#minoritymentalhealth

“Life hits hardest on those who it knows can handle it”.I heard this time and time again, yet it never made taking the hits any easier. I was tired, tired of everything about my life, and I couldn’t escape it. 

I’m Kristonna; this is my story. 

Almost two years ago, I planned to take my life by overdosing. 

I grew up with a rough childhood: paycheck-to-paycheck, no stable home, two abusive stepdads, and no financial stability. I would just blind myself with the hopes of better days in my future to come. 

It seemed to me as though those days never came. I planned the overdose for a night my brother, mom, and step-dad were all supposed to out of the home for different reasons. Thankfully, my mom ended up coming home that night. It, stopped me and made me think back on my life.

Everytime something would seem to be going terribly wrong, there would be a little light to guide me out of the waters I was drowning in. The church would donate food to us. We’d get an extension on a bill. My mom would come home and force me to watch a movie with her… 

I learned I needed to find the light, wait for the light, and even be the light for others. It is true that there are better days to come. There are always good things that come when you truly need it. For me, that was my mom.

I began having delusions and hearing voices and thinking I was being followed at age 16, during my junior year of high school.  Oh yes.  I was crazy.  I thought everyone was after me:  the KGB, the CIA, the FBI, the Mafia and the space aliens, not to mention some of my friends and acquaintances.  I was paranoid about my mother and attacked her.  I went from a straight A student to not being able to read a book because my mind was to distracted.  Luckily, I met Dr. DiFrancisco.  He asked me to try some medication.  The first drug I tried was Stellazine.  It was a miracle worker.  I have always done very well on the older medications.  I have been taking thiothixine, which is generic for navane since 1981.  It works the best for me with minimal side effects.  

I know I have been warned about tardive dyskinesia, but there is some price to pay.  I like to sleep, as I have all along the years.  I still need 12 hours most days.  But that has not kept me from getting married, getting a bachelors degree, and a masters degrees.  I have always worked and now draw retirement and work part time.  However, I do not have children, which is fine by me.  I enjoy my nieces and nephews.  I enjoy my high school and young adult students studying for their GED/HSE.  Recently, my psychiatrist, actually a PA who has much knowledge, but is not a specialist in my area, asked me to try Latuda.  The only reason I considered it was the pharmacies locally were not supplying either thiothixine or navane.  I was beside myself.  The six months of going down hill and frightening my family after all these years was not good.  Thanks to God or whoever heard my cry to keep the thiothixine in stock at the local CVS was renewed.  My subscription is no trouble to refill at this time.  However,  I am pretty much beyond most stigmas for schizophrenia.  I just hate to let anyone at work know.  There is definitely a feeling of incompetency that co-workers will put on me, even though I am doing the same thing, they just want to believe I am exhibiting symptoms.

Anyway.  I feel it is time for me to be much more proactive on behalf of the mentally ill like myself.  I am especially desperate to make sure they never take away my medication that works so well for me.  I would like to contribute to NAMI and other special needs organizations.  I am also looking for a legal advocate, in case something happens to me and my family can not make the best decisions.  Myself and my family will need professional advocacy as I continue to get older.

Thanks for reading.  I look forward to sharing some of my insights over the years.  For example:  the devastation of facing the truth that I would have to take medication the rest of my life at age 18, and how I figuratively swallowed that pill.  I also have been persuaded to go off my meds at very times.  That did not last long; good grief!  I have also tried thorazine, haldol, moban, geodine, and respiradol, in addition to latuda.  Amen to taking Navane or its generic, thiothixine.  I am now age 59, a widow in recovery steps.  Cheers!

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I started, “Let’s Talk Augusta”, which is an Emotional Support  Hotline for Georgia.  I am passing out cards in the community as well as posing signs on the roadside for people to  call this hotline if they need someone to talk  to.  I was able to purchase materials through donations.  

https://linktr.ee/pardon.my.chic

With May being mental health awareness month, my friend Joy and I wanted to have a special conversation about anxiety. A conversation about what we know about anxiety and personal experiences with anxiety. Have you dealt with anxiety? What was that like for you…

let’s talk about it