#not my tags
I was remembering how earlier this year I was using the labels “homoromantic asexual” or “ace lesbian” to describe myself. For a few months, those labels helped me understand the lesbian experience and how I related to it and ultimately to know if I was really a lesbian or not. I knew I was asexual and I was sure of that part of me, but… romantic attraction was always more complicated to understand bc I didn’t know if I had felt it or not.
I was sure that I didn’t feel attracted to men at all (romantically or sexually) but women… it had me wondering; aesthetic attraction and all haha. Hence, why the lesbian label helped me understand that. I came to understand that I do experience platonic and emotional attraction very strongly towards women/female aligned people but it has never been romantic in nature. Eventually, I learned I’m an aromanticasexual person. I’ve never experienced romantic attraction and I had mistook it for platonic attraction towards my similar gender all along. I had never desired a romantic partner either, it was more of the idea of one. But I’ve never felt that desire directed at someone specific, regardless of gender.
I guess I’m writing this for anyone out there that needs it: it’s okay to be confused, it’s okay to be wrong and think you’re x when you’re actually z. It’s okay to try on different labels and find the ones that describe your experience better, the ones that you’re comfortable with. It’s okay. I promise
Yea I went through something similar.
My crush on that one girl faded over the holidays and when I realized, I was baffled for a moment. That had never happened before.
But looking back at my “feelings”, I realized I was right every time I said it wasn’t a crush. It truly wasn’t.
I just admire that girl A LOT, I still do. But those weren’t romantic feelings nor seggsual attraction. It was just me “forcing” myself to put those unnamed emotions into a perfectly labeled box, as per usual.
Plus, I have a history of always having someone to “obsess over” in order to excuse myself for not paying attention in class or to procrastinate stuff I’m supposed to be doing.
Truth is, I’m way happier when I’m “crush-free” and not thinking of someone at all. I wish I could uninstall this need to have “an object of affection” when I just don’t want to have it.
OP is right. It’s okay to think that you’ve finally found the labels that suit you and later to realize that they don’t fit as well as you thought. It’s okay to skim through multiple labels until you find the right one(s). Or not. Deciding to stay sans-label isn’t a bad thing either.
Good thing queer exists, I use it for more often than you think
