#umbrella academy netflix
June is worth the wait.
klaus: hey five
five:yeah?
*a full minute of silent eye contact*
klaus:bitch
Klave First Date Headcanon EXCLUSIVELY for Tumblr fam
I wanted to celebrate getting 1000 followers! Thank you so much I love you :,)
DINNER:
- “Oh, Klaus I didn’t peg you for a purse guy” “hm? Oh I’m not this is for smuggling the breadsticks”
- Dave is in a noice button down and some black pants cuz the place they’re off to is marginally fancy
- Klaus is in a glittery pink crop top and skinny jeans, with some good ass™️ eye makeup by Allison
- It takes Dave fifteen minutes to find the academy fespite it being pretty fucking obvious
- Diego has the protective big bro chat with Dave before they go and Dave is nervous the whole time
- They’re both speechless at how good the other looks
- When Luther met Dave he thought he was Klaus’ “friend”
- Klaus wanted to go to a movie and Dave wanted to go to dinner so dinner and a movie
- Ben standing by them awkwardly telling Klaus how to navigate the situation
- “Tell him he looks nice” “he looks nice” “dude no what the fuck—”
- A whole lot of Ben sighing in the afterlife
- “KLAUS YOU CANT SMOKE IN HERE” “BEN DONT YELL AT ME IM SENSITIVE”
- Klaus gets a lil tipsy at the restaurant
- Really loud, almost obnoxious laughing from Klaus but Dave finds it adorable
- Dick jokes
- They try to do the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti thing via Klaus’ request but it ends up with Klaus almost falling over the table and their drinks spilt everywhere
- The two giggle their way through the night talking about whatever
- Diego. Is. Always. Near.
- Dave has to drive them everywhere coz Klaus literally can not
- Klaus folds the fabric napkins in really weird ways insisting that “they look like frogs! How can you not see it!!!”
- They go from talking about home lives to talking about their favourite shows and somehow end up in a deep conversation
- “Sometimes you just … need something that makes everything okay. Yknow? My thing used to be drugs and alcohol but I’m off that now. I need a new comfort thing.” “… I can be your comfort thing.”
- Klaus spills his drink over three times and the waiter is not amused
- When they order their food, Klaus does so in a terrible French accent trying to be fancy
- “You l … You look great t-tonight, by the way” “oh I know” “KLAUS—”
- Klaus tried his best to get the staff to let him order of the kids menu
- “Look at this baby face! I am so under ten!”
- There are some moments of silence but they aren’t awkward. Kind of like an agreed upon silence
- Theyre sharing food and Ben is insisting its gross but they both think it’s cute
- Klaus keeps trying to make moustaches out of his noodles and Dave laughs so loud the people next to them stare
- Klaus just bluntly saying whatever comes to mind and, despite Ben being terrified that Dave will be scared away or freaked out, he just goes along with it
- “Klaus I don’t think you can take the table cloth” “shhh there’s still room in my purse!”
- They end spending more time talking than eating
- Even after they pay the bill they just sit and chat and laugh like they’re the only people left on earth
- They only leave when the waiter gets fed up and straight up tells them to leave
- “Alright, just try not to miss us too much”
FILM:
- Dave once again has to drive but he’s not familiar with the part of the city they’re in so Klaus has to give him directions and they end up being 20 minutes late to their film cuz Klaus and Ben are just fighting about who’s right and end up being wrong
- “Sorry you couldn’t make out with the table cloth” “oh don’t worry! I took those fancy napkins instead”
- At the movies Klaus trieds to sneak in his purse but they check it and look at him weird when they see all the breadsticks
- “Are you denying me of my yeast?”
- He is so amusing that the teenager in charge of letting people in just lets them in anyways
- They end up sitting in the far back and sneak into the theatre very noisily
- “What do you mean you don’t take your shoes off at the movies??? Dave you weirdo!”
- They start chatting halfway through
- Klaus accidentally lets out a loud-ass laugh and gets shushed by multiple people
- Ben is one of those people
- They just end up feeding each other breadsticks and quietly giggling
- “I love you — wait oh my god I didn’t—” “hey” *boops Klaus’ nose with a breadstick* “I love you too”
- Klaus is that person™️ who’s asking questions every two seconds and Dave just answers immediately without any annoyance in his voice
- Once again they almost forget they have to leave until the staff kick em out
- They just end up giggling the whole way home while Ben exasperatedly screams directions at Klaus to tell Dave but he’s not listening
- “Boys will be boys”
watching a nature documentary
Klaus: man, I love octopussies
Ben, choking on air: WHAT THE FUCK—
Klaus, pointing at the screen, mesmerized: Look how many!
Ben, signing: Oh, Jesus fuck it’s—it’s octopi, Klaus, octopi
Diego: there’s only one thing worse than dying
Diego, pulling off piece of paper above ‘dying’ that reveals the word ‘Klaus’:boom
Klaus, nodding in agreement:myself
Diego:no—
tua Halloween headcanon
- Klaus’ outfits get mistaken for costumes every day of the month
- It’s Klaus’ first Halloween in a long time that he hasn’t been high or drunk and with the increase in spirits and ghosts it’s harder for him to go outside and such
- Of course he does after some long pep talks with Ben, but he’s scared shitless the first few days
- Turns out ghosts are far friendlier near Halloween and they end up having some nice chats with Klaus!
