one of my friends consoling me: just try not to dwell on things so much
me, thinking about the half hour I spent earlier that day over-analyzing the particular way I applied a paperclip and what it meant about me as a person: yeah you’re right, I should totally give that a try! thanks!
In order to honour students for doing well in school lets put them through extreme stress and anxiety by singling them out and forcing them to come up in front of the rest of the school and receive a certificate. That should make them feel good.
Online autistic communities/advocates really seem to forget that it isn’t exclusively “uwu cute hyperfixation hehe stim break hand flap.”
You’re not advocating for autism if you don’t include the weird kids who have strange interests and are socially awkward, but not in the cute way. The ones people often describe as creepy, or call freaks.
Or the nonverbal special education students who groan and scream in the hallways at school while people in classrooms hold back laughter because for some reason they find it funny.
Or the violent aggressive autistic people who cause damage to themselves and everything around them at one minor inconvenience and will never live independently.
Or autistic adults with picture perfect families and lives, who do not relate to the autistic “culture” that’s now been portrayed online.
Or autistic people who don’t benefit from stim toys, who don’t look at it as a huge factor in their lives, who went through therapy to help them learn skills that they struggled with.
If you don’t advocate for the scary cases and symptoms, the weird autistic people, the incapable autistic people, you’re not advocating for autism. It’s a spectrum and it’s not going to be pretty sometimes. If you don’t acknowledge and include those cases, especially if you’re autistic yourself, can you really say you’re advocating for autism, or is it just yourself?
When you refer to the autistic community, you’re talking about them too. Remember that.
New comic alert! Lomy in the Abyss, a comic about highschool, heavy metal, and more, is running now on Weald Comics! Learn more at lomyintheabyss.tumblr.comandlomy.wealdcomics.com!
I a couple days I will be meeting my childhood best friend (I was going to marry him) for the first time in 8 and a half years; I haven’t spoken to him in 8 and a half year either. I am not good at peopling to begin with, so what do I dooooo??!?
Am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Have I remembered to ask about them? What if I monopolized the conversation again? Did I interrupt? Have they lost interest?
CDC: Self quarantine & wash your hands with soap and water to help stop the spread of the Corona virus.
Infected people: I think it’s a good time to travel,
And socialize.
Cases of the Corona virus popping up across the globe
CDC:
Unaffected people: This virus sounds bad. We should stock up on as much hand sanitizer, bottled water, and toilet paper like two years worth per person in the household.
Me : Why is there a toilet paper shortage?
CDC
My fellow Introverts: Did the government…did they just cancel going outside and large social gathering?!?!
Future post-apocalyptic/dystopian people: After the plague of 2020 the surviving remnant of mankind decided to base their new society on the ways introversion.
Something all the autistics I’ve worked with so far struggled with (including myself) are flexibility of thought, multitasking and quick decision making, especially under pressure. Below I write about autistic people in general, but of course not everything will be true for every autistic person out there.
If you want to break an autistic person and deplete all their energy as quickly as possible, then you put them in a job where things go fast, new, unusual tasks suddenly pop up and require quick, bold decisions and improvised solutions.
Why is that? In essence, it all comes down to one core thing: Autistic people need a plan, a script to follow, and they need it for everything, also for small things that most neurotypical people do spontaneously and without thinking.
I don’t mean that you as a superior have to provide these plans, and I don’t mean technical instructions. The plans I’m talking about are plans for handling “How to ask John about his weekend”, “How to start explaining what I’ve been doing at the stand-up meeting”, “How to walk past this group of colleagues without looking like a fool”, “How to order coffee instead of tea with my roll”, or even “How to look happy and pleased when receiving this gift”. It’s a premade plan in the autistic person’s memory, basically a recording of a simulation they’ve run inside their head beforehand. And I repeat: Autistic people need this premade simulation for everything. EVERYTHING.
Many autistic people have a huge number of plans for all kinds of problems, dialogues and scenarios archived inside of their heads, and if a script’s been run many times before, it can slowly be adjusted and applied to new, related situations or problems. The more scripts a person has and can work with, the more “flexible” they seem, so often this goes hand in hand with being older and more experienced. In reality, the scripts are not flexible at all though, which is why multitasking is almost impossible for most autistic people - the scripts were meant to be run on their own.
So what happens if you surprise an autistic person with something they have no scripts for?
If you are lucky, the person has a script for a similar situation they try to use instead, so they manage to handle the situation, but the way they act might seem “off”. Maybe they say strange things, or they are either too formal or not formal enough, too funny/relaxed or too serious and tense. This is, of course, because this script was not made for this situation - it was just their best fit.
