❧A/N: folks, when your friend is upset at you, you should probably give them some space and let them heal on their own time </33 that’s your lesson of the day with Jan!
CONTENTS: profanity, alcohol, mild violence, one (1) embarrassingly lame joke
NOTES: everyone shut up i just love writing cliché, dramatic kdrama bullshit ok… please don’t yell at me if it’s not what you expected</3 also happy belated birthday to my wonderful anon :’) i hope you like this chapter dear, and thanks for always being so kind to me (and for sticking around since the very beginning!!) ♡
also fun fact (actually rly rly sad fact) — i ended up taking out the extra scene that i meant to write LMFAO. feeling rly eh about this but we’re rollin widdit it’s fine
Your photo remains plastered across Iwaizumi’s phone screen as his head spins, a multitude of emotions surging through him. A mixture of panic and anger swells in his chest while he considers his options, though limited.
The natural response would be to call or text the number back, but it’s been blocked, so Iwaizumi can only be on the receiving end.
Shit.
This is a blatant threat, the hostility of the message thinly veiled with “polite words” practically dripping through the device.
But what he can’t figure out is why.
Iwaizumi’s phone vibrates once more in his hand, the notification banner at the top of his screen indicating that he has a new message. He clenches his jaw and, seeing that it’s from the same sender, exits the picture of you to read it.
[00:00] Unknown: You wouldn’t want anything to happen to your pretty girlfriend, would you? (Attachment: 1 Image)
Iwaizumi’s grip tightens, his knuckles paling in the cold, evening air. To his dread, though as expected, it’s another picture of you.
you sit outside of his apartment waiting for him to open the door, the breeze outside was a pleasant surprise. you soon hear the lock click and the door open, being greeted with iwaizumi behind it. “hey iwa! how’s it going?” you smile as he motions you in with his hands. “it’s going well, sorry i didn’t get some of it clean, oikawa likes to come mess up my place from time to time.” he scratches the back of his head while you laugh at his statement. “that’s perfectly fine iwa.” he takes in your outfit with his eyes and a tint of red paints his cheeks. he walks over to the couch inviting you to come join him, “you can sit wherever you’d like, i don’t mind,” accompanied with a smile. you decide to sit in the middle of the couch while he plops down next to you, still at a comfortable distance.
“what kind of movie do you want to watch?” he focuses on the tv biting his bottom lip in concentration. your eyes light up at the question and you respond, “ooou can we watch a horror movie?” he slowly turns his head and shakes it from one side to the other, “i hate horror movies.” you continue to look him in the eyes puffing out your bottom lip. “i-i uh well,, i guess i can’t say no can i?” he closes his eyes as you respond to him, “nope, not at all.” after convincing him to watch a horror movie he finally picks one that he doesn’t think will be too scary. (yeah it’s a scary scary movie)
as the movie goes on iwaizumi seems to inch closer to you until your arms and legs are touching, you can visibly see him jump every time the music gets ominous. you smile knowing that this next jump scare is the worst one in the movie. it soon arrived and iwaizumi yelps as he hides his face in the crook of your neck, his arms wrapping tightly around your body. “aww iwaaa, are you that scared?” you feel him starting to pout on your shoulder so you pull his face away from your shoulder. he looks away trying to hide the deep blush creeping up on his face. “here, lift up.” he pulls his back from the couch and you start rubbing circles on his shoulders. “t-thank you.” the blush on his face gets worse than before.
soon enough the movies over and iwaizumi is asleep on your lap, slight snores escaping his lips. you look at his peaceful face and start running your fingers through his hair. you grab your phone and text the group chat that he’s one not a serial killer and two you’re safe and he’s asleep. after you text the group chat you decide to watch another movie. towards the end of the second movie he starts moving around. “hey, i’m sorry did i fall asleep?” his just woke up voice rang through your ears. “uhh, y-yeah i just uh watched another movie.” he nods and sits up, making your lap feel cold again. “i normally don’t fall asleep on people like that,” he scratches the back of his head, “just uh people i trust.” he smiles and looks towards you, “thanks for not stealing my kidneys by the way, you a real one.”
“would you want to watch a funny movie, since you were so scared of the horror movie?” you sarcastically turn your head towards him as he tries to stifle a laugh. “i mean. i’m down.” halfway through the movie you start feeling sleepy, your eyes closing on their own, drifting off to sleep.
iwaizumi’s pov
i feel a weight on my shoulder and look over to see y/n fast asleep. i smile and pull her closer to me so that her head is more comfortable on my chest. she grumbles in her sleep and i try not to laugh at the soft snores coming from her. i decide to run my fingers through her hair soothing both me and her. i feel the same blush as earlier creeping up once again, just the picture of her in my arms is enough to make me blush. i smile and lay my head back on the cushion slowly falling asleep too.
