No. 15 -​ FEED A COLD, STARVE A FEVER

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delirium | fever dreams | bees

Of course they’d left the trail hours ago, and of course they’d got lost. Fred was still convinced they weren’t, promising the family that it couldn’t be much longer. He’d been off searching for some ancient burial and cremation area after being tipped off by one of his colleagues’ friends near where they were staying. The rest of the family went along with him - it was easier when he got excited about another part of history. But, that had been what felt like a lifetime ago. When Finn complained his feet were aching and he wanted to go home, Fred promised just a bit longer, because they just had to see it today. Finn’s argument that they were already dead and weren’t going anywhere didn’t put him off (or make him laugh), and they continued deeper off the trails.

Sheila followed behind Fred, chatting away to her husband and trying to gently convince him to turn back. Finn, meanwhile, had decided to make the best of a bad situation. He’d found a stick bigger than him and was whacking everything he could reach, Fao included.

“Finn, I swear to God if you hit me one more time with that stick, I’m gonna snap it in half.”

“That’s not a good threat.” Sheila called. “Then he’ll have two to hit you with.”

“Not if I have one piece.”

“Then one of you will end up crying.” She said. “Finn, put the stick down now.”

“No!” Finn protested. “It’s mystick!”

“It’s fucking lethal.”

“Mum!”

“Language, Fao.”

“Come on, Mum. Aren’t you on my side?”

“Not with that language.” She chastised before turning to Finn. “I think you’ve had enough of it for now. Why don’t you pick it up on the way back?”

“No.” Finn frowned, his face screwing up. “You won’t let me have it back.”

Of course it was the one time Finn saw through her plan. “Why don’t you find a smaller stick, then?”

“Or you could just stop hitting people with it.”

The warning in Fao’s tone made him hesitate. “Can I carry it then? If I stop hitting you?”

“If you stop hitting me I don’t care what you do. But if you hit people mum will take it away from you.”

“Fine.” He groaned, returning to hitting the ground and pretending he had a sword once more.

“Youare bloody lethal.”

He spun around again with it, smacking the bushes either side of the trail Fred was following.

“Fred, how much further?” Fao whined.

“You sound like Finn!” He called to his eldest. “We shouldn’t be far.”

“You’ve been saying that for hours.”

“Welcome to my life.” Sheila laughed. “We can’t be much further, can we?”

“No, no. We just need to find the burial ground and then it’s another mile from there to where we should be.”

Sheila rolled her eyes. “You said this wouldn’t be another all day thing!”

“If Finn didn’t have to stop to pick up every rock, it wouldn’t have been.”

“At least another mile? You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Fao, language!” Sheila shook her head at him. “That’s twice in the last ten minutes.”

“It’s Fred’s fault.”

“Uh, mum?” Finn interrupted.

Fao recognised that voice, and frowned at Finn. “What have you done?”

“Bees!” Finn shouted, diving past Fao and Sheila.

“What the fuck, Finn?!”

“They’remad!”

“What did you do?!”

“I hit them!” He peeked from behind his dad. “I didn’t mean to but you said I couldn’t hit you and I hit them instead and they stung me!”

Fao swatted at a bee that got too close. “Jesus christ.”

“They’re coming for me!”

“Finn, calm down. Stop aggravating them and they won’t attack you.”

“I’m gonna be so pissed if I get stung.” Fao grumbled.

“Just keep moving.” Sheila encouraged. “Try not to anger them, keep moving and we’ll get away from them.”

“Always fucking moving.” He muttered under his breath, but kept going, away from the angry bees. Trust Finn to cause chaos.

Finn yelped, tripping over his feet. “They’ve got me!”

It was Fred’s turn to roll his eyes. “Come here, Finn. Let me have a look. You’ll live.”

Fao moved to help his brother up, too distracted to notice the bee that landed on his arm. That was, until a sharp pain hit him and he swore, batting at the insect. “Finn! I’m gonna kill you!”

No. 12 - ANXIETY (Alt. 15)

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Finn had been dreading his appointment. He knew he’d have to miss part of school, which was always fun, and Fao had promised him ice cream after. He didn’t pay any attention in his lessons throughout the morning, but his teachers put it off to his absences and nerves - Sheila had warned them in advance, just in case he tried any of his antics.

With Finn still getting used to everything, Fao spent a lot of time at home, commuting into uni where he needed to. It was easier, being around for him. He knew Sheila struggled, and it reassured Finn to have him around, too.

On a rare afternoon free of lectures, Sheila had asked Fao to take Finn to his appointment. There had been a meltdown that morning, apparently, though Fao had already been at uni by then. The promise of having Fao had supposedly calmed things down, so of course Fao was going to take his brother. He didn’t mind, not really, but he did worry about the possibility of another meltdown.

He arrived at the school early, and waited for Finn, hoping one of the teachers would make sure he met him. He didn’t want to spend ages searching for him when he’d locked himself in a bathroom or something equally as ‘on brand’ for Finn.

Finnwas escorted to the main office, made to wait by reception for Fao to get signed in. He tried a few times to disappear, but was quickly made to sit back down. Always a bundle of energy, Finn was even worse when nervous. His myos were off the charts and he felt sick to his stomach.

“Hey, kiddo. You ready to go? Got everything you need?”

He nodded, clutching his bag to his chest.

“Want me to carry your bag?”

“No.” He said quickly, gripping it tighter. “I’ve got it.”

“Okay, that’s alright.”

“Can we just go home?”

“I’m afraid not. But it won’t take long, and we’ll go for ice cream after. Promise.”

“But I don’t want to go, Fao.”

“I hate going too. But it’s for the best, and it won’t take long.”

He scuffed his feet. “But if it won’t take long, then there’s no point going."”

“Ah, doesn’t work like that. But once you’ve been you don’t have to go again for a while.”

"Until Steve finds something else wrong with me.”

“I know it feels like that sometimes.”

“I’m in every other week anyway.”

“You’re getting better, it’s just taking time.”

“Yeah, right.” He slammed the door for good measure. “Sure I am.”

“Hey, hey, don’t slam doors.”

“I’ll do what I want.”

Fao couldn’t help but smile. “A couple of months ago you weren’t strong enough to slam doors.”

“It was the wind.”

“Could have fooled me.”

He grumbled in reply. He didn’t have the energy to argue with Fao.

“You know I’ll stay with you the whole time, right?” Fao said, as they headed towards the car. “Can hold my hand if you want.”

“No.” He folded his arms in a huff.

“Oh, are we too cool for hand holding now?”

Finn scowled at him. It was his fault he was going to the hospital, Finn wasn’t just going to forgive him.

“That bad, eh? Oh dear.” He murmured. “How was school this morning?”

“Fine.”

“What lessons did you have?”

He shrugged. “Stuff.”

“Science? Maths? English?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you missing this afternoon then?”

“Stuff.”

“Such as?”

“Stuff.”

“Okay. You wanna hear about what I learned this morning?”

“Whatever.”

Fao sighed, and left it at that. Finn was obviously just worried, he always got grumpy when he was stressed out. He unlocked the car and opened the door. “Wanna throw your bag in the back?”

“No.”

“Want to keep it in the footwell?”

Finn just glared at him, climbing in and hugging his bag to his chest. He didn’t care for Fao’s attempts at conversation. If he really cared, he wouldn’t be taking him to hospital.

Fao just let him get on with it, getting in on the opposite side. “Seatbelt?”

An idea flickered. “If I don’t put it on, we don’t move.”

“No, Finn. Come on, put your seatbelt on.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.” He scowled at Fao. “I’m not going to and we’re not going.”

“We’ll get the bus then, if you won’t put your seatbelt on. And getting the bus means no treat after.”

Finn made a noise vaguely like a growl, knowing he wasn’t allowed to swear, and strapped his seatbelt on.

“Thank you.”

He huffed, a quiet ‘Dickhead’under his breath as he glanced at his brother.

“You know I heard that, right?”

He froze, a blush spreading up his cheeks. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re stressed, I’ll let it slide.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Mmhmm.” He said, starting the car.

Finn stayed quiet as Fao drove out of the school grounds. Even nervous though, he couldn’t stay quiet for long. “What did you learn at school?”

“Oh, you do want to know?”

He grinned sheepishly at Fao. “Maybe.”

“I learned about the liver.” Fao said, glancing over at his brother.

“One thing I didn’t hurt.”

“Y’know what, I don’t know if you did or not? Not badly, at any rate.”

“What happens if you do?”

“If you hurt your liver? Well, the liver is clever, because it heals itself.”

Finn listened intently to Fao rambling about his lectures, and he had to admit it did take his mind off the looming appointment. Once at George’s, he clammed up again, refusing to leave the car. Of course, it wasn’t a surprise to Fao, it never was, and all the extra time had been factored into the travel time. Finn was eventually persuaded out of the car in exchange for Fao’s hoodie from the backseat, which he quickly wrapped himself in.

Together, they headed up to neuro, Finn silently sneaking his hand into Fao’s as they walked.

“What do you want for after?” Fao asked, as they made their way down the corridor.

“To not come here again.” Finn said quietly.

“I know. But you’ve got to pick a treat too. A new dinosaur? Ice cream? Something else?”

“I’m too old for dinosaurs.”

“Too old for dinosaurs?!”

“Yeah.”

“Never too old for dinosaurs.”

“I am.”

“Steve likes dinosaurs, and he’s even older than me.” Fao said, steering Finn into a chair to wait.

“He’s ancient.” Finn murmured, stiffening at the mention of Steve.

“Not too old for dinosaurs though.”

Finn shrugged. He didn’t want to talk.

“Ice-cream for after, then?”

“Maybe.”

“Have a think, yeah?”

He nodded and lapsed back into silence. It was almost half an hour before his name was called, by which point the butterflies in his stomach had turned into quetzalcoatluses. He felt sick and dizzy, and wasn’t convinced he wasn’t going to have a seizure.

They followed the nurse through, who was very chatty and tried to calm him down while she did his observations. All completed, he was sent back into the waiting room for Steve.

Fao was blathering on about something, Finn wasn’t paying enough attention to actually figure out what he was saying. If he got told off, he’d blame it on his absences - it wouldn’t be the first time.

He kept trying to breathe, but he couldn’t seem to take any air in. The bit he did manage did nothing. He was only growing more dizzy, his hands and feet tingling. He was going to die.

Fao could tell Finn was struggling. His questions to his younger brother went unanswered, and it wasn’t absences. Fao could tell from his breathing, the way he fidgeted. He moved to crouch in front of his brother, a hand on his knee.

“Finn? Look at me?”

Finn slowly raised his head, his breaths coming in short gasps. He needed out. He couldn’t do it.

“Hey, hey. You’re okay. I’ve got you, I’m here.” Fao soothed.

He shook his head. None of it was okay. He was going todie and Fao didn’t even care.

“Shhh, shhh. Focus on me, yeah. You’re gonna be okay, just a little panic attack.” He soothed. “It’s alright. Just look at me, yeah? I’m right here.”

Just?? Finn shook his head, pushing his brother away. “Get off.”

“You’re okay. Can you focus on me? Just me, nothing else that’s going on. You’re safe, you’re alright.”

“No.”

“I know, Finn. I know it’s scary. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, it’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay, how could he keep saying that? His eyes darted around the room, trying to find a way out. Fao wasn’t helping, nobody was.

Fao took Finn’s hand. “Here, I’m right here with you. Look at me? Just try and slow your breathing down a little? Just a tiny bit for me.”

“Get off!” He shoved Fao away as hard as could. “Getoff!”

“Alright, okay.” Fao said, glancing around the waiting room. He took a step back, letting go of his brother’s hand.

He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, and he couldn’t take it. He needed out. He stumbled to his feet. He didn’t have a choice.

“Sit down for me, Finn?” Fao said gently. “We don’t need to go anywhere yet.”

Finn couldn’t hear Fao through the rush of blood in his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut to stop the dizziness, his hand instinctively coming out to try and balance himself.

Fao came alongside him, half reaching for him. “Come on Finn, let’s sit down.”

He shook his head. He wasn’t staying.

“You’re okay. Come and sit down with me?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I’ve got to go.”

“You don’t have to go anywhere, it’s okay. We can stay here.”

“No.Please.”

“You’re safe, it’s okay.”

“I’m dying.”

“You’re not, I promise. Take my hand?”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not, I’m really not. Promise.”

Finn looked at Fao. The room was spinning and his legs felt like jelly. He whimpered quietly, too stubborn to reach for him.

Fao stretched his hands out. “Come on, Finn. It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“I’m right here, let’s go and sit down, yeah?”

He shook his head. Sitting down meant his appointment and he couldn’t do that.

“It’s okay. Nobody is going to hurt you.”

“They will.”

“I promise they won’t, I won’t let them.”

His legs had started to shake, but he was still not giving in. “They will. Youwill.”

“It’s alright, come on. You’re okay.”

He gritted his teeth. He couldn’t do it any longer. With a whine, he reached for Fao, his hands gripping tightly onto him.

“That’s it, I’ve got you.” He soothed, pulling him in for a hug. “I’m here.”

Finn relaxed into him, exhausted and mentally worn out. He pressed closer, fingers twisting in Fao’s hoodie.

Fao picked him up, holding him close as he moved back to the chairs. “You’re okay. Well done.”

He scrubbed his face against Fao’s chest, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He was still completely overwhelmed with everything, and didn’t know where he stood at all.

“I’ve got you. It’s okay.” Fao told him, rubbing his back.

His breath hitched again and he hid his face fully. He didn’t want to cry, and definitely didn’t want Fao to know.

“It’s okay. Take some deep breaths.”

For once, he did as he was told, and listened to Fao. He was safe in his arms, he knew that.

“Well done. It’ll help you feel better.”

Finn smiled slightly, glad of the praise. It helped that it was making him feel better, and he was no longer on the verge of passing out. He’d almost forgotten where he was until an all too familiar voice called out.

“Finn Daniels? Ready for your appointment?”

Fao rubbed Finn’s back and stood up. “It’s alright, I’ll carry you. C'mon, nearly done now.”

No. 11 - JUST KEEP SWIMMING

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adrift | drowning | dehydration

Family holidays were still weird for Harrison. He supposed it was also a bit for Fao, too, but he’d settled in a lot better. After all, he’d been adopted almost straight away. Fao would often return from uni to join them as Finn got older, and enjoyed the time away. As Finn’s seizures started to settle, him slowly gaining more control over them, they began to venture further afield again.

Harrison had been staying at the Daniels’ while he tried to get back on his feet. Sheila had helped him enrol in college, and had started him back on the straight and narrow. He’d been working so hard while he stayed with them, that it was only natural to invite him along, especially since Fao and Hars had settled their differences.

They’d hired a caravan by the sea for a few weeks, far enough away to be a holiday, but close enough to a major hospital as a just in case. While both Fao and Harrison were old enough to be left to their own devices, Finn still had to be watched, and often carefully. With Sheila and Fred wanting an afternoon to themselves, it was up to the boys to keep an eye on him. It was a rarity that Sheila and Fred got any time alone, so they were set to make the most of it, a nice meal after a while exploring.

Finn had pestered and pestered everyone to take him swimming. Mainly, he just wanted to dick around with the floats and go down the slides more than actually swim, but he had to get them there first.

