#humans are terrifying
Humans and poison instinct
You’ve probably seen the various Humans Are Space Orcs posts that point out how many things (plants especially) that are toxic or straight up poison to most other species. In small amounts, those poisons are delicious to us! Yay! Too much will still make you sick though.
But you know what’s really bonkers? How we just KNOW what things are salad and which are the “just a little bit” plants, of the things we’ve always identified. Meaning, yeah you’ll sit down to a spiniach salad no problem every day, but when presented with a big bowl of fresh rosemary would you just tuck in? You would not. Same if the bowl was just peppercorns, or coffee cherries, or chocolate beans.
Alien: Yikes, that plant is reading as toxic.
Human: Nah, it’s fine. A little chili pepper is great! (Eats a small amount)
Alien: Good to know!
(later at the alien dinner party, Human is presented with a plate of just chili peppers)
Human: Ah–
Humans are space orcs - Urges
Is it just me or do random urges to do things come out of nowhere?
Like, wanting to glomp a nearby friend or singing a random tune?
I mean, just today, I got a hold of a hockey stick and I had the strongest urge to whack some in the head with it and see how far I could yeet them.
Though aliens could just put these urges down in behavioural adaptations, it still wouldn’t make too much sense as behavioural adaptations are usually developed to help the specices survive and jumping out a window certainly would be more detrimental than beneficial.
—
Human - I really want to eat the dirt.
Alien - Human, the soil of this planet is highly toxic for your specices-
Human - But it looks like sherbet!
Alien - No, we must depart now. *Grabs human by the space suit*
Human - *glares at ground* Stupid forbidden sherbet.
—
Human - Who wants to dare me to throw my bag off a balcony?
Alien - Why would you ask someone to throw your supply carrier? It not only contains important materials and equipment but it could severely injure a person.
Human - Cause I want an excuse to do it.
Alien - Why?!
Human - Cause I feel like it.
—
Human - *Hugs other human*
Alien - Human, why did you engage in the ritual you call ‘Hugging’ so spontanously?
Human - I don’t know. Just felt like it.
—
Human - I want to just collaspe down the stairs.
Aliens - ??? Human that would cause more harm than benefit.
Human - But it’ll be just like, splat.
Alien - Please human, reconsider your actions.
A Scifi and Fantasy Idea
Far in the future, to avoid Entropy and Heat-Death, Humanity has uploaded themselves onto the fabric of space-time itself; “beneath” the quantum field. Effectively gods, so ancient that many of them have lived more in millenia than the universe in modern times have existed in seconds, creating matter and energy through manipulating the quantum layer.
There is only one question left that science has been unable to answer: What will the next universe be like? It has already been confirmed that they will survive a big bang going off, and will survive no matter what alternate physics will be in play, but how it will turn out is completely unable to be predicted.
After aeons of waiting, when the universe has been dead many millions of times longer than it was ever alive in the first place the time finally comes, and a new Big Bang occurs. Humanity collectively watch in anticipation, and then:
They get a front-row seat to an Overgod creating a High-Fantasy D&D-esque cosmology multiverse, complete with Gods, Magic, Elemental, Astral Planes and Far Realms. And they have no idea how any of it works. But Humanity knows one thing. THEY WANT TO KNOW ALL THE THINGS!
How does a ludicrously advanced sci-fi human civilization of might-as-well-be Space!gods and a D&D-like High Fantasy cosmology react to each other?
All these humans are weird posts make humans sound more magical and stronger than we really are (well, in comparison to each other)
Two words.
Aliens. Rollercoasters.
The brain is just 8 lbs of meat that sits in complete darkness and plays a video game of what it thinks is the most realistic thing ever.
it’s 3lbs, not 8. also it’s not really meat, it’s mostly fat with some water and salt. You have a wad of soggy bacon inside your skull. And this blob of gross unprocessed jello somehow manages to run a complex biomechanical suit using less electricity than it takes to work a lightbulb.
And people wonder why humans are so fucking weird and have odd experiences that aren’t actually real. I mean, if a bowl of tapioca pudding managed to hallucinate so vividly it invented calculus, it also going “dude, i heard a weird noise and i’m 100% sure it was the ghost of the neighbor’s cat which hasn’t actually died yet” would be just as expected as anything else.Omfg dying
Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like:
“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?”
“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.”
“…Noted.”
“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.”
“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”
“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”
“Yeah.”
“Does such a process not hurt?”
“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.”
“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?”
“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?”
“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.”