- Klaus is literally dead-set on going trick-or-treating since ol’ Reggie never let them as kids
- There’s brief talk of them hosting a “haunted house” where Klaus just gets Ben to make noise and knock shit over
- The idea is quickly shut down after Ben throws a fit about not getting his own dressing room
- “I refuse to work under such atrocious conditions” “what conditions I—”
- Diego loves Halloween but never dresses up, even though his suit always gets mistaken for a costume too
- He loves it mostly because he gets to wear black without it constantly being questioned
- Diego’s not just good at throwing knives — he’s also amazing at carving pumpkins with them!
- “Could you carve like a really detailed penis” “KLAUS! THE KIDS!” “I’m teaching them valuable information!”
- Klaus getting Luther the head of a gorilla costume “coz you don’t exactly need the body”
- “Must be weird for you, Luther. You dress like a human everyday so Halloween’s like all year for you!” “Klaus shut up now”
- Allison gets all excited and spends like hundreds of dollars on her costume
- People end up not being able to tell what she’s dressed up as and it annoys her sO much
- Whatever Klaus decides to dress up as, there’s a fuck ton of glitter
- “I’ve never seen a pirate where so much body glitter” “then you’ve never been to Vegas”
- Five refuses to dress up or go trick-or-treating but Klaus begs him to
- “Pleaaaaaase if we have an actual kid with us we can get more candy!” “I don’t even like candy” *dramatic gasp*
- In the end Five ends up giving in coz Delores wants to go
- Klaus just ends up throwing a white sheet with eyeholes over Five’s head
- “Look Ben hes dressed up as you” “I will destroy you”
- Diego almost attacks Klaus after he sings the spoopy scary skeletons song for the 18th time that night
- Vanya’s that person that just puts on a random pair of animal ears and insists it’s a costume
- Allison’s sad she doesn’t get to dress Vanya up but begrudgingly goes along with it
- Ben’s living for the priceless facial expressions these adults make when they see six 30-something-year-olds at their door
- Klaus ends up body checking a few ten-year-olds to get the last Jumbo Snickers bar
- Grace and Pogo stay home and Grace wears a big witch hat and her ghost-patterned apron
- At first she gives out the healthy stuff and then Pogo convinces her to give the kids candy
- Cue them both running around looking for candy
- They end up half sure that the rest of Klaus’ weed chocolate was accidentally given away…
- Meanwhile the siblings go through some haunted houses
- Klaus just walks straight through without so much as a blink
- Ben and Diego end up being the most scared out of them all
- Allison dying of laughter when she hears Diego’s high-pitched screeches
- “Ben why are you scared? You’re dead!”
- They end up getting back home near midnight, Klaus holding two full duffel bags of candy and smiling real wide while the others complain about their feet hurting
- Grace sits down for over an hour checking every single piece of candy to make sure it’s safe to eat
- They all decide to watch a horror movie despite Ben advocating for Halloweentown
- “I’ll trade you all my Twixes for your jolly ranchers” “deal”
- They end up watching Annabelle and Diego continuously scoots away from Five, giving Delores strange looks
- Literally as soon as it hits 12 they just hear loud Christmas music and Grace come downstairs in her snowman-patterned apron
- “Mom no” “but—” “mom. No.”
- Vanya falls asleep half an hour into the film and Diego is astounded
- Klaus ends up getting glitter and candy wrappers everywhere
tua at an art museum
Vanya: Ah yes, The Mona Lisa, the half length portrait painting by Italian Renaissance artist Leonardo da Vinci.
Five: Thought of as one of the most infamous, and valuable paintings on earth with the insurance valuation of $650 million dollars.
Luther: Truly marvellous.
Allison:Beautiful.
Klaus: AY THAT STATUE OVER THERE KINDA LOOKS LIKE A DICK
Diego:YOOOOOOOOOO
Vanya: I have a girlfriend now.
Klaus encouragingly: A girlfriend?
Vanya: *Reflexively gives a panicked peace sign*
Diego: Two girlfriends?!
Judge: for the murder of 14 people how do you plead
Diego: your honor I would like to plead oopsie daisies.
Ah yes it’s 1:48AM, time to yell about the audacity of Reginald Hargreeve’s existence
Luther: Can you be quiet? I’m trying to think
Diego: Don’t worry, take your time. I know doing something for the first time can be difficult sometimes
heart been broke so many times
SOMEONE PLZ START A PETITION FOR DIEGO TO DUAL WIELD IN SEASON 3
7-umbr3ll4s-v1b1n-1n-th3-str33ts:
The Umbrella Academy Show
Come for the intrigue, stay for the soundtrack and emotional attachment
The Umbrella Academy: Season 2
Come for the intrigue, stay for the soundtrack and emotional attachment
Okay but who’s your favorite Swede, mine’s All-That’s-Left-Was-A-Foot
But seriously i feel so bad for Five, he’s too old for this shit, just let the man woo mannequins and drink his coffee its not his fault his siblings all share one fucking brain cell and never listen to him and he has to keep stopping the apocalypse every other week
Season 2 Luther: *admitting his mistakes, apologizing to Vanya, bonding with Diego, acting like the himbo big brother he always should have been*
Me:
My hatred for Reginald Hargreeves has smashed through the previous rock bottom and is now plundering unimaginable depths
i am going to have an aneurysm.
So i just finished binge-ing season 2, and can i just say
what the FUCK
Emmy Raver-Lampman by Roch Armando for Bello Magazine
7-umbr3ll4s-v1b1n-1n-th3-str33ts:
Five: don’t fear death, fear the state in which you will die.
Klaus: [horrified whisper] Alabama
Gerard’s Instagram story (11 January 2021)