After a bit of reluctance, they finally gave in. Harrison wasn’t keen; he’d had bad experiences, and he wasn’t the strongest of swimmers either. They needed both of them there, though. It wouldn’t be the first time Finn had seized in a pool.

While Fao and Finn chased each other back and forth, hurtling balls at each other’s heads (Finn never learned), Harrison stayed away from it. He took a while to relax, finally sliding in from the side and floating around in a ring while he kept an eye on the two of them. After a while and too much of Finn’s insistence, he joined in. As long as he didn’t have to get his hair wet, he’d be fine.

It was actually fun, once he’d let himself go a bit. Finn’s energy was contagious, and Harrison actually found himself laughing along with the other two. It was nice to be part of a family, to have siblings of sorts and no responsibilities He tired quickly though, returning to stand by the side of the pool, floating on his stomach and just watching the world go by.

Fao was enjoying himself, away from the stresses of uni. He was able to spend time with his family, Harrison was a bonus, and he always enjoyed holidays. The weather was good, Sheila and Fred were in a good mood, and Finn was able to enjoy himself.

They’d been messing about for a while when Harrison took a break, and after a few minutes giving him some space, Fao made his way over.

“Hey. You alright?”

“Just tired.”

“God, tell me about it. Don’t know where Finn gets the energy from.”

“He’s all over the place.”

“Hard to believe he was in hospital.”

“Think he’s an alien.”

“Superhuman.”

“Nah, definitely an alien.”

“You’re probably right.”

Harrison flinched as Finn threw a ball at the pair of them, screwing his face up as he was splashed. “Think your highness wants your attention.”

Fao turned away, frowning. “Finn! What have I told you about throwing stuff at us?!”

“You’re being boring!” Finn called. “Come play!”

“We’re taking a break because we’re old!”

“You can go, I’m okay.” Harrison told him.

“Sure?”

“Yeah, course.”

Fao flashed him a smile and turned away to Finn, his younger brother still busy causing chaos with seemingly endless amounts of energy.

Harrison smiled at the pair, happy to keep his distance and just watch. He was reaching his limit of being in the water, his fingers starting to prune and the smell of chlorine getting too overwhelming. The lifeguard’s whistle made him jump and instinctively turn to see what was happening. He caught the float out the corner of his eye, but he was too late to move out of the way.

The hit disorientated him immediately, knocking him off his own float. The water was too deep for him to stand and he went straight under. He couldn’t breathe. Deep down, he knew he shouldn’t even try, but he naturally and desperately gasped for air. Water filled his lungs and he coughed and choked, only succeeding in taking in more water.

His hands scrabbled to try and get himself above water, but his mind was already elsewhere. He was going to die. He could hear his parents shouting at him, feel their hands around his wrists and throat, pushing him under. He choked again. More water. Another hit. They’d normally have let him up, but there was no sign of stopping. He was going to die.

It was as soon as Fao turned to Finn that all hell broke loose. There was shouting, and splashing, and someone kicked out into his leg. He whipped back around just in time to see Harrison go down under the surface.

“Finn! Stay put, kid!” He called to his brother, and then turned back to the chaos. Harrison hadn’t surfaced yet. Why hadn’t he surfaced? It was taking too long, far too long. A quick glance around told him nobody was coming quick enough, and so he took a deep breath and went under himself.

He found Harrison easily, writhing and choking under the water, and grabbed him. It was difficult, there were still people everywhere, but he hauled him up to the surface and over to the side, his own chest heaving.

Harrison fought against the hands holding him in blind panic, kicking and scratching in an attempt to get free. He coughed and retched against the air, struggling to get a breath in. With his struggling, he slipped back under for a moment, immediately taking in more water.

He was heavy when he was panicking, and Fao groaned. He pushed on, though, hauling Harrison up further to keep his head above the water.

It was hard work, harder than Fao had expected it to be, but Harrison was a dead weight. He shouted at people to move, eventually reaching the side of the pool, which he was bloody grateful for.

The lifeguards had finally jumped into action, and met Fao at the side. Despite Harrison’s fighting, they quickly hauled him out of the pool and onto the side. He barely had the energy to keep himself propped up, his whole body trembling. He continued to retch and gag, bringing up the water he’d inhaled. His arm gave out from under him, and he sprawled on the deck again.

Fao shot the lifeguards a look, not exactly happy with how long it had taken them to help out.

“It’s alright, Harrison. You’re alright now.” Fao soothed, helping him to stay upright. “That’s it, get it up.”

Harrison grabbed onto Fao, his nails digging into his skin. He choked again, bringing up more water. It was almost worse than being underwater. Somehow he was still drowning.

“You’re okay. I’ve got you, it’s gonna be okay.” Fao murmured, rubbing his back.

“Does he have any medical conditions? Did he hit his head?” The lifeguard asked from beside Fao, his radio ready.

“Nothing relevant, and I don’t know. He’ll need an ambulance, I’m a med student. He ought to be checked.”

“We’re just calling one now. Did you see what happened?”

“No, just what happened after.”

Exhausted, Harrison let himself fully flop onto Fao. He continued coughing, though not much was coming up. The fight had drained from him, all the adrenaline he’d had from the panic long gone.

“It’s alright, just breathe.” Fao soothed.

Finn, of course, couldn’t be left out. He wormed his way through the small crowd surrounding Fao and Hars, kneeling next to his big brother. “Fao?”

“It’s alright, Finn. Hars just got caught under the water, he’s okay.”

He looked up at Fao, worry etched onto his face. “Is he going to die?”

“No, no. He’s okay.”

Harrison flinched at the foil blanket placed over him, trying to get away with what little he had left.

Finn screwed his face at the mess on the floor surrounding Harrison, but carefully moved closer. “You’re okay. It’s keeping you warm, right?”

“Finn’s right. Just to keep you warm, Hars.”

He slowly stretched out his hand to take Harrison’s. “You’re okay. We’re here.”

No. 9 - RUMORS OF MY DEATH HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED

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presumed dead | (blind) rage | tears

“Do we have to do this?” There was more than a hint of hesitation to his tone.

“We don’t have a choice. I need you to trust me.”

“But what about Fao-”

“Harrison. Please. Do this for me. Finn? He needs to die.”

Things hadn’t been the same at the Daniels, everyone moping around and just not doing much at all. Harrison and Steve had paid their respects and then quickly left, making various excuses. Jess, on the other hand, hadn’t even shown up. Her apartment was locked, and hadn’t any signs of anyone living there whenever Fred had sent someone round to check on her. Her brother promised he’d seen her, relieving some of their worry. Besides, they had so much more to worry about.

Fred hadn’t believed it at first, none of them had. But, they’d seen the body. Steve had assured them it was Finn and there was no foul play, so that was that.

Life had to go on, they didn’t have a choice but to. There was a small wake organised, closed casket, and only for the closer members of the gang. It was more formality than anything, a sign of respect for Finn, something that a lot of the previous members hadn’t been privileged enough to get.

Since Finn’s side operation had gone sideways, Steve and Harrison had gone to ground. Sure, they attended what they had to with the Daniels, but the more they could keep out of the way, the better. The cops had been far too close to arresting one of them, and they couldn’t have it. They couldn’t have Fred finding out that way, and they doubted he’d be able to get their charges cut too. Steve had to be careful too; the hospital was already suspicious of his police record.

Harrison had work to do, anyway. A loner with no alliances, he was often contacted for various other jobs. Fred knew that too, as did Finn, and always held him at arm’s length. After all, someone with such switching loyalties was just asking for trouble. He was useful for finding moles, often recognising men from other rival gangs. His alliance with Fred was stronger than most realised though, and it wasn’t ever a coincidence their names would end up on Fred’s desk, and then their bodies in the river.

Fred had organised a raid on a nearby warehouse, a front for a rival’s drug ring. While none of what he did was exactly legal, he did have standards, and spent a lot of time making sure others by their turf did the same. Certain weapons and forged documents were often passed without much guilt, but drugs were different. They had their outreach programmes, and often took a large chunk of their community help.

Harrison had agreed to go with them, an apparent favour to Fred. It was a simple enough mission for him; in and out, with just a hint of murder.

While the rest of Fred’s men dealt with the ring, Harrison slipped away. He was quiet on his feet, appearing behind his mark and quickly dragging him away. It was a swift and practiced end, though it still made his stomach twist. It wasn’t the first man he’d killed, and he knew it wouldn’t be his last. He dumped the body, hoping it would just be seen as a casualty of the raid. He strolled casually back to the rest of the fight, took a few men out that were too close and gaining on Fao, and then hopped back in Steve’s van. He’d done what he’d had to do, he wasn’t being paid for more than that.

Ever since Finn’s… Death, Fao hadn’t trusted anyone in the family. Something was going on, he knewit. He could feel it. He’d know if Finn really was gone, he’d feel it. And with Harrison sniffing around, it felt even more like something was amiss. Fao enjoyed the other man’s company, he always had done, but with Finn gone it really felt like something was going on.

Even with his suspicions, Fao had been acting recklessly. Too much alcohol, too many cigarettes. He was easy to provoke, always getting into fights, and he was happy enough to go out with Fred on this mission. It would give him a reason to get his blood up, to punch people and get away with it. He saw Harrison take out a couple of people getting too close to him, and then he just… disappeared. Gone, and he wasn’t there when the fight was over. Something had to be going on.

The raid had gone smoothly for everyone involved. Fred had silenced a rival, and Harrison had taken his mark out. It wasn’t fully finished, he knew that. It would be a few weeks before they were sure it had had the correct result, but it was a move in the right direction.

It was nervous waiting, Harrison flitting from boss to boss and finishing what he had to. When he got the call it was over, he was more than relieved. It had gone on for far too long, though luckily not as long as they’d originally planned for. Arrangements were made, weapons changed hands, and time moved on. He’d done what he needed to, murdered people he never thought he would. He never wanted to be involved like that again. He said his goodbyes to Fao, thanked Sheila and Fred for their offer to stay, and disappeared into the early evening.

The evening dragged into night, with Fao irritable and unable to sleep. He wasn’t sure who else was up, and he didn’t really care, but he headed downstairs after a few hours of tossing and turning, lighter and cigarettes in hand.

He wasn’t going to bother turning the lights on in the kitchen, but they were already on when he got downstairs, and he could hear someone moving around in there. He’d thought everyone was in bed, but maybe not. Now on his guard, he edged into the room, footsteps light on the wooden floor.

He’d not expected to see Fao so soon, and not like this. He cleared his throat. “Don’t shoot.”

Fao froze, barely believing what he was seeing.

“‘don’t shoot’?! Don’t fucking shoot?! I’ve half a mind to, now. What the fuck, Finn?!”

He laughed uncomfortably, placing the bag of crisps back on the table. “Shh, you’re going to wake everyone else up.”

“You come back from the dead and the first thing you say to me is don’t shoot?!”

“I - I’m sorry.” He softened. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“I thought you were dead, Finn.” Fao said, his voice cracking. “We had a funeral.”

“It had to be real.”

Fao’s hands curled into fists at his side. “Why? What was so awful that you had to disappear without telling me? Maybe the alcohol has caught up with me and I’m seeing things. One too many concussions. I need you to explain what’s going on, and yesterday.”

“Why don’t we take a breath?” Finn backed away slightly, his hands raised. “I’ll make coffee, we can get mum and dad up.”

“Harrison knew, didn’t he?”

“Get some biscuits, relax a bit, y'know?”

“That’s a yes, then. Who else knew? Was I the only one?!” Fao stepped closer.

“Harrison had to take me out. There was a mole, he was going to end up hurting one of you.”

“And what, you couldn’t speak to me? Your brother.Who else knew?!”

“Just Steve.” He backed further away, his back hitting the cupboards. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?”

“I didn’t want to!”

Fao closed the distance between them and grabbed Finn’s shoulders, slamming him hard into the cupboards behind him.

Finn groaned, but didn’t fight back. “Ow?”

“I could fucking kill you!”

“Go ahead.”

“Don’t be an ass.” He grumbled, and moved to pull him in for a hug. “I never want to lose you again.”

Finn hesitated before wrapping his arms around Fao. “It’s been hell.”

“You’re telling me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, dickhead.” He mumbled. “I really need that fucking cigarette now.”

Their hug was interrupted by the hallway light flicking on and the sound of the safety flipping back on. Fred and Sheila stood in the doorway, staring in shock at the pair.

“I need a fucking drink.”

Fao laughed hoarsely. “I think we all do.”

“I brought wine?” Finn offered, holding up a bottle after rummaging through his bag. “Jess and I didn’t finish it.”

Fao reached for it. “Wine will do.”

No. 7 - MY SPIDEY-SENSE IS TINGLING

@whumptober2021

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helplessness | numbness | blindness

Finn still wasn’t used to his flares, and he certainly wasn’t used to dealing with them on his own.

Living with Fao was great, but he missed the constant availability of his parents, as much as he’d hate to admit it.

He’d been putting off giving into his flare for several days, too busy with uni to allow himself to rest. When he woke up with another migraine, he didn’t have a choice but to reconsider. That didn’t stop him from trying to ignore it, of course it didn’t. He made it to the edge of the bed, sitting up shakily. The nausea was horrendous and overwhelmed him, growing worse with each breath.

He couldn’t be sick in his room, the panic rising quickly. It was Fao’s flat, he’d tell him off, not to mention he was an adult and he shouldn’t do that.

Finn let out a quiet whine, torn between crying out for Fao and just letting it all overwhelm him and giving in. After fighting with himself for a few minutes, he gave in, calling for Fao.

No response.

His phone wasn’t in his bed either, so he couldn’t call him, or his parents, or Jess. He was stranded.

The dizziness overwhelmed him as he stood, immediately stumbling into the wall. He kept muttering to himself, trying to encourage his body to work, to let him get to Fao.

His feet felt like ice, numb and barely under his control. It was spreading too, he was sure of it.

Electric shocks jarred his brain with every step, the pain making the dizziness worse. He stumbled, falling to his knees with a cry. With his arms outstretched, he caught his wrists as he fell, instinctively pulling them to his chest and overbalancing. He tipped, shoulder slamming into the wall and then the floor.

He couldn’t get back up, his body no longer under control. His vision was starting to go too, a seizure definitely looming. Slurred and barely there, he cried out, desperately calling for his brother. He needed help, needed anyone.

Nobody came, and he curled up, helpless and alone, stranded on the landing.

No. 5 - I’VE GOT RED IN MY LEDGER

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betrayal | misunderstanding|brokennose

part 1 //part 2//part 3

Harrison hadn’t seen the Daniels in years. He’d been passed from foster to foster, causing problems wherever he ended up. When his final placement fell through, he had nowhere else to go. He had no support to get on his own two feet, no education to get a job, and far too much alcohol to do much else.

His funds quickly dwindled, and nobody would help him. The little help he did get, he refused to accept it, kicking off until they left him alone. After a week of no electricity or water, he gave in, packed his bags, and headed for the Daniels.

By the time he got there, several buses and a few miles walk later, it was dark. His phone was long out of charge and he knew he should have called first, but he wasn’t that considerate. There was a chill to the air, but the alcohol kept him warm despite only being in a t-shirt. It took a few attempts to find the correct door, a few wrong answers and several angry people. He hammered on the door again, leaning against the frame.

