#aromantic

A lil posting schedule for Aro Week

Bisexual | Aromantic Lockscreens

[Asexual Lockscreens]

What should I do next? ~

I’m having thoughts about how aros tend to react to the phrase “just friends” and… none of this is to negate those ideas, but rather to add to them. Also these thoughts are half formed, so please do engage with them that way. I’m looking to start a conversation, not make a well-put together point.

Anyway.

I think maybe, when people say “we’re just friends” and the like, sometimes (not all the time) the “just” isn’t alluding to a hierarchy where friends are below romantic partners. It might be alluding to something else:

I think some people consider romantic relationships to be “friendship + romance.” In fact, I also see comments that are like “oh, if you’re not best friends with your romantic partner then that’s an inherently lesser relationship than [friendship + romance].” Romantic flings that do not have strong elements of friendship are also seen as lesser under amatonormativity.

It’s this idea that you need to get all your emotional connection needs met from *one person* (because capitalism) and if a person is not that one person, then it’s an inherently lesser relationship.

Anyway, that’s the thought, would love to hear other perspectives.

Under the cut. Translations/summaries for 0 ~ 19 min.

Sakuko: Good morning.

Takahashi: Good morning.

Flashbacks to the events in the previous episode, where Haruka proposed that Takahashi start his own farm, and Sakuko wanted him to grant his childhood dream of making a vegetable kingdom. Takahashi responded harshly saying that if she doesn’t want their family to end, then they should stop talking about it.

Takahashi: I wonder what would be good. To give as a wedding present.

Sakuko: Hm?

Takahashi: I was told to think about what I should give to Toyotama-san and Mizutani-kun. Especially since I’ll be the new store manager.

Takahashi: Kitchen goods, or maybe a bathroom set to be safe…

Sakuko: Um, Takahashi-san.

Takahashi: …Yes.

Sakuko: About the conversation we had about work yesterday–

Takahashi: We already talked about that yesterday. I have to go prepare for work, so…if you’d excuse me.

Kazu-kun excitedly congratulates Sakuko on her work project (The Romance Christmas Fair project she took on from her colleague), which her boss recently approved. Sakuko is distracted, and Kazu notices.

Sakuko asks Kazu-kun if he agrees that even though work isn’t everything, it’s better to work on something you can be absorbed in (which he does). Kazu-kun asks if something happened with Takahashi again, and they go get something to eat.

Kazu: Well…It’s not like I don’t understand where Takahashi-san is coming from. To choose his current lifestyle.

Sakuko: What?

Kazu: Basically, rather than a risky but more enjoyable job, Takahashi-san chose the job that was boring, but would allow him to continue his daily life with you. That’s how important his daily life with you has become to him.

Kazu: It means that you’ve successfully become a family without any romantic feelings! It’s something for you to be happy about.

Sakuko ponders whether or not this is really true. 

Minori tells Sakuko to stop worrying about stuff in front of her, just like with her worrying about asking Takahashi about whether or not he wants kids. Sakuko tells Minori that they actually discussed it, and it seems they both would rather not have kids, which was a relief to her.

Minori seems relieved to hear that, and apologizes for forcing Sakuko to consider kids when she clearly didn’t want them. 

Before Sakuko can talk about her current worries, their mother walks in.

Her mother asks about what is worrying her, and Sakuko explains how Takahashi turned down a work opportunity he would have liked to continue living together.

Her mother asks what she would like to do.

She explains that even though she still wishes that Sakuko would get married and have kids, she has recently started to think that maybe it’s okay for Sakuko to continue down a path without romance. And that in place of that, she wants Sakuko to definitely find a way to be happy down this path that she doesn’t know about. 

Sakuko: Is it okay if we talk?

Takahashi: …Yes.

After sitting down, Sakuko begins to speak.

Sakuko: I’ve really taken a liking to my current lifestyle. I’m having fun at work, and the number of people who understand me has been slowly increasing. Coming home is comforting, and every day has been happiness. I’m completely satisfied, and this is my life’s best.

Sakuko: For me, this is what it has been like, but…how about you, Takahashi-san? Is right now your best?

Takahashi: Just like you, I have also taken a liking to this lifestyle. I’m also very satisfied with it. 

Sakuko: But it’s not your best.

Takahashi: Isn’t it something people often say? That in life, sometimes it’s important to give things up. I’ve been thinking of making it my life’s motto.