y/n’s pov
you begin to wake up, trying to get up to check your phone but feel weighted down. noticing that your laying on iwaizumis chest and his arms are wrapped around you, small rhythmic breaths escaping his lips. you try and move out of his grasp but he keeps pulling you back and mumbling the same phrase, “please don’t leave.” (i mean how could you leave with iwaizumi being all soft) you poke his face and he wakes up with a gasp, “hey iwa, it’s just me dummy.” he looks down and starts laughing, “oh, you scared me.” now it was your turn to laugh at his stoic response. “gosh i guess we both fell asleep huh?” he turns his head to meet your gaze, messy hair, dried drool, and heavy lidded eyes. “yeah, you look like you got hit by a bus.” he laughs and lightly punches you in the arm. (which sends you flying across the room to break your back jk)
“anyways, mrs. i wake up looking cute after a nap, are you hungry? we didn’t eat dinner.” he lays his head on your shoulder continuing to play with your hair. “aww iwa, you think i’m cute? but yeah i am getting a little hungry.” he blushes once again at your remark nodding in your shoulder, once he sits up he offers his hand so you take it. he grabs his jacket, one for you, and his keys then leads you out of the door. “where are we going?” you laugh grabbing his hand tighter, interlacing your fingers. “it’s a secret.” he holds his other hand to his mouth. you guys went to mcdonald’s in the end and went to a park to eat it. he fed you fries and chicken nuggets and laughed at stories of your friends. in the end you thought it was a perfect day and thought you should do this more often, with him. “hey, iwaizumi, uh can i call you by your first name?” you look over to him. “oh, uh, yes, yeah you can, i would really like that actually.” you smile and nod, “alright hajime.”
a/n | wowowowow this one is probably my favorite one so far, like who doesn’t wanna go to mcdonald’s with iwaizumi also the whole hajime thing was really cute to me so i was like, let’s add it. anyways i hope you guys liked this one
oh to have a movies and cuddles date with iwa and fall asleep wrapped in iwa’s arms
iwaizumi hajime has hated you, his assistant athletic trainer, since he knew you in high school. you on the other hand have bothered him for fun for as long as you knew him, not realizing your romantic feelings for him had manifested in that way. what happens when you two blockheads finally come to terms with how you feel?
female body parts ! got this idea from tiktok, he calls u puppy
you mewled as you were laying on your stomach, your ass in the air, iwa’s dick in you but not moving. “iwa please” you begged, while starting to wiggle your hips around him. “you- fuck you gotta do it on your own puppy” iwaizumi said. you pouted but you needed some friction so bad so you started moving your hips on your own. ”that’s it puppy, use my cock” you started going faster but it just wasn’t enough. “iwa please want your big fat cock moving inside me”, you moaned, “please help your puppy, puppy needs you” iwa grabbed your hips and leaned over so he could whisper in your ear. “just because you begged so nicely puppy” and started moving.
ramen after school, ft iwaizumi hajime [requested by anon]
iwaizumi would never admit it, but your ramen tradition had been his idea. every tuesday after school, you and iwaizumi would head to your local ramen shop.
the tradition had started when you had been walking home together on a tuesday afternoon. iwaizumi was listening to you talk as his eyes scanned the area, thinking about how much simpler it would be to have a conversation over good food. then, he had grabbed your upper arm and pulled you to a stop, steering you towards a ramen shop that you had mentioned on occasion. the ramen, according to you, was some of the best you’d had. iwaizumi was inclined to agree with you.
he definitely agreed with you after the first bowl. maybe it had been a mixture of the company of a good friend and a delicious bowl of ramen, but the place soon became a firm favourite of iwaizumi, clearly evidenced by the tuesday afternoon visits.
“you know, it’s so funny to me that you were the one who started this tradition,” you laughed, placing your chopsticks back down on the table. “tooru always complained about how you never took him out anywhere, yet here we are.”
“did we have to mention, ‘kawa?” grumbled iwaizumi. “just speaking his name usually summons him.”
“not to here though,” you said, leaning in to whisper conspiratorially. “this is our place.”
that was true. while iwaizumi wasn’t sure about you, it had never crossed his mind to bring any of his friends here. it was so rare that he got to sit and enjoy your company that he feared the introduction of his other friends to the restaurant would somehow taint the peaceful atmosphere. maybe it was selfish, but he was glad there was somewhere that only you two shared. he loved the rest of his friends, he did, but you were the only one whose focus wasn’t on volleyball, who he could talk to about his plans for the future, his dream of studying abroad.
