I was remembering how earlier this year I was using the labels “homoromantic asexual” or “ace lesbian” to describe myself. For a few months, those labels helped me understand the lesbian experience and how I related to it and ultimately to know if I was really a lesbian or not. I knew I was asexual and I was sure of that part of me, but… romantic attraction was always more complicated to understand bc I didn’t know if I had felt it or not.
I was sure that I didn’t feel attracted to men at all (romantically or sexually) but women… it had me wondering; aesthetic attraction and all haha. Hence, why the lesbian label helped me understand that. I came to understand that I do experience platonic and emotional attraction very strongly towards women/female aligned people but it has never been romantic in nature. Eventually, I learned I’m an aromanticasexual person. I’ve never experienced romantic attraction and I had mistook it for platonic attraction towards my similar gender all along. I had never desired a romantic partner either, it was more of the idea of one. But I’ve never felt that desire directed at someone specific, regardless of gender.
I guess I’m writing this for anyone out there that needs it: it’s okay to be confused, it’s okay to be wrong and think you’re x when you’re actually z. It’s okay to try on different labels and find the ones that describe your experience better, the ones that you’re comfortable with. It’s okay. I promise
Yea I went through something similar.
My crush on that one girl faded over the holidays and when I realized, I was baffled for a moment. That had never happened before.
But looking back at my “feelings”, I realized I was right every time I said it wasn’t a crush. It truly wasn’t.
I just admire that girl A LOT, I still do. But those weren’t romantic feelings nor seggsual attraction. It was just me “forcing” myself to put those unnamed emotions into a perfectly labeled box, as per usual.
Plus, I have a history of always having someone to “obsess over” in order to excuse myself for not paying attention in class or to procrastinate stuff I’m supposed to be doing.
Truth is, I’m way happier when I’m “crush-free” and not thinking of someone at all. I wish I could uninstall this need to have “an object of affection” when I just don’t want to have it.
OP is right. It’s okay to think that you’ve finally found the labels that suit you and later to realize that they don’t fit as well as you thought. It’s okay to skim through multiple labels until you find the right one(s). Or not. Deciding to stay sans-label isn’t a bad thing either.
Good thing queer exists, I use it for more often than you think
This design will be available as a sticker in my shop this Saturday (10/30) at 6pm EDT.
[Image description: a digital drawing of the Pokemon buizel laying on its back with an aroace flag in the background. It is surrounded by white cirlces resembling bubbles.]
I’d recommend watching Jaiden Animations newest video! It’s all about aromanticism and asexuality (mostly aromanticism) and I found myself relating to it an awful lot. It’s honestly so validating to see a person I’ve been watching content of for years come out as aroace and I feel seen for once. I think she explains the basics of it very well and tackles amatonormativity and some misconceptions. And I’m also really glad to see an aroace person clearly separate the aro from ace while validating both sides ngl. I hope all the allos watching her content will be educated lol
[ID: Digital comic consisting of Tokoyami Fumikage and Keigo Takami from My Hero Academia. A headshot of Tokoyami says “Romance gross” in black text, the next panel is a headshot of Keigo leaning forward and saying “Yes” and in smaller yellow text “I’m listening”, the third panel is Tokoyami replying “Sex also gross”, and the fourth panel is of Keigo wide eyed with an ellipsis and the words “alloaro silence” beside him. The fifth panel is Keigo leaning back and replying, “We are not the same. And that’s okay.” Around each image is the username Rolaplayor101. /End ID]
Next up in our Aspec Voices series is Aros who have been in or want romantic relationships! Thanks to everyone wo contributed, including @a-romantic–aromantic!
These graphics feature some quotes from the article, which you can read in full here: https://taaap.org/2022/02/24/asaw-22-aros-romance/
[ID: “I really enjoy affection and the act of being cared for in a romantic way, but I also need my partners to understand that I don’t have relationship hierarchies in my head- I don’t value them more than my friends. “ - Alex. “Ideally I wouldn’t live with my partner, we’d have our own space, and they’d understand I’m seeking intimacy and closeness more than romance and sex.” - Ky. “I largely try to stay away from it, but I’ve seen quite a bit of anti-romance sentiment coming from some aro people, and I understand ranting about it, I understand wanting nothing to do with it, but the homophobic, racist, and ableist implications of being anti-romance make me uncomfortable.” - Magpie.
“Being aromantic affects a lot of aspects of my relationships. Since I’m aroflux, my orientation switches around a lot. I’ll go from being romantically attracted to someone to suddenly wanting no romance at all.“ - Mars Naomi. “You don’t need to be hungry to think the cake looks delicious. You don’t need to feel a romantic attraction to want to do the cutesy mushy romantic stuff. - Amalthæ. “[Aromanticism] also means I am barely ever interested in someone despite pretty much constantly wanting to be which is frustrating.” - Theo. End ID.]
[ID: The first three images are icons with characters from “Hades” on a faded asexual aromantic flag. The characters are: Megaera, Tisiphone, and Alecto.
The last image is a banner that reads “do not interact if you’re a: aphobe/biphobe/enbyphobe terf/truscum/transmed/etc.” on top of a faded asexual aromantic flag]
[ID: The first seven images are icons with characters from “Hades” on a faded asexual aromantic flag. The characters are: Achilles, Patroclus, Orpheus, Eurydice, Asterius, Sisyphus, and Theseus.
The last image is a banner that reads “do not interact if you’re a: aphobe/biphobe/enbyphobe terf/truscum/transmed/etc.” on top of a faded asexual aromantic flag]
ALT
