away from their camp for privacy.
“Morning! You’re up early.” Fao called, carefully watching Finn as he headed out of the camp.
Finn grunted in response, too asleep to bother with an actual reply. After a few minutes, he headed back, stumbling towards Fao.
Fao didn’t miss the way the Prince stumbled. “Careful. Are you alright?”
“I don’t feel so good.” He admitted quietly.
“Sit. You’ve not eaten in too long, it’s probably that.”
His stomach twisted at the thought of food. “I’m not eating.”
“You ought to eat.”
Finn sat heavily, leaning against Fao. “No.”
“You need your strength. What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “I must just be tired.”
“You don’t look particularly well.”
“I don’t feel particularly well. I told you that.”
Fao sat up straighter. “Talk to me?”
“About what?”
“How you feel. Dizzy?”
He shook his head. “Off balance.”
“Is that not the same thing?”
“Of course not.”
“Sick?”
“I haven’t been.”
“Feel it?”
He hesitated before nodding slightly. “Yes.”
Fao rubbed his arm, in a gesture he hoped was soothing. “I suppose that’s why you don’t want to eat.”
He leaned closer instinctively. “It is.”
“I’ve got you.”
“How far away are we from home?”
“Far enough.”
“We weren’t following the trail, were we?”
“No. We had to go off and out deeper.”
“You were just keeping me away from the fight. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”
“I have a duty to protect you, Finn.”
“And I have a duty to this kingdom!”
“And that duty requires you to stay alive.”
Finn groaned as he stood, swaying slightly. “My duty requires me to protect it!”
“If you go and get yourself killed, you’ll be no use to anyone. The best way to protect the kingdom is to keep yourself safe.” Fao said, standing up alongside Finn. “Careful. Sit back down, come on. You’ve gone pale.”
He pulled away. “No.”
“Finn, come on.” Fao said, reaching out for him. “You’re no good to anyone if you’re passed out.”
“Don’t touch me.” He snapped. “I’m getting Toren and going.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Finn.” Fao snapped.
He rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to follow Fao’s orders, he needed to be away from him.
“Finn!”
Finn made it halfway before he had to stop, bracing himself against a tree. He clasped??? his head with a quiet whimper, falling against the bark. He felt as if he’d been poisoned, and the only person around him had been Fao.
Fao rushed over to him, an arm on his shoulder. “Finn, come on. Let’s sit down again.”
He didn’t have much of a choice, his legs already given way beneath him. “Was your fault.”
Finn was heavy in his arms, and Fao groaned. “Careful, careful.” He said quietly. “I’ve got you.”
“You’ve poisoned me.”
“I’ve not, you’re alright.”
Finn shivered, wrapping his arms tighter around himself. “I’m not.”
Fao reached out for his pack, pulling it closer and digging around for the vials of liquid he kept. Finn often got like this, ever since an accident as a young child. “I’m gonna look after you. Take some deep breaths for me?”
“You’re doing it again.” He tried to pull away.
“I’ve always protected you in the past.” He said gently. “Do you trust me?”
It was harder to focus. “No.”
“It’s alright, Finn. I’m going to help you.”
“Please.”
“You need to drink this, Finn.” Fao said gently, fingers closing on the cool glass. “It’ll make you feel better.”
“It’s poison.” He reached a shaky hand to push it away.
“I promise it’s not.”
“You drink it.”
“It’s for you. Your medicine.”
“No.”
“From the physician. To help you feel better.”
“Swear?”
“Swear on my life.”
Finn took it from Fao, quickly downing the liquid. It was foul, as most of the cocktails were, but Fao had told him it would help. Despite his confusion and paranoia, he knew that Fao wouldn’t really hurt him. He’d always protected him.
“That’s it. It’ll make you feel better, hmm?”
“It better.” He murmured.
“It will. I’ve got you.” Fao said, an arm around the younger man. “I’m here to keep you safe. I’m always going to keep you safe.”
BTHB - Wiping the Other’s Tears Away
Fao couldn’t help himself, he pulled Harrison in for a hug, crushing him against his chest. “Oh, Tomcat, nothing is ever over.”
He stiffened. “It is.”
“No. Come on, you of all people know things can and will get better. Look at where we came from, look at the family we have now.”
Harrison’s body trembled as he sobbed, gripping Fao tighter. “They’re gone.”
“No, they’re not. Not at all. They’re so worried about you, Hars. Sheila is beside herself. I’d barely even gotten off the plane before she was all over me, asking me if you’d reached out, desperate to know if you were safe.”
“You’re lying.” He managed, though barely believed it himself. “They hate me.”
“No, I don’t lie.”
“They hate me.” He repeated through sobs.
“No, they don’t. Sheila will be so relieved you’re safe. That you’re alive.”
He shook his head, gripping onto Fao. “No.”
“Yeah. We thought you were dead.”
He sniffed, trying to catch his breath. “I wish I was.”
“I know, I know.” Fao soothed.
Harrison took a moment, trying to get his breathing back under control. His own wolf itched to be out, unhappy at the uncomfortable situation. “I’m glad you’re safe.”
Fao hummed. “I’m absolutely fine. Is that what all this is about, eh?”
He swallowed thickly. He wasn’t going to admit that, he wouldn’t ever admit that.
Harrison’s silence told Fao all he needed to know. “Oh, Tomcat.” He breathed.
His sobs grew harder and he buried his face in Fao’s neck. He had no reason to be so nice to him. He’d hurt his brother, ruined the family. Fao should have hated him, not pulled him in for a hug, nor tried to help him.
Fao rubbed his back. “Hey, hey. It’s alright, come on now. It’ll all be okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
Harrison pulled away, stumbling back to sit on the bed. He reached for Fao though, an olive branch, the best part of an apology he’d give.
Fao sat with him, wrapped his arm around him as he reached up to wipe Harrison’s tears with his thumb. “There we go, you’re alright.”
He didn’t pull away. “How long are you staying?”
“As long as you need.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“How long am I in the country?”
He nodded; he couldn’t bring himself to ask properly.
“I’ve got nothing on the horizon. So, a fair while. Six months, at least.”
“Six..” It wasn’t enough.
“Easily longer. I have to sign up, so… I can take a break. Still gotta train, but…”
“Don’t stop for me.”
“It’s not stopping. I need a rest period anyway.”
“That’s just saying it a different way.”
“Sure, either way. I’m back now.”
“You’ll be gone soon enough.”
“It’s my job, Hars. But I’ll be in the clinic and the hospital now, for a while. It’s only the reserves, it’s not forever.”
“Until you get hurt.”
“I’m not going to get hurt.”
He rolled his eyes. “You can’t promise that.”
“I know. But I’m careful.”
“I know.”
“And I’ll have the best people looking after me if I do get hurt.”
“That’s not what I mean.” He snapped, tears falling harder.
“What do you mean? Explain it so I can help?”
“Just don’t go.”
“It’s not quite that simple, Hars.”
“Please.” He turned to face him properly. “Please don’t go.”
“I still have to train, but I’ll take a break.”
“Just please don’t go back.”
“I’ll take some time.”
“Please.”
“You could always call me, yknow?”
“My phone’s fucked.”
“If you were back with Sheila.”
He stiffened. “I’m not going back.”
“Come on, they want you back.”
“I’m not going.”
“Okay. You’re gonna walk away from the pack?”
“It’s already over.”
“Except I’ve told you it’s not.”
“You weren’t there!”
“I know. But I came home to it, I spoke to Sheila.”
“And you could just be lying to me.”
“Call her yourself.”
“Fine.” He gritted his teeth.
“You’re family.”
“I was.”
“There’s no was about family.” Fao said, and pulled away to plug his phone in.
“There is. That’s why we’re with Sheila. Why I was with Sheila.”
“The people who raised us aren’t family. The pack is family, Sheila is family. Family’s more than just blood.”
“I guess.” He frowned. “But they don’t want me in their pack.”
“They do, Harrison. Of course they do.”
“I hurt Finn.” He whispered.
“Yeah, you made a mistake. But Finn’s okay, and everyone knows it wasn’t you.”
“But it was. I did it.”
“But you weren’t yourself. Scraps happen, we all make mistakes.”
“My whole life is a mistake.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is.” He said quietly. “My parents were right.”
“No, Harrison. They weren’t. You’re so much more than them.”
He shook his head. “I hurt Finn.”
“You made a mistake. Just apologise to Finn and move on, he’s okay.”
“How badly did I hurt him?” He barely dared to ask.
“He had to go to the hospital, Steve wanted to be cautious, but he was okay. Broken ribs and a broken bone in his arm. Nothing toodramatic.”
Harrison made a quiet, pained noise. “I fucked it up. I fucked it all up.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I did, I really did.”
“He healed just fine.”
“Physically.”
“He was upset, but just worried about you.”
Harrison shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore, it just hurt too much.
“I know. It’s alright.”
It wasn’t alright. He didn’t see how it could ever be alright.
“We’ll go home, you can apologise to everyone there. And then it’ll be okay.”
He leaned into Fao and nodded. He didn’t have the energy to refuse, and as much as he tried to deny it, he missed the pack.
“I’ve got you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I really am.”
“I know you are, I know.”
He was quiet again, his breathing slowly growing more steady. “Do they know?”
“That you’re here?”
He shook his head. “That ’m sorry.”
“I’m sure they do, but you’d do best telling them yourself.”
His breath hitched. “What if they don’t listen?”
“You know they always listen.”
“But what if they don’t?”
“It’s Sheila. She’d help you hide a body if you needed to.”
“She doesn’t control the pack.”
“Of course she does.”
“She doesn’t control everyone.”
“She’sSheila.”
“She’d rip me apart.”
“It’s fine, Hars. We’ll go back together and you can see the pack.”
He laughed humorlessly. “You’ll protect me?”
“Yeah. Don’t you know I’m a big tough soldier now?”
Harrison let out a proper laugh. “Tough, maybe.”
“Rude.”
He reached for Fao’s hand, gripping it tight. “I’m sorry.”
“Let’s stay here tonight, yeah? And we’ll see what we’re gonna do in the morning.”
“Okay.”
“Get some food. When was the last time you ate?”
He shrugged. “Not too long ago.”
“Long enough.”
“It’s useful being wolf.”
“Mm. Can I grab a shower and then we can get some food?”
“Sure.”
Fao nodded and pulled away to shower. It was nice, after a long while searching for Harrison as a wolf. He was quick, worried Harrison would leave or pull something stupid. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, he just knew him too well.