Takahashi: Well, it is true that the offer from Haruka was appealing. But, I was also afraid. I cannot afford to let this house that my grandmother left me go empty. 

Takahashi: And more than anything, the Family (Subject to Change) I’ve created with Sakuko-san…

Takahashi: What you called, the “uneasiness” you felt, is something that I think has also been present throughout my life. Always.

Takahashi: But, through living with Sakuko-san…

…I started learning of a new lifestyle, new foods, new people. At some point, that “uneasiness” turned into clarity, and gained color.

Takahashi: I didn’t think it was possible, a family without romantic feelings. But now I think we might be able to make it happen.

Takahashi: So now, I don’t want to return to being alone. 

Sakuko: Thank you. I’m happy to hear you say that.

Takahashi: It’s fine. 

Sakuko: But is it really okay for you to not do the things you really want to do?

Takahashi: Wait a second. Sakuko-san was the one who, because you were lonely on your own, first proposed the idea of us becoming Family (Subject to Change), right? So, what are you going to do when you are alone? Are you going to return to your family’s home?

Sakuko: What? I would continue to live here.

Takahashi: What?

Sakuko: Oh, is it not okay for me to live here?

Takahashi: Sorry, I can’t quite keep up with what you are saying.

Sakuko: Like I was saying, I will live in Takahashi-san’s house, and Takahashi-san will live in his vegetable kingdom. 

Sakuko: Isn’t it a good idea? This way, I can continue my current lifestyle, and Takahashi-san doesn’t have to leave this house empty. And you can do what you enjoy. Isn’t it the greatest?

Takahashi: Sorry, that option never occurred to me. Is it okay if I take a moment to sort out my thoughts?

Sakuko: Go ahead.

Takahashi: Just making sure, but, your suggestion is for us to live separately, right?

Sakuko: That’s right.

Takahashi: So if we live separately, and we are alone, our relationship, our Family (Subject to Change), will come to an end, right?

Sakuko: No it won’t.

Takahashi: What?

Sakuko: Even if we live separately, we won’t be alone. We won’t stop being a family. It’s like our year-end soba and year-end udon. We don’t give up on either, we just have both. For us right now, that’s how we can have not just “better,” but our “best,”  isn’t it?

Takahashi: Is it…really okay? For me to leave this house?

Sakuko: Yes.

Takahashi: But, It’s because I said I wanted to protect this house, so Sakuko-san felt pressured to stay here and–

Sakuko: Of course not. I truly came to love this house on my own. I felt it the moment I moved here. “Ah, this warmth, it’s the best… It’s really cozy…The scenery is lovely…”

Sakuko: I really felt, for my own reasons, that I wanted to protect this house, and…

Takahashi: And?

Sakuko: If I really stop wanting to live here, then we can think of another plan together. Takahashi-san should also try his best with his vegetable kingdom, and if something goes wrong then you can just quit!

Takahashi: That’s…

Sakuko: Isn’t it better not to have everything figured out? With us, with family, everything can be subject to change. 

Sakuko:When you put something into words, you’ll be bound by it. For the two of us who refuse to be bound by what is “normal,” the things important to us, and the way we think, all of these are going to change. So we can think of each moment’s “best” when we get to it.

Sakuko: And if the time comes when each of our “bests” are in completely different directions, and we talk things out, and it’s still impossible, then…

Takahashi: If it’s impossible, then?

Sakuko: We don’t need to force ourselves to remain family.

Sakuko: I mean, just hypothetically, of course! I’m just saying that even something like that doesn’t need to be decided.

Takahashi: You’re right. I think this is a great idea.

Sakuko already makes plans to call the farm manager, and Takahashi suggests that before she does that, they should have dinner. Sakuko enthusiastically agrees, and Takahashi proposes they eat yesterday’s leftovers and perhaps some mille-feuilles that he’ll try making.

