I’m assuming this is a competition between the two, as you didn’t specify to separate them, Nonny? I’d still write this as OT3 anyway HAHAHAHA *cracks knuckles* I’VE BEEN WAAAITIN’ FOR THIIIIS- Mod Avenger
Romani and Merlin often argue on who saw you first. It seems cute at first glance, but then they both have (had, in Romani’s case) Clairvoyance: they’ve been using their eyes since time immemorial and even before you were actually “here” to watch over you, all times of the day.
Merlin has seen you reincarnate and be born for over the course of a few thousand years, and it has driven him half-mad. He sees you through the windows of the accursed tower he was sealed in, and he just wants to reach over and slide his palm over your back, watch you sleep, and just cage you down beside him as you slept, sweet and small like a tiny dove–
He’s sent love letters in the form of dreams, and he does it every time Samhain or your birthday rolls around, and sure, you forget as you go through the day, but he sees you looking over your shoulder, and Merlin grinsbecause he knows that you feel that he’s there.
And if he knows that if those he had slept with over the years were like tangy apple juice or citrus orange, then if he had you, Merlin was certain you would taste like ambrosia. Or maybe the mead served in Tir na nOg, and he would definitely certainly unavoidably taste it at some point, mark my words, beloved oneit’s your fate and we will be bound over and over and over again
As for Romani, if he was a Yandere, then did you think him being summoned as Maris Billy’s servant was a coincidence? No. Of course not. This was all God’s plan, and he would finally see you after years and centuries and all those lives of waiting, longing, pining, and and–
He needs to be human, of course. as sure as he was that it would help the shock-and-awe factor to appeal to you that he was the King of Magecraft, he didn’t need you shying away from him. Romani (Solomon) wanted you close, and he would do any means to achieve that goal. The downside is that he has to save the world before meeting you. Bummer.
Romani pulls a few strings, and he gets you up to Chaldea; and he can’t believe his eyes when you’re standing before him: all perfection and radiating warmth. He needs it. He cuts and cuts, and he fakes illness, and it makes his heart bloom into indecipherable warmth when you show him, only him, all those expressions, and no, darling, you don’t really need them alright? Don’t worry, I’m here. Stay with m e .
“In a moment of panic, Bucky turned the knife, pressing it against his own throat. He braced for pain; for the bite of the metal.” - All these things that I’ve doneby@not-withoutyou(Full artwork here)
Do not repost on other social media, please.
For the longest time, I’ve wanted to draw something from this stunningly written story. I read it again recently and couldn’t get this heartwrenching scene out of my head. I originally didn’t plan to post it, but I thought about it for a while and here it is. There are so many things I could say about this fic’s universe and how much it has meant for me personally, but I don’t have the ability to put it into words, so I’ll just thank Rach for sharing pure talent with us. If any of you haven’t read it, please go do so. It’s incredible.
So, we gonna talk about the fact this painting is depicting Belos cutting his own ears? The fact that theory was right has me genuinely shocked.
We also see he used the same dagger constantly shown through the paintings: the one he killed his brother with, the one he used to carve the glyphs into his arm and now the one he used to mutilate his own ears. It also kind of looks as though there’s blood splatters on the mirror but I can’t really tell, either way the implications are messed up.
Ah, just another goofy episode filled with silly jokes for kids.
Author’s Note: Please be safe, this story includes mentions of Self Harm, blood and possible depression.
Please do not read if any of those topics are upsetting or triggering <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this anymore
You promised. But yet, you couldn’t stop yourself. One moment you were brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed and the next you were reaching into the all too familiar tin in the back of the bathroom cabinet. You stopped yourself for a second; what would you say if anyone saw you right now? They’d probably ask you why.