Despite himself, he’d fallen asleep, curled around his backpack. The bed was comfier than he’d expected and had drifted off almost as soon as Fao had got in the shower. His hair was still wet, still dripping down his back, but he was warm and content.
When Fao got out, he was surprised to see Harrison curled up asleep on the bed. With a shake of his head, he quietly got dressed. Poor Hars must be absolutely exhausted, he didn’t blame him for falling asleep.
Harrison stirred as Fao dressed, rubbing his eyes. “Did you shower?”
“Yeah, I did. You have a nice nap?”
“Wasn’t even asleep.”
“Yeah, okay. Wanna grab some food?”
“Yeah.” He frowned. “I’ve not got any more cash.”
“You can pay me back when you get some next.”
“Nowhere’s hiring right now.”
“I can wait.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. You want me to keep an eye out for you?”
“I’ve looked everywhere. Nobody wants a wolf.”
“I’ll see if I can find somewhere. But don’t worry about the money. You can pay me back whenever.”
“Thanks.” He muttered quietly.
“I’d say don’t bother paying me back at all, but I know you’ll refuse.”
“Of course I’d refuse.”
“So it can be an open IOU. Hell, just buy me dinner next time you can.”
“Alright. I can do that.”
“Good. I’m hungry, and I bet you are too. Let’s eat.”
“I don’t need much.”
“You can have as much as you want. I sure am.”
“It’s okay. A meal deal or something will be more than enough.”
“No, come on, we’re getting a good, hot meal.”
“It’s okay.” Harrison protested.
“Well, I want hot food, so…”
“Fine.”
“Might as well.”
“I guess.”
Fao hummed and shoved his wallet into his pocket. “You ready to go?”
He shrugged. “Yeah.”
“We won’t be too long, then you can get some proper sleep.”
“I already slept.” He argued as they headed down the corridor. “And I ate earlier.”
Harrison kept up his protests as they found somewhere to eat. He checked the menu several times before finally agreeing to let Fao pay for it. The restaurant smelled amazing, almost overwhelming for his wolf, and his stomach growled loudly. So much for saying he’d eaten recently.
He savoured every bite, eating as slowly as he could, his wolf screaming in protest - he didn’t know when his next meal would be, he should be eating as much and as fast as he could. Fao chatted away as he ate, in between large mouthfuls of good food. When Fao got seconds, Harrison was torn. There was an ache in his stomach that had come from the week with barely anything, but his pride bristled. He was already in Fao’s debt. Fao kept persuading gently, and when he refused, ordered for him anyway. He didn’t need to be wolf to read Harrison’s mind.
Dessert was another thing - Fao, of course, ordered something. After a quick glance at Harrison, he got the other wolf one too. Just a simple warm sponge, but it had to help the cold in his bones. Fao had only been wolf for a week, living rougher than he was used to, he couldn’t imagine how Harrison felt.
As the evening dragged on, Harrison slowly warmed to him again. He’d missed Fao. He had been everything to him and then he’d just left. Of course Harrison knew that he’d had to go, that it was for work and he didn’t have a choice. And of course, Harrison was proud of him. So, so proud. He just couldn’t tell him yet.
The other customers stared at them, Harrison could feel it and he knew Fao could too. It was easy to see why; it wasn’t normal to see a well dressed young man with another who was still very obviously homeless. While Fao held an air of authority, commanding attention in any room he walked in to, Harrison did the opposite. People averted their gaze or stared on in disgust, they’d walk in to him on the street, ignoring his simple questions when he’d ask for directions or the time. Even in the restaurant the stigma followed them, customers giving Harrison a wide berth as they passed, almost as if they were afraid they’d catch something.
Fao’s joke about Harrison’s hair being longer than his didn’t go down well, just another reminder of how far he’d fallen.
As their plates were cleared, Harrison dug about in his pockets, pulling out his old, almost a brick of a phone. It wasn’t his normal phone, that one had ended up being sold before it could be stolen. It wasn’t worth much, but he offered it to Fao as payment. Of course the other wolf refused, rolling his eyes and telling Harrison not to be daft. He took it from him though, checked the charger needed, and promised Harrison they’d go grab a charger so at least they’d be able to keep in touch. After a little protest, he gave in, agreeing to nip to the shop with Fao.
It wasn’t far, the perks of it being a small town. Security on the door gave Harrison an odd look - he’d been caught trying to go through their bins a few times, and kicked out from their doorway more than once. With Fao by his side though, it seemed he could do anything. He gave him a grateful smile.
Fao grabbed a trolley-full of snacks and drinks, and then as a second thought, some quick meals. Harrison would be going back with him, he was certain. Hopefully.
Despite Harrison’s protests, he headed to the clothes section too - the clothes the other man wore weren’t dirty, but he could definitely do with some that weren’t threadbare and holey, and that hadn’t been washed in the sink of public bathrooms for months.
The longer they spent in the shop, the quieter Harrison became, only occasionally piping up with suggestions. His first aid kit was sorely lacking, his medications nearly all gone. Fao meant he wasn’t going to be kicked out - and he didn’t have to steal. Fao was happy to oblige; if Harrison was going to stay away, he needed to be able to take care and look after himself.
While Fao checked out, Harrison braced himself against the trolley. The lack of continuous interruptions from Fao only made him grow more and more tired, almost falling asleep standing up.
Fao was glad Harrison was finally letting him look after him. As they shopped, and Harrison grew more and more tired, Fao shot him a small smile. Braced against the trolley, he looked to be basically sleep walking. They’d gotten what they needed now, and it was getting late. Fao felt just as exhausted as Harrison looked. Resting a hand on his back, he ushered him to the tills.
They paid, shoved everything into their bags, and headed back to the hotel. They still got looks, but Fao countered them with his own, and hoped they didn’t bother Harrison too much. He’d be better in some new clothes, for sure.
Back in their room and away from the prying eyes of the general public, Fao tidied their things away, and flopped onto the bed with a sigh.
“Everything’s sorted now. Do you want to get some sleep before you pass out on me?”
“Not even tired.” He protested, running a hand through his hair.
“Sure.”
“Not a bit.” He said again, sinking onto the chair by the bed.
“Come sit on the bed?”
“I’m okay here.”
“You don’t look comfy.”
“It’s better than the floor.”
“Beds exist for a reason.”
“So do chairs.”
“Beds are for sleeping.”
“Fine. Shove over.”
BTHB - Anger Born of Worry
When Fao left on tour, he seemed to take most of Harrison’s sense and stability with him. The younger wolf began causing issues almost immediately, quickly squaring up to Sheila and Fred. Even Steve couldn’t control him, or his wolf.
After a particularly vicious moon, leaving both Harrison and Fred bruised and sore, things took a turn for the worse. He’d started on Finn, rounding on him over breakfast. They’d scrapped over nothing, Finn ending up landing on the floor rather roughly. He’d yelped immediately, scrambling away as he tried to protect himself. Still, Harrison didn’t stop.
The Daniels were furious, struggling to believe Harrison would do that to Finn, the kid he’d always adored. He was kicked out, the rest of the pack watching him as he collected his belongings. It was clear he wasn’t welcome.
Theo took him in, let him crash on his sofa while Steve patched Finn up - while he’d done what he could at the clinic, but it was clear he needed their hospital. Harrison, being bigger and more prepared, hadn’t fared too badly; a few cuts and scrapes that would heal soon enough.
While Theo’s offer was kind, Harrison couldn’t stay. He wasn’t sure if it was couldn’t or wouldn’t, but either way, he had to go. He left notes, an apology to Finn and then the Daniels, a few notes he’d saved up included to pay for the broken plates and chairs; another to Steve, for taking the chance on him and him screwing it all up, like he always did; one for Theo, a quick explanation and a (polite) request to not throw his stuff out, not that he deserved it; and finally, one for Fao. He wasn’t sure if it was a plead for him to come home safely, or an apology for everything he’d ever done. A love letter of sorts, things he’d never say out loud, but since he wasn’t coming back, that didn’t matter. Fao might as well know.
He waited until Theo had gone to bed, the older man offering to stay up and chat, sensing something was off. He’d declined, lied until he was left alone. Despite the other wolf trying to wait up, he’d drifted off, giving Harrison his opportunity.
He’d taken food from his cupboards - old stuff, nearly out of date, things he’d heard Theo complain about. It wasn’t like Harrison to just take charity, so he left some money too, under his letter of apology. With nothing left to do, he shouldered his backpack, shoved his rolled duvet under his arm and slipped out into the night.
When Theo woke and found Harison gone, he called everyone he knew, panic clear in his words. Nobody had seen or heard from him. And then, he found the letters.
The pack was out searching as soon as Theo raised the alarm - Harrison was still part of the pack, even after his actions. Everyone was distraught, worried about him - it wasn’t the first time he’d ran off, but everything felt wrong. His letters held too much finality, too much goodbye.
When Fao came back from his tour, it was to the family and the pack in chaos. Harrison missing was worrying, and the letter Fao read made his stomach twist. He was exhausted, just come back from war, but he threw himself into searching. Of course, after he’d spent some time with Finn. Something about what Harrison had said in his letter sent Fao searching further afield than he usually would. He spent days scouring the woods as wolf, sleeping under bushes despite the cold and wind. He clung to every hint of a scent, desperate to find him.
Haarrison kept his distance, travelled North. He’d never been far from London, only ever travelling to the south coast on the ‘family’ holidays he’d had. There was nothing for him in the north, but that was part of the (pull) of it. He wasted most of his money on hotels, trying his best to find somewhere to stay out of the cold and rain. There wasn’t much he could do; he couldn’t work, had to be careful where he left his leg when he shifted too. He did his best to hide his scent, to keep the pack from finding him, not that they’d be looking for him anyway.
The food was gone quickly too, despite his attempt to ration and hunt when he could. The idea of fish had quickly grown stale, rabbit and pigeon following suit.
He didn’t dare to beg, though would often find some safety in sleeping in doorways in city centres, his duvet wrapped tight around him. He was caught out a few times too, woken up to someone trying to rob him and beat him up. Bloody lip and bruised eyes left him more suspicious, made him sit awake at night. His black eyes grew into dark bags under his eyes, his tiredness past exhaustion.
With the days slightly warmer, more crowds flocked to the streets. His usual sleeping places disturbed by foot traffic and prying eyes. As much as he tried to sleep during the day, every instinct in him begged him to keep moving, to try and evade any search efforts that might still be going on. After all, he’d caused so much trouble within the pack, they’d surely still be out for blood.