“am i paying this time?” you questioned, reaching into your pocket to pull out your wallet.
after the first couple of visits, where you had paid separately, you had both decided a rota would make more sense.
iwaizumi nodded, though reached for his own wallet all the same. if you were paying, he was responsible for leaving the tip, a responsibility neither of you took lightly. you loved the ramen shop far too much to risk falling out of favour with the staff.
grocery shopping, ft iwaizumi hajime [requested by anon]
it was so stupid how something as simple as shopping for food could become a part of the week that iwaizumi genuinely looked forward to.
dressed in clothes that bordered on sleepwear (baggy tops and bottoms), you would drive to your local supermarket. you were armed with a list you had spent last night compiling, with iwaizumi in charge of steering the trolley and holding all the bags (one of the many things his arms were good for - the list was extensive, ranging from lifting you off your feet during a hug or pulling himself up into the loft with no need for a ladder).
you would take the lead, guiding him through a maze of aisles which were easy to get lost in. despite the rigid straight lines and the easy to read labels, you still managed to loose track of where you were going at times, finding yourselves in the meat aisle when what you were really looking for was the milk. your brows would furrow in frustration as you grabbed a packet of mince in a huff, grumbling that it wasn’t what you were looking for but you needed it nonetheless. your reaction always caused iwaizumi to laugh, part of the reason behind your ability to get lost.
whenever a look of confusion would pass over your face and your finger would skim down the list, he would know that you had forgotten to add ingredients for (or even think of) a meal. this would lead to a shared look as you would both turn to grab the food you most wanted, a playful argument ensuing over who should choose the final meal.
“i compromised on almost every meal this week,” you would declare, to which iwaizumi would shrug.
“i have better taste,” he would tease. “i’m more cultured because of all the travelling i do.”
he would recieve a middle finger for his light teasing, the twinkle in your eyes telling him it was all in jest. usually, he would let you put what you wanted to eat in the trolley unless it was something truly strange.
there had been one time when you had grabbed pasta (which was not what he was objecting to), chocolate sauce and marshmallows. he had to put his foot down. not only was it a weird food combination, but he was a personal trainer and knew just how unhealthy that was as a dinner. the only thing you had said in response was to ‘blame tiktok’. later that same week, he had seen you curled up on the sofa eating a bowl of it.
the only thing both of you hated about your weekly food shop was packing the food away at the till. neither of you were skilled packers, often having to rely on your friends (oikawa) to help you pack for holidays. it wasn’t that you were messy or disorganised, it was simply that the both of you didn’t know how to place the food to achieve maximum bag space. despite the number of bags you would bring (and you would bring a lot), you would always end up buying one from the shop.
“nope,” you protested as iwaizumi reached up to grab one of the bags hanging from a hook. “they have to fit. they have to.”
he looked down at you, a comically grave look on his face. “it won’t, y/n. we’ll just buy another one.”
“just load me up, haji,” you declared, holding out your arms as a gesture for him to begin placing the small mountain into your hold. he simply ignored you, handing the cashier the correct money and loading up the bag. he glanced over at you, at the adorable frown tugging at your lips.
“help me pack,” he said, grinning at the huff you let out as you dropped your arms and began to shove things haphazardly into the bag. a mocking tone took over his voice. “we’re going to need another one at this rate.”
“nope,” you said while you shook your head. “you’re going to pile me up if it doesn’t fit. i am not spending another penny on any more bags during this shopping trip.”
it goes without saying that you ended up buying more bags.
“i swear we buy more food each week,” you grumbled.
“well, if you stopped inviting our friends over for dinner, we’d have enough bags…”
“makki invites himself over,” you protested, reaching into your bag for the car keys. “besides, you’re the one who always wants to 'cook for the team’ and 'build your bonds of trust’ and some other bullshit i can’t remember right now.”
“we should start charging a dinner fee,” mused iwaizumi.
Y/n knew perfectly that she could not keep her promise. That’s what she said every time Kuroo and Kenma went to visit her and she would punctually end up weeping.
Even if it was only three hours of travel, that distance was atrocious for her. She wanted to spend the days with her friends, but obviously things don’t always go the way you want.
She took her bag and came out of the room ready to greet those boys she had grown fond of in no time.
“Y/NNNN” Bokuto’s voice came loud and clear, rumbling in the school halls and in the girl’s ears. The captain of the Fukurodani was already in tears as he ran against his new friend.
To everyone’s huge surprise, Bokuto and Y/n had managed to make a strange friendship that made them look like friends for years and not a few months.
“Bokutoo don’t make it so hard for me!” The girl’s scolding seemed more like a plea. Her shiny eyes ready to weeping sweet tears of farewell.
Bokuto smiled and took the bag from her shoulder and then began to accompany her out where the others were waiting for her.
“Akaashi and Kuroo said we’ll come see you as soon as we can.”
Y/n looked at him smiling. She was touched by all the affection and care that Bokuto had towards her despite knowing each other recently.
She smiled and nodded “I’m counting on it.”
As soon as they left school they found themselves with the others, ready to say goodbye.
“My team is looking forward to playing against you again,” she added.
Y/n walked away from Bokuto and then approached his Nekoma friends. Huge mistake.
“Are you made of Copper and Tellurium?” Obviously Kuroo’s jokes could not be missing. Waiting for an answer to his, obvious, rhetorical question Y/n raised eyebrows urging him to speak.
“Because you’re CuTe”
The funniest thing? The eyebrow movement. His boldness made them even more fun, but he’ll never know.