Why? You didn’t know. It was just.. Something you did sometimes. You just needed the slicing pain to know you could still feel pain. Almost as if you needed to remember there wasn’t just happiness in life. But no, that wasn’t it. It was because you felt deep down that you didn’t deserve the happiness. You took out one of the thin razor blades and placed it against your thigh, just high enough to be unnoticeable unless you were naked. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and sliced. You hissed and went in again, slightly higher this time. Two was enough, you told yourself. You rinsed the blade and placed it back in the tin, tucking it away back in the cabinet. Just as you were grabbing a cloth to clean up the thin lines, now with beads of blood popping up and trailing down, you heard a knock at the door. “Honey, you’ve been in there for a while,” You heard Saeyoung say through the bathroom door. “Are you getting dressed all nice just to sleep? Or did you have something else in mind?” He was teasing. “Oh, um no I-I’m okay. I’m just… Cleaning up.” You stammered, trying to stop the bleeding, but the beads kept returning. “…I’m going to come in, is that okay?” He said, a serious tone in his voice. “Um, just-” You tried to say, holding the cloth under cold water, trying to wash off the blood and use the cold to stop the bleeding. You looked over at the door, noticing you forgot to lock it. Just as you were about to reach for the knob, the door slowly swung open. Guiltily, you pulled up your pajama bottoms and held the cloth behind your back. “Hi.” You said, cheeks flushed and hands behind your back. You were sure you looked guilty, but you still tried to act normal. “Honey, what happened? Are you okay?” He said, cupping a warm hand against your cheek. “Um I…” You started. He kissed your forehead, and seemed to spot the cloth behind your back. “MC,” He said, gently reaching for the cloth. He rarely ever called you by your name, only reserved for serious conversations. You didn’t fight him, and handed it over. “What happened?” He was calm, but you could tell in his eyes that he was worried. “I… I’m sorry.” Was all you could muster. You started tearing up. “I’m so sorry, Sae.” “Hey. Come here.” He wrapped you in a hug. You laid your head on his chest and could hear his heart drumming away in his chest while his shirt was getting more and more wet with your tears. He tossed the cloth in the sink and held you, both tightly and gently. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to do it, but it was habit, and- And I just wasn’t strong enough not to. I’m so sorry.” You sobbed, grabbing the back of his shirt. He could figure it out from your ramblings what had happened. “It’s okay honey, you’re okay.” He stroked your hair, and slightly rocked side to side, holding you close. “Do you need to be cleaned up?” “I don’t know, that’s what I was doing when you came in but…” You said, sniffling and trying to calm down. “Okay, hold on for a second,” He bent down, and lifted you up, placing you gently on the small counter behind you. He placed a soft kiss on your lips, and tucked your hair behind your ear. “While I clean you up can we talk for a bit?” He talked quietly. “Yeah.” You said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, where is it?” You wiggled your bottoms down, so he could see the- still bleeding- cuts. You turned away, ashamed at the wounds. “So,” He started, grabbing the cloth and wringing it out so it was only damp. “What happened, My Love?” “I just felt a random urge and I figured I’d done it before without getting caught… I told myself just this once and then never again.” You said, turning your head to look at him. He gently wiped the cuts and the blood around them. “Tell me if I’m hurting you, okay?” He said, rinsing the cloth and wiping your legs again. “Okay…” He nodded, urging you to continue.
“Anyways, I figured I needed to.” You closed your eyes, not able to meet his. “You needed to? Why did you need to, baby?” “I needed to remind myself that there’s more than just happiness in life.” You felt ashamed to admit it, feeling your eyes filling again. “Can you look at me for a second?” He said, placing the cloth over both wounds and pressing it firmly. You opened your eyes, and tried to blink away your tears. “You’re right. There are things other than happiness and love in life.” He smiled, bitter-sweetly. “But that doesn’t mean you have to feel all of it. I told you before and I’ll say it again, I don’t ever want to let you be in pain. Especially not because of me. When we first met, you told me that you wouldn’t be in danger because of me. Do you remember that?” You nodded. “So, I don’t want you to feel like the love that I give you needs to be evened out with pain, okay?” He kissed your cheek and wiped your tears. “Okay.” He picked the cloth up off of your leg and grabbed bandages from the cabinet. You spotted the tin at the same time he did. You looked away in shame. You heard the rattling of the tin and the small bandage box. You looked back at him, his hands holding only the bandage box. He carefully unwrapped a few and gently placed hem on your leg. You noticed his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth, as he always does when he’s focusing. After he placed the bandages, he lightly fluttered kisses around your wounds. When he placed the box back in the cabinet you noticed the tin was gone, but you didn’t see where he’d moved it to. He helped you pull your bottoms back up and wriggle off the counter. “Are you feeling better?” He said, lifting you in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. Nuzzling your head in the crook of his neck, you nodded. “Good.” He carried you back to your shared room and placed you carefully on the bed. “I’ll be right back, okay?” He said, kissing your forehead and stepping away from the bed. You almost asked him what he was going to do or begged him to stay next to you. But you were too tired to press, and you figured you knew what he was doing anyway from the way his pocket rattled. You could just wait for him with your eyes shut. After a few minutes, you stirred back awake to feel the bed dip. “Sorry to wake you up.” He said softly. You just turned to face him and nuzzled in closer. “S'Okay.” You hummed. “I love..Sae..” You said, drifting back to sleep. “I love you too, Honey.”