It took Fao a long while to even get close to finding him. But his letter kept him going, scanning over each word to try and find any hint of where he was. It took him much further North than he expected. He lost the scent, and had pretty much given up as he headed into the town, very much human, in search of a hotel room to stay in and get cleaned up. But then he caught a scent again, and whilst he couldn’t be sure, it certainly seemed like him.
And there, curled up in a shop doorway, was Harrison. He was curled under a filthy duvet, and he smelled sick, but it was him.
Fao stopped dead.
“Harrison?Tomcat?”
He didn’t move at first. There was no way Fao had found him, not this far away. He sniffed quietly. Well, shit. Not one to give up, he pulled the duvet further over his head, trying to hide.
“Harrison?”
“No.”
“It’s only me.”
He sat up slowly, breathing deeply as he tried to check if it really was just Fao. The others wouldn’t be too far away. “Fao.”
“Hey, stranger.”
“What do you want?” He got stiffly to his feet, backed in the corner.
“Wanted to find you. Came back from tour and you’d gone.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve missed you, Tomcat.”
“So what have you come to do?”
“Came to find you. Your letter… Well, I…”
“I said what I said.”
“I was scared I’d lose you.”
“I’m not coming back.” He frowned. “If you’re going to kill me, just get it over with.”
“I’m not gonna kill you, don’t be daft.” Fao said. “But I swear I’ve been wolf for like a week, I was gonna get a hotel room, grab a shower and some food? Wanna come?”
“So you can tell the others where I am so theycan get me? Yeah, sure.”
“They don’t know I’m here, and I’m not going to tell them. I won’t tell them I’ve found you, if you’d rather not. But nobody wants to kill you.”
“Of course they do.”
“They don’t, Hars. They’re all really worried about you.”
He shook his head with a bark of a laugh. “Don’t be daft.”
“They are. Sheila’s a wreck.”
“She hates me.”
“She doesn’t.”
“They’re not my pack any more.”
“They’re always going to be your pack, Hars.”
He scoffed. “They kicked me out. I deserved it.”
“They told you to leave the house. That doesn’t mean you’re gone from the pack.”
“As good as.”
“Not at all.”
“I’ve said what I said, Fao. I’m not going back.” He squared his shoulders, clenched his jaw. “Just leave me alone.”
“Come on, let’s at least grab a shower, some hot food and sleep in a real bed tonight.”
He shook his head, though his heart desperately wanted to. “No, I’m not…I’ve got to go now.”
“No commitment. Have some food, a soft place to sleep. And then if you still want to walk away… I can’t stop you.”
“So you can kill me in my sleep.” He laughed drily or dryly whatever. “Yeah, sure.”
“You don’t trust me anymore?”
“I trust that pack will come before I do.”
“They’re not coming. I can’t even tell them, my phone is dead.”
“You can charge it.”
“Why would I tell them? I’m just here for you.”
“Because you all want me dead.”
“Wedon’t.”
He couldn;t allow himself the hope. “No.”
“I swear, tomcat. Swear on my life.”
Fao wouldn’t lie to him. “No, mate. It’s okay.”
“Come on, let’s get you warm and fed, eh?” Fao said, offering him a hand.
He flinched away; his back hit against stone and he groaned. “I’ve said no.”
Fao frowned, and stepped back. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know, I know.” He wrapped an arm around his stomach, protecting himself. “I know.”
Fao dropped his gaze, wolf body language taking over by default. “I’m just here to help you.”
“Honest?”
“Honest. I wouldn’t lie.”
He hesitated, almost giving in. “I’ve not got any money.”
“Let me worry about the money.”
“I’m not taking charity.”
“Do I look like a charity? You’re family, shut up and let me take care of you, tomcat.”
“I’m not family.” He spat.
“You are to me.” Fao said, folding his arms over his chest. “Don’t snap at me.” His tone betrayed where he’d been for the past few months, a hangover from his tour.
“I’ll do what I want.”
Fao raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t say a word.
Harrison’s lip curled. “What are you going to do?”
“Dunno. Figured I’d just wait for you to stop being an ass.
“I’m packing my shit and going.” He all but snarled, starting to roll his duvet up.
“Okay. You want a hand?”
“Does it look like I want a hand?”
“Well, you seem to be making this a big thing. Bit dramatic if you ask me, all I did was offer you some food and a warm bed.”
“You only offered so you’d have the chance to hurt me.”
“No I didn’t. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You have to.”
“No I don’t.”
“An eye for an eye.”
“Nobody cares about any of that crap.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying.”
“I’ll pay you back.” He softened.
“If you want to.”
“I will.”
“Come on then. Food, a shower and sleep in a real bed.””
“I’ll sleep on the floor.” He said. “Nothing I’m not used to.”
“No, come on. We’ll get you a good bed.”
He could fight it later. “Okay.”
Slowly, Fao offered Harrison his hand again. “Come on, then.”
Harrison shouldered his pack, then reached for Fao’s hand. “Thank you.”
“I’ve missed you.”
“Don’t be daft.”
“I really have!”
He didn’t say anything. He still wasn’t sure where he stood. There was no sign of ill intentions with Fao, but he couldn’t be too careful.
Fao sighed, but didn’t push it. Harrison was going to take time to trust him again. But he lead him to the hotel he’d planned on staying in, and managed to reserve a double room. They’d both have somewhere proper to sleep, hot water, and food that night and the next morning.
Harrison hesitated again. “Can I grab a shower?”
“Of course. You got some clean clothes?”
“Clean enough.”
“Grab some of mine, they’re clean. And we can buy some more for you.”
“It’s fine. I can wash them in the sink.”
“No, Hars. We’ll get you some nice clothes.”
“I’ve got clothes.”
“Clean clothes.”
“They will be once I’ve washed them.”
“Alright.”
“I told you,” he said gruffly. “I’m not taking charity.”
“I know. But there’s a difference between pity and help.”
“And I don’t think you know the difference.”
“Of course I do.”
“Then stop pitying me.”
“I’m not pitying you. I’m just trying to help.”
He scuffed his feet. “Feels a lot like pity.”
“But Tomcat, you think anyone who’s trying to help is pitying you.”
“Because it’s the same thing.”
“It’s not.”
“No?” He raised an eyebrow. “Could have fooled me.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“How far is the hotel?”
“Not far.”
“I’ve had enough walking.”
“It’s not too far. But I can carry some of your stuff?”
He jerked away. “It’s mine.”
“I’m not gonna take it. Thought it might just make the walk easier if you didn’t have so much to carry.”
“I always have to carry it. Otherwise someone would nick it.”
“I’m not gonna nick it.”
“You might.” He shrugged his backpack on again. “It’s fine.”
“Okay.” It hurt that Harrison didn’t trust him any more, but he didn’t know what else to do or say.
Harrison could sense the pain from Fao and he sighed. “It’s filthy anyway, I’m better off carrying it.”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“Not fair on you.”
“Not like I’m not fit.”
He huffed. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“So I’m happy to carry if you need it.”
“It’s okay.”
“Let’s get going, then.”
He sighed. “Yeah, sure.”
Fao led the way to the hotel, trying to keep a slow pace so Harrison didn’t have to rush.
Harrison hesitated outside, turning to Fao. “They’ll kick me out again.”
“No they won’t. They’ve been paid enough.”
“Still, they’ve seen the state of me.”
“You look fine, just a bit scuffed up.”
“I look homeless.”
“Well, Hars, I hate to break it to you, but you have been living on the streets.” Fao attempted to joke. “Come on, take my hoodie.” He pulled it over his head.
“You think I don’t know?” Harrison snapped at Fao.
“Sorry, sorry. Stupid joke. Come on, just take the hoodie, it’ll be alright. You’re clearly with me, so it’s fine.”
“And what about my shit?”
“I’ll carry it.”
“They won’t let you in.”
“Give it here, I’ll shove it in my bag?”
“Let me carry the bag though?”
“Sure, so long as you don’t break it.”
“I’m not going to.”
“Good.” Fao shrugged his bag off and rolled Harrison’s duvet and other crap up to shove it inside. “That’s alright?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” He swung it onto his back. “Thanks.”
“Let’s go, then.”
“Right.” He nodded. “After you.”
Fao led the way inside, glancing back at Harrison to make sure he was still following.
“I’m not going to run off. Don’t give me that look.”
“But you thought about it.”
“No.” He lied.
Fao raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. They got inside, and spoke to the person at the desk. He shot them some slightly odd looks, but Fao spoke in a way that dared him to give them shit, and nothing was said. They were given keys, and directions to the room. They headed up, and Fao unlocked the door to let Harrison inside. “Here we go. Much better.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Do you wanna grab a shower?”
“Yes please.”
“Go on, then.”
He glanced at Fao before heading into the bathroom, backpack still on. “Won’t be long.”
“Harrison. My pack, please?”
“It’s got my stuff in.”
“Take your stuff out?”
“Fine.”
“Thanks.”
He shoved his pack towards Fao. “I’m getting a shower now.”
“Yeah, go ahead. Enjoy it.”
He headed back into the bathroom, dumping his stuff on the floor before stripping. He ran the water hot, used as much shampoo and bodywash as he could, and just stood under the stream. It was a stark difference from his previous attempts at a shower, a hurried wash in the mcdonalds toilets. After washing his hair and body, he slumped down, sliding until he was sat on the shower floor. His head in his hands, he let himself cry, all his emotions coming to a head.
Fao gave Harrison plenty of time in the shower. He deserved his privacy, and it was no doubt the first shower he’d had in far too long. He sorted through the other wolf’s stuff, only to neatly fold it for now. He’d go through and wash it later for him. Even the duvet could be washed, he was sure. Of course he wanted to bring Harrison home, but if he chose to keep living this way, the best he could do was make him more comfortable.
Harrison eventually emerged from the bathroom, hair still dripping and a mess on his head. He was in slightly cleaner clothes, his others having also had a wash. When he saw Fao, his lip curled.
“I told you not to touch my stuff.”
“I just folded them for you.” Fao said, guarded. “That way you can pick out what wants washing and if anything needs fixing. It didn’t seem right, just leaving it in a pile on the floor. It’s all there, you can check it for yourself.“
"It’s not yours to touch.”
“Look, sorry. I was only trying to help.”
“I didn’t ask for your help!” He shot back, his wavering voice betraying him. “I didn’t ask for any of it.”
