#no feelings

Por fin tengo pareja, pero como si no la tuviera; tanto tiempo anhelándolo y parece como si no existiera; solo está “presente” cuando nos vemos o nos disfrutamos. No se si soy yo, si es él o la costumbre a la soledad.

Black Star *

I just feel the need to write about how I feel, because nothing is more clear to me as it is in this moment. Here and now. 

I don’t know if what I felt was love, I can’t say it, I just feel the need to be with someone, as everyone is hoping or looking for, it’s just that they don’t admit it. 

Is it too difficult to just realize you need to be with someone to feel fullfilled? I think we just need to be honest with each other. Even a whore wants to feel love or “wanted” by someone. Each one of us wants that feeling, each one of us wants to feel FULLFILLED.

I used to write my feelings right here, where people can judge me for the things I’ve done, how I look and the way I live my life. But if I have to write how I feel right now, I can say the word that describes me the most is EMPTINESS. 

My ex got back from his trip one year, he doesn’t want anything to do with me, I just got back to the person I used to be, a girl who fills her emptiness with guys, but this time is worst, at least years ago I was a virgin.

Each guy I go out with ends up as a number on my list, and that number is what scares me the most, is what defines me. How many guys do you have to screw to be a slut? How many guys do you have to screw to be a good girl? Which is the number that makes you worth it.

Mine is 21.  

Feelings