Hello! I’m alive and well! Just took a break, but I’ve been working on some stories.
I missed all of you, as well as sharing my stories with you.
That being said, I have four teasers from stories I’ve written listed below. It’s up to you, my readers and friends, to choose which one you’d like to read first.
Let me know which you’d like to be released first!
Warning: Some of these are angsty. There’s swearing, because swearing like a sailor is my jam. Mention of blood/wounds/guns as well as viruses and quarantining.
It Ain’t Me
You stare at Bucky for a moment before walking up to him and repeatedly slapping his chest with both your hands as you started to cry, “You idiot!” You scream, “You absolute, complete dumbass!”
Bucky let you slap him a few times, you were much weaker and lacked training so it felt like nothing against him, so he took it. He knew the pain he caused you but after a moment of letting you scream at him, he grabbed onto your wrists and looks down at you, “I know, I’m sorry,” he says to you.
“No! Fuck you, Barnes!” You wail at him, your vision blurry as you stare at him, trying to pull your wrists from his grasp and eventually he let go so you could step away from him, “You died! Do you know I felt that too?! I felt each gasp for air only to feel water in my lungs!” You shook your head, trembling in front of him, “And then you were gone and it felt like a piece of me died. Then I had to bring you back…”
“I’m sorry… I’m really sorry,” Bucky says softly, reaching out to pull you into a hug but froze when he watched you step away from him shaking your head. It made his heart sting. When he was drowning, his only regret was not letting you in or letting you close. The worst part wasn’t even the fact that his throat and lungs burned as they filled with water, it was that he could feel your anguish and devastation. You were his soulmate and he had pushed you away repeatedly. Bucky thought you bringing him back was a second chance, but from the look on your face now, he felt like this was the end and it made a pit of despair in his stomach that made him actually scared of your next words, “I’m so sorry for what I put you through… I’m sorry.”
You shook your head again and took another step away from him, “No, I’m done. No more apologies. No more excuses.” You tell him softly, your voice shaking as you held back sobs, “I’m done.”
Bucky was frozen. His body ached as he watched you turn away from him and walk out the door of your medical lab, practically jogging away from him until you were out of sight.
————
Resurrection
“How is she?” Natasha asks as Bucky walks back into the kitchen, a mug of coffee in her hands. She had kept her distance from you, not wanting to add pain to what parts of you were already damaged and processing. She had sent some roses to you as a small thank you, but hadn’t heard anything from you about them.
Tony, who was also drinking some of the fresh brewed coffee, perked up at the question too. He owed you everything. You had brought him back to Pepper and Morgan, giving him another chance to be the father he always wanted to be.
Bucky sighs and leans against the wall, “She’s… She’s been better. I’ve never seen her so distraught.”
“What can we do?” Tony asks, standing up. He was ready to do whatever he possibly could, “I could get her a seeing guide dog… But then you wouldn’t have anything to do.”
“Ha ha, very funny, Stark,” Bucky said with a sigh. He had been your eyes since the incident happened, making sure you were safe and trying to help you cope with figuring out life around you without your sight, “She wants to go home.”
“Living alone in the Alps isn’t a good idea for her, what if something happens and nobody’s there to help?” Natasha says with furrowed brows.
Bucky looks over at Natasha, folding his arms against his chest, “I would go with her if she let me. I’d help her.”
Natasha sighs softly and sets her coffee on the counter, staring at the dark liquid before her eyes flickered over to Bucky, “She has the power of the soul stone, unimaginable power. When word gets out that Tony and I are somehow back from the dead… There may be a target on her back. The safest place for her is here with us.”
“That we can agree on,” Tony says with a nod, “Wanda has the power from the mind stone, and I heard about the whole West View thing when she had a break down. Plus, Y/N is one of us now,” He stood up and looked around for a moment before his eyes snapped to Bucky, “What if we bring all her stuff here?”
