[transcript: 14 horizontal stripes of double orange, double orangy red, sandy gold/brown, yellow, pear, green, turquoise green, dark teal/cyan, double pale indigo, and double light blue. id over.]
For men that are mothers
Female Father Flag
[transcript: 14 stripes with double desaturate cyan, double royal blue, indigo, blue, turquoise green, yellow, green, brown, double dark red-pink, and double pale pink. id over.]
For women that are fathers
Not necessarily trans-related. Some solo parents consider themselves both father and mother. However this could be also cross-alignment (sex/gender-related), such as a lunarian (woman-aligned) man and a wolffadic woman.
If you’re trans and you identify in whole or part as a boy, good for you!!! You’re not contributing to the infantilization of trans men by being yourself. Boys can be soft and sensitive, and they can also be incredibly strong and creative and awesome in ways too numerous to list!
The word “boy” carries a different connotation from the word “man,” and that’s okay! Just use whichever word makes you feel most comfortable. Personally, being a boy to me means that I retain my ties to softness and childhood and I find that liberating. Other guys get euphoric when they’re referred to as men. Everybody’s different and both of these things are totally okay!
Okay, you know what? I hate the infantilization of trans men as much as the next guy, but I am not going to stop calling myself a boy, because that’s what I am. I’m a teenager, not a man! And for me, the word “boy” is an empowering descriptor because I feel like I’m entitled to my childhood and my adolescence as much as any trans man is entitled to their mature masculinity.
As an abuse survivor and a sexual assault survivor, ties to childhood and youth in general are things I’ve been forced to sever before I was ready. I never had any kind “childhood” past age nine, but I deserved and still deserve one anyway. Because of that, a masculine term describing a young person is meaningful to me.
Being trans is no reason for me to have to grow up fast. I deserve to be seen as the teenager I am and that is why I use the word “boy” when describing myself and seek to make the distinction between boys and men when I make posts. Neither is better, they’re just different, and I think that’s okay.
So lately I’ve seen a lot of posts rejecting the trans boy stereotype, meaning that of a “soft” white, thin, feminine, young, usually-gay and able-bodied person and instead drawing more attention to the older and more conventionally (hyper) masculine and “manly” members of our community.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think positivity for trans guys of all descriptions is important and I’m glad we’re expanding on this, but we have a long way to go! Trans guys are more than “soft boys” or “manly men” and we need to be aware of this and try our best to lift each other up!
My issue is that our examples of masculinity are still very narrow either way. Trans guys aren’t as simple as all that!
Trans guys aren’t just white, thin, able-bodied teens or even twenty-somethings. I want visibility and an awareness of the existence of boys and men of color, guys of various races and ethnic backgrounds who so often get passed over. Fat trans guys, trans guys with physical disabilities and chronic illnessses, neurodivergent guys! Body politics and accessibility advocacy are things this community severely lacks. I also want to just give a huge shoutout to trans guys of all sexualities; whether you’re gay, straight, bi, pan, poly, ace, queer, however you call yourself, you are loved. By me!
I also just want to acknowledge, even though I’m pretty much that first “soft boy” stereotype minus the able-bodied part, I am such a tiny sampling of the traits a transmasculine person can have.
Trans guys can be binary or non-binary, fat or thin, of any race or ethnicity, and with any disability, neurotype, or mental illness. They can be men in their 70s or five-year-old boys or anywhere between and beyond.
They can be athletes or math nerds or both or neither. Heck, they can be theater kids. They can be addicts, they can be survivors, they can have eating disorders and abuse stories and traumas. They can be artists and philosophers. They can practice any religion or none at all or be undecided. They can be sex workers or former sex workers. They can be feminists. They can be out and proud or closeted or still questioning.
They can be found in suits, or dresses, or flannels with skinny jeans, or Catholic-school uniforms, or hospital gowns, or cozy pullover sweaters. They can be single, married, fathers, grandfathers, uncles. They can be in relationships with a loving partner, or multiple! They can have literally any story and they all deserve to be acknowledged.
A single trans guy can be anything and together we are everything and I never see this talked about, not fully, and I still haven‘t done a proper job of it but I had to start somewhere! I’m still young and new to this community myself, so my knowledge is limited but it is growing and I want to see this place become someplace welcoming for all trans boys and men.
I know this post far from includes everyone but I tried my best, I’m tired and emotional but I tried my best and please add anything I’ve missed because every transmasculine experience is unique and deserves more attention in this place. I love all of you, boys and men. Please talk, and please listen to each other.
