Summary: Logan finally has a chance to confront Virgil and the encounter leaves them both shattered.
Word count: 1763
Note:reading on mobile can remove the paragraphing sometimes. Use desktop site or visit my Ao3 page if it bothers you as much as it bothers me.
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It felt like Logan had only just closed his eyes when his phone alarm went off. He assumed he had slept through the night, but his mind and body were still exhausted from the emotional release of the evening. In a chain reaction, they all slowly woke and began cleaning the area in an exhausted but calm silence. Roman, Patton and E were the first to head out, leaving Logan and Katie to finish the cleaning and prepare the library for the day.
“Looks like Tate will be a little late this morning,” Katie commented after hanging up her phone. “That old car is giving them trouble again.”
With a sigh, she ran a hand through her oily hair and sat up on the desk.
“Go home, Katie.” Logan offered, placing a hand on the older woman’s shoulder. “I can watch the library until Tate arrives. You’ve done more than enough already.”
The rough sleep on the floor hadn’t served Katie well and she gladly accepted Logan’s offer with a hug before leaving.
Hidden from view, Virgil watched Katie lock the backdoor and waited patiently for her to pull away before going to let himself in. His evening on the street had left him cold to his core and the warmth from inside the library was an immediate relief. Wasting no time, he headed straight to the bathroom to clean up; blissfully ignorant of Logan’s presence at the front of the library. It wasn’t until he came out and found a coffee sitting in the kitchen that Virgil realised he wasn’t alone.
“Katie and I cleaned up this morning, Virgil.” Logan’s voice was calm and pleasant, but it immediately put Virgil on edge. ”I didn’t think you were working today.”
“Just last night.” Keeping his head low, Virgil stepped passed Logan to head to his office. “If nothing is needed, I’ll just grab some things and head out.”
Logan watched cautiously, sensing something off about the other but unsure of the best way to approach. Ben’s message came to mind again as he watched Virgil leave his office with a loaded bag and head toward the back door to leave.
“Did I do something wrong?” Virgil stopped but didn’t turn to face Logan. “I know yesterday didn’t go well but-“
“I told you to let it go, Logan.” The harshness in his voice felt wrong, but Virgil wasn’t going to let Logan get caught up in his mess.
“If something is wrong, you can tell me.” Stepping closer cautiously, Logan noticed Virgil’s shoulders growing tense. “I only want to help-“
“I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP!”
Logan quickly stepped away, taken aback by the others sudden anger. “You might not want it, but you clearly need it.”
“Oh, would you take the hint, you fucking moron.” Virgil kept his face hidden by his hood when he turned around, words burning his throat as if each were acid leaving his mouth. “I’m not interested in your fucked up, gay ass. I got my free food, now leave me alone.”
The words stung Logan, but he kept his face neutral and firm; heart breaking as his mind cruelly brought an old fear back to the surface. Once silenced, the dark thoughts re-entered his mind with a vengeance.
“For the record, I am not gay.” It felt like Virgil’s heart stopped at Logan’s words. “I prefer to identify as a Panromantic-asexual. If you are going to insult my sexuality, at least do it properly.“
“Whatever,” Virgil turned and headed towards the door again. “Have fun with your dead boyfriend, faggot.”
The air was left sour and heavy with Virgil’s words. Neither man believed the words, but their burn was real enough to have an effect. Virgil carried the last of his belongings away to sell in hopes of spearing everyone from his burden; Logan on the other hand, sat in deathly silence until Tate arrived and mindlessly headed out to get ready for work. The old ghostly fear growing and twisting into a dark shadow, until a soothing voice urged him to return to an old habit.
********************
Nothing but the clothes on his back, Virgil walked the streets with a measly $50 in his pocket. Each step echoed in his ears and he felt disgusted by every breath he took past his cursed lips. Regret and guilt a heavy stone in his gut as Logan’s face and his words echoed in his mind. Staring down at his phone he had the urge to call Logan and tell him everything; his debt and his past, the heavy weight that held him back.
“Virgil Sparks?”
The moment Virgil paused and looked up in response to the voice, he regretted it. The men who climbed out of the black van parked beside him were not comfortingly familiar.
“Get in the van, Virgil.” Ben motioned to Virgil from his position in the back; his expression darkened by bruising to his cheek.