“If only I could say goodbye to everyone but you,” she smiled as she embraced that giant nerd.
“Yes, of course. You could never.”
Kuroo gave her a wink and then left her to Kenma, who immediately hugged her.
“I’ll never get used to it, you know?” the girl asked referring to all this closeness from the boy, not that she was complaining.
“Neither did I.” Kenma smiled and went away to say goodbye to Shoyo who was as perky as usual.
“MY LITTLE LEV LOVE COME AND SEE ME SOMETIMES” cried the girl when the youngest lifted her up in the air, holding her in a hug and smashing her ribs.
“COUNT ON IT Y/N-CHAN!” He smiled and put her on the ground.
At first Y/n wanted to kick Lev for underestimating Hinata, but she immediately changed her mind when she saw him play and spoke to him for the first time. It’s a half-Russian, taller version of Hinata, two babies.
Akaashi timidly approached her and twisted her hair. A gesture he had learned to be Y/n’s favorite, if done with affection and delicacy.
The girl smiled and with the index finger of her left hand pricked a cheek making him blush.
“If Bokuto tries to hug me I swear I’ll come after you” provoked her with a little smile.
Y/n teased him at her turn, rolling her eyes and said, “So dramatic.”
“No one ever died for a hug.”
“You got close, though” Akaashi thought back to the first hug Bokuto gave Y/n as soon as she got to camp. The girl turned her nose.
“Damn, you’re right.”
With a little laugh, Akaashi once more twisted the girl’s hair before leaving her in Bokuto’s clutches.
Bokuto was waiting for her with his hands on his hips and a smirk on his face. Y/n had to admit that even just standing still, Bokuto emanated a really comfortable aura… and even a slight comic aura, but maybe it was better to keep it to herself.
“Y/N-CHAAAN! I hope you enjoyed this week!" The captain of the Furukodani shouted, stunning the girl who was stuck in a lethal embrace.
The youngest laughed and then nodded and gave a big smile, one of those she always gave to her friends when she was happy.
"I hope to be able to spend more moments like this! Thanks for everything Bokuto-chan!” she said trying to free herself from the strange embrace of the boy.
It was a rather hilarious scene seen from the outside. Bokuto squeezing to death a poor girl who couldn’t stop laughing at the situation, while Kuroo and Daichi tried to free her to get her on the bus.
Once on the bus, Y/n lowered the window to say goodbye one last time to her friends.
¦ materialist ¦
Fun facts:
Y/n is growing on Kenma, quite at the same level of Kuroo
Oikawa planned to make Iwaizumi ask Y/n out
Iwaizumi gave a punch to Oikawa when he said the word ‘date’. Such babies
Y/n goes to that place with Nishinoya when they decide to study together and Sugawara when she needs help with some subject
❣︎anon: ca-can I request Mattsun or Iwa with a girlfriend who can fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. or like when they go to visit here at her house she’s always buried under 5-10 blankets.
❥iwaizumi hajime:
☽ the type to come barging into your room after a full day of college with a huge frown on his face
☽ “why the hell weren’t you at college today?” he demands roughly. and even though he’s annoyed you’re missing your classes, he can’t help but feel his heart flutter when you rise from the heap of blankets smothering you, hair messy and a sleepy smile on your face
☽ “hm, i overslept.” you mumble groggily. “but i did my assignments, i promise.” and iwaizumi can’t help but laugh quietly when he realises you probably went straight back to sleep after finishing your work
☽ likes to snuggle in bed with you, loving when you rest your head on his chest as he goes on his phone, telling you about his day whilst you sleepily hum in acknowledgement
☽ he doesn’t really nap but he’ll cuddle you as you do and being a human heater, you end up shedding the blankets. but if he ends up leaving to go back to his own place, he’ll tuck you back in neatly with all the blankets, giving your sleeping form a kiss on the head
☽ iwaizumi’s a bit more strict when you fall asleep everywhere- if you’re in class or at the cinema, he won’t hesitate to nudge you awake, giving a sharp eye but once they’re over you can sleep for as long as you’d like
☽ absolutely adores when you fall asleep on him during car rides or on public transport, he’ll carefully position your head on his shoulder so your neck won’t ache and will enjoy feeling protective of you and trusted by you
❥matsukawa issei:
☽ i kinda headcanon him as sleepy and lazy himself so if you’re cancelling a date because you’re tired, matsukawa won’t hesitate to respond with ‘lol mood’
☽ whenever you fall asleep in class or at the library or during film night, initially matsukawa will find you adorable and coo at your sleeping form
☽ but then he’ll take it as an opportunity to have his fun- he’ll take selfies with your drooling face and record your snores to play it back to you or blow on your face to snicker at how you twitch but he’ll never wake you up out of your slumber, eventually positioning you properly so you don’t get aches
☽ he’ll definitely buy you a travel neck pillow as a heartwarming gift or fluffy blankets
☽ after a long day of class, matsukawa will always invite himself back to yours and the two of you will just get into bed, burying yourselves under the pile of blankets to have a nap
☽ mutual friends can never reach either of you because you’re both always asleep together
☽ whilst you’re both waiting for slumber to take you, matsukawa will either playfight with you, using the cushion and blankets as leverage or he’ll have soft, emotional chats with you, gazing at you so sweetly till your eyelids finally close
☽ if you fall asleep on public transport, matsukawa jokes that he won’t wake you up and will let you miss your stop but he never does
i mean, i thought it was going to be obvious. i did break the fourth wall a few chapters ago, after all.
you did notice, right?