Sakuko is excited about this, but Takahashi warns her not to get her hopes up, to which she responds that Takahashi always surpasses her expectations. While he prepares dinner, she goes to clean the bathtub. 

st-ivangeline:

3/22/2022

i mean,, because of trauma and mental illness in general i don’t remember much of my childhood, but i do remember some of my early teen years, there was one person specifically i remember feeling some type of attraction to (it’s funny cause he’s married to my oldest sister now but anyway) and i’m not sure whether it was platonic, romantic, or otherwise but i was excited to see him when i saw him , i don’t remember finding him physically attractive, ya know like cute or hot or handsome, he was my friend and i liked him because of that, or i mean we were never close friends but our families grew up together, i guess it’s weird and i’ve mentioned this before that i don’t quite fit into the aro mold of not understanding romance or being oblivious towards it or feeling broken,, i didn’t feel broken until much later in life when i started realizing i didn’t love people the same way others loved and i didn’t look at people the same like i’ve never had a celebrity crush and i only ever liked someone if they initiated the feelings like if they liked me first,, but by the time i noticed something was different i’d heard of aromantic and asexual already and i knew those fit— i was in denial for years but idk i just sometimes wish i could find an aro post that i relate to, i don’t know what that post would look like but it’s like even in my own community i feel like i’m on the outside

i relate to this a lot !! i do wonder if its something related to trauma (since i was emotionally neglected as a child) i was probably starving for attention and to feel noticed and cared for and special to someone (the way a parent was supposed to).

i remember when ppl had crushes on me or showed interest me i would feel kind of high on the idea of it for a while, and that high is what made me think i liked them back. but when i was actually in a relationship with them, i would start to feel extremely anxious and a bit betrayed that they had expectations of me to act in a certain way and feel certain things. because what i was looking for was to be cared for and noticed without needing anything in return, the way a parent would.

ofc it was also confusing with feelings of enjoying company and friendship and wishing to be held, as well as being able to tell when someone was Conventionally Attractive, but the most confusing feeling was that high id feel when someone acknowledged i was a uniquely special person to them, and wanted to spend more time with me. not the conflicting message of “you are special to me, now go away” (which is what my parents words and actions said), or “you are special to me, lets keep things the way they are” (which is what my friends said), but the message i Needed to hear, and every healthy child needs to hear from their parents, which was, “you are special to me, come here.”

what i was feeling was the giddiness and excitement of a child getting reassured of being cared for, and then having those words proven by being given a huge hug and some quality time. to feel safe. to feel visible. to feel worthy. to feel like enough.

and thats also why romantic relationships never worked out for me. for me to hear the message i always wanted to hear, and then to be asked or expected to also return everything they gave me, threw me straight into my trauma of parentification and taking care of my parents needs.

i think its so confusing to have this desperate longing and loneliness from trauma and also be aro. it makes it absolutely devastating to find out u are aro and take away ur last hope for finding the care you deserved. and u constantly question urself when u hear other aros who had healthy relationships with their family and friends and simply just purely did not understand romance. or hear about other childhood trauma survivors who worked through their own trauma by finding a safe relationship and building a healthy family. to be at this intersection of trying to heal from trauma and build your own life with no references is terrifying.

i am too scared to watch the last ep of koisenu futari and have this show just be …. over. i have just been procrastinating by reading article after article after article about the last episode . it has just been so unreal having this show be Alive and talked about and shared and related to and i know those wont all end when the show ends but it feels so…sad.

maybe because my experience with the aro community has always been 100% online these past 7 years, this show somehow feels even more real than even my own experience with the aro community, just because its not being communicated entirely through Words. and just like the reference team said in their last blog post, even though words are incredibly freeing from constricting norms, there is an entire life to live outside the bounds of even those words that saved us.

i am not ready to create that life for myself, even though i am already creating my life whether im “ready” or not. i want something to be a guide or inspiration for me, even though i already know i am the only one who can figure out how to live my life. and it is okay for that to be the case, for that to be part of my aromantic story. a story of waiting, and grieving, and appreciating, and changing.

albatris:

wish-ful-thinking513:

amaranthia-draws:

May I offer you some frogs in this Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week?

[id: A digital drawing of five frogs in a stack that are each in a colour from the aromantic flag (from top to bottom: dark green, light green, white, grey, black).]

@kyanitedragon

@chaotic-queer-disaster

morallygay:

I want to say that such a big youtuber coming out as aroace is such a step forward in representation in general of course, but also specifically by using the rainbow flag and only ever portraying those two identities as unquestionably being part of the LGBTQ+ community in her video, a huge step forward for the general opinion to properly consider us part of the community since it’s unfortunately a “debate”. She really reaffirmed our belonging in the community and that is so impactful.

romance-repulsed-aros:

I haven’t seen much support for aromantics that are romance repulsed, so let me give some shout outs:

• Shout out to the aromantics who feel physically sick even when someone just mentions something romance related.

