klaus: i am covered in blood for sexy reasons

klaus: also, i just got stabbed

allison, holding up an unlabeled bottle: is this whiskey or perfume?

klaus: lemme see

klaus: *takes the bottle and chugs it*

klaus: it’s perfume

allison: i know we don’t get along, but i got you this bath bomb as a peace offering. whenever you feel stressed, just run yourself a bath and throw this in. i promise, all your worries will be gone in seconds

leonard, opening the package: this is a toaster

allison: do you take constructive criticism?

klaus: not without crying

luther:how would you rate your pain?

klaus:0/10.

luther:how- your arm is literally going the wrong way-

klaus:as in 0/10 would not recommend

luther:

klaus:very not gucci, does not slap, no thanks

allison: you’re like school in july

leonard:

allison: no class

diego: patch talks in her sleep sometimes. it’s adorable

patch, sleeping: fight me… you motherfucker… square up… i think the fuck not

diego: your existence is confusing

klaus:how?

diego: your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me

klaus: things i want- snuggles

also klaus: things i receive- struggles

Vanya: Whats the best way to diss an adult

Diego: O K B O O M E R

Vanya: what if they’re not a boomer though

Klaus: *hits blunt* Boomer isn’t an age it’s a state of mind

Vanya: You could probably pour soup in my lap and I’d apologize to you.

White Violin Vanya:Do not fuck with me.

Five: we have to save the world from the apocalypse.

Klaus: *already walking out the door* ok boomer

Klaus and Dave starGAYzing

Klaus: Sometimes I just like to look at the stars and wonder what it all means.

Dave: *looks up at the stars*

Stars: Wanna make out

Dave: *looks at Klaus*

Klaus: *winks at him*

The apocalypse: *is about to come*

Reggie:

Klaus: I eat Cheerios because they’re heart healthy

Klaus: And my heart has been severely damaged

Klaus: *trying to summon Dave’s ghost* so Dave if you’re out there

YoungLuther: Do you even exercise

Young Klaus: I’m a runner

Young Luther:Really?

Young Klaus: Yeah, I run late, run from my problems, and run my mouth *finger guns*

Klaus: What’re you doing Five

Five: *writing in a journal* Making a hit list of everybody taller than me

Klaus: Cool! Am I on it

Five: Dont worry you’re sixth on it

Allison: Klaus you need to stop

Klaus: *rubbing glitter from the floor onto his face* BuT.. I mUsT b E FabUlOus