Fao liked being home. Uni had been great when he lived away, but after Finn’s accident he needed his family, and Fao was glad to be there for him. Recovery had been slow, but he was always there to help his little brother out.

Everyone was scattered about the house when there was a knock at the door. Fred was cooking, Sheila was upstairs doing something, and Finn was apparently doing his homework (though Fao had his doubts). Fao was stretched out on the sofa reading at the time, the loud sound startling him. Were they expecting someone? Sheila hadn’t said anything.

He stood up and crossed the room to the front door, pulling it open. He didn’t recognise the boy stood in front of him, in scruffy clothes and looking slightly unsteady. He was probably a couple of years younger than Fao, but not much younger than that. He looked skinny and unkempt, and Fao frowned.

“Can I help you?”

“The fuck are you?”

“Uh, I live here?”

Harrison scowled at him. “Where’s Sheila?”

“Upstairs. You got a name, kid?”

“Fred, then.” He glanced past Fao. “Where’s he?”

“Look, who are you?”

“I don’t have to answer to you.” He swayed slightly. “Just get them, will you?”

“I don’t know who you are. Why should I get them?”

“Because I’ve asked you to.”

“I don’t even know who you are.” Fao said, folding his arms over his chest.

“So go get them.”

“I’m not just letting you walk into my house.” Fao’s voice was hard.

“Did I ask to walk in "your” house?“

“I live here, it’s just as much my house.”

"Like fuck is it. ”

“So you’re just gonna show up at the door and tell me what is and isn’t my house?”

“Fuck off with your high and mighty attitude, mate.”

“You’ve really got some balls, haven’t you? I just want to know what the fuck you actually want.”

Harrison shoved him. “I’ve told you.”

“Hey, hey. Watch it.” Fao growled, pushing him back.

“Stop being such a dick then.”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“I’ve asked you to get Fred and you’re being an absolute dick.” He squared up to Fao. “So, yeah. You’remy problem.”

Fao pushed him back, hard. “Oh, fuck off. Stop being such a fucking cunt.”

Harrison stumbled back, tripping over the front step and landing sprawled in the driveway. “You’re the fucking cunt.”

“Yeah, whatever mate.”

He struggled to his feet. “You’re a fucking wanker.”

“Says you.”

He swung for the other boy, frustrated beyond belief. It wasn’tfair.

The other boy was slow and uncoordinated, and Fao countered his punch with his own, sharp and angry. He wasn’t taking any more shit from him.

Harrison staggered back. Fao’s punch had landed, making its mark on his cheek. Blood welled in his mouth and he swore before he spat it out. He swung again.

Harrison’s counter attack landed well, Fao reveling in his hit and too distracted to dodge. He staggered back into the hallway, reeling.

“Dickhead.” He spat.

Fao gripped the wall, his head spinning. “You’re fuckin’ insane.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be such a wanker.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t just stand there and act like you own everything!” Fao snapped, his voice harsh.

“Coming from you, that’s rich.” Harrison shook his head. “I asked for one thing and you think you rule the place.”

“Almost as if it’s my house.”

“Yeah, right.”

Fao’s cheek, where Harrison had caught him, was throbbing, and he was sure a bruise was forming already.

“You’ve yet to give me a good reason why I should let you in.”

“I didn’t ask to come in, did I?” He spat. “I asked for Sheila or Fred.”

“What do you want them for anyway? How do you even know them?”

He wasn’t going to admit that. “I just do, alright? Please.”

“I’m not getting them without knowing why.”

“For fuck’s sake!” He snapped, trying to balance himself on the doorframe. “I’ve just fucking asked you to get them!”

Fao just reacted as the other boy moved to lean on the doorframe, and swung another punch at him. He had to look out for his family.

Harrison dropped like a sack of shit, landing in a crumpled heap. He hadn’t even seen Fao’s punch coming. Sheila, on the other hand, had.

“Faolan!”

Fao wasn’t a complete arsehole, when the other boy hit the deck he moved to crouch next to him, but Sheila’s shout made him flinch. Fuck.

“Go get Fred. You’ve done enough.” Her tone was hard as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Go on.”

“I didn’t…” He said quietly. “I jus’…”

“Move it.” She clicked her fingers at him. “Now.”

His words died on his tongue and he stood up, bolting back into the house. Guilt curled in his stomach, and he went in search of Fred.

Sheila crouched by Harrison, gently rubbing his shoulder. Blood was pouring from his nose and his lip was split. She rolled her eyes. Boys.

Harrison jerked back from her hand, disorientated and swinging immediately. Nothing landed and despite his blurred vision he recognised Sheila, reaching for her with shaky hands.

Fred was cooking, and Fao was filled with dread as he stepped into the kitchen, bravado completely drained out of him. “F-Fred?”

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Sh-Sheila wants you. D-door.”

He turned, still half-heartedly stirring. “What happened?”

He couldn’t do much more than lamely shrug his shoulders, struggling for words. “She wants you.”

Fred knew there was more going on, but also that he wasn’t going to get any more from Fao. “Stir that. I’ll back in a minute.”

Fao nodded. He could stir, he’d be out of the way then. He moved closer, aware of the blood on his knuckles. He was shaking, virtually trembling.

Fred wasn’t long, not entirely surprised to find Sheila crouched over a very confused Harrison. It had been a few years since they’d seen him, but he’d often turn up every few years anyway. The teenager had already thrown up over the front step, though Sheila had managed to start to control his bleeding nose - it was obviously broken.

The pair helped Harrison to his feet - he didn’t weigh much, more lanky than anything- and slowly took him through to the living room. They’d have to go to hospital, there was no doubt about that, but they needed to get him sorted enough to be fine in the car.

Fao kept quiet in the kitchen, leaning against one of the counters to keep himself upright. His legs felt weak, his chest a little tight. He’d fucked up, they were going to kick him out.

Fred called for Finn before he headed back through to the kitchen. Though Fao had attempted to stir, they needed to leave and it would be ruined by the time they got back. Fao looked like he’d seen a ghost, and he had a pretty nasty bruise blossoming around his eye too.

“Grab a hoodie, She’s taking us to hospital.”

Fao startled, looking up. “‘m fine. I’ll jus’ go up to my room, out of the way.” He said quietly.

“Not a chance.”

“‘m fine.”

“Yeah? That bruise looks fine. Hoodie, car, five minutes.”

He didn’t have a choice, did he? He toyed with just hiding in his room anyway, and then thought better of it. He didn’t want to get into any more trouble. So he abandoned the cooking, and rushed upstairs to grab a hoodie, feeling distinctly lightheaded.

They’d already managed to get Harrison into the car, a dish between his legs for when he inevitably threw up. Fao was directed to the front seat, Finn shoved in the back with his mum. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but had quickly been distracted.

Fred turned to Fao, offering him an ice pack. “You don’t look too great. Are you going to puke as well?”

He shook his head, but took the ice. “No.”

“Are you gonna pass out on me?”

“Probably not.”

“You feel dizzy?” He checked as he pulled off the drive.

“Not really.” It wasn’t a completelie.

“So, yes.” Fred rolled his eyes. “Let me know if it gets worse.”

“Notdizzy. I’m fine.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “We’re not impressed with all of…this. We’ll deal with it later, but right now, we need to make sure you two are okay.”

“Sorry.” He looked down at his lap. “I can go back to my flat after we’ve come back.”

“We’re not having a repeat of last time.”

He made a noise in protest. “I won’t.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get it sorted.”

“Sorry.”

“Not me you need to apologise to, is it?”

“Oh.”

“He definitely came out worse off than you.” Fred glanced at Fao. “You’ve got a surprisingly good punch on you.”

“Rugby.” He mumbled.

“Yeah. Better be careful on nights out.” He said. “Don’t want you getting in trouble.”

“‘m careful.”

“Apparently so.”

Fao was quiet, staring down at his lap, the bruises blooming over his knuckles. “Sorry.”

“Hey.” Fred reached out to rest a hand on Fao’s knee. “It’s going to be okay.”

Fao flinched, pulling away with a sharp intake of breath.

“Sorry, sorry.” Fred placed his hand back on the steering wheel.

“It’s fine.”

He hummed. “Sure. That’s why we’re driving to A&E at this time of night.”

“I don’t need A&E.”

“That one does.” He gestured to Harrison. “Kinda your fault.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

Fred raised his eyebrow. “Looks like you did.”

“I-” Fao cut himself off. “Nevermind.”

“At least we don’t need a guard dog.”

“I was only trying to…”

“Break his nose? Did a good job at that.”

“No.” He protested, his voice wavering.

“What, then?”

“Doesn’t matter, does it? Still fucking did it.”

“I’m not swearing at you, I don’t appreciate you swearing at me.” He warned.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, and decided not to say anything else.

Fred didn’t bother to reply. There was no talking to him when he was like that, and he didn’t really have the energy. Harrison was still throwing up in the back seat, Sheila having her work cut out trying to soothe him and keep Finn distracted.

Every time the other boy vomited, Fao winced. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, adding nausea to his guilt. He had half a mind to bolt when they got to the hospital, but he knew he wouldn’t get away with it.

Fred pulled in, dropping the car close to the entrance. “Fao, you go in with Sheila and Hars. I’m going to take Finn home. You can call me when you’re done.”

He nodded, pulling his hoodie closer, and got out of the car wordlessly. He waited for Sheila and Harrison, looking down at the floor.

Sheila said goodbye to her husband and son, walking the other two into the emergency reception. “I don’t know what went on between the two of you, but if you two cause any problems in the emergency department, so help me god.”

Fao shook his head. “Won’t.”

Harrison’s agreement was with his head in the sick bowl, looking up at Fao and then Sheila. “He started it.”

“Didn’t.”

“Did too.”

Fao huffed. “It’s always my fault.”

“Boys. That’s enough.”

Fao shrugged but fell silent. They headed inside and got checked in, Sheila sat between the two boys.

Harrison was seen to first, thanks to Fao knocking him out. She didn’t trust Fao not to run off, so made him sit outside the bay as Harrison was seen to. They had a bit more to check with Harrison too, the younger boy having just turned up on their doorstep.

Fao hated being stuck in the ED. Especially when he wasn’t really all that injured, and he didn’t really have Sheila for comfort. She was preoccupied keeping Harrison on the straight and narrow. It did make Fao wonder what the point of the both of them coming in was. Of course, he was stuck waiting, the A&E corridors cold and unwelcoming.

With Harrison reasonably settled in a bed in majors, Sheila headed to the corridor to find Fao. She sat heavily beside him, turning to look at the bruises on his face.

He looked over at her. “He okay?”

“Settled. How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Yeah, you look fine.”

He shrugged. “I’ve had worse. Don’t really need to be here.”

“I still want you checked over.”

“I’m fine.”

“Better than he is.”

“My fault.”

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you. That’s for you to sort out when you’re both better.”

“I fucked up.”

“I doubt it was all your fault.”

“Might as well be.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Is in Fred’s opinion.”

“Did he say that?” She asked, nudging him.

“Pretty much. Said it was my fault we had to come in.”

“Well, you did knock Harrison out.”

“So it’s all my fault.”

“Did you need to knock him out?”

“Obviously not. I didn’t mean to knock him out.”

“What were you meaning to do then?’

“I don’t know, okay?!” He snapped. “He showed up, I didn’t know who the fuck he was, he got aggy, I didn’t want someone coming in the . house when I had no idea who they are and they were acting out. He looked like he was going to force his way inside, so I swung. He’d already swung at me, so… I reacted. I didn’t want anyone getting hurt.”

Sheila was calm. "Why didn’t you get one of us?”

“I don’t know. Because he was asking for you like he owned the place. And he was drunk, it put me on edge.”

“All the more reason to get one of us. Or just walk away, shut the door and all that.”

“I thought I could handle things. Y’know, look out for everyone.”

“That’s what we’re there for.”

“It’s different. I don’t know.”

“We’re the adults. The adult adults. We’re here to look after you.”

“I jus’ wanted to look after things.”

“I appreciate that, but it hasn’t worked out too well this time.”

“I know.”

“You can’t just get away with it.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“There has to be some punishment.”

He shrugged. “I don’t expect otherwise.”

“I know, but I don’t want it to be like it used to. The problem is that we have to have some repercussions for our actions, you know?”

“I understand that. I was never under any illusion that there wouldn’t be? I fucked up.”

“I just don’t want you to think we’re out to get you.” She said softly, leaning against him. “You were brave standing up for us, but it was just directed at the wrong person. With some stubbornness in there too, I bet.”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

“I don’t know what went on, but he’s not a bad guy, you know?” She continued. “He’s been through a lot, not unlike you.”

“He started the fight.”

“Did he?”

“He shoved me.”

“Doesn’t surprise me.”

“So forgive me for being somewhat on the defensive.”

“I don’t blame you for that.”

“But you’re still mad at me. Why can’t I just go back to my flat?”

“Because I don’t want you to go back and just cut us off.” She said, frustrated. “You go back to your flat and you get off scot free from us and you beat yourself up.”

“You keep talking about consequences. Whatever they are, I can take them, but I’d rather you stop pussyfooting around them and just tell me straight. I’m assuming you’re not going to beat the ever loving shit out of me, so I kind of need to know where I stand.”

“Of course we’re not going to hit you.“ She took a steadying breath. "Right now, I need to focus on Hars and getting him out of hospital. We can talk about the consequences when you’re back home.”

No. 4 - TRUST FALL

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“Do you trust me?” | taken hostage | pushed

Finn had decided to ride out with Fao, much to both his parents and guards’ upset. He didn’t understand why there was such an issue - the kingdom faced a threat and he should have been there to face it. Just because he was the prince, it didn’t mean that his life was any more important.

They’d travelled a day or so on horseback before the terrain became too unsteady and the weather too poor to carry on. They’d done the best they could to find shelter, and then to make a fire.

Fao was much more willing to start one than he’d normally be, which only increased Finn’s suspicions that he’d directed them further away from where he’d intended to go. His lack of reluctance, however, was not unwelcome; the cold had seeped into Finn’s bones and he couldn’t shake it.

Fao crouched on the cold floor, trying to breathe some life into a little fire. He struggled a little, everything soaked, and swore under his breath as he did.

“Finn? Can you see to the horses? Make sure they’ve got water.”

“There’s plenty around them.” Finn groaned. “We’re almost drowning in it.”

“They can’t drink the rain.”

“What do you think I’m going to get them?”

“You know what I mean. They can’t drink from the fucking sky, can they?”

“They should be able to.” Finn huffed, standing to sort them. “Would make it easier.”

“Can you drink from the sky?”

“Yes.”

Fao rolled his eyes. “Of course you’d say that.”

“Can’t you?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the point.”

“It’s precisely my point.”

“Just water the horses!”

“You’re extremely grumpy today.”

“I’m always grumpy.”

“Moreso today.” He told him, settling down by the struggling fire. “Can’t you hurry? I’m freezing.”

Finn ignored the following complaint from Fao, choosing instead to sort his pack out. The food they’d caught earlier made his stomach turn and he hastily put it away. One night wouldn’t be the end of the world. Instead, he curled up by Fao, using the other man’s body for warmth.

Fao frowned, and softened as Finn pressed up to his side. He adjusted his cloak to sit over his shoulders and keep him a little warmer.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m just tired, I can’t get warm.” He admitted quietly.

