the umberlla academy incorrect quotes

Klaus’ outfits get mistaken for costumes every day of the month
It’s Klaus’ first Halloween in a long time that he hasn’t been high or drunk and with the increase in spirits and ghosts it’s harder for him to go outside and such
Of course he does after some long pep talks with Ben, but he’s scared shitless the first few days
Turns out ghosts are far friendlier near Halloween and they end up having some nice chats with Klaus!
Klaus is literally dead-set on going trick-or-treating since ol’ Reggie never let them as kids
There’s brief talk of them hosting a “haunted house” where Klaus just gets Ben to make noise and knock shit over
The idea is quickly shut down after Ben throws a fit about not getting his own dressing room
“I refuse to work under such atrocious conditions” “what conditions I—”
Diego loves Halloween but never dresses up, even though his suit always gets mistaken for a costume too
He loves it mostly because he gets to wear black without it constantly being questioned
Diego’s not just good at throwing knives — he’s also amazing at carving pumpkins with them!
“Could you carve like a really detailed penis” “KLAUS! THE KIDS!” “I’m teaching them valuable information!”
Klaus getting Luther the head of a gorilla costume “coz you don’t exactly need the body”
“Must be weird for you, Luther. You dress like a human everyday so Halloween’s like all year for you!” “Klaus shut up now”
Allison gets all excited and spends like hundreds of dollars on her costume
People end up not being able to tell what she’s dressed up as and it annoys her sO much
Whatever Klaus decides to dress up as, there’s a fuck ton of glitter
“I’ve never seen a pirate where so much body glitter” “then you’ve never been to Vegas”
Five refuses to dress up or go trick-or-treating but Klaus begs him to
“Pleaaaaaase if we have an actual kid with us we can get more candy!” “I don’t even like candy” *dramatic gasp*
In the end Five ends up giving in coz Delores wants to go
Klaus just ends up throwing a white sheet with eyeholes over Five’s head
“Look Ben hes dressed up as you” “I will destroy you”
Diego almost attacks Klaus after he sings the spoopy scary skeletons song for the 18th time that night
Vanya’s that person that just puts on a random pair of animal ears and insists it’s a costume
Allison’s sad she doesn’t get to dress Vanya up but begrudgingly goes along with it
Ben’s living for the priceless facial expressions these adults make when they see six 30-something-year-olds at their door
Klaus ends up body checking a few ten-year-olds to get the last Jumbo Snickers bar
Grace and Pogo stay home and Grace wears a big witch hat and her ghost-patterned apron
At first she gives out the healthy stuff and then Pogo convinces her to give the kids candy
Cue them both running around looking for candy
They end up half sure that the rest of Klaus’ weed chocolate was accidentally given away…
Meanwhile the siblings go through some haunted houses
Klaus just walks straight through without so much as a blink
Ben and Diego end up being the most scared out of them all
Allison dying of laughter when she hears Diego’s high-pitched screeches
“Ben why are you scared? You’re dead!”
They end up getting back home near midnight, Klaus holding two full duffel bags of candy and smiling real wide while the others complain about their feet hurting
Grace sits down for over an hour checking every single piece of candy to make sure it’s safe to eat
They all decide to watch a horror movie despite Ben advocating for Halloweentown
“I’ll trade you all my Twixes for your jolly ranchers” “deal”
They end up watching Annabelle and Diego continuously scoots away from Five, giving Delores strange looks
Literally as soon as it hits 12 they just hear loud Christmas music and Grace come downstairs in her snowman-patterned apron
“Mom no” “but—” “mom. No.”
Vanya falls asleep half an hour into the film and Diego is astounded
Klaus ends up getting glitter and candy wrappers everywhere

@stayfrostyklaus

Fri, 28 Jun 2019 17:14:31

Klaus after Luther got laid: if it wasn’t such a hypocritical thing to say, I’d say you’re a slut.

#the umbrella academy #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #hargreeves siblings #reginald hargreeves #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #grace hargreeves #luther hargreeves #the umberlla academy incorrect quotes #incorrect tua #umbrella academy incorrect quotes #tua incorrect quotes #incorrect tua quotes #incorrect quotes #tua klaus

@stayfrostyklaus

Wed, 26 Jun 2019 20:45:12

the hargreeves as things my siblings and i have said

“if I had a vagina I’d fill it up with Cheerios” “you do have a vagina” “fetch the oats”
“i’m such a milf, goddamn. What a hot-ass dude.”
“where’s mum?” “gone. I’m your mother now”
“a rooster’s cock could also be called cock squared”
“the sole reason you are alive right now is coz I poked holes in dad’s condom so I didn’t have to do the dishes myself”
“watch it or I’ll wash your mouth out” “please say with bleach”
“what’s a mukbang? Like a food orgy?”
“i swear one day I’ll take a piss in your bed and you won’t even know”
“If you were a flower I’d step on you”
“why’s your sock all sticky?” “Glitter glue”
“Santa isn’t real” “neither is your sex life”
“the only way I could hate you more than I already do is if you were named Chad”
“what was that? sounded like something shattered” “oh I was looking in the mirror w—” “ah, makes sense now”
“if you get famous one day buy me a crocodile intestine. Specifically small. Just the intestine.”
“I wish I had a willy. Can you lend me yours?”
“I heard some dudes talking about foreskin today. This fortnite craze is getting out of control”
“damn this girl’s legs are so hairy it’s disgusting. Like honestly you need to learn to shave” “she’s a cat”
“you were less aggravating before you got boobs”
“hey thanks for letting me play football with you” “of course. I’d never miss a chance to kick something at your head”
“would a furry without their fursuit be thought of as a skinned furry?”
“stay young forever okay?” “hell no, i wanna get fucked up man you can’t do that at eleven”
“FOR GODS SAKES IVE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU RANT ABOUT MICRO PIGS FOR AN HOUR JUST LET ME EAT MY BACON IN PEACE”
“remember when we were younger and i got you cat shit for Christmas?”
“what if cocks were like built-in pool noodles so dudes always floated in water but then vaginas were like pool filters” “I’m genuinely worried about you”
“I’ll pay you twenty bucks if you go up to the pastor while he’s throwing holy water and start hissing”
“you’re a dumbass but hey you make my coffee right so yknow what I love you too”
“ok but what if I snorted this pixie stick powder” (y’all remember pixie sticks? goddamn those were the good days)
“maybe if I stapled myself in the head it would help me get my life together”
“you’re useless for everything except for hugs and coke”
*solemn tone* “I’ve never seen a cat penis”
“what do I have to do to make you love me?” “turn into a subway sandwich”
“since you’re the only ticklish one in the house I think it was a sign from God telling us to make you suffer”
“the only thing I stand for is getting a bj”