“Look, I don’t know what the fuck happened back home, I don’t care, but I’m your pack and I’m your family and we help eachother out when we end up in the shit! I’m not long back from fucking Afghanistan, and yet here I am with you, because I’m not just going to walk past and leave you to suffer. So get your head out of your ass and just let me help, for fuck’s sake. It’s not pity, it’s not charity, it’s me helping a friend. And I’m sorry I touched your stuff, I am. But I was only trying to make your life easier!”
Harrison didn’t say anything, visibly shrinking back on himself, his lip trembling. He turned away, grabbing his clothes and stuffing them haphazardly into his bag.
Fao softened, and stepped back. He’d gone too far, he knew he had, but Harrison was just so frustrating. It didn’t help just how worried he was about him.
“Look, Tomcat, I’m sorry…”
He shook his head, his wet clothes shoved on top. “Don’t.”
“Don’t go. I’ll leave you be, the room is yours. Don’t have to see my stupid face. But take it, sleep in a real bed, eat real food. For your own health.”
“It’s fine.” He tried to slink past Fao. “I’m fine.”
“No, Hars, you’re not fine.”
“I am.”
“You’re so far from fine it hurts. I read your letter, I really thought I was never going to see you again. I thought I’d lost you. Please, don’t go…”
He stopped, finally looking at Fao. “You weren’t meant to find me.”
“And yet I did.” Fao said, stepping closer. “Come on, don’t throw it all in now.”
“I can’t.” He shook his head, clenched his jaw to try and stop the tears that threatened again. “It’s already over.”
Fao couldn’t help himself, he pulled Harrison in for a hug, crushing him against his chest. “Oh, Tomcat, nothing is ever over.”
No. 31 - HURT & COMFORT
disaster zone | trauma | prisoner
Finn rushed down the stairs without a care in the world, his feet faster than his brain. From where he was stood at the top of the stairs, Fao tried to call out, but he couldn’t. It was as if his voice didn’t work.
His strangled cry for his brother to be careful was too late, as he tripped and fell. He landed in a broken heap at the bottom, his little body looking so lifeless, so wrong. And then there was the blood. So much blood, too much blood. For a moment Fao couldn’t move, and then suddenly he was crouched beside his brother.
He wasn’t breathing, his chest not moving at all. No pulse when Fao checked either. Just… nothing.
“Finn? Finn, don’t do this to me. Please, Finn.” He begged, as he struggled to start compressions. But someone pulled him away, dragged him off and told him it was a lost cause. He fought against them, screaming and crying out.
“Finn!” He screamed, the dream jolting into reality.
He’d screamed himself awake every night that week, but Finn had refused to leave his bed. He gently squeezed Fao’s hand, wrapping his other arm across his chest.
“It’s just a dream.”
Fao whimpered, curling into his brother. “Finn.”
“I’m right here. You’re okay.” He paused. “I’mokay.”
He exhaled shakily. “You’re ‘kay.”
Finn slowly moved their hands to his chest. “See? I’m okay. It’s just a dream.”
“You were…”
It wasn’t hard to guess what he’d been dreaming about. It plagued Finn’s nights more often than not. “I was. I’m fine now.”
Fao almost expected his hands to be covered in blood as Finn held them against his chest. But they weren’t, and he could feel the rise and fall of Finn’s chest as well as the rumble of his voice as he spoke. “‘M sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“I am, though.” Fao mumbled, burying his face against his brother. “Love you.”
“You saved my life. No reason to be sorry.” Finn told him. “You know I love you too.”
“It’s always…” Fao’s voice cracked, and he paused for a moment. “You’re always gone.”
“I’m not. I’m here. I’m fine.” He promised. “We’re okay.”
“Can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. We’re brothers.” He pushed himself up to look at Fao, barely visible in the darkness. “Nothing will take that away from us.”
No. 30 - DIGGING YOUR GRAVE
major character death | left for dead | ghosts
Blood. There was blood everywhere. Fao had never seen so much in his whole life. It covered his gloved hands, soaked into his combats, blurring the desert khaki.
The smell of it haunted him, filled his nose and choked him. The coppery, metallic scent. It had never bothered him, but it did now. He looked up at her, and the blood was matted into her blonde hair, staining the precious gold a dark crimson.
He fought to save her, speaking in soothing Gaelic to the woman he loved as he barked orders to the men and women around him.
She stirred, green eyes flickering open.
“F-Fao… A-am I gonna b-be okay?”
It broke his heart, to see her scared. Alex was never scared.
“Yeah sweetie, you’re gonna be just fine. You’re gonna go home and we’re gonna buy that big house you always wanted and I’m gonna marry you. Promise. I’ll let you pick the ring yourself.“
There was nothing he could do, as her eyes shut and her heartbeat stuttered and faded to asystole. He cried out, then, starting CPR even though he knew she was a lost cause.
“Let her go, Fao.” Someone called, though Fao didn’t know who. He couldn’t let go, couldn’t watch her fade away.
“No! I can’t!” He cried. He didn’t even know how long it had been. He kept up with the CPR, struggling. His shoulders ached and his hair was in his face- he needed a haircut. He wiped his bloody hands on his trousers and tried again. He kept going, though Alex’s lips were parted and chapped and there was a trickle of crimson over the dry chapped skin.
He felt strong arms on his shoulders, pulling him away from her. He fought it, but they dragged him away. He fought and he cried and he clawed at them, but still they dragged him away.
They let him into his tent, and left him crying on his camp bed, covered in his girlfriend’s blood. He staggered to the showers, stripped off his combats and stood under the lukewarm water, trying to scrub the blood off. He was crying, sobbing as he tried to get it all off. It clung to him, the smell still choking him. He gagged and then was sick, doubled over under the water. When he was done, he shut off the water, changed into something to sleep in and curled up on his camp bed. His commanding officer came in after a while, and told him that he was on leave effective immediately. They’d send him home as soon as they could, so he could make arrangements for her funeral.
He said he’d deliver the news to Alex’s parents himself. It had to be him, in person.
He couldn’t sleep, after that. Whichever way he laid just felt wrong, so in the end he gave up. He dressed, padded outside, and sat staring up at the stars with a cigarette.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for, long enough that the cold seeped into his bones. He’d forgotten how cold the desert got at night.
Eventually he found his phone, and managed to get his fingers to cooperate enough to call Sheila.
He held his breath as the phone rang, waiting for her to pick up. He knew it was late for them too, she’d likely be asleep. But he needed his mum. He needed her now more than ever.
Sheila answered, half asleep but panicking as she saw it was Fao. "Hello?”
“Mumaí…”
She sat up immediately, something in his tone sending dread through her. “What’s happened, sweetheart? I’m here.”
He was quiet for a minute, trying to find the words to tell her. She was just as much Sheila’s daughter as she was Fao’s other half. He sniffed, taking a deep breath.
“It’s ‘Lex.”
She let out a quiet gasp. “Fao.”
“She’s…”
He didn’t have to say it. She could already tell. “I’m so sorry, Fao.”
His voice cracked. “She’s gone.”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
He couldn’t help but start to cry again, sobs wracking his body. “She’s gone, Mumaí. Gone.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She was stuck, and gently shook Fred awake. “I’m right here.”
“‘m comin’ home.” He said softly. “Soon.”
“Of course, you’ve got to. We’ll be here, you can stay with us.”
Fred squinted at her. “What’s wrong?”
“Alex.”
“Need to… Need to tell her parents.” He managed to get out.
“Do you want to call them now?”
“No. Gonna… Gonna go see them. ‘ave to tell them in person.”
“Of course.”
He took a shaky breath, trying to pull himself together. “I miss her already.”
Sheila curled into Fred. “I know.”
“I don’t know how to…”
“Just hold on. For us. For Alex. She’d want you to.”
“Be home soon.” He said, and paused. “Zeus!” Alex’s dog would be so confused.
“He’ll have you. You’ll be okay. You both will.”
He stayed on the phone with her for a long time, mostly just sat sniffling in silence. But it was nice to know she was there, to hear her soothing him every so often.
Soon they sorted getting him back to England, and the plane journey home was agony. Even more so, knowing Alex’s body was in the hold beneath him.
He spent the whole trip curled up in his seat, trying to read but instead just staring blankly at his book. Once they landed, he dragged himself through the airport and into the coach that would take him home. To the flat he’d shared with Alex. Her stuff was everywhere, strewn across the bedroom haphazardly, as they’d packed to go away.
Unbidden, he started to cry.
He sat on the edge of the bed and sobbed. After a while, he couldn’t cry anymore, and he got up, sniffling as he tidied all of Alex’s things. Once he was done, he had a shower, smoked a cigarette and went to bed. He didn’t want to move, but he owed it to Rob, and to Helen.
It was painful to tell them, but it needed to be done. He felt better for saying it, too. Glad knowing it had been him to break the news to them, not some faceless officer they didn’t know. And they comforted him too. Helen hugged him and told him he’d always be a part of their family.
Back at home, he stripped off his dress uniform, pulled on some pyjamas and crawled into bed. He didn’t move for a week, save to go to the bathroom and to eat. Not that he ate much. Plain slices of bread, mostly. He smoked in bed, too, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Without her, there was no meaning to his life. It was an echo of those days after Finn’s accident, the complete loss of everything. The numbness, the apathy. It was like nothing in the world existed.
Sheila had tried to call in on him every day, but she was pushed away. Fred, too, was ignored, and Finn had been in no fit state to leave the house. Fred eventually convinced Sheila to give their eldest some space, but only after Fao had promised that he wouldn’t do anything stupid. They trusted him, and knew he had to grieve, one way or another. There was no right or wrong way, and Sheila wasn’t going to force him.
After a painful week, Fao heard a key in his door, then the creak of the hinges as it opened.
“Fao?” Came a voice, calling out into the dark flat. It was Tom, he thought. He rolled onto his front, not in the mood to talk to them. He heard his bedroom door open, but he still didn’t move. That was when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and he finally rolled over onto his back.
“Fuck off.”
“Fao.” That wasn’t Tom. It was Jake. He blinked open his eyes, and they were all there. Connor, Matt, Jake and Tom. The whole squad, except for Alex.
“We thought you’d need a hand. Sheila said she’d not heard from you in too long. We’re here, and we want to plan the funeral. With you.” Connor said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, so go and have a shower, and we’ll make you tea, then we’re going to sort this. All of us.” Matt told him, pulling the duvet back.