“The fire will be warm soon. It just needed a little patience.” He said gently.

“I’m still cold.”

Fao shrugged off his cloak and fully draped it over Finn. “Here.”

Normally, Finn would have protested, but instead, he took it gratefully. “Thank you.”

“We can’t have you getting cold.”

“Why do you always sound like such a dick when you say things like that?”

“I was being genuine!”

“Still sounds like a dick.” He said. “I knew you weren’t. I’m just used to you taking the piss out of me.”

“I’m capable of being nice.”

“Sure you are.”

The fire was starting to grow now, finally taking hold. It warmed Fao, so hopefully would warm Finn too.

“It happens on occasion.”

He hummed. “I guess. Are you okay to take watch?”

“Yeah, go on. Get some rest.”

Finn shuffled closer. “Thank you.”

“Anything else you need?”

He shook his head, already drifting. He just needed some sleep, he’d feel better once he was warm and rested.

“Sleep well.” Fao murmured, shifting his weight a little to sit better - it was going to be a long night.

Finn slept fitfully, finally stirring just before dawn broke. Despite the fire still burning, he was cold. The pain in his head was crushing, and nausea curled in his stomach. He knew it wasn’t anything he’d eaten; he’d skipped the evening’s meal. Fao had moved from where Finn had curled on him, now sat opposite from Finn as he tended the fire. Finn struggled to his feet, he needed to relieve himself and lying down wasn’t doing him any good. He balanced himself against the trees surrounding him, heading away from their camp for privacy.

“Morning! You’re up early.” Fao called, carefully watching Finn as he headed out of the camp.

Finn grunted in response, too asleep to bother with an actual reply. After a few minutes, he headed back, stumbling towards Fao.

Fao didn’t miss the way the Prince stumbled. “Careful. Are you alright?”

“I don’t feel so good.” He admitted quietly.

“Sit. You’ve not eaten in too long, it’s probably that.”

His stomach twisted at the thought of food. “I’m not eating.”

“You ought to eat.”

Finn sat heavily, leaning against Fao. “No.”

“You need your strength. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “I must just be tired.”

“You don’t look particularly well.”

“I don’t feel particularly well. I told you that.”

Fao sat up straighter. “Talk to me?”

“About what?”

“How you feel. Dizzy?”

He shook his head. “Off balance.”

“Is that not the same thing?”

“Of course not.”

“Sick?”

“I haven’t been.”

“Feel it?”

He hesitated before nodding slightly. “Yes.”

Fao rubbed his arm, in a gesture he hoped was soothing. “I suppose that’s why you don’t want to eat.”

He leaned closer instinctively. “It is.”

“I’ve got you.”

“How far away are we from home?”

“Far enough.”

“We weren’t following the trail, were we?”

“No. We had to go off and out deeper.”

“You were just keeping me away from the fight. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“I have a duty to protect you, Finn.”

“And I have a duty to this kingdom!”

“And that duty requires you to stay alive.”

Finn groaned as he stood, swaying slightly. “My duty requires me to protect it!”

“If you go and get yourself killed, you’ll be no use to anyone. The best way to protect the kingdom is to keep yourself safe.” Fao said, standing up alongside Finn. “Careful. Sit back down, come on. You’ve gone pale.”

He pulled away. “No.”

“Finn, come on.” Fao said, reaching out for him. “You’re no good to anyone if you’re passed out.”

“Don’t touch me.” He snapped. “I’m getting Toren and going.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Finn.” Fao snapped.

He rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to follow Fao’s orders, he needed to be away from him.

“Finn!”

Finn made it halfway before he had to stop, bracing himself against a tree. He clasped??? his head with a quiet whimper, falling against the bark. He felt as if he’d been poisoned, and the only person around him had been Fao.

Fao rushed over to him, an arm on his shoulder. “Finn, come on. Let’s sit down again.”

He didn’t have much of a choice, his legs already given way beneath him. “Was your fault.”

Finn was heavy in his arms, and Fao groaned. “Careful, careful.” He said quietly. “I’ve got you.”

“You’ve poisoned me.”

“I’ve not, you’re alright.”

Finn shivered, wrapping his arms tighter around himself. “I’m not.”

Fao reached out for his pack, pulling it closer and digging around for the vials of liquid he kept. Finn often got like this, ever since an accident as a young child. “I’m gonna look after you. Take some deep breaths for me?”

“You’re doing it again.” He tried to pull away.

“I’ve always protected you in the past.” He said gently. “Do you trust me?”

It was harder to focus. “No.”

“It’s alright, Finn. I’m going to help you.”

“Please.”

“You need to drink this, Finn.” Fao said gently, fingers closing on the cool glass. “It’ll make you feel better.”

“It’s poison.” He reached a shaky hand to push it away.

“I promise it’s not.”

“You drink it.”

“It’s for you. Your medicine.”

“No.”

“From the physician. To help you feel better.”

“Swear?”

“Swear on my life.”

Finn took it from Fao, quickly downing the liquid. It was foul, as most of the cocktails were, but Fao had told him it would help. Despite his confusion and paranoia, he knew that Fao wouldn’t really hurt him. He’d always protected him.

“That’s it. It’ll make you feel better, hmm?”

“It better.” He murmured.

“It will. I’ve got you.” Fao said, an arm around the younger man. “I’m here to keep you safe. I’m always going to keep you safe.”

No. 2 - TALKING IS OVERRATED

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garotte | choking | gagged

Recovery had been really slow. Painfully slow, really. So long in hospital, Fao had lost track of the endless days dragging by. But he’d gotten out, and gone home, and done the endless appointments and physio and therapy and meds and jumped through all of the hoops they’d given him. Eventually, in an effort to find some of his old freedoms back, he found himself a flat in London, not far from where he’d lived as a student. Not long after moving in he acquired a housemate, through a mutual friend. Fao and Ollie got on really well, they clicked almost immediately, and it was nice to have someone who didn’t pity him, hadn’t known him before. The dog came not long after that, a little scrap of a puppy they found at the side of the road. Arrow was a sweet little thing, though he kept Fao up all hours of the night needing to be bottle fed. He was worth it. It was a purpose again. It made it so much easier to deal with everything when he had a little life depending on him.

He’d even started entertaining the idea of getting a job, which was as terrifying as it was exciting. But before that, he had one final surgery to get through. It was expected, it had been on the cards from the start. He’d spoken at length with his consultant, and it was a necessary evil to get things where they should be. At least it was planned, routine. They could schedule everything, and plan ahead, and nothing was rushed or panicked.

When Fao showed up to the hospital that morning, though, he felt awful. He knew it was the nerves, but he’d slept terribly and he had an awful headache already. It wasn’t exactly off to a good start. Ollie had driven him in, which at least meant he had company, and as he nervously got settled in his bay, he didn’t feel so alone. It really did make a difference.

He hated this side of things. Recently, he hasn’t felt like much of a doctor at all, but being back in hospital just made it so much worse. It was so familiar, it was almost like being teased. He longed to be on the other side, rushing around doing this and that. He’d kill for an elective list, even. Just for something to do. He desperately missed it. He sat chatting to Ollie, which kept him entertained enough, asking about whatever he’d done at work over the last few days. Elective orthopaedics wasn’t that exciting, but it was far more exciting than overthinking everything.

He was so nervous he couldn’t settle, shifting his weight about and fidgeting in his chair. Twice Ollie told him off for crossing his legs. Do you want a dislocation on top of everything else?! He’d asked, exasperated.

He didn’t have to wait long, though. Given his history, he was first on the list, and after speaking to his consultant and his anaesthetist, they took him down to theatre.

They let Ollie down with him, on account of him knowing his way around theatres. It was nice, to have him with him. They’d not known each other long, but Ollie seemed to know just what he needed, just how to keep him calm.

He didn’t even feel the cannula go in, didn’t panic as the drugs went in. Ollie was there, he was safe, and as the world faded to black he was surprisingly calm.

From there, he was intubated and quickly taken into theatre. Ollie was left to wait, and to update Fao’s family. Thankfully, it wasn’t a particularly long surgery, though it took longer than the surgeon had initially estimated.

Eventually, Fao was transferred out into recovery. Ollie could stop pacing the cold theatre corridors, and rushed to be with him. He didn’t come around well, which was standard, apparently - Ollie had never been there before. But Fao had told him, as had Sheila. He held his hand and soothed him through the nausea and the shaking, and once he’d settled off back to sleep, he called Sheila to let her know things were done and he was okay.

Of course, as soon as Fao called her, Sheila headed in. She’d bargained with him before his surgery, eventually being allowed to visit after, instead of taking him in. She knew he needed his space, wanted his independence, but he was still her son. She was going to be there for him no matter what.

The staff recognised her from the countless previous admissions, letting her straight through. She met Ollie first, pulling the young man in for a hug (Whether he wanted one or not, really). It wasn’t a surprise that Fao had come round poorly, but it was a relief to know he’d had someone to be there with him. With Sheila there, Ollie disappeared to grab a coffee - god knows he needed it.

She sat by Fao’s bed, waiting for her son to wake up. He was fast asleep and she didn’t want to wake him. At least when he was asleep, he wouldn’t be in pain - she knew his options for pain relief were limited and the staff were often stingy.

He stirred after a while, pain pulling at his attention and dragging him from his sleep. He was warm and his limbs were heavy, but he shuffled in bed and blinked open his eyes.

“Mum?” He managed to get out, forcing his eyes to focus.

“Hey, sweetheart.” She smiled at him, taking his hand. “I’m here.”

“Mm. ‘m ‘kay.”

“I know. You did so well.”

“Ollie?” He asked, after a long pause.

“Sent him for a coffee.”

“Sleepy.”

“That’s alright. Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

He nodded, his eyes already closed. It wasn’t hard to drift back to sleep, despite the pain. He slept for a while, not stirring as they checked on him. He was aware of them transferring him back to the ward, the sound of the lift and the changing of the light as the bed moved.

He didn’t properly stir again until a bit later, when Ollie was back with Sheila. Somehow, he felt worse than before. More woozy, and the taste of blood in his mouth was stronger. His breath hitched and he did his best to move in bed a bit, trying to sit up more.

“Easy, Fao. Take a moment, let me help.” Sheila was by his side immediately, trying to help.

Sitting made the dizziness worse, his blood pressure sinking, and he just felt wrong. He whimpered, trying to clear his throat. It was sore anyway, and dry from the oxygen, but suddenly it was as though he couldn’t breathe. He coughed, and then he couldn’t stop coughing, and then blood coated his tongue. It caught in his throat, too close to before. He tried to spit it out, but everything hurt, and he reached blindly for Sheila, panicked.

“I’ve got you, it’s okay, it’s okay.” She promised, stroking through his hair. “Just breathe, you’re okay.”

He couldn’t breathe. That was the problem. The world was hazy and he was dizzy and he couldn’t breathe. He was too hot then too cold and it was just like it had been after the crash. He coughed and then retched, managing to bring some blood up, but it wasn’t enough. He was still stuck, choking.

Ollie shared a look with Sheila, worried. This was bad.

“You’re okay, Fao.” She continued, trying to keep her son calm as Ollie called for help. She pulled Fao onto his side, an attempt to help him clear his throat.

He whimpered as she pulled him over, between the coughing and gagging. Everything hurt, and the room span with the change in position, making him feel even worse.

Ollie was in the corridor at this point, barking orders at people. It wasn’t often he was snappy, he rarely even shouted, but there was some sense of urgency needed.

There wasn’t much Sheila could actually do, trying to soothe her son. There was so much blood, far too much, and she knew it wasn’t good. She tried her best to get Fao’s attention, to try and ta;l him through it. He was obviously stuck in a flashback too, which only made things worse.

Soon enough, the bay was a hive of activity. The nurses called in the ward doctors who were desperately trying to get in touch with Fao’s surgeon. But he was in the middle of a list, and when his registrar finally arrived on the ward, he paled somewhat. They then had to find a consultant who was free, and an available theatre (and team) to find out what the fuck was going on, and fix it.

Things were quickly sorted, breathing got somewhat easier for Fao, just briefly, though the taste of blood was still overwhelming, between the retching. He was very quickly transferred back to theatres, and unlike before there was no taking their time. In a busy theatre he was out in seconds, no soothing words and gentle touches. There was just the ice cold burn of the drugs, and then nothingness.

That left Ollie with Sheila in an uncomfortably empty bedspace. She was covered in her son’s blood, and he awkwardly cleared his throat. “Uh, Sheila, maybe you should, uh, change?”

She couldn’t help the jump, lost in her thoughts. “I’ve not got anything to change into.”

“Fao’s got stuff.” He said gently. “He packed way too much.”

“Uh, yeah. Of course. I’ll change.” She stood, going through Fao’s bag and pulling out a hoodie and top. “I won’t be long.”

Ollie nodded. “Go on, I’ll wait here.”

“Not like we’ve got anywhere to be.” She said as she left, mainly to herself. She didn’t take long, dumping her clothes in a patient bag and heading back to Fao’s room to wait.

“True. He’ll be okay. Finn around?”

“He’s working. Said he’d be up when he could. I text him to tell him there were complications, that he had to go back to theater, but he hasn’t seen that yet.”

“Oh, Fao did tell me he was on placement. Poor sod.”

“I swear they try and one-up each other on everything.”

“So I’ve heard. He’ll be okay.”

“Fao didn’t have a clue where he was.”

“All those drugs make it hard at the best of times.” Ollie said. “We can just hope he doesn’t really remember it.”

“Fingers crossed.” She said quietly.

There was a knock at the door, Finn appearing around the corner. He frowned at the pair in front of him, the lack of his brother, and the fact his mum was in one of Fao’s hoodies.He gripped the doorframe to steady himself.

“What happened? Where is he?”

Ollie moved forwards. “Finn. It went well, but once he’d woken up a bit, there were… Complications. A bleed. He’s back in theatre now.”

He shook his head, looking at Sheila. “You said he was fine.”

“He was, he was out, he’d come round well enough for him, but…” She shrugged. “Like Ollie said, he had another bleed.”

“I was with him when he came round, he was alright. But something must have happened, a bleeding vessel or a bad suture or something. I can find out later, if they don’t say. He’ll be okay, they’ll sort it. These things happen.”

“These things don’t just happen.” Finn snapped, jerking away from Sheila’s arm.

“Finn, that’s enough. We’re all stressed, it doesn’t mean you get to be a dick. Sit down and wait.”

He glared at her before he turned to Ollie. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. You’re right, Finn, it doesn’t ‘just happen’. It shouldn’t have happened. But it’s a surgical complication, surgical complications happen. He’s with a good team, all we have to do now is wait.”

He flopped into the chair by his mum. “He had a good team before.”

“I know. It’s shit, isn’t it? Scared the shit out of me to see him like he was. He’ll be alright though. He’s been through worse.”

No. 1 - ALL TRUSSED UP AND STILL NOWHERE TO GO

@whumptober2021

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“You have to let go” | barbed wire | bound

Harrison and Fao had finally started to get along, much to the pack’s relief. It gave Sheila and Fred a (well deserved) break, and Finn a distraction.

They’d spend afternoons after school in the Sanctuary, dicking around until Sheila called them in for tea or bed.

Fao loved being able to hare around the sanctuary after college. Once he’d burned off his excess energy, he always focused better. He found his homework easier, and he slept better too. Finn was quickly becoming like a little brother to him, and Harrison was a friend. He didn’t get on with many people at college, it was nice to have someone.

