A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
I LOVE THIS
Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.
Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.
Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.
“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”
Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”
…perfect
I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect
so, i’ve done it. here’s a ranked list of men in mass effect judged by their sexyman potential from yours truly.
if you somehow are blissfully unaware of what a tumblr sexyman is, hereandhere are some links that explain it. it’s a very cursed concept that has become a topic of discussion among self-proclaimed internet experts and a sociological phenomenon among tumblr users. and as a questionable lover letter to the mass effect fandom, here’s my mass effect sexyman ranking.
if your fav is here, please don’t take this personally. also, not every single male character from the series will be listed, just the ones with the most sexyman potential. original trilogy only because i have yet to finish andromeda.
these have been chosed based on 1) sexyman traits listed here and 2) fandom reception towards them.
cant stop laughing at this behind the scenes tiktok showing how they made the light reflect “ocean waves” on the boat
[video description: a tiktok video from behind the scenes of Our Flag Means Death. a comment overlaid on the video reads “*me watching the background* they were f a k e ?” and then the bottom emoji. the video is taken from on a boat on set, slowly zooming in on a silver sheet reflector, which has a toy.. uh.. turtle? moving mechanically, making the reflector shift and thus creating the effect of light bouncing off of moving water. Britney’s ‘Work Bitch’ plays in the background. end description.]
ok. I have been silent but it is time. let’s talk about the magnitude of the double crossing, double agents and straight up fuckery that’s going on here.
a team of bounty hunters have been order by dooku to abduct chancellor sheev palpatine.
dooku has been ordered by darth sidious to carry out this plan.
dooku has tasked a team of bounty hunters with the job of completing the abduction.
obi-wan has been sent undercover as a bounty hunter to assist in the abduction.
only the jedi council and sheev palpatine know the bounty hunter rako hardeen is actually obi-wan.
obi-wan will act to prevent the abduction from the inside.
the abduction of sheev palpatine.
which was order by sheev palpatine.
because darth sidious is sheev plapatine.
sheev palpatine knows all of this is taking place.
sheev palpatine arranged his own abuduction.
sheev palpatine then placed a double agent to prevent his abduction.
the abduction he ordered in the first place.
sheevception.
((This just got me thinking, was there ever any point to this? Was it all a complicated plan to make Anakin more pissed with the Jedi and drive a wedge between him and Obi-Wan? Was it to see if Anakin was ready to replace Dooku? Or was Palpatine just bored one week, so he called Dooku and said “what if we hired a bunch of bounty hunters to kidnap me just to fuck with the republic?”))
“Dooku, it’s been three weeks since I last planned my own kidnapping to fuck with the Jedi, please arrange a tournament to hire The Best bounty hunters to do so, thanks.” ~ Sheev
“I nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”
Event date and time: In canon, all of Wednesday, April 23rd. However, new interactions may be posted anywhere from 6PM ESTonApril 23rdthrough April 30th.
Where it will take place: Everywhere, centered around a Lombardi front pharmacy (Macalester’s)
Participation: This event is best done through paras, self-paras, and gif chats. Please note that this event is a fast-paced emergency situation, so modified gif chat/para hybrids may be a good idea–that way you can keep them short like a gif chat while also including action.
Please note that this is not an exclusively mob event! The smoke from the fire and explosions will be able to be seen from quite a distance, so it should attract the attention of a large percent of the city’s populace. Whether your character is trapped in the fray or curious and on the sidelines, there’s something in it for everyone!