Fao didn’t have a choice. He dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, hissing as the hot water ran over the raised red scabs covering his forearms and thighs. He felt mildly better after he’d showered, and all of them headed to meet. Alex’s parents, Sheila too (Fred was at home, and whilst Sheila didn’t tell him why, Fao knew it was because of Finn), Alex’s brother, the rest of the squad.
They planned the funeral, piece by painful piece, and before Fao knew it, the day loomed.
The day before, he’d had his hair cut, and that morning he showered and shaved before pulling on his dress uniform, determined to make sure everything was perfect. The five of them in the squad, and Alex’s brother - an officer in the Air Force, carried the coffin into the church. They’d elected to keep it quite small, with only a few friends and close family. The coffin felt infinitely heavy. He couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks as he strode down the aisle of the little church, silently crying. He could hear the rest of his squad and Mark too, sniffing to themselves as they set the coffin down, saluted and then turned away, taking their seats. Fao sat with the family, surrounded by people he knew so well.
He surprised himself by getting through the eulogy he’d written, his voice only cracking and faltering on him once. He was glad he managed, glad he was able to give his girlfriend the send off she deserved.
He went back to Fred and Sheila’s afterwards, Fred bundling him in the car and saying something about it being too late to drive back to Birmingham. Zeus was already staying with them for now, an extra couple of days wouldn’t make any difference at all. They knew he needed his space, they had to at least try and trust him. The current state of Finn’s physical and mental health wouldn’t make things any easier, but they could have one night.
He sat on the back step of the house and smoked, lost track of how many he’d had. He needed the isolation, the distance from the rest of the family. It was well and truly dark, but as he sat out back he saw a fox trot through the garden, looking skinny but unafraid. It made him smile, despite everything, and he thought perhaps there was a piece of Alex still looking out for him. Looking out for all of them.
No. 29 - ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
“You’re still not dead?” | too weak to move | overworked
Finn had spent all week at work, and the week before that, and the week before that too. Despite the Daniels’ help, Jess was struggling. She had assignments and cases to do, on top of trying to look after Amelia. She wouldn’t change her daughter for anything, but she just needed a break. Just ten minutes to herself.
They were meant to have the Saturday off together, a rare occurrence anyway without their schedules acting against them. Instead Finn had pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and left her alone in bed, blaming some work emergency. He promised he’d be home for tea, and that he’d make it up to her another day, but she knew he wouldn’t be back before dark.
With their day ruined and Amelia somehow still asleep, she figured she might as well crack on with some of her work. It wasn’t going to do itself, after all. She could catch up on sleep later, once her casework was done. Just in case, she kept the baby monitor nearby, waiting for Amelia to wake up and start her demands. With a glass she wasn’t sure didn’t have wine in, she sat down to work.
Sheila had told Fao Jess was having a hard time, Finn working more and more with less time at home. He had the Saturday off, unlike his brother. He was alone though, Ely on shift as well. With Jess struggling, he decided to go over to see if he could give her a hand with Ameila, let her get some work done.
He let himself into the house, hesitant to call out in case Amelia was sleeping. He couldn’t find Jess anywhere obvious, so headed into her little office space.
“Jess?”
She jumped, spilling her glass. “Fucking hell, Fao.”
“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t want to wake Amelia if she was sleeping.” He said, glancing down apologetically. “Forgot I walk quietly.”
“Instead you give me a heart attack.”
“Sorry. Sheila said you were having a crappy time, with Finn doing overtime. Do you want me to take Amelia for the day?”
“I’d be fine without interruptions.”
“Sorry, sorry. Look, why don’t I take her, and then you won’t have any more?”
“I don’t need your pity.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Really? You think this is pity?”
“I think you sneaking in here and planning to take Amelia is pity, yeah.” Her voice wavered.
“I wasn’t going to take her without talking to you. She’s my niece, I just wanted to help…”
“I don’t need your help, I just need to get this done.” She stood, arms folded. “I don’t need any of your help. I can do this myself.”
“Sure. But you don’t have to. Surely getting your work done would be easier without Ameila needing something every five minutes?”
“It would be easier if Finn wasn’t constantly at work and my work gave me half an hour to myself.”
“Hence why I’m here.”
She groaned in frustration, turning away from Fao as the tears started to fall. She didn’t need their help, she had to do it by herself.
“Come on, let me take her out to the park or something. A few hours, give you some time to rest?”
“I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity.”
“How am I meant to do it, Fao?” She turned to face him. “I’m trying my best but I’m not getting anywhere.”
“That’s what family is for, Jess.”
“I…I know that. I’ve just got to do it.”
He moved closer. “Come on, if the roles were reversed you’d want to help me or Ely out.”
“Of course.”
“So let me give you a hand?”
“Thank you.”
“I can do the housework, too? Put some washing on, change your bed, make dinner? So you don’t have to stress.”
“No, no. That’s too much.”
“I don’t mind. I’d just be sat at home doing nothing, might as well make myself useful.”
She hesitated. Finn couldn’t cook, and it was safer that he didn’t. “Tea might be nice.”
“Yeah? I’ll sort things for you.”
Jess moved forward, wrapping her arms around Fao. “Thank you.”
The hug surprised Fao, but he wrapped his arms around Jess. “I’ve got you, don’t worry about it.”
“Finn’s lucky to have you for a brother.”
“I’m lucky to have you as a sister in law.”
She pulled back to wipe her tears away. “God, I’m sorry. You came over to help and I’ve just broke down on you.”
“Hey, it’s alright.” He said. “Break down all you like.”
“I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I never realised it was going to be this hard.”
“Finn being gone so much doesn’t help.” He said gently, squeezing her shoulder. “You’re doing an amazing job.”
“It’s just the icing on the cake.”
“Yeah. It’s rough. I hope he’ll get back onto a proper schedule soon.”
“I’m proud of him, he’s always wanted to be like you and he’s doing it. I just… it’s hard.”
“God, it’s so hard. I couldn’t do what you’re doing.”
“She makes it all worthwhile, you know? Her little smile makes it all better.” She sighed. “Her screaming in the middle of the night doesn’t though.”
“She’s gorgeous, but she’s just as high maintenance as her dad.”
“Maybe more so.”
“Probably.”
“Takes after me too.” She tried to joke.
“Only the good bits, I’m sure.”
“Days like today, I’m not sure I have any good bits.”
“You do. Have you had any decent sleep? Why not give yourself a couple of hours?”
“I haven’t got time.”
He hugged her again quickly, and then pulled back. “I’ll stop distracting you, I’m sure you’ve got so much to do. Just shout if you need me though, yeah?”
“Thank you, Fao. For everything.”
“Anything for family.”
No. 28 - IT’S NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD
“Good. You’re finally awake.” | nightmares | panic
Returning home after his injury was odd. Easter things were still strewn around the house, Easter eggs still waiting to be eaten, but he had no memory of any of it. Everyone treated him like he was going to break, and half the time, he believed them. His whole world had turned upside down in a matter of moments, and he no longer knew where he stood.
Though they tried to keep it as normal as possible, it couldn’t have felt further from it. They’d all become used to being in hospital with Finn, used to all the busy of the ward and rehab. There were no longer strict mealtimes, observations every few hours, or the nurses popping in for a chat. The only normal thing was his bedtime.
After a day being home, Finn was all too glad to go to bed. He changed into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth before clambering into bed. Fao, of course, read him a bedtime story, staying until Finn fell asleep.
When Finn woke again, it was dark. He stretched out slowly, finding Lion under the covers and pulling him closer. He tried falling back asleep by himself, but he just couldn’t drift off. Things felt wrong and he couldn’t settle. It was easy to make up his mind, grabbing his blanket and lion before padding into Fao’s room.
“Fao?” He whispered into the darkness. “Fao?”
Fao stirred, lifting his head in the darkness of the room before he reached out to flick the light on. “Finn? You okay?”
He squinted at the light, scrubbing at his eyes as he made his way to Fao’s bed. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh, come snug then.” Fao said, moving over and pulling the duvet back.
Finn clambered into bed, wriggling to find the right spot. He tucked himself against Fao’s chest and sighed happily. “Night.”
“Night, Finn. Sweet dreams.”
His dreams were the opposite, nightmares mixed with reality and twisted into something worse. He woke with a panicked cry, trying to push himself away from the nurses holding him down again. When they didn’t immediately let go, he screamed.
Finn woke Fao long before he woke up. His brother wriggled in his sleep, digging his elbow into Fao’s ribs. He kicked out, getting Fao in the shin as well. Despite his attempts to wake him up, Finn was truly fast asleep until he startled awake and tried to push Fao away. He wasn’t exactly strong, and so when Fao didn’t move, he screamed.
“Hey, hey. Finn. It’s me, it’s Fao. You’re safe.”
Between the panic and (word?), Finn couldn’t hear him. He kept fighting, struggling with the duvet and the hands forcing him into the bed. His hands curled into fists as he tried desperately to get away.
Fao sat up. “Finn? It’s me, it’s Fao.” He said slowly.
Finn had finally escaped from the duvet and he backed up against the wall. His chest heaved as he tried to figure out where he was. It was too quiet for the hospital, but he could hear Fao in the dark. His nails dug into his legs as he tried to catch his breath.
“You’re alright.” Fao soothed. “You’re safe, you’re at home.”
The light flicked on. “Boys? What’s wrong?”
Fao looked up, the big lights making him squint. “Nightmare, I think.”
Finn dived for Fao, burying into his brother’s side. He gripped onto him tightly, fingers digging into his skin.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I’ve got you.”
“Do you need anything?” She asked quietly.
“Maybe some water?” Fao asked softly.
She nodded and quietly slipped away. Finn had chosen Fao for comfort, she might as well help how she could.
Finn struggled to catch his breath, pressing closer to Fao. Tears streamed down his face and he whimpered softly.
“I’m here, you’re okay. Take a deep breath, yeah? Copy me.”
“Tryin’.” He managed between sobs.
“You’re doing really well.” Fao encouraged gently. “Well done.”
He shook his head, he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t doing well at all.
“It’s okay. You’re safe now, just me and you.”
He pressed closer, curling further into Fao’s side. Fao was a comfort, he always had been. He was always there for him, had always protected him and stood up for what he needed, especially when he couldn’t do so himself.
“I’ve got you. Mum’s gone to get some water, you’re doing so well. Focus on trying to slow those breaths a bit. Well done.”