If you are less lucky, the autistic person cannot find any script that matches the situation and their brain goes into “NO SCRIPT FOUND emergency mode”. They immediately become very tense, some freeze and go quiet, some start to stutter and fidget, some might tear up, and some will just stare at something and not be able to speak.
If the situation is very quiet and relaxed and there is a lot of mutual trust, then an autistic person might be able to work out a new script there and then, but be very patient.
Avoid surprising autistic people. Even when they can handle the situation, it will probably stress them out unnecessarily and cost them extra mental energy.
If you have autistic employees, it is your job as a superior to protect them, so they can do their job properly - and believe me, autistic people can be brilliant at what they do, if given the right environment.
So how do I protect my autistic employees from surprises? A few examples.
You’re at a meeting with the director, and they would love to see this new neat feature in the software you’re working on. Don’t suggest to just “pop over” to your autistic programmer, so they can show you! Depending on the person, you might either send them straight into a shutdown, or at least exhaust them for the rest of the day.
If you have autistic people attending a meeting, make sure they know beforehand what the meeting is about, what their role is, and what they are expected to contribute.
Don’t expect your autistic employees to make instant decisions. This also goes for non-work related things, like sticking a head into their office while on the phone with the pizza delivery guy and asking if they want anything. Give them time to think things through before making a decision, or don’t ask at all. Make sure your other employees are aware of this, too.
Make sure your autistic employees don’t get pranked or surprised, not even if it’s something positive, like decoration or a gift for their birthday. Most autistics have scripts ready for when people wish them a Happy Birthday, but everything else might send them into a NO SCRIPT FOUND situation.
In general: Don’t surprise your autistic employees with critical questions, challenges, decisions etc. unless absolutely necessary.
Ask them if they have the mental capacity to talk about this / solve this / decide this now, or if you should come back at a specific time you both agree on.
If possible you can also offer to send a summary via mail, and ask them to get back to you in person as soon as they’ve read and processed the issue at hand. Make sure to include if it’s urgent or less so.
If you are not autistic yourself, you might forget the “no surprises” rule sometimes, especially in the beginning. Or you might find yourself in a situation that urgent that you simply can’t give any heads ups first. It happens, and as long as it doesn’t happen often, most autistics can handle this when they are stable and mentally rested.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they are (rested), though, and especially women are often really good at hiding their mental exhaustion.
Remember this:
If you address your autistic employee, and they either do not respond at all (blank stare), freeze up, just go quiet and do not say anything for a long time, or begin to fidget, stutter or shake, then chances are high they are in a NO SCRIPT FOUND emergency mode or in shutdown.
It is crucial that you remember that the autistic person is NOT ABLE to respond. They are blocked, and there is nothing they can do, no matter how hard they try.
They are also extremely vulnerable in this situation, so whatever you do, do NOT get angry or respond impatient or irritated. Do NOT put more pressure on them. It won’t help. My personal recommendation in this situation is to say as friendly and calmly as possible: “It’s okay, I understand you’re unable to respond. Let me know when you’re ready, okay?” Then let them recover in peace.
The most important part is to make sure the autistic person feels that it is fine for them to take their time and recover.
Many autistic people have trauma caused by people telling them that they are worthless burdens, that they are not trying hard enough, are lazy, or even deliberately trying to cause problems.
This is excellent. I would also like to add that it may also help to apologize to an autistic employee if a surprise / emergency / sudden situation comes up.
“Hey, (name)? I’m so sorry to drop this on you, but I need that spreadsheet ASAP.”
“(Name), I need you to stay till 10 tonight instead of 9. Jeff didn’t show up for his shift and I need somebody to monitor the cultures in the lab. I’m sorry, I know this messes up your routine.” (The caveat of this one is if you know this sooner, tell the autistic person as soon as you know and not while they’re about to go home.)
Showing a little compassion towards the inevitable distress shows you respect the autistic person enough to recognize you’re putting them in a situation that is more than inconvenient. It may be painful or extra stressful.
My biggest thing to add here is that a lot of this seems directed at office type situations, but lots of autistic people work retail as well which is super tough and ever changing. It is possible to create and follow scripts in retail situations, but it’s also a lot easier to get burned out (i would know, i work retail myself).
My biggest issue at work is that I’ll come in all happy and ready to go,work really hard for 3-4 hours, and then I’ll start crashing, and have to struggle through my last 4-5 hours. But because I’m crashing my mood will drop and I’ll become irritable and I won’t be able to watch my facial expressions or tones as much and this causes friction with my coworkers.
With that said, my biggest piece of advice is to be patient with your employees and encourage all coworkers to do the same. Snapping in someone’s face or asking 10 times an hour if they’re okay is not helpful. Give them space and time and they will come back when their energy does. Don’t take a change in mood personally, something has probably happened or they have run out of energy. Just be kind!
