#incorrect bungou stray dogs quotes
Chuuya: You look dead
Dazai: What do you mean I look gay?
Chuuya: Wha- I said dead-
Dazai: Dead, gay, same thing. I’m both
Dazai: I love you
Chuuya: That’s gay
Dazai: We’ve been dating-
Atsushi: You know I love flying
Akugatawa:W-what?
Atsushi: Flying into your arms
-
Dazai: You know I love flying
Chuuya: The fuck makes you think you can fly?
Albatross:Chuuya, what would you rather be: a lion or a panda?
Chuuya:I’mme. Why would Iwant to be anything else?
Lippmann:I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.
[In a bar, someone tells Chuuya to quiet down]
Chuuya:You listen to me, you bitch.
Dazai:Get him, banshee.
Chuuya:I will speak at whatever volume I choose, and if you don’t like it, you can suck my BIG FAT DICK!
Dazai, about Chuuya: I told my partner he looks like an angel and now he’s twisting the fabric of reality by his own holy presence and sheer cosmic power. Please help.
Dazai:There’s also way more eyes than I am comfortable with.
Chuuya:I made the right choice, not having a family. I should’ve had a dog though.
Akutagawa:Well, you could’ve had dogs.
Chuuya:No, not with Dazai. He never saw anything he loved that he didn’t want to kick it just to see if it would still come back.
Albatross, texting: i’m leaving rn
Chuuya, texting back: Kys
Albatross:what????
Chuuya:Keep yourself safe
Chuuya:Are you just gonna stand there? Do something!
Dazai:What the hell do you want me to do?
Chuuya:I want you to have some balls and act like you care about me!
Dazai: Slug, you need to stop being such a bitch!
Chuuya:Call me a bitch again. Do it. Call me a bitch again.
Dazai:… You are… acting… like a… bad partner.
Chuuya:That’s what I thought.
15!Chuuya:The bonus about being on a team with me is that people can’t read me, because I can’t read myself. I’m a loose canon.
15!Dazai:You’re illiterate!
Chuuya: You did stop loving me, to leave without saying anything.
Dazai:Don’t all partnerships have challenges?
Chuuya:It’s not love what you did.
Dazai:No, it’s cowardice. You know, I never knew the difference between cowardice and courage until you.
Chuuya: Are you trying to flatter me?
Dazai:Don’t kill me.
Chuuya:You were this close to having it all. I don’t think you’ll respect me if I don’t kill you. You won’t love me if I don’t kill you.
Dazai:Can I beg to differ?
Chuuya:No.
Dazai: I don’t want to kill you.
Chuuya:You already did. It’s my turn.
Chuuya: Hypothetically. A man who has loathed you, tried to kill you, has hurt you and seen you imprisoned… walks into a room… and tells you he loves you. What do you do?
Dazai: First… try and start breathing again.
Chuuya: And then?
[they rush at each other and kiss]
Chuuya: Sometimes I think you’re the only person who really knows me. You look at me and I can tell you sense all of me.
Dazai: Your greatness, your strangeness, your fucked-upedness, your lies.
Chuuya: My lies?
Dazai: You do love me.
Chuuya: I intended to be all calm and high-handedly bitchy with you, Mackerel. But I am, unfortunately, not that person.
[Chuuya punches Dazai hard in the stomach]
Kunikida, texting Dazai: Are you alive or are u the body they found on trail by Slum Cerk an Sunbury Rd
Beast!Dazai:My dear, I woke up one morning and found myself boss of the Port Mafia. God knows, there were other things I loved in life more than power.
Beast!Chuuya:Then you should have said no.
Ranpo:Maybe Mr Fancy Hat’s dead.
Dazai:No way that’s true. As Chuuya says when he sees deodorant, “I’m not buying it.”
Kunikida:Dazai, he might actually be dead.
Dazai: Oh, Kunikida. Zombies can’t die. This is some sort of scam. If he were dead, we would be hearing the sounds of children singing in the streets.
Atsushi:Why would a mafia executive fake his own death?
Dazai:The same reason he visits Mexico once a year and sucks the blood from all the goats. For kicks.
Kunikida:You must be Nakahara Chuuya. I’ve heard a lot about you.
Chuuya: Oh. All bad, I hope.
Kunikida:Yes.
Dazai: And all true!
Dazai: How best to describe Chuuya? I would say he’s blessedly unburdened with the complications of a university education, but give him an ax and he’s second to none. Though you wouldn’t want him as your barrister. Don’t let him fucking see this.
Chuuya: If Dazai and I were to ever have had a child, I’d like to imagine it would look like him (points to taxidermy baby armadillo). Small and hard.
Ranpo: How do you think the car takes a screenshot?
Dazai: Maybe by pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time?
Kunikida: For the last time, GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY CAR!
Chuuya: Are you having another depressive episode?
Dazai: A depressive episode?
Dazai: I’m having a depressive series and we’re just on season one.
Chuuya: I love you.
Dazai, not paying attention: What was that?
Chuuya: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-