Slowly, he began to calm his breathing, focusing on Fao and copying him. Sheila returned with a glass of water for each of them and silently placed it on the bedside table beside them. She shot Fao a look, but didn’t dare to disturb them. As she left, she flicked the lights off, quietly pulling the door to.
Fao flashed his mum a smile, grateful for the water and the quiet. “Well done Finn, that’s it. Shall we have some water, hmm? Gotta be thirsty from all that crying.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Just stay here then, hmm?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to try and sleep?”
“Not tired.”
“Shall we at least get comfy?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“No point not being comfy. Have you got Lion?”
“He’s here somewhere.”
“Shall we find him?”
“‘Kay.”
Fao moved to push the duvet back, looking for the stuffed animal. He was easy enough to find, thankfully, and Fao handed him to his brother. “Here.”
“Thank you.” Finn said quietly.
“It’s okay. You cuddle up to Lion, yeah?”
“And you.”
“And me.”
“Tell me a story?”
“What sort of story?”
“A good one.”
“A good one, eh?”
He nodded. “Please.”
“Alright. A good story…” Fao moved under the duvet a little, getting comfortable before he started to talk. He kept his voice low, in order to try and get Finn to feel sleepy again.
No. 27 - I’M FINE. I PROM…
passingout | vertigo | collapse
part 1// part 2
Fred was too drunk to drive, and Finn wasn’t allowed his licence, so they had to call a taxi while Fao travelled with the ambulance. Finn had quickly packed a bag, just some clean clothes and snacks, out of habit more than anything. He grabbed his Lion and Fao’s eeyore as a just in case.
They met Fao and Sheila at the hospital, She looking a lot worse for wear. Fao had his arm around her, letting her lean into him as she complained quietly. It was slightly amusing to him, after the many hours they’d spent with the roles reversed.
Fao looked up at the two of them as they appeared. “Hey. All okay?”
Finn rolled his eyes as he sat next to Fao. “Dad’s pissed, what do you think?”
“Bet that was a fun taxi ride. The ambulance wasn’t much better.”
“You didn’t have to have a history lesson.” He grumbled. “How long is the wait?”
“Long enough.”
Fred leaned over. “It’s a shame we’re not in Germany.”
“I dunno, my German is shocking.” Fao muttered. “Probably best we’re in London.”
“Maybe, but we could have had beer in Germany. Do you know what beer is in German? Bier.”
“Think we’ve had enough beer, Dad.”
“That’s what got you into this mess.” Finn added.
“I’m not drinking again.” Sheila groaned. “So definitely no beer.”
“Mum’s got the right idea.” Fao pointed out. “Hopefully we’re not waiting too much longer, you’re probably going to need a head CT.”
“I didn’t even pass out.”
“Maybe so, but you took a decent whack to the head and the alcohol makes it hard to see what’s drunk you and what’s head injury you.”
“But I was drunk before I hit my head.”
“I know. But it makes it difficult to tell if anything new comes up.”
She sighed, reaching a hand to touch the bandage again. “Is it still bleeding?”
“Looks it. Try not to touch.” Fao said, taking her hand.
“But I can’t see it otherwise.”
“You don’t need to see it.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t, mum.”
“Just leave it be.” Fao said gently.
Soon enough they called her through, leaving Fao and Finn to coral both drunk parents. It wasn’t exactly easy, and it was safe to say Fao understood quite how they’d met, now. Drunk Fred would definitely throw up in a plant and end up marrying the person the plant belonged to.
Sheila’s scans were clear, and they were satisfied it was just a simple head injury. They’d left the family waiting in a cubicle while they checked over the scans, and so the nurse returned with an apology.
“Sheila Daniels? I’m just going to do a quick set of observations and then we’ll get started on stitching you back up.”
“Does it really need stitches?” Fred asked from the corner, feeling rather worse for wear and just wanting to be anywhere but hospital. “Can’t you just glue it? Get it done.”
The nurse smiled. “Stitches are better for this one, I’m afraid. Won’t take long.”
“Quickly, then.” Fred said to the floor.
“We’ll get you all home soon. It’s late, isn’t it?”
“We were all ready for bed, I think.” Fao said, rubbing Sheila’s arm.
“I’m definitely ready for bed.” Sheila agreed.
“Just a few stitches, and we’ll be sorted.” Fao told her.
The nurse was quick with the obs, and then set out her stuff to stitch. “Alright Sheila, just a sharp scratch, okay?”
She nodded. “Sorry. Meant to be still, aren’t I? I’m ready.”
“That’s alright, it’s instinct to nod, isn’t it?” She reassured, and once she was still and settled, she set about giving the local. “That’s it, well done.”
Fred had only been growing more pale with the discussion of stitches, but as soon as she started injecting the local, it was too much. His legs gave out and he dropped to the floor, Finn desperately trying to keep him from smacking his head.
“Dad?”
Fao looked up just to see Fred hit the floor, Finn doing his best to stop him. “Oh, shit.” He muttered, rushing over. “Nothing’s ever simple with this family.”
More doctors quickly swarmed the room, checking Fred over. He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but a quick glance at Sheila made things clear. The sight of the needle made his stomach flip and he passed out again.
Fao gave a hand where he couldn’t, murmuring that he was a registrar up in Birmingham. There wasn’t a lot they could do, but he urged the nurse to get Sheila sorted quickly.
“I’ll stay with dad.” Finn promised as they were separated, shooting his mum a small smile. “Won’t be long.”
“It’ll be alright.” Fao reassured.
Fred came to with a sore head and Finn staring down at him rather disapprovingly. “Is there something you want to say?”
“I’m not the biggest fan of needles.” He admitted quietly.
No. 26 COMFORT (Alt. 8)
It was flu season, and despite vaccinations and precautions, Harrison had managed to catch it. Work was bad enough with pressures, but after a few days struggling through, he had to give in and rest. Fao’s place was the natural decision, and it allowed his boyfriend to look after him too.
Fao was only too happy to look after Harrison. He’d helped him out when he’d been ill not long ago, and he was just glad that his boyfriend had admitted he needed time to rest. He welcomed him inside, shepherding him into the warm.
“Hey, tomcat.”
Harrison pouted. “Bed?”
“Yeah, bed. I’m gonna make soup.”
He gave his boyfriend a grateful smile. “Thanks.”
“And hot chocolate, if you want it. Go on up, I’ll be up in a minute. Arrow’s waiting to keep you company.”
“Thank you.” He called back downstairs, voice rough.
“Anything for you, Tomcat.” Fao replied, heading into the kitchen whilst his boyfriend got settled. He started the soup off, leaving it to simmer away for a few hours, and then made a hot chocolate to bring up. It always made him feel better, and it was the least he could do.
Harrison had made himself at home under the duvet, wrapped tightly around him and Arrow. He was wrapped around the dog, trying to keep warm.
Fao pushed the door open with his foot. “Hars? I’ve got you hot chocolate.” He said softly as he slipped inside. “If you can escape your duvet cocoon.”
“A straw and then I don’t need to move.”
“You’ll get too hot if you stay under there.”
“Don’t start that bullshit. I’m freezing.”
“When did you last have meds?”
“An hour ago?”
“Will have to wait a bit then.” Fao murmured, and put the mug down on the bedside table before he moved to lay with Harrison.
“You’ll get sick too.” He protested weakly as he curled into Fao.
“I’ll be alright.”
“I don’t want you to be ill.”
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”
Harrison made a quiet noise in protest, but Fao was warm and he was too comfortable to move.
“Just let me look after you, eh?”
“Why do you think I’m here?”
“True.”
“I feel absolutely shite.”
Fao ran a hand through Harrison’s hair. “I know. You feel really warm.”
“I like that.” He murmured. “Don’t stop.”
“Yeah?”
He hummed happily. “Yeah.”
“I won’t stop, then.”
“Good.”
“You’re cute when you’re ill.”
“I’m not cute. I feel like I’m dying.”
“Nah, you’re cute. Because you’re all snuggly.”
“I’m ”snuggly“ because you’re warm.”
“You’re cute.”
“I’m not.”
Fao moved to press a kiss to the top of Harrison’s head. “Mm, you keep telling yourself that.”
He sniffed, and then let out a low groan. “I will.”
“Your hot chocolate is on the side.”
“I’ll have a drink and then I’m gonna nap.”
“Napping is good. Just didn’t want it to get cold.”
“Then it would be cold chocolate.”
“Not the same, eh?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Marshmallows?”
“Yeah, put some little ones in there.”
That swung it and he slowly pushed himself upright. He groaned at the change of position, nausea rising. He took a few moments to breathe before reaching for the mug.
“Thanks, Fao.”
“Anything for you.”
“Sap.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Harrison drank the chocolate, savouring the marshmallows. Fao had always made the best hot chocolate, even when they used the same packet. He settled down to sleep after that, curled on Fao and as content as he could be.
Fao stroked through Harrison’s hair as he drifted off to sleep, glad his boyfriend was resting. God knows he needed it. If he was honest, he drifted off after a while too, warm and comfy with nothing better to do.
When Harrison woke, he felt infinitely worse. His hair was plastered to his forehead, but he was freezing cold. His body ached and burned, and the pain in his head was crushing. He pressed closer to Fao.
Fao stirred, aware Harrison was burning hot against him. “Hey, Tomcat. You alright?”
He shook his head, already in tears. “No.”
“Hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Fao said gently. “It’s alright, I know you feel rotten.”
“I’m dying.” He wasn’t exaggerating.
“I know it feels like that.” Again, Fao ran his hand through Harrison’s hair, unbothered by how sweaty it was. “I’ve got you. You’re gonna be alright.”
Harrison shook his head, making his way further on top of Fao. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m right here, I’ve got you.”
“Stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m here.”
He nodded. That was good enough. He was too tired to argue any more, and slowly lost the fight keeping himself awake. He pressed closer to Fao again, fast asleep.
No. 24 - ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO
self-induced injuries to escape | flashback | revenge
Finn was late for uni. He’d slept in and was rushing around his room, trying to find his notes and laptop. He made it to the front door before he remembered his headphones.
With a groan, he headed back upstairs. They were by his bed and he grabbed them with a grunt. He called a goodbye to everyone - still in bed, the lucky sods - and hurried downstairs.
He was almost at the bottom when Apollo shot past him, causing him to startle and trip. He caught himself before he fell, but it didn’t stop the panic.
He made it to the bottom without further incidence and took a moment to catch his breath. His heart was racing and his mind elsewhere. His alarm rang from his pocket, pulling his attention and distracting him for a moment. He needed to catch the bus. With a few minutes to spare, he grabbed his bag and rushed out the door.