“You said I had till Monday. I haven’t got any-“
“Get in.”
A firm hand gripped Virgil’s forearm and he felt all sense of hope finally fade away before climbing inside. There was no running now. The only way out would be messy no matter which way he looked at it. But then again…it was what he deserved.
******************
Patton was terrified as he ran down the streets towards his home. He had received Katie’s message 5 minutes prior and turned his calming walk into a complete workout.
Kit-Kat: are you okay?
Pit-Pat: fine. Just taking a casual walk home.
Kit-Kat: something has happened. Virgil’s office is completely empty, Logan isn’t answering his phone and his work said he left early to take care of you.
He should have felt bad leaving Katie on ‘read’ but all he could think about was how broken Logan was last night. Even before he had shared Jason’s video, he’d seemed more distant than usual, but Patton had been so caught up in his own feelings he hadn’t even registered it until now. Worry gripped his chest like a vice while his feet beat roughly against pavement. Air rushed uncomfortably into his lungs with every breath until he finally reached the doorstep and shoved the key into the lock.
“Logan!”
Patton spotted his roommates bag and shoes roughly discarded in the entry and raced up the stairs; calling again until he reached Logan’s locked bedroom door.
“Logan? Logan, open the door.” He pulled at the door fruitlessly; the silence from the other side feeding his fear with every unresponsive second. “Logie, please, you’re scaring me.”
Hands shaking, Patton eyed the door lock and remembered the same locks on his childhood doors; his mother could always get in when he was sad by using a butterknife to unlock it from the outside. When Logan didn’t respond again, he raced downstairs and decided this was just the situation to invade his privacy.
The knife fell from Patton’s hands the moment the door unlocked and he rushed into the room. Bottles of spirits were discarded and spilling on the floor; the sight alone made Patton’s blood run ice cold. Logan’s glasses were shattered by the wardrobe with what had probably been a full bottle of alcohol. Worried eyes darted around until her spotted his friend crumpled at the far end of the room by his bed; eyes open but unseeing through a blur of tears. Patton was thankful for his shoes as he crunched into the room and cradled Logan’s head between his hands.
“Be honest with me, Logan, how much did you drink?”
Blinking, Logan’s features contorted as his fogged brain processed Patton’s comforting presence and realisation hit like a tidal wave sending sobs through his body again.
“I-I c-nnn-n-t”
“It’s okay. You’re okay, sweetie.” Pulling him close, Patton took in the intense scent of alcohol that he had not dealt with since the first months of Jason’s passing. “I’ve got you now. It’s okay.”
Though Patton would have loved to simply hold Logan, he knew it wasn’t safe to stay in the room as it was. Carefully pulling back, Patton locked Logan’s eyes and kept his tone level and calm.
“It’s not safe here, Logan. Can you stand for me?” With a small nod, Logan carefully rose to his feet with Patton as support. “Okay. There’s lots of glass around so I need you to just stand here while I grab you some shoes. Can you do that?”
Using the wall for support, Logan released Patton so he could retrieve a pair of slippers from the back of the wardrobe. Gingerly slipping them on, Patton guided Logan to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet lid while he went to fetch clean clothes.
When Patton returned, Logan had his face buried in his hands with fresh sobs shaking his shoulders. The déjà vu hit him hard as he felt himself repeating an old routine of helping Logan shower and dress, before shuffling down the hall to set him up in his bed. No one else knew of Logan’s brief struggle with alcohol after Jason. It was a short-lived but intense battle. Night after night of alcohol fuelled sadness and self-loathing was eventually brought under-control thanks to Patton’s support. Sadly, Patton was now reminded that it was a battle they would apparently have to always be aware of. A lingering shadow in their lives that would remain, even after Logan allowed Patton to coax him into an unsteady sleep.
Katie knocked on the door an hour later and Patton carefully shuffled off the bed; thankful that Logan didn’t stir from the movement.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this from the beginning?” Katie asked sadly, moving the wet-vac away so they could scrub the stained carpet further.
“You were grieving at the time.” Bubbles formed on the carpet as Patton began scrubbing, filling his nose with a scent to drown out the alcohol. “You didn’t need Logan’s added burden and we had it handled. For a while, I guess.”
“Had it handled?”
