I was remembering how earlier this year I was using the labels “homoromantic asexual” or “ace lesbian” to describe myself. For a few months, those labels helped me understand the lesbian experience and how I related to it and ultimately to know if I was really a lesbian or not. I knew I was asexual and I was sure of that part of me, but… romantic attraction was always more complicated to understand bc I didn’t know if I had felt it or not.
I was sure that I didn’t feel attracted to men at all (romantically or sexually) but women… it had me wondering; aesthetic attraction and all haha. Hence, why the lesbian label helped me understand that. I came to understand that I do experience platonic and emotional attraction very strongly towards women/female aligned people but it has never been romantic in nature. Eventually, I learned I’m an aromanticasexual person. I’ve never experienced romantic attraction and I had mistook it for platonic attraction towards my similar gender all along. I had never desired a romantic partner either, it was more of the idea of one. But I’ve never felt that desire directed at someone specific, regardless of gender.
I guess I’m writing this for anyone out there that needs it: it’s okay to be confused, it’s okay to be wrong and think you’re x when you’re actually z. It’s okay to try on different labels and find the ones that describe your experience better, the ones that you’re comfortable with. It’s okay. I promise
Yea I went through something similar.
My crush on that one girl faded over the holidays and when I realized, I was baffled for a moment. That had never happened before.
But looking back at my “feelings”, I realized I was right every time I said it wasn’t a crush. It truly wasn’t.
I just admire that girl A LOT, I still do. But those weren’t romantic feelings nor seggsual attraction. It was just me “forcing” myself to put those unnamed emotions into a perfectly labeled box, as per usual.
Plus, I have a history of always having someone to “obsess over” in order to excuse myself for not paying attention in class or to procrastinate stuff I’m supposed to be doing.
Truth is, I’m way happier when I’m “crush-free” and not thinking of someone at all. I wish I could uninstall this need to have “an object of affection” when I just don’t want to have it.
OP is right. It’s okay to think that you’ve finally found the labels that suit you and later to realize that they don’t fit as well as you thought. It’s okay to skim through multiple labels until you find the right one(s). Or not. Deciding to stay sans-label isn’t a bad thing either.
Good thing queer exists, I use it for more often than you think
This artist, celepom has some of the coolest art about asexuality that you simply MUST read! I promise you’ll find yourself in at least one of her episodes of:
I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for you guys. Being seen as inherently hyper-sexual beings, just cuz “you’re men and that’s what all men are like/all men do”
That’s some load of BS
Whoever said that can go to the underground sauna
A-spec AMABs but not only: I see you.
You’re valid and appreciated and loved! A “man’s duty” is no longer based on what the ancient doctrines of patriarchy say. Honestly, fxck patriarchy.
Women are supposed to be prudes, men should always seek sexual contact blah-blah-blah
HOW ABOUT!!!! We let diversity spread and let people be who they want to be, do what they want to do with their lives? Eh?
Okay, this is something that I’ve been meaning to talk about for a while.
Before I learned what asexuality was, I didn’t know what attraction was either. Not quite.
I still got crushes and “fawned” over them. But like, whenever I either got bored of obsessing or they moved away or I found out that they were already dating someone, or I met someone else, I’d instantly go: aight I’ll stop now.
And it literally was like turning a switch off. My friends all looked at me weird, but then again, so did I whenever I saw them actually pursuing a relationship with their crushes no matter what. Like??? Okay, you do you but I could never
《 Achillean Oriented Aroace P03 》 // for @fightingtrim
500x500, free to use! please credit if used!
[id: a set of 3 icons. all icons have an image of P03 from inscryption. all have a faint border around them, the left side being the achillean flag and the right side being the oriented aroace flag.
there is also a dni banner with the achillean flag in the background. the text on the banner says “nsfw / ddlg (+) / map / terf / exclus. / truscum / anti-mogai don’t interact!”. end id. ]
Being blocked by aroace people for not liking “orientated aroace” or people that are interested in romantic relationships being accepted into aro spaces sure does suck. I don’t understand why even aroace people are fine with amatonormativity being shoved in our direction, I shouldn’t be treated like an asshole for not wanting people to identify as aroace when they clearly aren’t.
People who find these terms useful aren’t shoving amatonormativity in our direction. Rather, you’re allowing amatonormativity to impact your interpretation of these concepts in the aromantic asexual community. You are misinterpreting their relationships and preferences re: relationships, as sexual-romantic, which you are in turn using to argue that people like this aren’t actually aroace.
Here’s the issue - if you can’t conceive of non-sexual / non-romantic relationships and gendered preferences regarding those relationships as being anything other than sexually and/or romantically motivated, then you are directly feeding into amatonormativity, which is a concept that is not exclusive to us. It’s a term that identifies romantic norms that hurt all people.
Amatonormativity restricts the kinds of partner(s) people can have and what their relationships can look like. It determines that monogamous relationships that are romantic, marriages especially, are the most valued and central. This doesn’t just hurt aroace people who can’t form romantic relationships, but literally anyone who does not fit that norm - especially polyamorous people.
Terms like “orientated aroace” allows aroace people to determine for themselves what kinds of relationships they preference, if in fact they do want to have one. This gives agency back to aroace people, when previously we were not allowed to explore what relationships mean to us. If done right, this can also give us the room to talk about those of us who don’t want to engage in any of this.