Bucky thought about it for a moment, staring at the floor before shrugging, “That could help her feel more comfortable, I guess,” He says softly then looks to Tony, “Can you fit a tree in the jet?”
————
Quarantined
“Hey, pretty girl,” Bucky grins, “You almost home?”
“Yeah… I’m almost home…” You say softly, smiling a little to yourself at the sound of his voice.
Bucky frowns at your tone and stands up from the couch, walking towards the landing bay, “What’s going on? What happened?” He asks as he noticed a hazmat team taping off the landing zone, creating a barrier.
“John may have been exposed to the virus, Buck.” You tell him, “We’re on quarantine in the jet.” You look out the window as you landed, seeing Bucky standing there behind the quarantine zone with the phone pressed to his ear, “I’m okay, Buck. Please stop looking at me like that.”
“Let me in,” Bucky says sternly.
“I can’t…” You tell him, “This can’t get out. It’s far too easy to spread.”
Bucky clenches his jaw, staring straight at you through the window of the jet, silently just watching you for a moment before opening his mouth to speak when he heard John coughing on your end of the line.
You turn away from Bucky’s gaze, going over to make sure John is alright. He was coughing like a maniac into his arm before standing up to grab some water. A particularly hard cough wasn’t caught by his arm and saliva mixed with blood hit your face, splattering across your chin, lips, and nose. You were frozen in place in shock, if you didn’t have the virus before you sure did now.
John looked at you with wide eyes, suddenly stammering over his words trying to form an apologetic sentence.
You slowly snap out of your trance and walk over to grab one of the towels kept in a cabinet on the jet, wiping off your face after dampening it with warm water and some soap. You walk over and give John the towel to clean himself up also.
Bucky had watched the whole thing from his position outside the jet. His blood ran cold and he also was frozen in place as he studied the scene unfolding in front of him like he was stuck in one of his nightmares. He tried yelling at you on the phone, trying to get you back to the headset to talk to him. He growled when he saw you not coming to answer his pleas, dropping the phone and starting to head towards the jet.
Steve come out of the elevator to see Bucky on a dead set path to break the quarantine barrier in place and quickly runs over, grabbing onto Bucky and pushing him back, “Buck, wait. You can’t go in there.”
Bucky tears his eyes away from the jet to look at Steve, pushing him back a little bit, “She needs to get out of there!” He yells, pointing at the jet, “I need her out of there!”
Sam came into the room watching everything unfold. He looks to the jet to see you with the headset on, pointing to Bucky’s phone on the ground. He walks over and picks it up, putting it on speaker and walking over to Steve and Bucky.
“James Buchanan Barnes!” You yell through the phone, making Bucky freeze and look at the phone in Sam’s hand. You only called him by his full name when you were angry, “You can’t come in here and don’t you dare think about breaking the barrier.”
Bucky grabs the phone from Sam, turning to look back at you staring at him with fire in your eyes, “Baby… you need to get out of there. Or I need to come in there… I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“Don’t.” You tell him, “Stark is going through the information we have and Bruce is in contact with the CDC and medical team to try to get a vaccine figured out.” You went silent for a moment the continued, “Besides… There’s a good chance I’m infected. You saw…”
“Yeah,” Bucky says so softly it’s barely audible. He realized he couldn’t be the one to panic, not when he could hear the fear in your voice. He puts the phone off speaker mode and presses it to his ear, looking up at you through the front of the jet, “I’m going to go to one of the briefing rooms call you through the system there… That way I can see everything.”
You scrunch your nose and look down at your hands, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” You say softly, “I don’t want you to see whatever happens.”
“Hey,” Bucky says, bringing your eyes back to meet his through the windshield, “Everything is going to be okay. I’ll be with you through everything. You’re gonna be alright, doll.”
———
Amended
Bucky knocks on your door gently, waiting to hear any response. When he didn’t get one, he slowly opened your door which he had disabled the locks on, just in case, “Snips, everything okay?” He asks, setting down the tray of food on your dresser. You weren’t in your room and he could see the light pouring out of the bathroom door connected to your room, he could hear your strained breathing and that made panic course through his veins. He walks over to the bathroom door and knocks softly, causing the door to swing open a little more until he could see you. You were only wearing a sports bra and had a white towel stained in red pressed to your side.
