#original poety
Now I am an empty tank
But you won’t light a match for me
There is not a single person who is born without the glimmer of light in their eyes.
Where did yours go darling?
You are far too young for your eyes to be this dark.
- [i.r.]
[07.02.21.]
When I was suffocating in my self destructive tendencies.
With the thought of living, squeezing my throat until I struggled to breathe.
I often wondered if anyone would be affected if I made the decision to die.
I tried to convince myself that it wouldn’t matter.
That the sun would still rise,
the world would continue without me.
I thought because there are so many people in the world,
so many things happening it didn’t matter.
But it would.
I didn’t realize the ghost of my existence
would haunt the people who did care.
That the silence that would replace me would be the
loudest screams echoing in my family’s ears.
My father who I have rarely seen cry held my hand in the er
while I was getting stitches with tears silently streaming down his face.
My brother who took layers of bark off the old tree in the backyard
when I showed him the extent of the damage I did to myself yet again.
The pain in my mothers eyes when her new job became bandaging her daughter’s wounds.
That the first morning I didn’t wake up the sun would still rise,
the world would continue around me.
What I didn’t consider was for months after the lack of
my existence would resonate around my parents house.
And I finally understood.
The sun would still rise. The world would still continue.
The only thing left of my existence would be pain.
And I want to be something more.
- [i.r.]
[06.04.21.]
I would rather be alone than dragged down
with this collapsing illusion of love.
- [i.r.] // [05.20.22.]
With tear stains and white lies
You’re fumbling your alibis.
- [i.r.] // [05.06.22.]
No one taught you how to be wrong.
So you always expected to be right.
Can I really blame you for something
you were never capable of?
- [i.r.] // [04.27.22.]
We sit across from one another, on the floor with our legs crossed
as if mirroring the way we acted as children could bring back our innocence.
A partially filled bottle of liquor is the only thing separating us.
It would be such a simple action to close the space
that is keeping me from your touch.
Everytime you breathe the scent of alcohol turns
my stomach, making it difficult to look at you.
Your voice is slurred almost beyond recognition as you tell me
that you do not think you could ever believe in love.
My heart becomes the heaviest thing in the room
as tears burn the corners of my eyes.
I unintentionally pull away at the sound of your words,
looking widely around for anything that is not you.
My lungs burn without oxygen as my chest painfully constricts and
I cannot force the breath from my lips much less words.
And my mind desperately searches for an
explanation to how we ended up like this.
Your hand quivers as you reach for the bottle your glossy eyes shining
with an eerie determination and I cannot do anything
but choke on any attempt to stop you.
- [i.r.]
[02.23.22.]
There always is something that you want from others in your life…and you may be called selfish for that.
But sometimes, we meet PEOPLE. People we want nothing from. Absurd, but we don’t exactly know why we like them sticking around. Rather why we wish to be around them, without purpose or intent, no questions asked.
-By the PEOPLE who triggered my mind into jotting this