(tsukishima did too kinda, but like—i’m better, obviously.)
why am i here, you may ask?
both she and i agreed that you guys have had your fill of cliffhangers, and she asked me to set the record straight for you guys!
with minimum spoilers, obviously.
so,rumor has it. pretty wild ride, huh?
i always knew seijoh was up to something, but damn, iwaizumi was really a douche, wasn’t he? still kinda upset we weren’t allowed to fight him, ngl.
but besides the point! kiro left you, in the finale, at another cliff hanger. ANOTHER ONE.
i scolded her but she likes to be dramatic, so there was no stopping her.
what a sadist.
—is what i WOULD say if this final cliff hanger didn’t have any meaning to it!
very up in the air for rhi readers! will you accept iwaizumi’s apology? will you two be destined to meet again and try again in timeskip? or have your paths finished crossing, and it’s finally time to move on?
ahhhh i love being dramatic.
i gotta say, honestly—that last part left me kinda emotional.
BUT I DIDN’T CRY! no. i would never.
but in that final part where he reached out and asked for forgiveness and a second chance when your paths cross again … SHEEEEEEEESH i felt that in bones. manly moment.
in the end, you were left with two final choices. after much debate and thought, kiro came up with two official endings:
thetrueending, and the secret-but-not-really-secretending.
secret ending sounds cool, but it’s really not a secret, since they’re quite literally being posted at the same time. but she had no other name for it, so secret ending will have to do.
let me break these endings down for you, without spoiling too much! i think kiro would throw me into a dumpster if i happened to spoil too much.
so, the true ending.
well, you forgive him.
yeah, that’s pretty much the extent to what i’m allowed to say.
she calls it the “true” ending because the smau is an iwaizumi x f!reader series, so she thought it would be a little awkward to end the series with you and him not ending up together.
and yes, this is the true ending. now don’t be calling y/n a loser or stupid for forgiving him, she was a girlboss all series long.
the secret ending was made because kiro understands that for many, any kind of infidelity—physical or emotional—is something they would never forgive. she herself would probably never forgive iwaizumi either, honestly.
so, if it wasn’t obvious already, the secret ending will follow an epilogue where you, in fact, do not forgive him. you kick him to the curb, and continue on with your life. this is where your and his story ends.
but yeah, that sums it up! both epilogues will start out the same, but you’ll be able to read for yourself when they start branching off to their respective endings. it’s pretty cool, i must say.
she’ll have them both posted soon!
with the endings posted, rumor has it will finally have come to an end.
oh, and she’s gonna be posting a Q&A after all is said and done, for anything that still hasn’t been answered or just in general. now that the series will be over, there’s no reason for her to remain mysterious.
isn’t she the sweetest?
please put in a good word for me and tell her i didn’t slack off in being a fourth-wall-breaker MC.
i think i’ve said all that i’ve been instructed to say, so i’ll leave you with this final thing.
it was awesome to speak with you! on behalf of kiro, thank you for sticking through rumor has it, amidst her spontaneous and intermittent scheduling! she really hopes you enjoyed the series.
and with that, concludes my job here as an MC. i did pretty good, if i do say so myself. noya, out!
oh and another thing before i wrap things up completely—expect something related to saudade soon. ;)
wait fuck i don’t think i was allowed to say that
LOL YOLO OKAY BYE
so, with that said,
what ending is right for you, y/n?
will you forgive hajime iwaizumi?
or will your future not be foreseen with him by your side?
the choice is yours.
so, choose wisely.
LOL JK, both endings will be posted so when the time comes you can just choose which ending to read whenever you want.
✧ ｡ synopsis : though hajime has reassured you time and time again that you two attending different schools would be plenty manageable in your guys’ relationship, your imagination is left to wander when he slowly begins to ghost you.
જ — a/n : i think it’s very characteristic of me to post the finale off schedule but after a long ride, we’ve reached the end… or have we?
the only reason why you wanted first say in what you two were going to be discussing was solely because you didn’t trust the determination written clear on his face. it held you a bit on edge, yet he showed no reaction to your uneasiness. maybe he was expecting this, but it was all the more reason why you needed to get what you wanted to say in first.
unfortunately, you didn’t have much in mind you wanted to say. either way, you were at a loss. “i don’t know if i’ve put into words just how confused you’ve made me since… all of this started,” you began, taking it slow for your own sake—some extra time for thoughts to process. hajime kept his mouth sealed shut, but by the looks of his shaky hands folded together in front of him on the table, he still had jittery nerves. that gave you some relief. you needed at least some control in this situation.