You may believe that the assumption that relationships are a requirement for everyone stems from amatonormativity, and it may in fact play a part in that. You may personally feel like aroace people are trying to approximate norms in order to be more socially acceptable. However, by denying aroace people the ability and the language to explore this, you’re shoving amatonormativity on us all.
Critically thinking about how aroace people talk about relationships is a good thing. Telling people how to identify and taking out personal sufferings under amatonormativity on other people is not a good thing. It’s lateral aggression, which only serves as a distraction from our biggest problems as well as it gate-keeps people from spaces they need to understand themselves.
[image description: Trevor the Blob placed onto the aroace, oriented aroace and aro allo flags. The next three images are Negatus sprawled on his throne with one knee up on the arm and one hand behind his head. This image has been placed onto the genderqueer guy, queer and aro ace flags. The last three images are Kendall smiling down at someone off camera placed on the oriented aroace, polyamorous and asexual flags. End image description.]
[image description: a transparent image of Negatus from Yonderland sprawled on his throne with one knee up on the arm and one hand behind his head. This image has been placed onto the lesbian, gay man, bisexual, genderqueer, 1978 rainbow, polyamorous, oriented aro ace, aro allo, mlm and gay flagby@painhaver. End image description.]
[ID: ten images of pride flags with the word ‘bród’ (pride) and heart emojis in the flag’s colours written on top. Pride flags are: 1978 rainbow, oriented aro ace, aro ace spec and aro ace by @aroaceworms, aro allo, aro ace, greyromantic, greysexual, blue red black polyamorous and pink purple polyamorous by @whimsy-flags. End ID.]
[ID as Gaeilge: deich pictiúir faoi bratach bród agus an focail ‘bród’ agus emoji croí sa dathanna seo. Is é bogha báistí 1978, leasmar gan-ghnéas gan-rómáns, beagán rómáns agus ghnéas agus gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas le @aroaceworms, gan-rómáns allai-ghnéasach, gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas, liath-rómáns, liath-ghnéas, gorm dearg dubh il-leannánach agus bándearg corcra il-leannánach le @whimsy-flags na bratach bród.]
[ID: a series of images of two pride flags fused together down the centre. The flags are: aroace & genderqueer gal, aroace & genderqueer guy, aroace & genderfluid, aroace & transgender, green and pink gay man & aroace, @gayflagblog’s gay man & aro ace, lesbian & aroace. End ID]
For Pride Month, we’d like to feature voices of aspec people too often left out of this month and our celebrations! So if you’re ace or aro and are straight, loveless, or don’t identify as queer, please get in touch!
You can DM us here or email us at [email protected] and let us know which article you’d be interested in contributing to.
[ID: Call for Aspec Voices. We are looking for any ace-spectrum or aro-spectrum person who identifies with any of the following: Aspecs who don’t identify as queer –This includes aspecs who don’t identify with or feel included in the queer community for any reason. Loveless aspecs –This includes aspecs who reject, don’t identify with, or don’t experience the word love or the concept of it. Straight aspecs–This includes heterosexual and/or heteromantic ace-spectrum or aro-spectrum people, as well as aspecs who identify as hetero on any axis of attraction. We will be posting three separate articles to show that Pride Month is for all aspecs!
Call for Aspec Voices. Pride Month Aspec Voices! What: Contribute to an article by writing answers to our questions. Why: To showcase the variety of aspec experiences. How: DM or email us at [email protected]↵↵When: - Reach out by June 13 - Responses due by June 23 - Articles will be posted the last week of June. End ID.]
Hello! With Lesbian Visibility Day happening later this month, we would love to get in touch with some aspec lesbians so that we can post an article about their experiences. Please DM or email us by the 16th if you’re interested!
[ID: “Call for Aspec Voices. Who - Any aro-spectrum and/or ace-spectrum lesbian or lesbian aligned person. We include bi and pan lesbians, they/them and he/him lesbians, non-binary and trans lesbians, sapphics, and anyone else who feels connected to the lesbian identity. What - contribute to an article by writing answers to our questions. Why - to showcase a variety of aspec experiences. How - DM or email us at [email protected]. When - reach out by April 16. Responses due by April 22. Article will be posted April 26, Lesbian Visibility Day.” End ID.]
Bulk posting my ace memes for International Asexual Day!
This meme was made to spread awareness for r/orientedaroace. Oriented aroace is an aspec identity where an aroace person feels that another label such as gay, lesbian, or bi is a significant enough part of their identity to have a place beside their aroace label, usually because they experience some kind of tertiary attraction. If this intriuges you, check out the pinned post on the subreddit for more information.
[ID: Well yes but actually no meme format. Top text says “Them: What’s your type? Which way do you swing?” An image of a bearded man is labeled “Pan-oriented aroaces” and captioned “ Well yes, but actually no.” End ID]
[ID: The first five images are icons with characters from “Hades” on a faded oriented aroace flag. The characters are: Zagreus, Persephone, Dusa, Skelly, and Cerberus.
The last image is a banner that reads “do not interact if you’re a: aphobe/biphobe/enbyphobe terf/truscum/transmed/etc.” on top of a faded oriented aroace flag]