Him and Harrison often got caught up playfighting, Finn left to his own devices somewhat. The older boys were bigger and stronger, he couldn’t always play with them. They didn’t even notice him slip away deeper into the sanctuary, whilst Fao and Harrison scrapped.

It really wasn’t fair anymore. Harrison always used to play with Finn and now he had Fao, often leaving Finn alone. With nothing to do and nobody to play with, Finn set off to explore.

They’d been doing some work round the back of the sanctuary, repairing where someone had tried to break in and ruin it all. It wasn’t all bad news, though, as they’d ended up receiving a grant from the local council, and the extra publicity had led to an increase in funding too.

He knew he’d be told off for playing around there, but assumed that exploring would be fine. He was only sniffing around anyway.

Despite his bravado, he was still skittery, especially when he was by himself. He was spooked by a bird flying at him, seemingly from nowhere, and he jumped back, tripping over his paws.

He didn’t feel the pain at first, but as he tried to stand, it burned through his leg and down his side. It surprised him and he yelped, overwhelmed with the pain for a moment. Finn tried again, trying to stand. It was agony.

He turned to nose at his side, met with barbed wire and blood. His leg was the same, and every movement tightened the wire around his leg. He yelped again, his cries growing more desperate as he struggled.

Fao and Hars must have been too far away, or maybe they’d even left. He continued to struggle, desperately trying to get free. His muzzle was covered in blood, mainly from his leg and side, but also from his attempts at pulling the wire off. He howled again, as loud as he could. It was filled with pain and fear, terrified he’d be left alone to die.

Fao and Hars hadn’t heard him at first, his yelps far too quiet over their own playful growls and the soft breeze that carried through the woods. They carried on scrapping, leaping about chasing eachother, until Finn’s howl pierced the air.

Fao stopped dead, digging his claws into the dirt. He called back to Finn, trying to let him know they were coming, before he rushed off in the direction of the howl, nose to the ground to find where he’d been.

Finn was too busy howling to hear Fao, panic overtaking him. He continued to struggle, screaming in pain as he got more and more tangled.

Finn’s pained screams terrified Fao. What the hell had he gone and done to himself? As he got closer, Finn’s scent was overwhelmed by the scent of blood. Lots of blood. Not long after that he saw him, caught in a pile of scrap, what looked to be barbed wire. He rushed over, pressing his nose to Finn’s head.

At the sight of Fao, his screams got more desperate, trying to reach him. He leaned into the older wolf, paws scrabbling on the floor to get closer.

Fao rushed over, trying to stop Finn from struggling too much. The more he wriggled, the more Fao could see the wire pulling at him, ripping through fur and flesh and causing the bleeding to get worse. He pressed up close to him, trying to soothe him. It was going to be okay, they’d make sure he was.

Finn couldn’t move with the weight of Fao on top of him. He was too stressed for Fao to help, though his cries slowly dwindled into whimpers, his whole body shaking.

Fao whined softly, trying to reassure him. He twisted to look for Harrison. They needed help, and now. This wasn’t good.

Harrison wasn’t as fast on his paws as Fao, but had been stood there long enough to see what had happened. He jutted his nose towards the camera, a warning to Fao. They couldn’t shift, even if he went to get help. They couldn’t blow their cover.

He’d run back and get help, Finn needed Fao more than him, and the other wolf would probably be better at calming him down.

He bolted off, paws pounding against the ground. He just had to hope someone would be free.

Of course they were next to a camera. If Fao wanted to shift, he’d have to leave Finn. And he couldn’t leave Finn without someone else there with him. He whined again, trying to stop Finn from moving so much.

Finn kept struggling, pressing his nose to Fao and then turning to bite at his leg. Why wasn’t Fao helping?

Fao huffed, and gently licked Finn. He sent him an image of the camera, and then tried to send him one to soothe him too. The more he moved, the more it was going to hurt.

It hadn’t occurred to Finn about shifting, but the more he thought about it, the better it seemed. The camera didn’t matter, they could sort that out after, he was sure. He whimpered, pawing at Fao with his free paw and trying to beg him for help.

Fao shook his head, nosing gently at him. He just had to stay still, it would be okay. They’d get him out. Harrison would come back and Fao could move away to shift and they’d get him out of the mess.

Harrison had grabbed as many people as he could, out of breath and only barely covering himself with a towel. The pack sprung into action, Steve and Sheila heading to Finn while the rest shut the cameras down and went ahead to prepare the clinic. It didn’t sound good.

Waiting for the pack was like torture. Every minute that dragged by felt like an hour, watching Finn bleed onto the dirt. He was clearly terrified - Fao could feel how scared he was. He was in a lot of pain, too. He wished he could do something to help, but it was just a matter of waiting.

Steve ran ahead, his medical kit slung over his back. He arrived at the boys’ side breathing heavily as he knelt down. Finn was covered in blood, but nothing was pouring out. He’d need to get him back to the clinic before doing anything, but he could already see Finn would need stitches.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay, Finn. You’re doing so good.” He started murmuring, quickly drawing up a sedative - it would be easier to assess without the risk of him shifting or pulling away.

Fao whined, gently nudging Steve’s side. Could he shift and help without getting caught?

Steve shook his head slightly, pushing Fao’s muzzle away for show. “Not yet.” He whispered. “They’re still on.”

He sighed, and went back to fussing over Finn. If he couldn’t shift, he could at least keep Finn as calm as possible. It was hard to tell, but it looked like Steve was about to sedate. That would help, but it would probably scare Finn more for a bit.

“Thank you.” He returned to fussing over Finn, gently and quickly getting a cannula in. “You’re okay, Finn. Just relax, okay?”

Fao whined, desperate to do more. But he couldn’t, not unless he shifted. He nosed at Finn again, all he could do.

Finn snarled at them, trying to pull his paw away. Steve was quick to respond, a low growl in warning as he gave the meds. They wouldn’t take long to work, but Finn needed to stay calm.

Fao stretched out to lay next to Finn trying to send over a calming thought, forcing himself to relax to relax the younger boy. He sent images of the two of them asleep together, the way they slept during the moons.

Despite the panic and pain, Finn slowly began to relax. He nudged Fao, trying to fight the sedation. Steve stroked Finn’s shoulder, quietly shushing the young wolf. It would be okay.

The sedation finally took hold, leaving Finn more out of it than not. He didn’t fight as Steve began cutting him free, choosing instead to press closer to Fao. His wounds were deep, and they’d have to fully sedate him to sort them, but they needed to move him. He’d be okay.

Fao stayed with him, careful to avoid the wire as Steve cut Finn free. Once they got him free he could shift and help Steve at the clinic, but for now he was still useless. It felt like an eternity to wait.

Sheila finally arrived, nodding to Fao. “Your bag is just by the tree. Go shift.”

As soon as Sheila spoke, Fao darted away to grab his back and shift. He hurriedly pulled on his jeans, rushing back over as he pulled a t-shirt on. His hands were covered in blood, but he had to get back to Finn. He had to help.

“I’m here.” He breathed.

He was quick to help Steve with Finn, trying to stop the bleeding the best he could. There was no time to think, to wait about for instructions. They only had a limited time until the sedation wore off, they needed to get him moved and into the clinic as quick as possible.

Steve got done as much as he could before taking a step back. He couldn’t do any more without the clinic. He kept murmuring to Finn in hushed tones as he picked the wolf up, hopping on the back of the ?truck?. He invited Fao up with him, the other boy very obviously calming Finn down.

It wasn’t a far drive back to the clinic, but it felt like an eternity for Sheila. She spent the drive glancing over her shoulder, checking on Steve and Finn. Her youngest had started to fight through the sedation, whimpering and whining as he struggled. Without the clinic though, Steve couldn’t give any more. He quietly shushed Finn, running his fingers through the small bit of fur that wasn’t covered in blood.

Fao sat with Finn and Steve, doing his best to soothe the younger wolf, keeping a careful eye on his breathing. It wasn’t long to the clinic, and he helped to get him out of the car and straight through into their theatre. Finn would need proper intervention to fix this. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best thing for everyone.

Finn batted a paw at Fao as everyone rushed around him. He made a quiet whine in protest, but the anaesthesia was strong in his system. He couldn’t have done it without Fao, had to tell him that he loved him. He huffed at him, his head too heavy to lift.

Fao leaned over to kiss his nose. “You’re okay. We’ve got you. Just go to sleep, it’s alright.”

For once, he did as he was told, slipping under. With Fao close, he didn’t panic either, letting the anaesthesia take over.

He stroked over his ears. “I love you. We’ve got you.”

No. 31 - HURT & COMFORT

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disaster zone | trauma | prisoner

Finn rushed down the stairs without a care in the world, his feet faster than his brain. From where he was stood at the top of the stairs, Fao tried to call out, but he couldn’t. It was as if his voice didn’t work.

His strangled cry for his brother to be careful was too late, as he tripped and fell. He landed in a broken heap at the bottom, his little body looking so lifeless, so wrong. And then there was the blood. So much blood, too much blood. For a moment Fao couldn’t move, and then suddenly he was crouched beside his brother.

He wasn’t breathing, his chest not moving at all. No pulse when Fao checked either. Just… nothing.

“Finn? Finn, don’t do this to me. Please, Finn.” He begged, as he struggled to start compressions. But someone pulled him away, dragged him off and told him it was a lost cause. He fought against them, screaming and crying out.

“Finn!” He screamed, the dream jolting into reality.

He’d screamed himself awake every night that week, but Finn had refused to leave his bed. He gently squeezed Fao’s hand, wrapping his other arm across his chest.

“It’s just a dream.”

Fao whimpered, curling into his brother. “Finn.”

“I’m right here. You’re okay.” He paused. “I’mokay.”

He exhaled shakily. “You’re ‘kay.”

Finn slowly moved their hands to his chest. “See? I’m okay. It’s just a dream.”

“You were…”

It wasn’t hard to guess what he’d been dreaming about. It plagued Finn’s nights more often than not. “I was. I’m fine now.”

Fao almost expected his hands to be covered in blood as Finn held them against his chest. But they weren’t, and he could feel the rise and fall of Finn’s chest as well as the rumble of his voice as he spoke. “‘M sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I am, though.” Fao mumbled, burying his face against his brother. “Love you.”

“You saved my life. No reason to be sorry.” Finn told him. “You know I love you too.”

“It’s always…” Fao’s voice cracked, and he paused for a moment. “You’re always gone.”

“I’m not. I’m here. I’m fine.” He promised. “We’re okay.”

“Can’t lose you.”

“You won’t. We’re brothers.” He pushed himself up to look at Fao, barely visible in the darkness. “Nothing will take that away from us.”

No. 30 - DIGGING YOUR GRAVE

@whumptober2021

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major character death | left for dead | ghosts

Blood. There was blood everywhere. Fao had never seen so much in his whole life. It covered his gloved hands, soaked into his combats, blurring the desert khaki.

The smell of it haunted him, filled his nose and choked him. The coppery, metallic scent. It had never bothered him, but it did now. He looked up at her, and the blood was matted into her blonde hair, staining the precious gold a dark crimson.

He fought to save her, speaking in soothing Gaelic to the woman he loved as he barked orders to the men and women around him.

She stirred, green eyes flickering open.

“F-Fao… A-am I gonna b-be okay?”

It broke his heart, to see her scared. Alex was never scared.

“Yeah sweetie, you’re gonna be just fine. You’re gonna go home and we’re gonna buy that big house you always wanted and I’m gonna marry you. Promise. I’ll let you pick the ring yourself.“

There was nothing he could do, as her eyes shut and her heartbeat stuttered and faded to asystole. He cried out, then, starting CPR even though he knew she was a lost cause.

“Let her go, Fao.” Someone called, though Fao didn’t know who. He couldn’t let go, couldn’t watch her fade away.

“No! I can’t!” He cried. He didn’t even know how long it had been. He kept up with the CPR, struggling. His shoulders ached and his hair was in his face- he needed a haircut. He wiped his bloody hands on his trousers and tried again. He kept going, though Alex’s lips were parted and chapped and there was a trickle of crimson over the dry chapped skin.

He felt strong arms on his shoulders, pulling him away from her. He fought it, but they dragged him away. He fought and he cried and he clawed at them, but still they dragged him away.

They let him into his tent, and left him crying on his camp bed, covered in his girlfriend’s blood. He staggered to the showers, stripped off his combats and stood under the lukewarm water, trying to scrub the blood off. He was crying, sobbing as he tried to get it all off. It clung to him, the smell still choking him. He gagged and then was sick, doubled over under the water. When he was done, he shut off the water, changed into something to sleep in and curled up on his camp bed. His commanding officer came in after a while, and told him that he was on leave effective immediately. They’d send him home as soon as they could, so he could make arrangements for her funeral.

He said he’d deliver the news to Alex’s parents himself. It had to be him, in person.

He couldn’t sleep, after that. Whichever way he laid just felt wrong, so in the end he gave up. He dressed, padded outside, and sat staring up at the stars with a cigarette.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for, long enough that the cold seeped into his bones. He’d forgotten how cold the desert got at night.

Eventually he found his phone, and managed to get his fingers to cooperate enough to call Sheila.

He held his breath as the phone rang, waiting for her to pick up. He knew it was late for them too, she’d likely be asleep. But he needed his mum. He needed her now more than ever.

Sheila answered, half asleep but panicking as she saw it was Fao. "Hello?”

“Mumaí…”

She sat up immediately, something in his tone sending dread through her. “What’s happened, sweetheart? I’m here.”

He was quiet for a minute, trying to find the words to tell her. She was just as much Sheila’s daughter as she was Fao’s other half. He sniffed, taking a deep breath.

“It’s ‘Lex.”

She let out a quiet gasp. “Fao.”

“She’s…”

He didn’t have to say it. She could already tell. “I’m so sorry, Fao.”

His voice cracked. “She’s gone.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

He couldn’t help but start to cry again, sobs wracking his body. “She’s gone, Mumaí. Gone.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She was stuck, and gently shook Fred awake. “I’m right here.”

“‘m comin’ home.” He said softly. “Soon.”

“Of course, you’ve got to. We’ll be here, you can stay with us.”

Fred squinted at her. “What’s wrong?”

“Alex.”

“Need to… Need to tell her parents.” He managed to get out.

“Do you want to call them now?”

“No. Gonna… Gonna go see them. ‘ave to tell them in person.”

“Of course.”

He took a shaky breath, trying to pull himself together. “I miss her already.”

Sheila curled into Fred. “I know.”

“I don’t know how to…”

“Just hold on. For us. For Alex. She’d want you to.”

“Be home soon.” He said, and paused. “Zeus!” Alex’s dog would be so confused.

“He’ll have you. You’ll be okay. You both will.”

He stayed on the phone with her for a long time, mostly just sat sniffling in silence. But it was nice to know she was there, to hear her soothing him every so often.

Soon they sorted getting him back to England, and the plane journey home was agony. Even more so, knowing Alex’s body was in the hold beneath him.

He spent the whole trip curled up in his seat, trying to read but instead just staring blankly at his book. Once they landed, he dragged himself through the airport and into the coach that would take him home. To the flat he’d shared with Alex. Her stuff was everywhere, strewn across the bedroom haphazardly, as they’d packed to go away.