“i would’ve never thought of me moving schools as anything long distance. we’re literally in the same prefecture. you drove me to karasuno everyday! i could easily see you every weekend, and you know i’d always be happy to cancel other events to be with you. you’ve been the one for me for as long as i can remember. i don’t know why that changed.” once the ball started rolling, you needed to be honest with yourself, and with him. this conversation should’ve happened long ago—at least it’s better than never. you felt strangely brave in that moment, being able to open up about everything you had been thinking about. even if you hadn’t prepared everything properly, at least you had enough in you to give him a piece of your mind.
“i understand that me switching schools for our last year may have been hard on you,” you continued, keeping your eyes firmly glued to his. “i missed seeing you everyday. i was also guilty of missing being able to see your face at any given moment. but at least i knew that if i missed you, all i had to do was take out my phone and send a text, or even call. i’d be able to hear from you, just like that. i’d be able to tell you that i miss you, and we’d go out together until the evening. we could do that as many times as you needed, hajime. i wanted to be able to see you everyday. we could’ve made that happen, and you know that just as well as i do.”
“i know that now,” you heard him murmur under his breath, a deep sigh escaping his lips. “i came to that understanding too late.”
“i wouldn’t have even cared about your so-called family friend of yours.” that wasn’t completely true—you’d still make sure that nothing would happen between the two, but of course you would never restrict him from seeing people. but now that you knew just how vile someone could be, you had every right to be even more on edge. “all you had to do was talk to me, hajime. communicate. the same thing we’ve done for countless years, even before we started going out. all i wanted was for you to trust me. tell me that you’re worried, concerned about us. tell me how you’re feeling. i don’t care if you seem overly clingy or possessive or whatever bullshit excuse you want to spew. you’re not perfect. i know that, because i’m not perfect either.”
you caught yourself beginning to raise your voice. heads began to turn, causing you to pause for a moment. iwaizumi sat with shock in his features, both impressed and fearful of all you’ve said so far. whatever thoughts were running through his brain, he’d have to wait his turn to dish out everything he wanted you to know. this was your moment. you deserved this, more than anyone.
“you’re not perfect,” you repeated, “and neither am i. you always remind me that even with my imperfections, i was worthy of love. your love. but you never let me say that it goes the same way for you, too.”
“y/n…” he started off with your name, but you held up a hand to interrupt.
“but this goes beyond imperfections,” you continued, getting past your first round of thoughts. “this goes beyond mistakes, beyond little quirks that i could easily skim over. you went behind my back because of your insecurities, and regardless if you understood what you were doing or not, you began pursuing someone who wasn’t me. i don’t know if you’d consider it cheating, but you betrayed my trust. you lied to me, hajime. who knows what would’ve happened if i never ended up finding out the way i did? would i be sitting here having this conversation with you right now? maybe i’d be sitting at home, crying into my pillow that i never knew how you were feeling because you never tried reaching out to me.”
“i never realized just how much…” iwaizumi spoke up softly, his lips pressed together in between phrasing. “i didn’t know that this affected you so much. i’m really, truly sorry. i don’t know how many times i have to say it, but i’ll say and do anything to prove it.”
“that’s not the point, hajime. that’s not my point at all.” you snapped at him, causing him to stop anything else he was going to say next. “i know you’re sorry, you don’t have to spell it out for me. you proved that to me the last time we spoke like this. i’ve known you long enough to figure out when you’re honest and when you’re not.”
“then what is the—”
“my point is that your actions now reflect our outcome in the future.” after weeks of beating around the bush, this was it. this had to be it. this is what you needed to tell him. “this is small scale, hajime. nothing about this is long distance. so what would happen if we actually tried? you’re going abroad, i know you’ve had your eyes set on america. i’d never stop you, but what’s going to happen then? to us? could we really handle distance on an international scale? international. it won’t be just not seeing each other outside of school hours. we won’t be able to see each other, ever.”
“i know.” he nodded. “i’ve thought about it, a lot.”
“it’s going to take more than just thinking about it to actually do something about it,” you retorted. “i want to believe that we’d do okay, but as far as things turned out, obviously i was wrong. more than wrong.”
“do you know where we stand, then?” iwaizumi stared at you long and hard, his eyes holding no malice yet steeled, searching in yours for answers. “how do you feel about us?”
simple words, yet you paused. any rhythm you had dissipated into thin air, now that he was backing you into a corner about the one thing you were supposed to be thinking about since taking time away from reaching out to one another. any conclusion you could’ve reached was much harder than you anticipated. to drop your first love would be putting yourself first, and would certainly be the right thing to do, would it not?
would it really be that easy to never see hajime again? to drop everything you two had?
“i don’t know.” your eyes drifted to the floor below your booth, twiddling your fingers in between your lap. “i don’t know, i want to make the right decision and not regret it. but i’ll end up having regrets either way.”
