“You think there’s a connection between this Vigo character and the… slime?”

she’s a different kind of girl / the kind you see in pictures / I think you might have seen her / Richard’s on Richards

Well now, boys and girls and friends from beyond the binary, with the post-cotial winter doze in full effect, and with the recent wolf-moon having just gone “one, two, spew and poo” all over of our collective chakras, it’s that time of the year again when I, a spooky madman, must announce the OFFICIAL zodiac signs for the coming solar rollercoaster, and maybe give you a little advice to keep you from dying in this, the twelve month period of Tizer fizzy pop, 2022.

Okay?

Okay.

First up, we have you EGG BATs - lost souls of late January, early February - hoping to fly away from your debts with a one-time lump-sum cash settlement from beyond the grave. Will you find “gold hidden within” or is life “a sick yolk”? Stay away from water, is my advice. You don’t want to end up like Hewlett’s daughter.

Next, Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Nose, Philtrum AND Lips - for you Valentine babies and those born with March Madness in your veins - you sexy, sexy facial features, you. Embrace your flaws, they’re your greatest asset. And don’t forget to kiss Selma Blair in Central Park if the opportunity presents itself.

HEADLESS PETs - March rolling into April - you are doomed. Say goodbye to your loved ones now.

And finally, for today at least, A TUBE OF BONJELA - Easter’s child with teeth of yellow and bleeding gums that just won’t quit. A famous man once said, “We create our own demons.” Who said that? Doesn’t matter. It was in Iron Man 3, so it must be true. Also, if you can, try not to impregnate anyone or get impregnated yourself this year. The world is full. We don’t need your offspring running around tipping things over and misquoting movies.

I may die. TUNE IN TOMORROW.

#FF69B4 - Hot Pink

5 YEARS LATER

I was gonna redraw [let’s call her Eleanor Jo Jean from 2016] to, y'know, show how my “art” has “improved” over the last five years, but then I thought, wouldn’t it be more interesting [fun for me] to see what she’s up to this year?

Turns out that her hair has grown a bit, she done got herself one of those tacky barbwire tattoos and a fancy porcelain hand, she’s slightly happier and THIS December 11th, she’s taking a trip down memory lane, through the lonely desert of her past, to feed that awful sexy Santa ‘fit to the washing machine that ate our Christmas tree back in 2006.

You see, Jean, like me, feels, at times, “as much use as the rotary phone we keep on the floor to keep the door closed” but we’re trying to get better, her and I, and, in someways, slowly, we are.

Thanks for helping me get through 2021, with the likes and the occasional comments and whatnot.

It is Saturday. I am trying my best.

Have you seen these faces? Are any of them yours?

CALL 1 - 800 - NOT AN ACTUAL HOTLINE

– Animation Test –

Code Name: “Hammer And Jam”

Featuring the vocal talents of Neil Rocks and Laurence “Renzo” Savage - brought to you from the distant past via something else entirely.

Oof she’s slipping a bit with swordtember. Not happy with the colouring or that noodly dragon, but the sword’s ok and I think it kinda works for day 10, banish.