You know you have something pretty damn great when you’re wrapped up in your boyfriend’s arms in your bed on a Sunday morning and your husband walks in (coming home from his sleepover with Rachel) and says “oh, hey, guys, just getting my work clothes, I’ll be outta here in 30 seconds.” I love my love and I love my polycule.
(As a side note, Ross and I were like, “it’s not what it looks like!” and then laughed hysterically because it’s exactly what it looks like.)
It’s the holidays. Thoughts turn to family, etc. I have to admit, this is an interesting year for me. My parents are both gone, and with the exception of one cousin, I’m pretty estranged from my family. My husband’s family hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve maintained a relationship. Different points of view, different ways of approaching my son’s autism and my daughter’s outspoken nature haven’t made it easy. With my husband’s parents’ advancing age, we’ve been spending more time with his side of the family. Including yesterday’s Thanksgiving. Each time, I saw him spend a full day mentally gearing up for the visit….and hours in exhausted silence decompressing after. It’s worthy of note that his brother and brother in law said not a word to him during the entire meal, not even a hello. And his brother in-law shuttled our niece out so quickly after dinner was done none of us could speak to her. When we got home, both adult kids and my husband went into separate rooms for several hours to decompress. And I found myself wondering if it was all worth it.
As we were sitting at our Thanksgiving dinner, my kids’ conversation turned briefly to Christmas. In hushed and paused conversation, they asked if their “other family” could be included in some of our celebrations this year. We’ve been out to our kids almost since the beginning, and since moving within a mile-ish of each other last year, our kids have gotten close. When we got back last night, I couldn’t wait to see them-my real family. The family that I get to choose everyday. We talked about that last night. My girlfriend asking me how I felt on days like Thanksgiving without my big family. I used to miss it. I did. But knowing that I can have a family of love rather than a family that leaves you exhausted doesn’t make me miss it anymore.
It took me a long time to understand that, just because people share your genetic material, it doesn’t mean you have to spend time with them or even like them. It’s not like you got to choose your biological family. If you weren’t related, would they be people you’d hang out with or talk to? If the answer is NO, then you should have no obligation to do so just because you’re related.
Family can be chosen, and chosen families are often better than those of the biological variety. You see and spend time with them because you want to, not because a holiday (or a guilt trip) obligates you to be with them.
We practice hierarchal polyamory; we each have 20+ years with our spouses, kids, finances, homes, etc., so it’s only natural that our relationships are hierarchal.
I love both Chandler and Ross like crazy (Rachel, too, of course) and they’re both so important to me. I don’t like having to rank them as husband vs boyfriend. Husband gets these privileges, boyfriend only gets these. On the flip side, I’m sometimes envious of Rachel, wishing I could have some of the wife privileges she gets.
The glass ceiling that our type of polyamory brings is the one downside for me. There’s only so far we can go. It’s so ingrained in me that you meet someone, fall in love, and follow a certain progression in the relationship. That happens to an extent in poly, but then there’s a hard stop where there’s no further you can really go. Speaking for myself, my feelings don’t hit the hard stop, though, so it’s tough. You want more, but there is no more.
If that’s my biggest complaint, then I’m pretty lucky, though. I take what I can get, and, overall, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. I have so many drafts, but I never seem to get them perfected enough to post.
A brief run down of the last couple of months:
Our little polycule is as happy and healthy as ever. 2 of the kids are back at college, 1 got her own apartment, and 1 finished his degree and is hopefully finding his own place in the next year. This opens up Ross’ and Rachel’s house to sleep overs. It’s kind of a big deal; Chandler and I have “a drawer,” so to speak. Our kid is comfortable with our relationship but not as uncomfortable knowing we’re having guests, so we wait till he works late at his second job every other weekend then we house swap.
Our latest rehab is a multi unit Airbnb and is almost finished. It’ll double as our 2nd home (when not rented out, anyway). 1 unit will be Ross’ and mine, the other will be Chandler’s and Rachel’s. I’m pretty fucking excited about that. It’s as close as we each will get to having “our own place.”
Next week, we all head to Riviera Maya for 7 fanfuckingtastic nights in an all inclusive paradise. We’ll split the sleeping arrangements 3-3 with 1 night TBD. Maybe that’ll be a night of all 4?
The E word (exclusivity) has been floated by in a couple of conversations, but that’s a whole post on its own (in my drafts folder).
We were almost interviewed by CBS for a polyamory documentary, but production decided not to come to our city. That would have been interesting to do. We’d love to see more positive media coverage on non monogamy instead of most of the salacious, sister-wife bullshit that’s usually the spin on these shows.
