#calorie restriction
I think my biggest problem,
is knowing i’m nothing but a pretty face,
nothing but a product,
nothing but a body.
And you know something?
I’m pretty sick and tired of it.
Daily log -11/07/21
Breakfast:45 grams of low fat cheese
Lunch: 1 pot (0.5 oz) blueberry yoghurt
Dinner: fasting (16 hours, started at 4PM)
Water track: 5 glasses
Exercise: Walking, around 11,530 steps
Total cal:207
Burned:600
It be like that.
When you have no grip on anything in life, counting those cals is what keeps me sane but also not?
I don’t binge often but whenever I get a hold of something I can binge on….goddamn its gon be eaten…. and whenever that happens I try to purge and realise how I fucking hate it. Luckily that keeps me from doing it again for a lil while. Struggles man…
failed on ana’s secret :/ i’m really mad at myself but here’s my info for today
sooo first post :)) my other account got reported :/
i’m doing the ana’s secret diet and day one has been a success so far and i walked 10,000 steps
Guys I did not forget, I know it’s been a while but I’ve been going under major changes in my life. It started with my dog dying, me getting a promotion as manager, losing my friends and loved ones, going full time to college while working a full time “part time” job as manager at a major grocery store, the pandemic hitting, and finally getting some freedom from people being near me(social anxiety). Suddenly people started to come back and I went into psychosis, could function at my job but had mental breakdowns to the point they were going to fire me if I didn’t get help. Met with a therapist who threw me into multiple psych wards, deemed me a danger to myself and others, had a whole group of mental health professionals try and tackle my issues with intensive out patient. I started to gain weight, hate my body, take medication, lose my thoughts, get detained by police at my job because my therapist deemed me a threat to myself and others again and again and again. Lost my position as manager, they threw me back into the store where I hated, gave me a new job there which was alright but they didn’t understand I was so desperate to leave there because I had stalkers.
Once again, I was harassed by my therapist because I’m atheist and she told me I was condemning myself to hell. She made me cry constantly because I do not love myself and have more love for others in need than “pitiful”old me. Finally had enough of her bullshit, got in touch with some old acquaintances and thought everything was good. Finally got my drivers license and a car. Ended up getting in multiple accidents with parked cars cause my therapist would talk to my psychiatrist since they used to work together and had me drugged up the ass without having any warnings on the labels saying “do not operate vehicles once taken”. Had a boyfriend who treated l like shit and raped me after constantly asking him to pull out because it hurt and telling him I didn’t want to do it anymore. Grew more and more suicidal to the point I told him to get the fuck off of me and broke up with him the same day because I was just a cumdumpster and a cab to him. My ex-fiance came back into my life and we remained friends but it was always on and off. A “friend” then sexually assaulted me multiple times while I was still heavily medicated. Got sent to the psych ward again and finally got a great therapist who’s a criminal psychologist and can deal with my homicidal ideation and not deem me as a threat because he knows I would never act upon it. Got a different job, and they fired me because I wanted to go back to school and work fewer days which they agreed to but suddenly changed.
Changed my major from nutrition to mortuary science, went back into school, And was struggling to pay bills, feed my companion animals, and pay for my medication and appointments. Now I have a steady job as a caregiver, only have two clients but they adore me and I adore them. Able to pay for my stuff again and lost 25 pounds but still struggle with my body dysmorphia. I got rid of the people who hurt me and now I’m lucky enough to have 3 people I consider friends. Now I’m almost done with my prerequisite for MS and no one is abusing me but my parents still. I’m not happy, I’ll probably never be, but right now I’m in a decent spot. Sorry for the wait, this will be completed. I’m not too sure if I will do a voice-over tier list but I will still definitely do the tier list. For those who need stuff right now here’s the hookup. Please eat and stay safe