By the time he got sat on the bus, his heart was racing even faster. His chest heaved and he struggled to slow it down. He could feel his myos starting to flare, electric shocks shooting up his spine.
As always, they drew stares and dirty looks, but there was nothing he could do about it. He shoved his earphones in, trying desperately to distract himself. His hands shook as he typed, but Jess was asleep and didn’t reply. He tried Fao.
Fao are you up?
Of course Fao was up, he always was. Seeing Finn’s message worried him, and he immediately called his brother back.
Finn answered. “Can you just talk to me?”
“Is everything alright?” Fao asked, rolling over in bed.
“Fine. Just talk to me.”
He hummed. “Can’t promise I’ll be interesting, but sure. I had a really weird surgical list yesterday, I swear my boss is waiting for me to trip up and make a mistake. I know why they’ve got me doing routine electives, they want to know I’m not some crazy army cowboy who’s just got consultancy that’s going to go around killing trauma patients, but it’s so counterproductive. How many routine elective cholecystectomies did I do in Afghanistan? A big fat zero. Sure, I know what I’m doing, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, my boss was scrubbed in with me all day and it’s so fuckingintimidating having the clinical lead peering over your shoulder the whole time when you’re trying to remember what you’re doing. It’s infuriating. So they’re giving me the most routine, boring, run of the mill cases, and it’s driving me insane. I’m glad to be working and all, don’t get me wrong, but I’d kill for something juicy, to show them what I’m really made of. Ollie had loads of interesting trauma yesterday and what do I get? Gallbladders. So many gallbladders.”
Fao’s rambling helped a little, pulled his attention from the racing of his heart. He was glad Fao was working again, it gave him a purpose and something to work towards. He cleared his throat.
“That’s rude.”
“Eh, I’ll get over it. There’ll be trauma eventually, there always is. And Ollie will go back to broken hips and he’ll tease me about it. You on your way to uni? Maybe you can find my boss and tell him that gallbladders are boring and your big brother wants some real work.”
“Yeah maybe.”
“Arrow misses you. You should come over after uni, come see him and give him some love. He’s gotten so big since you last saw him, you wouldn’t believe it. He’s such a menace, too. Chewed my socks to shreds.”
Finn took a beat to reply. “Ollie?”
“No, no. Arrow. Thankfully Ollie doesn’t chew my socks too, otherwise I’d be looking for a new housemate. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“No. I can’t breathe.”
“Alright. You’re okay, yeah? You’ve got me, I’m right here.” Fao said gently.
“Except you’re not.”
“I’m on the end of the phone. Where are you? I can come and get you.”
“I’m on my way to uni.”
“I can meet you there?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“I’ll stay on the phone with you. Have you got any friends with you?”
“Think they got the earlier bus.”
“Alright. I’m just getting dressed.” He said gently, getting up.
“Driving?”
“I’m gonna have to, but it won’t take long.”
“It’ll take forever.”
“It won’t, I promise.”
Finn stayed quiet, trying to breathe through the feeling he was going to pass out. He rested his head against the window, groaning quietly.
Fao struggled to throw some clothes on, talking nonsense to Finn as he did. He was quickly in his car, driving out to the uni to get Finn.
Luckily for Finn, the bus driver knew him, and his seizures. When the young man didn’t get off he waited a moment and called down to him. Embarrassed but extremely grateful, Finn stumbled off the bus and headed inside to wait for Fao.
Fao arrived at the uni not long after the bus, rushing to find his brother, worry curling in his stomach. He didn’t want a public seizure if he could help it, it always made things awkward for Finn.
Finn glanced up as Fao finally arrived, almost crying in relief.
Fao reached out to pull his brother in for a hug. “I’ve got you. Come on, let’s get you home.”
He let Fao hug him, but didn’t stand. He didn’t trust his legs to hold his weight.
“I slipped on the stairs. Pollo ran past me.”
“Startled you, eh?”
He took a shaky breath as he shook his head. “I’m missing near a month around then, but I still remember falling.”
“Oh, Finn.” Fao breathed. “It’s alright.”
“It’s not.” He bit back a sob, picking at his sleeves. “None of this is.”
Fao sat down next to him. “I know it’s tough. When you have those… fragments of memory, it sucks. Something will just drag you back there and it really throws you off.”
“You don’t get it. There’s just nothing and then…” He visibly curled in on himself. “You don’t get it.”
“No, I know.” He said softly.
“I close my eyes and I’m back there. I’m not meant to remember any of it. But I do.” He shook his head. “It’s that bit, over and over and over again. It never goes away.”
“The feeling of falling?”
“It’s the same as before a seizure starts.”
Fao rubbed his brother’s arm. “I can’t ever really understand. I’m sorry.”
“It felt like the world was ending. Everything was on fire and I couldn’t even breathe.” He swallowed thickly.
Fao took a deep breath. “Oh, Finn.”
“Sometimes I wake up and I can’t move, and it’s that all over again.”
“I…”
“Sometimes you’re there, sometimes I’m alone. But it always plays out the same.”
“It’s hard.”
“It’s the same thing.”
“Yeah, and this morning has brought it all back, I bet.”
“It was my nightmare.”
“Yeah. Shall we get you home?”
“Yours.”
“Yeah, mine.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
No 23 - NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE (Alt. 11)
part 1//part 2
Fao’s hands burned across his skin, barely conscious but unfortunately aware enough to feel the pain. His breath hitched, a quiet gasp of pain. The fog was too thick to fight through, unable to force his eyes open.
Fao took a step back, looking Harrison over as he called Steve. Harrison’s clothes were ripped and torn, drenched in blood. His face was swollen, his cheek obviously disfigured. His left arm was pointed in all different directions, and his hand, bloody and bruised, was tucked to his chest. With each breath his ribs shifted in different directions, grating and rubbing against each other. His legs were even worse; while his prosthesis was nowhere to be found, his other leg was so obviously broken, the bone sticking through the skin. There was too much blood, far too much blood.
Steve answered, on a break from theatres. “Fao, morning. What’s up?”
“I’ve found Hars.”
“Is he alright?” Something in Fao’s tone had already given him the answer.
Fao took a breath. “No, he's… He’s a state. He’s got a compound fracture to his left leg, his left arm is broken too. Ribs are… Well, ribs are fucked, and his prosthetic is gone.”
“Shit. Where are you? I’ll get Trauma out to you.”
“On the edge of our land. North edge.”
“Conscious?” Steve asked, turning to gesture at the receptionist as he scrawled instructions down. “Get as many obs as you can.”
“I’ve got no kit.”
“You’ve got your phone.”
“Hang on, then.”
Steve was worried beyond belief. With the trauma team alerted and starting to prepare, he had no choice but to head out to find Fao. He didn’t have all the equipment the team had, but he could do something. The car tyres spun as he rushed out, and he swore quietly, trying to keep the worry from overwhelming him.
On his knees next to Harrison, Fao carefully took as many obs as he could. It wasn’t a lot, and the numbers he was getting weren’t exactly comforting. The younger man was in a bad way, and there wasn’t much he could do about it either. He’d seen patients like this at work, overseas, but not without a kit, or a senior, or someone else. He was all alone, and there was nothing he could do other than try and stop the bleeding. He tugged his shirt off, the only thing he had to put pressure on, and the cool air made him shudder. He just had to hope Trauma found them soon.
Steve found them before the team did, lugging his bag as he ran. He could smell the blood a mile off, and it made his stomach turn. It didn’t smell good at all.
“Steve!” Fao called, catching sight of the other man.
“Fao. Thank God I’ve found you. North edge is a lot of land.” He gave the other man a forced smile as he knelt to assess Harrison. “Fucking hell.”
“Sorry. Was out running, wasn’t exactly keeping track of where I was.” He murmured. “He’s not good, tachy and his resps are shocking. Think he’s just conscious, but he slips in and out. I’ve done my best with the bleeding, but…”
Steve nodded. “Did a good job. Grab some kit and keep going.” He rested a gentle hand on Harrison’s cheek. “Stay with us, okay? We’ve got you. Just hold on.”
Wiping his bloody hands on his shorts, Fao reached for the kit. “How far out is trauma?”
“Too far.” He leaned back on his haunches. “Do as much as you can. I’ll bring the truck, we’ll get him back to the clinic. It’s not enough, but it’ll have to do.” Steve didn’t have much of a choice. They either tried to get him to the clinic, or he’d die in the dirt. At least they’d know they’d done their best.
“Redirect trauma there? They can meet us.” Fao muttered. “To think I thought Afghanistan was bad. Fucking hell.”
“Exactly. It’s the same distance for them.”
“Saves them wasting time looking for us.”
He nodded as he stood. “I’ll be five minutes. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Keep him…” He trailed off, gave Fao a nod and ran off again.
“Yeah, got it.” Fao replied, not even looking up.
As Fao pressed hard against a wound, Harrison let out a quiet groan, struggling to breathe against the pain.
“I know, Tomcat, I know. We’ve got you.”
Steve returned as quick as he could, backing the truck as close as he could get. He jumped out and lowered the back. “We okay?”
“Well, that depends on your definition of ‘okay’.” Fao muttered. “We’re the same.”
“I’ll take that as okay. Help me get him in?”
“Yeah. Ready?”
“As careful as we can.”
Despite their soft hands, the movement jolted Harrison. He screamed in pain, trying to pull away from them.
They didn’t stop as Harrison screamed, quickly getting him in the back of the truck. Fao kept the kit close by, and then hopped up next to him. “You drive, yeah? I can try and keep him stable back here.”
“Thanks. Just shout if you need anything.” Steve told him, before he started the car and sped off. He kept glancing in the rearview, praying to a god he no longer believed in. He couldn’t lose Harrison again.
It was a job to stay upright as Steve sped through the territory, and Fao tried his best to keep Harrison stable. He just had to make it to the clinic, they had more there, he’d have a better shot at helping him there.
Steve had managed to source a couple of people to help out, some staff already working and others called in for the emergency. They met him at the clinic entrance, trauma board ready.
It was a smooth and practiced transition, getting Harrison into the theatre and everything connected. He barely made a noise, the pain finally too distant to hurt him. As Fao had found, his reps were through the roof, as was his heart rate. His sats were awful, and the blood pressure kept cycling, refusing to give a number.
