#tua incorrect quotes

Klaus, chucking a baby Jesus figurine at Five: SEASONS YEETINGS

Klaus: We’re fuck ups, but we’re the good kind.

Allison: What’s the bad kind?

Klaus, pointing at Five who’s mounted a vending machine and proceeded to demonically screech at it:That.

Person: So who’s your dad?

Klaus, whose father traumatized him to the point where he had to look towards drugs and alcohol for relief: Papa John.

Klaus: I can’t believe Diego! “Klaus, your hummus obsession has gone too far”. The JERK!

Ben: Uhm … are you … sure he doesn’t have a point?

Klaus, shaking and on his third hummus jar that day: Why would you say such a thing?

Klaus: Look at that son of a bitch

Diego:

Diego: People feel uncomfortable when you refer to dogs that way

Five: Oh, suck my dick

Klaus: That’s incest and pedophilia. It’s double illegal.

Ben: D I L L E G A L

try to tell me this hasn’t happened i dare you

Klaus: Foot fetishes are toe-tally valid

Ben: That was the worst joke I’ve ever heard

Klaus: I believe in what I said, Ben. I believe in it with all of my sole

Klaus, severely touch-starved: Sometimes you’ve just gotta be your own daddy.

Five, poking his head in his room: Hi sorry I overheard you and I’ve got a quick question: what the fuck

TUA Disney Trip Headcanon

• Klaus packing three suitcases for a four day trip
• Diego INSISTS on wearing his stupid leather suit despite the fact that they’re going to Florida
• Vanya goes on all the kiddie rides with Ben while Klaus, Diego and Five head straight for the Tower of Terror
• Allison is busy taking photos of anything and everything they find
• Ben begs for a Mickey balloon but Klaus bumps into it and it floats away
• Ben’s crying so hard that Klaus promises he’ll buy him a churro later
• They collectively buy every kind of junk food that is offered to them
• Vanya is the designated Bag Holder™ whilst the others go on the big rides
• Allison stays with Vanya because she refuses to let anything happen to her hair
• Ben and Luther are most excited for Animal Kingdom ;)
• Klaus and Allison (and even Vanya) are looking forward to meeting the princesses
• Five spends the whole trip complaining that “we should’ve gone to Universal”
• They spot Kenny and his mom and Five makes a run for it
• Klaus takes tons of photos in front of the big castle captioned “I’m home bitches”
• Klaus spends about half an hour talking to Cruella De Vil about fashion
• Vanya ends up talking to Cinderella a whole lot
• Allison makes fun of the others for how excited they are when they meet the characters yet she gets all flustered meeting Tiana
• Luther has a loooong conversation with Gaston
• “People just don’t get us, y’know?” “I hear ya, Lugger”
• Klaus wanders off so much that they group threatens to buy him a leash
• Klaus’ response? “Kinky”
• Vanya insists on buying every souvenir they come by
• Luther is literally the only one worrying about the budget the rest are just blowing through it
• Klaus proceeds to wear his Mickey Ears for the next month and a half
• “THIS PLACE IS EVEN BETTER THAN DRUGS” *a mother turns her child in the other direction*
• Klaus is smiling through the entire experience and Vanya is too
• Klaus also gets tired within their first twenty minutes of the park
• “I told you NOT to wear heels, Klaus” “Beauty is pain”
• Vanya carries around SPF 100 wherever she goes
• Luther ends up piggybacking Klaus half the time
• Ben slaps anyone anytime they swear because “the children”
• Klaus gets so warm he ends up dunking his head in the fountain
• Some way or another Klaus ends up being chased by security guards while Mickey Mouse gives him a disappointed look
• “I need to piss” “we’re on a fucking rollercoaster”
• Luther has to sit out on a lot of rides cuz he can’t fit in the seats
• “Hey! Five! It’s you!” *Five glares as Klaus points towards Peter Pan*
• “I am nothing like you, you freeloading little pixie. I’ve saved the world, I’ve done things that your tiny brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend. I am superior to you in every way.” “Can you fly?” *Five growls*
• In the end Vanya is literally red from burns and they all have to drag Klaus onto the plane to leave

the academy at 3am

*hears a loud bang from downstairs*

Diego: Uhhhh what the fuck

Luther: What was that

Five, sighing: It’s too early for this

Vanya: Let’s go make sure nobody’s hurt

*they go downstairs only to find Klaus crouching over many fallen foods and the kitchen door wide open*

Diego: Klaus WHAT the fuck

Klaus: çrēåmëd ćørñ

Five: Fuck off

Klaus: Well only if off is okay with it

Vanya: Men are trash

Allison:Preach

Klaus: And I’m a garbage collector

vanya finding out about harold’s true intentions

Vanya: a human heart cost $442,000 and I gave you mine for free you ungrateful slut

Happy birthday Cameron!!

Vanya to literally anybody: *whispering* yeah uh, today’s my birthd—

Luther, crashing through the ceiling: TODAY’S MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES

*Five, clearly annoyed with Klaus*

Klaus: What? Why are you upset?

Klaus, softly: Is it because my shoes light up and yours don’t?

Ben: Hey … if olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?

Vanya: Oh, baby oil? It’s just—

Klaus: B a b y m i l k

Vanya:…

Vanya:Klaus—

Klaus: ᴹᵘˢᵗ ᵐⁱˡᵏ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᵇⁱᵉˢ

dave and klaus when things get spicy ;)

Klaus: Well, allow me to slip into something a little more … comfortable

Dave: Ooouuuu ;)

Klaus, sliding into a trash can: I’m a failure

Allison: Would you take a bullet for my sister?

Leonard: Uhhhhhhh … I guess?

Allison, pulling out a gun:Fantastic

reverse psychology

Klaus: you should totally hate Klaus Hargreeves

Dave: is this … are you trying to use reverse psychology on me?

Klaus: kind of

Klaus: I’m also just a shit human being

Diego: there’s only one thing worse than dying

Diego, pulling off piece of paper above ‘dying’ that reveals the word ‘Klaus’:boom

Klaus, nodding in agreement:myself

Diego:no—