#incorrect lord of the rings quotes
Whenever someone asks Elrond about his parentage, Mamma Mia just starts playing faintly in the background
*Merry and Pippin sitting in jail together*
Merry:So who should we call?
Pippin:I’d call Gandalf, but I feel safer in jail
Aragorn:Legolas, keep an eye on Gimli today. They’re going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Legolas:Sure, I’d love to see Gimli get punched.
Aragorn:Try again.
Legolas, sighing: I will stop Gimli from getting punched.
Legolas:I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.
Aragorn:You people already know too much about me.
Gimli:I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.
Aragorn: Uh. What are those?
Legolas: The Necromancers specially trained
hunters, bred and twisted beyond recognition to even Eru himself.
Aragorn: Can you fight them?
Legolas: Maybe, but not with you here. The danger would be too great.
Aragorn, already turning away: Then I guess we run!
Legolas:Run?
Aragorn, shouting because he’s already 17 feet away: Mortals do it all the time!
Gandalf: He’s still angry with me?
Gandalf: Well then I’ll just sneak off to Valinor without seeing him, a few centuries ought to dampen even his anger.
*Meanwhile, elsewhere in Middle Earth*
Thranduil:
Galion: What happened to Celeborn being your favorite cousin?
Thranduil: You know, I’m fairly certain that he’s the only cousin who made it out of the Second Age.
Aragorn: you know, you don’t have to narrate my every movement
Legolas: his mouth would move but I would not listen
Sam: It sure is dark in here…
Frodo:
Sam: I’m not scared or anything, though.
Frodo:
Sam: I mean come on, who’s scared of the dark these days? I’m not a baby, no sir.
Frodo:
Sam: It’s okay to be scared- but I’m not. Just, if you are…
Frodo:
Frodo: Do you want me to hold your hand?
Sam: Yₑₛ ₚₗₑₐₛₑ
Pippin and Merry: MCDONALD’S MCDONALD’S MCDONALD’S MCDONALD’S!
Gandalf: We have food at home.
-
Pippin and Merry: MCDONALD’S MCDONALD’S MCDONALD’S MCDONALD’S!
Aragorn: *pulls into the drive through*
Aragorn:
Aragorn: One black coffee.
Thorin: Some people hate the Elves. I don’t; they’re just wankers!
Legolas: Gimili, is that perfume or whiskey?
Gimli: *chugs the entire bottle*
Gimli: It’s perfume.
Smeagol: Hello, Sam.
Sam: Last time we saw you, you were trying to kill us. What are you up to these days?
Smeagol: It varies from moment to moment
Frodo: Pippin! Pippin! Hey!
Pippin:Hi!
Frodo: I just came out to see what you were doing and maybe stop you!
Boromir: Aragorn, I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in the room.
Aragorn: Okay, I guess.
Aragorn:Eowyn
Eowyn:Y-yes?
Aragorn: Move. I need to get to Arwen.
Aragon: *loses pippin in crowd*
Aragon, loudly: oh no, looks like we have no second breakfast
Pippin, from somewhere in the crowd: no second breakfast? What do you mean no second breakfast?
Aragon: Found him
Y/N, gossiping with fellow elves: “I swear, it’s like he has a crush on one of the dwarves! Thranduil is so obsessed!”
Thranduil, in the distance: “I heard that, Y/N!”
Y/N: “Whattttt?! Pffft, you heard nothing but my utmost respect for you, my dear king!”
Y/N: *staring blankly at thranduil* How much longer will you be sitting there?
Thranduil: Y/N, I have only been on my throne for the past three hours!
Y/N: *exasperated sigh*