“He’s not an alcoholic, Katie.” His voice was defensive, hoping not to regret pulling Katie into their secret. “You know Lo. He has one drink and that’s it, but after Jason…he went too far. He’s been fine this whole time. I swear this is the first time since that he’s done this.”
With a solemn nod, Katie went back to scrubbing. She believed Patton; he had no reason to lie.
“Something happened with Virgil, Patton. I’m sure of it.”
“Any idea what?”
“No. But I’m going to find out.”
“Me to.”
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End Note
Released at the end of the week, just like I promised.
Tag List (let me know if you want to be removed. It has been so long I understand if you don’t wanna hang around)
You Promised(oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death)
Sides of a Hero(Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)
The Shield to your Sword(WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton)
Summary: A soft mountain of pillows and blankets, plenty of food, boxes of tissues, a few close friends, and plenty of unshed tears. Sounds like a recipe for a lovely evening in the library.
Word count: 2013
Note:reading on mobile can remove the paragraphing sometimes. Use desktop site or visit my Ao3 page if it bothers you as much as it bothers me.
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“Are you sure you want to sell all this, kid?” Pete questioned, eyeing the pile of electrical equipment, parts, a handheld gaming system and a chunky, old laptop. “Won’t you need most of this for work?”
“I need the money more.” The younger man snapped and pointed aggressively at each object, hood low and concealing his face. “The parts and tools are versatile, and any techie would be happy to use them. The laptop may be old, but it runs fine and is already wiped. Jesus, I even got the game working even though it only accepts one cartridge. There will be some nostalgic nerd willing to play only Pokémon blue for the rest of that systems little life. This is good stuff, Pete. What can you get me?”
Scratching his chin in thought, Pete tapped at his keyboard absently. In the few months Virgil had been around, he had never seen the man so desperate for money. The parts boxed up before him would certainly be useful for his other workers but would put Virgil out of commission.
“Kid, if you need the money, just pawn this stuff and come back la-“
“Take the hint, Pete, I’m not coming back.”
Glancing down at Virgil’s shaking hands, the older man sighed and opened the till to retrieve a collection of notes.
“If that’s the case, and this is farewell, take this.” He placed $500 in cash on the counter and slid it towards Virgil. “You do good work, kid. It’s a shame to see you go.”
“And it’s a shame you’re such a fucken cheapskate.”
It was meant to be an insult, but Pete saw a tear drip from his chin as he turned and stormed out with the money. It was nothing but an act to spare the kid from the pain of leaving. Grabbing the bag of items, Pete walked them out the back and placed them safely on a pawning shelf; writing a tag with Virgil’s name and only removing the gaming device to add to inventory. Despite what they had said, Pete wasn’t about to let Virgil throw everything away. He had been rough on him to teach him about the harshness of the industry, but he wasn’t completely heartless. He only hoped Virgil would find the strength to come back.
********************
The once full plates of food were emptier as the group leaned back on beanbags in the library reading area. Patton nestled against Roman’s chest, eyes red from crying after he had spoken about his guilt and thoughts of being a bad omen. The group had listened as Patton finished with the points Roman and Katie had given him the days prior, before Roman pulled him close to his chest.
Logan remained silent. He didn’t know how to respond to Patton’s admissions, all of which were predominantly his fault.
“You are nothing but a good omen to me.” Roman whispered, planting a kiss on his head and continuing to soothingly stroke his shoulder.
“A-agreed.” Logan added, clearing his throat as his voice broke slightly. “I’m sorry if my actions ever made you feel less than what you are worth, Patton. You know how much you mean to me, right?”
Patton shifted on Roman’s chest and extended his hand out for Logan to take.
“I know, Lo. I’ll try not to let myself forget again.”
Giving their hands a final squeeze, the pair let their hands drop so Patton could return to his comforting position against Roman’s chest.
“Perhaps, I should speak next,” Roman offered and looked to the others for their nod of approval.
“Okay, little brother. What do you need to get off your chest?”
“Not Patton, for one.” He joked, giving his partner a squeeze before his tone became surprisingly sombre. “Well… I think it is time I apologised to you…Katie.”
The eldest looked confused as Roman met her eye with a small smile, before he lowered his gaze to focus back on the man on his chest.
