#you dont love me
Every little feeling
Muddled in my eyes
And all of the confessions
Never leaving my mouth
Under the beat of the drum
Ever so low
Lies my heart
Don’t be afraid
To shout out to the moon
How it is you truly feel
While it’s shining down on you
Don’t be scared
To whisper in the dark
About what your heart desires
It might just answer back
Words of wisdom or insanity
Either way
I hope you’ve thought of me
I will never forget
The art that was
Learning to love you
Tracing every part of you
To see your eyelids flutter
In pure bliss
Lips apart, letting out a gentle
What if we fall
In love
In lust
Only in daydreams now
Why do I keep on
Letting you into my life
Do I just never remember
How it felt to watch you leave
Or do I like the reminder
That I still can bleed
I owed time
A part of him
That must be why
He made me weak
Tore me down
Made me drown
And broke my will to live
Telling you random facts I know
Has me thinking of you while I answer the phone
Or while buttoning up my shirt
While I listen to a song with a hidden meaning
Or as my favorite movie plays
In all those random facts
That become painful to recall
Wondering if you know them too
If you think of me at all
Why did getting used to your absence
Feel so much like moving on
Now I’m standing at the edge
Of too much and not enough
You are the eyelash
Stuck to my eye
Not a sign of weakness
But proof that there is strength
You are the bruises on my body
Not showing cowardice
But telling of my pain
You are my heart beat
Proof of my love for you
You are
My weakness, my strength
My cowardice, and my pain
Do not settle
For the love
That passed you by
Do not let yourself
Be beaten
Because they tended your wounds once
Do not let strangers
Cultivate expecatitons
In their eyes
Allow yourself
The freedom to be
A true menace
To their lies
Stupid girl
Why would he care
About your feelings
Or your pain
Why would he bother
With a useless piece of flesh
When he can have
Out of all people, his ex
Why did you think
He would lower his standards
For some stupid
Stupid girl
I could live my life
Counting the lashes on your eyes
Over and over
And I could spend eternity
Tracing the curves your veins make around your hands
If only you hadn’t let us
Fall apart
I know I sound pathetic
When I say you are the one I can’t live without
But its the truth
No matter if we are near or far
Only you fill my heart’s emptiness
And make my soul a little less of a mess
You make me enjoy life
And being away from you breaks every piece of me
Makes me regret knowing love
Knowing you
I want every part of you
But not just the fun
I want the gun
That you hold to your head
When you think too much
And feel not enough
I want the sadness
And I want the laughs
I want to be there
When you want to cry
And if you could wait
5 years to come back
Then you can wait
5 more after that
Maybe then you could spend
Your whole goddamn life
Wishing I missed you
While I lived my life
I am truly sorry
Someone came into your life
And convinced you
Mistreatment means nice
That caring
Means you’re weak
I wish I could
Heal your thoughts
Even if it means
My misery
I wanted you
To fall for me
I’d be there to catch you
But instead
I was too late
To catch my heart
As you dropped it
Rejected
Beaten down
To the ground
Is it stupid to think
That our history fucked us up
Before we had the chance to breathe
To think
For ourselves
Before “you” was just you
And “we” was just me
Why you’re too early
I’m still not over
Those few times that we kissed
And we were both sober
Now you’re high off of
Trauma and lust
While I’m drunk on
Your eyes and your touch
I’m starting to
Come to terms with
The fact that you’re out of my reach
That I can’t hold you
Even when you’re feet away from me
That the words coming out of my mouth
Are foreign to your ears
That my touch is cold, clinical
Compared to the warmth of their bed sheets
That whatever I thought we had
What I thought you were
Was nothing but a fantasy
That is starting to break
Your apology means
Nothing
If there is no change
Don’t apologize
For things you will
Only do again
If you change
With no apology
I promise
I won’t bring it up again
But if the past
Repeats itself
You’ll hear about it
Yet again