"y/n, please look at me.” his voice was tender, and you listened to him. hajime looked at you with a smile, but you saw the sadness pooling within the emeralds of his eyes. “for your sake, make the right decision. you know what it is. if you can’t make that decision, i think it’s best if i make that decision for you.”
your heart dropped to your stomach. what?
“hajime,” you breathed, sitting up straighter. you felt chills run down your spine as he, too, sat up straighter—as if preparing himself. “what are you—”
“while you did some reflecting,” he began, “i, too, was doing some thinking about myself, and how i could provide in our relationship. but clearly, i haven’t been doing anything for our relationship. quite the opposite.”
you couldn’t process what he was trying to say. he had taken over the spotlight. “i didn’t know i’d react so badly to you not being with me,” he continued, watching your panicked silence, “and acted immaturely. it was a moment of weakness i could’ve easily talked to you about, but i thought that i’d be selfish by adding more to your plate by pushing my problem onto you. that was wrong of me, and i know that now. i always tell you to put your problems on me when you need someone to lean on, yet i always forget that it should be a two way street.”
“where are you… where are you going with this?”
this wasn’t what you had in mind at all. watching hajime iwaizumi understand the full weight of his actions, and forcibly trying to make things right by…
no. he’s not really going to…?
“i didn’t want to come to this decision. i knew that i would get hurt, and you as well. i really, really didn’t want to do this.” he pressed his lips together, swallowing a nervous lump in your throat. you felt your stomach arise angrily like crashing waves, feeling queasy and sick to the gut. “but after talking to someone about this, i realized that even if i made up with you—and by some miracle, have a second chance—i don’t know how i’d be able to handle being in a different country, time zone, environment.”
talking to someone. a realization popped into your head.
“suga,” you whispered. “you talked to him?”
hajime’s eyes widened slightly, before slowly nodding his head. “i did.”
“what did he say?”
“things that should’ve been common sense.” he paused momentarily. “if i asked for a second chance now, i know i’d end up blowing it in a matter of a few months. i originally wanted to ask for a second chance, but after reaching out to him and doing some more thinking, i realized that asking for a second chance now would not benefit either of us. you especially.”
the more you listened to him speak, the more you felt like crawling out of your skin. it was an out of body experience—something you wanted to run away from. “hajime, i don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
“yes you do, y/n. i know you better than that.”
“please,” you then pleaded, your eyes in a frenzy and your breath panicky. “please tell me what you’re trying to say.”
there sat your boyfriend, his eyes watery and his hands clenched tightly into fists as to not cause a scene. he was right—you saw this coming. even from miles away, you knew it was over.
“i don’t deserve a second chance,” he mumbled, any energy devoid from his body. “i don’t deserve you, not with how i’ve been acting since you’ve switched schools. i’m not ready for a long distance relationship, and i’d hurt you. since the beginning, that’s the last thing i ever want to do, but all i’ve done since this year started is hurt you, even if it was never my intention.”
the words echoed. ringing in your ears like a blow horn. whatever nightmare this was, you wanted out. but no matter how hard you could pinch yourself, you wouldn’t wake up from reality.
“this means… we’re really breaking up for good, aren’t we?”
now that you said it, it was like it had been manifested into reality. neither of you liked the sound of it—with all the time you spent together, even when you two were just friends, it was always you two against the world. the natural click you and hajime bonded over was something soulmates wished they had. the two young children who could spend hours alone and talk about every corner of the world would’ve never been able to guess a simple school change would be the end of something beautiful.
“i believe that time away from each other would be best,” he responded after a moment’s hesitation. “for both of us.”
you really didn’t know how to properly react. truthfully, you would’ve been able to react better to him begging for a second chance—not him pursuing a break up. you should’ve been on board with this.
thiswas the conclusion you were thinking of, weren’t you?
was there a part of you that would’ve overruled your better judgement and taken him back?
“i really wish it didn’t have to be this way,” you admitted, feeling your stomach churn in storms. you really didn’t—he hurt you, but he never had ill intentions. it was a series of unfortunate events that occurred one after the other. you cursed the universe for putting you in such a predicament.
“i have one more thing to say,” he added, watching as you hesitated on standing up. “and i want you to answer truthfully. please.”
what else was there to say? everything was already said and done. one more minute spent here and you’d probably break down—something you really weren’t in the mood to do.
“hajime, i don’t know what else—”
“you never let me answer your question,” he intercepted, carefully reaching a hand out to stop you from leaving. “i want to follow up on that.”
one last thing, you thought to yourself. at this point, you’d had enough. you glanced at tooru out the window, who had his back against the two of you. you envisioned yourself sprinting out the door and into his arms, wanting nothing more than to just escape. leave.
“one last thing, hajime.” the pain in your voice was clear. “then i think it’s best to go our separate ways.”
“you asked if we were breaking up for good,” he then responded. “and i only responded with that it would be best for us to spend time away from each other. for each of our sakes.”