Unbidden, he started to cry.

He sat on the edge of the bed and sobbed. After a while, he couldn’t cry anymore, and he got up, sniffling as he tidied all of Alex’s things. Once he was done, he had a shower, smoked a cigarette and went to bed. He didn’t want to move, but he owed it to Rob, and to Helen.

It was painful to tell them, but it needed to be done. He felt better for saying it, too. Glad knowing it had been him to break the news to them, not some faceless officer they didn’t know. And they comforted him too. Helen hugged him and told him he’d always be a part of their family.

Back at home, he stripped off his dress uniform, pulled on some pyjamas and crawled into bed. He didn’t move for a week, save to go to the bathroom and to eat. Not that he ate much. Plain slices of bread, mostly. He smoked in bed, too, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Without her, there was no meaning to his life. It was an echo of those days after Finn’s accident, the complete loss of everything. The numbness, the apathy. It was like nothing in the world existed.

Sheila had tried to call in on him every day, but she was pushed away. Fred, too, was ignored, and Finn had been in no fit state to leave the house. Fred eventually convinced Sheila to give their eldest some space, but only after Fao had promised that he wouldn’t do anything stupid. They trusted him, and knew he had to grieve, one way or another. There was no right or wrong way, and Sheila wasn’t going to force him.

After a painful week, Fao heard a key in his door, then the creak of the hinges as it opened.

“Fao?” Came a voice, calling out into the dark flat. It was Tom, he thought. He rolled onto his front, not in the mood to talk to them. He heard his bedroom door open, but he still didn’t move. That was when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and he finally rolled over onto his back.

“Fuck off.”

“Fao.” That wasn’t Tom. It was Jake. He blinked open his eyes, and they were all there. Connor, Matt, Jake and Tom. The whole squad, except for Alex.

“We thought you’d need a hand. Sheila said she’d not heard from you in too long. We’re here, and we want to plan the funeral. With you.” Connor said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, so go and have a shower, and we’ll make you tea, then we’re going to sort this. All of us.” Matt told him, pulling the duvet back.

Fao didn’t have a choice. He dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, hissing as the hot water ran over the raised red scabs covering his forearms and thighs. He felt mildly better after he’d showered, and all of them headed to meet. Alex’s parents, Sheila too (Fred was at home, and whilst Sheila didn’t tell him why, Fao knew it was because of Finn), Alex’s brother, the rest of the squad.

They planned the funeral, piece by painful piece, and before Fao knew it, the day loomed.

The day before, he’d had his hair cut, and that morning he showered and shaved before pulling on his dress uniform, determined to make sure everything was perfect. The five of them in the squad, and Alex’s brother - an officer in the Air Force, carried the coffin into the church. They’d elected to keep it quite small, with only a few friends and close family. The coffin felt infinitely heavy. He couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks as he strode down the aisle of the little church, silently crying. He could hear the rest of his squad and Mark too, sniffing to themselves as they set the coffin down, saluted and then turned away, taking their seats. Fao sat with the family, surrounded by people he knew so well.

He surprised himself by getting through the eulogy he’d written, his voice only cracking and faltering on him once. He was glad he managed, glad he was able to give his girlfriend the send off she deserved.

He went back to Fred and Sheila’s afterwards, Fred bundling him in the car and saying something about it being too late to drive back to Birmingham. Zeus was already staying with them for now, an extra couple of days wouldn’t make any difference at all. They knew he needed his space, they had to at least try and trust him. The current state of Finn’s physical and mental health wouldn’t make things any easier, but they could have one night.

He sat on the back step of the house and smoked, lost track of how many he’d had. He needed the isolation, the distance from the rest of the family. It was well and truly dark, but as he sat out back he saw a fox trot through the garden, looking skinny but unafraid. It made him smile, despite everything, and he thought perhaps there was a piece of Alex still looking out for him. Looking out for all of them.

No. 29 - ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

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“You’re still not dead?” | too weak to move | overworked

Finn had spent all week at work, and the week before that, and the week before that too. Despite the Daniels’ help, Jess was struggling. She had assignments and cases to do, on top of trying to look after Amelia. She wouldn’t change her daughter for anything, but she just needed a break. Just ten minutes to herself.

They were meant to have the Saturday off together, a rare occurrence anyway without their schedules acting against them. Instead Finn had pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and left her alone in bed, blaming some work emergency. He promised he’d be home for tea, and that he’d make it up to her another day, but she knew he wouldn’t be back before dark.

With their day ruined and Amelia somehow still asleep, she figured she might as well crack on with some of her work. It wasn’t going to do itself, after all. She could catch up on sleep later, once her casework was done. Just in case, she kept the baby monitor nearby, waiting for Amelia to wake up and start her demands. With a glass she wasn’t sure didn’t have wine in, she sat down to work.

Sheila had told Fao Jess was having a hard time, Finn working more and more with less time at home. He had the Saturday off, unlike his brother. He was alone though, Ely on shift as well. With Jess struggling, he decided to go over to see if he could give her a hand with Ameila, let her get some work done.

He let himself into the house, hesitant to call out in case Amelia was sleeping. He couldn’t find Jess anywhere obvious, so headed into her little office space.

“Jess?”

She jumped, spilling her glass. “Fucking hell, Fao.”

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t want to wake Amelia if she was sleeping.” He said, glancing down apologetically. “Forgot I walk quietly.”

“Instead you give me a heart attack.”

“Sorry. Sheila said you were having a crappy time, with Finn doing overtime. Do you want me to take Amelia for the day?”

“I’d be fine without interruptions.”

“Sorry, sorry. Look, why don’t I take her, and then you won’t have any more?”

“I don’t need your pity.”

He folded his arms over his chest. “Really? You think this is pity?”

“I think you sneaking in here and planning to take Amelia is pity, yeah.” Her voice wavered.

“I wasn’t going to take her without talking to you. She’s my niece, I just wanted to help…”

“I don’t need your help, I just need to get this done.” She stood, arms folded. “I don’t need any of your help. I can do this myself.”

“Sure. But you don’t have to. Surely getting your work done would be easier without Ameila needing something every five minutes?”

“It would be easier if Finn wasn’t constantly at work and my work gave me half an hour to myself.”

“Hence why I’m here.”

She groaned in frustration, turning away from Fao as the tears started to fall. She didn’t need their help, she had to do it by herself.

“Come on, let me take her out to the park or something. A few hours, give you some time to rest?”

“I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity.”

“How am I meant to do it, Fao?” She turned to face him. “I’m trying my best but I’m not getting anywhere.”

“That’s what family is for, Jess.”

“I…I know that. I’ve just got to do it.”

He moved closer. “Come on, if the roles were reversed you’d want to help me or Ely out.”

“Of course.”

“So let me give you a hand?”

“Thank you.”

“I can do the housework, too? Put some washing on, change your bed, make dinner? So you don’t have to stress.”

“No, no. That’s too much.”

“I don’t mind. I’d just be sat at home doing nothing, might as well make myself useful.”

She hesitated. Finn couldn’t cook, and it was safer that he didn’t. “Tea might be nice.”

“Yeah? I’ll sort things for you.”

Jess moved forward, wrapping her arms around Fao. “Thank you.”

The hug surprised Fao, but he wrapped his arms around Jess. “I’ve got you, don’t worry about it.”

“Finn’s lucky to have you for a brother.”

“I’m lucky to have you as a sister in law.”

She pulled back to wipe her tears away. “God, I’m sorry. You came over to help and I’ve just broke down on you.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” He said. “Break down all you like.”

“I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I never realised it was going to be this hard.”

“Finn being gone so much doesn’t help.” He said gently, squeezing her shoulder. “You’re doing an amazing job.”

“It’s just the icing on the cake.”

“Yeah. It’s rough. I hope he’ll get back onto a proper schedule soon.”

“I’m proud of him, he’s always wanted to be like you and he’s doing it. I just… it’s hard.”

“God, it’s so hard. I couldn’t do what you’re doing.”

“She makes it all worthwhile, you know? Her little smile makes it all better.” She sighed. “Her screaming in the middle of the night doesn’t though.”

“She’s gorgeous, but she’s just as high maintenance as her dad.”

“Maybe more so.”

“Probably.”

“Takes after me too.” She tried to joke.

“Only the good bits, I’m sure.”

“Days like today, I’m not sure I have any good bits.”

“You do. Have you had any decent sleep? Why not give yourself a couple of hours?”

“I haven’t got time.”

He hugged her again quickly, and then pulled back. “I’ll stop distracting you, I’m sure you’ve got so much to do. Just shout if you need me though, yeah?”

“Thank you, Fao. For everything.”

“Anything for family.”

No. 28 - IT’S NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD

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“Good. You’re finally awake.” | nightmares | panic

Returning home after his injury was odd. Easter things were still strewn around the house, Easter eggs still waiting to be eaten, but he had no memory of any of it. Everyone treated him like he was going to break, and half the time, he believed them. His whole world had turned upside down in a matter of moments, and he no longer knew where he stood.

Though they tried to keep it as normal as possible, it couldn’t have felt further from it. They’d all become used to being in hospital with Finn, used to all the busy of the ward and rehab. There were no longer strict mealtimes, observations every few hours, or the nurses popping in for a chat. The only normal thing was his bedtime.

After a day being home, Finn was all too glad to go to bed. He changed into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth before clambering into bed. Fao, of course, read him a bedtime story, staying until Finn fell asleep.

When Finn woke again, it was dark. He stretched out slowly, finding Lion under the covers and pulling him closer. He tried falling back asleep by himself, but he just couldn’t drift off. Things felt wrong and he couldn’t settle. It was easy to make up his mind, grabbing his blanket and lion before padding into Fao’s room.

“Fao?” He whispered into the darkness. “Fao?”

Fao stirred, lifting his head in the darkness of the room before he reached out to flick the light on. “Finn? You okay?”

He squinted at the light, scrubbing at his eyes as he made his way to Fao’s bed. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh, come snug then.” Fao said, moving over and pulling the duvet back.

Finn clambered into bed, wriggling to find the right spot. He tucked himself against Fao’s chest and sighed happily. “Night.”

“Night, Finn. Sweet dreams.”

His dreams were the opposite, nightmares mixed with reality and twisted into something worse. He woke with a panicked cry, trying to push himself away from the nurses holding him down again. When they didn’t immediately let go, he screamed.

Finn woke Fao long before he woke up. His brother wriggled in his sleep, digging his elbow into Fao’s ribs. He kicked out, getting Fao in the shin as well. Despite his attempts to wake him up, Finn was truly fast asleep until he startled awake and tried to push Fao away. He wasn’t exactly strong, and so when Fao didn’t move, he screamed.

“Hey, hey. Finn. It’s me, it’s Fao. You’re safe.”

Between the panic and (word?), Finn couldn’t hear him. He kept fighting, struggling with the duvet and the hands forcing him into the bed. His hands curled into fists as he tried desperately to get away.

Fao sat up. “Finn? It’s me, it’s Fao.” He said slowly.

Finn had finally escaped from the duvet and he backed up against the wall. His chest heaved as he tried to figure out where he was. It was too quiet for the hospital, but he could hear Fao in the dark. His nails dug into his legs as he tried to catch his breath.

“You’re alright.” Fao soothed. “You’re safe, you’re at home.”

The light flicked on. “Boys? What’s wrong?”

Fao looked up, the big lights making him squint. “Nightmare, I think.”

Finn dived for Fao, burying into his brother’s side. He gripped onto him tightly, fingers digging into his skin.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“Do you need anything?” She asked quietly.

“Maybe some water?” Fao asked softly.

She nodded and quietly slipped away. Finn had chosen Fao for comfort, she might as well help how she could.

Finn struggled to catch his breath, pressing closer to Fao. Tears streamed down his face and he whimpered softly.

“I’m here, you’re okay. Take a deep breath, yeah? Copy me.”

“Tryin’.” He managed between sobs.

“You’re doing really well.” Fao encouraged gently. “Well done.”

He shook his head, he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t doing well at all.

“It’s okay. You’re safe now, just me and you.”

He pressed closer, curling further into Fao’s side. Fao was a comfort, he always had been. He was always there for him, had always protected him and stood up for what he needed, especially when he couldn’t do so himself.

“I’ve got you. Mum’s gone to get some water, you’re doing so well. Focus on trying to slow those breaths a bit. Well done.”

Slowly, he began to calm his breathing, focusing on Fao and copying him. Sheila returned with a glass of water for each of them and silently placed it on the bedside table beside them. She shot Fao a look, but didn’t dare to disturb them. As she left, she flicked the lights off, quietly pulling the door to.

Fao flashed his mum a smile, grateful for the water and the quiet. “Well done Finn, that’s it. Shall we have some water, hmm? Gotta be thirsty from all that crying.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Just stay here then, hmm?”

“Yeah.”

“Want to try and sleep?”

“Not tired.”

“Shall we at least get comfy?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“No point not being comfy. Have you got Lion?”

“He’s here somewhere.”

“Shall we find him?”

“‘Kay.”

Fao moved to push the duvet back, looking for the stuffed animal. He was easy enough to find, thankfully, and Fao handed him to his brother. “Here.”

“Thank you.” Finn said quietly.

“It’s okay. You cuddle up to Lion, yeah?”

“And you.”

“And me.”

“Tell me a story?”

“What sort of story?”

“A good one.”

“A good one, eh?”

He nodded. “Please.”

“Alright. A good story…” Fao moved under the duvet a little, getting comfortable before he started to talk. He kept his voice low, in order to try and get Finn to feel sleepy again.

No. 27 - I’M FINE. I PROM…

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passingout | vertigo | collapse

part 1// part 2

Fred was too drunk to drive, and Finn wasn’t allowed his licence, so they had to call a taxi while Fao travelled with the ambulance. Finn had quickly packed a bag, just some clean clothes and snacks, out of habit more than anything. He grabbed his Lion and Fao’s eeyore as a just in case.

They met Fao and Sheila at the hospital, She looking a lot worse for wear. Fao had his arm around her, letting her lean into him as she complained quietly. It was slightly amusing to him, after the many hours they’d spent with the roles reversed.

Fao looked up at the two of them as they appeared. “Hey. All okay?”

Finn rolled his eyes as he sat next to Fao. “Dad’s pissed, what do you think?”

“Bet that was a fun taxi ride. The ambulance wasn’t much better.”

“You didn’t have to have a history lesson.” He grumbled. “How long is the wait?”

“Long enough.”

Fred leaned over. “It’s a shame we’re not in Germany.”

“I dunno, my German is shocking.” Fao muttered. “Probably best we’re in London.”

“Maybe, but we could have had beer in Germany. Do you know what beer is in German? Bier.”

“Think we’ve had enough beer, Dad.”

“That’s what got you into this mess.” Finn added.

“I’m not drinking again.” Sheila groaned. “So definitely no beer.”

“Mum’s got the right idea.” Fao pointed out. “Hopefully we’re not waiting too much longer, you’re probably going to need a head CT.”

“I didn’t even pass out.”

“Maybe so, but you took a decent whack to the head and the alcohol makes it hard to see what’s drunk you and what’s head injury you.”

“But I was drunk before I hit my head.”

“I know. But it makes it difficult to tell if anything new comes up.”

