#bipolar depression
Personal Post (apologies in advance)
It’s amazing how the older you get the more time seems to slip away from you. Maybe I need to change some things in my life but to be honest I’m not really happy right now. Life is miserable. The pandemic killed what little social life I did have. I have problems in my relationship that don’t seem to have a solution. I value him and my relationship above all else, yet there are things I need to sacrifice that mean sacrificing part of my own happiness. Maybe it’s selfish of me to not want to give up my happiness simply to be in a relationship. I’ve never met a man I love more than him and every day I’m with him I somehow learn to love him all over again. The time we spend together is the best time of my life and the memories we’ve made are ones I’ll cherish for the rest of time regardless. I’ve built this life that doesn’t feel fulfilling. I want to read and write more, that seems to help, but I can’t supplement all of my happiness in life. I know it’s on me to make the changes and do the work, but I’m afraid of what that will mean for the people in my life. I’ve been used and abused most of my life and I’ve finally created a space for myself where I feel comfortable in my own skin and with the people I surround myself with. I’m afraid that if I stand my ground or make some of these changes that I will lose some of those people around me and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to be alone again.
I don’t wanna be me anymore
It never lasts
After it took so long to get a piece of happiness
For eternity
