#incorrect silmarillion quotes
Whenever someone asks Elrond about his parentage, Mamma Mia just starts playing faintly in the background
Celegorm: if Caranthir had a twin, he would’ve eaten him in the womb.
Feanor: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!
In Nargothrond
Orodreth:Wankers.
Celegorm: Come again?
Curufin: You insult me.
Finrod: He was making a factual statement.
Turgon: What a day, I’m exhausted.
Penlodh: Your Majesty, you just woke up.
Turgon:Exactly.
The Silmarillion for Dummies
• Melkor was right
• Fëanor did nothing wrong
• Hot Sauron rights
• Fuck Manwë
• Don’t eat trees
Celegorm: Tulkas’ balls!
Celegorm: Eru’s ass!
Celegorm: Varda’s tits! Urgh!
Curufin: Interesting display of divine genitals.
“There is nothing violence would resolve, so I suggest we put you to sleep. Gently, but permanently.”
— Lúthien to Morgoth.
Nerdanel: What are these?!
Fëanor: Dwarf costumes.
Nerdanel: Why? Have you lost your mind?!
Fëanor: How many dwarves in Snow-White?
Nerdanel:Seven.
Fëanor: How many sons do we have?
Nerdanel:…seven.
Fëanor: Et voilà.
Why Fëanorions threw a tantrum when they were young:
Maedhros: Nerdanel didn’t let him throw a small Varda sculpture at Fëanor.
Maglor: Cried because he didn’t want to wear clothes, but then cried because he was cold.
Celegorm: Saw a dog from the window and was afraid of it.
Caranthir: Was still hungry after eating his meal, and somehow it was Finwë’s fault.
Curufin: Maglor refused to let him bite his lute.
Amrod: Hated yellow and was mad Celegorm wore a yellow shirt.
Amras: Maedhros could go to bed late, but not him.
Arwen: I have too many brothers.
Maglor: How many do you have?
Arwen:2.
Maglor:Interesting…
Annatar: Let’s make rings.
Celebrimbor, suspicious:Why?
Annatar: Come on, it’s not dangerous.
Celebrimbor: No, but-
Annatar: Have you ever seen a ring kill someone?
Celebrimbor: No, I-
Annatar: We’re making rings.
—Sauron, Second Age
Who’s the Tolkien character you’re the most afraid of?
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. Ungoliant comes close second.
Maedhros is the long lost Elf of the Weasley family.
A missing hand rather than missing hair.
Curufin: Where’s dad? I need help at the forge.
Nerdanel: Ask your grandfather, your father is grounded.
Curufin:Why?
Nerdanel: I found your father passed out on his office desk at the forge. He claims he forgot to feed himself for three days.
Nerdanel: No forge for him for a month.
Narvi: Between you and Annatar, is there something?
Celebrimbor: No, why?
Narvi: People have been… speaking.
Celebrimbor: What are they saying..?
Narvi: They nicknamed you Celebrimboink
*after the incident with Luthien*
Maedhros: I am at a loss for words!
Celegorm, narrating: Despite being at a loss for words Nelyo yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.
Caranthir:Cuteness has no effect on me.
Celegorm: You’re giving Huan belly scratches and telling him what a good boy he is.
Caranthir, continuing to do this:Again-
I often feel like Fëanor has his priorities sorted out-
Maedhros: I’m dating Fingon.
Fëanor:Ok.
Maedhros:…
Maedhros:I ate the last piece of chocolate.
Fëanor: YOU DID WHAT??!
Caranthir: Why are Maglor and Maedhros sitting back to back?
Amras: They had a fight
Caranthir: Why are they holding hands?
Amras: Maglor gets sad when they fight.