She sighed, reaching a hand to touch the bandage again. “Is it still bleeding?”

“Looks it. Try not to touch.” Fao said, taking her hand.

“But I can’t see it otherwise.”

“You don’t need to see it.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t, mum.”

“Just leave it be.” Fao said gently.

Soon enough they called her through, leaving Fao and Finn to coral both drunk parents. It wasn’t exactly easy, and it was safe to say Fao understood quite how they’d met, now. Drunk Fred would definitely throw up in a plant and end up marrying the person the plant belonged to.

Sheila’s scans were clear, and they were satisfied it was just a simple head injury. They’d left the family waiting in a cubicle while they checked over the scans, and so the nurse returned with an apology.

“Sheila Daniels? I’m just going to do a quick set of observations and then we’ll get started on stitching you back up.”

“Does it really need stitches?” Fred asked from the corner, feeling rather worse for wear and just wanting to be anywhere but hospital. “Can’t you just glue it? Get it done.”

The nurse smiled. “Stitches are better for this one, I’m afraid. Won’t take long.”

“Quickly, then.” Fred said to the floor.

“We’ll get you all home soon. It’s late, isn’t it?”

“We were all ready for bed, I think.” Fao said, rubbing Sheila’s arm.

“I’m definitely ready for bed.” Sheila agreed.

“Just a few stitches, and we’ll be sorted.” Fao told her.

The nurse was quick with the obs, and then set out her stuff to stitch. “Alright Sheila, just a sharp scratch, okay?”

She nodded. “Sorry. Meant to be still, aren’t I? I’m ready.”

“That’s alright, it’s instinct to nod, isn’t it?” She reassured, and once she was still and settled, she set about giving the local. “That’s it, well done.”

Fred had only been growing more pale with the discussion of stitches, but as soon as she started injecting the local, it was too much. His legs gave out and he dropped to the floor, Finn desperately trying to keep him from smacking his head.

“Dad?”

Fao looked up just to see Fred hit the floor, Finn doing his best to stop him. “Oh, shit.” He muttered, rushing over. “Nothing’s ever simple with this family.”

More doctors quickly swarmed the room, checking Fred over. He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but a quick glance at Sheila made things clear. The sight of the needle made his stomach flip and he passed out again.

Fao gave a hand where he couldn’t, murmuring that he was a registrar up in Birmingham. There wasn’t a lot they could do, but he urged the nurse to get Sheila sorted quickly.

“I’ll stay with dad.” Finn promised as they were separated, shooting his mum a small smile. “Won’t be long.”

“It’ll be alright.” Fao reassured.

Fred came to with a sore head and Finn staring down at him rather disapprovingly. “Is there something you want to say?”

“I’m not the biggest fan of needles.” He admitted quietly.

No. 24 - ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO

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self-induced injuries to escape | flashback | revenge

Finn was late for uni. He’d slept in and was rushing around his room, trying to find his notes and laptop. He made it to the front door before he remembered his headphones.

With a groan, he headed back upstairs. They were by his bed and he grabbed them with a grunt. He called a goodbye to everyone - still in bed, the lucky sods - and hurried downstairs.

He was almost at the bottom when Apollo shot past him, causing him to startle and trip. He caught himself before he fell, but it didn’t stop the panic.

He made it to the bottom without further incidence and took a moment to catch his breath. His heart was racing and his mind elsewhere. His alarm rang from his pocket, pulling his attention and distracting him for a moment. He needed to catch the bus. With a few minutes to spare, he grabbed his bag and rushed out the door.

By the time he got sat on the bus, his heart was racing even faster. His chest heaved and he struggled to slow it down. He could feel his myos starting to flare, electric shocks shooting up his spine.

As always, they drew stares and dirty looks, but there was nothing he could do about it. He shoved his earphones in, trying desperately to distract himself. His hands shook as he typed, but Jess was asleep and didn’t reply. He tried Fao.

Fao are you up?

Of course Fao was up, he always was. Seeing Finn’s message worried him, and he immediately called his brother back.

Finn answered. “Can you just talk to me?”

“Is everything alright?” Fao asked, rolling over in bed.

“Fine. Just talk to me.”

He hummed. “Can’t promise I’ll be interesting, but sure. I had a really weird surgical list yesterday, I swear my boss is waiting for me to trip up and make a mistake. I know why they’ve got me doing routine electives, they want to know I’m not some crazy army cowboy who’s just got consultancy that’s going to go around killing trauma patients, but it’s so counterproductive. How many routine elective cholecystectomies did I do in Afghanistan? A big fat zero. Sure, I know what I’m doing, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, my boss was scrubbed in with me all day and it’s so fuckingintimidating having the clinical lead peering over your shoulder the whole time when you’re trying to remember what you’re doing. It’s infuriating. So they’re giving me the most routine, boring, run of the mill cases, and it’s driving me insane. I’m glad to be working and all, don’t get me wrong, but I’d kill for something juicy, to show them what I’m really made of. Ollie had loads of interesting trauma yesterday and what do I get? Gallbladders. So many gallbladders.”

Fao’s rambling helped a little, pulled his attention from the racing of his heart. He was glad Fao was working again, it gave him a purpose and something to work towards. He cleared his throat.

“That’s rude.”

“Eh, I’ll get over it. There’ll be trauma eventually, there always is. And Ollie will go back to broken hips and he’ll tease me about it. You on your way to uni? Maybe you can find my boss and tell him that gallbladders are boring and your big brother wants some real work.”

“Yeah maybe.”

“Arrow misses you. You should come over after uni, come see him and give him some love. He’s gotten so big since you last saw him, you wouldn’t believe it. He’s such a menace, too. Chewed my socks to shreds.”

Finn took a beat to reply. “Ollie?”

“No, no. Arrow. Thankfully Ollie doesn’t chew my socks too, otherwise I’d be looking for a new housemate. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“No. I can’t breathe.”

“Alright. You’re okay, yeah? You’ve got me, I’m right here.” Fao said gently.

“Except you’re not.”

“I’m on the end of the phone. Where are you? I can come and get you.”

“I’m on my way to uni.”

“I can meet you there?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll stay on the phone with you. Have you got any friends with you?”

“Think they got the earlier bus.”

“Alright. I’m just getting dressed.” He said gently, getting up.

“Driving?”

“I’m gonna have to, but it won’t take long.”

“It’ll take forever.”

“It won’t, I promise.”

Finn stayed quiet, trying to breathe through the feeling he was going to pass out. He rested his head against the window, groaning quietly.

Fao struggled to throw some clothes on, talking nonsense to Finn as he did. He was quickly in his car, driving out to the uni to get Finn.

Luckily for Finn, the bus driver knew him, and his seizures. When the young man didn’t get off he waited a moment and called down to him. Embarrassed but extremely grateful, Finn stumbled off the bus and headed inside to wait for Fao.

Fao arrived at the uni not long after the bus, rushing to find his brother, worry curling in his stomach. He didn’t want a public seizure if he could help it, it always made things awkward for Finn.

Finn glanced up as Fao finally arrived, almost crying in relief.

Fao reached out to pull his brother in for a hug. “I’ve got you. Come on, let’s get you home.”

He let Fao hug him, but didn’t stand. He didn’t trust his legs to hold his weight.

“I slipped on the stairs. Pollo ran past me.”

“Startled you, eh?”

He took a shaky breath as he shook his head. “I’m missing near a month around then, but I still remember falling.”

“Oh, Finn.” Fao breathed. “It’s alright.”

“It’s not.” He bit back a sob, picking at his sleeves. “None of this is.”

Fao sat down next to him. “I know it’s tough. When you have those… fragments of memory, it sucks. Something will just drag you back there and it really throws you off.”

“You don’t get it. There’s just nothing and then…” He visibly curled in on himself. “You don’t get it.”

“No, I know.” He said softly.

“I close my eyes and I’m back there. I’m not meant to remember any of it. But I do.” He shook his head. “It’s that bit, over and over and over again. It never goes away.”

“The feeling of falling?”

“It’s the same as before a seizure starts.”

Fao rubbed his brother’s arm. “I can’t ever really understand. I’m sorry.”

“It felt like the world was ending. Everything was on fire and I couldn’t even breathe.” He swallowed thickly.

Fao took a deep breath. “Oh, Finn.”

“Sometimes I wake up and I can’t move, and it’s that all over again.”

“I…”

“Sometimes you’re there, sometimes I’m alone. But it always plays out the same.”

“It’s hard.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“Yeah, and this morning has brought it all back, I bet.”

“It was my nightmare.”

“Yeah. Shall we get you home?”

“Yours.”

“Yeah, mine.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

No. 22 - REGRET (Alt. 12)

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Ely is stolen from @epochandeons as per usual :)

“I don’t understand why you’re in such a mood with me!” Fao exclaimed, exasperated. Ely had been off with him since he’d come in late the night before, and he’d finally lost it with her.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because you’ve done close to an 80 hour week this week! I hardly see you, and you’re supposed to be taking things easy! You’re not long after major surgery, or had you forgotten that bit?”

“I’m recovered, I’m fine! I got the all clear to come back to work.”

“You got the all clear to take it easy at work! You’re so bullheaded!”

“It’s not my fault the department is down two surgeons. I have to work otherwise we’d have no trauma cover! You know what it’s like.”

“Not to the point of working yourself to death. They can get locums in, you’re going to end up hurting yourself Fao!”

“I’m not going to hurt myself.” He snapped. “I’m fine. You can’t wrap me in cotton wool forever, let me life my fucking life!” He turned away from his girlfriend, grabbing his boots. “I’m taking the dog for a walk, I’m not having this conversation anymore.”

“Oh, so we’re just going to ignore it, then. Sounds about right, you ignore everything else.” Ely retorted sarcastically.

“Oh, charming.” He muttered, resting his leg on the edge of the bed to tie his laces.

Finn had been standing outside his brother’s door for most of the argument. He’d been about to knock before the raised voices, and he’d hesitated. His stomach was still flipping though, and he knew he couldn’t leave it. He couldn’t risk being alone.

He knocked gently. “Fao? Ely?”

Ely frowned. “Finn? What’s wrong?” She called.

“Can I come in?”

Ignoring Fao, Ely crossed the room to open the door. “Are you alright?”

He shook his head. “Feel all wrong. Didn’t want to be alone.”

Leg still up on the bed, Fao twisted to look at his brother, concerned. “Finn?”

“I need help.”

“Why don’t you sit down?” Ely said gently.

“Can’t.”

“Sit on the bed.” Ely told him.

She didn’t get it. “Can’t.”

Fao twisted further, trying to work out what the hell was going on. Really, he should have known better, but he wasn’t thinking. Finn was always his priority. That was, until pain overwhelmed him, and he struggled to stay upright. “Fuck.’

Finn was too distracted to pay attention to Fao, grabbing at Ely to stop himself falling.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Ely muttered, struggling to help Finn. “Fao, what’s going on?”

“Uh, I, fuck. Think I’ve done my hip.”

“The fuck do you mean done?!”

“Well, uh, it hurts.” He said weakly. “I think it’s dislocated. I’ll live. How’s Finn?”

“Ely.” Finn managed between absences and myos. “’s Fao?”

Desperately trying not to keel over, Fao grabbed at the bed and tried to sit. “Ely, there’s midaz in my bedside drawer.”

“Why can’t the two of you just take it in turns?” She grumbled, grabbing Finn’s meds. “Fao, are you going to be alright?”

“I need help getting on the bed.” He whimpered.

Finn finally lost his fight against the seizure, slipping under and convulsing.

Keeping an eye on the time, Ely swore as Finn started to seize. But there wasn’t a lot she could do, and so rushed to help Fao.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Fao groaned. The pain was immense, but he was more worried about Finn. He couldn’t help manage the seizure, couldn’t do much of anything. He was settled enough, and then pushed his girlfriend’s hands off of him. “Sort Finn, not me.” He snapped.

Ely knew better than to argue with him, and wordlessly crouched next to Finn. They at least had pillows to protect him a little, but really it was a waiting game until they could give Midaz. She just hoped he resolved before then.

It did, thankfully. It still left him unconscious and out of breath, his tongue bleeding and running down his cheek. Finn didn’t move, taking his time to come round.

Worried, Ely took a quick set of obs (as many as she could, anyway, and then left Finn to come round in his own time, propped up on his side. She turned her attention to her boyfriend, but one look told her all she needed to know.

“Well, that’s dislocated.”

“I can’t fucking believe this.”

No. 21 - THAT’S WHERE THE BLOOD’S SUPPOSED TO BE

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bleeding through the bandages | pressure | blood-matted hair

It had been a rare evening Sheila and Fred had to themselves, making the most of it and heading out for drinks. Fao had been more than happy to babysit Finn, though Finn argued that at sixteen he didn’t need babysitting.

They were both rather drunk when they returned home, the taxi driver all too happy to drop them off.

While Sheila headed upstairs to get changed, Fred nipped outside for a smoke to settle his stomach. He was better than when he first met Sheila, but he’d never say no to a quick break.

Fao was on the phone to Alex when his parents got in, and he could tell Sheila was drunk from the way she laughed as she got in.

“Hang on a sec, ‘Lex.” He said, and stuck his head out of his bedroom. “Good time?” He called, amusedly.

“Oh, shush you.”

“I’m not holding your hair back when you puke your guts up later.”

“I’m not you.”

“Hey! I’m good!” He protested, but let her get on, returning to his girlfriend on the phone.

Sheila rolled her eyes (a bad decision considering how the room already span) and headed in to get changed. Fred wouldn’t be too long, she was sure, so she had to hurry to grab a shower before he decided to hog it all.

Now Fred and Sheila were home, Fao headed downstairs and outside for a smoke before bed, after saying goodnight to Alex. He was unsurprised to find Fred out there already, and grinned at him as he lit his cigarette.

“Enjoyed yourself?”

Fred hummed. “Was nice to have some time out.”

“I bet.”

“She got a bit tipsy.”

“So did you by the looks of it.”

“I’m completely fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Could walk in a straight line, all that bullshit.”

“Mmhmm. Sure, sure.”

“Wanna see?”

“Nah, I believe you. Probably best not to go wandering into the pitch black garden.”

“I’ve only fallen once while gardening.” Fred said confidently.

“Let’s keep it that way, not tempt fate.”

“Sure, sure.” He lit another cigarette. “Keep fate where it is.”

“She will kill you if she catches you chain-smoking.”

“I’ve had two. That’s not a chain.”

“Might as well be.”

“It’s not a chain.”

“Sure.”

Content he’d won his argument, Fred settled back into silence, enjoying his smoke. After a while, he stumped the end out, leaving it on the side.

“I’m getting a tea. Want one?”

“How about I make one, you just sit and chill.”

He hummed. He wasn’t going to pass up on Fao doing the hard work. “Sounds good.”

“Then the sober person is in control of the hot water.”

Fred huffed at him. “Yeah, whatever.”

Fao finished his cigarette and headed inside, filling the kettle and flicking it on. He didn’t exactly trust Fred.

Fred had just sat down to relax when there was an almighty thud from upstairs. He jumped to his feet, swaying as he tried to balance himself.

“Finn? Was that you?”

Fao frowned. “Didn’t sound like Finn… Finn?! Mum?!” After no response, he turned to Fred. “Stay put, I’ll go and see what’s going on.”