• Shout out to the aromantics who love fanfiction, whether it’s writing it, reading it, or both, and have to deal with the constant, never ending romance shoved down their throats.

• Shout out to the aromantics who have loving readers but are always flooded with comments on their story about how the characters should ‘get together soon’ and how they ‘need to be boyfriends/girlfriends/etc’.

• Shout out to the aromantics who have friends that are all about romance and find it exhausting to be around them even though they like them.

• Shout out to the aromantics who are constantly bombarded with questions of “do you have a crush yet?” and “what kind of person do you want to marry?” and “when will you settle down and find someone?” by their own friends and/or family.

• Shout out to the aromantics who have to sit there and hold in their overwhelming anger/disgust/anxiety when couples near them are being overly affectionate and gross.

• Shout out to the aromantics who aren’t taken seriously/are brushed off/laughed at when they gather enough courage to tell people about their repulsion, because “how can you not like romance?”

• Shout out to the aromantics who are so desperate about having no romance around them that they avoid watching movies/reading books/etc because romance in entertainment and media is inevitable.

• Shout out to the aromantics who want to cry because they’re surrounded by the thing they hate the most, feeling trapped and unable to escape.

• Shout out to the aromantics who suffer from mental health issues as a result of feeling like they’re broken or wrong or bad for not liking romance.

• Shout out to the aromantics who get so stressed over romance and feel like they can’t go one day without wanting to explode.

• Shout out to the aromantics who are confessed to by friends they cherish and feel guilty for getting grossed out by their friend’s romantic feelings toward them.

• Shout out to the aromantics who aren’t romance repulsed all the time and feel like they’re faking it.

• Shout out to the aromantics who love the world of sex and feel absolute disgust every time they encounter the phrase ‘making love’.

You are all valid. You are all beautiful. You are all just as deserving of love and care as everyone else. You are not broken. You’re not bad for disliking something the world favors the most. You’re important. You belong. Don’t EVER question your worth because of your repulsion. You are you, and that’s the best thing you can ever be.

centrumlumina:

I’ve seen a number of posts lately criticising language which originated in the asexual or aromantic community - compulsory sexuality, romantic, platonic and aesthetic attractions, new orientation labels etc.

I have my own opinions on various parts of this language, but that isn’t what this post is about. This post is about people from outside these communities engaging with the language they create - and, all too often, mocking it.

What people so often fail to understand is that language in the asexual community is created to fulfil a cultural need within that community. When we talk about compulsory sexuality rather than compulsory heterosexuality, it is a shorthand for the exclusion asexual people feel in sex-positive movements which are inclusive of LGB people but often fail to account for sex-repulsion. When we talk about an aesthetic orientation, it is a way of trying to make sense of feelings for which we have no cultural touchstone, which the existing framework of attraction utterly fails to account for - a way of saying that it is possible to feel for someone without wanting to have sex with or date them.

But taken outside of this context - glimpsed in a text post that’s part of a discussion you haven’t followed, skimmed from the description on a blog you have already decided to hate - yeah, it doesn’t make much sense. It’s easy to see the creation of a new model as an attempt to discredit the old, rather than an attempt to create a range of alternatives. It’s easy to see a new identity as attention-grabbing because you have to Google its meaning, rather than understanding that self-description isn’t always aimed at you. But that doesn’t mean that you’ve understood the intent and the context of what you’ve seen.

And oh goodness, there is discussion in the ace and aro communities that gets it wrong, and thoroughly deserves criticism. But when that criticism comes from outside the community, it’s all too easy to cross the line between “this way of conceptualising things is troubling” to “how dare you try and conceptualise things differently!”

Because too often that’s what I see when those outside the community try to engage with it: outrage that those who are not served by existing language have tried to create their own, rather than accepting that their emotions cannot be spoken, and therefore don’t really exist.

And when you’re getting mad at ace and aro people for daring to exist, that’s the point where you and I are going to have a problem.

arosalt:

“love’s a game, wanna play?”

no not particularly 

Hello friends!

We need more blogs to follow! We’re interested in midwestern, agender, asexual, and aromantic-centric blogs, but are open to anything lgbtqia+ positive, body positive, or otherwise inspirational! :) Thanks so much!

-Mod A

apathetic-coffee:

what-aboutno:

Absolutely loved Jaiden’s new video

Me, trying to find other aros or aces in a Christian event:

“Never have I ever had a celebrity crush”