It was impossible to find a vein through the swelling and bruising, their limited options quickly exhausted. They weren’t left with much else of a choice when Steve grabbed the kit, turned Harrison’s head to the side and apologised to the younger wolf. It was luck, pure luck that he managed it, the cannula flushing back and ready.
“Let’s get him out.”
Fao had been turning the room upside down, looking for meds and kit that they’d need. Induction drugs were already laid out, and he handed them to Steve. They didn’t have a massive stock of human meds, but they kept enough.
“Have we got blood to transfuse?”
“We’re getting it. Has to be wolf.”
“He needs it now.”
“Fluids are up.”
“Fluids won’t be enough.” Fao said. “I can donate, right?”
“I need you treating, Fao.”
“I can do both. Bloods out, fluids in, I can treat.”
“No.”
“How long will bloods take at this rate?”
“Fao, I need a chest drain in.”
“I’m on it.” He muttered, though it was hard. His landmarks were fucked, ribs shifting under his touch, bone grating on bone. Muttering under his breath in a mix of English and Gaelic, he made his incision and hurriedly passed the tube in. It was more blood for him to lose, Fao all too aware he’d need more, and soon.
Steve glanced over at Fao’s work, mentally ticking it off. He gave it a moment to work, blood pouring through the tube, but it didn’t help. Harrison had reached his limit, his body had started to give up and was starting to decompensate.
“Right, fuck it. Fao, blood.”
“I can’t cannulate myself.” He muttered. “I’ve tried.”
One of he techs grabbed him, steering him to a chair. Fao’s veins were shit, everyone knew that, but Harrison’s life was on the line. No time for niceties, they cannulated as quick as they could.
Fao didn’t fuss, and he was glad when everything was in. It was made easier by his run, the way he was completely on edge, still so hot and strsssed. Better warm than freezing cold. He’d managed to throw on a scrub top now, and they set up to transfuse.
Steve wasn’t happy with the set-up, but it was dirty medicine. Not everything could be perfect all the time. As long as it worked, it didn’t matter.
Fao didn’t like it either, but he didn’t have a choice. If it would stabilise Harrison, it would buy them time.
Their hail Mary worked. Finally they got a blood pressure from Harrison. It was terrible, of course, and ready to bottom out again, but it was there. Slowly things started to stabilise again, allowing Steve to take a breath.
More blood was pushed, as was the sedation, and they gradually clawed back some control. Blood was still pouring from the chest drains, and Steve was sure there were more internal bleeds. It wasn’t something he was happy opening on his table, so he just hoped Trauma would hurry up.
With Harrison out, they also put his leg back in place. It was a struggle, and they weren’t sure how long it had been out. He was already at high risk for infection, and that just made it a million times worse. They knew if he made it through all this, it was going to be a long recovery. Nerve damage, chronic pain, and poor mobility threatened his recovery. Steve wasn’t sure he’d make it through it. He wasn’t convinced there wasn’t going to be another amputation.
No. 22 - REGRET (Alt. 12)
Ely is stolen from @epochandeons as per usual :)
“I don’t understand why you’re in such a mood with me!” Fao exclaimed, exasperated. Ely had been off with him since he’d come in late the night before, and he’d finally lost it with her.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because you’ve done close to an 80 hour week this week! I hardly see you, and you’re supposed to be taking things easy! You’re not long after major surgery, or had you forgotten that bit?”
“I’m recovered, I’m fine! I got the all clear to come back to work.”
“You got the all clear to take it easy at work! You’re so bullheaded!”
“It’s not my fault the department is down two surgeons. I have to work otherwise we’d have no trauma cover! You know what it’s like.”
“Not to the point of working yourself to death. They can get locums in, you’re going to end up hurting yourself Fao!”
“I’m not going to hurt myself.” He snapped. “I’m fine. You can’t wrap me in cotton wool forever, let me life my fucking life!” He turned away from his girlfriend, grabbing his boots. “I’m taking the dog for a walk, I’m not having this conversation anymore.”
“Oh, so we’re just going to ignore it, then. Sounds about right, you ignore everything else.” Ely retorted sarcastically.
“Oh, charming.” He muttered, resting his leg on the edge of the bed to tie his laces.
Finn had been standing outside his brother’s door for most of the argument. He’d been about to knock before the raised voices, and he’d hesitated. His stomach was still flipping though, and he knew he couldn’t leave it. He couldn’t risk being alone.
He knocked gently. “Fao? Ely?”
Ely frowned. “Finn? What’s wrong?” She called.
“Can I come in?”
Ignoring Fao, Ely crossed the room to open the door. “Are you alright?”
He shook his head. “Feel all wrong. Didn’t want to be alone.”
Leg still up on the bed, Fao twisted to look at his brother, concerned. “Finn?”
“I need help.”
“Why don’t you sit down?” Ely said gently.
“Can’t.”
“Sit on the bed.” Ely told him.
She didn’t get it. “Can’t.”
Fao twisted further, trying to work out what the hell was going on. Really, he should have known better, but he wasn’t thinking. Finn was always his priority. That was, until pain overwhelmed him, and he struggled to stay upright. “Fuck.’
Finn was too distracted to pay attention to Fao, grabbing at Ely to stop himself falling.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Ely muttered, struggling to help Finn. “Fao, what’s going on?”
“Uh, I, fuck. Think I’ve done my hip.”
“The fuck do you mean done?!”
“Well, uh, it hurts.” He said weakly. “I think it’s dislocated. I’ll live. How’s Finn?”
“Ely.” Finn managed between absences and myos. “’s Fao?”
Desperately trying not to keel over, Fao grabbed at the bed and tried to sit. “Ely, there’s midaz in my bedside drawer.”
“Why can’t the two of you just take it in turns?” She grumbled, grabbing Finn’s meds. “Fao, are you going to be alright?”
“I need help getting on the bed.” He whimpered.
Finn finally lost his fight against the seizure, slipping under and convulsing.
Keeping an eye on the time, Ely swore as Finn started to seize. But there wasn’t a lot she could do, and so rushed to help Fao.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Fao groaned. The pain was immense, but he was more worried about Finn. He couldn’t help manage the seizure, couldn’t do much of anything. He was settled enough, and then pushed his girlfriend’s hands off of him. “Sort Finn, not me.” He snapped.
Ely knew better than to argue with him, and wordlessly crouched next to Finn. They at least had pillows to protect him a little, but really it was a waiting game until they could give Midaz. She just hoped he resolved before then.
It did, thankfully. It still left him unconscious and out of breath, his tongue bleeding and running down his cheek. Finn didn’t move, taking his time to come round.
Worried, Ely took a quick set of obs (as many as she could, anyway, and then left Finn to come round in his own time, propped up on his side. She turned her attention to her boyfriend, but one look told her all she needed to know.
“Well, that’s dislocated.”
“I can’t fucking believe this.”
No. 20 - LOST & FOUND
Fao knew he’d fucked up. That much was infinitely obvious. He wished he’d not punched the kid, he knew you couldn’t go around just punching people. He wasn’t an idiot. But Harrison had been obviously drunk, refused to tell him what was going on, and then made to get into the house. Sure, he overreacted, but did he really deserve to be punished? He was an adult. Things were over with now, it would make more sense to just move on and get on with life.
But no. Whilst Fred and Sheila knew domestic chores were off limits as a punishments, he was expected to stay home for the week and look after Finn. He usually didn’t mind helping to look after his brother - he was sweet, always made Fao laugh, and was the little brother he’d always wanted - but getting him up and ready for school when he didn’t want to go was exhausting. Not to mention full on Uni days. It would be easier if he was in his flat, but apparently he wasn’t trusted on his own. He appreciated that Fred and Sheila looked out for him, but it was frustrating.
When he wasn’t looking after Finn or in lectures, Fao kept himself to himself. He made the excuse that he had work to do, but in truth he didn’t want to bump into Harrison, didn’t want to deal with Sheila’s somewhat pitying, somewhat irritated glances.
Sheila knew better than to push it with Fao, especially when he decided to confine himself to his room, but she couldn’t help worry about him. Finn was never easy, and telling him to be good? Almost a guarantee to do the opposite.
Harrison needed a place to crash, and after promising he’d be good, do better, the Daniels let him stay. It wasn’t the first time he’d had respite there, but it was a bit more urgent than normal. The authorities were notified, and days went on. Harrison was careful around the house, trying to only walk around with Sheila or Fred nearby. He was skittish at the best of times, but Fao had entirely pushed that over the top. And he was going through another withdrawal, which made everything so much worse.
Fao had been at uni for what felt like forever, stuck in a stuffy lecture hall trying to take in so much information it made his brain hurt. He was looking for a change of pace at rugby practice, before he realised Sheila had told him to come straight home - no practice. So he drove home in a mood, slammed the door on the way in, stormed into his room and stayed there, refusing to acknowledge any of them.
Fred let him cool off for a little while before he tried to speak to him. He knocked gently on the door. “Fao?”
Fao looked up from his notes. “What?”
“Good afternoon to you, too. I came to see how you were.”
“I’m fine. Got loads to do.”
“Looks like it.” Fred moved to stand inside. “You slammed the door pretty hard.”
He shrugged. “Wind caught it.”
“A lie if I’ve ever heard one.”
“It’s fine. I’m just busy.”
“So you’re staying in your room again?”
“Yeah. I’ve got work to do.”
“So that’s why you’ve been stuck in here for the past week?”
“I’ve got exams and stuff. And then placement coming up, I have to revise.”
“And this has nothing to do with Harrison? ”
“Like I give a shit about him.”
“He’s still in your space.”
“And? I’m stuck here anyway. Doesn’t matter where I spend my time. Can’t see my friends, or go to rugby. Might as well just study, I’ve got enough on over the next couple of weeks.”
“Alright, alright. Don’t shoot the messenger.”
“You asked.”
“I came to see if you were okay.”
“I’m fine. Would be better if you let me go back to my flat.”
“And how would you get Finn up in the morning?”
“He doesn’t fucking get up anyway.”
“Language. You know what he’s like.”
“Whatever.”
“Fao, we’re on your side.”
“I’m really not interested in having this conversation right now, Fred.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m tired and I’ve got a headache and I just want some peace and quiet and some space to myself!” He exclaimed, frustrated.
Fred sighed. “Alright.” He turned and left, shutting Fao’s door. He didn’t have the energy.
Fao was glad to be left alone, quiet settling over the room. He returned to his books, trying to concentrate on his work. He liked his space, he liked the quiet. Especially now, when the house felt wrong. It was better when he was alone. It always had been.
