I just write man because he is 8 years older than me. He fills each one of my expectations, but I think he won’t be the guy I was expecting.

As my whole diary describes my bad experiences with guys, this is not the last time this happens. I was hoping for the best, but that’s not what happened. He is just like every other man, dissapointing.

My fifth week on university and I am just wating for the rest of the weeks to pass on. I feel tired, I just don’t have time to do what I was used to. I feel lonely, because my ex-boyfriend is not speaking to me (just to be clear we broke up because of distance). I feel used by guys, I had sex with two of them yesterday and was nothing compared to what I imagined. I feel embarrased because of my weight. I feel stressed because of my classes.

Anything else?

 As the summer passed by, I lived lots of things during my favorite season of the year, I enjoyed my birthday as every year and I celebrated for almost 3 weeks. I lived different experiences and met different people. I suffered because of love, but I also moved on a little bit. I don’t want to explain each of the things I lived this summer but I will make a summary for me and for you:

- I rode a motorbike with a hot guy, he was very interesting and a proffesor from my university too.

- My ex-boyfriend left everything clear to me, it was a bit hard but I needed that kind of honesty, he wants to stay in Spain, he loves his life there and he is happy.

- I met a guy who gives me mixed signals, he fills all of my expectations but maybe we are just friends, I have the whole year to find out.

- University starts in 10 days, and this will be a hard semester.

As many people decide to change with all of the new year excitement, I finally decide this now in my birthday month. I promised myself to try new things and yesterday was the first of my new experiences: riding a motorbike. It was very scary (Im the type of person who is afraid to everything) but also very exciting and the guy who took me on a ride was very patient and handsome.
He explain to me the most important rules to ride a motorbike and I had one of the best experiences of my life, I could watch the city with a completely different view.

My boyfriend is leaving on August 17th of this year. I have no idea what I’m going to do when he is gone, I really want to try a long distance relationship but I don’t know if this will last the whole year he’ll be in Spain. I will really try to make an exchange with my university to be half of the year there with him. It’s my dream, but lately I’ve been really immature to convince my parents about this idea.

I know it’s hard to believe but I really did. I rejected my friend with benefits.
It wasn’t as hard as I thought, and this happened when I went to his place to prove myself that I love my boyfriend and that I wasn’t going to cheat on him.
I’m not going to lie, he did try something with me, but I completely stopped him. He tried getting close to me, hugging me and the first thing I did was tell him to get away, because I had a boyfriend and he was making me uncomfortable because I wouldn’t like my boyfriend to be hugging her ex-friend with benefits.
Now I can say I’m over with that phase of my life and now I feel 100% secure that I’m in love with my boyfriend and that I don’t want any other guy to be with me.

After all this semester in university I can relax now, and as I enjoy a lot having many activities everyday I plan for myself a day by day calendar, with sundays to do the most important thing on the week: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Day by day, I will write about everything that I do, if I can, take pictures and videos, and most important: I’ll try to do something different each day, until August 15th that I have to go back to university.

After three years is anyone still using tumblr? it’s been ages!!

Nothing changes after 5 years

After years and years of telling you my friend with benefits relationship is over and telling you it was fucked up, I have to tell you we are still on it.

Some part of me will always wonder what if? What if he could consider me as a girlfriend material? What if he finds another girl? What if I found a guy for me but I’m afraid to let him go?

I dont want to loose him, but after so many years (since 2013 to be exact) would the relationship last more? Are we going to keep this forever? When is it going to stop? But, what if I dont want it to end?

Anger and revenge.

I hate this feeling of feeling rejected by many guys so I decided to get my own kind of revenge: become irresistible to them.

I lost a few lbs and guys are coming back to me so I decided to play with all of them. I’ll play the role as the difficult girl who wants respect but really likes to hang out with them.

I will not reject them, but I won’t see them the day they want me to, at the time, place and doing the activity that I want to do. Everything in my OWN terms and conditions.

Part 1 of my own kind of revenge.

It just seems so easy at movies, but it really isn’t. I hate the feeling of needing some kind of love or attention. Can I just be a strong and independent woman who doesn’t need a man? My christmas, new year’s and birthday wish would be exactly that.

100% guilty

I had a meeting with my schoolmates, there was so much food and drinks. I ate, and I ate A LOT. It was a baby shower, I think my stomach has a new baby because of all the food I ate.

Stupid, silly girls…

I tried to be a good friend, but I really had doubts on this one.

One of my best friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her. She knows from his past that he was cheating his ex too, because he cheated on her with my friend. So I found out this because “someone” (another one of my best friends) heard him saying this. So I told her, because she was like my sister but nowadays we don’t talk as often as we used to.

The result was getting in trouble because they know it was me who told her, and she is still blind because she believes in him. But I knew this from the beggining, I know that even though she is 100% sure he is cheating on her and he says sorry, she is going to forget about it and do as if anything happen.

I just feel the need to write about how I feel, because nothing is more clear to me as it is in this moment. Here and now. 

I don’t know if what I felt was love, I can’t say it, I just feel the need to be with someone, as everyone is hoping or looking for, it’s just that they don’t admit it. 

Is it too difficult to just realize you need to be with someone to feel fullfilled? I think we just need to be honest with each other. Even a whore wants to feel love or “wanted” by someone. Each one of us wants that feeling, each one of us wants to feel FULLFILLED.