“you did.” that was obvious enough. “i don’t know where you’re going with this.”
he reached out his hand on the table, palm facing upwards. an invitation for you to place your hand in his. your heart lurched out of your chest.
“i love you, y/n. i really do.” you looked into his eyes and felt your stomach flutter. you knew hajime, and that all-knowing look in his eyes—he meant every word. “i will work to better myself. i swear it. you may not believe me now, but i’ll live up to that promise—not just for your sake, but for myself as well.”
a dramatic confession. what a way to get the waterworks going. and as you lifted a hand to your eye, you noticed it was working.
“in the near distant future, if we happen to cross paths again one day—i want to know, truthfully—” you held your breath, and he spoke his next few words with a puffed chest.
You’ve felt the pair of eyes on you for a while now. A girl, not much younger than you, keeps glancing your way as she peruses the rows of books. You can see the shyness in her expression when she does her best to subtly move closer to you, putting on her best act at reading the titles as her fingertips run over the book spines.
“Um,” she stutters, not daring to make eye contact with you when you turn your attention to her. “Your bodyguard is really cute.”
Your body instinctively freezes, not wanting to be rude by laughing at the strange assumption, though you can’t help your eyes going a little bit wide. The girl finally lifts her blushing face to dart her eyes over your shoulder and then quickly whip her attention back to the books. Your eyes follow where she had looked, and you realize that she’s talking about Iwaizumi standing a few meters away, looking at you with crossed arms, probably annoyed that you’ve made him give you the tour of downtown LA. It’s been an hour since you entered The Last Bookstore and have shown no signs of wanting to leave anytime soon.
You choke back a giggle. Even though you’re both in your twenties, it’s hard to see him as anything other than the boy you’ve known since he was a dirt-faced little gremlin catching frogs and bugs around your neighborhood. What on earth would make anyone think that he’s your-
You look your old friend up and down as the question forms in your mind. Maybe it’s his all black outfit - though casual, it makes him look somewhat uniform. The plain black crew neck stretches tightly across his chest and shoulders in a way you’ve never noticed before, and the seams of his sleeves are barely holding it together against the flex of his biceps. His sharp green eyes bore into you under the quirk of his brows, somewhat curious as to what kind of conversation you could be having with the girl.
Perhaps it isn’t so strange of an assumption.
You quickly turn back to the girl, beaming at her with an excited a whisper, “Oh my god, you’re right! Should I tell him?”
She squeaks, furiously shaking her head before running away in embarrassment. You giggle at the reaction, finding it cute and funny that someone would see Hajime so intimidatingly attractive. Even if you are just realizing how much he’s grown up since leaving Japan, he’s still the same person you’ve known nearly your whole life.
“What did you say to scare that kid?” He asks, suddenly appearing directly by your side. You’re all too aware of his thick, strong arm brushing against yours.
“She thinks you’re my big, scary bodyguard,” you hassle him with a playful nudge.
“Wha- Bodyguard?” He laughs.
“It’s because you’ve gotten so beefy since you moved over here,” you tease, wrapping your hands around his defined arms and giving a squeeze. His skin is warm against your palms, and you can’t help yourself from continuing to squish his muscles with your fingers. He’s always been atheltic, though you had never really took much notice of his physique when you were growing up. The Irvine dining hall must be feeding him well.
“I-Idiot,” he hisses, body stiffening as his cheeks glow in agitation.
“If being a sports trainer doesn’t work out, you’d probably be a pretty good bodyguard. I always feel safe with you around,” you continue to prod with a cheeky, impish grin and lean on him a little bit more.
You hear him grunt, though it seems he might have been trying to mutter something behind his tight-lipped scowl.
“What was that, Haji?” You ask innocently, despite knowing that you’re pressing his buttons. Though perhaps it might be a little too flippant, for next thing you know, the shelves are digging into your back, and your dear old friend Hajime is close enough that you can feel the inside of his knee touching your thigh.
“I said, it’s because you’re dressed like that. Kid probably thought I was your bodyguard because you look…”
Your heart stops, suddenly aware of the outfit you put together to try and blend in with the LA-ites. His face moves closer, and his hand raises up to your head. The girl was right: he really is handsome, especially seeing him at this proximity and taking in the smell of his aftershave. You wait for the feeling of his fingertips against your cheek, but it never comes. Instead, he pulls a book from beside your ear as he maintains eye contact, not saying anything yet something strong is coming through his gaze.
He glances down at the cover of the book in his hand before tapping the top of it against your collarbone. Your mind is blank, but you grab the book without thinking about it. He lets his stare linger for another moment before wordlessly stepping back and then shuffles off around the next row. You finally take a breath when his figure leaves your sight, clutching the book as you try to form any kind of thoughts as to what this tight feeling is in your chest. You try to reason that it’s probably nothing, and decide to wave it off as something that couldn’t be read into. And you would’ve been convinced of that if you never looked down at the title of the thriller in your hands: “No Safe Place.”
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