“What do you have to apologise for?”
“You said your biggest regret was being…overbearing and overprotective. That your biggest accomplishment over the last few months was not messaging us every few hours religiously, but… I’m the reason you started that in the first place.”
“Roman-”
“Katie.” Logan warned, fixing her with a stern look. “Remember the rules. We speak openly and without interruption.”
After mumbling an apology, Katie gestured for Roman to continue.
“I was meant to tell you about Sasha’s party, but because I didn’t end up going with Jason, I never told you. And, to make matters worse… after Jason’s death, I…” taking a shaky breath, Roman found Patton’s hand to grip for support. “I acted rashly and caused you more stress. I put myself in unnecessary danger on multiple occasions and if it wasn’t for Patton, I’d probably still be party hopping and getting in car wrecks. It was selfish of me and I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my ass and treat you like a human. You’ve been there for me and I should have been there for you…I hope I can do better.”
The figurative weight slid off Roman’s chest as he looked up and saw his older sister smiling, a single tear trailing down her cheek.
“Thank you, Roman.” Swiping the tear away, Katie chuckled quietly to herself. “It really means a lot that you see me as a human.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not always a dragon witch.”
Logan felt his mind wandering; beginning to obsess over the message Virgil had sent. There was such an undertone of anger and he started going through what he’d done wrong. Part of him hoped it was referring to his offers of food and monetary support, which he could easily back away from. Thinking more logically, he figured it was probably his sudden obsession with over sharing and using an acquaintance as a sounding board instead of going to actual therapy. Regardless, he didn’t know for certain and it was eating him up inside.
“Logan?”
Ethan’s voice cut through Logan’s thoughts like a hot knife through butter and he suddenly registered the silence in the room. Everyone else had shared now; their grief and guilt finally aired fully and unapologetically. He was the only one still left to share and it dawned on him just how afraid he was to do as he had planned earlier that afternoon.
“Are you ready to share?” Patton gave his hand a comforting squeeze before allowing Logan to pull away and begin shuffling through his bag.
“I don’t know if I’m ready but,” he pulled his laptop out and began loading the files Virgil had saved, “it would be selfish of me to avoid this any longer.”
The group had a silent exchanged of concerned glances and then moved closer so they would be able to see the screen after Logan set it down. Only Logan spoke as the images from earlier began scrolling across the laptops screen.
“We all remember that night before the fire vividly, I’m sure. Roman was roaming the streets in ignorant bliss; E was enjoying the alcohol Oskar had provided; Katie finally had her feet up; and I was driving a sniffly Patton home. We all know our sides, but I’ve kept one side a secret this whole time, and for that…I am sorry.”
Hitting play on Jason’s video, Logan moved aside to ensure everyone had a clear view of the screen. Colour drained from Katie and Roman’s faces as Jason’s ghostly voice filled their ears and they saw what he had been like in his final moments of life. As the screen froze on Jason’s face the library was left in silence; tears leaving their traces on cheeks as they soaked into the fabric of clothes and blankets.
Katie’s cracked voice finally broke the silence; “why?”
When Logan didn’t respond, Katie tore her eyes away from the screen and looked at him with harsh sadness.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Moving closer, she placed her hands on Logan’s damp cheeks and forced his eyes to meet her own. “What purpose did hiding this serve?”
“Nothing.” Logan’s eyes were void orbs, eyes red and strangely dried. “It only supported my belief that I wasn’t good enough for him and I didn’t want to be convinced otherwise.”
“You stupid man.” Fresh tears welled in her eyes as she pulled Logan into a crushing embrace. “Stupid, bloody, idiot. You were more than enough for him, you fucking fool.”
Though he returned the hug, Logan’s eyes remained glassed until more limbs began joining the embrace. Each body of warmth a physical reminder that though he had lost the face on his computer screen, he still had the family surrounding him. Sobs soon shook his whole frame; eyes squeezing shut as raw emotion was set free and all secrets were finally laid out. No more words were needed now. They had each aired their truths and now clung to each other, raw from it all.
Katie felt Logan’s weight growing as his sobs slowed, and she smiled to herself at the idea of Jason watching over them now. Roman moved back when Patton shifted and wiped his face before gesturing toward the soft spaces they had each been sitting before. Acting on silent instruction, Roman helped change their circle of beanbags and pillows into one soft pile while the other two continued holding Logan’s quivering form.