My heart is so full and happy with these 3 amazing humans. I’m fully aware of how fucking lucky I am and don’t take a minute of this life for granted.
Reason #zillion that polyamory is pretty fucking awesome: Ross plays softball. Rachel hates going to softball games. I fucking love it. Plus it’s kinda fun to show up and let Ross’ coworkers wonder who the hell I am.
Agh, this makes me so excited!! My very own place to keep my stuff in my loves’ bathroom/bedroom. They even filled one with a starter kit . I love them so much. ❤️❤️
Shoutout to the U.S. embassies in Austria, Chile, India, and South Korea who have directly ignored orders from the Trump administration in flying the pride flag
They’ve found really clever workarounds, as they were banned from flying the pride flag on the flag pole.
They aren’t ignoring orders: they are obeying the orders to the exact letter.
Malicious compliance
Also in Mexico City they couldn’t fly the flag but they didn’t said anything about a picture of a flying flag ❤️
THIS IS SOME GOD TIER CHAOTIC LAWFUL EVIL STUFF
dude you gotta do what you gotta do
The New Delhi Embassy decided to just light up the the whole building! I’m so proud!
The 4 of us were invited to a post pride party this weekend. The host posted that “it’s our 1st LS party!” I might be really a little naive, because I thought it meant the 1st party at their new house where the guests just happen to be LS friends.
When the hostess started posting pics of the play areas, the penis piñata, and condom/wipe station, I realized, ohhhhh…THAT kind of LS party. Which is cool, too, but…..
There was a time that Chandler and I would’ve been super excited to hit up this party, and eagerly checking out the guest list to see who we might hook up with.
Now, however, we’re just so happy and content with Ross and Rachel, and the party scene has lost its appeal. We still love hanging out with our swinger friends, and making out with them is fun, but none of us really have that desire to hook up with them.
We’re all kinda just with each other right now, but we’re not exclusive and probably will never designate our status as such. That eases my anxiety that Ross and Rachel won’t ever feel tied down. But for now, we’re all pretty damn happy to skip the house play parties.
So, this may be kinda of dumb, since sex, and sexuality, and anything out of the norm isn’t really “cool” with Tumblr right now, but I think it’d be kind of cool to get to know other polyam people here on Tumblr, period. So if you still have an pretty active blog, are polyamorous, practice any form of ETHICAL non-monogamy, or relationship anarchy and want to start a little polyam community, love and/or reblog this so we can all follow and communicate with one another.
The need for a polyam outlet is why I’m still here. Always up for the discourse.
With my own characters I don’t need much anatomy reference etc. so I prefer to have a bit fun with these. I usually just jump straight into doing pages and do refs like this on the side for the purpose of clothing and acting.
Jack is the main character of Half a Knight. An underpaid apprentice blacksmith with an attitude and scorn for authority figures.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Wanted to draw something for the theme, so here’re Jack and Perrine from my current graphic novel-in-works, Half a Knight.
Even though I love drawing pages it feels nice to draw something else once in a while!
Watch where you point that thing! You could poke someone’s eye out.
Despite currently having my focus on finishing the script I had to do an art test for Half a Knight (working title) #1’s cover. An anti-heroic fantasy graphic novel I’ve been working on. Y'know, to feel that I’m actually progressing somewhere. My current aim is to start working on the art in a couple of weeks, and hopefully having the first arc done and printed for 2019’s comic festival. Curious to see how that goes.
Hope you’ve all been doing great! I can’t wait to get back to drawing stuff.
Cass and Iola are a pair of rookie bounty hunters trying to strike it big on the wildest edge of the galaxy. Squeaking by on luck, tenacity, and a heavy dose of foolhardiness, they’ve begun to make a name for themselves in the hunting circuit. But when they accept a job from a wealthy exotic pet dealer they stumble into a fight they weren’t prepared for - and become the newest target. Can the guncats outsmart the deadliest hunters and criminals in the galaxy, or will their luck finally run out?
We did actually pull this off! And I was writing my thesis while it happened!
I’m sure I’d have something witty to say about this snippet if I wasn’t feeling like a past-expiration date sockpuppet. You should seriously go pre-order the comic while I sleep though!
No need to be dramatic. You can still pre-order it and get the discount. That being said. Only three more days till the first issue hits the shelves!
Looking at these snippets has really brought me back. Amazing how it’s already been four years since I did the first character sketches for Guncats. It’s funny how I’m often surprised by how time flies since I rarely count it as dates but rather as improvement and things I’ve learned.
Seriously though. You should really check out RosakazandSamantha, the amazing people I worked with creating this comic!