Your eyes snapped up from the towel you held against your side to Bucky as the door moved. You reached under the counter of the bathroom, grabbing the hidden gun and pointing it at him, your body trembling as you stare at him with wide eyes.
Bucky immediately put his hands up, not wanting to seem threatening to you. He thought he had cleaned out all your weapons, but he might have missed a few, “I made you dinner,” he quickly said, pointing one thumb behind his shoulder to your dresser where the tray sat, “Your favorite, spaghetti.”
You stay still for a moment, staring at him as the gun shook in your hands due to you not knowing what to do. Should you shoot him? Lower your weapon? You took a deep breath and put the gun down on the counter before returning to tending to the wound to your right side, pressing the towel harder against your skin with a soft hiss. The shower you had taken caused the fresh wound to open up, bleeding profusely.
Bucky frowned when he heard your breath hitch when pressing the towel firmer to whatever wound you had. He looked to the towel before back to you, “I can help…” he says softly, taking a step closer to you followed by another, “I’ll help you clean it and stop the bleeding.”
Your eyes moved up to look at him again, searching his features for any hostility before you slowly nodded at him, relaxing a bit but keeping your eyes trained on every move he made.
Bucky let out a soft sigh of relief at your willingness to let him help, stepping closer slowly until he was standing over you, “Okay, let’s see what we have,” he murmured out, wanting to give you some type of warning that he was going to touch you. He took the towel from your grip and pulls it away slowly, but then froze, his eyes widening at the word carved into the side of your body.
As always, if you’d like to be added/removed from the taglist, let me know (:
Ohmygoodness these all sound so amazing!!!! AAAAGH!!!
Ok so I really really like It Ain’t Me but that sounds super super angsty, so I’m not going to vote for it rn.
Resurrection looks really good, but I’m not one hundred percent sure what the fic will be like so ig I’m not gonna vote for that either.
Quarantine sounds great but I’m not desperately going to be waiting for how it ends cuz I can only imagine it going two ways.
But Amended??? Holy shit, that snippet was amazing. I have so many questions, lmao. Like did WS take over Bucky to go make ‘Amends’ and he found reader and marked her off as amended ON HER BODY???
Or is reader really unstable rn and after she saw Bucky making amends, decided to do some herself? Like maybe she thought selfharm would be proper penance, or maybe she’s had issues with self harm before and she carved that into her side as a final act before attempting to quit self harm forever?
IDK AND I NEED ANSWERS!!! lmao
So yeah, I’m gonna vote for Amended.
As always, you write some of my favorite plot lines, and they’re always so addictive.
Y'all need to go give her masterlist a visit
Anyway, I’m gonna be waiting for these impatiently (respectfully)
honestly don’t be an asshole/rude to me I will immediately probably start crying or contemplate suicide or hurt myself when I say don’t send me mean things I mean it I mean unless you want me to hurt myself idk but who would want that who is that horrible I’m so sensitive when people try to offer constructive criticism it will turn into a huge issue and I likely will cry about it
Vegas’ psyche and mental health are so interesting to me. When he started hitting and punching himself I thought “ohh, we are going there”. I am glad Pete stopped him this time since I am sure it wasn’t the first time Vegas hurt himself.
Naturally, next week’s preview has me absolutely hyped. Give me more of Vegas and his dad.
One of us realized yesterday that we’ve been out of our anti-depressants for days and none of us knew it or remembered to refill it. It explains why we had an emotional breakdown a few days ago, why we came as close as we did to suicide, why we felt like self-harming for the first time in years, and why everything has been so hard in general. Now Alan refuses to leave front until we get back on our meds because of how bad it’s gotten. Its scary to see him on alert like this.
I hate having to go to pharmacies i hate having to go see a counselor i hate knowing my freedom could be taken away at any time for wrongthink (i.e. for suicidal thoughts/behaviors) and that i feel so fucking isolated in my troubles. I fucking hate sanism and the impossible goals abled people put on disabled people.
I was gonna try to put a positive spin on this, but fuck that. I cant even get my& fuckin meds until monday because my psychiatrist is out and my alternatives for getting an emergency supply are going on an endless game of phone tag with my pharmacist and my clinic’s after hours’ line or voluntarily admitting myself into a mental hospital that’s known for it’s cases of sexual abuse against patients.
Fuck all of that. Fuck the USA and fuck the psychiatric industrial complex.