“He’s asleep.” Ethan whispered in shock as the siblings helped guide Logan to a more comfortable position.
“I doubt he has really slept in a while, Ethan.”
Patton accepted the exhausted man from Roman and laid back on the makeshift bed, removing the other man’s glasses before he instinctively snuggled closer. “That’s it, Logie. Let us take care of you, now.”
“Good job, Pat’s.” Removing Patton’s own glasses, Roman kissed his forehead before settling down behind him.
Ethan watched the scene before him and felt a pang of jealousy at the closeness of the group before Katie’s hand was guiding him over to Logan’s other side. Laying the blankets over everyone, Katie finally took her place on the end; mentally saving the image of the group before relaxing back on the soft cushions. Sleep wouldn’t come easy as a sleepy sob escaped one of the others, but eventually the library was silent, and Katie drifted off in relative peace.
*********************
Leaning his aching body against the cold steel of the dumpster was a relief for a moment, but the cold was soon to leave Virgil shivering. Dried blood gripped his clothes, but he couldn’t bring himself to sneak into the library until a later hour; certain the meeting would still be going. Tears had blended with the blood on his face, making his skin stiff; the feeling uncomfortable as he grimaced and repositioned.
Virgil cursed his luck when the world spun again; head pounding harder than it had when Ben had shoved him into the wall. The $500 from earlier had done nothing to help his situation; only cemented the fact that he couldn’t stay any longer. After a visit to the bank he’d sent $150 to his aunt with an apology for being a burden; $250 had been sent to Ben and the final $100 would have hopefully gotten him through until he got a job in the next town.
“I’m such an idiot.”
Curling in on himself, Virgil sobbed. The memory of Ben and his friends faces haunted his mind as he drifted into a light exhausted sleep.
“Saw you found a new friend. Would hate for anything to happen to them in your absence.”
“I did work for him. That’s all.”
“Like we’d believe a fucken faggot like you.”
“It’s true! He’s just a clueless science geek with a busted computer.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it…I want my money by Monday. Got it?”
“That’s impossible. I’ve given you everythi-“
“If you enjoy pain, I’d keep up the excuses. Wouldn’t everyone love to know you’re the son of a murderer.”
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End Note
Hi…It’s me…Snail. No, I didn’t abandon this fic (even though it was getting pretty close to a year since I updated). Why was I gone so long? Simple…I couldn’t keep up the dangerous cycle of sitting at a computer for hours to do work and then following that up with hours of writing and editing. It really turned unhealthy. So, I switched gears a little. I started writing in smaller bursts (actually have up to chapter 14 done) but I held off from posting until I reached a point were I could post within a reasonable time so you weren’t left on a major cliff hanger as this fic reaches its designated end (which looks to be at around chapter 16 or 17).
Anyway, I haven’t been completely out of the story telling game. I got into Cosplay and telling stories through TikTok (It’s Emily’s -stopitanxiety- fault. I loved her writing and saw her TikTok’s and wanted to be part of that world). It’s a little harder to tell stories using audios and acting out everything, but it’s a lot more on your feet. I actually realised I have the clothes to Cosplay Virgil from this universe and I am considering just vibing as Virge or making it an actual TikTok au story. I dunno yet.
Back on topic, next chapter should be up by the end of the week (just gotta tweak some things that I ended up changing). Warning for the next chapter – alcohol abuse is entering the tags.
Thanks again for reading. Happy timezone, friend
Tag List (let me know if you want to be removed. It has been so long I understand if you don’t wanna hang around)
You Promised(oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death)
Sides of a Hero(Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)
The Shield to your Sword(WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton)
Hey!! I made a video game a while ago for school exams, and because I can’t make it available for people to play it, I made a video on YouTube of the full playthrough so you can watch it!!
Thank you for your nice comments under the NEGATIVE THOUGHTS video!! This story is very important to me, I’m very happy that you liked it and that some of you could relate to it ❤️ btw I also posted the ost on YouTube, both a playlist and a single video with all of them together!
Hey!! I made a video game a while ago for school exams, and because I can’t make it available for people to play it, I made a video on YouTube of the full playthrough so you can watch it!!