Finn met Fao at the top of the stairs, half asleep and very confused. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, it wasn’t you.” Fao said, glancing at Finn. “Heard a thud.”

“Yeah, me too.” Finn frowned, worry creeping in. “Mum?”

“She’s pissed as anything.” Fao told him, pushing the bedroom door open. “Mum? You okay?”

“No.” She admitted dramatically, sat on the ensuite bathroom’s floor, her head in her hands. “No.”

Fao rushed in. “What’s wrong, what’s happened?”

“I slipped.” She said with a sigh, before smirking. “I went splat.”

There was blood on the edge of the sink, and a significant amount on Sheila’s top, too. Sighing, Fao crouched in front of her. “Yeah, looks like you did. Here, let me have a look at you, hmm?”

“Oh I’m fine.” She brushed him off.

“Mum, you’re bleeding. Let me look.”

“I am. I slipped.” She raised her hands, covered in blood, to her face as she tried to wipe the blood dripping down it. “I’m bleeding.”

“Do we need an ambulance?” Finn asked, slightly panicked.

Fao glanced up. “We’ll need to go in regardless. Probably best to call one?”

“No, no. I’m fine.” Sheila insisted trying to stand up.

“Hey, hey. Wait. You’ve probably given yourself a pretty solid concussion. Don’t want you standing up too quickly and falling over again, eh?”

“I’m not Finn.” She said confidently. “I just slipped.”

“At the very least you’re going to need stitches and a scan.”

“Oh no.”

“Might as well go in an ambulance, rather than getting blood in my car, hmm?” Fao said, twisting to look at his brother. “Can you grab the first aid kit?”

Finn disappeared into the main bathroom to grab it. There were a few left around the house, and were always in reach.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” Fao said, taking it from him. “I just want to try and stop this bleeding a bit…”

“Ow!” Even drunk, she felt it as Fao pressed against her head. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, I know it hurts. But I need to do it, yeah? Stop you bleeding so much.”

“No. It hurts. Please stop.”

“Sorry Mum, it needs doing.” Fao said gently. “Try some deep breaths.”

“No, get off.” She pulled away. “I’m fine.”

“I know, I know.”

“Fao, I’m fine. Get off.” The evening’s earlier merriment had quickly disintegrated.

“Mum, you’re fucking bleeding.”

“Iknow.”

“So let me help you?”

“Do you have to ?”

“Do you want to bleed everywhere?”

“No.”

“In that case, I’ve gotta help you.”

“Is it bad?”

“It’s gonna need stitches.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Who’s the doctor here, eh?”

“Does it really need stitches?” The bandage done, she shuffled away from Fao, trying to get up.

“It does, yeah.”

“Fred can drive me.” She turned to face Fao, and finally stood. “I’m fine.”

“He’s drunk too, Mum.” Fao said gently. “Just wait for the ambulance.”

“You called an ambulance?” She sighed heavily, looking at Fred standing behind Finn. “And you let them?”

“Finn’s very persuasive.” He defended.

“Better they come and give us a hand, eh?”

Sheila made her way past Finn, scowling at the pair. “I didn’t need an ambulance.”

“Mum, sit down for me, yeah?”

“They can’t see me like this!”

“They’ve seen much worse.” Fao said drily. “They see Finn all the time.”

“Hey!”

“I don’t care. I need to get changed. Out.”

“I don’t want to leave you. Let me help you?”

Her expression twisted into disgust. “No.”

“I’m not that bad!”

“I don’t need your help!”

“It’ll be quicker if we help you.”

“No.” She crossed her arms, not unlike Finn. “No.”

“Come on, Mum.”

“Fao, I’ve said no.”

“What do you want to get changed into? What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”

“It’s covered in blood!”

“They won’t care, we’ll just bring you some fresh stuff for when you get to the hospital.”

Frustrated tears sprung to her eyes. “Just let me change!”

“Alright, alright. Let me get you some stuff out, then.”

“Thank you.”

“We’re not bleeding so much now, hmm? Looks like that dressing I’ve got on has sorted things for the time being.” Fao said, reaching into the drawers for some comfy clothes for Sheila.

“I feel like a pirate.”

Fao couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah?”

She nodded solemnly. “Yeah.”

“It’s not for long.” He placed the clothes next to her. “Are you sure I can’t help you?”

“I’m sure.”

“Can I stay in the room and turn my back. Just in case you need anything?”

“No.” She’d made her mind up, and was stubborn as anything.

Fao glanced at Finn somewhat desperately. He really didn’t want to leave her alone.

“Mum, you do the same for me. Please?”

“No.” She stood her ground. “Just let me change.”

“Come on, mum. Please?”

“Why do you hate me?”

“We don’t hate you.”

“Youdo.” She sighed dramatically.

“We just want to look after you.”

“Let me get changed then!” She sniffed, wiping the tears running down her cheeks.

Fao reached out to wipe her tears away. “Hey, hey. Come on, let’s not have tears.” He said softly. “It’s alright.”

She turned away. She didn’t want his pity.

“Come on, Mumaí.”

It had been forever since he’d called her that. She lowered her gaze with a soft sigh, the fight completely gone. “Okay.”

He pressed a kiss to her hair, where it wasn’t matted with drying blood. “I’ve got you.”

With Sheila no longer actively fighting Fao, things moved a lot smoother. Clothes were changed and she was gently helped downstairs, Finn and Fao on either side.

She was only growing more dizzy, something she wasn’t sure was just the alcohol. Despite Fao telling her off, she kept pressing her fingers to her bandage, but it hurt. Eventually, she listened, leaning heavily into Fao with a quiet sigh. This wasn’t how she’d expected the evening to go.

It was a little wait, but the ambulance arrived within the hour. As Finn disappeared to open the door, Sheila absentmindedly pressed her fingers against the bandages, frowning as she pulled her hand away again. Her fingers were wet with fresh blood, bleeding through the bandage Fao had wrapped around her. She turned worriedly to Fao, her palm stretched out.

“Fao?”

Fao turned to her with a frown, then noticed the blood on her fingers. “Oh, we’re bleeding through? Head wounds like to bleed a lot, hmm? It’s okay, the ambulance is here now. They’ll help us get it sorted.”

“But it’s bleeding again.”

“We’ll put something on top, don’t worry.”

The ambulance crew stepped into the room, somewhat amused by the fact Finn was up and opening the door for them. After a little light teasing, they got another dressing over the stubbornly bleeding wound, and then they headed into hospital.

No. 20 - LOST & FOUND

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part 1//part 2//part 3

Fao knew he’d fucked up. That much was infinitely obvious. He wished he’d not punched the kid, he knew you couldn’t go around just punching people. He wasn’t an idiot. But Harrison had been obviously drunk, refused to tell him what was going on, and then made to get into the house. Sure, he overreacted, but did he really deserve to be punished? He was an adult. Things were over with now, it would make more sense to just move on and get on with life.

But no. Whilst Fred and Sheila knew domestic chores were off limits as a punishments, he was expected to stay home for the week and look after Finn. He usually didn’t mind helping to look after his brother - he was sweet, always made Fao laugh, and was the little brother he’d always wanted - but getting him up and ready for school when he didn’t want to go was exhausting. Not to mention full on Uni days. It would be easier if he was in his flat, but apparently he wasn’t trusted on his own. He appreciated that Fred and Sheila looked out for him, but it was frustrating.

When he wasn’t looking after Finn or in lectures, Fao kept himself to himself. He made the excuse that he had work to do, but in truth he didn’t want to bump into Harrison, didn’t want to deal with Sheila’s somewhat pitying, somewhat irritated glances.

Sheila knew better than to push it with Fao, especially when he decided to confine himself to his room, but she couldn’t help worry about him. Finn was never easy, and telling him to be good? Almost a guarantee to do the opposite.

Harrison needed a place to crash, and after promising he’d be good, do better, the Daniels let him stay. It wasn’t the first time he’d had respite there, but it was a bit more urgent than normal. The authorities were notified, and days went on. Harrison was careful around the house, trying to only walk around with Sheila or Fred nearby. He was skittish at the best of times, but Fao had entirely pushed that over the top. And he was going through another withdrawal, which made everything so much worse.

Fao had been at uni for what felt like forever, stuck in a stuffy lecture hall trying to take in so much information it made his brain hurt. He was looking for a change of pace at rugby practice, before he realised Sheila had told him to come straight home - no practice. So he drove home in a mood, slammed the door on the way in, stormed into his room and stayed there, refusing to acknowledge any of them.

Fred let him cool off for a little while before he tried to speak to him. He knocked gently on the door. “Fao?”

Fao looked up from his notes. “What?”

“Good afternoon to you, too. I came to see how you were.”

“I’m fine. Got loads to do.”

“Looks like it.” Fred moved to stand inside. “You slammed the door pretty hard.”

He shrugged. “Wind caught it.”

“A lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

“It’s fine. I’m just busy.”

“So you’re staying in your room again?”

“Yeah. I’ve got work to do.”

“So that’s why you’ve been stuck in here for the past week?”

“I’ve got exams and stuff. And then placement coming up, I have to revise.”

“And this has nothing to do with Harrison? ”

“Like I give a shit about him.”

“He’s still in your space.”

“And? I’m stuck here anyway. Doesn’t matter where I spend my time. Can’t see my friends, or go to rugby. Might as well just study, I’ve got enough on over the next couple of weeks.”

“Alright, alright. Don’t shoot the messenger.”

“You asked.”

“I came to see if you were okay.”

“I’m fine. Would be better if you let me go back to my flat.”

“And how would you get Finn up in the morning?”

“He doesn’t fucking get up anyway.”

“Language. You know what he’s like.”

“Whatever.”

“Fao, we’re on your side.”

“I’m really not interested in having this conversation right now, Fred.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m tired and I’ve got a headache and I just want some peace and quiet and some space to myself!” He exclaimed, frustrated.

Fred sighed. “Alright.” He turned and left, shutting Fao’s door. He didn’t have the energy.

Fao was glad to be left alone, quiet settling over the room. He returned to his books, trying to concentrate on his work. He liked his space, he liked the quiet. Especially now, when the house felt wrong. It was better when he was alone. It always had been.

No. 18 - THE DOCTOR IS IN

“Now smile for the camera” | doctor’s visit | CPR

It’s only taken us two years to post it…

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“Finn! Don’t run down the stairs, you know what happened last time!”

He was almost at the bottom when Apollo appeared from nowhere, startling him. His foot slipped on the step, sending him tumbling forwards, the book in his hand getting thrown across the room.

There was a shout and a sickening thud as well as a yowl from Apollo, and Fao was on his feet in seconds. He rushed into the hall to find Finn on the floor, a book strewn across the hall.

“Fuck. Finn? Finn, are you okay?” He knelt beside his little brother, ignoring his heart pounding in his chest.

It was every nightmare ever, Finn’s body broken at the bottom of the stairs. Ever since he’d broken him arm during Fao’s exams, the what if had haunted him. The thud, and the blood, Finn small and lifeless. Now it was real, and he felt sick. Any minute he’d wake up, any minute…

Finn forced his eyes open, the room spinning from the pain. Fao was there though, so he knew things were going to be fine. He tried telling Fao it hurts, that he stood on Apollo, but he can’t quite figure out how to.

Not a dream, then. Fao had to force himself to breathe - this was real, and he had to focus to help his little brother.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here, yeah, it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be fine. Does it hurt?”

He managed to nod, tears starting to fall as he whimpered.

“It’s alright, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” It was partially for Fao’s benefit, as well as Finn’s. “Sheila! Fred!” He called, not entirely sure where either of his adoptive parents are.

“Hurts,Fao.” Finn told him as he slipped unconscious. “Hurts.”

Fao brushed some hair from Finn’s face. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you.” Fao said, ignoring the rising panic as Finn’s eyes rolled. “Finn? Can you hear me?”

“Boys? What’s going on?” Fred called, finally rounding the corner. “Fuck. Finn? What happened, Fao?”

“H-he fell down the stairs, I think. Go get my phone, it’s on the sofa.” Fao muttered, focusing on finding a pulse. He had to be a doctor now, not a brother.

Fred nodded, standing to go get it. He returned moments later, already dialing for an ambulance.

“Is - is he still breathing? Did he say anything? Fuck.”

“Right now he’s still breathing. Put it on speaker?” Fao said, teeth worrying his bottom lip.

Fred did as he was told, shouting through for Sheila again.

“I think he hit his head.”

“Is he cold? Does he need something - fuck - I don’t know what I’m doing.” Fred panicked, carefully taking Finn’s hand in his.

“He needs an ambulance. I can’t do a lot for him.” Fao mumbled. “Especially not at home.” Finn’s pulse was weak and his breaths were slow but they were both still there. He was alive.

As the operator asked their questions, Fred answered, getting to the medical ones before looking helplessly at Fao.

Fao answered the best he could, trying to stay professional. Finn needed him as a doctor, not a brother. There’d be time for emotion later. He was halfway through answering a question when he lost Finn’s pulse and his breathing stopped. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don’t do this Finn, please.”

He’d started CPR before the operator even explained it. He counted aloud, focusing on the compressions and the rhythm and not that it was his little brother.

One, two, three, four.

Fred can’t breathe himself, taking hold of Finn’s head and doing as Fao tells him. He can’t look at Finn, can’t bring himself to believe that it’s his son on the floor in front of him.

Fao’s voice broke as he counted but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop, even when he felt Finn’s ribs break under his hand. He had to keep going, had to try and get Finn back. He couldn’t lose him.

At some point, Sheila arrived, dropping to her knees with a strangled cry. She somehow remembered to tell Fao how good a job he was doing before breaking off into sobs.

His hair, in desperate need of a cut, fell in his face as he kept going, but he didn’t stop to adjust it. He paused for a minute, trying to find a pulse.

For a split second, he found one, and his heart virtually skipped a beat. But just as quickly as he found it, it was gone. Nausea rose and he started again, praying the ambulance got there soon. He was tired, and the wine and adrenaline only served to make his head spin.

They were lucky, and the ambulance arrived within the minute, another crew quickly following them in.

“You’re doing great, can you tell me what’s going on?” The first paramedic asked, their name already forgotten in the panic.

Someone else moved Fred out of the way, connecting wires and leads on Finn’s bare chest.

Fao looked up at the paramedic, eyes wide. “I-I think he fell down the stairs, hit his head. W-when I got to him he was saying it hurt, but seemed to be struggling, then he went unconscious. His breathing stopped and his pulse went so I-I started CPR. I got a pulse back for a second before it went again.”

“Okay, you did the right thing. We’re gonna ask you to stop in a moment, just so we can check what’s going on, okay? We’re not stopping the treatment, don’t worry.” He sat back, nodding to his colleague. “Let’s do a rhythm check, can you stop?”

Fao nodded - he knew they had to stop to see where things were. He took a deep breath, and stopped compressions, rocking back onto his heels.

The monitor beeped at them, and for a moment there was a pulse. Finn wasn’t trying to breathe, no effort coming from him, and within a few seconds, his pulse slowed and then stopped.

“Right. We’re intubating, I’m gonna sort the drugs. One of our team is gonna start CPR, and we’re going to do our best.” They gently moved Fao out of the way, starting again. “We’ve called for the air ambulance to come, and they won’t be long. We’ve got an ETA of just under two minutes.”